It's a curious choice that Electronic Arts would hold its 20th anniversary Madden release hoopla in Los Angeles, given a number of factors, the most obvious being the city's reputation for not being the most receptive to professional football. Another salient one is the proximity to the movie and television industry, which many pundits will tell you is just years away from being throughly outstripped by the video game bidness. So to see the publicity machine of traditional broadcast media backing - or at least latching onto - a video game is a very interesting sight to behold and one I got to observe in various degrees of intoxication during a recent trip to the Left Coast for Maddenpalooza.

Because it's L.A., the Palooza was split into two events: a launch party at the Rose Bowl on Monday and a pre-launch party at a trendy steakhouse in West Hollywood last Thursday. Still waiting on that after-launch party.

Having not shed all of my print journalism punctuality, I arrived early even for the media check-in on Thursday, watching the marketing and PR people flit about the red carpet/take-my-picture-in-front-of-the-big-placard area. I will say the one thing I miss about my days at WaPo was the way PR people fell over themselves trying to accommodate you because you worked for Big Nationally Known Publication. Online writers might as well be staggering in from the muck, like there's anything wrong with the muck.

I waited around for an hour, just long enough for my legs to get tired and my stomach to press for free food. But I was awarded, for then the stars did come out. Let's see: there was some hot coquettish girl who's apparently on Nip/Tuck, this dude from some reality show, an actor who I think was one of Eric's friends on Boy Meets World and, hey, Masa Oki. Molto celestial.

A huge bus bearing the Cowboys logo stopped in front of the restaurant momentarily and things start to look up. Dallas holds camp in California. Some Cowboys could be here. Better yet, some Cowboys cheerleaders could be here. I could be on Hard Knocks! Sadly, no Wade or Jerry or T.O. or anyone with boobie tassles emerges. The bus takes off, to be followed by the arrival of a guy who looks like Al Snow pulling up in a Lamborghini. This does not bode well.

A young fat Samoan guy in a Tar Heels hat nearby cracks a joke and finally I've found someone else who doesn't give a shit about this pre-party rigmarole. The Samoan guy is the first person I've talked to at the event who's genuinely excited about trying the game for the first time. So too am I, unlike the assorted PR folk who can't conceal a snicker when you tell you them you're looking forward to playing a video game. Also, somehow he's a Steelers fan. Yup, we're cool.

Mr. Samoa, who writes game reviews for a local newspaper and runs a not-very frequently updated gaming blog on their web site, is none too impressed with the shitshow. "Talk to any of these celebrities tonight and all of them will tell you 'Oh man, I love video games' but they're just paying lip service to this subculture they don't respect, but don't want to alienate because it's so large. These people still have no idea about who gamers are." You mean to tell me there are phonies in L.A.? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!?

Sure, the yearly release of the Madden game has become a legit event in the pop culture calendar. This doesn't mean its fans aren't above some needed mocking, which you'd know if you've ever played against some of the mouthbreathers on Xbox Live. Or seen any of the untold personal Madden highlights that very sad people post on YouTube. The game has become something of a symbol for unproductive male lunkheadedness, which was further pointed out to me when fellow KSK and With Leather writer Matt Ufford accidentally sent me this e-mail intended for his girlfriend:

"Hey hon, just looking around for another story after finishing the recap. Should be kind of a tough day for me, as Mike's off in LA for the Madden '09 release party. That's right, he flew across the country to get an early look at a video game. When you think about how awesome I am, be sure to include the fact that I don't play video games."

See that gamers? Even bloggers are making fun of you. And they get pushed around by pussy journalists. Think about that.

Anyway, Samoan guy (not intentionally leaving out his name, I forgot it) and I decide we've had enough of the faint glitz and head in, camping in front of one of the 13 42-inch flatscreens set up around the interior. I also start down the perilous road of whiskey orders.

The game's graphics are breathtaking, an appreciable step up from last year's installment. The stadium and the players look more crisp, the motions more fluid, the atmosphere more game-like. Considering a good deal of the people at the party are content to fiddle with the game for a few minutes, it's not hard to get some time to give it a test drive. The gameplay is essentially the same from last year and so too are some of my main gripes. For instance, it's still fucking impossible to run the ball between the tackles. And running outside them is feast or famine, a three-yard loss or a skate to the house. For a guy who only plays with the Steelers, this is a critical point. Sure, the early '90s editions of Madden where you could run countless 8-yard gains up the gut with Barry Foster on halfback leads was nice, but if I want to be chucking the ball from four- and five-wide sets all day, I'll pick up the next Blitz game.

One new bell for this year's game is the Replay feature, which gives each player the chance to take a mulligan on one play every game, be a sack, a 95-yard pass play, whatever. Of course, I accidentally trigger this unspeakably retarded feature for the first time after I intercept a Tarvaris Jackson pass when down 14-10 in the 3rd quarter (Samoan guy is forced to be the Vikings because I'm an insufferable asshole who refuses not to be the Steelers). Two plays later, I get burned for a score and end up losing 24-10. "That's probably the only time you're going to see Tarvaris Jackson throw three TD passes," Samoa jokes. I kind of hate him now.

Not wanting to squander the whole party in front of the console (it's tough when you have a server bringing you free drinks), I make the rounds. The party has picked up some and everyone is abuzz because Hugh Hefner is there (Thanks for spoiling the surprise, Clay!). I find him a back table sandwiched between eight or so playmates and cordoned off by velvet rope from the gawking partygoers, myself included. I offer a handshake and compliment him on his harem. He smiles sagely.

