Since it's my final post of the day and I've already shit all over the Big Ten, Auburn fans, Tim Tebow and Nick Saban, allow me to share a heart-warming little story with you fine folks, a story I'll call, "The Best Job a Sports Fan Could Ever Have."

Back in what seems like another life, before I moved to New York and was still living in Baton Rouge, I received a call one day from a friend of mine who worked in the sports information department at LSU. He called to ask if I'd like to work for ESPN on the sideline of LSU football home games as a parabolic microphone operator. He said that the network usually hired four locals for freelance work whenever they came to town to broadcast a game and one of the guys who always did it in the past had moved out of town, so there was an opening and he thought I'd be good for it. Naturally, I jumped at the chance, so he put me in touch with some producer or whatever and I was hired over the phone. For the first two years of the Saban regime at LSU I was ESPN's guy (for $200 a game) on the sideline in Tiger Stadium on the south end zone side of the LSU sideline. It was pure heaven. Sadly, I had to give it up when I moved to the northeast. That was sort of tragic, but alas...

Now, if you're unfamiliar with the terminology, the parabolic mic guy is the person you'll often see on the sidelines holding something that looks like a small satellite dish at chest level. The mic is used to pick up many of the sounds you hear during the broadcast of a game: a quarterback calling plays under center, helmets crashing together, etc. The device itself is nothing short of amazing, as you can literally aim it into a crowd of 90,000 people and listen to individual conversations hundreds of feet away, not to mention hearing everything being said on the field and sidelines. So yeah, this gig was quite stellar...imagine not only getting to watch most of your favorite college team's home games from the sidelines AND getting to hear pretty much anything you wanted to hear on the field on top of it. Over the course of the two seasons I did this "job," I learned a number of things. I'll share a few of them with you now:

-Nick Saban has the most vulgar mouth I've ever heard over the course of my life. Now, I pride myself on being a bit of a vulgarian, so I'm not easily shocked by such things, but Saban's use of profanity on the sideline was just over the top. I've been called many things by coaches and I've heard coaches call athletes many things, but I don't think I've ever heard a coach call one of his own players a "cunt" until I heard it come from Saban.

-ESPN is hyper-sensitive to the theft of their apparel. For every game, each of us parabolic mic guys were outfitted with an ESPN vest and we were told we would face harsh consequences up to and including termination if the vests weren't turned back in immediately following the games. It became kind of a running joke between me and the other parabolic mic guys that they were more concerned about the stupid fucking vests than they were for the expensive sound equipment we roamed the sidelines with while monstrous young men crashed all around us.

-Fred Smoot is a trash-talker of epic proportions. Seriously, some of the stuff that came out of Smoot's mouth when he was at Missisippi State was just awe-inspiring. It almost seemed as though he hired a private detective to do background research on all of LSU's wideouts prior to playing them. He was well-informed and his delivery and timing were impeccable. Fred Smoot is the man.

-Former ESPN sideline reporter Adrian Karsten, who committed suicide in 2005 after being convicted for tax evasion, was a massive prick who was almost universally loathed by everyone, players, coaches, and ESPN personnel. I know it's frowned upon to speak ill of the dead but the guy was just an insufferable asshole. God forbid anyone blocked his sightline or stepped on his cord. And now we have Erin Andrews! Why was she not around back then? And on the subject of sideline reporters, Michelle Tafoya is a delightful sweetheart. I still have a slight crush on her.

-Old Cajun ladies who get drunk at football games will often thumb through game programs and speculate on the cock sizes of college athletes. I know this from the many halftimes I spent scanning the crowd for interesting conversations. And now you know.

Anyway, it's been a fun Saturday and below is a funny video of animals competing at sports to make it even fun-er. Enjoy and have a great Saturday night. I'm off to watch the LSU/Vandy game. Geaux Tigers!

Sadly, the Tigers did not remain "undeated," as they fell to those pesky Longhorns 5-1 last night behind freshman pitcher Taylor Jungmann's 9-inning tossing clinic. Game 3 is tonight at 7:30 to determine which team will be crowned the kings of Omaha, Nebraska.

Regardless of what team wins, I think this guy should be invited to any post-game celebration.:

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Good morning. It's Wednesday, which means there will be free bagels at Gawker HQ today. Hobo humpin'.

This LSU coed sure does love Trent Richardson, whoever the hell that is. I assume she's referring to the basketball team's coach Trent Johnson. Her affections played no role in the outcome of the game as LSU fell 80-70 to Xavier. Marcus Thornton scored 30 in a losing effort. Update: Apparently Trent Richardson, a football recruit from Pensacola, Florida, was in the building for his official visit to the school. So I guess the fan wasn't professing her love for the team's basketball coach, but instead for a high school running back who is technically committed to Alabama. So yes, still very much a football town, and I'm still an idiot.

Elsewhere third ranked UConn snapped Notre Dame's 45 game home winning streak to move to 18-1, while fifth ranked Oklahoma got past 23rd ranked Baylor behind 20 and 17 from Blake Griffin. UCLA was the only other top 25 team to lose having gone down on the road in Washington.

Saban took the Bama job the day LSU played in the 2007 Sugar Bowl, and signs such as "Saban is a D-Bag" popped up in the French Quarter. Back in Miami, the coach was speaking to reporters off the record. He repeated a story a friend, who Saban said happened to be on LSU's board of trustees, told him—a story that ended up taped and played on the radio a few weeks later. Here it is: "He was walking down the street yesterday before the Sugar Bowl. He calls me. There was a guy working in the ditch, one of those coonass guys that talk funny. I can't talk like them, but he can. Most people in Louisiana can. He says, 'Hey, you see where Coach Saban signed up with Alabama?' You know, however they talk. And the board of trustees guy says, 'Yeah I saw that,' and he says, 'That son of a b—, I feel like he's f— my wife.'"

It didn't matter that Saban was trying to be funny, or that a lot of people use the word coonass. A segment of LSU fans heard ditch-digging coonass and saw red. "Cajun people are proud," Ragoo explains. "When they perceive that you're putting them down and making fun of them, they become focused and galvanized about kicking your ass."

The thing people don't get about SEC fans? Even the ones who can correctly use the word galvanized after downing a bottle of Jack want Saban dead. This game is going to be ugly and beautiful at the same time. Like a gang bang starring Pam Oliver.

