After little Martin Gonzalez of Staten Island unwisely tried to stretch a single into a double and shredded his meniscus and ligaments, his mother contended that anyone but her son was at fault because he hadn't been taught how to slide properly.

The suit...names as defendants the New Springville Little League; the boy's manager, Leigh Bernstein; Little League Baseball Incorporated and "John Doe," a fictitious name for the unidentified first-base coach. The amount of monetary damages sought is not specified.

Good thing that first base coach got to remain anonymous. No kid is going to listen to him when he's waving you around first if two surgeries are a possible outcome.

Little League just paid $125,000 to make this go away, money that is sure to be made up by cutting back on player luxuries like "Neosporin" and "insurance."

None of this would have happened if he had bought Tim Raines's instructional video. If you've got cocaine vials in your back pocket, head-first is the only way to slide.

Meiers Corners Mom Files Suit Against Son's Little League And Coaches [Staten Island Advance]
Staten Island Mom Settles Suit With Little League And Coaches Over Knee Injury [Staten Island Advance]

Meet Marlon Wade, who has been coaching 11-12 year-olds in the Saraland Baseball Association for the past six years. Among his other hobbies are drug trafficking, theft and assault; he was arrested on Thursday while in possession of $24,000 worth of cocaine and an unregistered weapon. In fact, Wade has 22 prior arrests on charges of disorderly conduct, theft and assault.

On the bright side, Wade's team was the best-equipped Little League squad in the world.

So what was he doing coaching Little League? Hey, background checks are expensive.

"It's expensive to do them, but that's not an excuse," said Todd Edge, Commissioner for the Saraland Baseball Association. "We have 150 coaches in the baseball park. I talked to some independent agencies. It's 40 dollars per coach to do a background check, so you're talking about six thousand dollars. We don't get city funding."

Edge also said that Wade has been permanently banned from coaching in the league. That'll teach him.

Coach Caught With Cocaine [WKRG-TV]
Who Checked The Coach? [NBC15]

If there’s one thing I know about youth sports it’s this: Parents will not stop until they’ve squeezed every bit of fun out of the experience, and their children are left trembling, nervous wrecks. Why couldn’t they just let me stay home and watch cartoons?! Um, I mean, let them stay home. Here are some prime examples:

• Nine-year-old banned from his Little League because he pitches too hard. Naturally, lawsuits ensue.

• Miss your snack bar shift and feel the terrible wrath of the Freetown Youth Athletic Association.

• Your 7-year-old won't wear his Packers jersey? Get the masking tape.

• What would 2008 be without Mitch Williams being ejected from a girls youth basketball game for swearing at the refs?

• Now you can't even attend your 5-year-old daughter's soccer game while packing a Glock 26? Is this Russia?

• Where is the woman from the previous item when you need her?

• You're nine, you play Little League, and Dusty Baker is your coach. Hilarity ensues.

• Ten reasons the Little League World Series sucks.

• The fine art of racial profiling, when all the athletes in question are black.

Barbero was sentenced to four years in prison and 35 years of probation after police accused him of sexually assaulting three teenage boys in 1994 and 1995.(The AP article notes those boys Barbero supposedly assaulted were not youth baseball players. See? He's not even interested in athletic-types. Calm down people!)

That still won't placate Torrington's angry mob. As one seething Torrington resident put it, “I couldn’t imagine having my son around that kind of a person at all and then to give him an award… it’s just disgusting."

The Torrington umpires group says it knew about Barbero’s record but honored him anyway because "he deserved recognition." Maybe they can post his certificate award on telephone poles around town and place it in the mail boxes of Torrington residents to better commemorate his achievement?

This Guy Must Have Been One Heck Of An Umpire [The Sports Point]

At least we know how important getting the call right is to 11- year-old ballers. Little League is able to make this decision because ESPN is televising all 32 games. The cameras will only be used, per the AP, for "questionable home runs and other close plays at the outfield fence." Why would Little League make this decision?

Because even Little League has been the victim of a missed home run call.

But the timing of Little League's decision had more to do with logistics, according to Little League officials. Keener began looking into replay after a 2005 U.S. semifinal game between Maitland, Fla., and Rancho Buena Vista, Calif.

An apparent three-run home run by Maitland's Mike Tomlinson was instead ruled a ground-rule double by left-field umpire Steve Oullet; replays from the ESPN telecast showed the ball hit the netting attached to the foul pole before bouncing back onto the field - meaning it should have been a home run.

Which is great. Unless you've been in the grips of depression like Maitland's Mike Tomlinson for the past three years.

Little League World Series to use instant replay [NBC Sports]
We all need to follow ten year olds more often [Walk off walk]

Great, so now every single kid in Beachwood between the ages of 9-12 thinks they're going to play in the Major Leagues instead of the twenty-five kids who make the All-Star Game.

"Yay, Timmy, you're great, nice swing."

Except only your mom is going to cheer for you when you hit a foul ball.
Let's strip away the illusions early, you live in Beachwood, your industry-gone; your jobs — gone; your crack whore who used to let you play fill in the blank between her missing teeth — gone to Louisville, Kentucky where the real money is.

