A warning: I may not have the heart to give this the attention it doesn't deserve. But I'll try my best in solidarity with my brothers across the Hudson.

9:51: And we have 0-18. That'll be it for this miserable live blog. "An imperfect storm," says Ian Eagle, perhaps misunderstanding the meaning of imperfect. What's the opposite of undefeated? "Defeated?" Yeah, that sounds about right.

9:50: 30 seconds left, and a pretty substantial cascade of boos comes down from the crowd. Not being facetious when I say "at least they care."

9:48: And we've reached the point of the game where the commentators are going over their lists of past broadcast partners they enjoyed working with more than each other.

9:47: Jason Kidd hits the bench with 16 points, 8 rebounds, 10 assists, and 5 steals. I know all other things aren't equal, but Devin Harris's corresponding numbers are 17, 1, 3 and 2.

9:45: It's an 18-point game with 3:10 left. At this point I'm just praying that Jersey doesn't make it close enough to make it worth fouling.

9:41: My will is flagging. Nets fans, is it like this every night? It's one thing to be bad, but something else entirely to be boring. The pieces look like they're there, and in a few years with a few good moves this franchise could be right back at the top, but right now, this is torture to watch.

9:38: I've never seen a team miss so consistently those just-for-fun shots after play stops.

9:35: Nets close the lead to 16, and their fan goes wild.

9:25: It occurs to me that the Nets have a very winnable game against the Bobcats on Friday, and could break their streak by moving to 1-18; the inverse of the greatest streak breaker in history.

9:21: It's 105-78 at the end of the third quarter. If we ignore that whole 49-point outburst in the second, these two teams look evenly matched. And if we ignore the previous 17 games, New Jersey is undefeated this year.

9:15: Sean Williams goaltends by hanging on the rim when Dirk was shooting, for some reason. Next time down the court, the Nets fail to get a shot off in their 24 seconds.

9:12:The Nets are making a run! They're within 20. Highly disappointed with this development, Rick Carlisle calls a timeout to make his players think about what they've done.

9:11: The Nets are averaging 86 points a game. Dallas scored 88 with 7:26 left in the third quarter.

9:08: Some astounding numbers from midway through the third: the Mavs are shooting 72% from the floor, and slightly better from beyond the arc.

9:05: Announcer: "Kiki Vandeweghe probably is the best shooter associated with the Nets." Honestly, put him in! If you're going to fail, at least sell tickets while you do it.

9:03: Erick Dampier goes for a put-back, lands, sets himself, and jumps again to tip in his own shot, all while three Nets defenders stand by and watch.

8:55: Oh no! Noelle is being kicked off So You Think You Can Dance! Also, probably the Nets are doing something poorly, why not.

8:53: And, we're back. Dirk hits an unguarded 25-footer. Lovely.

8:50: Let's see what's going on with the Knicks...oh, down 21. When's baseball season again?

8:48Jason Kidd and Kenyon Martin both ripped Bruce Ratner this week for caring more about real estate than the Nets. It's hard to blame him; the difference is, people expect the real estate market to rebound eventually.

8:43: Poor Nancy Newman doing the around-the-NBA highlights at the half can't keep a tinge of jealousy out of her voice every time some other team goes something good. Sad, really.

8:37: And it's halftime, with the Mavs up 77-50. It's a pattern; NJ was down 25 at the half to the Lakers on Sunday when they had a chance to avoid tying the record. "Did they give up already?" asks one non-sports-fan friend. "Maybe they just get tired easily," opines the girlfriend. I opt for all of the above.

8:33: The Muppets are singing at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting. Best sixth man: Bobby Simmons, or Rizzo the Rat?

8:30: I look up, and it's a 20-point game. When did this happen?

8:27: Spectacular ball movement by the Nets had the Mavs totally off balance, culminating in a missed 7-footer. Dirk promptly nails a three-pointer on the other end. Story of the season.

8:21: Dallas is up 48-39. It's like a child torturing a spider, pulling out the legs one at a time. The damn thing keeps wiggling, but you're just waiting for the moment when the child gets tired of the game and squishes it.

8:17: My girlfriend has put on "So You Think You Can Dance." I barely brought myself to care enough to ask her to turn it back.

8:13: The Nets' highest paid player, Bobby Simmons, has a name that makes him sound like a fat, older white guy who works at your office. He's also averaging less than 20 minutes per game.

8:07: And after a quarter, we're tied up at 28. It's the most points the Nets have scored in the first quarter all year. If these teams stay on the same pace...they'll be forever tied and we'll have infinite overtimes.

8:04: Terrence Williams with a monster dunk on a breakaway. This team has a good amount of talent, or at least not an 0-17 lack of talent. But, much like my fantasy football team, barely falling short time after time will still count as a string of losses. I'm not bitter.

8:01: The mic picks up that same damn kid, screaming "airball" at the top of his lungs. Urge to kill...rising.

7:57: Nets on an 8-0 run to tie the game at 19. I know it's early, but if the Nets pull this out, where does this rank with the greatest wins of all time? Higher than the Miracle on Ice? Upset beating Man O'War?

7:51: 6:25 left in the 1st, Mavs up 17-9. Hollinger says statistically, the T-Wolves are worse than the Nets, but as a liveblog is rapidly teaching me, sometimes you have to watch the games to see how hapless a team is.

7:48: The announcers stumble over Rodrigue Beaubois's name, leading to some French jokes culminating with "Do you like croissants?" Not sure how that's any less offensive than the Hamed Haddadi jokes.

7:46: As Kidd shoots a pair of free throws, the crowd mic picks up a child booing at the top of his lungs. Darn kids, no sense of their team's storied history.

7:42: And Jason Kidd hits the three. Told you.

7:42: Nets win the tip! And score on the first possession! This will likely be the only win, and only lead tonight.

7:39: To a man, the Nets say the record's not important. Then why is every question asked about the record?

7:35: Poor Tom Barrise. Kiki Vandeweghe takes over as coach tomorrow, so Barrise's only two games as an NBA coach are record-tying and -setting losses.

7:30: Nice little package to start the YES Network broadcast, complete with dramatic music. We're a part of history here, folks.

7:25: They're going with the same lineup tonight. Got to dance with the one what brought you, I suppose.

* * * * *

That was ... something. The Tigers sure know how to lose big. Credit to the Twins for their comebacks—all of them—and good luck getting to Yankee Stadium on time tomorrow. What a fucking game. I'm out of gas. On the bright side, no one will be hitting me with a cookie sheet anytime soon.

Oh, and the moral of the story? Never volunteer to live blog anything. Ever again.

Post-Game Music Selection:
"Baby, I'm A Star" by Prince. (as interpreted by eight-year-olds.
Alternate Music Selection: What else?

FINAL: Twins 6, Tigers 5, 12 innings

9:46: It's over. Casilla dribbles one to right. Kelly is no where near it and Gomez scores easily.

9:44: Cuddyer grounds to third. Inge makes a nifty play to get the out, but runner moves into scoring position. Delmon Young will be walked to get to Casilla.

9:41: Rodney is still going. Base hit by Gomez starts the 12th.

BOTTOM of the TWELFTH

9:38: Laird strikes out. Sad trombone.

9:35: Gerald Laird again comes to the plate in a clutch situation.

9:34: Giant chopper to second. Punto comes home and gets the force. Still tied. Bases still loaded. Two outs.

9:32: Chip Carey likes the term "fisted" to describe hits near the hands. Just sayin'

9:32: Inge is nearly hit by the first pitch (his baggy shirt was grazed) but the ump will have nothing of it. Worth a shot.

9:30: Rayburn intentionally walked. Inge hits with the bases loaded.

9:28: Don Muthafuckin' Kelly! Single to left center, the OF throws to third so Kelly advances to second. Cabrera on third. Still one out.

9:26: Miguel Cabrera draws a walk. I'm out of police/drunk jokes.

9:23: Clete Thomas—who subbed for Magglio Ordonez as a defensive replacement and has not had a ball hit anywhere near him—lines out to Gomez.

TOP of the TWEVTEHAVHA

8:19: Joe Mauer comes up hacking. Quick ground out to second and the game keeps going. Can some one bring me a sandwich?

9:18: And surprise! Cabrera strikes out looking. Any other game of the year and he gets run.

9:17: Orlando Cabrera picks an excellent time to complain about the strike zone. Sheesh.

9:15: See Ryan Rayburn. That's how you make a ridiculous diving catch. (Now don't ever do it again, Granderson!)

BOTTOM of the ELEVENTH

9:12: Bobby Keppel is the eighth Twins pitcher tonight and he gets Polanco to line out to second. That might be it.

9:09: Curtis Granderson strikes out. Mahay takes a seat. Hey, we paid for the pitchers we're going to use them!

9:06: It's Ron Mahay!

9:04: Adam Everett is out! K. Pitching change.

9:04: P.S. How happy are the Yankees, right now?

9:03: Adam Everett is up!

TOP of the ELEVENTH. Twins 5 - Tigers 5

9:01: Ryan Rayburn redeems himself. Catches a shallow fly ball from Punto and then guns down Alexi Casilla at the plate on the tag up. Inning over.

9:00: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

8:57: Chopper up the middle evades Polanco. Cuddyer scores. Runners at the corners.

8:56: Tigers looking for double play.

8:55: Harris walks and Rodney throws like a madman. Conference time.

8:52: Young chops one to short. Not enough to score the run. 1 out.

8:51: Ryan Rayburn makes one of the all-time bone head plays, trying to dive for a shoe string catch. The ball gets past him all the way to the wall and Cuddyer has a lead off triple. Unbelievable.

8:49: Rodney vs. Cuddyer, Young and Harris

BOTTOM of the TENTH. Score: Tigers 5 - Twins 4

8:46: Laird grounds out again. Inning over. One more chance for Minnesota.

8:46: Inge laces a double to left and "Wheels" Kelly comes all the way around to score. 5-4 Tigers. Wow.

8:43: Rayburn takes a big swing at strike three. Two outs.

8:40: Aubrey Huff pinch hits and gets hit. Knicked on the lower leg—thank you, bell bottoms!—and he takes his base. Don Kelly pinch runs.

8:38: Jesse Crain replaces Nathan and gets Miguel Cabrera to ground to short. Cuddyer saves a wild throw by Orlando C. and makes the tag. (Updates fast and furious now.)

TOP of the TENTH
Musical Suggestion: "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne

8:35: Gomez grounds to Everett at short. Extra innings. Wow.

8:35: BTW, Carlos Gomez is now hitting where Kubel was.

8:34: Mauer is walked. Amazing play by Inge to nail Cabrera at first and keep the runner on second.

8:33: Brandon Inge makes a miracle stop to save the game! Robs Cabrera of a potential game winning hit. Mauer will almost certainly be walked.

8:31: Pitching change. Fernando Rodney coming in.

8:30: Span sacrifices. Punto to second. One out. Cabrera up, Mauer on deck.

8:29: Punto walks. Season-winning run on board.

8:27: Ok. I'm going to attempt to be professional and put that aside for now. Punto working on the 10th pitch of his at bat.

8:26: Come on, TBS. Not one serviceable replay of Granderson getting doubled off first? Seriously?

BOTTOM of the NINTH

8:24: Give me another minute here.

8:23: Ummmm.

8:19: Gulp. Polanco strikes out on a VERY inside slider. ohhhhhh

8:15: Granderson apparently owns Joe Nathan. HUUUGE hit to right. 1st and 3rd. No outs.

8:12: HOLY COW, RAMON SANTIAGO. A bunt single off Joe Nathan? TASTE THE GRIT!

TOP of the NINTH Score: Twins 4, Tigers 4
Musical Suggestion: "Burning Heart" by Survivor

8:09: Lyon gets a big strikeout. And ... I'm spent.

8:07: Two big chopping grounders and Lyon has two outs. I must have been imagining that screeching noise and smell of burnt rubber.

BOTTOM of the EIGHTH

8:02: Laird definitely pulled something trying to layoff that cutter. Yes, he's very out.

7:59: Nathan is in and he takes care of Inge easily. Two down. And Laird is up.... sigh.

7:57: Just another thought. Is Craig Sager still there? Has he made even one "sideline" report since the first inning?

7:54: Ryan Rayburn battling ... battling ... and walk. 1st and 2nd, 1 out. Pitching change.

7:48: A walk to Guillen (after Cabrera's ground out) brings a visit from the pitching coach. And NOW Joe Nathan is warming up. (Shakes head slowly...)

7:46: "Like the great City of Detroit, don't count out these Tigers." Do the Tigers also get a standing 42-year count?

7:43: I swear I wrote that last sentence before Magglio Ordonez ripped a game-tying home run. Honest!

7:42: Just a thought. The Tigers have their three, four and five hitters coming up. It's the eighth inning, but wouldn't it make sense for the Twins to bring their closer in now? I know that's thinking drastically outside the box, but.....

TOP of the EIGHTH. Score: Twins 4, Tigers 3
Musical Suggestion: "Burning Down The House" by Talking Heads

7:40: Lyon gets Cuddyer to surrender with a weak dribbler. Inning over.

7:37: Kuble skies one to Granderson. Two outs and Ni is done. Now Brandon Lyon will do ... what, exactly? I'm sure that rattling noise was just something in the road. I wouldn't worry about it.

7:35: Miner is finally asked to leave the building. Fu-Te Ni will try something now.

7:32: Mauer singles. Does that lug nut look loose to you?

7:30: Orlando Freakin' Cabrera ... of all people ... two-run home run. Twins lead. And he still has to deal with Joe Mauer.

7:28: Twins decide not to play small ball with Denard Span ... and he strikes out. Did Gardenhire lose The Book?

7:27: Miner faces Punto in an epic at bat. Yes, really. Lead off single.