Hating Nick Saban [ESPN]

Ohio State (-11) at Northwestern- Who's rooting harder for Ohio State to finish the rest of the season without a blemish than Penn State fans? The answer is no one. Back in 2004 Northwestern upset Ohio State. Fresh off their road upset of Minnesota can Northwestern pull off another shocker? A noon kickoff probably helps. But having intelligent football players probably hurts. Damn.

Georgia Tech at North Carolina (-4)- The ACC is a swamp of mediocrity. Every team in the Coastal Dvision of the ACC already has two losses. The loser of this game will definitely be eliminated from contention. I think. But who really knows? A win and UNC has their first winning season since 2001. Tech's quarterback, Josh Nesbitt, may not be able to play. Enjoy.

Alabama (-3.5) at LSU- - Coming soon, a congressional inquiry into how LSU fans are capable of figuring out football player's cell phone numbers. Two weeks ago Knowshon and Stafford responded to their cell phone numbers being leaked with their best games of the season? Can JPW do the same? Who knows? Better question, how many people in Alabama commit suicide if Bama loses to LSU and then finds a way to lose to an awful Auburn team for the 7th year in a row, meaning they don't even win the SEC West. Over/under is 15. Including the always eloquent Cowboy.

Kansas State at Missouri (-27.5)- The over/under on this game opened at 74. That's truly unbelievable. Well, that and the fact that everyone has written off Missouri as a factor in the national scene. Am I the only one who sees Missouri upsetting the Big 12 South winner in the Big 12 title game? Yeah? Oh well.

Florida (-24) at Vandy- Since losing to Ole Miss 31-30 Florida has outscored their past four SEC opponents 201-43. Included were two top ten wins over Georgia and LSU. That's an average of 50-10. Now they get Vandy. A team that scored 7 points against Duke to lose their third consecutive game. This is going to be incredibly ugly. It's a good thing ESPN picked up this game for national broadcast.

Penn State (-7) at Iowa- Can Penn State stop Iowa's tailback Shon Greene from running? If so, they'll blow Iowa out. If they can't, this game might give Joe Paterno heartburn. That's provided, of course, that he actually realizes what the stakes are for his team that remains slotted at BCS #3. Earlier this week Paterno was confused whether it was BCS or BSC. This is Penn State's last road game.

Arizona (-41) at Washington State- In their last two games Washington State has been outscored 127-0. That's bad. What's worse? In their last five games WSU has been outscored 284-30. WSU's defense averages giving up 49.4 points a game. Is there any doubt that the Washington-Washington State game is going to be the most futile "rivalry" game in the country this year? 1-10 vs. 0-10. I can't wait.

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech (-3)- If you don't really have a rooting interest, don't you have to favor Mike Leach in the BCS Title game? Most coaches are circumspect and reserved. Leach is an insane lawyer who graduated from Pepperdine and, wife and child in tow, took a coaching job for $7,000 a year . By the way, if you haven't read Michael Lewis's profile piece on Leach from three years ago in the New York Times, now is the time to do it. One of the best profiles I've ever read. Sample line: Each off-season, Leach picks something he is curious about and learns as much as he can about it: Geronimo, Daniel Boone, whales, chimpanzees, grizzly bears, Jackson Pollock.

Cal at USC (-22)- Do you ever get the feeling that no matter how much the linemaker installs USC as favorites by the line is going to move higher? And USC is still going to find a way to cover. I'm picturing some sallow-skinned man sitting in front of a bank of computers slowly pulling out his red hair while game film of Pete Carroll strutting down the sideline plays on a constant loop. Yep, it just happened again. USC opened as 17 point favorites and now they're up to 22.

1. Texas eliminated Missouri from the national stage on Saturday. The Horns were up 35-3 at the half and all those Missouri fans who were convinced that Texas might have a figurative hangover after Oklahoma were busy wondering if Chase Daniel was literally hungover. Three weeks ago I anointed Daniel the Heisman Trophy winner. Maybe that was a bit premature. Now everyone knows Colt McCoy is going to win it. Which probably means he won’t. The void in the Heisman race this year is gargantuan.

2. Maryland beat Wake Forest 26-0. If there is a less consistent team in America than Maryland, I haven’t seen them play all year. Lose to UVA by 31 when you’re favored by 14, beat a top 25 Cal team that you’re double digit underdogs to, lose to Middle Tennessee State by 10, and now bounce back from being shutout to shutout the top team in the ACC. There are no words. I’m picturing a bleary-eyed Ralph Friedgen sitting in front of film from this season’s games,Twinkies flying over his shoulder at warp speed, saying over and over again, “If I just watch long enough it will all make sense.” No, it won’t Coach. It never will.

3. With 6:46 remaining in the third quarter Penn State was tied at 17 with Michigan. Nittany Lions fans were starting to wonder if they were going to find a way to lose to the worst Michigan football team in the history of the university and then they scored 29 consecutive points and covered the huge spread. Am I the only person who pictures Joe Pa giving the Russell Crowe Gladiator speech during a television commercial break? Via the sideline phone no less. How much would you pay to hear Joe Pa say, “At my signal, unleash hell.”

(It takes a while but the best single line of moviedom in the past ten years will come up eventually. Damn copyright lawyers ruining clips for the rest of us.)

4. Georgia outlasts Vandy 24-14. This game was ugly. And I know because I was nauseous and attempting to take a nap while watching this game from my car on Saturday afternoon. Earlier I’d spent the day touring the Thomas Wolfe home in Asheville. Don’t ask. But isn’t it amazing how teams can drop off the national radar so fast? Georgia is number 7 in the BCS standings and you’d think they’ve lost three games already. That will probably change beginning this weekend at LSU, but still, how have they disappeared so quickly?

In case you're wondering how the Gators are getting ready for the Cocktail Party, here's a rap about the awesomeness of beards from Gainesville. Every time I want to hate Florida fans, they go and pull off something amazing like this. Work your way through the opening half-minute and wait for the rap to begin. It's truly outstanding. As an added bonus watch for Joakim Noah, Al Horford, and Taurean Green to make cameos. Seriously.

5. On Friday Boise State beat Hawaii 32-7 to get to 6-0. Remember Boise State head coach Chris Petersen? You should. He’s about to become the hottest commodity among young head coaches in the country. Their only win by less than 13 was over Oregon at Oregon. They’re #15 in the country and will be favored to get to 12-0. Can they crash the BCS again? Oklahoma hopes not.

