I'm not sure I want to know. But Dan Steinberg of DC Sports Bog endeavors to find out. First this quote from freshman center Yemi Oyefuwa.

And the other approach? Well, I'll just let Oyefuwa, a very civilized Londoner, speak for the other approach. "Every month I choose a child," she told me. "Sometimes it's one from back home, sometimes it's someone from this country. You try to pick the juicy ones, the ones with nice hair, delicious ones, pretty eyes, because you know, the eyes are the best."

Apparently the slogan was born during a Midnight Madness dance routine, sophomore forward Emery Wallace yelling out "We eat kids!" as a way to keep up the motivation with her teammates. Dance routine? Anyway,Wallace got it from Mike Tyson, who once famously told Evander Holyfield that he would eat his kids. It caught on, even though half the team apparently has no idea what it means.

"She's not stable," star forward Marissa Coleman pointed out about Wallace. The players started writing it on the white board before games, underneath the three keys provided by the coaching staff. They began putting their fists together and shouting it before leaving the room. They return to the message at halftime, with Wallace tailoring her exact advice based on the first-half performance. "She'll be like, 'We're halfway through the kids' body now, keep going,' " Oyefuwa explained. "It's not like we played bad, you already had the head, you already had the hair."

Hannibal Lecter, Sweeney Todd and Titus Andronicus all approve.

I had UConn winning this thing, but I think I'll change my bracket.

Maryland's Women's Team Eats Kids [DC Sports Bog]

First up at 3:20, we've got a surprising Maryland squad going up against Memphis in Kansas City. As you may remember, Maryland beat Cal in the first round to win the opportunity to run into John Calipari's well-oiled hair team. Considering no one thought Maryland would a) make the tournament and b) win their first round matchup, making a bold prediction seems like a silly proposition here. Memphis had a tough time with their first round opponent Cal State-Northridge, but let's be honest — they were probably all half asleep.

At 3:35, Connecticut takes on Texas A&M in Philadelphia. This one could be more painful than one of those Texas A&M pretend soldiers squeezing his nuts at a football game. Jim Calhoun's back on the sidelines for UConn and Mark Turgeon is still on the sidelines for Texas A&M. I feel bad for people who actually spent money on tickets for today's session in Philly.

Enjoy the games. I'm having some internet hiccups so bear with the light posting.

*A man can dream, folks. A man can dream.

Hi, my name is Rob from Blazing With Phelps and I'm blogging into you LIVE from beautiful Annapolis, Md. I hope you like my attempts to look funny. If you don't, then my name is Greg from Blazing With Phelps.

I'm also going to attempt the Sussman Special of the little pictures with the score thing. So we'll see if my degree of difficulty can offset some of my execution score.

This is a game between the streaky team I root for in Maryland and a Cal team that just seems really boring. Cal brings guard Jerome Randle, who is very good at three-point shooting, and we counter with Greivis Vasquez, who is good at talking trash and having rosy cheeks. Certainly the matchup to watch in this game. Let's get it on!


*********

Postgame: Well, that's it and that's all. Thanks for following along, and if you liked my liveblog, please check out my site and have all your friends check it out as well. Also, if you happen to go to Maryland, you should read my columns in the newspaper. I think that's all I've got as far as pimping myself out.

I'd like to especially thank Suss for orchestrating all of this today and putting up with my roughly 43 e-mails I sent him asking if I was doing this right in the past few days. Truly an American hero.

5:07 PM: The Vivacious Venuzuelan Sensantion is named the player of the game with 27 points. But how about Adrian Bowie's 12 and 7 assists? Next up is a date with Memphis. Final score: 84-71.

5:05 PM: Before I could even click "save," Greivis scored five points. Yikes. 82-71, Cal's not fouling, we'll see you in the round of 32.

5:04 PM: This game isn't over. Cal fouls the "Guy You Don't Want to Foul" (Hayes) and he naturally misses one. Then some long-haired man named Gutierrez hits an and-one and it's an 8-point game. 1:27 left, hopefully we'll jst grin and "bear" it!!234.

5:02 PM: 2:11 to go and the Terps are holding on, 76-66. This game has made me believe that Cal and Maryland are basically the same team, because Cal has played Bad Maryland Basketball.

4:59 PM: What's up with the Craig Ferguson "they told me not to play basketball or I'd break this vase" ad? Is he supposed to look badass because he broke a vase? Is this funny? I'm so full of questions. Maryland by 11.

4:56 PM: Dave Neal was left wide open for the dagger but missed it. Terps by 13 with 3:32 to go and we're on commercial. 13 isn't too much when playing a team that can start drilling threes though, so this is by no means over. Also, we're Maryland, so 50 isn't too big a lead.

4:53 PM: Holy crap, Dino brings the God-damned thunder just now. "That's what Dino Gregory brings," say the announcers. This is horribly untrue but I will take it. Maryland by 15.

4:52: Maryland is starting to pull away. 72-59 and even legally dead Dino Gregory just made a great hustle play and got a tip-in. It's Terp ball, too.

4:49 PM: Great play all-around just now as Bowie scrambles and makes a Scheyerface while recovering a loose ball to Greivis, who gets the and-one to bring the lead back to 10 (Apparently there was a Randle 3 I missed). Neal jersey-dirts a shot in and it's 68-56. I can't even barely keep up right now; a 3 from Cal makes it 68-59.