BOTTOM of the SEVENTH

MIDDLE of the SEVENTH
Musical Suggestion: "Take Me Out To The Ball Game"

7:20: Polanco grounds weekly to short. It took four pitchers but the Twins escape with no further damage. Someone please open a window or something.

7:15: Granderson battles a full count then rips a single to right. 1st and 3rd with two outs for Polanco. Mijares is gone. Matt Guerrier is in.

7:11: Rauch gets his two outs and sits. Granderson will face Jose Mijares. (Confidential to Ben: Walk over to Leitch's desk and ask him. I hear he's got pull over there.)

7:09: Jon Rauch replaces Baker and tricks Gerald Laird into a botched bunt flyout. He's the goat. Even if they win.

7:07: Inge battles for a lead off walk and Baker is chased.

Speaking of existential crises, Ben Mathis-Lilley of NY Mag writes to say that MLB.tv has turned his life into a Kafka short story. The man just wants to watch a baseball game at work and instead he gets incomprehensible camera angles and more Ron Darling than should be allowed. The horror.....

TOP of the SEVENTH. Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 2
Musical Selection: "Fever" by Peggy Lee

7:00: Tolbert cranks one to center but Granderson pulls it in. Bullet dodged. This time. The Tigers' unpredictable bullpen turns every at bat from here on out into an existential crisis.

6:58: Oh Zach. Brendan Harris pinch hits and doesn't even get the bat off his shoulder before getting plunked. Bases loaded for Matt Tolbert.

6:57: Huge bloop of a base hit for Delmon Young. Runners at the corners. 2 out. Please keep your hands and feet inside the car.

6:54: In the first true high-pressure at bat of the game, Procello walks Cuddyer and immediately gets pulled by Jim Leyland. What a performance for a 20-year-old rookie, though.

Zach Miner will replace him. Here we go.....

6:49: The rookie rings up Mauer and just when you think Porcello has the answer ... Jason Kubel changes the question. Upper deck home run. 3-2.

6:47: Eight in a row retired by Porcello. Can he make it once around with Mauer?

BOTTOM of the SIXTH:

6:44: MORE POPUPS! Baker works his way through the inning quickly. I should probably move up my dinner reservation.

6:43: Cabrera starts the inning by not hurting anyone. A mixed blessing?

TOP of the SIXTH. Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 1
Musical Suggestion: "Hair of the Dog" by Nazareth

6:39: Cheer up, Dave! Your team is ahead!

6:37: Strikeout. Groundout. Porcello's is cruising now. He's younger than Ralph Branca! Or something.

BOTTOM of the FIFTH

6:33: And then the inning ends. How many jobs did that cost the D?

6:32: Yes! It took five innings, but we finally got our first "what would this mean to the City of Detroit" discussion. I knew Chip and Ron wouldn't let me down. Of course, they could not provide an actual answer to that question, because you can't build trucks out of baseballs.

6:30: A hit! (Polanco to center.) That's something fun!

6:30: Another pop up. This time to Cuddyer. Two down. (Don't mention the football game, don't mention the football game....)

6:27: Santiago is out on a fly ball behind third. The pace of the game has slowed down a bit, which is unfortunate because Righteous Rick was my only anecdote.

TOP of the FIFTH. Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 1
Musical Suggestion: "Higher and Higher" by Jackie Wilson

6:24: Flyout to second, followed by another strikeout of Morales.

6:21: Cuddyer is Procello's fifth strikeout of the game. He's looking very sharp, but how many pitches does he have in him? Once we get to the Tiger bullpen, all bets are off.

6:19: Did Leitch call me a Clarabell this morning? What does that even mean?

BOTTOM of the FOURTH, Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 1

6:17: 5-4-3 double play for Gerald Laird, despite a very hard slide by Rayburn. The catcher is not doing well.

6:15: Brandon Inge pops out to first. One down. Still haven't seen a bunt, which would blow Joe Morgan's mind if he was actually watching this game.

6:12: Bob Keppel is warming up for the Twins. It's safe to say these guys are on very short leashes.

6:11: Another hit for Rayburn starts the fourth. Why does Ron Gardenhire always look like he'd rather be driving a tractor somewhere?

TOP of the FOURTH Musical Suggestion: "Alex Chilton" by The Replacements

6:07: Mauer walks. Zach Miner starts warming up, but Kubel fans on a fastball. We've got a game.

6:03: Or maybe Mauer can just stand there. Procello's pick off throw bounces off the first base coach and Tolbert scores from third. 3-1.

6:01: Cabrera files out to right, but deep enough to for Tolbert to tag and reach third. Now it's all up to Mauer.

5:59: Porcello sits down Nick Punto, but Span singles. 1st and 2nd with 1 out for Orlando Cabrera. Mauer on deck.

5:56: Inge saves extra bases with a great diving stop, but Matt Tolbert reaches on an infield single. He's like Minnesota's version of the Rally Monkey.

BOTTOM of the THIRD

5:52: Baker gets Guillen swinging to get out of the inning. There's a lot of baseball left, so let's not lose our heads, people.

5:50: Wow. Maybe Miguel Cabrera should get arrested more often. A towering two-run jack gives Detroit a 3-0 lead.

5:49: A deafening silence at the Metrodome, says Chip Carey. Maybe that's because he's wearing headphones?

5:47: MAGGLIO! Base hit to right center brings in Granderson. 1-0 Tigers.

5:45: Granderson narrowly avoids getting doubled up at second base, but can't break up the throw to first that gets Polanco. Runner at second, two outs.

5:41: Santiago flies out to center, followed by a Granderson walk. By the way, remember Rick, the Henry Rollins look-alike who de-pantsed a handsy Detroit Lions fan? Apparently, he's become a "minor celebrity" on Detroit talk radio and is now known as "Righteous Rick." I'm not making that up.

TOP of the THIRD Musical Suggestion: "The Ballad of El Goodo" by Big Star

5:37: Jose Morales gets mowed down on three pitches before I can tell you that Delmon Young got mowed down on four. We might get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight.

5:35: Cuddyer grounds out to third to start the inning. Three ground ball out for Porcello. Why isn't the turf helping Minnesota more?

BOTTOM of the SECOND

5:31: Shockingly, Gerald Laird also fails to deliver. Pops out behind to shall left and the threat is shut down. What have we learned so far?

5:30: Inge hits a laser (not really, more like a masse shot) to short, but Cabrera snares it and nobody is going anywhere.

5:27: A Texas leaguer from Ryan Rayburn puts runners at the corners with one out. Baker is dancing around Brandon Inge, believe it or not.

5:26: Carlos Guillen fails to move the runner. NEEDS MORE SMALL BALL!

5:24: Tipsy McStagger jumps all over the 1-2 pitch (double to the gap) and the Tigers are business.

TOP of the SECOND Musical Suggestion: "Fooled Around and Fell In Love" by Elvin Bishop

5:20: Kubel gets handcuffed and flies weakly to short. CRISIS AVERTED!

5:19: Mauer breaks up the no-hitter with a shot in the gap and than Jeters it into a double. But is that real leadership?

5:17: Denard Span starts things off with a groundout to first. Orlando Cabrera answers with a grounder to short. I'm having trouble picking up whatever frequency Ron Darling is using.

5:14: I guess George Lopez is TBS's new workhorse. I never thought I'd say this, but I kinda miss Caliendo.

BOTTOM of the FIRST

5:12: Magglio Ordonez had his $18 million contract resolved "favorably." Yes, that's one way to put it. 0-1 is another. F-9.

5:10: Holy cow! Fans in the upper deck. How can they leave this place? (That's a strikeout of Polanco. Two down.)

5:09: Baker works Curtis Granderson into a pop out to start the game. Woe betide the Motor City!

TOP OF THE FIRST

5:07: Nice purple blazer, Sager! Did you join the Revolution you, biased homer sell out?! Why I ... Oh right.

This is actually the second year in a row that I've live blogged a divisional tie-breaker involving the Twins so that officially makes it a tradition! So many memories ... so many exclamation points! Anyway! The Tigers have been in first place since May 10 and led by as many as seven a month ago. Yet here we are. Tied in Game 163. The Twins just kept plugging along, playing better and better, but just flawed enough to not win outright. They're led by the probable AL MVP and the Tigers have this drunk guy. Again, they're basically even.

The Tigers send rookie Rick Porcello and the Twins counter with Scott Baker. Oh, and it's on TBS if you can remember where that is on your cable system. I hope Frank TV is on later!

Pre-Game Musical Suggestion: "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones

From Sean Salisbury:

Lawsuit of ur lives. I havnt been this excited in a long time justice will finally be served and I will be laughing the whole way

Sent from my iPhone

From Me:

For real? I don't get it, honestly.

From Sean Salisbury:

These hurtful thing u guys do usually come from the like of you who get not respect and are jealous that ur life is relegated to rumors and lies but it's about to stop through the proper legal matters and I can hardly stop smiling the rest of our contact will be thru legal people so get all the digs in you can because u guys are about to revitalize my career and bank account

Sent from my iPhone

From Sean Salisbury

So you know I got some pics and smut on you that are gonna give you a taste of how it feels. I'm a sly dude. No more lies about me but the truth about you and the clearance of my name will happen. Get a lawyer

Sent from my iPhone

'Til the next episode...

And...more:

From Sean Salisbury:

Suing u guys is not helping cause. I've been informed by powerhouse people that I can take care of this with the lawsuit. What cause you think you guys can ruin my reputation anymore than you have by telling people I'm suing you. I deserve my reputationback not a bunch of lies and crap. The book will take care I'd the whole espn nonsense and trust me you will have enough stuff on people for the rest of ur deadspin life. How can u guys hurt my reputation any worse

Sent from my iPhone

From Sean Salisbury:

I can live with you but deadspin has tried to ruin me for the last time. You can't joke about this all u want my man but it's reality. Whether I like you or not this is about lies and they will get fixed and u guys will clear my name

Sent from my iPhone

Who's exhausted?

Another update:

From Sean Salisbury:

What suing u guys for lies and ruining a mans reputation. You guys can hurt me any worse. Damage has been done. But it will get fixed only thing that can happen is my life gets betterand reputation gets fixed and all the money that goes with it. But reputation is what matters to me. Money yawn. Plenty of that who cares but all that can comeof this is good for me

Sent from my iPhone

And Another:

From Sean Salisbury:

And I have hired a powerful Pr firm as well. From NYC. Should have done this 3 years ago

Sent from my iPhone

And another:

Me:

You're on a phone, right?

Call?

From Sean Salisbury:

No thx u guys have fucked me over for the last time. No matter what I say u won't and never havebeen fair or honest with me. You write a sentence then u make a snide comment. Pr firm and lawyer will give you more than you ever thought possible as well as my publisher but they aren't talking abot book until it becomes a blitz that [redacted}espn will not believe hell heads should start ducking now and they should get there [redacted] prepared for some major reputations ruined there too off the record. Stars lights are gonna dim in a hurry. 13 years of journal damn I'm a smart guy

Sent from my iPhone

Another update:

From Sean Salisbury:

You have all u need and the truth. No calls like I said you guys have lied and ripped me and ruined a reputation now all ur sources and print will be heard in court and I will win and I will get name cleared and with all the stuff going on and government enacting laws to protect celebs and the defamation u guys and others put out. No better time to sue and will. Timing is perfect Plus I love that you guys keep writing ur nonsense.

Sent from my iPhone

From Sean Salisbury:

I will never discuss on phone. All my emails r true and if you think writing about them bothers me and that ur hurting ur not. Hell write I want the message out. Already had a few "nervous" people text me today. So be as rude and negative as you like I save everything. Get the word out we (lawyers)coming after deadspin first. I know you thing this is funny cut same things ur laughing at now will make you cry later. Trust me I been there. So did I give you enough stuff to write more derogotory stuff about me. Trust me there is a method to the madness

Sent from my iPhone

From Me:

On Sep 23, 2009, at 5:45 PM, "A.J. Daulerio" wrote:

Then tell me who you think threw you under the bus at ESPN and I'll
know it's you. Remember? We had that conversation off the record. You
named a name. I never said who it was.

From Sean Salisbury
7:01 PM (6 minutes ago)

I know who it was and I have so much saved up. Well it's me because I did my interview with you from my office with open sports and Rogers and cowen listening in. And I'm sorry but I am not out of control at all very hapy poised and methodical. You of course after I gave u that interview made a bunch of bullshit remarks about it. Buddy I'm not one bit out of control. Keeping u in loop and the private investigator I hired found out plenty on the bus tosser. No issue. The book and lawsuit r coming and ur source will be subpoened. Not out of control just getting my reputationand career back the career that was and still is a needle mover ratings my friend cannot be denied. And neither will my good reputation

Sent from my iPhone

From Me:

That's crap, Sean. I transcribed everything you said and I was trying
to be fair — but just like this email, you sounded a little crazed,
vindictive and delusional.

Look, good luck with this stuff. I hope you get it sorted out.

I'm sure I'll hear from you soon.

From Sean Salisbury:

It will get sorted. Crazed. Nah. If u had someone lie about ur life u would be a bit passionate. Vindictive nah but I will be vindicated for all the lies. Hey I'm a dad trying to raise kids and get reputation cleared and a lawsuit will bring everyone to carpet. So feel free to go on ur deadspin and call me those names. The only thing delusional is the lies about me but let ur source know it will get sorted the true honest and legal way. Be anxious to read about my vindictive ways. But I cannot wait till it all gets settled as calm as could be just four years late but it will be sweeter now consider this ur interview now lawyer gets to fix it. Thx bud I hope u write about this. Vindication is sweet. Be good my man

Sent from my iPhone

From Me:

Okay. Please try to keep it together.

