You might have thought that once Mark McGwire had faded off into the sunset, he would stay there. A non-Hall of Famer quietly living out his days in a beachfront shack somewhere, wearing sandals to the grocery store and learning to play the accordion. Instead, he's decided to follow the playbook of any smart scandal-ridden athlete looking to get back in the public's good graces. First, find a respected citizen to vouch for you, then take a job that seems beneath your (former) stature. Since Tony Dungy and a third-string quarterback position were both unavailable, his old pal Tony La Russa has agreed to hire him to be the new St. Louis hitting coach.

La Russa was thought to be on the verge of retirement, but has agreed to come back for one more big score, possibly because it gives him a chance to help resurrect his friend's baseball career. McGwire has been quietly working behind the scenes as a for-hire hitting instructor, but who else would be willing to take a chance on him as a fully-formed, on-the-bench coach? (They're a package deal. Neither one could [or would] come back without the other.) Once fans get used to seeing him in that Cardinal uniform again, they'll remember how much they loved watching him smash those home runs and that nostalgic joy will make them realize they don't really care how he did it.

Then, after a few well-placed quotes from Albert Pujols about what a great influence the old slugger has been, he'll hold a press conference, say whatever needs to be said about his steroid use and we'll all move on. As Buster Olney points out, that strategy has worked wonders for Alex Rodriguez (the World Series visit helped) and if Mark McGwire's advice makes the Cardinals even slightly better, then he easily becomes that "good guy" again. (It's already working.) Three or four more years go by and bingo—75% of the vote.

It's just crazy enough to work.

McGwire's return to Cardinals as hitting coach makes sense [Post-Dispatch]
Stunner: McGwire back in baseball? [SF Chronicle]
McGwire's back, and there's nothing wrong with it [Fox Sports]
Cardinals schedule midday news conference [AP]
Keep the head down and inject 2 cc of nandrolone: Mark McGwire to be hitting coach at St. Louis [Steroid Nation]

According to National Underwriter magazine — "the most outspoken newsmagazine in the property-casualty insurance industry" — McGwire sought coverage for his balky ankle during the home run chase of 1998 that we now pretend to feel horrible about. Phil Gusman reports:

[Lloyd's underwriter Jonathan Thomas] said a lot of medical details had to be vetted before Lloyd's underwriters would consider writing a policy. Details included exactly how the ankle is strapped, types of orthotics used and any anti-inflammatory medications taken.

One substance used by McGwire at the time-androstenedione-was part of the regiment [sic] that Lloyd's said should be maintained to help Mr. McGwire recover.

At the time, the substance was not on Major League Baseball's banned substance list for performance-enhancing drugs, but it has since been added and is considered a "steroid precursor." And so, as Mr. Thomas noted, "something that was the start of all the steroid [discussions in baseball] was part of the underwriting interest for this policy."

A lot of people cried out in those days for McGwire to renounce Andro, lest he unduly influence the children, those impressionable souls who a few generations earlier, if I recall, took to high-powered hallucinogens en masse because of baseball's permissiveness toward Dock Ellis. But what if McGwire had given up Andro at the time? What sort of role model is that? How would we have told the kids that their hero was someone who had violated the terms of his insurance policy?

H/T reader Campbell

Alligators, Body Parts, Fantasy Leagues: All In A Day's Work For Specialty Writers [National Underwriter]

Wilstein has been nominated for the Hall of Fame's J.G. Taylor Spink Award by the Seattle chapter of the Baseball Writers' Association of America, which is unstinting in its efforts to be wrong about pretty much everything. The award recognizes "meritorious contributions to baseball writing." What Wilstein did, to put it simply, was cast suspicion on a man doing something perfectly legal with his own body, thus setting the terms of a story that has ended with federal investigators tap-dancing on the Fourth Amendment, merrily committing crimes far greater than anything they were investigating in the first place. What exactly is meritorious about that?

