Deadspin: mark prior

Coach Who Said Hitler Was A Good Leader Wants To Run For Congress

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 06:30:00 EDT

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Lou Holtz is contemplating a run for Congress. Obviously he just wants out of his ESPN analyst deal so he can update his Twitter again.

•For only $29, you can buy standing room only tickets to Cowboys games! Problem is, there's no standing section, you've just got to mill about the stadium and hope security doesn't ask you to move.

•The numbers tell the story: moving the 3-point line back hasn't changed the rate of threes taken, or made. This means crappy teams with a 150-lb white guy who can shoot will continue to make it to the Sweet 16.

•Pistons rookie has bet with porn star to see who can be the first to 4,000. That's 4,000 Twitter followers, not sexual partners.

•LA Times goes ahead and predicts a Dodgers-Angels World Series. So instead of 28 fanbases not caring about baseball the last week of October, it'll be 30.

•Here it is, the definitive Tiger Woods career timeline, in graphic form. As expected, lots of happy Tiger faces and piles of money.

•San Diego releases Mark Prior after a "lack of improvement." He hasn't improved in six years, he probably wasn't about to get good by September.

Now go put the coffee up. Wednesdays can be rough.

You're never gonna believe which pitcher...

Will Leitch — Fri, 16 May 2008 10:30:02 EDT

You're never gonna believe which pitcher is hurt again. [Rumors And Rants]

The Cubs Finally Rid Themselves Of Their Savior

Leitch — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:40:21 EST

This was lost in all the shuffle yesterday, so we held it for today. So: As a Cardinals fan, allow us a brief moment of sublime amusement at the Cubs' release of Mark Prior. (Not least of which because the Cardinals are reportedly very interested in the man.)

As any Cub fan can tell you, Mark Prior has been Exhibit A in the endless run of pain since the Bartman moment in 2003. He was, in a way, the ultimate Cubs pitcher: Unlimited promise, nothing but heartbreak and disappointment afterwards. The jettisoning is surely a net positive for the organization, which needed to move on, but if he comes around and fulfills that promise for another team — particularly if it's the Cardinals — Cubs fans will never stop banging their heads against the wall.

Cubs Cut Ties With Prior [Chicago Tribune]

Fun With Rampant Irresponsible Steroid Speculation!

Leitch — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:15:10 EDT

Rangers "closer" Eric Gagne is hurt again — this time it's his hip — and his impending absence allows everyone, once again, to play the great early-season He's Hurt Because He's Off Steroids Now game. It's fun because we have no idea!

Some early season suspicions include:

• Gagne.
• Mark Prior.
• Jason Schmidt.

And that's just the pitchers, and we're not even counting Roger Clemens yet. It is comforting, in a way, to be able to act as if injuries have some natural, reasoned ancestor, particularly if it's a salacious one. This is the mess we have been handed, so it's little wonder we grasp. We're probably right more often than we even realize.

Gagne Hurt. We're Shocked! [Rumors And Rants]

OK, Maybe Everyone Should Boo Dusty

Leitch — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 15:02:52 EDT

OK, we understand that he had thrown a lot of pitches, and that he had walked five guys, and that the score was 0-0 and that he has been injured enough to need to be coddled a bit.

But we still just threw a blunt object across the room.

For those who aren't checking their GameTracker, Chicago Cubs pitcher Mark Prior was throwing a no-hitter in the bottom of the sixth inning against the Mets. With two outs, he walked Carlos Beltran. Manager Dusty Baker then went to the mound ... and pulled him! Will Ohman then came in and got Carlos Delgado to ground out to keep the no-hitter going.

Yes, yes, we know: The Cubs are in a tight pennant race. (!!!!!) But we're of the belief that went someone has a no-hitter, they stay in the game even if they walk the bases loaded 10 times and give up eight runs. Sorry. It's a no-hitter. We love those things too much.

Grrr. At least the Cubs bullpen is reliable.

(UPDATE: The no-hitter was broken up by a misplayed pop-up. Ah, the Cubs.)

Mark Prior Knows Not Of Your "Blogs"

Leitch — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 11:45:01 EST

In the past, we've received emails saying we should check out Mark Prior's MySpace page. We've grown increasingly skeptical of alleged athlete MySpace profiles, if just because, well, about 85 percent of the time they're fake.

Well, an enterprising reporter at the Chicago Tribune's sports blog went to ask Prior if the profile was real. Prior's answer should help illustrate how important most athletes consider the Interweb.

Sully: "Do you have a blog?"
Prior: "What's a blog?"
Sully: "A Web site where you post items."
Prior: "No, I don't have a Web site."
Sully: "Did you know there was a blog with your name on it?"
Prior: "Is it that My Space thing?"

Of course, anybody paying attention knows that Prior couldn't handle a Web site; it would somehow end up getting him injured.

Mark's Space? [ChicagoSports.com]

Why Is This Man So Excited?

Leitch — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 17:20:37 EDT

This is Astros closer Brad Lidge, and in this picture anyway, he's a very excited young man. (It obviously was not taken Monday.) There are many reasons he might be so happy. He could have just closed out an Astros victory. He could have learned that he wasn't going to be a lot of money for his car insurance. Or, according to The Bulge Report, he could have a Johnson the size of the Big Unit.

Yep. Presumedly gay-skewing Web site The Bulge Report — which appears to have a bunch of pictures of celebrities with an outline of their package through their clothes — has released the list of the 100 baseball players with the most impressive dimensions, as reported by media, lockroom attendants, scouts, teammates, so on. It's subscription only, so, you know, if you're into that type of thing.

Thankfully (or not, whatever), we know someone like that, who forwarded us the list. They haven't posted the top 10 yet, but we have a few excerpts, including from our man Lidge.

No. 11: Brad Lidge. very hung; damn near 9" soft
No. 17: Chris Young. Very thick & uncut; huge & long like Jeff Francis, but not quite as big.
No. 13: Mark Prior. So hung he has a specially constructed jockstrap that allows his cock to point upwards to not get in the way of his windup.

So, there you have it. Best part about that Prior post? The source for that is listed as "agent." Man, we need that agent!

Bulge Report (Not Safe For Work, by the way. But you probably guessed that.)