Times Of Day To Have Some Damn Peace And Quiet Around Here, Ranked

When you are a Sad Dad, one of the things you spend the most time pining for—after, like, an actual grown-up date with your spouse, a window of more than five minutes in which to take a shower, and relief from the constant background awareness of your own bottomless inadequacy—is some damn peace and quiet. "Can we… » 11/17/14 3:59pm 11/17/14 3:59pm

Actually, Here Is A Good Ranking Of The Fruits

Many internet web sites like to rank the fruits. You can see right away that these rankings are wrong and bad, both because their results are stupid, and for the reason those results are stupid, which is that they were assembled using a lousy-ass amateurish methodology. Amateur bush-league-ass fruit-rankers are… » 8/14/14 2:15pm 8/14/14 2:15pm

The Worst Songs to Play During a Father-Daughter Wedding Dance

Just as guests patiently endure long church weddings between atheists who are appeasing their religious bill-footing parents in order to get to the real fun at the reception, so too have we endured a terrible-ass spring to arrive where we are now, at fun-ass wedding season. And, as such, to the perennial awkwardness… » 6/04/14 5:16pm 6/04/14 5:16pm

Who Was The Best Oscars Host Of The Past 25 Years?

11. James Franco and Anne Hathaway (2011). Always beware of courting the "young," particularly two young people who are basically 50-year-olds in grownup clothing. Franco, stripped of all self-referential schtick, turned into an empty suit with nowhere to hide, and Hathaway's desperate attempts to pep up the room made… » 3/03/14 12:53pm 3/03/14 12:53pm