Go back and read the story that started it all, in 1998. This was in August, in the teeth of the Sosa-McGwire pursuit of Roger Maris' record. Wilstein built an entire feature around a bottle of Androstenedione that he spotted on the top shelf of McGwire's locker. Andro was perfectly legal and available over the counter at the time, but that didn't stop Wilstein from whipping up a little hysteria:

Sitting on the top shelf of Mark McGwire's locker, next to a can of Popeye spinach and packs of sugarless gum, is a brown bottle labeled Androstenedione.

For more than a year, McGwire says, he has been using the testosterone-producing pill, which is perfectly legal in baseball but banned in the NFL, Olympics and the NCAA.

No one suggests that McGwire wouldn't be closing in on Roger Maris' home run record without the over-the-counter drug. After all, he hit 49 homers without it as a rookie in 1987, and more than 50 each of the past two seasons.

But the drug's ability to raise levels of the male hormone, which builds lean muscle mass and promotes recovery after injury, is seen outside baseball as cheating and potentially dangerous.

The story established the model for everything that has followed: insinuation, heaps of pseudo-science, a whiff of Drug War-era moralizing, the assumption that use is the same thing as abuse, the fat paragraph of scary side effects in which the writer essentially holds a flashlight under his chin and goes whooooooo, a quote or two from Gary Wadler, who remains the go-to drug warrior for journalists too embarrassed to quote someone named Dick Pound.

This isn't meritorious journalism. It's Nancy Reagan in newsprint.

Wilstein went on to become one of journalism's most persistent steroid crusaders, kibitzing baseball's evolving drug policy at every turn, finding an excuse to summon the specter of PEDs even when he was writing about tennis ("At a time when other pro sports have been beset by problems with steroids, the arrests of stars and confrontations with fans, tennis stands to gain as a civil alternative") and, I shit you not, the Iditarod.

"No one has been found to be doping their dogs, but there are suspicions among some mushers that it's been done, if not in the race, then in training. Anabolic steroids and blood doping - the injection of whole blood, packed blood cells or blood substitutes - could help make the dogs stronger and enhance their endurance and resilience."

He helped create a phony atmosphere of crisis that certain overeager federal investigators could exploit to such an extent that their flagrantly illegal seizure of baseball's 2003 steroid tests results — which included the results of players outside the scope of their search warrant, not to mention records for people with no connection to the BALCO case or even baseball — was mostly cheered. (I wonder if people will cheer when this case shows up before the Supreme Court.) When Sammy Sosa's name was whispered into the ear of The New York Times earlier this week, no one, that I saw, called for an investigation into the leaks (a crime for which someone will eventually get tossed in the federal hoosegow), and no one, that I saw, expressed any outrage that Sosa's name emerged only after a lot of people had their Fourth Amendment rights trampled. Instead, people demanded more names, more names, more names — hell, the whole damn list.

Wilstein didn't do any of this himself, of course, but this is his legacy as much as it is anyone's. (Geoff Baker, Mariners beat writer for the Seattle Times and the chairman of BWAA's Seattle chapter, called Wilstein one of "a select few" who worked diligently to uncover doping in baseball.) Wilstein is retired from sportswriting these days, seemingly content to be turned into an instrument by which his former profession simultaneously flays itself for not bulldogging the steroids story hard enough and congratulates itself for starting the conversation. He now writes children's stories.

McGwire Author Wilstein Nominated for Baseball Writers' Award [Bloomberg]
A Hall of Fame Find by a Sports Reporter [The New York Times]
Legal in baseball [SI.com]

(Updated additional quote in bold)

Lauren Brown contacted us exclusively to share some of the incidents she'd witnessed first hand while she was dating Mark's younger brother. She called off her engagement to Jay in 1996 due to his steroid use — specifically "roid rage" incidents. But, even though she has bad memories of their engagement and the person Jay was at that time, she claims he is absolutely telling the truth.