6. Texas Tech is 7-0 and still has played no one. Why can’t my team ever get a starting schedule like this to artificially inflate our expectations? But that’s all about to change. Starting this week Tech goes to Kansas (where they’ve opened as an early underdog), then they get Texas and Oklahoma State at home before a nice road trip to Oklahoma. Christ, is the negative karma from going to law school finally catching up with Mike Leach?

7. LSU proved they can win a big night game on the road. Unfortunately for them, this win means their home game against Georgia will now be an afternoon game for CBS. Somehow Les Miles will find a way to blame Matthew Stafford for this insult to the honor of the Bengal Tigers. Meaning I'm glad I'm not Matthew Stafford.

8. Remember how USC was favored by 43 on the road? Yeah, they covered by 26. 69-0 was the final. Washington State’s really clicking on all cylinders now. Can you imagine being a Washington State fan, putting money on your team, and then having to watch this debacle?

As if that weren't bad enough, word is the entire Washington State dance team fled Pullman to become Mark Sanchez's harem. Only Sanchez dropped them off in Sacramento because they weren't hot enough for LA.

9. Oklahoma's Sam Bradford threw for 468 yards against Kansas. What’s more, the Sooners put up 674 yards of total offense. How is that even possible with the new clock rules? Seriously, 674 yards. You’re thinking, they must have thrown the ball on every play. You’d be wrong. They passed 56 times, but they also ran the ball 44 times. Meaning they managed to run 100 offensive plays. The average team in college football is averaging about 64 this year. How did this happen? Especially because Kansas ran 72 plays themselves. It wasn’t like they turned the ball over on the first play every time. I have no idea how this game featured 172 plays. Anyway, Oklahoma won 45-31.

10. Ohio State eviscerated Michigan State. Meaning it might well be another twenty years before Michigan State gets to go back to the Rose Bowl. But they can still beat Michigan this weekend, right? State fans are kicking dirt clods outside their UP Winnebagos. Right? Meanwhile, Ohio State and Penn State decides the Rose Bowl for the Big Ten before November is even here.

11. UVA upset North Carolina in overtime. What if Al Groh won the ACC this year? Your world is spinning in reverse right now, isn’t it? UVA is now 2-1 in conference and has a chance to take over the Coastal Division lead with a game at Georgia Tech this weekend.

12. The first BCS standings are out. Texas and Alabama are in the top spots. Not for long. I personally guarantee a loss for Alabama this weekend in Knoxville. It’s happening. Write it down and remember who told you first. In fact, wager your life savings on the Alabama favored by 6 line. That worked very well for everyone who took my advice on Texas Tech-Nebraska. As a consolation prize in advance, this lovely Alabama girl has lost her top. Oh my. She must be cold.

Back when I wrote that I couldn’t wait to watch the BYU-TCU game, I meant it. Completely. But what I forgot was that I’d be on the road in a hotel room. I don’t know why it is but hotels have the most erratic cable channel selections known to man. If you’re anything like me you’ve found yourself lying on a bed, flipping through the channels, gradually getting more and more desperate as you realize that despite the fact you can buy a porn movie called, Ugly Chicks And Guys with Small Dicks (also known as the state of Ohio summed up in seven words) the hotel doesn’t carry something like ESPN 2. Back in 2004, I went to a friend’s wedding on the same day as UT at Ole Miss. (This was in the days back when my team was decent.) You haven’t seen anger until you’ve gone back to your hotel room and realized the hotel doesn’t carry ESPN 2. Unless, that is, you’ve ordered a porno movie for $14.99 and it’s soft core. So I was pretty much resigned to the fact that Versus wouldn’t be included in my cable’s television package. Then, miraculously, it was. So I got to watch BYU at TCU. And now we know that BYU is done for BCS purposes thanks to their 32-7 loss that was never close. Most amazing stat of the game? BYU rushed 28 times for 23 yards. That TCU run defense is unbelievable. So now we start the one-loss team handicapping. Because this year’s BCS Title Game isn’t going to feature any undefeated teams. Count on it. Here’s a breakdown of the 9 most interesting games coming up this weekend.

Georgia Tech (-2) at Clemson- This line moved from Clemson favored by 2 to Georgia Tech being favored by two after the Tommy Bowden firing. So does this mean Bowden’s brilliance is worth four points to Clemson? That would seem to be the case since nothing else changed. If so, the Tigers might as well cancel the rest of the season. By the way Mark Schlabach of ESPN.com pointed out to me the other day that Clemson is starting a student manager at right guard. How is this even possible?

Do you really blame Clemson’s C.J. Spiller for bailing on this game with a pulled hamstring? I don’t think I’d even bother returning to the team if I were him. He has nothing to gain. Just go ahead and put your name in the NFL Draft and see what happens.

Ohio State (-3) at Michigan State- Michigan State hasn’t beaten Ohio State since 1999 yet everywhere you look Michigan State fans are beating their chests, pissing on gray sweater vests, and bragging because they don’t go to Western Michigan. (Honestly, this might not be that different than usual.) Michigan State is quietly 3-0 in the Big Ten and hasn’t lost since their season opener at Cal on August 30th. If Michigan State can win this game then their season finale at Penn State will decide the Big Ten Championship. Book it. Which would be great for Michigan State fans since they haven’t been to the Rose Bowl since…1988. Wow.

Kansas at Oklahoma (-20)- Oklahoma rebounds from their loss to Texas by bringing in Mark Mangino and company. Kansas has been quietly winning since their only loss to South Florida on September 12. Given that they’re twenty point underdogs this has impressed no one. I don't even know what to write about this game either. So here's a picture of Mark Magino. Enjoy.

Southern Cal (-43) at Washington State- This line opened with USC favored by 42 on the road and went up. Up! People looked at this line and thought, I can get Washington State at home and 42 points or USC on the road effectively starting off down 42 points. And everyone went with USC. So now you get 43 points in a road game. This has to be the most a team will be favored by on the road this season, right?

What’s also ridiculous about this? USC is favored by 43, yet the over/under on this game is only 55.5. You might be asking yourself, how has Washington State’s defense done in the Pac-10 so far? They’ve given up 66, 63, 66 to Cal, Oregon, and Oregon State respectively. UCLA put up just 28. What about margin of defeat? They’ve lost by 63, 49, 25, and 53 in the Pac-10 this season. So, yeah, I think I’d take USC too.