But wait: More middling stars! JC Chavez! Verne Troyer! Tom Arnold! *Gasp* Jamal Anderson! Someone who actually played football (albeit not for a long time). I am legitimately starstruck though when I spy Tristan Wilds, the guy who played Michael Lee on The Wire. He endures my Wire fanboy gushings politely and I wish him luck with the new 90210 series, despite the fact that he's wearing a Brewers hat. In line at the bar, I strike up awkward convo with Masi Oka, who was also at the Maxim Hot 100 party I went to a few months ago. It's like I really know the guy, except I don't and I've never watched the show he's semi-famous for.

Me: Hey, nice meeting you.

Masi: Oh hey.

Me: How's the new season going?

Masi: Pretty good. We're filming it right now.

Me: I saw you at the Maxim party a few months ago.

Masi: The Hot 100 party?

Me: Yeah.

Masi: They ran out of booze way too early.

Me: Yeah, that kind of sucked.

Masi: ...

Me: You into the game at all or just here for the party?

Masi: No, I play Madden. I'm about to get into an arrangement with them.

Me: Like what?

Masi: I can't really talk about it.

Me: All right. What team do you root for?

Masi: Chargers. They're the closest.

Me: Hmmm. Sooooo...that Philip Rivers. Cool guy, huh?

Masi: Yeah, I like him.

Me: ...

Masa breaks the tension by grabbing the girl in front of him by the shoulders and shaking her vigorously. She giggles. You can do this when you're semi-famous.

At this point, the place is incredibly packed and the rest of the night is split between getting more and more hammered while shuttling between Xbox consoles and rubbing against some out-of-my-league ass on the dance floor. Eventually the place thins out and I stagger home, where, fuck!, I don't have the new Madden yet.

This is kind of stepping on a soapbox but isn't this what happens when only one video game company can make football games? It used to be Electronic Arts had to make a better product to beat the competition, now they can throw lame launch parties that also feature Tom Arnold and Verne Troyer. (Both are pictured at the party.)

But the name I can't get past is Hugh Hefner. Because when you look at Hef you think: He always runs the slant on third and 8. Or not. Damn you Madden and your sweet monopoly. I'll be there on August 12.

Madden NFL 09 VIP Premiere Party [First Cuts]

***

11:01 — And Mike Hart runs to the goalline, but he's just short, and time expired. And Appalachian State holds on to w... oh, sorry. Wrong game.

Well, here's the important part. We all survived the game. Furthermore, we know exactly what Brett Favre is doing right now. I thank you for not taking a drink every time they said Favre's name. Not only because it's dangerous, but because it's not creative. Ted Thompson has already been doing that for the last month.

Catch y'all on the next live blog. Refresh the page on your way out, please.

10:59 — With 14 seconds left, the Colts call a timeout. 14 seconds left. They're down by two touchdowns. John Madden doesn't even consider this the preseason yet. They call a time.ou.t.

10:56 — BRETT FAVRE UPDATE: Brett Favre has actually been asleep for the last two hours. He's currently going through the rapid-eye moment phase of sleep. Stay tuned for further updates.

10:55 — Pierre Garcon returns the kickoff to midfield. I have trouble believing Pierre Garcon is an actual garçon. Where's his cedille? It doesn't exist. He's a dirty fraud.

30 16

10:52 — Turning briefly to the game itself, Jared Lorenzen kills the gripping, chilling, riveting comeback at the 2-minute park by throwing an interception-for-touchdown to Matteral Richardson. Lorenzen's only consolation is that Indianapolis has some really great steakhouses.

10:49 — BRETT FAVRE UPDATE: Brett Favre is only a 9-hour, 48-minute drive from Canton.

10:48 — Canton is only a 12-hour drive from Kansas City. So if you're not doing anything tomorrow, come on down!

10:46 — John Madden: You ought to see the Pro Football Hall of Fame "if you have an opportunity, or even if you don't have an opportunity, you should make an opportunity." Is there an online wiki on how to make one's own opportunity?

10:43 — Jim Zorn wanted to run the ball late in the game, but also wanted to see Colt Brennan throw. Ergo, Jim Zorn wanted to play the second half of the football game using running plays and passing plays. That's innovative thinking.

10:39 — Maybe the Redskins should have asked the Dolphins to throw in Jason Taylor's sleeves as part of the trade. You need to specify these things.

10:37 — BRETT FAVRE UPDATE: Brett Favre went with Turkey Stew.

10:33 — Jared Lorenzen throws for a first down. Is there a better name for a fat, underperforming quarterback than "Jared Lorenzen?"

10:32 — BRETT FAVRE UPDATE: Brett Favre is deciding between two cans of Dinty Moore soup. We will let you know if we find out which one he picked.

10:30 — Al Michaels wonders if there's a better name for a quarterback than Colt Brennan. Madden cant think of one. But I can. Strongarm McPassalot.

23 16

10:28 — Touchdown, Brennan to Marcus Mason. Now that Colt Brennan is already a preseason Hall of Fame candidate, John Madden doesn't need Brett Favre's fun-ness anymore.

10:25 — Fred Dean, I just want to say, not only am I a big fan of your football, but I buy your frozen breakfast sandwiches at least once a month.

10:17 — Stock footage of Redskins training camp, where they threw foam pads at Jason Campbell as he dropped back. This wasn't actually part of practice, they were just filming a remake of Super Sloppy Double Dare. Instead of the tip drill, Santana Moss tried to pick a flag out of a giant nose.

10:14 — An update on a story we brought you earlier, Brett Favre went from the plane to a van, and the van drove away. Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers threw a bad pass in a scrimmage game, and he immediately slipped in the depth charts.

10:12 — Congratulations, Lorenzen. You were just sacked in the backfield by a 7th round draft pick half your size. Fun while it lasted, though, as a Colt, right?

