•Ben Roethlisberger was pulled out of practice after his lineman rolled up on the back of his leg. If it turns out to be a serious injury, I fully expect to see the Boston papers claiming this season shouldn't really count. Right, guys?

•Another day, another world record for Usain Bolt, this time in the 200m. Honestly, if we doubt all outlandish baseball numbers, and that's in a sport where strength is only a small part of the skill set needed to succeed, why do we get excited over track records?

•Documents on FSU's cheating scandal will be made public after a judge's ruling that will "rip the heart out of the NCAA." The NAIA is waiting to swoop in and eat their heart, thereby gaining all their power.

•A Vick goes back to jail for a probation violation, but it's Marcus Vick, so you won't see teams eagerly awaiting his release. Which is a shame, because it's only a 20-day sentence, so he'll be sprung in time for opening night.

•Because no UFC heavyweight champ has every defended their title more than twice (seriously), you might want to tune in for Brock Lesnar's first defense against Shane Carwin.

•If you subscribe to the Jessica Simpson theory of a certain type of woman ruining a player's productivity, you might want to stay away from Reggie Bush this year. Apparently he's back with Kim Kardashian.

•After Gary Sheffield was denied a contract extention, he demanded his release and was benched last night. The Mets said they won't cut him, but if they really want to punish him, they ought to give him that extention.

•And here's why mascots should be banned:

• John Daly arrested for drunkenness at Hooters? Next you're going to tell me that Otis apparently shows up bombed at the Mayberry jail. (The PGA was not amused).

• A brilliant plan to get out of a DUI ... offer sex with your girlfriend. I see no way this can fail.

• Isiah Thomas mistook sleeping pills for Reese's Pieces, blamed it on his daughter.

• Travis Henry thought he was in a Scorsese movie.

• Roger Clemens does not recall bleeding through his pants.

• John Rocker was on steroids? Is there nothing to believe in?

• Barry Bonds; still unemployed, but looking fabulous.

• Steroid dealer had unfortunate nickname.

• The Dirty.com's Nik Richie is hit with about 12 metric tons of karma.

• Marcus Vick nabbed for DUI ... by bicycle officer.

• Carmelo Anthony was not drunk. He just has poor balance!

• Ah yes, I remember the drunk Zamboni driver story like it was yesterday. Wait, it was yesterday.

• Jack Kent Cooke's daughter gets drunk and bitchy. Let's watch the fun.

• For the Indiana Hoosiers, success was a drug. Unfortunately, so was drugs.

• What really got Shanahan fired.

• OK, lunch time, everyone.

Like his brother, his current escapability has to be questioned.

According to Officer Chris Amos, police spokesman, a bicycle officer approached a couple arguing in a car in the 200 block of Granby Street around 2 a.m. Friday.

When the officer asked for the man's identification the car took off at high speed, Amos said. A few minutes later another officer spotted the car and stopped it in the 300 block of Armistead Ave.

It's easy to forget that Marcus Vick was a Deadspin Hall of Fame nominee long before his brother. It's good to see him back. We missed him.

Former NFL Player Marcus Vick Arrested [Hampton Roads]
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Marcus "New Mexico" Vick [Deadspin]

In a lawsuit that, sadly, didn't spur a whole new permutation of aliases, Ron Mexico's little brother, Marcus "New Mexico" Vick has been sued for $6.3 million by a girl who says she was having sex with him when she was 15. The girl is now 17 and says that Vick came up with a Brand New Seduction Technique of telling her that he loved her so she'd continue to have sex with him. Inventive guy, that Marcus.

The girl involved is the same one Vick was convicted two years ago for "contributing to the delinquency of a minor," though, to be fair, he never pulled a gun on her at a McDonald's, and that's something. He did, however, go double-barrel in another situation, convincing the girl to have sex with him and another man. (At the same time, that is; otherwise, Vick might ... well, let's just stay out of this one.)

Vick is 22 years old now, and, frankly, we're excited to see what this guy can do when he really fulfills his potential. A tantalizer, indeed.

Marcus Vick Is Sued [Richmond Times-Dispatch]

As if you didn't enough to be scared about in Miami this weekend, you should be careful if you're around a McDonald's. Because Marcus "New Mexico" Vick is now on the Dolphins' active roster.