From Sean Salisbury:

Keep what together. Is that one of ur condesending remarks. I am together happy on the beach and raising my kids. I have never in my life not been together. I was raised right. So I'm not quite sure what u mean. I'm a but more concerned with you u concerned with me. Damn dude u can try that reverse stuff and act as if I have some issue my only problem is seeing u guys get what u got coming. Try putting that on ur site that u r concerned with me keeping it together lmao. You go and spin it like that. My life is a vacation and part of that is making sure u guys don't try and ruin another reputation. I'm together

Sent from my iPhone

From Sean Salisbury

These emails r from beach. I hope u can get it together lol

Sent from my iPhone

From Sean Salisbury:

Now that I gave u warning about lawsuit. Don't forget to get the name if the book write ok. Thx man

Sent from my iPhone

We're reading from top to bottom tonight.

Recent Picks

11. New Jersey Nets: Terrance Williams, Louisville. TWill has a versatile game that will serve him well for years in the league. I'm starting to like the Nets a lot more, and that scares me a little.

12. Charlotte Bobcats: Gerald Henderson, Duke. It's a well known fact that Charlotte's scouts do not travel outside the state of North Carolina. At least Henderson can score. How he matches up against other shooting guards is the real question.

13. Indiana Pacers: Tyler Hansbrough, UNC. Damn, Woj finally missed one. The Pacers are whiter than French Lick.

14. Phoenix Suns: Earl Clark, Louisville And the run on Cardinals commences! Clark isn't there but Bradon Jennings decided to come out to say hello. Big surprise, he and Stern are both wearing purple ties.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ALL THE DAMN PURPLE?

Trade Update

The trade can't be made official until free agency begins, but nobody cares about that. What matters is that Stephen Curry is going to be heading for Phoenix and Amar'e Stoudemire will head to Golden State. Andris Biedrins is the other big component in the proposed deal.

15. Detroit Pistons: Austin Daye, Gonzaga Daye doesn't strike me (or anyone) as classic Piston. Regardless, he has a smooth game and a lot of that ever so precious upside. Not to mention all the length. Yes, we must mention the length. Because he's long, you see.

Oh good, I've been wondering what Dickie V has to say. What's that, he likes Hansbrough and Curry? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US SOONER, DICKIE? One of them can flat out play, the other can flat out shoot. I'll let you figure out which is which.

Oh God, don't let my boy Blair go to the Bulls. That's Washington and Pitt homerism right there.

Anyone who doesn't love Brandon Jennings is a terrorist. Flat out.

16. Chicago Bulls: James Johnson, Wake Forest /pumps fist. Upside. Length. Kickboxing champion. How could the Bulls pass on all that?

Steve Kerr is don of the purple mafia. Quit being so coy!

17. Philadelphia 76ers: Jrue Holiday, UCLA. Well it's about damn time. He struggled mightily for stretches last year under Ben Howland, but he is a beast. I certainly didn't think he'd be the last man in the green room.

Why are these interview chairs so damn big? Everybody looks like they're getting swallowed.

Stu Scott with the solid nugget about Jrue being the girl's tennis team's manager in high school. Great gig. Lofty gig.

Minnesota pretty much has to go Lawson right her, yes? Then they can pretend like they're not going to trade any of their point guards.

18. Minnesota Timberwolves: Ty Lawson, UNC HOLY SHIT! Okay, they might have to make a trade or two. That makes three point guards taken this round by the Wolves. Somewhere Bill Simmons is telling somebody how he should have been running this draft.

And now we have confirmation that Ty Lawson will be the odd man out. He's heading to Denver by way of Charlotte. Or something. It's a good pickup for the Nuggets, and it's the perfect spot in the draft to make a move for him.

19. Atlanta Hawks: Jeff Teague, Wake Forest. That's a perfect fit for the Hawks. Teague will fit into that offense nicely, and give them a huge boost off the bench. Something former first rounder Acie Law never could do on a consistent basis.

Ernie Grunfeld, the time is now. Move up with the 32nd pick and take DeJuan Blair. You can make it happen. You turned Kwame Brown into Caron Butler.

20. Utah Jazz: Eric Maynor, VCU Bilas is sad to tell you that Maynor is neither long, nor athletic. Then again, if he were those things the Jazz probably wouldn't have drafted him.

The Knicks fans are now booing Larry Brown. This surprises no one.

21. New Orleans Hornets: Darren Collison, UCLA. And there goes the Bruin backcourt. Collison is an ideal backup to Chris Paul. I can't believe these teams are passing on Blair.

DeMar seems ready to erase some bad memories in Toronto.

Portland traded up to the 22nd spot, but it might be too late. Yahoo! is saying that they were eying Collison with that pick.

22. Portland Trailblazers: Victor Claver, Spain A lanky ginger who can really play. The Blazers are fortunate enough to have no glaring needs, so they can draft for the future this year.

Finally, the Shaq interview. The Big Witness starts things off with some condolences to the Jackson family. At first I thought he was threatening Phil, then again I'm an idiot.

It's funny because Mike Brown is going to get fired.

23. Sacramento Kings: Omri Casspi, Israel Fuck yeah! Mazel, Omri. Mazel. I'm loving Sacramento tonight. They've made two awesome players tonight. Ziller better be pumped.

Breaking news out of Gawker headquarters: Perez Hilton is a douchetard.

24. Dallas Mavericks: BJ Mullens, Ohio State. That...that's not a good pick. Somebody had to take the big toolsy youngster, but Dallas has been burned by some raw big men in the past.

...and Blair continues to fall. Seven more picks. That's all I ask.

Hell, even if Oklahoma City does pass on him Chicago is right there.

25. Oklahoma City Thunder: Rodrigue Beaubois, France. The Thunder are passing this pick on to Dallas in exchange for BJ Mullens. Now things are making some sense.

The Knicks are pushing hard to land Rubio, but so far Minnesota isn't budging. The Wolves have them by the balls, and it's fun. (via Yahoo!)

26. Chicago Bulls: Taj Gibson, USC. Oh lord, that's an awful pick. Unless DeJuan Blair's knees are filled with sawdust this is ludicrous.

Oh and Sam Young is still around, just sayin'. The guy did have his arm impaled at the combine. Didn't really bother him.

This is a perfect spot for Sam Young or DaJuan Summers. The analysts were just discussing how they need a small forward who can provide some scoring.

27. Memphis Grizzles: DeMarre Carroll, Missouri Well the Grizzles will certainly be scrappier.

Okay Minnesota, Nick Calathes. Do it. Do it now.

David Stern is a rockstar.

28. Minnesota Timberwolves: Wayne Ellington, UNC Well at least he's a guard.

Uh, Lisa, they were calling Hansbrough overrated.

29. Los Angeles Lakers*: Toney Douglas, Florida State. *= not really. The Knicks are buying this pick, and they're trading Quentin Richardson for Darko. Darko in New York! A for Douglas, he's a bit of a beast, Knicks fans should take to him quickly.

30. Cleveland Cavaliers: Christian Eyenga, Congo Okay sure, why not? I don't think we'll be seeing him in next year's rotation.

That's it for the first round, say goodnight to Mr. Stern.

So yeah, one more pick before the Wizards. My favorite player is on the board. Team sure could use a rebounding power forward. Come on, Big Ern.

Hey Sacramento, I thought we were cool. Hurry the fuck up.

Don't try taking them on Silver, you'll lose.

31. Sacramento Kings: Jeff Pendergraph, Arizona State. Holy shit. Can't type. Shaking. Pendergraph? eh, not bad, low ceiling.

Trade Update

Pendergraph was traded to Portland for Sergio Rodriguez and the 38th pick. Good for them.

32. Washington Wizards: Jermaine Taylor, UCF. Ah, hell.

33. Portland Trailblazers: Dante Cunningham, Villanova That's a pretty full roster.

Yes, Stuart, we remember Darko. Not a lot of draft newbies sticking around for the second round.

Looks like the Wizards are going to trade that pick after all. I had a feeling they weren't going to add another guard. I can't believe they passed on Blair. Carl Landry better be involved in this trade.

34. Denver Nuggets: Sergio Llull, Spain. Apparently ESPN was at commercial.

35. Detroit Pistons: DaJuan Summers, Georgetown. The former Baltimore high school player of the year and Georgetown Hoya has a ton of skill, but he disappeared in a lot of big moments this past season.

36. Memphis Grizzles: Sam Young, Pitt Great pick, he'll help them immediately in a variety of ways. Great fundamentals, leaping ability, and an underrated outside shot. And yes, the pump fake.

37. San Antonio Spurs: DeJuan Blair, Pitt It's about fucking time, NBA. Of course the Spurs snatched him up. He's going to eat people alive, with or without some crappy ligaments. With Jefferson, Blair, and Mason I might start enjoying Spurs games. Plus Bowen is gone, so that helps.

38. Portland Trailblazers: John Brockman, Washington He's heading for Sacramento, because I'm pretty sure Portland has enough forwards.

The Wizards sold the pick for $2.5 million. That better be redistributed in the form of free beer for season ticket holders. So Houston know owns the rights to Jermaine Taylor. The scoring guard, not the super middleweight. Ernie Grunfeld says there's more news to come tomorrow.

Wow, Ricky Rubio sounds PUMPED to be in Minnesota!

Recent Picks

39. Detroit Pistons: Jonas Jerebko, Sweeden. Love the Swedes. Good people.
40. Charlotte Bobcats: Derrick Brown, Xavier. I'm surprised he lasted this long, he's solid.
41. Milwaukee Bucks: Jodie Meeks, Kentucky. Chucker.
42. Los Angeles Lakers: Patrick Beverley, Chicago via Ukraine. He's 20 and Fran seems to like him. My recollections are fairly vague.

The remaining fans at the draft are taking full advantage of the quiet atmosphere by yelling their own amusing answers to interview questions.

43. Miami Heat: Marcus Thornton, LSU Great pick for the Heat. He was one of the most underrated players in the country last year. He'll fit into their rotation nicely.

More Dickie V. Where did I leave that gravity bong?

Ah crap, I hate it when I agree with everything he says.

Okay Silver, stop saying "convey" every damn time.

44. Detroit Pistons: Chase Budinger Similar to what i said about Summers above. He has first round skill, but he spends way too much time standing still and waiting to shoot.

45. Minnesota Timberwolves: Nick Calathes, Florida. I get credit for predicting that the last time they picked. He could stick around and try to compete for time with Flynn and Rubio, or he could go play in Greece for a while.

46. Cleveland Cavaliers: Danny Green, UNC. The final Tar Heel is off the board. It's nice addition for the superheroes.

47. Minnesota Timberwolves: Henk Norel, Netherlands Ricky Rubio's teammate, and the third member of the same Spanish club's organization to be drafted tonight.

48. Phoenix Suns: Taylor Griffin, Oklahoma They can't do that, the Globetrotters called dibs! Apparently the Suns have a thing for crappy younger brothers.

49. Atlanta Hawks: Sergiy Gladyr, Ukraine. And this is where I begin to fade.

50. Utah Jazz: Goran Suton, Michigan State. It'd totally forgotten about him. He could be a useful bench player, but he probably won't see much time.

Stuart Scott just implied that Oleksiy Pecherov is an NBA player. That's adorable.

51. San Antonio Spurs: Jack McClinton, Miami Oh Spurs, you've won me over. He's a great shooter, and it will be on display all year long in the NBDL.

Trade Update

So maybe Thornton won't fit into that Miami rotation. Instead he's been shipped to New Orleans for two future second round picks.

52. Indiana Pacers: AJ Price, UConn At this point in the draft it's worth a shot. If the knee is okay he should be able to make an NBA roster.

53. San Antonio: Nando De Colo, France. I'm not familiar with him, so I'll give the Spurs the benefit of the doubt.

54. Charlotte Bobcats: Robert Vaden, UAB. They need scoring more than anything else, and they're going after it.

Trade Update

Chase Budinger to the Rockets for a future pick and cash. The Rockets are certainly opening their wallets tonight.

55. Portland Trailblazers: Patrick Mills, St. Mary's. Although I'm sure Patty's happy to be drafted, Portland probably isn't the ideal spot. He'll come in pretty low on that depth chart.

A smattering applause for a JCC reference.

56. Dallas Mavericks: Ahmad Nivins, St. Joe's. A double-double machine from the A10.

57. Phoenix Suns: Emir Preldzic, Serbia Bring on Fran! Verdict: Leave in Europe. Good to know.

So it's all Steve Nash's fault...

58. Boston Celtics: Lester Hudson, Tennessee-Martin

Trade Update

Beverley is CONVEYED to the Heat for a future pick.

Trade Update

Vaden was "traded" to the Thunder for cash.

59. Los Angeles Lakers: Chinemelu Elonu, Texas A&M.

60. Miami Heat: Robert Dozier, Memphis. NBDL. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

And that's going to do it for me tonight. Like Mark Jackson, I am fulfilled. Although I still can't believe the Wizards passed on Blair. I'll shut up about that one day, I'm sure. Thanks for stopping by.

MVP of the Draft: Brandon Jennings.

To truly flourish Jennings will need to be surrounded by some more dynamic offensive weapons. But hey, he can always pass to Salim. Automatic.

That's it for the live posting. I'll be back to kick off the live blog and recap the last few picks at the top of the hour.

Okay, I'm way behind now, but we're almost done with this live posting.

Hill is still raw offensively, relying on his athleticism and offensive rebounding to account for much of his scoring output. It works for Dwight Howard, but he's kind of a freak. Regardless, Hill should prove to be a capable rebounder and post defender with a pretty high ceiling.

Dick joke.

Getty Image via Yahoo!

For Nelly that's another little with a penchant for shooting. Monta Ellis probably isn't very happy. He should probably take the moped for a spin to blow off some steam.

Getty Image via Yahoo!

I'm assuming for now that they keep both guys, especially considering the amount of time it's going to take Rubio to acclimate to the NBA. Flynn is ready to tear shit up, and he's plenty strong to hang with opposing point guards. By the way, as of now Etan Thomas is the de facto starting center in Minnesota. Awesome.

