Failure To Pay Office Pool Winnings Leads To Sad, Overwrought Email

This overwrought email, sent by the winner of a March Madness office pool to the irresponsible pool administrator who was dragging his or her feet with payouts, comes to us from a tipster who tells us that he dusts it off every March for a good chuckle. We don't blame him. » 3/19/15 1:39pm 3/19/15 1:39pm

Whiny Harvard Student Gets Skewered In Devastating Email

In the old days, disputes between Harvard students were settled one of three ways: pistols at dawn, a scullerman's joust, or trial by mayonnaise. Things have changed, though, and now the distinguished men of Harvard engage in combat like most millennials do: by sending unbearably long emails to each other that… » 3/02/15 5:03pm 3/02/15 5:03pm

How To Tell If You're Being A Crank On The Internet, And How To Stop

Man, you sure are het up! Agitated. Can you believe these goddamn coddled athletes/P.C. Police/Now Finaglin' Cheatriots/Twitter-celebrated pop stars of possibly dubious talent/people talking about the colors on a dress when we haven't even solved all The Problems yet? I mean, cheese and rice! Where do they get… » 2/27/15 11:58am 2/27/15 11:58am

Hey, Get A Load Of This Evil Doctor

The Washington Post has a profile today of Dr. Jack Wolfson, an Arizona cardiologist and holistic medicine, uh, doer or whatever, who's made something of a name for himself by providing a flimsy, fraudulent rime of expertish cover to the reprehensible, morally criminal anti-vaccination crowd in the U.S. It's really… » 1/30/15 3:58pm 1/30/15 3:58pm

Bed-And-Breakfasts Are Stupid

Many people get a certain twinkle in their eyes at the mere mention of bed-and-breakfasts. Ooh, let's take a road trip through New England and stay at bed-and-breakfasts! It'll be so cozy and romantic! This is a baffling and inexplicable notion. Bed-and-breakfasts are miserable and stupid. » 1/02/15 2:24pm 1/02/15 2:24pm

Voicemail: Furious Fantasy Owner Threatens To Come Get His Money Back 

If you've played fantasy football for long enough, you'll see nothing strange over a vetoed trade leading to one owner threatening to come over and beat up the league treasurer. » 12/23/14 3:29pm 12/23/14 3:29pm

My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves

One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or whatever that will… » 10/23/14 1:35pm 10/23/14 1:35pm

This Dumb Cup Has Room For Chips And Soda, But Not For Dignity

Perhaps you have seen a TV commercial for a product called "Snackeez," a grotesquely large plastic beverage cup with a special dry chamber for storing your favorite garbage snacks. If you have not, here it is: » 9/10/14 12:04pm 9/10/14 12:04pm

Don't Buy All The Pies At Burger King To Spite A Child, You Asshole

By now you likely have encountered this thing, currently wending its way across the internet. In short, the story goes that the guy—a redditor (of course) known as thr111—spited the whiny, out-of-control child and distracted, defensive mother behind him in line at Burger King by purchasing every pie left in the… » 8/07/14 12:38pm 8/07/14 12:38pm

Roddy White Finally Made Good On That Twitter Bet

Back in March, Falcons wide receiver Roddy White got on Twitter and made a foolish bet with a guy named Brian Hoyt on the Duke-Mercer game. White told Hoyt that he'd give him Falcons season tickets if Mercer beat Duke. Of course, Mercer went on to win. Oops. » 8/07/14 11:36am 8/07/14 11:36am

Coconut Water Not All That Good For You, Also Lousy And Gross

Many people like to drink coconut water. Some like to drink it because they believe it contains miraculous health-chemicals. Others like to drink it because they believe it tastes good. Both of these groups are incorrect. » 7/30/14 5:24pm 7/30/14 5:24pm

Guy Doesn't Pay World Cup Pool Entry Fee, Tries To Claim Prize Anyway

There are rules we must all adhere to in order to maintain a functional society. Foremost among them is this: If you enter a fantasy league/pick 'em group/tournament pool, you must pay up before it starts, or at the very least promise to pay at the next available opportunity, or you do not get to claim the prize money… » 7/14/14 3:01pm 7/14/14 3:01pm

Helpful Advice From Gabe Kapler: Jerk Off With Coconut Oil

Former MLB outfielder and current Fox Sports 1 talking head Gabe Kapler is a man who possesses a lot of knowledge on how to live a healthy lifestyle, knowledge which he often dispenses on his personal blog, A recent post about the many uses for coconut oil contains some of Kapler's most important… » 6/11/14 10:42am 6/11/14 10:42am

Do Not Wear A Suit With Shorts

Men's shorts are OK. (Women's shorts are also OK, but they are much more obviously OK, and not what we are talking about.) Summers get hot around this part of the solar system; why swaddle those vast swaths of leg-skin behind fabric when you could use them, sensibly, to radiate your body's internal (and rising) heat? » 6/09/14 5:04pm 6/09/14 5:04pm

Youth Flag Football Admin Claims Commish Spent League Fees On "Pussy"

Below you'll find an email from one of the administrators of an Atlanta-area youth flag football league sponsored by the NFL. Sent to a number of league parents, it contains a whole host of bizarre accusations against the commissioner. One of those parents shared it with us. Now we share it with you. » 6/03/14 4:48pm 6/03/14 4:48pm

Tony La Russa Warns Grads About The Machines During Commencement Speech

Tony La Russa gave the commencement speech at Washington University last week. It was, like most commencement speeches, sort of rambly and boring. But there was one La Russian moment that caught our attention, in which the old manager started going on about Styx, the machines, and sabermetrics. » 5/19/14 5:46pm 5/19/14 5:46pm

Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.

These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cleaning" will not… » 4/03/14 4:57pm 4/03/14 4:57pm