José Mourinho Is Back, And He's His Old Shit-Talking Self

The José Mourinho Era at Manchester United officially kicked off today as the Portuguese manager was finally unveiled for the job he’s not-so-secretly pined after for years and we’ve all known he would get for months. Judging by the track suit he slipped into for the photo op on Old Trafford’s pitch, and the narrowly…

Advertisement

What On Earth Is Going On With José Mourinho's Manchester United Pre-Contract?

We can all agree that the big takeaway from the pre-contract José Mourinho has reportedly signed with Manchester United is the simple fact that, after a few months on the sidelines, no doubt stewing over the calamity that was his final season at Chelsea, our man Mourinho will almost certainly be back in his natural…

Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]

In their usually fruitless quest to prove they can still compete with the truly elite clubs in world soccer, Manchester United have apparently decided to challenge Bayern Munich for the title of World’s Most Injured Squad. Just a little while ago, the one bright spot during this season of frustration, Anthony Martial,

The Manchester United Backroom Power Struggle Theory We Desperately Hope Is True

There’s simply never enough intrigue and entertainment to be had from Manchester United to fully sate our appetite. Either they’re crushing all opponents at home and abroad, as they did during Alex Ferguson’s tenure, or they’re shitting all over themselves, the way they have in the few years since Sir Alex left. While…

The Botched David de Gea Transfer Was A Glorious Clusterfuck

Transfer deadline day is always liable to turn up a couple shockers, either in completed deals from out of nowhere or transfers that appear imminent only to collapse right before the crossing of the final T. Real Madrid’s failed attempted to buy David de Gea from Manchester United is one of the latter, and what a…

David Moyes, On What We All Saw Coming: "I Really Didn't See It Coming"

Former Manchester United manager, laughingstock, and amateur golfer David Moyes has stayed pretty quiet since getting canned before last season's end. (Publically, at least. Don't come at him sideways at a wine bar.) Today, he spoke to the Guardian, expressing a frankly unbelievable level of naiveté about his sacking.

Looks Like The Manchester United Traveling Circus Might Really Happen

During the latter stages of last season, there were rumors that United might partake in a tour of the Middle East and Asia during the missing midweek Champions League fixtures that otherwise would've filled the schedule and coffers. It was funny enough to mention in passing, but too outlandish to be taken seriously.…

Advertisement

Manchester United Dominate Leicester, End Up Getting Blown Out

You see that little guy up there? That's Filbert the Fox, Leicester City's mascot. Don't worry, he's feeling great. Though his club hosted the rich and famous Manchester United today, his boys managed to take down the giants. Those aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of mockery, directed at the section of United…