Kitten Bowl Player Names, Ranked

Cat puns are the highest form of humor. Now that Hallmark Channel has unveiled the roster for this year's Kitten Bowl, it's time to subjectively and correctly rank the competitors' names. » 1/16/15 11:34am 1/16/15 11:34am

Rolling Stone has a splendid new list of the 15 worst owners in sports, a leaderboard that's changing all the time. Two Cleveland luminaries in the top 10! Several old and dear friends in the top 5! » 11/26/14 9:19am 11/26/14 9:19am

Times Of Day To Have Some Damn Peace And Quiet Around Here, Ranked

When you are a Sad Dad, one of the things you spend the most time pining for—after, like, an actual grown-up date with your spouse, a window of more than five minutes in which to take a shower, and relief from the constant background awareness of your own bottomless inadequacy—is some damn peace and quiet. "Can we… » 11/17/14 3:59pm 11/17/14 3:59pm

Things I Consumed At The Minnesota State Fair, Ranked

Since I married a Minnesotan, I married into Midwestern food traditions like hot dish and pannekoeken. An annual part of that tradition includes The Great Minnesota Get-Together, the second-largest state fair in the country, and its bounty of culinary delights. » 8/29/14 11:56am 8/29/14 11:56am

Actually, Here Is A Good Ranking Of The Fruits

Many internet web sites like to rank the fruits. You can see right away that these rankings are wrong and bad, both because their results are stupid, and for the reason those results are stupid, which is that they were assembled using a lousy-ass amateurish methodology. Amateur bush-league-ass fruit-rankers are… » 8/14/14 2:15pm 8/14/14 2:15pm

Who Really Runs New York Sports? These Terrible Lists Won't Tell You.

According to the readers of the New York Daily News, these are the 15 (actually 17) most powerful people in New York sports: » 7/25/14 4:12pm 7/25/14 4:12pm

The Worst Songs to Play During a Father-Daughter Wedding Dance

Just as guests patiently endure long church weddings between atheists who are appeasing their religious bill-footing parents in order to get to the real fun at the reception, so too have we endured a terrible-ass spring to arrive where we are now, at fun-ass wedding season. And, as such, to the perennial awkwardness… » 6/04/14 5:16pm 6/04/14 5:16pm

Mankind's 10 Stages Of Drunkenness, According To Our Best Sportswriter

In honor of his new book (and in grudging acknowledgment of Frat Boy Thanksgiving), we give you Dan Jenkins's famous list, from Baja Oklahoma: » 3/17/14 4:57pm 3/17/14 4:57pm

Who Was The Best Oscars Host Of The Past 25 Years?

11. James Franco and Anne Hathaway (2011). Always beware of courting the "young," particularly two young people who are basically 50-year-olds in grownup clothing. Franco, stripped of all self-referential schtick, turned into an empty suit with nowhere to hide, and Hathaway's desperate attempts to pep up the room made… » 3/03/14 12:53pm 3/03/14 12:53pm