And Jay Bilas steps up with his first backhanded compliment of the evening, saying that Rubio, "looks like a tennis player." That's his pleasant way of saying he's going to get his ass kicked on a regular basis. We're told his jump shot needs work. If he can display an adequate mid-range game he should be fine.

Getty Image via Yahoo!

Evans already attacks the rim like a pro, and he's already built like a beast. He may not be Dwayne Wade, but there are certainly some similarities on the offensive end. Down the road I think he could be the best player out of this draft, meaning that he will probably have a similar career arc to Shawn Respert.

Image via UndrCrwn

Ah crap, I'm already falling behind. I didn't see this one coming, I was banking on Tyreke Evans here. Regardless Harden isn't that much of a surprise. He doesn't get a lot of love, and a lot of that had to do with the way he played in March. Needless to say, he is much better than he showed when the nation was watching.

I need a new beer.

The Grizzlies Draft Cam shows us that the Grizzles approve of their pick. Keep innovating, ESPN.

Thabeet is the smart pick for Memphis. While I may not be his biggest fan he's going to give that woeful team an important piece to build around. The shot blocking will carry over to the next level, but the real key will be his ability to rebound against other true centers.

Getty Image via Yahoo!

Now that the obvious pick is out of the way we can get to the interesting stuff. Where will Ricky Rubio land? Will Amar'e be traded? Who will be the last man sitting in the green room? How many euphemisms for "long" can the ESPN analysts craft between them? When will Stuart Scott make me regret doing this? How many times will Jay Bilas deride Rubio and Brandon Jennings? As for my guesses: Sacramento, Yes, Beaker, eleventy, 10 minutes ago, and way too many.

Please follow along throughout the night as I guide you through the majestic evening that is the NBA Draft. Before we move forward here are a few things you should know about me and the biases I bring to the table...

• I am an unabashed fan of the Washington Wizards, and a regular attendee at the Verizon Center as AJ thoughtfully displayed below. I really wanted them to draft Tyreke Evans, but I'm cool with the trade. Speaking of Les Boulez, the Wizznutzz are live-tweeting from the Mothering Hut, so go ahead and follow them.
• I attended the University of Pittsburgh and I'm rather passionate about their basketball program.
• I think Hasheem Thabeet is a pussy (see above).
• I also attended the University of Arizona (sort of) and I remain adamant that Salim Stoudamire is not only the best shooter on the planet, but a damn fine neighbor to boot. That being said, you won't hear me hyping up Chase Budinger at any point this evening.

I'll be live posting through the first 10 selections before we transition into a more traditional live blog format until I pass out.

Getty Image via Yahoo!

7:30 — Evander Hood. DT. Steelers. I've run out of name puns.

Which is fortunate, because this live blog is fini.

7:27 — Wha? What's going on? Oh, it appears a puddle of drool formed on its own. It appears Chris "Beaneater" Wells is now playing for the Arizona Cardinals.

7:18 — Wideouts! Get your wideouts! Kenny Britt goes to the Titans, because he sounds like a guy that Nashville would love and put on a morning radio show.

7:09 — It's the Giant's turn. Hakeem Nicks will be their guy to forget about Plaxico Burress. AND THIS PLACE IS BUMPIN'! Especially that huge painted up Giants fan in the front row. Tom Coughlin's face is red with excitement. Or anger. Or perhaps marinara sauce.

7:04 — The Bills get clockin'. They go with ... Eric Wood. But then again, he wouldn't.

7:01 — Now the Colts get to select someone. Donald Brown. Donald Brown. He's a clown. Donald Brown.

6:59 — And now for a brief timeout on the podium, to take some time to thank the men and women in the armed forces. Touching, if not completely random. BACK TO THE BIG BOARD.

6:55 — Another trade and pick and zzzzzzzz....

6:48 — Cornerback Vontae Davis gets taken by the Dolphins, giving them someone with opposable thumbs.

6:46 — As the NFLN comes back from commercial, they pan into the guys at the table, but you can also see the ESPN table off to the side. I wonder if, between picks, John Gruden and Keyshawn Johnson make lewd faces at each other, or at the very least, do the head squishing thing.

6:42 — The Falcons select Ole Miss defensive tackle Peria Jerry with the 24th pick, which means we've reached the point in the draft in which the casual fan affirms that he knows shit about college football anymore. All anyone wants to know from here on out:

• Quarterbacks selected
• Running backs selected
• The first kicker selected
• Players from "their" school selected
• If there's anything else on TV
• No there is nothing else on TV
• And how long of a nap is too long

6:40 — Michael Oher, standing on the podium with his family: "you mean I'm gonna stay this color?"

6:36 — The Ravens pick Michael Oher. Great pick. With our next ... oh, wait, that's right, we invited Oher to this whole thing. [sigh] All right, bring him out h... MICHAEL! Congratulations! You have a bright future in this league! Here, hold this. Smile. Now pretend I'm your offensive coordinator and MOVE MOVE MOVE THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

6:35 — The Patriots select ... someone else's draft pick. There have been enough anticlimactic trades in this first round to fill an entire key party.

6:29 — The Vikings select wide receiver Percy Harvin. Expect him to be the starting quarterback next year.

6:27 — Wait, a football player? What the fuck are the Browns going to do with that?

6:22 — Fantastic banter leading to commercial on NFLN. "I love what they're doing." "Who?" [ad]

6:20 — The Lions' second first-round pick is ... Matthew Stafford, quarterback, Georgia. Great need pick. It's quite daring to draft someone twice, but I admire the courage and innovation. I'd have gone with tight end Brandon Pettigrew myself, but that's why I'm sitting here.

6:19 — Eisen asks Goodell about tweeting. "Someone explain this to me." YOU WERE JUST DOING IT.

6:13 — Donovan McNabb gets someone to throw to! That should be open and stjuff! The Eagles trade for the Browns' 19th pick and take Jeremy Maclin. What is this fancy theory Philly's trying to pull off? Wide receivers? That'll never work.

6:11 — You know, I'm about to believe nobody from the Browns is actually in the building.

6:07 — I'm concerned that the Broncos are palling around with Robert Ayers. Josh McDaniels is a terrorist.

6:06 — Also how many people did they invite to the NFL Draft? The green room turned into a goddamn clown car.

6:05 — God, these NFL prospects are just like us. They are always on their cell phones and watching TV. There is a disparity of empty pizza boxes, however. (Also, they're talking to girls.)

6:01 — The Bucs claim one fourth of a back in Josh Freeman I'm going to defer to my Blogcritics colleague Jay Skipworth on this pick (who, ahem, is doing what I'm doing right now. Read both.) He's not impressed with Freeman, noting the number of balls he bounces in front of his receivers. "He's got a curveball better than Doug Drabek." He's scheduled to pitch next Thursday for the Rays.

6:00 — Tampa's gonna pick someone. Hey Gruden, who are you going to ... I mean, wait, what are you doing up here with the NFL Network anchors? You ... you got FIRED!? Oh man, I am so sorry, we had no idea.

5:57 — KEEP TRADING DOWN! The Browns, with the pick they got from the Jets, trade it again, this time to Tampa Bay. At this rate, the Browns will hoard all the picks for the 2012 NFL Draft. A shrewd move by Mark Mangini.

5:55 — The Browns biological clock is also ticking. It's probably best for no young male to get involved with them right now.

5:52 — MID. AMERICAN. CONFERENCE. Larry English will fill the "NIU alum" void on the Chargers created when Michael Turner left for Atlanta. I just wish I'd heard of him before today.

5:46 — The Houston Texans are able to look past things like ponytails in order to draft linebacker Brian Cushing.

5:41 — The Saints will opt for cornerback Malcolm Jenkins. He's a proven performer. The Saints should do quite well in World of Warcraft raids next season.

5:34 — The Redskins draft Brian Orakpo, a defensive end. I'm sure Redskins fans are livid about this pick, because that's just how they're programmed to feel.

5:32 — Reeling from his loss in the Name of the Year tournament, Knowshon Moreno becomes the latest running back for the Denver Broncos. Tremendous value pick. Moreno has his own space shuttle.

5:28 — The Bills quickly get to business and take defensive end Aaron Maybin. Great need pick. Terrell Owens needed someone to blame when the team starts 2-5.

5:26 — Crabtree: "I can't wait to learn anything from anybody." I believe that's called the Wikipedia Methodology of Football Tutelage.

5:25 — How's the ESPN coverage? Did Berman get through the entire Eagles discography yet?

5:22 — There we have it. Michael Crabtree gets swiped up by the 49ers at the No. 10 selection. Now it's time to vacuum the green room and clear the tables, because the national Apples to Apples championship will be taking place there.

5:15 — The Packers make their pick. Whoa, the dude from Johnny Quest? Did they really need someone with a turban? Sounds like a value pick. Oh ... B.J. Raji. Looks like my TV needs some tuning.

5:14 — I tell ya, when sports executives write on Twitter they sound like absolute retards:

eugene says it's unreal. just unreal

Ain't that the truth.

5:11 — Eugene Monroe lined his socks with bacon. I immediately like his pro potential.

5:09 — Three minutes later, Eugene Monroe finally goes up to the stage. Here's what happened between the announcement and him taking the stage:

5:07 — The Jag-yoo-ars call dibs on O-tackle Eugene Monroe. Good "need" pick, as they say in the draftology business. They needed someone to give Maurice Jones-Drew piggyback rides during practice.

5:01 — NFL Network coverage is extremely more tolerable. The normally brain-exploding Deion Sanders seems reserved as the field reporter. Rich Eisen has aged well. If I were a batshit insane news anchor, I'd totally want to do him.

4:57 — The Raiders can plant their Crabtree! But no, they'll instead go with ... um, Darrius Heyward-Bey. This couldn't have worked out better for Heyward-Bey. This also couldn't have worked out better for Michael Crabtree, who doesn't have to play in Oakland.

4:51 — The Bengals take ... Jigglystuff! Carson Palmer no longer has to block for himself by throwing the ball into the blitzer's crotch.

Second Half

12:09 — [wipes tear from eye] There's just something about One Shining Moment that draws all the remaining cynicism from my lower intestine and converts it into dreams and rainbows for babies with AIDS. Despite the horrible game, I am at peace. No worries, though. I will continue to seek out petty annoyances, build them up internally, and let them flush out in the form of Deadspin's next live blog. Until then, comrades, please tell Sandy I said "WHEEEEEEEEEE!"

12:05 — Awkwardest music transition in sports broadcasting history: peppy basketball band music to Masters coverage piano melody. And now ... SHINE ON.

12:00 — IT'S MIDNIGHT AND I DON'T HAVE A SHINY SHINY MONTAGE YET.

11:58 — I'll give North Carolina this. With all those walrus-vomit-colored championship t-shirts that have come out over the years, it was nice of them to simplify with a blue "1" and an NC shield-looking thing.

11:51 — Oh, you think I'm done, bitches? We still have a fuckin' tear-jerking montage to sit through!

11:50 — Gleh. The important thing is that unemployment has ABSOLUTELY NO CORRELATION to basketball. (Exception: Billy Gillispie)

11:48 — I think I just saw Hansbrough's Elated Face. I will now be flaccid for the next 72 hours.

11:46 — GO CRAZY, SANDY! GO CRAZY!

72 89

11:45 — UNC calls a timeout to sub in the "fan favorites" for the "actual fan favorites, you know, the ones that scored all the points this season."

11:43 — I don't know what I did to deserve the presence of Idong Ibok on the court, but there he is.

11:37 — No, Jim Nantz, this was not their chance to revitalize the Michiganian economy. Have you seen Raymar Morgan's plan to create new jobs? "Just have everyone put on a mask like mine?" How is that a viable solution?

11:35 — The camera pans to the UNC bench. Look at them. Ha! Know what they all have in common? That's right, they're all ... immune to sickle cell anemia.

11:33 — It's not that people are outraged over spending 50 cents without getting a bun. It's that, without bread, people can actually taste how terrible a hot dog really is.

11:31 — I think Mr. Kellogg said something about Michigan State having to cut the lead to 10 points by this time. It's now 15 with the Heelies possessing the ball. Goodnight, Mid-Michigan!

65 80

11:28 — I will say this. MSU has not relented in drawing contact and shooting free throws. That's what's kept this game from being, well, over. If it was over, I'd be asleep by now. This is the cross Big Ten basketball has to bear.

11:24 — Stay tuned for an all new NCIS in which, just like this game, they nail the criminal 10 minutes in and then you get to watch 50 minutes of lawyers doing paperwork.

11:21 — And Gutsbrough moves up the all-time NCAA tournament career scoring list. Not sure where they keep that list. Probably in a safe place.

11:21 — Suton's elbows. Baby pandas eating your babies. DO NOT PROSECUTE THEM.

11:19 — With seven-and-a-half minutes left, I see no better time to start automatically fouling. That way foulouts will force Idong into the game.

11:16 — Look, a Vince Carter sighting! Wave to him, Canada!

11:13 — Oh, the quietly developing battle, beyond American Cars v. Foreign Cars and Apple vs. PC is Every Freaking Investing Company vs. Every Other One. Too bad TD Ameritrade got first pick in the playground draft. Sam Waterston just sweats integrity. He makes me want to talk to Chuck, but only to say "Up yours, carpetbagger!"

53 72

11:11 — "Maybe if they can make a couple of threes..." A gaudy qualifier, Clark Kellogg.

11:10 — It's free throws the rest of the way for MSU. That is the other bright spot. Just like the sunroof in the new Ford Focus. Ford: They're Cars™.

11:08 — Boy, the Spartan faithful sure remain vibrant in this game. Though, in all fairness, there is nowhere else to go that doesn't end in a good ol' shivving.

11:05 — Goran Suton's elbows are apparently considered federally protected baby pandas.

11:00 — As we go to break, perhaps Sparty can hem the shorts of all the UNC players in the huddle, resulting in 12 technical fouls and 24 free throws.

