Manchester United Dominate Leicester, End Up Getting Blown Out

You see that little guy up there? That's Filbert the Fox, Leicester City's mascot. Don't worry, he's feeling great. Though his club hosted the rich and famous Manchester United today, his boys managed to take down the giants. Those aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of mockery, directed at the section of United… » 9/21/14 12:09pm 9/21/14 12:09pm

MK Dons Score Gorgeous Goal While Bossing Manchester United

Milton Keynes Dons of League One—that's the league below the league below the Premier League—put a goddamn hurting on Manchester United in a League Cup match today, beating them 4-0 to the delight of nearly everyone in the world. Here is the third and prettiest goal of the match, featuring some deft passing and one of… » 8/26/14 5:11pm 8/26/14 5:11pm

Man United Hire New Manager, Already Expect To Win Premier League

It's not even next season yet and we've already got the first lolunited post of the '14-'15 campaign. New Manchester United ship captain Louis van Gaal has officially been christened, and in lieu of smacking him across the head with a champagne bottle, they've promised him £150M, with an expectation that he win the… » 5/20/14 10:54am 5/20/14 10:54am

The 2013-14 Premier League Season Was Well And Truly Fucking Awesome

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There was pessimism, hope, and ultimately failure. There was schadenfreude; oh, was there schadenfreude. There were also huge games, mesmerizing goals, and more twists in the title race than a M. Night Shyamalan movie (but actually good). To cap off an especially… » 5/13/14 3:23pm 5/13/14 3:23pm

Manchester United Sacks Sad Sack David Moyes After Disastrous Campaign

It's official! Sad David Moyes has been fired by sad Manchester United, just one year into a six-year contract. While Moyes had avoided the ax a couple times this season, the sacking isn't at all surprising given a nightmarish campaign that has resulted in United's worst ever Premier League season and widespread glee… » 4/22/14 11:09am 4/22/14 11:09am

Sad Man United Score Great Goal, Then Get Pounded In Champions League

So...the gig's up. Manchester United, who have played like absolute dog shit all season long, almost definitely won't play in the Champions League next season. After drawing defending CL champions FC Bayern last week in the first leg of their quarterfinal, they needed to avoid a loss in Germany to advance to the… » 4/09/14 4:58pm 4/09/14 4:58pm

Manchester United Get A Big Win, Remain Soccer's Funniest Joke

Coaches and players often say, when asked whether something or other has added fire to an upcoming game, that if just being in the Big Time Sporting Event doesn't motivate you, you're beyond hope anyway. If that's true, then Manchester United's passion-filled 3-0 comeback against Olympiakos probably doesn't say much… » 3/20/14 5:04pm 3/20/14 5:04pm

Sad Manchester United Lose Following Wonder Goal From Joel Campbell

Manchester United traveled to Greece to play Olympiakos FC in the Champions League, and they caught an ass-whooping. Olympiakos opened scoring in the 38th minute, when an Alejandro Dominguez shot from the top of the box was deflected before tragically trickling past United keeper David de Gea into the back of the net. » 2/25/14 4:52pm 2/25/14 4:52pm