10:10 — Jared Lorenzen ran for the first down. I know it's almost the end of the third quarter, but it felt worth mentioning in case seismologists discover readings on their instruments tomorrow morning, they can read this live blog and find out the reason.

10:07 — And now "Sweet Child O' Mine" fades to commercial. Yep, they stole my iTunes playlist all right.

16 16

RIVETING!

10:04 — Touchdown, Colt Brennan to Maurice Mann. The Redskins now trail Georgia by only 31 points.

10:01 — Fred Davis, according to John Madden, can do some of the things Chris Cooley does. These things include: blocking things, catching things, and making sure they can convert things on third and things.

9:57 — Colt Brennan's in the game. Jim Zorn told him they're on the island of Kauaʻi.

9:54 — I'm getting concerned. First NBC plays "Separate Ways" for the outro to commercial. Then they played "Sledgehammer." Did NBC producers hack into my iTunes during my halftime bathroom break?

9 16

9:51 — Adam Crossett kicks in the field goal. Yes, the Colts are trying out another kicker, just in case Adam Vinatieri had a Vanderjagtian breakdown this summer.

9:47 — We might not get a comparison of a WR in this game to Art Monk, but we did just get a comparison of Mike Hart to Darrell Green Madden thinks Mike Hart looks like Tony Dorsett in the face. Actually, I know what other black man he might look like.

9:44 — Oh, wow. A sign on TV:

REDSKINS
   8
2 1
8
FOREVER

Clever, clever spacing. That's a thinker's sign. That guy can finish a Sudoku puzzle in 4 minutes.

9:41 — From Darrell Green's induction speech, talking about his late father: "They said 'no.' He said 'go.' " Thanks to John Madden, he explained that quote for us. If he could have telestrated it, he would have.

9:32 — They sent Bob Costas to the Olympics, which makes sense, because that's probably what he's best known for. They also sent ... Cris Collinsworth, a former football player and current football analyst. Football is ... not a sport in the Olympics. But they sent a football analyst to Beijing. Unless they're going to make him eat donkey penis, I'm not seeing the reason to send him to China.

Halftime Entertainment

9 13

9:27 — Vinatieri could flick in a field goal with his fingers. But he uses his legs, for dramatic effect. That's the half.

9:26 — Quinn Gray throws a last-second big pass in the final seconds here. Arena Football 2 scouts in the stands take note.

9:24 — Ah, so the Colts' "First & 10" market is blue and white, to match their color scheme. So the only team whose marker will represent horrible-tasting candy will be the Redskins'. Fascinating, ain't it? Refresh your page for more such insight.

9:21 — John Madden on Jason Taylor: "I thought he lost 20 pounds, but he said he lost only 3 pounds. But he lost ... how many body fat things." No plural noun is caressed more in the English language by John Madden than "things." He does football things. There are 34.7 things left in the game. Stay tuned for some things from our sponsors.

9:20 — Madden remarks how that official review was a waste of time. I wholeheartedly agree. Now, back to watching Todd Collins running a football offense in August.

9:18 — Ah, cutoff football jerseys. Because previously were weren't convinced that these football players were in shape at all.

9:16 — Why have a montage of Hall of Famers waving at people from the weekend? Todd Collins is running the two-minute drill! This is exciting! Refresh!!

9:14 — Another one of NBC's shows, which is not a remake but a completely new idea that wasn't ganked from the Discovery Channel: America's Toughest Jobs. Next year, stay tuned for Let's See If This Urban Legend Can Be Done With Modern Technology, Using Former Stuntmen, Special Effects Artists, And A Token Hot Redhead.

9:11 — E-mail from Walkoff Walk's Camp Tiger Claw: "I hope the Hall Of Fame Game goes to 9 overtimes." There was a walkoff walk in baseball today, by the way. Can't remember who allowed it, though.

9:09 — Halloween is about three months away, and yet NBC's virtual "First And 10" marker looks like a giant candy corn. Now, since it's virtual, it's only an estimation. It's not entirely accurate.

9:07 — Andre Tippett was a New England Patriot? But he played in the '80s, and the Patriots didn't come into the league until 2001. Something doesn't add up.

9 10

9:05 — Quinn Gray refuses to be upstaged by stock footage of old men deplaning. He throws a touchdown, putting the Colts in front, provided the PAT is made. (Which t'was.)

9:03 — Bringing you an update to an earlier story, Brett Favre did indeed get off the plane. The plane did not just stay on the tarmac, then fly back to Mississippi.

9:01 — T.J Rushing scores a touchdown that's called back because of a penalty. See, again, there's another bad name for a cornerback. T.J. Rushing. For 100 brownie points and restroom privileges, who wants to say what position he should be playing?

8:58 — Jason Fabini gets called for a chop-block, which is pointed out was called because the rusher was already engaged in a block with someone else. They say if there was no other blocker there, Fabini could hit him there. That's like saying you can't shiv someone in the knee if there's a ninja in front of him fighting with nunchucks, but if there's no ninja there, then shiv away.

8:56 — John Madden's rule on snapping the ball: "Don't snap it at 12 o'clock." That seems more like a superstition to me.

9 3

8:54 — It appears some kind of football safety was scored. I happened to miss it because Emmitt Thomas's siren-sounding voice. If I ever have problems sleeping, I know who to ask me to read the phone book. But thankfully, I still have my secretive addiction to Ambien.

8:50 — Emmitt Thomas seems like one of those randomly-generated video game NFL names. You know. He'd play offensive line, next to DeShaun Janikowski and Santana Pennington.

8:47 — John Madden: "This is before the first week of preseason." Right you are, John. This game, actually, is not a preseason game, but rather a preliminary football regular season game, known instead as a "beforeactualfootballexhibition." Look it up. Wiktionary. Just ... just give me 15 minutes before you actually fact-check that.

