What you are watching has not been slowed down. It has not been edited to make it more enraging, nor more hilarious. This is the qualifying for the World Touring Car Championship race at Salzburg.

Supposedly, you can't get something for nothing. But what if you wanted that something really badly? What if you offered access to "hot bitches" to get it? What if you kissed unbelievable amounts of ass in your quest? And most importantly, what if you knew Tim Tebow in high school?

Juan Montoya drives the number 42 Chevy for Earnhardt-Ganassi Racing in NASCAR. This weekend, he has a new sponsor. That sponsor is adult diaper maker Depend. This is gold.