Miss. State at Tennessee (-7.5)- The over/under on this game is 37. That’s insane for a college game, one of the lowest of the year. Sadly, I think I’d still take the under. I’m taking my 9 month old son to this game on Saturday at Neyland. This will be his first college football game. He’s really excited. Or not at all. I’m already worried about the damage to his football fan psyche that is likely to ensue from watching a game this bad.

(Tennessee's season in one succinct image. Courtesy of blogger Loser With Socks)

Michigan at Penn State (-25)- Penn State has only won once in their past ten against Michigan. Now they’re favored by 25. That spread offense is awesome. So revolutionary. Do you think there are Michigan fans right now who are wondering how in the world they kicked Lloyd Carr to the curb in exchange for this? I wish Rich Rod had signed on at Alabama back in 2006 instead of extorting West Virginia and ‘Bama ending up with Saban. I hate you Rich Rod.

Meanwhile, what do Wisconsin fans have to be thinking right now as they stare into the beginning of a long, dark winter? They gave up a 19 point halftime lead to this Michigan team. That boggles the mind. I get the feeling that Wisconsin still hasn’t recovered from that half. In moments of clarity so does Joe Paterno. Of course the other half of the time Paterno is just nervous that Kerry Collins and Ki-Jana Carter are going to end up getting screwed this year.

Leaving off Vandy-Georgia's on me. It was included in my original write-up but not cut and pasted in the article. Yeah, I fucked up cut and pasting, I suck.

Vandy at Georgia (-15)- This spread strikes me as entirely too high given the split games these two have played in the past two years. In fact, barring a fumble late in the fourth quarter Vandy might be 2-0 against the Dawgs the past two seasons.

Now that Bobby Johnson has announced he's going with McKenzi Adams the question becomes, can Vandy stay close enough to wait for the inevitable Dawg brain freeze and take advantage of it? I don't think so, but I do think the Dores keep it closer than 15. Chris Nickson's only consolation prize is he'll have a lot more time to stare at the cleavage in the Georgia student section. And trust me, that's a lot of cleavage. Also, if you get there earlier enough you may or may not be able to see up the skirts of Georgia coeds from field level.

Virginia Tech at Boston College (-3)- BC has to win this game to stay alive in the Atlantic Division race meanwhile Virginia Tech can open up a commanding lead in the Coastal Division. The teams split two games last year. Is there a more incongruous match-up of conference fans than Virginia Tech Hokie fans traveling to Boston for this game? I don’t think so.

LSU (-2) at South Carolina – Remember after he lost to Vandy when I said Steve Spurrier was irrelevant? He lost the next week to Georgia but he’s won 4 in a row since then. Including two SEC road games. Now LSU is coming to Columbia and we get to see whether or not LSU is truly any good this season. People have forgotten that LSU had to sneak by Auburn at Auburn for their first conference win. Other than that LSU hadn’t played anyone prior to the collapse at Florida. So how will they respond? The world waits with bated breath. And by world I mean Cajuns and people from South Carolina who hate Clemson.

Missouri at Texas (-7)- Yesterday I was at an art museum with my wife (I know, I know) and they had a display of classic photos of Babe Ruth. It’s no secret that Babe Ruth looks nothing like an athlete. But while I was looking at the Babe, I started to think that Missouri quarterback Chase Daniel is the Babe Ruth of this era. Chase Daniel is the only guy I can picture going out and hitting on girls at his college campus and girls not sleeping with him because they don’t really think that he’s really Chase Daniel. I bet he goes out with Warren Buffett just so the Oracle of Omaha can vouch for him and help him pull puss. Warren: "Oh, yes (chortle) this is the real Chase. Let me show you his cash flow potential as an NFL quarterback. (Pulls out cocktail napkin and draws dollar sign piercing a vagina)." Once this happens, he takes the gals back to his throne-bed and has sex while eating drumsticks. This is how chubby boys do it in Texas. Even when they move to Missouri.

(This picture is never going to get old.)

Meanwhile Colt McCoy’s parents have real balls. Because Colt is his middle name. His first name is Daniel. Daniel McCoy and you want to be the starting quarterback at Texas? Not happening. How much has the boldness of naming their son Colt paid off? If he’s Daniel McCoy he’s probably majoring in Human and Organizational Development at Southwest Texas State. True story, Colt McKoy was born in New Mexico. This so troubled his dad that he brought a shoe-box full of Texas dirt and put it underneath the hospital bed to ensure that his son was son was “born over Texas soil.” Now any sane man would give up their state of birth and six years of life to be Colt McCoy out in Austin for a weekend. Hook 'em.

1. Texas is your new consensus number one. Which will surprise a lot of people who haven't been paying attention to the season thus far because Texas lept all the way from number five to claim the top spot. One Shakespeare, William memorably summed up the college football universe by stating "uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." And in the current age of college football this is always applicable. But even more so for Texas. The Longhorns next three games? Missouri, Oklahoma State, and at Texas Tech. So in four consecutive weeks Texas plays the number 1 team (Oklahoma), the number 11 team in Missouri (who last week was number 3), the number 8 team in Oklahoma State, and the number 7 team in Texas Tech. What's that all mean? In one month, Texas plays 4 of the top 11 teams in the country. As if that weren't enough they still have number 16 Kansas hanging out there at the end of their schedule plus a Big 12 Title Game. If Texas wins all these games to get to 13-0 they shouldn't even have to play in the BCS Title Game.

2. What's even more important than losing? Everyone still thinking you're good after you've lost. That's the only way to explain how Florida is already back to number 5 in the country two weeks after a home loss to a below average SEC team in Ole Miss and how Oklahoma is still number 4 in the country after a loss to Texas on Saturday. Oklahoma's next four games are significantly easier than the schedule Texas faces. So if Texas loses one of these games does Oklahoma jump them in the polls or does Texas fall one or two slots only?

Meanwhile, it's looking as if Florida and Georgia will play an elimination game at the Cocktail Party. But if you're a Georgia fan don't you have to scratch you head about the polls now? You were ranked higher than Florida prior to your losses and lost to the number 2 team in the country. Florida lost to an unranked team with no other SEC wins. Both were home losses. Yet Florida is number 5 now and Georgia is number 10? I've argued that Georgia was overrated early in the season, but I don't see how anyone can justify Florida jumping six places after a win over LSU. Basically the Ole Miss loss is already being tossed aside as if it didn't happen. Why? Because the pollsters are all convinced Florida is that good. Even if they lost.