"I know the truth. It needs to be told. And why shouldn't Jay tell the story instead of some random media person? He knows the truth," she told me on the phone. "Why shouldn't he be the one telling this story? What's being said about him, that he's a bad person, is awful. People don't want to believe that a superstar is fallen. That Mark lied. Mark made his own choices. So did Jay, but he's owned up to them. I tip my hat off to him for that."

Brown says that she accompanied Jay to the 1996 Contra Costa Body Building Championship and, on the way there, they had to stop at Mark's house. "I remember asking why we didn't fly there — and why we had to drive." Now she assumes it was so Jay could transport the steroids. She says that while she was at Mark's house, she claims she saw steroids in Mark's refrigerator or actually "Several tubes of an injectible substance."

She says that she knew well enough that Jay was Mark's supplier at the time and that he also tried to get her to take steroids as well as part of her own training regiment. She did not. Brown also says that the fact Mark so carelessly left his steroids in plain view makes her believe that "he didn't think what they [Mark and Jay] were doing was wrong."

Brown also speculates that the steroids — and Jay's personal training of his big brother — were what forged a bond between them that wasn't there most of their lives. A bond that Jay longed for with his big brother, but could never seem to have for whatever reason.

But she also said that their relationship was combustible. That the arguments between the two of them over the phone were extremely violent and were, she claims, total roid rage arguments. "I could hear Mark yelling at Jay over the phone from about 20 yards away."

But why is Jay doing this now? Brown said, yes, there is a financial reason for him to do it, but that Jay's born again Christianity has changed him in so many ways that she doesn't think his intentions are malicious.

"Jay should be the one to tell the truth about what transpired. He was a first hand witness. Jay's faith catapulted him to stop steroids and live an honest life. Mark could learn a lot from his baby brother. After all, he was a better athlete with an unfortunate handicap that prevented him from going pro, " Brown said.

" I really think he has a burning desire to do what's right — it's not about trying to throw Mark under the bus. At least he was trying to do the right thing. I respect him for that. Mark, not so much."

Brown said she has no ill-will toward the McGwire's at all — no motivation to speak up on this issue besides the fact that she's also "been questioned about all this stuff for years" by many people who knew how close she was to the McGwire family.

"I'm just happy that Jay has gotten his life together and the truth about Mark will finally get out there. It's been too long."

• We were living in Southern California, so it was an hour flight to go to Northern California. When I went to see Mark in the summer of 1987, his rookie season with the Oakland A’s, I hung around the clubhouse and met all the players, including Jose Canseco, who never did get the story straight about Mark. That’s just part of what I’m here to tell you. Jose was different than my brother, obviously. I thought he was funny. He always had something to say about everything. Jose’s the kind of guy who dresses in the nice clothes. Mark dressed in jeans and plain button-down shirts—simple, conservative. Jose’s a more flamboyant guy with an outgoing personality. I never had a problem with him, but I know Mark never really cared for him that much or hung out with him. I think a natural rivalry, complete with jealousy on both sides, existed. Given their ages and talents, it was inevitable. Neither knew at the time which one of them would be the best of the Bash Brothers.

• Steroids promote muscle growth and healing, just what Mark needed. So I began selling the idea to Mark that steroids would boost his career. Major League Baseball did not have testing back then, and using the right combination of drugs would add muscle and aid his recovery power from the many dings and bruises of being a professional athlete. Clearly the use of steroids would allow him to avoid the injuries while adding the right amount of strength. I went to him and I said, “Mark, you have to do something about this.” I wasn’t thinking about altering baseball history; I only wanted to help my brother. I told him, “Mark, it’s no problem to get the stuff. All you need is some cash and I’ll get it for you.” He definitely wanted to look into it.

• Training Mark challenged me. And the way I trained him was kind of dangerous, using a hardcore blood-and-guts power routine that dates back to the Schwarzenegger days. Great things can be accomplished with this routine, but the possibility of injury is also great. Among those risks are pulled muscles or tears if you don’t know what you’re doing.