The decision to cancel the game was based on a letter written by Fred Engh.

In pertinent part, Engh marshals the persuasive powers of the English language to argue:

"All-Star games should be benched for several reasons:

• "It doesn’t take much to figure out that kids who mature quicker than others are going to be stronger, faster and probably more productive on the field. So, we’re simply recognizing players whose bodies have developed faster in many cases."

If recognizing bodies that have developed faster is the problem, we might as well eliminate 7th and 8th grade boys. Because they really have no other reason to live.

Beachwood Cancels All-Star Game to Raise Player's Self-Esteem [Fox 8 Cleveland]

Bench All-Star Games. Kids Will Thank You For It [North Star Pubs]

I used to wonder about the Washington State Little League motto: "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Nothing about honesty and fair play? But now it makes perfect sense. And I used to think that the post-game handshake line wasn't worth recording ...

Washington state police are investigating a vicious sucker-punch caught on tape after a Little League baseball game. The incident occurred following a tournament game in Snohomish County over the weekend. As the teams were shaking hands after the game one player pulls back and strikes another in the face. The player who was hit and his family don't want to be identified, but said he was given stitches at a nearby hospital after the incident.

Having lived in Seattle, I understand this incident perfectly. There are only about two weeks' worth of clear skies there all year; you've been indoors for eight months, and by the time you finally get on the baseball field you're so frustrated you just want to punch somebody.

By the way, be sure to check out the comments section here. My favorite: "Only a punk would throw a sucker punch. There are at least nine guys on a baseball team. At least nine people should have been beating the crap out of this kid." — anonymous

Little League Sucker Punch Caught On Tape [WZAZ]

Dave Brouillette, president of the Freetown Youth Athletic Association, said he doesn't like benching the kids, but it has to be done because he can't punish the parents. "Unfortunately, yeah, we are taking it out on the kid in the big scheme of things, but it is very difficult to punish a parent."

And as we all know, someone MUST be punished. And since you are frail and somewhat defenseless my child, I'm afraid that it will have to be you. Carry on, Freetown Youth Athletic Association; you are helping to keep America on the right path. Because as we all know, a nation is only as strong as its ability to dispense Slim Jims.

Boy Benched After Mom Skips Concession Stand Shift [WBZTV.com]
Kid Benched When Mom Skips Concession Shift [SportsbyBrooks]

The New York Observer is reporting that the 74-year-old King , who serves as a volunteer coach of his son's Beverly Hills Little League team, got into a shouting match with an ump on March 10th and was asked to spend the rest of the game watching it from the outfield.

One witness disagress with that re-telling, saying that the talk show Muppet was merely contesting the call, but wasn't at any point "banished."

At this time, King is still a volunteer coach, and only had this to say in response:

"That Teri Garr's one great little actress."

(Okay, he hasn't responded at all.)

Larry King Pitches Fit At Son's Little League Game [NY Observer]

This tactic works best when's it's a Little League game.

Unhappy with a series of calls throughout the game, parents and fans in attendance at a Concord, N.H., little league baseball game last Wednesday expressed their displeasure with the umpires by showering them with vulgarities, threatening them and confronting them face-to-face after the game. The Manchester Central Little League Umpires added that food was thrown at them, including pizza, which hit the referees in the head and in the arms, one umpire said. At one point, the umpires were cornered inside a room.

You know, this tactic absolutely did not work with the late Eric Gregg.

Little League Baseball Umpires Attacked by Fans With Pizza [Fox News]

Wade Campbell threatened to shoot his son's Little League coach when the 12-year-old didn't see enough playing time, the coach alleges. Police arrested Wade Campbell, 46, Sunday after he called the coach and told him "he was going to be shot down like a dog and that they 'f——- with the wrong East Sider," according to a criminal complaint charging Campbell with making terroristic threats.

Judging from dad's photo, we can only imagine how lithe, athletic and fleet on the basepaths Campbell's son must be. We're sure he's indistinguishable from Benny Rodriguez in The Sandlot, and this is all just politics, pure and simple. Campbell's son should be playing every inning of every game! This is bullshit, man!

They're Not As Good As My Kid [Twin Cities.com]
First A Tirade, Then A Threat To Shoot Coach, Charges Say [Minneapolis Star Tribune]

Runner on second, nobody out. Michael steps out of the batter's box to get the sign from his third base coach. Belt, hat, chest, hat; his coach's instructions are clear.

Michael then looks into the stands and relays the signs to his attorney.

Attorney confers with Michael's parents. They issue a brief statement: "At this time we feel that a sacrifice bunt would not be wise." Michael's parents are charged $3,000.

Timmy files a supplemental brief of the United States in opposition to playing right field.

In a new twist on an old rite of passage, Jean Gonzalez is suing a beloved veteran coach for not teaching her son Martin how to slide properly, according to a lawsuit filed on May 4. The litigation stems from an ill-fated play exactly three years earlier, when Martin, then 12, whacked his first hit of the season and was told to go for second by his first-base coach. When he slid into second base, he suffered "serious bodily injury" that required multiple surgeries and caused "permanent scarring and disability," according to the suit filed in Staten Island Supreme Court. The suit did not specify the dollar amount of damages.