Vick will provide depth at quarterback while sidelined starter Daunte Culpepper focuses on rehabilitating his surgically repaired right knee. Joey Harrington and Cleo Lemon are the Dolphins' other quarterbacks.

That's right: Vick isn't just going to be a kick returner, he's going to maybe play some quarterback. There's no way any team in recent NFL history has had a more fascinating trio of quarterbacks than Daunte Culpepper, Joey Harrington and New Mexico. Is it too late to sign Jeff George too?

A Reason To Watch The 1-5 Dolphins [WBRS Sports Blog]
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Marcus "New Mexico" Vick [Deadspin]

During a historic two-week stretch in January, he stomped on a defender's leg in a bowl game, had his license revoked, quit the team, declared for the NFL Draft — in which he was undrafted — and, most memorably, brandished some semiautomatic mayhem on a couple unsuspecting kids in the parking lot of a McDonald's.

It is this last incident that is memorialized in the accompanying PhotoShop, which, we believe, is what truly launched him into the stratosphere. It is one thing to pull out some weaponry, and another to do it in the face of a couple of kids. But in the parking lot of a McDonald's? "New Mexico" means business. Land of enchantment, indeed.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Remember, 75 percent is the threshold. Vote below: Polls will be open until 8 a.m. tomorrow morning. And yes, this is the final Hall Of Fame vote. Enshrinees will be announced tomorrow.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

I'd like to be upset about the release of Jeff George, but he's already given us more joy than we ever had a right to expect. And don't shed any tears for him. According to this, his comeback attempt may not be dead, and it may just be a procedural move so the Raiders don't have to guarantee his salary. But even if that doesn't work out, he can still look forward to the warm and loving embrace of Jayson Whitlock.

The biggest surprise, perhaps, was the Green Bay dumped their number two running back, Najeh Davenport. He might be the most talented guy on the entire list of cuts, and it's difficult to believe that he'll be out of work for very long. It occurs to me that a certain Super Bowl team in Pittsburgh could be in the market for a big back.

And of course, there's our main man Marcus Vick, who couldn't quite hold on to his roster spot with the Dolphins. If there's a sudden spike in the Miami crime rate, you'll know why.

Notes: Running backs Dayne, Suggs, Davenport cut; Dolphins release Vick [USA Today]

More athletes have been sobered to the fact that, regardless of their peak physical conditioning, their large paychecks and the fawning adulation of fans, they cannot escape creeping death.

Whether it's Ben Roethlisberger smashing into a parked car, Roderick Greene getting knifed or Barbaro's leaking limbs, the veil of indestrucability has been lifted.

Nevertheless, those three have survived (for now), but make no mistake — the days when athletes could pop wheelies in elmentary school parking lots and go bowling without their Kevlar vests are long gone. So, I have put on my grim reaper jumpsuit, invited my Wiccan friends over and compiled a list of athletes most likely to suffer an unnatural death in the next year.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls: dying time's here.

Jump in the fire, after the jump.

————————————————————-

John Daly, Golfer: 1/2

The demons are dark, deep and out of control with everybody's favorite hard-partying golfer. Where do we start? The weight issue. The gambling debts. The depression. The boozing. The utter contempt for his own perserverance. The suicidal thoughts. Daly might be the closest thing to John Belushi we have right now. And those who knew Belushi kind of accepted the inevitability of his fate. Would anybody be surprised if Daly is found in a hotel room, shirtless, with a belly full of booze and donuts in the next few months?

Kyle Orton, QB, Chicago Bears: 2/1

It started last year with the drooling drunken photos, then the public annoucement that he's a just a young guy having fun, but Orton couldn't project his imminent doom any better than if he had tattooed "DOWNWARD SPIRAL" on his forehead. The bloat, the neck beard, the blase "Hey, i'm just here to keep the trains running"-kind of attitude all indicate Orton's paving his own path of destruction. Looking at Orton in recent pictures conjures up images of "American Prayer"-era Jim Morrison. In three months, we'll find Orton spouting off nonsensical poems and invoking dead Indians in a Naperville bar. All hail the American night....