• However, Mark did gain the confidence you get from using steroids. There’s an invincibility factor that comes into play—nobody talks about that; they just talk about the physical results. But let me tell you: when you’re using, you feel indestructible, which is a great attitude to have when you step into a batter’s box and prepare to look at 90 mph fastballs. Steroids did that for Mark. When you get stronger and you put on muscle, you feel good about yourself. You feel good physically and emotionally. That applied to Mark’s swing. He literally grew into his status as a home run hero, which I don’t think would have happened had he not gained that confidence.

• As far as I know, Mark last did steroids prior to the 1998 season. He didn’t need to get any bigger and stronger after that. He didn’t want to look like a bodybuilder out there. He wanted to be a baseball player. So I switched him over to androstenedione, which kept the testosterone levels up. If you keep the testosterone levels up, even though “andro” is not steroids, it allows you to release more of the testosterone in your body. Even though andro could be purchased over the counter at the supplement stores, the discovery of andro in Mark’s locker by a member of the media caused a big stir in 1998.

Graphic via Bob's Blitz

"THE MCGWIRE FAMILY SECRET:The Truth about Steroids, a Slugger, and Ultimate Redemption" has been hitting the desks of the big publishing houses this week (and turned down by many) even though it may prove once and for all that, yes, America, Mark McGwire was pumped full of Deca-Durabolin when he hit 403 homers in seven years. That is if you believe, Jay, the youngest, least successful McGwire brother who lost an eye in a BB gun accident as a young boy (for real) then used the $150,000 insurance settlement he received from it to purchase high-end steroids and build himself into a 6-ft.3, 320 pound professional bodybuilder. Mark became interested in steroids once he saw the positive effects it had on his little brother's physique and to help him with his chronic injury problems . Jay began hooking his brother up with light dosages and the home run records began to fall. And why is Jay under-the-busing Mark like this you ask? Here's what he says:

"Mark is a man I think most would like to forgive because his reason wasn’t nefarious—it was for survival. My bringing the truth to surface about Mark is out of love. I want Mark to live in truth to see the light, to come to repentance so he can live in freedom—which is the only way to live. "

Oh, and, if you didn't know, he and Mark haven't spoken in quite some time.

Here are some excerpts from the proposal that will most likely never, ever hit a book store:

• "Shortly after I won the Contra Costa Bodybuilding Championships in May of 1994, Mark took the plunge. I accompanied him to Sacramento where we met with my supplier and trainer, who explained to him how the different drugs would work on his body and answered a myriad of questions from Mark. Given Mark’s curiosity and lack of knowledge about steroids I saw from Mark, I would be shocked if Mark did something like what Jose Canseco claimed happened back in the early years....[M]ark began to use, but in low dosages so he wouldn’t lift his way out of baseball. Deca-Durabolin helped with his joint problems and recovery, while growth hormone helped his strength, making him leaner in the process. I became the first person to inject him, like most first-timers he couldn’t plunge in the needle himself. Later a girlfriend injected him."

• "Prior to the 1998 season, [Mark] had reached a level where he did not need to get any stronger and he couldn’t afford to add any more weight. So I directed him to androstenedione testosterone booster, which is non-hormonal (which is why it can be sold legally and is not affected by the 2004 Anabolic Steroid Control Act) and works naturally with your body. “Andro” increases strength and aggression while promoting reduction of body fat and a leaner look to the physique....[U]sing andro allowed Mark to avoid all the potential adverse side effects that could occur from using anabolic steroids, such as water retention, hair loss, and liver, heart, or kidney stress. In addition, he wouldn’t have cholesterol problems or testicular atrophy. And there were no problems with the law."

• "We had Mark and his fiancée over one day to visit our house and things sort of got out of control with my nine-year-old stepson, Eric, when he bumped Mark accidentally and coffee spilled on Mark’s clothes. Mark picked him up and yelled at him and swatted him on his butt like a parent. After that you could hear a pin drop in that room. Everyone was shocked. This is where it all hit the fan, right before Mark’s wedding. That’s when the relationship got strained... It was uncharacteristic of Mark to do something like that. In St. Louis, he supported all these abused children foundations, even had his own foundation. I wouldn’t call a swat on the butt abuse, but it wasn’t his place. I’d never seen him react that way before; he just got pissed. He overreacted. After that my wife, Francine, didn’t want to go to the wedding. Mark was upset about that. The whole situation was just very irritable and not good. Now Francine doesn’t like him. And Dan has experienced the same thing; his wife doesn’t like Mark, either, but for different reasons."