46 65

11:00 — Oh, never mind.

10:59 — THEY'VE CUT IT TO 16! HELEN WOULD LIKE A RASPBERRY DAIQUIRI!

10:56 — Eyelids. That's the problem. Tyler Hansbrough lacks eyelids! Will any lovelorn and/or goth girls donate theirs for a transplant?

10:53 — This seems like as good a time as any to put in Idong Ibok. I have some jokes in my Bindle of Wit ripe and ready for it.

10:51 — If you're just joining us, it's a VERY CLOSE GAME AND YOU SHOULD STAY PUT. Any scores you see on the TV and/or Internet are merely typographical errors and will be fixed at the end of the game.

41 61

10:50 — Oh, c'mon. Lawson bogarts his eighth pass in wild, unpredictable fashion. Well, nine, if you count Sandy's heart.

10:46 — So here's a fun* experiment. Try and guess at what point in time UNC will have scored as many points as State will the entire game. I'm saying "12:14" and "66" points.

* - Okay, YOU think of something better to do. Wait, no, DON'T LEAVE ME.

10:45 — And we're back to game action, however that's defined today.

10:41 — Wouldn't hurt just to have Bird and Magic play one-on-one for 20 minutes. Wait, who am I kidding? I'll just play Magic Johnson's Fast Break.

What To Look For In The Second Half

Will Sandy find true love? Will Helen get her feet rubbed? And featuring special guest star, Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Halftime

Now's the time to potty, smoke, stretch, scratch, and measure the distance between East Lansing and your place of residence, so as to calculate how long you have until the blaze reaches you and everything you live. Then enjoy our halftime edu-tainment.

First Half

34 55

10:21 — A quick game of NCAA Indoor Tennis breaks out, and ... that's the half. As much as I love the company ... holy shit, save yourselves. I'll letcha know if this bastard becomes interesting. I mean ... KEEP WATCHING HIT F5

10:20 — It's a three on zero! And ... oh, nobody picks up Ellsworth. SANDY NEEDS A LOZENGE!

10:16 — The State defense forces a timeout as Ty Lawson falls victim to the "Moe Howard" stance.

10:14 — The Mentalist is on Tuesday night, it seems. See, if you read Deadspin comments, this is new information for you.

10:14 — Well, look at this. A coupla stops in a row, and the lead's down to 18.

10:12 — Y'know, maybe Michigan State needs their own loud cheering lady. Perhaps that's what'll spur a comeback. We'll give them "Helen." You can't hear her, but just pretend.

10:09 — And with that timeout, here's to seeing if we can get the font right this time.

25 48

10:07 — SANDY CANNOT CONTAIN HERSELF! (Seriously. It's like they don't know she's there.)

10:05 — A pass slips through MSU's fingers. So much for the Canola Oil timeout gambit.

10:04 — Re: big font. Look, occasionally I'm just trying to cater to Deadspin often-overlooked nonagenarian demographic.

10:02 — Oh, sure, the ONE TIME Sandy is mum.

10:00 — Just the kind of news Lansing needed! Raymar Morgan, the one with the mask, goes down for the count. Clap hard, Lansing! Clap as hard as you can to bring him back to life!

18 38

9:56 — I can't help but think that all these offensive rebounds are the difference in this game. As opposed to all those offensive rebounds my college girlfriend slept with.

9:54 — A goaltending call on Heartsbrough, keeping the lead at a svelte 20 points, pushes the momentum in the Spartans favor, the way that Wile E. Coyote's umbrella pushed away those boulders.

9:53 — Gak. 23-point lead. 29 minutes left. How about I switch over to the A's-Angels game at halftime?

9:49 — Sure was nice of Radford to fill in for those first 10 minutes while Michigan State ran out and satisfied their Qdoba jones. Now, how about a good game here? Sandy's seat is becoming moister by the minute.

9:47 — [Fixes font. You saw nothing.]

11 24

9:42 — Phew. After all that flotsamming and jetsomming, the Heels still retain a double-digit lead over the Honda lawnmower.

9:40 — Chris Allen will now try those "free throws" all the kids are doing. His major: Computer Engineering. NERD! He makes 1 of 2. score++; //never forget the semicolon

9:39 — Danny Green picked up back-to-back fouls, which is the silver lining in Michigan State's game. Just like the new silver trim on the sporty new Chevy Silverado. American Cars for American-Looking Folks™.

9:38 — The lead is already 15 points. Probably wasn't a wise move to start Zach Miner for this game.

9:36 — This is unreal. After a UNC basket, Ty Lawson rapes and/or pillages the inbounds pass, and eventually the possession leads to more points. Sandy approves.

9:34 — That screaming lady catching the telecast microphone? For simplicity's sake, I'm going to call her Sandy.

9:32 — Meanwhile, GM takes the lead with the "rally cap" hat commercial. Remember, wear your hats inside out and not backwards, because that's what Detroit gangs are prone to do.

7 17

9:31 — State's rushing their shots, but the Heels are rushing them better, it seems. It's getting uglier than a Hansbrough O-face.

9:29 — It wouldn't hurt CBS at all if they lowered the volume of everything else but the announcers and that screaming woman in the 14th row.

9:28 — Fouling Tyler Hansbrough carries a $25 fine in Chapel Hill. UNC's props their lead up to five points.

9:26 — 3-point tradesies. "Dibs," "not it" and "back cuts" are still up for grabs. 5-3 Heels.

9:25 — And the Heels break the scoreboard cherry 14 seconds in. Not sure if that's legal in Michigan.

9:24 — And there's the tip ... oh, jump ball. Still tied, then.

Telecast

9:18 — OH NO TWITTER IS DOWN WHO DO MY FAVORITE CELEBRITIES HAVE WINNING THIS GAME?

9:14 — Please don't mention "destiny" as a factor in the game. Makes it sound so ... final. Why even try boxing out?

Pre-Game Babble

They just had to schedule this the same night as Opening Day, didn't they? Judging by the Tigers-Jays score, maybe that was a wise move.

Anyways, let's get right down to the action. Here's the analysis you won't get anywhere else. Everyone thinks Chevrolet is going to walk away with the victory tonight, but I don't know. Those Ford guys are really scrappy. Especially their used cars. Yes, everyone is going to point to the rout last December in car sales, but it's a very different ballgame today. It will be closer than this double-digit profit margin everyone's talking about, but I still think Chevrolet, with the combination of Howie Long and that terribly irritating little red-headed girl, will pull out the victory tonight.

I'm live blogging a two-hour car commercial, right? I mean, I assumed that's why it's in Detroit. And for what it's worth, I had my bracket all wrong. I had Chrysler, Honda, Saturn, and Rickshaw, Inc. as my Cinderella team.

By the way, in my haphazard Mateen Cleaves research, I discovered that he's still trying, God bless him. Tell Khalid El-Amin he still has my Vertical Horizon poster.

(stumbles in)

Hey, Deadspin people. Sussman was kind enough to whore for my site already so I'll refrain from linking to my side project for the rest of the evening. Actually that's a total lie, expect many more references to my other projects on the interwebs because I need the page views to feel important. I'm with you throughout the first half and I promise that this will only be slightly less awkward than Cramer on The Daily Show.

I am a "licensed" commenter at this fine corner of the Internet, although I don't weigh in too often. I probably should start doing that, though, if for no other reason to alleviate a serious amount of stress on the servers of porn websites across the United States. So since you may not see me around these parts as often as some people, what is there to know about me? Well, I'm in college, I run a baseball blog as well as a contributor to another fine site that has been represented in these live blogs already yesterday and today. By my count, the whoring total is up to three and the game hasn't even started!

I'm going to take a page out of friend Shakey's book and answer any and all questions you might have for me during the course of this game. Ask away, folks, and believe me when I say that there are no limits because this night can only be a success if my lawyer is totally exasperated with me by tomorrow morning.

As Sussman also mentioned, I'm only with you for the first half of tonight's action so that Chilltown could get in on the fiasco as well. You'll be made well aware when the switch is made, most likely by my incoherent sobbing. We've got limited time, but I'll try to be fun. As a wise man once said, "Let's let these ponies roam." I'll be updating from the top down. All times are Eastern. Get some!

*************************
9:38 - Tip time is at 9:51, so get those brack, oh wait.

9:51 - Just the tip, Vikings win it.

9:52 - Vikes open with a 3 right off the bat, Wake turnover and then a TRAVELING CALL on the Vikes? Can that be right? They do that? Oh right, it's not Duke...zing!

9:55 - Cleveland buries 2 threes, and it's already 9-0. Upset alert!

9:56 - Jeff Teague gets rejected hard by some dude from the "Horizon Conference." If you can name 4 other teams in the Horizon Conference without cheating, you have no life.

10:00 - First TV timeout, it's 14-4 in favor of the team that shouldn't be winning. In other news, Howie Long still makes me want to buy fewer cars.

10:03 - Our nameless commentators are bringing a lot of enthusiasm. "Drives to the bucket. Doesn't get it." Read that as if you were giving a eulogy and you've got it down.

10:07 - Fun fact about Wake Forest big man Chas McFarland, yes his parents are huge tools for spelling his name that way. According to his biography, he is from Illinois. Leitch-gasm! He also said he chose Wake Forest because he liked the Winston-Salem area. You tell me when that doesn't sound like utter horseshit.

10:12 - Question from the irascible Pini3llasPinata: We've all heard Posada pisses on his hands. When you're giving him his daily rimjob, does he also piss on you, a la R. Kelly? .

He sadly won't return my phone calls, I've never had the privilege. Wake still losing as we go into a commercial break on a goaltending call. This might not be the best game of the night, but goddamnit, we will have the sloppiest.

10:16 - Our announcers are showing their genius, Wake Forest's Ishmael Smith's nickname is "Ish." Oh you slay me, as some guy with a name I can't spell buries ANOTHER three. It's now 27-12. Wake can get nothing going on offense. They also said the Vikings are "sailing" as we go to a commercial. Let The Lonely Island jokes commence!

10:20 - COMMERCIAL GAITY: Showing erectile dysfunction medication commercials during a college game... Logical disconnect much?

10:22- Question from Samer Ocho Cinco: Samer Ocho Cinco: great blogger or the greatest blogger?

If you want an ego boost, go hire a hooker.

10:23 - "Cleveland State is making a STATEment!" CBS announcers got puns, yo. How was this not on the Bingo? By the way, you could easily have Bingo right now.

10:28 - Wake Forest senior Harvey Hale has checked in. This may be a white flag. 37-23, Vikes, as Johnson on Wake buries a three.

10:31 - COMMERCIAL UPDATE: Buy Resident Evil 5. Slogan:" Release your inner KKK and kill some black guys... but they're zombies so it's not racist!"

10:35 - Pun total: 3. Add a "Cleveland Rocks!" and a "Cedric the Entertainer" reference. Be still my beating heart. Wake cuts it to 11 as Cleveland State calls a timeout to remind themselves that they really are beating a 4 seed handily.

10:40 - We're under a minute. Announcers are commenting about the pursuit of loose balls by seniors. Eh, you can fill the joke out yourself. Big three from Johnson to cut it to 39-30 to end the half. It ends with a wild heave.

10:45 - Alright folks, I'm out for the evening. Time to go support my team. I go to the losing school, in case you didn't realize. Thanks for having me and check me out at my other site if you feel like being particularly masochistic one day. Let's do this again sometime. Don't call me, I'll call you. This ship is now in the hands of Chilltown. Do try to contain your celebrations, I have such delicate sensibilities.

10:48- What's up, fellow Spinners? This is Co-pilot Chilltown stepping to the controls. Hopefully this flight ends better than those piloted by Frank Lapidus. The story of the first half? Wake's awful defense. J'Nathan Bullock has been living up to his last name, backing down his smaller guard defenders and scoring at will for Cleveland State. Apparently word has not yet reached Dino Gaudio of the new innovation of double teams.

10:51- Interestingly, two of the worst three-point shooting teams in the country (252nd and 276th, respectively) have combined to shoot very well from behind the arc. In fact, Wake's three-point shooting helped them cut the Viking lead to single digits.

10:57- The other story of the first half? The awful announcing (no pun intended). The internet tells me (since they sure didn't) that its Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel. Boy have they sucked.

11:00- COMMERCIAL UPDATE: What I really want out of my deoderant is a smell that will send me in a shopping cart onto the freeway. Congratulations, Degree, you win my business!

11:07- The second half begins the same way as the first, Wake Turnover (number 11), J'Nathan Bullock beating a Deacon defender down low.

11:10- For a Wake team that relies on transition buckets, the 17-0 points off of turnovers stat tells the story behind the 47-39 deficit. And to answer Sex Fabregas, its a combination of terrible defending, poor managing, a rotating door of forwards, and transitioning into a new team. Its very frustrating, but unsurprising. Hey, maybe we win the UEFA Cup.

11:15- James Johnson single-handedly keeping Wake in this game, but Wake turns it over yet again. 49-42 Vikes.

11:19- A block on the 3-point line gets a "that just happened!" from the announcers. The only thing more hackneyed? Boom goes the dynamite. Expect that soon. 53-44 Cleveland St. Spanarkel's new nickname for Cedric Jackson? "Action Jackson". I know its the 4th game of the day guys, but come on.

11:26- Wake switches to 1-3-1 zone, announcers switch to yelling. Both are ineffective. 60-51 Vikings.

11:30- Not a good time for Wake to go cold from three (or, as it should be called, revert to expected average).

11:33- Another Wake turnover. 15 point lead for Cleveland State. This is reminiscent of Siena Vandy last year.

11:37- Wake finally gets its first points off of turnovers with 6 minutes left in the game. Too little too late? Looks that way.

11:40- Go watch the end of Ohio St-Siena. I'll still be here. J'Nathan Bullock gets the and-1 to go up 14 under 5 minutes left.

