Don't Buy All The Pies At Burger King To Spite A Child, You Asshole

By now you likely have encountered this thing, currently wending its way across the internet. In short, the story goes that the guy—a redditor (of course) known as thr111—spited the whiny, out-of-control child and distracted, defensive mother behind him in line at Burger King by purchasing every pie left in the… » 8/07/14 12:38pm 8/07/14 12:38pm

Guy Doesn't Pay World Cup Pool Entry Fee, Tries To Claim Prize Anyway

There are rules we must all adhere to in order to maintain a functional society. Foremost among them is this: If you enter a fantasy league/pick 'em group/tournament pool, you must pay up before it starts, or at the very least promise to pay at the next available opportunity, or you do not get to claim the prize money… » 7/14/14 3:01pm 7/14/14 3:01pm

Helpful Advice From Gabe Kapler: Jerk Off With Coconut Oil

Former MLB outfielder and current Fox Sports 1 talking head Gabe Kapler is a man who possesses a lot of knowledge on how to live a healthy lifestyle, knowledge which he often dispenses on his personal blog, Kaplifestyle.com. A recent post about the many uses for coconut oil contains some of Kapler's most important… » 6/11/14 10:42am 6/11/14 10:42am

Do Not Wear A Suit With Shorts

Men's shorts are OK. (Women's shorts are also OK, but they are much more obviously OK, and not what we are talking about.) Summers get hot around this part of the solar system; why swaddle those vast swaths of leg-skin behind fabric when you could use them, sensibly, to radiate your body's internal (and rising) heat? » 6/09/14 5:04pm 6/09/14 5:04pm

Youth Flag Football Admin Claims Commish Spent League Fees On "Pussy"

Below you'll find an email from one of the administrators of an Atlanta-area youth flag football league sponsored by the NFL. Sent to a number of league parents, it contains a whole host of bizarre accusations against the commissioner. One of those parents shared it with us. Now we share it with you. » 6/03/14 4:48pm 6/03/14 4:48pm

Tony La Russa Warns Grads About The Machines During Commencement Speech

Tony La Russa gave the commencement speech at Washington University last week. It was, like most commencement speeches, sort of rambly and boring. But there was one La Russian moment that caught our attention, in which the old manager started going on about Styx, the machines, and sabermetrics. » 5/19/14 5:46pm 5/19/14 5:46pm

Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.

These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cleaning" will not… » 4/03/14 4:57pm 4/03/14 4:57pm

Which KNBR Employee Is Downloading Huge Amounts Of Porn At Work?

A tipster just sent us a picture of the above sign, which was recently posted in the KNBR sports radio studio in San Francisco. That's the same radio station that employs Damon Bruce, and is essentially the west coast's answer to WEEI. So, really, it's not all that surprising that such a warning needed to be given to… » 3/03/14 1:56pm 3/03/14 1:56pm

Angry Dad Is Very Upset About How Local Swim Team Is Being Run

Everyone knows that hockey dads and football dads and lacrosse dads are crazy, but did you know that swimming dads can be just as nuts? They can! A tipster just forwarded us the following email, which was sent by one angry parent to the other members of his kid's swim team board (names have been redacted). » 3/03/14 1:13pm 3/03/14 1:13pm

The Greatest Yankees Meltdown Ever Captured On Tape [NSFW]

Here's a cool old relic from the last great era of Yankees dysfunction. It's a clip of Hall of Fame reliever Goose Gossage losing his shit in front of the New York media in 1982—the beginning of a miserable, drawn-out decade for the organization, when all that '70s glory turned to pinstriped shit. This year has… » 8/19/13 6:18pm 8/19/13 6:18pm

Here Is a 99-Page Guide to One Highly Organized Australian Man's Dick

There once was a ripped, huge-dicked, extremely attentive, highly organized young man from Australia who was frightfully eager to find the woman of his dreams (within a 50 km radius of his home). To that end, he drafted a 99 page guide (to himself, his life, his future wife; his quirks, his tics, his eleven-inch dick;… » 8/01/13 2:10pm 8/01/13 2:10pm