3. Four of the top 11 teams in the country are now in the Big 12 South. Meaning, for at least a season, the Big 12 South has eclipsed the SEC East as the toughest single division in college football. Here's a mess for you, what if Texas wins the South via a tiebreak over Oklahoma then loses the Big 12 Title to a two-loss Missouri team. It could easily happen. Then Oklahoma doesn't win their own division title and leapfrogs not only the conference champion but also the division champion to play for the BCS Title? Yeah, absurd.

4. The fevered dream of Northwestern and Vandy in the BCS title game went down to an untimely defeat with the Dores loss at Mississippi State and Northwestern's loss at home to Michigan State. Sing a sad song with me. I suggest Wonderwall.

5. Overheard from a player on the UT-Georgia sideline, "At least we're not Michigan losing at home to Toledo." Fortunately Toledo is not on the UT schedule this season.

6. Some of you took my lock advice Friday and laid money on Texas Tech as a 20 point favorite. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. As Deadspinner Jason emailed late on Saturday night, "You, sir, make a lousy financial advisor. I'm going to hire Ferdinand Williams to break your kneecaps."

(For those of you who don't know, Ferd Williams was a GW basketball player in the 1996 and 1997 season. Judging from his career shooting percentage, it's very likely he'd swing a hammer to break my kneecaps and instead hit himself in the lower lumbar region.)

7. One month ago I got several emails from people who were racist against the state of Utah about how ridiculous my hyping of the BYU-Utah game was. Still feel that way? BYU is up to number 8 in the Harris Poll. Anyone looking at the top ten and betting on an undefeated team emerging from the Big 6 conferences is a fool (or a Penn State fan since they have by far the best shot). Could an undefeated BYU with a top ten win over Utah on the final week of the regular season really not get a sniff at the BCS Title Game?

8. Mike Gundy has Oklahoma State as a player on the national scene. I have no idea what's going to come of this but it can only be good things. Prior to this you'll recall that Gundy is A.) a man and B. 40. Now he's also in the top ten. Does anyone else get the feeling that the interview process for head coaches at Oklahoma State doesn't even include words? Head coaching candidates just walk into the room, pull down their pants, and throw their gigantic balls on the AD's desk. That's the only way to explain how a school can follow up hiring Les Miles with Mike Gundy.

(Because this never gets old.)

9. Ohio State is not going to play for the national championship no matter what they do the rest of the season. They're still pegged in at number 12. There are 5 one loss teams ahead of them and 6 undefeated teams. In the Harris Interactive poll (which is the one that counts in the BCS), Ohio State actually fell to 13. Consider this the retroactive punishment for 2007 and 2008 losses. Come hell (the return of or high water (an 11-1 finish), Ohio State is not playing for the BCS title.

10. Which team has lost the most based upon an upset loss to a mediocre team? How about Virginia Tech? Beat rapidly fading East Carolina (they've lost three in a row) and worst-case scenerio they're number 4 in the country now. Ouch.

11. Finally, in case you missed the Miami-Central Florida game (which, to be fair, we all did), Central Florida brought their own versions of the Ibis to the house. Miami managed to survive the double-fingered bird salute and triumphed 20-14.

Texas v. Oklahoma (-6.5)- According to Texas fans Colt McCoy is the white Vince Young. Their stats are comparable but it's yet to be determined whether their big game heroics and sanity are equally similar. Although rumor has it that Colt has been rolling into Austin bars shirtless and swilling Patron for months. Make of this what you will.

Meanwhile Sam Bradford of Oklahoma has already thrown 18 touchdown passes. Seriously, 18. Colt only has 16. Both men have thrown 3 picks. So their combined touchdown to interception ratio is 34-6. This would be more impressive if either team had played a legit top 25 opponent yet. But they haven't.

Both the Texas and Oklahoma offenses average over 45 points a game while each is giving up less than two touchdowns. In a stroke of mathematical precision that has yet to be noted by anyone in either Texas or Oklahoma both teams average margin of victory is 35.8. So something has got to give. (Brent Musberger made himself a legend by intoning the previous cliche with the proper measure of respect.) Just be careful, this game is set for 12 eastern. Set the damn alarm.

South Carolina (-3) at Kentucky- It's rare you see a line move four points. This one has. After opening as one-point favorites the Cats now find themselves three-point home dogs. I have no idea what this signifies. Except somehow I think Stephen Garcia is behind the magically moving line. I'm expecting him to go all Achilles on us and decapitate Kentucky's quarterback Mike Hartline during warm-ups. Word is he blames Hartline for killing Patroclus. Remember where you heard it first. Unless you're a police officer then...ha...lucky guess.

Nebraska at Texas Tech (-20)- It's even rarer I give gambling advice, but right now take all of the money that you've got left in stocks, cash out (go ahead and take your tax losses), and put it on Texas Tech to cover the 20 point line. Seriously, do it. Nebraska has the defense of a southern Theta at a Dave Matthews concert. Which is to say none. Back the truck up at the sports book. Do it now. Do it. (Not that you still subscribe to peer pressure anymore but if you don't do this then I'm telling everyone that you slept with special sheets to keep your mattress from getting soaked when you still wet your bed at the age of 16.)

(Mike Leach will make you one rich ass dude. Trust me.)

Tennessee at Georgia (-12)-- As you're reading this I'm somewhere in the backwoods of Georgia on the Tennessee team bus. If the Vols allow a punt return for a touchdown you'll probably be able to hear me squealing on the television contest. In what might be a Deadspin first, email me if you're driving back from Athens to Nashville. I don't have a ride home since the team is returning home via plane. This is not a joke.

Oklahoma State at Missouri (-14)- This is one of three games that Missouri could potentially lose in the regular season. The other two are at Texas and against Kansas on the final week. They probably won't lose this game but it should be entertaining as hell. Oklahoma State's under the radar. If they can score in the 40's, they won't be after this weekend. Regardless, Chase Daniel and Warren Buffet's album is so going platinum when it drops next week.