11:45- Cleveland St. hits the under-4 timeout up 15. Chilltown writes game over in notebook, then slaps himself for using TMQ gimmick

11:49- Cleveland St is not folding, and is in fact extending their lead out to 17. Cedric Jackson and J'Nathan Bullock have simply outworked a sloppy and disinterested Wake Forest team tonight. Looks like at least 1 double-digit seed (Arizona or Cleveland St) will make the Sweet 16.

11:53- NOW Teague decides to drive at will. This makes no sense at all.

11:57- Wake has decided to draw this game out by fouling from 3 minutes left. Hint: its not working. Vikings up 16. Screw you Dino Gaudio, I want to watch other games! Aw, screw it, I'm doing it anyways.

12:01- And Cleveland St. takes it, 84-69! It wasn't even that close. Wake was that flat, and the Vikes played that well. Thanks a lot for having me and Joba tonight. Enjoy the other overtime games. Chilltown, out.

Pre-game: This is the last of the always exciting 5 vs. 12 seed games which have become the perennial upset game. The 5 seeds are 1-2 so far, so another upset is possible. The stat is that at least one 12 seed has one in 9 straight years.

Florida St. went into the ACC Tournament seeded 4th and pulled off an upset of top seeded North Carolina to advance to the finals, where Duke topped them by 10. Senior guard Toney Douglas was named to the all tourney 1st team and freshman center Solomon Alabi was named to the 2nd team. Florida St. finished 4th in the ACC (25-9, 10-6).

Wisconsin also go the 4th seed in their conference tournament but were beaten in their first game by 5th seeded Ohio St. They are coached by Bo Ryan, who is in his 8th year as head coach in Madison. Ryan has been to the tournament every year at Wisconsin, winning at least one game in all but one of those trips.

Ryan may be the difference in this one. These teams are separated by 30 spots in ESPN's RPI so the 5 and 12 seeds don't seem that far fetched. But Ryan is a good coach and will have his guys prepared to play.

More Pregame: So I don't yet know if we are rolling with Comcast or CBSSports.com for this game. Not sure what they are going to show in Chicago. Looks like we will get the Badgers.

Winner plays Xavier on Sunday. The requisite 3 white guys for Wisconsin in the starting lineup. I have been informed that no #12 won in 2007. Not sure if that is true.

Craig Bolderjack and Wenzel are doing this game. Yea I have no fucking idea either.

Final - 61-59 is the final. Madison is going to be rocking tonight. Fish Bowls at Wando's!!!! Great 2nd half by the Badgers. Good coaching gets you far, almost remember that when filling out your bracket. See you all in the next round.

0:00 - Baseball pass not completed! Badgers win! Wow! Ended with being an exciting game. And the Big 10 win again. Thanks for joining us!

0:02 - BTW, we all know Douglas is taking the last shot, right?

0:02 - Trevon Hughes gets the call. Drives the lane and makes a sweet shot after a spin move AND ONE!!!!! Badgers get the free throw, up 61-59. Timeout Noles!!

0:07 - Douglas bricks a dagger 3. Badgers get the rebound and break the other way, Bohannon jacks up a 3 but Bo called a timeout. The shot went in too!!! Ouch. Badgers are down one with the ball. I like their chances. It could go to anyone on this play.

0:47 - Great back door pass and a quick layup. That was a set play out of the timeout. FSU will run it down.

1:02 - FSU finally wises up and gives the ball to Douglas. He buries the 3. He has a game high 26. Badgers take a timeout. It will be interesting to see what the do here. They aren't a go to the hoop kind of team so I expect them to go for a three.

1:20 - FSU travels. The Badgers slow it down. Miss the shot as shot clock winds down. Still tied.

2:30 - Another FSU foul. Some awful free throw shooting by Wisconsin. One trickles in. Tied again.

2:53 - FSU gets down in the low block and scores to take the lead by 1.

3:29 - Siena and tOSU just went to OT #2. The Big Ten is going crazy!!!! Is anyone still awake for these games? FSU gets the basket to cut it to one. Badgers airball a jumper. 44-54 Badgers.

4:19 - Bohannon with a quick 3 to start OT. FSU is still going with three guards and Wenzel let's us know for the 100th time tonight. FSU foul. Badgers up 2 and shooting free throws.

End of Regulation

0:00 - Jordan Taylor misses the jumper with 2 to go and we head to OT!!!!! I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

0:17 - Douglas made both free throws. Tied at 52!!!!!!!! Badgers take a time out and will hold for the last shot.

0:36 -Badgers are 7 of 13 in the 2nd half from downtown. That is how you do it I guess. Douglas gets fouled going to the hoop. Free throw time.

0:45 - Bohannon for 3 with 1 on the shot clock!!! He was way outside, I don't know how he go that off. Badgers 52, Noles 50. TO for the Noles. The white guys have come to play!

1:29 - Kitchen left his feet and tried to call a timeout as he was going out of bounds. They call him for traveling. Wenzel says this was the right call by "new" rules. Whatver. Nonsense. Badger ball, down 1.

1:54 - The Badgers hit another 3, their 7th of the night. Noles answer with a bucket. 50-49 FSU.

2:51 - Douglas draws the foul and hits two free throws. Wisconsin subs white guy for white guy.

3:12 -Wenzel just said "if you like defense, you will like this game." Apparently he equates crappy shooting with good defense. Hughes responds with a trey. Tied at 46. We got ourselves a game.

3:48 - MMOD is getting crappy. So much buffering. WTF? How many people could be watching this shitty game right now. I just lowered the quality. Let's see if it helps. Hughes finally hits a free throw. Two actually. 46-43 'Noles.

3:49 - Under 4 timeout. FSU is up 46-41. 100 is no longer looking like a lock. Sienna is at the line for the go ahead with 8 seconds left.

4:38 - Chris Singleton just hit a jumper for FSU. First points by anyone since 8:28!! 4 minutes!!! What a crapfest.

5:00 - There is a guy on FSU named Uche Echefu. It's like I just banged on random keys but that is actually his name. Trevon Hughes misses two free throw. Still 44-39.

5:43 - Timeout FSU. Badgers look tired. Douglas could take this game over and put it away if he wants. The commercials on MMOD are even worse than TV. In the meantime, read this to get a feeling for Big Ten Country (NSFW) http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0318091dog1.html

6:07 - In case you were wondering, Michigan St. and Cleveland St. are both in control. Biggest upset of the first round comes on one of the last games. tOSU up 4 with under 2 minutes left. Meanwhile, our game has screeched to a crawl. Still 44-39 'Noles.

Commercial - I just saw that Nike Illinois ad for at least the 19th time during this game. Even I am sick of it. By the way, we have moved over to MMOD.

7:34 - Under 8 timeout. Same score. This game is pretty close. We should break 100 too. Neither team really deserves to win. I am so spoiled since I usually watch sports on a 20 minute or so delay I usually don't see commercials. I can't believe how many just repeat over and over. Miller Lite and Resident Evil 5 for like the 10th time each.

8:14 - I am anticipating them cutting over to Ohio St./Siena shortly, so we will have to move to MMOD. Badgers get first basket in a while. 44-39 'Noles. Marcus Landy's goggles do nothing!

9:18 - Toney Douglas has put the 'Nole up by 7. He is taking over this game. He has 19. The power of a star in this tournament should not be overlooked.

11:14 - There are a lot of empty seats. I mean It's only 8:30 or 9:30 there. How many other things could there be to do in Boise right now? FSU makes free throws. They lead 39-37. Mich St. is rolling. Paulas must be having a blast live blogging that.

Commercial - I have to admit, I do like the Nike commercial with the cop in Illinois giving the car a ticket for 1 MPH over because they have a Tarheels sticker. Then the flashback of UNC beating Illinois in 2005, which was by the way, my best sports year ever.

Cleveland St. - Is still up 9! I guess we knew that we needed a 13 seed to pull an upset. Wake Forest seemed like a trendy pick though.

11:47 - Badgers got blocked twice on same possession and still scored. Tenacious white guys! 37-35 Badgers, under 12 timeout.

12:36 - Both teams are playing a bit out of control. FSU freshman Luke Loucks is down with an injury. His left arm. Turnovers and offensive fouls the last couple trips. Loucks is in a lot of pain.

13:01 - In case you aren't watching, this crowd is pretty mediocre. It has to be a bitch to get to Boise from anywhere. It seems like a pro-Wisconsin crowd. You would think after an 11 year drought that FSU would travel better. Although maybe they just assume they will forfeit the wins in 5 years anyway. 35 all after a Badger 3.

13:51 - The 'Noles get their first basket of the half to retake the lead after 13 straight points to start the game for the Badgers.

14:45 - 11-0 run for Badgers in the 2nd half. 31-30 'Noles. It's getting tight. Another FSU turnover.

15:56 - Under 16 timeout. All of the sudden it's a new game. Halftime turnarounds are usually the responsibility of the coach. And as I said before, Bo Ryan is a good coach. He must have passed on the cigs at halftime.

16:37 - I just found out that Toney Douglas is the brother of former Louisville and current Atlanta Falcon WR Harry Douglas. The Badgers are making a run after some sloppy FSU play. Just buried a 3 to make it 31-26 'Noles.

17:55 - FSU is giving new meaning to sloppy seconds. Douglas with the charge. Throwing up bricks. Badgers turn if right back over. This is how the first half started. Timeout.

18:54 - Xavier has to be sitting at home loving this game. I doubt they seem concerned about either team at this point. Krabbenhoft hits a 3!! The Badgers are alive.

20:00 - About ready for the 2nd half. The John Deere commercial seems like focused advertising. That's some nice work. A couple of FSU's cheerleaders looked over 30. WTF is that? Were is Jenn Sterger when you need her.

Halftime - The Badgers shot an atrocious 1 of 10 from three point land. Marcus Landry is their leading scorer with 6. No one has more than 2 boards. They are also shooting 26% from the field. FSU is shooting 50% from the field and 3 of 6 from outside. Douglas has 10 points. Kitchen has 6 boards. Michigan St. only has 9 less points than these two teams combined in the first half. Your nonathletic Badger stat of the half, 0 blocks to FSU's 3.

All joking aside, FSU has this game in control. Wisconsin will have to get hot from outside to have a chance. It's unlikely they will continue to shoot as bad as they are so the game isn't OVER. But as I said before, when you are a Big Ten team and can't hit a jumper, you are in trouble.

0:00 - Toney Douglas took a knee to the thigh. He sat out the last 30 seconds. Wisconsin needs to pull a Tonya Harding ASAP. 31-19 'Noles at halftime. Stats coming your way...

0:36 - Cleveland St. is up 9 at the half against Wake. Ohio St. is up 5 on Siena at the half. And we are stuck with this crapfest?

1:33 - Wisconsin is really not playing bad, they just can't make shots. That is what happens when you are a Big 10 team. You live and die by the jumper. FSU is up 29-19 and really extending this lead before halftime.

2:33 - Another timeout. This is the under 4 TV TO. Bo Ryan is going to go for a whole pack of cigs at halftime. I think Toney Clemons said before the game that he was glad this game was in Idaho, because the only way he would sleep with a Wisconsin female is if she was wearing a potato sack over her head. *whew* finally got that Idaho joke in....and it sucked

3:02 - Timeout. FSU is getting hot. Singleton hit a 3. 'Noles lead 26-19. Tomahawk chop going on.

3:23 - FSU has a guy with the last name Kitchen. That really isn't important. Both teams just exchanged baskets. 23-19 'Noles. We may break 100 yet!

4:56 - Wow, FSU player grabbed the defensive board, sprinted the other way past the entire Badger team, missed the layup and Xavier Gibson slammed it home. FSU is trying to get in a rhythm.

5:58 - This is FSU's first tourney appearance since 1998. Since then, they have had a Rhodes Scholar, the original MySpace Whore and Bobby Bowden's sons have run his good name into the ground. Oh yea, tied at 17.

7:06 - FSU has gone to a 3 guard lineup. They are just blowing by the white guys. I mean seriously, I am white. We are slow. The way to beat us to run by us. Although, against Wisconsin FSU could just hope that after a long winter of seeing Madison girl's post hibernation bodies that they might be distracted by the FSU cheerleaders. Under 8 TV timeout. Seminoles by 4. Badgers are 0 for 5 from downtown. If the Badgers aren't hitting threes the best they can hope for is a cheese curd eating contest.

7:24 - Man, if I see that stupid Domino's commercial with the CEO again I am gonna punch a hole in my TV where his face is. The Badgers grabbed a loose ball and called a timeout.

7:30 - Bo Ryan stepped out for a cig and the Badgers are slipping. Douglas hits a 3 and FSU has the lead for the first time tonight?

9:00 - Douglas gets his first FG on the best FSU possession of the night. 12-11 Badgers.

9:45 - Alabi looks good. He is a redshirt freshman and is leading FSU with 6. That guy could be a beast in the ACC next year.

10:30 - Toney Douglas is out of the game right now. Guess that is what happens when you average 20+ and only have 1 so far.

11:26 - TV Timeout. 10-5 Badgers. Seriously? 15 points in 8+ minutes? Ladies and Gentleman, Big Ten Basketball!

Does anyone think Bo Ryan looks like he smokes 10 packs a day? He also looks like the dad of some hot girl who you date and when you finally meet him he pulls you aside and says "Don't fuck my daughter. I have a shotgun and I know every cop in town."

12:01 - Clemons finally gets his first point. Nice Hoosiers reference in the comments. This game is definitely missing a drunk Dennis Hopper.

13:00 - Another FSU turnover. Sloppy. If this game is in Boise, why don't they play it on the Smurf turf?

13:35 - 8-4 Badgers. We have a barn burner going. Bohannon just picked up his 2nd foul. One player from each team with 2 fouls.