Danica Patrick, Race Car Driver: 4/1

All race car drivers are at risk, obviously, but Danica is saddled with the pressure of winning a race this year and proving to the rest of the world that she's not just a vagina covered in fireproof clothing. With that kind of pressure, she's prone to take more risks than usual in order to prove her legitimacy. Plus, she's a chick. How many females have you seen teaching driver's ed in your lifetime? Exactly.

Marcus Vick, WR, Miami Dolphins : 4/1

How's this sound: Young black man with a chip on his shoulder, a bad temper, a new position, a familarity with firearms in a city with a sprawling nightlife and plenty of opportunities for trouble? Plus, now he has a paycheck. With drive-bys always a threat when Marcus is around, I wouldn't be surprised if the Miami Dolphins coaching staff doesn't conduct minicamp drills in those bulletproof golf carts the Pope used to ride in.

Adam LaRoche, 1B Atlanta Braves: 7/1

Although he's said he's trying to get control of the situation and is currently in treatment, one thing all ADHD sufferers are not good at is responsibility. Once his prescription starts to run out there will be a time when LaRoche is left without his adderrall supply. Imagine LaRoche standing in the batter's box, trying desperately to maintain concentration, he sees the pitcher winding up and the....hey, look how pretty this stadium is at night...Bonk. 98 mph fastballs to the face do not end well.

"I want to make it very clear that we will not condone any behavior issues in the future relative to Marcus Vick," said Dolphins Head Coach Nick Saban. "Marcus acknowledges that he has made some mistakes, all of which has resulted in severe consequences for him. They have helped him learn that he will need to make much better choices and decisions in the future or risk similar consequences that could jeopardize his career as a professional player. As an organization, we did an enormous amount of research, including consulting with professionals in detailed, in-depth analysis to feel comfortable that giving Marcus an opportunity as a free agent is a risk worth taking. Marcus has made a commitment to this organization and our fans to represent the Miami Dolphins in a first-class manner."

It is to the Dolphins' credit that they resisted the temptation to add: "So, say, if, hypothetically speaking, our young quarterback/wide receiver/return specialist happened to, we dunno, pull out a couple guns on some kids at a McDonald's, we would like to note that our in-detailed, in-depth analysis could not have forseen such an incident. Though if this hypothetical future were to take place, we would not condone it. That's clear, right? Cool. If, however, they ever invent rocket packs in the future, we would totally condone those, because we've been waiting forever for rocket packs."

Dolphins Sign Four Free Agents [MiamiDolphins.com]
Marcus Vick Now A Dolphin [Orange And Teal]

Vick, however, is undaunted.

"I'm gonna show you in the future," he said. "The teams that don't pick me, I'm gonna get the chance to play you, and you are going to be sitting up in the box saying, 'Damn, we should have considered him. We should have taken him.' "

Considering the teams that didn't pick New Mexico include "all of them," we assume he's talking about Arena Football. Oh, and we mean Arena Football 2.

QB Says He Has Matured [ESPN]
Vick Goes Undrafted [Washington Times]

164. Pittsburgh: Omar Jacobs, QB, Bowling Green. That's right... Pittsburgh now has an all-MAC stable of quarterbacks. Ben Roethlisberger went to Miami, Charlie Batch went to Eastern Michigan, and now, Omar Jacobs of Bowling Green. Jacobs appears to need a haircut almost as bad as Ben Roethlisberger, too.

176. Oakland: Kevin Boothe, G, Cornell. The Raiders drafted an ivy leaguer, and it just seems like there should be something in the United States Constitution that makes that illegal. How is he supposed to fit in? He can't teach everyone on the team how to read. What are they going to start drafting next, guys who don't carry guns? Guys who volunteer in the community? I am disappointed, Raiders.

188. San Diego: Kurt Smith, K, Virginia. A tipster lived on the same floor as Kurt Smith during the tipster's first year at UVA. According to the tipster, Smith made a habit of returning to his room drunk, and from time to time, would urinate on his roommate's rug. I don't know if he was just that drunk, or was just a fan of The Big LeBowski.