Arkansas at Auburn (-17)- How bad is Arkansas? Auburn hasn't scored more than two offensive touchdowns in the SEC this year and they just fired their offensive coordinator, yet they're favored by 17. I'm really just mentioning this game so I can link Tony Franklin clearing out his office. Which they filmed in Alabama. Well, of course they did.

Penn State (-5.5) at Wisconsin- Sooner or later Wisconsin's fans are going to turn on the band and blame their sexual misconduct for all the team's misfortune. But that's in the future. Six quarters ago Wisconsin fans believed they were headed to the Rose Bowl. Now, they're just hoping not to end up in the Motor City Bowl. Yeah, the college football tides turn in a hurry.

Meanwhile this is game 2 of Penn State's march to the BCS Title game. Win and it's looking like their road game at Ohio State will decide the Big Ten title. Lose...and it's still looking like their road game at Ohio State will decide the Big Ten title.

LSU at Florida (-6)- Just once I'd like to see the world through Les Miles colored glasses. Nothing in life is uncertain to Les Miles. He's the least doubting man in America. As a consequence he's fearless. That's the only way to explain his success. Hemingway said, "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at broken places." I disagree, the world has never broken Les Miles. And it never will.

Conversely, the world breaks Tim Tebow after every game. He cries, he mopes, he swears fealty to an angry God. Last year LSU fans got Tebow's phone number, this year, they're gunning for his football life. Which they cleverly informed the referees. Meaning LSU gets flagged for at least two late hits in the first half. The resulting points from those drives will probably be enough to make a difference.

LSU fans keep emailing me saying, "When are you going to link our quarterback playing beer pong?" That's what's great about LSU fans. Other teams (cough, Notre Dame, cough) are outraged by their quarterback engaging in a little Beer Olympics, LSU fans are just upset that their quarterback isn't playing beer pong with whiskey and that there aren't hot girls in the photo playing alongside Lee. Undoubtedly that's because the winsome lasses of Baton Rouge are at the other end of the table "distracting" Lee by bending over and showing their cleavage as he attempts to throw. Last year Lee was a redshirt freshman behind Mike Flynn and the batshit crazy Ryan Perrilloux, now he's a beer pong all-star treating sorority houses as a 24-hour buffet.

Laissez les bon temps roulet Jarrett Lee, laissez les bon temps roulet.

Beirut or beer pong, either way, great game [The Big Lead]

a. Guard Ramon Foster picks up his arm to turn around and try to hear what audible Jonathan Crompton is calling. My best guess as to this audible? Watch me throw it really hard into the ground.

b. Tennessee kicks to Brandon James allowing him to return a punt for a touchdown against us for the third consecutive season. (The 2006 return was negated by a phantom block in the back call). Think about how amazing this is. Next year he’s going to become the first player in history to return a punt for a touchdown in four consecutive seasons.

c. Jonathan Crompton decides to run for it on 3rd and 21 after facing modest pressure.

d. Despite there being no one lined up over the center (meaning even I could have scored from one yard out on the quarterback sneak) Crompton goes play-action.

e. The Arian Foster fumble montage aired by CBS. I got more emails about this than anything.

Also, after his third quarter touchdown to Percy Harvin, Florida had outscored UT 58-0 since the third quarter of last year's game. And I'd seen all those points in person. This is no rivalry anymore. Here’s a round-up of 11 other notable things in college football this week after the jump:

1. Scene: Knoxville bar on Thursday night. Guy in West Virginia baseball cap has his back turned to the game during overtime of the Colorado game that his team would lose 17-14. Leaving aside the questionable decision to roll solo to a bar for a game night, how are you actually clad in team gear and not watching while your team is in overtime? Anyway, good hire on Bill Stewart. The guy knows his clapping.

2. The Terrelle Pryor Experience has officially begun. Four touchdown passes and 66 yards running in the 28-10 win over Troy. Are Ohio State fans starting to do the BCS math on 11-1? Former starting quarterback Todd Boeckman ran two plays and was booed mercilessly by the crowd. Prompting this response from defensive lineman Lawrence Wilson:"Hey, we're just kids. We're not professionals. There's no way that adults should treat us that way." News flash, you’re also adults. People younger than you get killed in Iraq every day. But at least no one boos them.

3. Wake Forest over Florida State for the third consecutive year. Third. Think about this, prior to the 2006 season what odds could you have gotten that Wake was going to be beat FSU three times in a row (and twice at Doak-Campbell)? Would there have even been a line? What if you’d shown up at a Vegas casino with a truck of cash and asked them to come up with the odds for you? You’d own the Strip now. In other news, FSU still sucks at quarterback. This level of futility is mind-boggling. Year after year FSU knows they suck at quarterback, everyone (including dozens of blue-chip quarterbacks) know they suck at quarterback, and yet nothing is changing. Chris Weinke is going to end up with a bronze statue outside the stadium soon.

4. Charlie Weis and Notre Dame took a beating from Michigan State. In the process, the horribly named Laptopgate arose because Notre Dame had a laptop in the press box. Fortunately Charlie Weis shot down the problems with that. "The last thing I ever want to do is lie," he told the AP. Of course, why would we ever think otherwise?

5. Vandy is in the top 25 for the first time since 1984 after a 20-17 road win over Ole Miss. No one saw this game because it wasn’t televised anywhere but it featured the inexplicable (a fumble into the end zone as Ole Miss prepared to score and take the lead), as well as four picks from Jevan Snead and a winning team that put up half the offensive output as the losing team. Regardless, the Vandy win has some Auburn fans saying they’re more scored of the ‘Dores in two weeks than they are UT next week. This is ominous. What’s best of all for Vandy about the timing of their ranking? They have a bye week this week so they’ll be ranked for two consecutive weeks. Meaning they’ll set a new record since the 1984 ranking only lasted for a single week. There hasn't been partying like this on campus since the AP test results came back. A 4 in English Composition. Score!

6. Miami stomped Texas A&M 41-23. Admit it, you didn’t know this game was happening either, did you? Miami is still floating under the radar, but I think there’s a decent argument to be made that Randy Shannon has got them on the way back up. As for A&M? Wow. Things aren’t turning so quick. Maybe that two-day coaching search was a bit abrupt?