14:00 - Wisconsin is using the entire shot clock repeatedly. And FSU just got called for their 2nd OFFENSIVE foul.

15:00 - The announcers gave us Toney Douglas' point totals recently. He has been lighting it up. 10 points for both teams in 5 minutes so far.

Under 16 timeout: - As expected Wisconsin is really slowing it down. FSU probably has an advantage in a track meet.

16:00 - We are expecting our first Bobby Bowden reference anytime now.

17:00 - The Badgers have added a 4th white guy. It's like they want to be a stereotype. And the lone African American Trevon Hughes scores.

18:00 - Four all. Both teams have scored all all their possessions.

19:00 - Monster dunk by Alabi to start the game. Wisconsin answers. No much defense so far. Announcers seem surprised.

Right off the bat, let's get this off my chest: I know fuck all about college basketball. My credentials for writing this are solely that I attended Michigan State University during their 2000 championship run, which in turn led me to see five different female breasts during the Mardi Gras-like celebration that ensued. As such, if I get some of the "rules" wrong, get off my back! (Apparently, there's this line that the players can attempt shots behind that will give them three points instead of two if they make it! Who knew?)

Just to set the scene, I'm in now-dark Southern California, midway through my third beer, watching the game on the NCAA feed on my desktop computer – in HD, to see every one of Izzo's beautiful, beautiful hairs! – and typing furiously on my laptop, which is resting on my lap, warming my genitals, murdering millions of sperm as we speak.

The winner of this game gets to take on the [insert condom joke here] of USC. But most importantly, this game leads us West Coasters almost RIGHT into the series finale of "Battlestar Galactica". If any of you East Coasters throw spoilers up on this thread, I will track you down and murder you in your sleep. I'm not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly, and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.

Let's do the man-dance!

PRE-GAME - I don't care how often I see him, Tom Izzo is as close to a Leprechaun Coach as we're ever going to get.

19:57 - Almost immediately, Raymar Morgan shows Robert Morris who the REAL financier is. Whatever that means. Slam-dunk, 2-0.

17:20 - And just like that, Robert Morris is back in the game. And since we're going to be here awhile, just know that RoMo is now how I'm shortening the name of this odd school. 8-7, Spartans.

16:09 - If anyone has the "less than 4 minutes into the game" square for how long it would take to mention Izzo's focus on rebounding, you're a winner!

14:56 - Great and-1 drive to the hoop by Nuwigmay? Noowignay? I'd look his name up, but I don't even know how to pronounce it.

Commercial Break - I guess it's time to take Arby's off the list of places I'll be eating at in the near future. I know they're making a point that they're not greasy, but I still didn't need the visual of a grease-ball high schooler wiping his hair back with a burger.

13:35 - I'm going to go with Nuwigway. Is this somehow racist if I don't care enough to look it up? Spartans up, 17-14.

12:27 - I already admitted that I haven't seen a WHOLE lot of college basketball this year, but I have seen a number of MSU games, which is why I'd like to say that I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Robert Morris wins this match-up. If MSU starts going cold - something they've done nearly every other game all year - then the Big Ten could be looking awfully foolish after this weekend. 19-18, Sparty.

Commercial Break - Do girls really have sex with you immediately if you use Axe Body Spray, as if they're an armpit roofie? Does anyone have any insight on this, by chance?

10:40 - A blocked shot lands right in the large, should-be-Eastern-European arms of Goran Suton, leading to an old fashioned 3-point play. 22-18, Spartans.

10:21 - John Segel? JOHN Segel? I'm sorry, Gus Johnson. It's JASON Segel that's on "How I Met Your Mother". You might remember him from the enormous cock he showed off in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Your ass just got served!

9:07 - Len Elmore has the rulebook sitting open in his lap, doesn't he? 26-23, Spartans.

Commercial Break - Regarding the "Resident Evil 5" commercial: Isn't it a cheat to use that "Requiem for a Tower" score in, well, anything anymore?

Commercial Break? - So, um, something happened in the game for about 2 seconds and then they went right back to commercials, including the awesomely homoerotic Sheraton Hotels one with a bunch of same-sex couples showcasing their fetish for wearing rival school's outfits, something you just know they're going to "punish" each other for later in the bedroom. (Hint: By "punish" I mean "sexual intercourse"!)

7:37 - Robert Morris can't even check in right? Step it up, small school! This is the big leagues!

5:59 - New-wig-weigh ties up the game with a nice 20-footer and completely destroys the Internet in the process, sticking my computer on "Buffering" mode for a good 30 seconds. 28-28.

4:15 - Kalin Lucas double-clutch reverse kick-flip 360 beauty puts MSU up, 32-30.

3:44 - During the timeout, I got the following text message from my younger sister: "Who is John Holmes?" I'm kind of scared to answer.

2:58 - A nondescript Robert Morris player throws up a shot, which gets halfway down before rattling out. Kind of like sexual intercourse! Am I right, people? (Note: While I was crafting that amazing joke, MSU just went on a run. 41-30, MSU.)

Commercial Break - Since this looks to be the time when MSU starts getting serious, and when Robert Morris starts playing like Robert Morris (presumably), this sucker's about to get boring real quick. As such, here's a very NSFW image of a man having sex with his tailpipe. You're welcome.

Halftime - MSU heads into the locker room with a 41-30 lead over Robert Morris, and even though RoMo has put up a bit of a fight, this seems like it might already be in books. The Spartans ended the half with an 11-point run, and it won't be surprising if, after the first 5 minutes of the second half, MSU is up by 20 points or so. Which means it's time for another beer. Go ahead and crack one open, readers. You've earned it.

Still Halftime - Goddamnit. I'm really upset I didn't do the reverse-time-posting version of the live-blog like everyone else. I'm sorry that you all have to scroll down every time after refreshing. But that just means you'll get an extra shot at clicking on the "guy fucking his car" link above. Lemons into lemonade.

Halftime, Continuing - This AT&T "At the Half" has all of the production value of my high school TV production class. And boom goes the dynamite!

Halftime, But We're Getting Close - This live feed from the NCAA website of the half-time activities, with it's camera in the corner of the stadium is kind of mesmerizing. I think I lost the last 5 minutes of my life to a daze.

18:45 - Morgan plays with the smaller non-rebounding folk of Robert Morris before getting fouled on the shot, misses both, and MSU gets the rebound, misses the shot, MSU gets another one, and puts it in. 43-30, MSU as CBS showcases the 9.9 rebounding margin lead that MSU has had for the year. They LOVE to rebound!

17:30 - Morgan's on the sideline, stretching his knee out, which would be big news if Robert Morris hasn't scored a field goal in the last 8 minutes.

15:35 - Alley oop puts the finishing touches on a 21-point run by the Spartans of East Lansing, giving them a 51-30 lead. Let's go ahead and mark this one as "over". At least point, I'd recommend changing over to another live blog for a more exciting game. Maybe Florida State-Wisconsin. Or Ohio State-Siena. Pretty much anything but this.

15:22 - And Robert Morris is on the second-half board with a pair of free throws. 51-32, MSU.

14:25 - Time to run some clock off, boys. That "Battlestar Galactica" series finale isn't going to watch itself.

12:34 - Goran Suton, who's had a monster of a game on the boards tonight, knocks a rebound to a teammate who dribble-drives for the deuce. 58-39, MSU.

Commercial Break - Honestly, go watch another game. I'll get over it. Think about yourselves.

Commercial Break - Don't these Coke Zero people realize that they're owned by the same people as Coke? Seems like they shouldn't want the main product to do poorly, especially in these hard economic times.

10:31 - Suton hits the jumper, to go along with 17 rebounds, as MSU takes a 64-41 lead. And this is now what I think about this game, [Via Eye on Springfield]:

9:23 - Suton hits another jumper, giving him 11 points so far. He's easily the MVP of the game, if that matters.

8:31 - Marquis Gray pulls a bone-headed move by fouling a RoMo player on the shot, giving them a 3-point opportunity. The free throw cuts the lead to 66-49, MSU, and gives Izzo a much-needed "coachable moment" with the youngster.

Commercial Break - I'm not afraid to say it: The Beer Guy Falling Down The Aisle is easily the weakest of the Southwest "Want to Get Away?" commercials.

5:29 - Morgan throws down another dunk, giving MSU a 71-50 lead. Zzzzzzzz ....

4:10 - If my updates have been more and more sporadic, you'll have to excuse me. The Ohio State-Siena game just got pretty interesting.

3:38 - And Tom Izzo clears his bench, which means the white folks are coming in! His team is ahead 73-52. This win sets up a very intriguing battle Sunday between these East Lansingettes and the Trojans of Southern California. Everyone immediately got on the USC bandwagon after their dominant win earlier tonight, but if the MSU team plays like this, they'll be sleep-walking into the Sweet 16.

3:00 - Hey, that Wisconsin-Florida State is getting kind of interesting as well. Go watch that one!

2:15 - MSU takes a 75-55 lead. And if I hear another whistle, I'm going to egg some ref's house.

1:03 - And with the score 75-62, Tom Izzo calls a timeout. Jerk. You better believe I'm not writing another post until the end of this monstrosity.

Final - And the game, mercifully, comes to an end. After a good first 15 minutes, Michigan State started taking Robert Morris seriously, making this a blow-out really quick. If you had to point to one big factor as to why MSU ended up winning, it's that they were much, much, much, much, much, much, much better than Robert Morris. 77-62 is your final. Keep it safe, boys and girls.

Ha, thanks for the introduction Suss, though I will disappoint you all from the start and say I'm not sure exactly how much I will take advantage of that opportunity. After all, I do have a reputation to uphold, and you never know who's watching. (Possibly being paranoid here, but my guess is most colleges I have active applications to aren't as appreciative of dead baby jokes as most of the Deadspin readership.) Anyways, I don't quite fit into the mold of your typical sports blogger. I'm not a 33-year-old male who lives with his parents, spends all his time surfing the internet and watching sports on TV and wishes he could play like they do...I'm actually a 17-year-old male who lives with his parents, spends all his time surfing the internet and watching sports on TV and wishes he could play like they do, which apparently makes it all cool.

So, let's do this thing. I live in the Albany area, so I'll be pulling for my hometown Siena, fulfilling the "without discretion" tenant of Deadspin. I may not be able to do the same work as the four people did at the last game in this region, but damn it, I'm going to try.

Siena went 26-7 and won the MAAC* regular-season title, then clinched the NCAA berth in its home building, the Times Union Center in Albany. Call it karmic justice if you will, but they now have to more or less go on the road and play Ohio State in Dayton; the Buckeyes went 22-9 and lost to Purdue in the Big 10 championship.

*The "M-A-A-C", according to Dick Vitale (he says each letter like that). I get why he does it, since the MAC has been more nationally relevant recently, but Albany-area fans might be able to back me up on this: They played a radio commercial locally for the MAAC tournament, which involved Vitale for some reason, and he still did his "M-A-A-C" thing, which annoyed the crap out of me...if you say "MAAC" (one word) around here, we're definitely thinking of the one with two a's.

You'll hear plenty tonight about Siena's nonconference schedule, which was brutal...they played Tennessee, Oklahoma State, Pitt, and Kansas, all on the road or neutral, though they lost all four games. You'll recall that this team beat Vanderbilt in the 4-13 game last year; Vandy was terribly overrated, but Siena has everybody back except for sixth man Tay Fisher (who did play a big part in that game).

A couple stark contrasts in this game. Siena plays at the 16th-fastest pace in the country, averaging 71.9 possessions per game, while Ohio State is #289 with 63.4. And, according to some neat graph I found yesterday, Siena is the most consistent team in the tourney, while OSU is the third-most inconsistent.

Siena tries to force the issue defensively to get into transition; they'll run off turnovers, missed baskets, made baskets, timeouts, and anything else they can. When forced to play a halfcourt game, they generally eschew playcalling and run a freewheeling motion offense. Ohio State's offensive philosophy is to have the player with the ball curl up in the fetal position for the first thirty seconds of the shot clock. At least that's what I'm told. Big 10 pace jokes aside (don't worry, there are more coming), OSU runs their entire offense through top scorer Evan Turner in crunch time, though he isn't their nominal point guard, and goes with four guys on the perimeter around first-team all-Atlas Dallas Lauderdale or B.J. Mullens.

Looks like I'm leading off among the late games...

For whatever it's worth, I picked Siena in my bracket, but mainly because I didn't want to be that guy who picked against the hometown team and was wrong. I probably would have picked OSU if I lived in any other region of the country.

18:52 More than a minute gone, and still only one possession for each team...good news for OSU. Neither team on the board yet after a shot clock violation.

18:23 A Ryan Rossiter putback for Siena opens the scoring; Rossiter is the one key guy that wasn't a big part of last year's team but has really broken out as a threat this season.

17:29 Siena finally gets to run, but Kenny Hasbrouck gets fouled before he can finish. One of two FTs give Siena a 3-2 lead.

17:00 Siena gets a rebound and pushes the ball up, but OSU gets guys back and turns it into a transition opportunitiy, which William Buford finishes with a vengeance.

16:15 Ouch, the Saints are just getting killed inside right now. They're not very deep inside, either, with hometown boy Josh Duell limited to probably just a small amount of playing time due to a partial tear in his calf.

14:05 Finally, Siena gets an outside shot to fall. OSU 8, Siena 8.

13:40 Someone should tell Siena that they're great in transition. Because right now they sure aren't looking like it.

13:40 Fun Fact: Ohio State does not have a senior on their roster.

13:40 Six minutes in and you can officially cross "Siena's upset last year" off your bingo card. I knew that was a gimme.

12:00 Ohio State also has a white big man who grew up in their area, B.J. Mullens. He gets an easy basket inside, and it's OSU 13, Siena 8.

10:43 Cleveland State's up ten on Wake already? Siena keeps missing shots (4/17 at this point)...