236. Jacksonville: Dee Webb, CB, Florida. He's also sometimes referred to as "The Sovereign Republic of Dee," because of his stockpile of weapons and his preparedness for war. Someone who lived in an apartment complex with Webb once called the police and complained about a bullet flying through his apartment. The bullet came from a gun owned by Webb, who just happens to own an AR-15, an AK-47, a shotgun, and a loaded .38 in his car.

255. Oakland: Kevin McMahan, WR, Maine. And here's your Mr. Irrelevant. He's got a very nice website.

Undrafted: Marcus Vick. So there's a chance for the Raiders to correct their earlier mistake by signing Vick as an undrafted free agent.

Omar Jacobs's towels to be considered terrible [The Futon Report]
Dee Webb Has His Rick James Moment [EDSBS.com]

Not that New Mexico didn't have enough ugly marks on his resume, but now we're looking at a guy who:

• Has had nothing but off-field troubles.
• Is slower and has a worse arm than his brother.
• Stomps the legs of defenders when they're lying on the ground.
• Is fortunate to be able to write his name in the ground with a stick.

Yeah. We're pretty certain the Buzzsaw is gonna draft him. Second round, we bet.

NFL Draft Almanac (via Bad Jocks)

Previous Dunk Faces:

Eddie Sutton [Deadspin]
Johnny Weir [Deadspin]

On Sunday, this page published a Clay Jones cartoon depicting a Virginia Tech football player running down the field holding a pistol. On Monday, former Tech QB Marcus Vick was arrested for brandishing a pistol.

Here and There [The Free-Lance Star]
Clay Jones [Free Lance-Star]

OK. Now let that rattle around your brain there for a moment. The guy who coached Marcus Vick for the last three years is heading to the Minnesota Vikings. Marcus Vick's coach is going to the land of 1,000 sex boats. Which means it's possible — if you can possible handle this — that the Vikings could draft Vick, and he could be a part of next year's rookie hazing, and well, criminy, that would be just about the most amazing thing that has ever happened.

Aw, man, what if they drafted Tavares Gooden? The world would be like "Playmakers!" Lawrence Taylor and Joe Namath could coach! Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease let this happen.

Vikings Hire VT QB Coach [ESPN]

Why? It reminds us a little of RoboCop. We like to imagine New Mexico like the ED-209, enormous, out of control, unstoppable. ("When engaged in combat, however, ED-209 growls using the sound of a black leopard, in order to intimidate the enemy.") We also like that he's in uniform. Not just in uniform; in his practice uniform.

But mostly: We love the guns. No sissy pistols for New Mexico. If you're gonna go to a McDonald's and mess with some kids taunting you, you best come strapped ... or come not at all.

ED-209 [Wikipedia]

Impressively, our man gangsta Grimace came in a close second, followed by Fred Smoot and Maurice Clarett. Nobody is all that frightened of Jim Mora, Jr., which is a point in everyone's favor, we think.

Full results below. As always, thanks for making your voice heard.

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Henceforth, a Deadspin poll: Which sports-related personality would you least want to run into at a McDonald's? Poll will be open all night and most of the day tomorrow.

It's a tougher call than you might think. Vote below.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

More details are surfacing about Vick's arrest on Sunday night, and it appears it wasn't about a girl, as had been reported. Instead, it's something even weirder — and scarier.

Apparently, a 17-year-old boy and two of his friends were taunting New Mexico — we can't possibly imagine what they might have been mocking him about — and, to make sure they knew he meant business, he started waving a firearm in their faces. At a McDonald's.

Vick has turned himself in, but not after, as displayed in the photo after the jump, doing what he could to hide.

Marcus Vick Arrested On Firearm Charges [Washington Post]

Our favorite non-herpes-brandishing, foot-stompin' Mexico brother has been arrested for waving a firearm in the face of a 17-year-old last night in Suffolk. (Embarrassingly for the poor kid, we're sure, the cops were called by his mother.)

Vick, of course, has had an awfully busy couple of weeks, bashing the leg of a defender in the Gator Bowl, had it revealed that his license was taken away, been kicked off the team and declared for the NFL draft. Right now, somewhere in Columbus, Maurice Clarett is saying, "Jeez, stay away from that New Mexico dude ... that cat is crazy."

Marcus Vick Facing Charges Of Brandishing A Firearm [Wavy.com]