8:46 — Todd Collins is in the game. It's probably the first time I noticed something in the actual game in about 20 minutes.

8:45 — With so many unfinished questions in the original Knight Rider, NBC is bringing it back this season. We here at Deadspin have obtained the exclusive trailer for this show. Here it is.

8:43 — I'll be honest. I had no idea it was already the second quarter.

8:42 — And, for some reason, there's an unwarranted slam from the booth on Terre Haute, Indiana.

8:40 — Jimmy Kimmel harangues us for not being able to see Adrian Peterson's record-setting rushing performance because "we only get four games on cable." Because of network restrictions, this commercial is blacked out outside of Minneapolis/St. Paul.

8:38 — And Al Michaels completely fucks over my bingo card with his professionalism and showmanship, getting through Devin Aromashodu's name with absolutely no hiccups. But I have to say he practiced that in the hotel mirror at least five times.

8:37 — Jared Lorenzen is also on the Colts. How about that. This is the first time I've seen Lorenzen on a wide-screen TV. He does have ears after all.

8:36 — Quinn Gray plays for the Colts now? If he's buried behind Sorgi in the depth charts, he'll most certainly be competing for the backup holder position.

8:33 — It's good to see Art Monk get into the Hall of Fame after so many years of unheralded, yet consistently brilliant, crime-solving in San Francisco. I hope they find out who car-bombed his wife.

8:31 — Al Michaels can't believe how young Jim Zorn looks. And John Madden can't believe that Tony Dungy is younger than Jim Zorn. Mr. Madden, while that may be accurate, coming from you I'm certain you'd say Pangaea also looks pretty young.

8:29 — The commenters pointed out the several sets of hashmarks on the field. I talked to the Fawcett Stadium groundskeeper about this, and he said that tomorrow they're having a life-size Space Invaders tournament, and they didn't have time to set up after this game. Personally, that seems like poor scheduling on their part.

8:28 — The Indianapolis "starting" defense has a guy from Temple and a guy from Buffalo. When you're picking defensive players from the MAC, you're already in trouble. But when you look to the bottom of the MAC East...

8:26 — So, a Mountain Dew commercial featuring a rhino that rams into Jack Hanna. I gotta say, that was extremely random. I hear they had a similar concept for a Dew commercial with Steve Irwin a few years ago. But I don't want to get into why they didn't film it.

7 3

STILL ANYONE'S GAME! KEEP HITTING REFRESH!!

8:23 — Adam Vinatieri gets the Colts on the board, but not before Al Michaels all but puts down his life savings on Vinatieri getting into the Hall of Fame. I think that's a good possibility. Tickets to visit the Hall of Fame are very easy to obtain.

8:21 — Jim Sorgi's inside-the-10-year-line pass gets almost picked off by Fred Smoot. Dildo.

8:20 — Joseph Addai already suffered an injury, and is out of the game. This will certainly cramp my fantasy preseason team.

8:18 — Defensive end Rob Jackson, chew your quarterbacks up before you swallow them. And use a napkin!

8:17 — Madden on Ben Utecht, who left the team: "Because of all the things he did, they could do all these other exotic things with Dallas Clark." Are they not able to get Cantonese takeout anymore?

8:15 — A bit of love for Dallas Clark, who converts the third down. Everyone adores a white slot receiver with a bit of paunch.

8:13 — Brett Favre's plane arriving in Green Bay has equal anticipation yet inverse admiration as Richard Nixon's plane leaving. Somewhere in Mississippi, Aaron Rodgers is being sworn in as Deanna Favre's husband.

8:12 — Um ... was that a giant inflatable Red Grange?

Now that I think about it, maybe they should play this game in leather helmets.

7 0

8:10 — Jason Campbell to Antwaan Randle El puts the 'Skins in the lead early. Someone tell the Colts, because I don't think they're aware the season's already begu... oh, it hasn't?

8:09 — An on-side kick to start the game for the Redskins. THEY CLEARLY WANT THIS GAME MORE.

8:08 — Al Michaels mentions how Fawcett Stadium is named after a local administrator, just in case anyone was assuming Canton, Ohio has had a 30-year-long boner for Farrah.

8:05 — Adam Schefter is replacing Andrea Kremer on the sidelines. Can guys actually do that job? I mean, obviously they can, but they'll get paid more for doing it. So it's just not cost effective.

8:03 — I swear, they gave John Madden a larger microphone than Al Michaels'. This is like one of those "which square is bigger?" optical illusions.

8:01 — They're announcing this year's HoF inductees down on the field. I'm going to keep saying it. "Tippett" is a much, much better name for a defensive back. A better linebacker name is "Blitzwhennecessary."

Pre-Game Babble

So. Why live blog the Pro Football Hall of Fame Game? Because it, along with the Super Bowl and the MLB All-Star Game, are the three most important competitions in sports today. The Hall of Fame Game is among the most routinely watched sporting events in the United States, along with one of the most heavily gambled on games. No wonder 25 of the last 28 teams to win this game went on to win the Super Bowl and 5 of the last 7 league MVPs participated in the game. (Or at least the first quarter of the game.)

Having said that, please tell me you didn't believe a single sentence in the above paragraph. The players we actually know probably won't break a sweat — Reggie Wayne will likely be running his routes in pajama bottoms, to be honest — and the outcome of the game will be meaningless and irrelevant to each teams' ability.

But ... Madden. Freakin' Madden. You've had so many months of not seeing John Madden try and keep up with the world around him. Those ... those eyebrows. (If you can still use the plural on that.) His eyebrows have plumed so well over the years, the Gramatica family often vacations to them in April.