7. Oregon goes down to Boise State 37-32 meaning USC is already the only remaining unbeaten Pac-10 team. I have lots of Pac-10 readers at Oregon. This makes perfect sense. So, soon after Brandon James’ punt-return for a touchdown, I get this text message, “It could be worse, you could be losing to Boise State.” I think my situation is worse. I’d rather lose to Boise State once than have Brandon James return a punt for a touchdown against my team for the third consecutive year.

8. UCLA’s continuing demise. For two weeks the question was whether UCLA was good or UT was bad. The latter has been confirmed. Since the UT win UCLA has been outscored 90-10: 59-0 by BYU and 31-10 by Arizona. This means UCLA is almost more painful than the Florida loss. Almost.

9. The Big 12’s top teams continue to avoid one another and all remain in the top 10. Texas Tech puts on a 56-14 beat down of UMass. (This would have been a better basketball game. Maybe.) Texas beats Rice 52-10, Missouri beats Buffalo 42-21, and Oklahoma has a bye week. In the Missouri game Chase Daniel completed 20 straight en route to 439 yards passing. Yet, every time I see him, Daniel looks fatter. You too, right? He’s definitely gorging on giant drum sticks. I picture him living in an old house off campus with only one large room. It’s just got a giant chair-throne in the shape of an M that also doubles as a bed. He has a remote control that raises him up to eat and then lowers him back down when the groupies arrive to service him. Occasionally he has sex while eating the giant drum stick.

So it’s probably fortunate that Missouri doesn’t get Oklahoma or Texas Tech on the regular season schedule this year. If they can both get past the Texas game (Oklahoma also gets Texas Tech), it really looks like a Big 12 title game between Missouri and Oklahoma could be a match-up of undefeated teams. At least the Big 12 has a title game. If this was the Big Ten and the teams didn’t play we’d all be subjected to a month’s worth of Herbstreit telling us why the two teams should be given co-national titles without playing.

10.The best game of the day was LSU-Auburn. LSU comes from down 14-3 at the half to win 26-21 on the road against one of the best defenses in the country. Meaning that, at times, it remains more important to have a confident coach than an intelligent coach. Credit to Les Miles for dialing up the trick play score and the ballsy (as if that’s a surprise by now) late touchdown pass on the final drive (although not nearly as late this year).

Question for ESPN: Why did we need shot after shot of a clearly disoriented Andrew Hatch on the sideline? Yeah, it sucks he had a concussion, but this was borderline making fun of his injury. Imagine if someone had a hurt knee, would they keep showing him sitting on crutches while making fun of the fact that his leg wasn’t working? Why do that with Hatch when a head injury is clearly much more dangerous than a leg or arm injury would be?

Credit to redshirt freshman Jarrett Lee bouncing back from the worst interception of the year to lead LSU on the comeback. After he threw the first pick, there was zero faith among LSU fans that he could seal the deal after the Hatch injury. Well done by Lee. I can’t help but think that Miles being insanely confident rubs off on his team. Sometimes insane confidence is better than intelligence. Just ask George W. Bush.

11. There are six non-BCS teams ranked in the top 25. Three from the Mountain West (BYU, Utah, and TCU.) If anyone but USC wins the Pac-10, the Mountain West should take out a newspaper ad on the west coast and proclaim their top team the Pac-10 champion as well. East Carolina hung in despite finding a way to lose to N.C. State and Boise State joined Fresno State, who survived after their crazy overtime win, in the top 25.

The annual Auburn-LSU showdown lived up to the hype last night, as redshirt freshman QB Jarrett Lee found Brandon LaFell with an 18-yard touchdown pass with just over a minute remaining. That strike proved to be the difference, as the sixth ranked Tigers pulled out a tough road win, and now have dreams of a national title dancing inside Les Miles's dome.

The win by LSU snapped Auburn’s streak of six straight victories at Jordan-Hare Stadium against Top 10 teams.

With the winner of the Auburn-LSU game having gone on to take the SEC West title in six of the past eight seasons, this was obviously a biggie.

"We have all seen Jarrett throw and play, and just getting him comfortable on the field and with the calls – that was really the issue," Miles said Saturday night. "You watch him out there and you could see that he was having a lot of fun. He certainly plays and enjoyed the competitive times."

LSU didn't just use an aerial assault to win, their running game was on point as well. Charles Scott, the 233-pound running back, bruised Auburn defenders as he rushed for 132 yards. Scott became the first LSU back to gain over 100 yards in Auburn's house.

Saturday night's other big winners: Fresno St, Georgia, Texas, Wake Forest, Texas Tech, Utah, Boise St., Florida, and Michigan State (in spite of Charlie Weis and his laptop).

(Quick reminder: Send any and all tips here. 'Preciate it.)

Dear Auburn Student,
I wanted to remind each of you about the importance of your support for our team and displaying character this weekend when L.S.U. fans and other guests arrive this weekend. First, please join me by agreeing to demonstrate your support for, and not criticism of, our football team. That means no booing! Remember, the team isn't trying to lose the game—the players work hard all spring and during fall camp to be ready to compete in the S.E.C. Let's show our appreciation for their hard work by encouraging them with loads enthusiasm! Secondly, help me show the world what I get to experience everyday: that Auburn men and women are special, dedicated, loyal, fun loving, bleed orange and blue, are compassionate, and demonstrate good will to others, even our competitors.

ESPN Game Day will be in town this weekend and we need everyone to come out and show them how much we support our team. Let's show Chris Fowler, Kirk Hebstreit, Lee Corso and Desmond Howard true fan support and loyalty for Auburn!

The nation will be watching the next two weeks (ESPN, CBS next week), and lets remember to have a great time, enjoy the weekend's activities, watch our language and behavior, and display class, taste, and character in everything we do. I have every confidence you will.

War Eagle!!

Dr. Johnny Green, '85
Office of the Dean of
Students
Suite 3248
Auburn University Student Center
Auburn Univ., AL 36849
Phone: 334-844-1304
greenjr@auburn.edu

Oh, and LSU fans should probably heed this warning as well since many of them will be in attendance this weekend. Let's keep this SEC rivalry on the up-and-up. Again, no booing.

Just one step away from the top 5 comes the mad genius that is Les Miles and his national champion Tigers. Today's preview is brought to you by Cajun Boy in the City. Included in his preview is a picture of an LSU girl that will make you want to cry and immediately move to Baton Rouge. Or at least give you pleasant dreams when you head home from the bar alone.