• "Pleading the fifth just wasn’t the way to go. I thought he received some bad advice from the attorneys on that tact. I sat there hoping he would confess. Even though we’d had a falling out, I felt for Mark; he took a beating that day. Had he just taken the same route as Jason Giambi or Andy Pettitte, and said he was sorry, nobody would be worried about what he did today. He didn’t. Still, on TV that day, I didn’t want to see him mess up. I was pulling for him... I’ve heard speculation that Mark will never get into the Hall of Fame. To some that might really get to them. Take Pete Rose. I think he would cut off his left arm to be enshrined in Cooperstown. Not Mark. I don’t think being in the Hall of Fame matters a lick to him."

• "Who knows what might have happened if I didn’t get Mark involved with all the training, supplements, the right foods, steroids, and HGH. He would not have broken any records and the Congressional Hearings would have gone on without him. Maybe Barry Bonds wouldn’t have ever gotten involved with the stuff, either. Mark McGwire might have gone silently into the night long before breaking Roger Maris’ home run record. But that’s just not the way it went down, so we’ll never know. But at least I feel better about setting the record straight."

No new blood other than Rickey managed to get the 5% of votes required to remain the ballot. A few got no votes at all. (It's okay. I still love you, Ron Gant.)

It's just as well, though, because now those players don't have to suffer the indignity of 15 years spent hovering in the 20-25% range, miles away from induction—or worse, the 60% range where you know that another 40 or 50 votes could put you over the top, but the old curmudgeons of the BBWAA won't die off fast enough for you to move up the ranks. Just ask Bert Blyleven what that's like.

But the real crime is that we have to sit through 12 more years of the Mark McGwire debate. (And many more after his Congressional lying buddies become eligible.) McGwire, the eighth-leading home run hitter of all time, got 118 votes. That's ten fewer than he got last year and about 300 fewer than he needs for admission.

Ten years ago, Mark McGwire was America's greatest champion, but now he's just a stupid musclehead who rescued his sport only so that he could destroy it. He will pay for the sins of an entire generation of baseball players who may or may not have taken shortcuts through a system specifically designed to encourage and reward such behavior. (And to those who try to say now that his accomplishments are "marginal" or "one-dimensional" with or without steroids? Stop it. You're not kidding anyone.)

Everyone has an opinion about McGwire and steroids and the times we live in, and he does have some vocal supporters. But for most, it's a reverse protest vote against ... what exactly? Because he didn't tell you what you wanted to hear at that Congressional hearing, even though you don't even know what you wanted to hear and, honestly, you didn't want to hear it anyway. You didn't want to hear it in 1998 and you don't want to hear it now. I don't see any of the people crying about the inflated numbers of the late '90s and '00s lining up to reward Don Mattingly or Alan Trammell, clearly among the best of their "clean era." You wanted big numbers? Well, guess what—you got 'em. Now you gotta live with it, unless you want a Hall that only contains David Eckstein.

Maybe by the time his eligibility winds down, enough people will have given up or forgotten or enough new people who don't care will be given a vote, and McGwire will sneak in the way Jim Rice did. (Maybe Rice finally got in as a subtle dig at McGwire himself?) Perhaps in a few years when guys like Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens are being denied, people will see how ridiculous they are being and open the Hall up to all the players who rose above the best of their times (and many others times too.)

By the way, the only person who didn't weigh in this year? Baseball writer Mark McGuire, of the Albany Times-Union, who I think showed admirable restraint by staying out of it.