So yes. The number of households who watch this game in its entirety probably equal the number of panelists now on Football Night In America. Which means nobody will be reading this live blog. (This means that you, kind reader, actually do not exist.) But in a way, that makes it more appealing to watch and live blog. It's the same reason "Manos: Hands of Fate" is so horribly delightful to watch.

Here's your bingo card for the night.

Special Instructions, subject to change:

• The Brett Favre square involves his name coming up in two separate quarters. Otherwise we basically have two free spaces on the card, and if we have two, why not have five? Why not just give you a goddamn bingo card with five squares in a row already punched out?

Hiring a "shock jock" at a radio station always comes with a certain amount of risk. The lines of good and bad taste are usually drawn up arbitrarily, and punishment for crossing this imaginary line is usually enforced when a certain segment of listeners, advertisers, or executives are personally offended by a wince-worthy comment.

ESPN 1250's Mark Madden, stuck his tongue on the hot rail when he made an ill-timed Ted Kennedy remark. He was, at first, forced to apologize and disciplined with suspension ... and now just been let go by the WWL.

The offending remark was as follows:

“I’m very disappointed to hear that Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts is near death because of a brain tumor. I always hoped Senator Kennedy would live long enough to be assassinated.”

This is, according to reports, one of the worst of many horribly inane and hurtful comments Madden has spit across the airwaves during his time at the Pittsburgh station. Of course, he was also one of the most popular morning talk show hosts in the region. So...somebody likes him.

Just like the Don Imus situation last year, it seems silly to start firing people over taste issues. Sure, both Imus' and Madden's attempts at humor were more shock-oriented than comedy oriented — but isn't that their job in the first place? And if they really wantd to fire him — why wait so long? Why make him apologize on the air, have the station manager, Mike Thompson, go on the record and say he's not going to be fired, and then, after Bristol weighs in, take it back and then fire him. Stand up guy, that Mike Thompson.

One person who's overjoyed by Madden's dismissal is the Washington Post's cranky pants sports columnist Leonard Shapiro, who had this to say about the industry in general:

Perhaps ESPN's proper but somewhat belated dismissal also will serve as a warning to some of the mean-spirited, frequently irresponsible shock-jock broadcasters who talk sports, politics or whatever in radio studios all across the country (are you listening Michael Savage?) Maybe they'll now think twice before spewing their venomous remarks.

Yeah, probably not.

Madden Removed From Air By ESPN [Post-Gazette]

Rightfully Let Go, But Not Soon Enough [WaPo]

Our favorite anecdote about John Madden is that, in the days after 9/11 when no one could fly, Madden was riding around the country with Peggy Fleming. That story boggles our mind. Of course, the reason Madden doesn't fly is because of a crash involving players at his alma mater Cal Poly in 1960. (Though he did fly until 1979, when he had a panic attack on a flight. We know he feels; when one of the stations on JetBlue isn't working, we lose our freaking mind.)

We love this shot of Madden; we forget he didn't always look so old.

By the way, this vote is for Madden himself, not Frank Caliendo's impersonation of Madden.

So: Do you like the John Madden? Do you not like the John Madden? Let's hear it.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

• The Red Sox, hawking wine for charity and sheer annoyance. [Sox & Dawgs]
  
• Your Foxfield Races preview. Just don't say FoxfieldSSSS [cVillain]
  
• 10 Important Sports Figures You Won't Find on a Wheaties Box. [Mental Floss]
  
• An American pro soccer history lesson for John Feinstein [Unprofessional Foul]
  
• A salute to Sean Avery [Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies]
  
• Brandon Inge: The newer, whiter Gary Sheffield? [The Handsome Club]
  
• A Talladega preview with easy-to-read bullet points! [Ridebuyer]
  
• A Madden 09 story that isn't just about who's on the cover. [Gametap]
  
• A Voodoo Sabermetrics examination of Miguel Tejada. [Babes Love Baseball]

According to the Facebook site for Madden NFL 09, the cover athlete is expected to be announced on April 25. Moreover, a quick check of the CBS schedule for Late Show with David Letterman shows that Favre is going to appear as one of Dave's guests tonight (April 24). For the past few years, EA has used late-night shows to announce the Madden cover. Last year Jimmy Kimmel's show was used to announce Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young for Madden 08.

Other possible cover boys are newly married and relevant Eli Manning of the New York Giants and everybody's favorite Purple Jesus, the Vikings' Adrian Peterson.

If Favre is on the cover and is still retired, what does that do to the Madden curse? Chances are either Aaron Rodgers goes down with a knee injury in Week 2 or, worse, John Madden has a heart attack and is unable to do Sunday Night Football all year.

A source at the taping describes how it went:

Brett: I have retired
Dave: Did you sign your retirement form?
Brett: I have not signed my retirement form.
(grins)

Great.

Brett Favre To Cover Madden 09 [Game Daily]

DISH said it filed the complaint because Madden and Barkley reps have threatened imminent legal action over the national campaign. The spots feature comedian Frank Caliendo, star of TBS series "Frank TV," impersonating the 2 (see them at www.dishnetwork.com). Other famous faces lampooned in the campaign includewww.dishnetwork.com George W Bush and Al Pacino (not mentioned in the court filing). Caliendo, who is ID'd as a comedian in the spots, appears as himself side-by-side his impersonations, who tout DISH products.

So actually what's happening here is that DISH Network is going to court to get a ruling on the commercials; a preemptive strike against any potential litigation. How will it turn out? Hey, I'm no lawyer; Last year the government declared me legally dead, and sold my house. But I'm pretty sure that the fact that, in the ads, the real Frank Caliendo is standing right next to the fake Madden, should be a tipoff to any viewer who might be confused. Is there really anyone out there thinking "Hey, John Madden wants me to get rid of my cable hookup!"