We're not sure what team Martin played for, but somehow we imagine him wearing a tiny Cubs uniform.

Base Accusation: Injured Kids' Mom Sues 'Slide Fool' Coach [New York Post]

Note to Cincinnati Little Leaguers: You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. As we mentioned briefly last week, a new rule there for the upcoming season forbids any type of "negative chatter" during youth baseball games. To illustrate, we've made this chart.

• OK to say to the opposition:
"Your uniform certainly looks spiffy, Jeff!"
"Hey batter, how about this cray-zee weather we've been having?"
"Pitcher wears a dress! Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

• No longer legal:
"You hit like Ryan Seacrest!"
"Hey Yankees! You can take your trophy and stick it up your ass!"
Dismantling the other teams' bikes and throwing the parts into the creek.

Will this policy help build children's self esteem? Or is it just another tool to help the terrorists win? We don't claim to have the answers, leaving it to this hard-hitting MSNBC interview segment to sort out the controversy. Our favorite part is when the child psychologist says "The ballfield is about kindness and learning social skills." Totally.

No Chatter, Chatter! [Cincinnati Enquirer]

We take you home today with outstanding home video of a Pee Wee football league parents fight in Corpus Christi, Tex. It has been reported on already, but this is the first time we've seen a video of it.

Sometimes we think that parents should only be allowed to watch their children's games on closed circuit television in an area no closer than three miles from the actual games. Oh, and they should be in restraints and guarded by Lynndie England.

By the way, this video features exclusive Boot To Ass action!

Video Shows Corpus Christi Pee Wee Football Coach Attacking Ref [KLTV]

Actually, yeah: We kinda did. Parents.

Via Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, a parent at his kid's eight-and-nine year old peewee football league was so upset by a call that he had to be tasered by an off-duty cop.

"It's disappointing that two adults would come out and act like that. And I think people will see a bit of that and think it's common practice which it isn't," said Tom Lansing, president of the Gateway Football League.

You can watch the footage at WBIR's site, and while we think it's rather unlikely anyone will watch it and think, "hey, that there is common practice!" we nevertheless think an enterprising coach, eager to move his 11-year-old team to the next level, will adopt the controversial "taser as blocking alignment scheme." It's not difficult for your running back to hit the hole when the whole field is hole.

Sure, there are risks involved, but if you want to win, sacrifices must be mad. Just doin' it for the kids, you know.

Fan Cam Captures Youth Football Taser Incident [WBIR] (via Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer)

Nothing funnier than when a kid says "fuck" on national television. Last night, in the Little League World Series, a player — for Staten Island ... of course — implored his teammates to score "one fucking run." His teammates immediately shush him, not because he cursed, but because he forgot that ESPN has the fucking mikes on.

They didn't get that one fucking run: They lost, 1-0, and were eliminated.

(UPDATE: Correction: Staten Island has not yet been eliminated. Sorry.)

From the New York Daily News:

[Almonte's new wife] said she's known Almonte since his infamous Little League days.

"He always used to tell me things and I was like, 'You're a minor . . . we'd get in trouble," the pretty, freckle-faced bride said with a smile from a couch in the Bronx apartment she shares with Almonte.

The time she's referring to, by the way, is when Almonte was 14 and she was 25, which would indeed count as "trouble." Careful, Danny: Your new wife's biological clock is ticking. Don't be surprised to see another Almonte Little Leaguer sooner than you think, friend. Hell, if you lie about his age, you can sneak him in a couple of years early.

Glove Struck [New York Daily News]
Danny Almonte Still Can't Keep A Secret [The Big Lead]
Danny Almonte [Wikipedia]

In his latest column over at SI.com, the poor man's Denis Leary takes a poke at Little League baseball, trotting out the weary, cliched premise that kids' leagues which don't keep score are somehow preparing our youth for pea coats and collective farming. Mohr complains that his Godson, who plays in a T-ball league for 6- and 7-year-olds, hit two home runs that were limited to doubles because of the league's no-homer rule. Also, the game was declared a tie even though his team won. Says Mohr:

I am so sick and tired of all the coddling that goes on in kids' sports these days. If your child feels bad when he gives up a home run, then help him get over it. Why not teach kids at a young, impressionable age that there are winners and losers? Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That's what the game — and life — is all about.

We agree with Mohr that life isn't fair sometimes — like that time we had to sit through Crash, for instance. But while Mohr the neo-journalist is at that impressionable young age, he needs to be made aware of two things: First, the "Kids these days are too soft and parents are too overprotective" angle ceased to be fresh many years ago ... in fact, French archeologists have found cave paintings dealing with the subject as far back as 18,000 B.C. Second, no Little League in our wide and wonderful land implements hitting restrictions such as these all the way through every age division. It's only in some T-ball leagues — for 6- and 7-year-olds — that home runs are not allowed, and if you ask the typical child of that age how he feels about it, he won't care; he'd rather be at home playing in mud anyway.

Mohr, by the way, is a devout Yankees fan who claims that his team's traditional success has nothing to do with payroll — making him one of the last members of baseball's version of the Flat Earth Society.

Eye-Opening Experience [SI.com]