From Agee to Zisk - the “No Votes” of the Baseball Hall of Fame [Home Run Derby]
McGwire does not pick up Hall support [MLB.com]
Steward: Is it time to re-evaluate Mark McGwire's status? [Berryessa Sun]
Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens could get Hall snub [LA Times]
McGwire snub telling [Seattle Times]
Voters Cannot Forgive or Forget Suspicions of McGwire’s Drug Use [NY Times]

Here's a portion of LaRussa's conversation with Brian Burwell of the St. Louis Post Dispatch on Monday. Question: Did McGwire take steroids?

"Well, that's what you believe and you're probably right according to testimony, but that's not what I believe," La Russa said. "I watched Mark McGwire work."

I interrupted him.

"Wait a minute, Tony. You still don't believe McGwire used performance-enhancing drugs?"

"Absolutely not."

"Come on."

"Absolutely not," he said. "If you see Mark today, he still looks like he did then."

"No, he doesn't," I said.

"Yes, he does," La Russa said.

"No, he doesn't," I repeated.

La Russa tossed his hands in the air and looked at me in frustration. "Are you asking for my opinion or yours?" he said.

"I'm asking your opinion," I said. "But we're having a conversation, and I'm disagreeing with you."

And now here's LaRussa, on his reputation of harboring steroid users:

One way I was taught to survive is my No. 1 accountability factor is myself. This is my 30th year doing this at the major league level. There isn't anybody — the commissioner, our owner, the fans, you — there isn't any person, man or woman, who can make me any more accountable than I am now right now because of myself. And I know there isn't anything we've done in all those years that was — with one small exception where we stole signs, a little hiccup — there isn't anything else that has happened on our ballclubs in Oakland or St. Louis that there's a hint of illegality. There isn't anything that we didn't actively and proactively attempt to do it right."

Now to new business: The Great Scott Spiezio Experiment is over. The Cardinals on Wednesday released the infielder after learning that and arrest warrant had been issued on him by the Irvine Police Department on six charges stemming from a crash in late December.

The warrant alleges driving under the influence, driving under the influence with a blood alcohol content of .08 percent or more, hit and run, aggravated assault, assault and battery.

Yikes. However, Paul S. Meyer, Spiezio's lawyer in Irvine, released a brief statement saying, "We anticipate a successful resolution to this misdemeanor matter." OK, then.

This has been your St. Louis Cardinals roundup for today. By tomorrow I expect to be fired, or possibly bludgeoned with a circus mallet. Goodbye.

LaRussa On McGwire, Others In The Mitchell Report [St. Louis Post Dispatch]
Cards Relesae Spiezio After Arrest Warrant Issued [St. Louis Post Dispatch[

Their sex life really slumped, however, when Bonds started taking steroids, driven by jealousy after Mark McGwire began receiving piles of press for his pursuit of Roger Maris' single-season home run record. Bell told Playboy that Bonds suffered from sexual dysfunction, one side effect of steroid use. He tried Viagra several times but didn't like it because it affected his vision and stuffed up his nose.

His body had grown thicker, his back was pocked with acne, his hair had fallen out and his testicles had shriveled when Bonds asked his former mistress if she thought anyone would suspect he was on the juice. "Do I look bloated?" Bonds wanted to know. "Does it look funny? Do you think this is obvious?"

Bell also recounts that when Bonds first began taking steroids, his personality changed, and that she thought that his fits of rage were because he "had PMS, like a woman." Woooeee. And you thought you were embarrassed when your ex-girlfriend outed your love of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants on her Facebook page.

Barry Bonds' Ex-Mistress Details Star's Steroid Use, Temper [NY Daily News]

It's not even so much that we disagree with him; it's just that he's so sanctimonious about everything. And it's pretty funny how he always talks all tough to the media and then gets before Congress and is all, "Steroids? Wha? OK, maybe baseball has steroids. Maybe. Not sure. Could be!"

Anyway, he's hammering Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire again.

