No, But Seriously, Dove Soap Is Bad

So yesterday, BuzzFeed's editors, in a super duper blatant breach of the tenets of their Editorial Standards And Ethics Guide, deleted a post in which staff writer Arabelle Sicardi criticized toiletries brand Dove for its sleazy, exploitative advertising. Dove, you see, is owned by Unilever—the multinational… » 4/10/15 12:16pm 4/10/15 12:16pm

They're Gonna Crucify Me: A Heathen's Guide To Easter

Life gets more complicated and demanding as you become an adult. Children are not expected to know much of anything—or to understand the meaning and significance of stuff, or to buy their own beer—so long as they interact with the world sweetly and cutely, and from time to time throw in an unprompted I wuv you… » 4/03/15 12:55pm 4/03/15 12:55pm

Whiny Harvard Student Gets Skewered In Devastating Email

In the old days, disputes between Harvard students were settled one of three ways: pistols at dawn, a scullerman's joust, or trial by mayonnaise. Things have changed, though, and now the distinguished men of Harvard engage in combat like most millennials do: by sending unbearably long emails to each other that… » 3/02/15 5:03pm 3/02/15 5:03pm

How To Tell If You're Being A Crank On The Internet, And How To Stop

Man, you sure are het up! Agitated. Can you believe these goddamn coddled athletes/P.C. Police/Now Finaglin' Cheatriots/Twitter-celebrated pop stars of possibly dubious talent/people talking about the colors on a dress when we haven't even solved all The Problems yet? I mean, cheese and rice! Where do they get… » 2/27/15 11:58am 2/27/15 11:58am

Hey, Get A Load Of This Evil Doctor

The Washington Post has a profile today of Dr. Jack Wolfson, an Arizona cardiologist and holistic medicine, uh, doer or whatever, who's made something of a name for himself by providing a flimsy, fraudulent rime of expertish cover to the reprehensible, morally criminal anti-vaccination crowd in the U.S. It's really… » 1/30/15 3:58pm 1/30/15 3:58pm

My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves

One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or whatever that will… » 10/23/14 1:35pm 10/23/14 1:35pm

Don't Buy All The Pies At Burger King To Spite A Child, You Asshole

By now you likely have encountered this thing, currently wending its way across the internet. In short, the story goes that the guy—a redditor (of course) known as thr111—spited the whiny, out-of-control child and distracted, defensive mother behind him in line at Burger King by purchasing every pie left in the… » 8/07/14 12:38pm 8/07/14 12:38pm