In 331 A.D., The Seventh Day Adventist Church of Constantinople printed fifty bibles, in which some significant editing of the book of Genesis was done at the behest of the Emperor Constantine (massive bag of douche by the way), for he feared the usurpation of his power in the event of an uprising by the peasantry, which was sure to take place had they attained knowledge of the leader of men that God himself had made for the world. The following is what was edited out...

At the end of the sixth day, saving his most important work for last, God created a man. This man wasn't like any other man, which God created in his likeness, no, this man was different. Different in that God formed him in the image of what he aspired to be. God equipped the man with a thick, elongated, and bulbous skull, a shape of cranium that would make him appear strikingly mongoloidish when adorned with any hat emblazoned with the letters L, S, and U, better for him to be underestimated by. Most importantly, this skull would serve to protect the precious cargo housed inside of it; a wee but efficient lump of mush built specifically to analyze and process complex gridiron data in mere nanoseconds, all the better to make snap judgments that often seem monumentally dipshit-y on the surface in their moments in time, but judgments that ultimately prevail gloriously each and every time they're made. Finally, God also gave this man a set of cyclopean nuts that would incite envy in any prehistoric hoofed mammal. God said, "Go forth and dominate the Gators of Gainesville, the Cocks of Carolina, and whatever abhorrent alliances shall attempt to rise up out of the anus of humanity that is Alabama." He then said, "His name shall be Leslie."

God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good. It was evening and it was morning, the sixth day. He then cracked open an ice cold Abita Amber, and then proceeded to jerk off into golden chalice, a golden chalice with purple trim.

Fast forward to 2008 where God and his masterpiece communicate regularly, via instant messenger, of course. They spoke this morning about the upcoming LSU football season. Here is a transcript of that conversation...

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: You there homie?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: ????????????????

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: HEEELLLLLOOOO!

fearthehat: Hey...yeah...I'm here. Sorry bout that. Had to take care of a nuisance outside Tiger Stadium.

fearthehat: So what's on your mind pops?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Well, a lot of people down there are hittin' up the prayer line asking questions about your squad. People are worried Les, what with you kicking Ryan Perrilloux off the team and all.

fearthehat: Fuck Perrilloux! His weed sucked anyway.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: But what are you gonna do at quarterback Les?

fearthehat: Well we've got a transfer from Harvard named Andrew Hatch, he's one of them smart assholes, and a redshirt freshman named Jarrett Lee.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: But Les, aren't you worried? Neither one of those guys has been in any sort of intense situation on the D-1 level, much less ventured into The Swamp.

fearthehat: Hell no I'm not worried old man. We've got so many studs on offense, shit, I could put Audrina from The Fucking Hills under center and it wouldn't make a lick of difference.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: You're right, you guys are certainly stacked.

fearthehat: Damn straight we're stacked. In the backfield we've got Charles Scott, Keiland Williams, Richard Murphy, and Trindon Holliday. Any of those guys could rush for 1000 yards if they were stupid enough to go to some piss-pit like Ole Miss where they'd start right away.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: And you're pretty stacked at receiver too. You've got Brandon Lafell, Demetrius Byrd, Terrance Tolliver and Chris Mitchell.

fearthehat: That's what I'm saying. And don't even get me started on the defense. We've got Ricky Jean-Francois coming back. Ricky. Jean. Francois. Can you even make up a better name for a LSU football player? FUCK NO!

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: You have no weaknesses?

fearthehat: The only weakness this team has is getting distracted by all the ass in south Louisiana. The guys in the locker room tell me that Cajun girls have vaginas tighter than Hungarian rat traps, and that sticking your dick inside of one is like sticking in a vat of hot butter. Shit'll make you crazy.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Ah yes, Cajun girls. Saucy little tarts. And they can cook too!

fearthehat: So give me some dirt on some of the other coaches in the SEC pops. I won't tell anyone, I swear I won't. Go ahead, tell me, Tuberville's a kid fucker ain't he?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: True. Little Laotian boys to be precise.

fearthehat: What about Urban Meyer? That asshole just looks like a sick perv.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Diaper Pail Friends member.

fearthehat: What the fuck is that?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Google it. :)

fearthehat: One other question pops...those Florida bloggers that are always picking on me, Shanoff and Swindle, they jerk off to Tim Tebow's YouTube clips, don't they?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: In tandem. Via iChat. They watch each other. And then they Twitter it. And then they argue over IM about whose load of baby batter would most make Tebow proud.

fearthehat: Figured as much. Now let me run, I gotta get back to cooking up something special for that twatwaffle kid from Auburn who tried to take out Dorsey's knee last year. Remember him?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Chaz Ramsey. He's Kige Ramsey's cousin you know?

fearthehat: Who the fuck is Kige Ramsey?

Per the Advocate:

“Ben Miles is all over Snoop’s stuff,” Miles said.

“I found every guy around him is a former coach or player, and he runs a league of youth football and provides opportunities for young people.

“I defend his music, and am much more a fan of the person.”

Miles than announced that he and Snoop Dogg were going to look for boobies. Before turning tearful and remarking, "If only Ryan Perrilloux were still here today, none of your chronic would go to waste."

Update: Do yourself a favor and check out the video introductions on the same page. Miles raps. Honestly, this is Heaven sent.

Miles, Snoop Dogg share spotlight [2theadvocate.com]

Indeed, people were backing this scrappy underdog, with their 5.0 40 kick returners and 250 pound tackles. When Chris Wells broke free for the end zone in the game's first minute people were pleased. Of course it was only a matter of time before the school who's state leads the union in per capita NFL products made tears come out of that creepy Buckeye thing.

Ricky Jean-Francois (that's my ferret's name!) was named the defensive player of the game despite not playing all season. Matt Flynn's 4 touchdowns were good for the MVP. He looks forward to a long career as a roofer or real estate salesman depending on how much he drinks. LSU wins 38-24.

This has been The Maj, reporting from his couch.

Several alternatives are out there, like playing on LSU's campus in Baton Rouge or even at the Texans' Reliant Stadium, which doesn't seem to make sense but certainly made for some good PR for the Houston Texans. The last time a team played a whole season away from home was the 2002 Chicago Bears, who played at Illinois' Memorial Stadium in Champaign. That team had a terrible season, but at least they didn't need water wings.

Baton Rouge May Open Doors To The Saints [USA Today]
Reliant Makes Offer To Host Saints [Houston Chronicle]