"If someone wrote that stuff [Game Of Shadows] about me and I didn't sue, am I not admitting that there's some legitimacy to it?" Schilling said on the "Costas Now" program. "It goes to the Mark McGwire thing in Congress. I mean, I'm a huge Mark McGwire fan. But I just always thought it was very simple: If you did something and someone asks you if you did it and you didn't do it, you say no. Any other answer than no is some form of yes, isn't it?"

You just have to admire how much tougher Schilling is on steroids when, you know, he's not under oath or, you know, sitting right next to one of the guys he's talking about. By the way, when Bonds was asked about Schilling's comments to Bob Costas, he said, "You mean that little midget man who absolutely knows jack ... about baseball, who never played the game before? You can tell Bob Costas what I called him." For the record, "midget" is considered an offensive term to describe little people. It is not, however, considered an offensive term to describe Bob Costas.

Schilling Takes On Bonds, McGwire [MLB.com]

We appreciated Lone Star Ball's stance on this: "Yay! Now let's call up Jason Botts."

Seriously, though, now that Sammy Sosa has his 600 homers — and still has his defenders, in Chicago and elsewhere — the question arises: Is he going to make the Hall of Fame? Obviously, his numbers say he should be in there ... but so do Mark McGwire's.

Surprisingly, almost everyone at ESPN thinks he should be in, which is odd, we think. The majority of "voters" say that because he's never tested positive for any steroids, they shouldn't be a factor in any decision making. Which doesn't make any sense, because McGwire never tested positive either, and no one's rushing to put him in the Hall. We're not saying Sosa shouldn't be in, or he should, but any decision you'd make on him, you'd have to apply the same to McGwire.

But really: Where's Jason Botts?

Sammy Hits 600, But Will He Go To The Hall? [UmpBump]
Standing Up For Sammy [100 Percent Injury Rate]
Sammy Hits 600 [Lone Star Ball]

One of our favorites ones ever, we had to point out today. The site's editor, the esteemed Larry Borowsky, was called for jury duty and underwent that whole voir dire business. And his site, the Cardinals and Mark Mcgwire came up. First, from the prosecuting attorney:

He asked me what type of writing i do, and i gave him a quick description of my client base and said, "that's most of it" or something like that. "most of it," he says; "what's the rest of it?" "i also write a blog."

Q: a blog? [raised eyebrow] about what?
A: the st louis cardinals baseball team.
Q: oh. [pause] how do you feel about mark mcgwire being kept out of the hall of fame?
A: well, i'm not all that interested in the hall. but i do think he cheated with steroids.

At this point, the defense attorney took over.

Q: mr borowsky, how you can you be convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that mcgwire used steroids?
A: i'm not convinced beyond a reasonable doubt.
Q: but you said that you think he cheated with steroids.
A: that's right —- i do think he cheated. but mcgwire's not on trial, so the beyond-a-reasonable-doubt standard doesn't really apply.
Q: i see. so if you were judging him in a court of law, you'd apply a more rigorous standard of proof before you'd convict him —- is that correct?
A: yes sir.

This is what happens when you answer honestly: You get stuck on the jury. See you next week, Larry.

I Have To Try [Viva El Birdos]
Deadspin Field Trip: The Cardinals Win The World Series [Deadspin]

The Cardinals commissioned the statue after McGwire hit 70 homers in 1998, obliterating Roger Maris' 37-year-old record. There's a place set aside for it alongside other mini-monuments to Cardinals legends outside Busch Stadium.

But the bronze is draped in cloth, hidden in a downtown warehouse. Its place in the limelight has been thrown into question, like so much of McGwire's legacy, by suspicion that steroid use enhanced his career.

The Cardinals say their statues are just for Hall of Famers, so when McGwire makes it to the Hall of Fame — cough, not bloody likely, cough — they'll take the statue out of mothballs. (Do statues require mothballs? We doubt it.) Of course, the Cardinals have already named the stretch of interstate outside Busch Stadium "The Mark McGwire Highway," though they'd probably like to take that one back too. They really should name it after Willie McGee and be done with it.