But really I don't care what happens, as long as they don't mess with this one:

Meanwhile, I would advise Caliendo to get to work on his Alan Dershowitz impersonation.

Madden, Barkley Suing Over Caliendo Dish Net Ad [SportsbyBrooks]
Madden, Barkley Join DISH's Legal Hit Parade [Cable360]

* = May not be true.

Badly.

Kenny Bell graduated in 2002, has made a DVD of himself catching passes from Josh Booty and has a letter of recommendation from Jeff Garcia that states "He has shown me the talent and the skill to play on the professional level." The horrible thing is this poor guy still carries around both wherever he goes, just on the off chance that someone...anyone...will give him a shot with a professional football team. Just a tryout, a practice, something to show a professional scout what he can do.

That has to be frustrating, to play Madden and watch fake people impersonating real people impersonating you find more virtual joy than you do in your real life. He can always create his own character, and model him after Reggie Bush's character, in which case the universe will collapse upon itself and swallow the time-space continuum whole.

Kenny Bell Needs Your Help [Deuce Of Davenport]

Some little bits of Madden info for you today:

• A complete ranking of the best teams in the game. The Patriots, predictably, are first. The Raiders are last, and the Buzzsaw is in the top 10!

• Here are some rejected covers.

• A Madden naysayer!

• Don't forget to buy Salisbury 08!

The official player ratings have been released, and even though we don't have Ethan Albright's rating, we still can play around with them. The top position guys are obvious — Manning, Tomlinson, Chad Johnson — but some guys are higher than they should be (Randy Moss) and some guys are lower (Thomas Jones). And yes, Favre is still in the top 10.

Matt Leinart is less than pleased with his rating.

"Last year I had a fumbling problem where if you breathed on my character he dropped the ball. This year my strength rating is awful. I'm going to get my butt kicked in the game."

Well, this is what you get for hanging out with Robin Williams.

Madden 08: By The Numbers [GameTap]

Moore was corporate vice president of the Interactive Entertainment Business in the Entertainment and Devices Division at Microsoft, the latter name which always brings a smile to my face. That's because every time there was a job opening at Entertainment and Devices, there would be this mass exodus from all other buildings on the Redmond campus (including MSNBC, where I worked), and a mad scramble for applications. "I get to test video games all day? Cool!"

Anyway, welcome to Redwood City, Peter Moore. I have stolen your garden gnomes, and am outside of your office window right now, performing a little play with them.

EA Confirms Moore's New Job [Kotaku]

Multiple industry sources have told me that Tomlinson, in fact, was asked of his interest, was presented with an offer, and told Electronic Arts he was not interested. Tomlinson's turning down of Electronic Arts, we're told, doesn't have much to do with the highly publicized curse, which has been attributed to the recent misfortune of Michael Vick, Donovan McNabb and Shaun Alexander. It has more to do with the fact that the people at Electronic Arts know that, for many, their cover is seen as the "Wheaties box endorsement" — in that athletes are usually so honored they are willing to do it for less than market value. Tomlinson wasn't.

The deal usually pays the cover athlete $100,000 to $200,000 and requires multiple appearances to pump up the game. Since the Madden game sort of sells itself, the athlete on the cover doesn't really matter that much, but expect more NFL stars to turn down the cover in the future, not because of the curse, but because the price is just too low.

Eventually, if the asking price remains too low for big stars, we're going to see a kicker on the cover. Or maybe Ethan Albright!

Tomlinson Turns Down Madden [CNBC]
Begin Preparing For The Vince Young Injury [Deadspin]
Ethan Albright Strikes Back [The Phat Phree]

Young will be announced as the cover boy on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" tonight, where the host will corner him and basically be a sanctimonious ass about heel-snippers trying to take down world class celebrities like himself. While this is proof that the Wonderlic rating will never be a major factor on Madden, it's also telling that Peyton Manning didn't make the cover. No matter how many kids he pegs in the head with footballs, he'll just never be hip enough to make it. Maybe, someday, he'll make Kenny Chesney Guitar Hero.

Young To Grace Cover Of Madden 08 [Nashville City Paper]

Some San Diego Chargers fans are doing what they can to cut the curse off at the pass, launching the newfangled Save LT From Madden Web site, designed entirely to keep the MVP from suffering the same fate as his predecessors. ESPN says Peyton Manning is the early favorite, but we would have thought LT was more likely, actually. We think they should put Favre on there; maybe he'll actually retire this time.

Save LT From Madden
Taking Madden Curse Into Their Own Hands [Lion In Oil]
The Contenders [ESPN Video Games]

"That's just about the best thing you could have told me," Hester said with a huge smile, when informed of his new Speed rating. "It's an honor — I don't know what to say, really."

Yep: A professional football player taking the most joy from his imaginary rating in an imaginary video game. We absolutely love sports sometimes.

Perfect Score [Chicks Dig The Long Ball]

Some kid in Utah opened up his Madden 2007 game on Christmas morning — strange, a kid in Utah not being Jewish — and found himself a happy surprise.

Kolton Mahoney was shocked when he put the Madden NFL 07 game in his new Xbox 360 console Christmas day and an explicit image popped up on his television screen. "This is definitely not Madden," he said recalling his first thought after seeing the image.

Kolton turned off the Xbox and notified his parents, Linda and Tim Mahoney, who viewed the video game and were equally stunned. "It wasn't a pretty scene," Tim Mahoney said.

This is Utah, which means of course the scene involved necking. This is really just an excuse to use that instructional photo, which is a new and intriguing way to use the Wii.