9:38 And cross off "Where is Siena?" as well. Another big difference between the teams: Siena is the smallest school (by enrollment), while OSU is second-largest. The game seems to be going that way right now too.

9:07 Sharpshooter Clarence Jackson, playing the role of Tay Fisher this year, hits a three, followed by a very tough and awkward shot by Rossiter that somehow falls. OSU 17, Siena 15.

7:59 Buckeye sighting. Very intimidating. At least a Saint Bernard could, like, jump on top of you and suffocate you, and stuff...

7:17 There is a lot of red in that arena. Um...CBS just cut away from the Siena game...do you know where you are? It's not even on the CBS2 that Time Warner gives me. They claim they're going back soon, but I'm loading up MMOD just in case (man, I love being a 21st century kid).

5:05 Thank you, Robert Greg Gumbel (no idea where that came from), for graciously sending me back to Dayton. One mysterious bucket for each team, but the way these teams are shooting, we could go away for the final five minutes and not miss much.

4:15 I have seen more missed dunks in this tournament than I can ever remember. These goshdarn kids these days ain't got no fundamentals! Lew Alcindor, now there was a REAL basketball player! Alex Franklin misses a putback off a missed Rossiter layup, and Siena misses a golden transition opportunity.

4:00 Alley-oop to Edwin Ubiles makes up for it somewhat. OSU 21, Siena 19.

3:03 One effect of Siena's transition game that does not show up directly in the box score: They're forcing OSU to get back early, and as a result the Buckeyes only have one offensive rebound. Of course, on the next possession, their second leads to a Jeremie Simmons three.

2:02 Ubiles misses a three-footer, but Simmons is called for traveling in the backcourt. The NCAA Tournament - where the best basketball players in the nation come to shine!

1:41 Yeah, I'd probably be asleep now if I didn't have a rooting interest in this game. Pretty sure most of you are over at the Cleveland St-Wake liveblog now (or, even better, actually out doing something).

1:10 Mullens scores, then Hasbrouck misses another shot right under the basket. Can't wait to see Siena's first-half shot chart - a row of X's in a three-foot circle around the basket.

:26 I know I'm not the first nor the last person to say this, but...can we please get a no-charge circle in the NCAA already? Like, yesterday?

Halftime: Ohio State 28, Siena 23. An absolutely ugly end-of-half possession for OSU...there's no way that the "by the book" strategy is the most effective one there, right? Like, whatever teams usually do, it never works. I think the halfcourt shot is just about as effective.

The Big 10 really needs to be excommunicated from college basketball...I'm blaming them for this slopfest just because it's easy. (Not like Siena's the one shooting 20ish percent or anything.)

One of the live-bloggers brought this up yesterday, and I regret that I cannot give credit where it's due because I'm too lazy...can Sonic please start opening up in the northeast? Like, I don't think there's one within ten hours of here. I know their food's probably crap, but damn it, I want to find out for myself, and they advertise all the freaking time.

I guess I've always taken this for granted, but Storming the Floor has this to say about the Saint Bernard:

Best Mascot: This one's not even fair. The nod easily goes to the Siena Saints, who boast perhaps the best logo in all college sports.

Really, 51 points? The over-under on this game was apparently 141.5 or thereabouts...well, we're almost a third of the way there. Maybe a 24-second shot clock is in order? Or, you know, a basket that's three times the normal size?

19:38 And we're back...Ubiles starts the half off with a made layup, giving us all hope that we might see some points in the second half.

19:09 Quick scoreboard check...Wake Forest is down nine, Wisconsin down twelve. Bracket-picking, I wish I knew how to quit you.

18:40 Lauderdale wide open for a dunk. Glad he didn't go to school where I live...if I were writing about him in high school, I can't imagine how many "putting his team on the map" puns people would have been subjected to.

17:33 Off-topic but...that Arizona win is really pissing me off. They didn't deserve to be in the tournament (lost five of their last six, 2-9 on the road with the wins over the worst teams in the league), so I picked against them out of spite, even though they're obviously more talented than Utah.

16:53 Buford hits a baseline jumper, and Ohio State has what I think is their biggest lead of the night. OSU 36, Siena 27.

16:25 Rossiter gets fouled twice on the floor on one possession, paving the way for Ubiles to hit a three. Hasbrouck's still been remarkably quiet.

16:25 Exciting news, according to this commercial: If you buy Degree deodorant, you can go 90 mph down the freeway the wrong way between two trucks on a shopping cart. Since we're still talking commercials (no idea how many of you are watching on TV or if you're seeing the same things I am), did everybody really hate that Polamalu/Joe Green commercial at the Super Bowl (just on again)? I thought it was kinda funny, better than you could say about most of them.

15:42 Important news from the CBS graphic people: "Eye of the Tiger" has been played 98 times so far this tournament. How badly would it suck to have that job? I guess it would be cool to be at the tournament and stuff, but if it means listening to twenty different bands play the same song a hundred times (and counting), it might be hard to swallow.

14:27 Turner hits a three, and all of a sudden it's OSU 41, Siena 30. This is getting out of control fast.

14:27 Does this count?

14:27 Siena's FG% has inched up to 29%. More importantly, they only have four points off turnovers (the plodding Buckeyes have 15). Hasbrouck jacks up an NBA three, which is, um, not exactly what the coach means when he says be patient. More like the opposite.

13:19 Ubiles on a break, nobody in front of him...and he misses a dunk spectacularly. CBS may have to dump the "One Shining Moment" this year and replace it with a blooper reel instead, to the tune of William Hung.

12:26 And yet, Siena's finding a way to come back somehow. Ronald Moore makes some fancy moves and finds Alex Franklin under the hoop; one of two free throws makes the score OSU 41, Siena 35.

11:37 Franklin cuts the lead to four with a tenacious drive, and OSU has got absolutely nothing going on offense right now.

11:12 I see OSU's trying to break the 7-0 run with their "pass the ball around 30 feet from the basket" play. Gutsy call. It ends somewhat predictably, with Turner forcing a shot late in the clock and missing.

10:39 Rossiter is wide open on the opposite block for about a decade, finally receives the pass from Franklin, and finishes to cut the lead to OSU 41, Siena 39. Saints force a turnover on the other end, and can tie or take the lead here.

9:40 DJ Hill hits a three to finally break the streak. Other scores, in case you're too lazy to click over to somewhere else: Wisconsin opened the second half on a 13-0 run to take a one-point lead over FSU, Cleveland State continues to have a nine-point lead on Wake, and Michigan State is running away with their game.

9:00 Hasbrouck drives but is called for a travel...sure hope he gets another chance, because this is not the way you want a senior as great as he has been to go out. Moore misses a layup in transition, may have been deflected.

8:10 But OSU seems determined to give them opportunities; a pass directly to Moore, who makes the uncontested layup this time, then a traveling call in the backcourt. Either way, Louisville is licking their chops right now.

7:45 Timeout. Score remains OSU 45, Siena 43.

6:39 Won't somebody please think of the children? Dumb travel by Hill as the game's lack of fundamental play is moving past humorous sportswriter cliche and into legitimately embarrassing territory.

4:55 Jon Diebler finally connects on a three-ball, this one from NBA range, and it's OSU 49, Siena 43. Hasbrouck misses a trey on the other end and Siena is called for a rebounding foul.

4:30 Siena needs a bucket here...and they go to Hasbrouck, who creates a midrange jumper from the wing and connects.

3:51 Moore finds Franklin with a sweet dish and finish to cut the lead to two...the basketball gods decide to smite Buford on the other end, as his shot goes in and out of the bucket.

2:55 Rossiter all alone inside...and we're tied! 49-all.

2:35 It's Turner time...the Buckeye star hits a pull-up jumper from the elbow to retake the lead. Moore misses a three on the other end. Neither team really wants to take this game, giving away just enough momentum at just the right moments.

1:51 After two free throws from Turner, Hasbrouck misses a shot from the baseline, but Ubiles is there to clean up. OSU 53, Siena 51.

1:20 Two more freebies for Turner after an odd foul by Moore, but Hasbrouck answers with one of his own. Rossiter and Hasbrouck fight with Buford for a loose ball after the second, but get charged with a questionable foul instead.

:56 One of two for Buford; bad possession for Siena on the other end. OSU ball with under a minute left; Buckeyes lead 56-52.

:47.0 Mullens misses two FTs for OSU. Hasbrouck finally connects with a three, fed by Ronald Moore, and yet again Siena's made things interesting. OSU 56, Siena 55.

:8.0 12-second difference between game and shot clocks...wonder who's taking this shot. Turner misses, Moore finds Hasbrouck on the other end, who is fouled hard. Biggest two free throws of his life.

:8.0 First shot...off the back iron. Seriously, no pressure. Second one is good, OSU has eight seconds to put the ball in the basket or else we're headed to overtime. Rooting for OT, but even if not we'll see the tourney's first legit buzzer beater, so we'll at least get an exciting ending to what has been a less-than-stellar game.

End 2nd Half: Siena sticks with the trap, which OSU hasn't been breaking quickly the entire game...Turner gets the ball on the wing, drives through a couple defenders, and actually gets a decent, albeit off-balance, look, but can't get the ball to fall. The ball winds up in Hill's hands with less than a second left and he gets off another shot, but doesn't connect and you're stuck with me for at least another five minutes.

Siena has to be feeling pretty good going into OT...they clearly have the momentum, Hasbrouck's finally starting to get hot (though he does have four fouls), and their press may be wearing OSU down.

4:42 Hasbrouck gets things started right, making a drive look easy. Saints have their first lead since the second minute of play. Siena 58, OSU 56.

3:44 Buford settles for a leaner instead of waiting for help in transition, but misses and Hill gets called for a rebounding foul; Rossiter hits both free throws. Four-point game.

3:09 Diebler hits his second three of the contest (2/10) to bring the Buckeyes within one. Rossiter called for his fourth foul chasing down a loose ball on the other end. Both free throws are good. OSU 61, Siena 60.

1:50 After a bunch of passing down low, Buford fouls Ubiles (his fourth). The junior makes both free throws to regain the lead. Siena 62, OSU 61.

1:40 Wisconsin and Florida State are going down to the wire as well right now. Wake is done, Michigan State won. Coverage just switched to the FSU game during the timeout, hopefully will go back.

1:20 Lob ball to Mullens on an inbound play, and OSU is back ahead. Hasbrouck stripped on the other end.

:30 Not sure of everything that happened, because CBS cut away to the Wisconsin game to see the last shot, only cut back about three seconds too soon (it wasn't good). OSU holds till the end of the shot clock (:14 difference), misses, but Mullens gets a huge rebound; Hill gets fouled with :9.1.

:9.1 Damn, this is intense. Basketball is the best.

End 1st OT: Hill hits both...but Moore takes the ball down the court, pulls up, and hits the three with :3.5 to play. Diebler actually gets off a good look from 28 feet or so on the other end, but the ball bounces off the inside rim. We're headed for (yet another) overtime. Damn Syracuse for cheapening this whole experience.

What a shot by Moore...now that's what this tournament is made of. First 2OT game since the first round in 07 (Vandy over Washington State), for those of you not watching CBS.

4:08 OT2: Neither team scores on their first possession. Ubiles drives for Siena and is fouled; he makes one but the Saints control the rebound.

3:43 Franklin in the post gets fouled (Turner's fourth). Hits two of two. Siena 68, OSU 65.

3:35 OSU's been doing some strange stuff to break the press, but over the past eight minutes or so, it's generally been working.

2:18 Ubiles and Hasbrouck both have opportunities to make it a two-possession game, but neither connects. Turner hits a big jumper on the other end when Ubiles gives him plenty of space...after plenty of deliberation, it's ruled a three.

1:40 Since CBS is taking me here...hell of a drive and shot in the Wisconsin game - bucket and one by Hughes with :2.0 to go up two.

:35 Missed a lot in the Siena game...bucket for each team (Ubiles for Siena, didn't see a replay of the OSU bucket). Hill called for a touch foul on Moore, who makes one. Siena 71, OSU 70.

:17 Turner with a huge, huge drive. 72-71.

3.9:McCaffrey lets his guys play, the ball ends up in Ronald Moore's hands with five seconds left, he shoots from beyond the arc again and...swish! Moore's second huge three at the end of an OT gives the Saints a two-point lead. Siena 74, OSU 72 (3.9 remaining)

End 2nd OT: Turner goes the length of the court and takes an off-balance 19-footer...hits off the rim. Siena is into the second round for the second time in as many years. Huge win for the program, huge night for Ronald Moore, and Ohio State has to feel bad about this one.

If you told the Buckeyes they could force Ronald Moore to hit two threes to win the game, they certainly would have taken that...Moore didn't hit a single trey in the four games before this one (and missed his first four tonight). But he came through when it counted, to say the least, and will be one of Saturday morning's biggest heroes. Certainly not a great game overall, but you can't complain about the way it ended.

For Ohio State...you were Big 10 tournament finalists, you're a power-conference team, and you held an 11-point lead on a mid-major in the second half, playing essentially at home. Siena could not make a shot early in the game, but OSU could never fully take advantage; each time it seemed they were close to ending the game they would let Siena get on a run. Good teams have to do better than that. They turned the ball over way too many times late in the game, and let the game go to overtime, where crazy things can happen.

On the other side...Siena goes almost on the road and beats a favored BCS squad. They played awfully in the first half, at least offensively, but for now they have to be considered right up there with the best mid-major schools after winning tourney games in consecutive years. They played from behind the whole game but fought back well, and got the right shots at the right time. They obviously won't beat Louisville playing like this, and probably won't no matter what, but I'm looking forward to seeing them try.

Guess I'm closing up shop here. Thanks to Suss for giving me this opportunity, and thanks to both teams for playing a very exciting game. If you enjoyed it, glad I could help, and if you didn't, screw off. Now, back to your regularly scheduled Deadspin...