Cardinals Keeping McGwire Statue In The Dark [Steroid Nation]

"I had an absolutely wonderful career that I am very proud of," McGwire said. "I'm not in control of what happens - I was in control of hitting the ball."

We congratulate Levy for his "scoop," and hope it helps him on the track to a career in sports journalism. Just think, Adam: In four years, you too could be covering women's high school golf, or, if you're lucky, logging agate text on the overnight shift, rooting for that Thrashers-Coyotes game to avoid overtime so you can get to sleep before 4 a.m.

Also. We speak from four years of college newspaper experience here, Adam: This scoop will not get you laid. Trust us.

McGwire Speaks About Hall Snub [Daily Titan]

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch appears to have jumped the gun on Hall of Fame voting results — and they don't have final totals — but it looks like there's no surprise: Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken are in ... and, obviously, Mark McGwire is out. (And likely not close.) Actual announcement in about five minutes.

UPDATE: Final totals are in:

Cal Ripken: 98.5 percent
Tony Gwynn: 97.6 percent

Falling just short: Goose Gossage, at 71.2 percent. You need 75 percent to make it. Next year, Goose.

As for Mark McGwire ... he's at 23 percent. That's enough to keep him on the ballot next year.

The suspiciously named company Universal Medical Systems Inc. — with the assistance of Drs. Avrami S. Grader and Dr. Philip M. Halleck from The Center for Quantitative Imaging at Penn State, obviously — took images of 1998 baseballs and after the CT scan concluded that the ball was juiced.

However, MLB COO, Bob DuPuy says that the inside of a baseball hasn't been changed since 1977 and that Drs. Avrami S. Grader and Phillip M. Halleck have apparently stuck their faces under a CT machine one time too often.

"All of our balls are subject to rigorous quality control standards and testing conducted by Rawlings," he said.

Mine too.

Company Claims '98 Baseballs Are Juiced [ABC News]

Well, as pretty much everyone has weighed in on now, Mark McGwire is on the Hall of Fame ballot, and it's got everybody's panties in a bunch. We typically get exhausted by Hall of Fame debates anyway — they're like regular sports debates, except it's about stuff that ended a decade ago — but this one is the ultimate doozy, because it allows people to dither and blather about steroids some more. Because those conversations never get exhausting.

Some say McGwire should be out, some say he should be in, some say they aren't sure (though we're not sure what information they're waiting for). Our view is that McGwire is in, along with Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa and probably even Rafael Palmeiro, because steroids just don't fire us up as much as they're apparently supposed to. We promise this is the last time we're going to mention that fact; we honestly just don't care that much.

But we can guarantee you that the number of words devoted to this topic will exceed the number of words written about the NFL's steroid issues by a ratio of about 4,421 to 1.

Poll Results [Baseball Musings]
Big Mac Worthy Of The Hall? I Think Not [Seth Mnookin]

We like this picture, by the way, from one of those old Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues. They couldn't do a shot from the back, lest the SI PhotoShop wizards be forced into air-brushing.

Anyway, if you feel like the word "steroids" is fraying your funny bone, take heart: McSweeney's Ben Greenman — also an editor at The New Yorker has weighed in with one of his classic news-event-as-Broadway-musical routines, this time setting the saga of Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, et al, to music. How it starts:

MARK McGWIRE:
I'm skinny.
I'm scrawny.
I'd rather be brawny.
But bulking up is such hard labor.
I won't do It without
An easier route.
Maybe I'll go ask my neighbor.
(McGWIRE trots next door, where he finds his friend, JOSE CANSECO.)

All kinds of goofy silliness, enough to cheer a fellow even in the midst of roid rage. Well, except Bonds. He only laughs while in drag.

Fragments From "Steroids! The Musical" [McSweeney's]

We won't give away TMFTML's best line, but we'll say that this picture has had us giggling all day. But hey. We're not here to talk about the past.

Who Would The Meth Equivalent Of Mr. Brownstone Be? [TMFTML]