Unhappy Christmas Surprise [Standard-Examiner]

The folks over at Rooster Teeth.com are small-boned, practical folk. So when they angered large, muscular Indianapolis Colts tight end Dallas Clark recently with a rather unflattering portrayal of him on a video game commercial, they quickly scrambled to make amends. They drafted a letter of apology, and even created a "director's cut" version of the offending video which casts Clark in a better light (see above).

You're no doubt aware of the original Madden NFL '07 commercial in question, in which Clark is pummeled, cartoon-like, at the hands of Eagles safety Brian Dawkins and defensive end Darren Howard ("I can't bear to watch this. I'm gonna go eat a sandwich.") Clark, of course, wasn't exactly pleased with it.

"Everyone has told me about it,'' Clark said to the Indianapolis Star. "I haven't seen the commercial, but I'm upset about it. It makes me look like a punk.''

You can guess what happened next. Clark was injured in the Colts' game against the Eagles the next day, having to be helped off the field with a knee injury. So the guys at Rooster Teeth, who apparently made the commercial, figured that this would anger Clark even more, and moved to placate him so that he wouldn't end up squashing them into tiny meat cubes.

But that's nothing, because Lil' Ronnie was getting set to have his mom drive him in from the south side so he could open him a gigantic can of Whoop-Ass.

An Open Letter Of Apology To Mr. Dallas Clark [Red vs. Blue]
EA Sports Madden NFL Commercial [Rooster Teeth.com]
Dallas Clark - Director's Cut [Rooster Teeth.com]
Commercial Irks Clark [Indianapolis Star]
Colts Could Lose Clark But Gain Help [Indianapolis Star]
Where In The World Is Lil Ronnie? [Deadspin]

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever... except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Michaels or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

It's really a pretty amazing read.

Ethan Albright Strikes Back [The Phat Phree]

(UPDATE: We had forgotten about this, but apparently Albright, the real one, has addressed his low rating.)

Otherwise, yeah: That thar Madden Curse has struck again, breaking the foot of Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander. He's out "indefinitely," which is either Jim Edmonds indefinitely — in which case we'll see him, squinting as if in great pain, sometime around 2009 — or Carson Palmer indefinitely, which means he'll be back tomorrow.

We tend to treat curses with the same respect we treat astrology, or voodoo, or mathematics. We will keep screaming "coincidence!" as an army of black cats chases us under a ladder while carrying an open umbrella when it's not raining. Which is why we very much enjoyed this amusing post about Madden's former cover victims. Why, oh why, did they put the World Trade Center on Madden '01? Why didn't somebody stop them?

Madden Curse Responsible For Shaun Alexander Injury, My Wife Leaving Me ... [Pulled My Groin]
Everyone Please Remain Calm [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

My thoughts are: any six year old with opposable thumbs can move the ball down the field, but it takes a real human to understand these players. You need to know what they love, to comprehend their passion for life, beyond the sport they play.

Your players' actions may vary. Hey, like it's really that different than "Head Coach."

Madden Bye Week '07: A Review [College Humor.com]

This will be our last Madden post of the week, promise.

Anyway, as we wait for the goons at Amazon to deliver our copy of the game, we wonder, as we do every year: How good will our Buzzsaw be? Since we tend to not play full seasons or "Create A Player" or any of those other things, we just play exhibition games against our friends. Typically, our most common opponents are fans of the Eagles and Patriots: This does not benefit someone with Josh McCown and JJ Arrington in the backfield.

So the folks at Tecmo Bowl have done the research and ranked the 32 teams in order of Madden excellence. Not surprisingly, the Steelers and Seahawks are at the top, followed by the Colts, Giants and Chiefs. The worst five: Browns, Bills, Jets, Lions and 49ers.

And how about our Buzzsaw: No. 10, thanks to the wide receivers and Edgerrin James. The Patriots and Eagles: 15 and 16, respectively. Yeah, we're gonna enjoy the next few days.

Rating Teams Of Madden 2007 [Tecmo Blog]

The guys at the Tecmo Blog are having all kinds of fun, simulating a day in the life of a Madden player and a glance back at Madden 99, along with more stuffs.

Also, if you're into watching other people play video games, GameSpot, starting at 7 p.m. ET this evening, will be playing the game all night, and you'll be able to follow along. (You'll be able to watch the video, though chatting requires some kind of subscription.)

And if that's not enough video game news for you ... Kobe Bryant's on the cover of a game now, for the first time since that uncomfortable Colorado incident. So yeah: Even more reasons never to leave the house.

Day In The Life Of A Madden Gamer [Tecmo Blog]
We Play Madden For Eight Hours Straight [GameSpot]

Obviously, we're as excited about the release of Madden 2007 as anybody else, but we'll confess something: We're not as into the role-playing aspects of the game as some apparently are. We'll play exhibition games against our friends — as the Buzzsaw, of course — and if we're feeling frisky, we'll play a whole simulation of the season, but as for creating players, designing stadiums, running a front office, all that ... it kind of bores us a little, we have to admit.

We're obviously in the minority, though, as this strangely detailed clip from the upcoming XBOX version of the game, in which our unnamed fictional draftee ... bench presses for a few minutes. We guess as the player, we, what, press the turbo button a much to make him lift? Virtual weighlifting, to us, strikes us as symbolic of something frightening.

(By the way, if you're still needing your Madden fix, just type Madden into YouTube and keep yourself entertained for a while.)

We are just 11 days away from the release of Madden 07, and the fine folks at IGN, for the real diehards out there, have released the rosters and player ratings of everyone in the game. Looking at our Buzzsaw, we see, as usual, two of the three best players are the kicker and the punter.

Anyway, yeah: Just 11 days now.

Madden NFL 07: Rosters and Ratings [IGN]

And then they go and do something like this.

