We noted last night that ESPN corporate parent Disney shoved a bunch of hilariously bad references to the college football playoff games on New Year’s Eve into yesterday’s episode of General Hospital. Commenter JortReform noted that even Disney Jr. had been running tie-in promos, and we caught one of them on TV today.…
In what will probably go down as the most effective marketing ploy directed solely at white people since the invention of gourmet mayonnaise, the Indiana Pacers have announced that the team will wear Hickory High jerseys—the very same worn by the fictional high school basketball team in the movie Hoosiers—during a…
McDonald's, the molded plastic king of America's molded plastic cuisine, has decided that money will no longer suffice to purchase its meager offerings; the company now demands that you degrade yourself in order to be fed.
YOGURT DIP SCANDAL? Here are the bare facts:
You, the American consumer, do not know any science, but you do know you want all of those "artificial flavors" and "artificial colors" out of your processed garbage food. Or at least you want to believe they're out.
The Yogurt Wars continue to descend to previously unimaginable depths of depravity. Now Yoplait is touting the fact that it is tastier than Chobani. Fine. Dog poop may be more toothsome than cow shit, but at least it has the decency not to crow about it.
The fast food industry cares about the health of your kids. That's why the fast food industry is self-regulating when it comes to marketing their meat-poison to children. And self-regulation always works. That's why kids are still eating tons of fast food.
If you're like the average American, your experience of major horse races centers on one: the Kentucky Derby. Perhaps you know a bit more about the sport and follow the Preakness and the Belmont as well, putting a bit of money down in the same spirit in which you'd pick a bracket and talking up Triple Crown winners…
You, the ruminant-like American consumer, "chewing your cud" (Cheetos) on your voluminous reclining chair as you passively absorb advertising messages for processed food conglomerates: which fast food ad do you relate to the most? The fake healthy place. Huh.
You like coffee? Yeah, I used to like coffee. I'm kind of over that now. I've evolved past that. I've advanced into tea. Tea is kind of the new "thing," for me and my 300 million closest friends, the citizens of the United States of America.
You hear all these so-called "health experts" and "emergency room doctors gazing at our insulin levels in amazement" today who tell us, "Hey, don't drink so much soda," or "Hey, how can you put Mountain Dew in your baby's bottle, you monster?" They're always telling us to drink more water. But water is gross. What to…
Amar'e Stoudemire, himself synonymous with scratched retinas, torn-up knees and uninsurable contracts, was emotionally blackmailed this week by a pushy contractor working for the University of Louisville's marketing department, and subsequently donated $2,500 to that department so it could invest in 1,000 "big heads"…
Evil Enterprises Inc., owners of a website with the URL baseballsevilempire.com which currently will not load due to a malware warning—probably Yankee tampering—recently filed a trademark claim for the term "Baseballs Evil Empire," which was sniffed out and promptly disputed by the lawyers employed by Basbeball's Evil…
Lance Armstrong probably doesn't feel like a grand prize this week. But he is.
Here are the companies that, in the last 10 hours or so, have announced they will end, not renew, or otherwise quietly distance themselves from their endorsement deals with Lance Armstrong.
Things are bad for Lance Armstrong these days. Marketing wizards have been trying to find out just how bad and the answer is "extremely."
It must have been written into the Eagles' contract with the Angry Birds video game empire that cartoon Andy Reid cannot be fat. Instead the Eagles coach is impossibly muscular at a press conference introducing the newest members of the team: Red Bird, Yellow Bird, and, I don't know, the other birds.
What's the saying? If you'll keg stand for something, you'll fall for anything? Promoters of the Preakness Stakes must believe it. Turns out that Kegasus, spokesbeast for the Preakness and the best mascot in all of sports, is a sham.
Griffin, the sure-to-be second pick in Thursday's draft, was announced last week as Subway's newest pitchman. He's in New York today, where he was greeted by a larger-than-life bust lovingly crafted out of barbecue chicken and various sandwich toppings. ("The hair Is peppers and the teeth are garlic.")