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What On Earth Is Going On With José Mourinho's Manchester United Pre-Contract?

We can all agree that the big takeaway from the pre-contract José Mourinho has reportedly signed with Manchester United is the simple fact that, after a few months on the sidelines, no doubt stewing over the calamity that was his final season at Chelsea, our man Mourinho will almost certainly be back in his natural…

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Defender Admits Manchester United's Memphis Depay Beat His Ass So Bad He Almost Cried

While virtually unknown striker Marcus Rashford’s unbelievable and hilarious two-goal senior team debut was the biggest story coming out of yesterday’s Manchester United-Midtjylland match, the true star on the day was Memphis Depay. He absolutely obliterated the Midtjylland defense, running up and down and around the…

Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]

In their usually fruitless quest to prove they can still compete with the truly elite clubs in world soccer, Manchester United have apparently decided to challenge Bayern Munich for the title of World’s Most Injured Squad. Just a little while ago, the one bright spot during this season of frustration, Anthony Martial,