ESPN is convinced that pent-up demand for the Aug. 22 release of the videogame "Madden NFL 07" is so enormous that it has created an hourlong pay-per-view special about the game to kick off on Aug. 4. "Inside Madden NFL 07," produced by ESPN Original Entertainment, will be available for purchase right up to Aug. 22 for $19.95.

Now listen: We love Madden. And we can't wait for the game to come out. But we do not believe fans are such slobbering, brainless, herdish drones that they will play $20 to watch people talk about a video game. Apparently ESPN differs.

Of course, we paid $25 to watch OJ Simpson play practical jokes, so what the hell do we know?

ESPN Mad For Madden [Variety]
OJ Simpson, Unplugged [Deadspin]

The roster is impressive. The studio show, "Football Night In America," is packed, with Bob Costas, Cris Collinsworth, Sterling Sharpe and Jerome Bettis, who is from Detroit. The game crew is the same as last year: Madden and the wascally Al Michaels. Andrea Kramer is the sideline reporter, and if we know anything about this sports media world, we know that position will require her to endure upwards of four million "which athlete/coach/fellow broadcaster is she sleeping with?" rumors in the first two months. (Most of which started by bored print beat guys.)

All in all: A pretty good team, we think. Thoughts?

NBC Sunday Nights Is All Right For Football [Boston Globe]

(UPDATE: Oh, and Peter King's going to be on the show too.)

He tracks it all, from the five-players-per-side of the Atari 2600, to short chess-piece-like players of early Nintendo, through Tecmo Bowl and up to the current-day Madden dominance.

It was moderately depressing to see some of these old screenshots and realize just how much of our youth was spent fiddling around with these things. Don't get us wrong; we certainly waste plenty of our adult life with them now. But it seems like, when we were younger, we should have been outside frollicking in a field or something. Meh. Oh well.

How Far We've Come [Free Meat]
"Just Three And A Half Months Until Madden [Deadspin]

The Hater Nation directs our attention to the first pictures from Madden 2007, which, as always, will be released in August.

As you can tell from the picture above, it just wouldn't be a Madden screenshot if it didn't have someone running away from a Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals defender. Worth noting, though: The Buzzsaw have a brand-new stadium opening this year, but that screenshot is still of Sun Devil Stadium. Someone told the Madden guys they have a new stadium, right? They got that memo?

Madden 07 Screenshots [IGN]
Madden First Look [The Hater Nation]

It's one thing to get really stoned and play Madden. We've all done it. (Or, uh, maybe not you. Ahem.) It's another to replay a really solid hit repeatedly. But to put it on the Web for the world to see ... well, that's just being kind.

How many more months until Madden 2007 comes out again? Really? That long? Damn. Well, at least we'll have the NFL Draft ads this weekend. That'll hold us over.

Madden On Weed [YouTube]

I had originally intended to include this in the Leftovers, but it's just too priceless to not get its own post. Philadelphia Will Do dug up this clip on You Tube of some of Barry Switzer's and John Madden's finest work.

Setting the scene: The Cowboys and Eagles are tied at 17 with 2:00 to play in the game. The Cowboys have the ball, 4th and 1 at their own 29-yard-line. Easy call, right? You punt, pin the Eagles back, take your chances in overtime.

Not Barry Switzer.

He opts to jam it in to the left side of the line for a loss of one. But through some shady officiating, the Cowboys get a chance to undo their mistake. Barry Switzer will hear none of that crazy talk. He does the exact same thing. And when I say the exact same thing, he not only makes the same absurd decision again, he runs the exact same play. And it goes for the exact same result.

The highlight of the clip is how incredulous John Madden is at how dumb Barry Switzer is. If you think Madden's too easy on the players and coaches in the NFL, here's a chance to re-shape your opinion.

Ah, The Glories Of Minor Eagles Triumps Of The Mid-1990s [Philadelphia Will Do]

Well, guess what? The cartoons were just nominated for a Sports Emmy. Yep. In the category of "Outstanding Achievement In Content For Non-Traditional Delivery Platform." Other nominees include ESPN.com's "Off Mikes" and "E Ticket: The Wizard At 95." Honestly? At this rate, that guy below who rapped the Eagles song should be up for one next year.

The other major category? Outstanding Sports Personality: Sports Event Analysts. The nominees? Joe Morgan, Tim McCarver, Troy Aikman, John Madden and Johnny Miller. The Sports Emmys, ladies and gentlemen!

Sport Emmys Nominees [Emmy Online]

• This Browns fan lost a bet on the AFC Championship game, which resulted in him having the Steelers logo shaved into the back of his head. All for a good cause, though. [Post-Gazette]

• "Senators Patty Murray and Maria Cantwell have also made a bet with Pennsylvania's junior senator Rick Santorum. If the Steelers win, Santorum gets apples, salmon, and coffee. However, if the Seahawks win, his wife has to have an abortion." Excuse me while I giggle like a little girl for a few minutes. [Seattlest]

• The Las Vegas Sun takes you through some interesting prop bets. Caesars has gotten creative, allowing you to tie your Super Bowl bet with other weird stuff, such as betting on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl and the winner of the NCAA basketball tournament coming from the ACC (at 9-2 odds). Another sports book lets you gamble on the Neilsen ratings, with the over/under set at 41. [Las Vegas Sun]

"It wouldn't affect play," [Madden producer Phil Frazier] said. "He would literally look like a little speck. If he was the running back, the ball would be so big he would literally be inside the ball, and the ball would (look like) it was moving around on the ground (on its own)."

In his dreams, by the way, this is how Peyton Manning looks against the Patriots.

Madden Bug Makes NFL Player Tiny [CNET] (via For The Birds]

Madden 2006 [EA Sports]