Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.

These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cleaning" will not restore… » 4/03/14 4:57pm 4/03/14 4:57pm

Which KNBR Employee Is Downloading Huge Amounts Of Porn At Work?

A tipster just sent us a picture of the above sign, which was recently posted in the KNBR sports radio studio in San Francisco. That's the same radio station that employs Damon Bruce, and is essentially the west coast's answer to WEEI. So, really, it's not all that surprising that such a warning needed to be given to… » 3/03/14 1:56pm 3/03/14 1:56pm

"No Other Men In It, Just Me": A Letter From A Porn Hopeful

Yesterday we shared an adorable letter from a fan of the New Orleans Pelicans, begging the team to give him a chance and a million-dollar contract. Reader Daniel used to work at an adult video company, and dug up a letter from one of the company's biggest fans, begging for a role in porn. » 9/05/13 3:14pm 9/05/13 3:14pm

The Greatest Yankees Meltdown Ever Captured On Tape [NSFW]

Here's a cool old relic from the last great era of Yankees dysfunction. It's a clip of Hall of Fame reliever Goose Gossage losing his shit in front of the New York media in 1982—the beginning of a miserable, drawn-out decade for the organization, when all that '70s glory turned to pinstriped shit. This year has… » 8/19/13 6:18pm 8/19/13 6:18pm

Here Is a 99-Page Guide to One Highly Organized Australian Man's Dick

There once was a ripped, huge-dicked, extremely attentive, highly organized young man from Australia who was frightfully eager to find the woman of his dreams (within a 50 km radius of his home). To that end, he drafted a 99 page guide (to himself, his life, his future wife; his quirks, his tics, his eleven-inch dick;… » 8/01/13 2:10pm 8/01/13 2:10pm

Homeowners’ Email Chain Goes From Snippy To Crazy In A Hurry

Oh look, we've got more homeowners' association members sending each other overwrought emails. Whereas our last installment dealt with the scourge of unsightly dog poop, today's dive into suburban madness brings something much more sinister to light: people parking across the street from other people's driveways. Let's … » 7/16/13 4:49pm 7/16/13 4:49pm

“Hey Ungrateful Quitter": Emails From An Angry Lacrosse Coach

Consider this your latest reminder that lacrosse is the worst. What follows is an email exchange, forwarded to us by a tipster, that took place between an angry lacrosse coach, one of his players, and that player's parents. It begins with the player telling his coach that he won't be able to attend a practice or game.… » 7/03/13 3:41pm 7/03/13 3:41pm

Rec League Softball Player Writes Inspirational Poem For His Team

Here's a rec league email that is a departure from the overwrought screeds we are accustomed to receiving. This softball player decided to send his teammates a motivational email the morning after a tough loss, but instead of chiding them for their lack of hustle or giving a strategic dissertation, he went ahead and… » 7/03/13 12:30pm 7/03/13 12:30pm

Tennis Channel CEO: Comcast Battle Like "Being Raped By Brutal Captor"…

Two weeks ago, a federal appeals court ruled that Comcast did not have to put Tennis Channel on its basic cable service and could, instead, throw it on a more-expensive sports tier. The court overturned an FCC ruling in the process. Tennis Channel was unhappy about this. In fact, Tennis Channel CEO Ken Solomon was so… » 6/12/13 2:42pm 6/12/13 2:42pm

Delta Gamma Promises To Punish The Girl Who Wrote That Batshit Letter

This letter, which was sent by a University of Maryland sorority sister to her "fucking AWKWARD" sisters, is a gift to the world and should be cherished by all those who are fortunate enough to read it. The Delta Gamma president and executive director, however, do not feel the same way. They have issued this statement in … » 4/22/13 12:25pm 4/22/13 12:25pm