4:47 PM: Vasquez's game is feeling like he's been slighted by someone and feeding off of it. I'm on the record that I've never been a huge fan of his, but the guy shows up to play every day and he plays his heart out. You don't have to like him, but I respect him.

4:44 PM: Greivis steals, drives, lays in. Gives the old "shush" sign to the crown, which sounds like it's really pro-Maryland. But you tell 'em, Greivis. Terps, 63-53.

4:43 PM: We get lots of guys in foul trouble. And then Vasquez shoots an airball. Sheesh. He is emotional and rosy-cheeked about it.

4:42 PM: Apparently I ripped the Nic Cage hate from Saberhagendaaz. Have I mentioned his awesome post on Avoiding the Drop?

4:39 PM Gawker just did something weird, so sorry if there's some shady thing happening on this page. I was typing a whole ordeal about Maryland's current 9-0 run. Eddie Munster hit a wide-open three, gobbled up a rebound on the other end, and then Milbourne mademe look stupid for saying three minutes ago that he couldn't hit threes. Hustle plays 59, three-ball 51.

4:37 PM: The referees in this game have called a ton of travels. Milbourne thinks about a three and then remembers he can't shoot those. Bowie hits a crazy angle layup and it's Terps by 2.

4:34 PM: Speaking of that Nic Cage movie, when his kid goes "are we going to die?" And Nic Cage goes "I would never let that happen." I mean, really? Like, everyone dies. Your kid is immortal? You're a bad movie parent, Nic Cage, and I hate you.

4:32 PM: And we're back from Purdue evening up my bracket. This has turned out to be a pretty interesting game. Cal takes the lead, 51-50 at the 12-minute mark. Their shooting seem to be shaping up. "Dave Neal keeps opportunities alive. He does the grunt work." Milbourne to the line after yet another commercial. Oh, hey Nic Cage. Kill yourself.

4:30 PM: Robertson converted and Bowie missed on the other end. Cal ball with a chance to take their first lead.... and they do. Jumper from Boykin. What a great time to switch away, CBS. Great. 47-46 Cal.

4:26 PM: CBS has switched over to Purdue-UNI unannounced. Holy crap, what a game this is. Robertson's basket counted for Cal and the foul was on Mosley. I legitimately think that they called a TV timeout in the Maryland game to switch over to Purdue. "Hey guys, this game's interesting. Stop playing for a sec ad check this out."

4:25 PM: Here come the threes. Greivis is answered by Robertson. I'll tell you what: If Cal starts hitting any small amount more of three pointers, the Terps are in trouble. Sugar Sean with a lay-in, 46-42 Terps with 15:17 to go.

4:22 PM: Dave Hustleplay gets to the line after picking up a ball that Sugar Sean Mosley couldn't grab. Then he hustles down the court an hacks Robertson so he can't get an easy dunk. Hustlehustlehustle dirty uniform hustle.

4:20 PM: Vasquez makes a layup off of a Neal screen. Man, Neal does all the small stuff like screens and going for loose balls and drawing walks.

4:18 PM: Handles McRandle gets an and-one after Greivis bricks a three. If you picked this game based on whose cheerleaders are hotter, your team is currently down 36-34. Anyways there have been lots of charges in this game.

4:17 PM: Second half just started and that was a scary moment where my whole liveblog erased because the internet hates me. The guy I partied with in high school just hit a shot and we're up 36-31 with the ball, under a minute gone in the half.

Still halftime again: Also from that game against Cal, I was sitting right next to the visitors' section and all the Cal fans kept doing something that looked like the Florida Gator chomp. Anyone know what the idea behind that is? The best I could think of was that it was the "bear trap," but why would Bears fans want to do a bear trap? Anyways, the second half is starting in a minute.

Still halftime: If you're enjoying this... thanks. Also thanks to everyone who has checked out my blog lately. Which reminds me, this game is an important matchup between probably the two best state flags in America. On one side we have the badass Maryland flag. What could be cooler than that? How about a ferocious bear, ready to strike? I say the winner of this game gets the "best flag" recognition.

Halftime: Hey, speaking of Cal-Maryland, remember this? Jahvid Best doesn't. I was in the stands and the sound that hit made was just sickening. Sickeningly awesome.

3:54 PM: With a second left, one Maryland player throws it off another and out of bounds. Fortunately, Cal is stupider than we are and Robertson tries to ball fake with a second left and never gets the shot off. 34-31 at half. I'm going to try to get my funny little pictures to work.

3:52 PM: You know, for the best 3-point shooting team in the country, Cal sucks at free throws.

3:50 PM: Just seconds remaining in the first half. If I know Maryland, here comes a layup from Cal and we miss our shot so all our hard work ends up as a halftime tie.

3:47 PM: The announcers for the game are revealed as Tim Brando and Mike Gminski. Is it a rule somewhere tthat a former Duke player has to broadcast every Maryland game? Screw Mike Gminski.

3:46 PM: The scoring is picking back up as Cal hits a 3. 32-30, good guys. Bad guys going to the line.

3:45 PM: The announcers are referring to ave Neal as "Dave," like he's their buddy that just got picked up into this game and doesn't belong. Which is an apt description. "I don't think opponents respect him," they say.

3:42 PM: So much for Chattanooga. Someone with a scary facemask just hit a free throw.

3:39 PM: TV timeout. This game started pretty well, but both teams have looked pretty sloppy as of late. Dino Gregory is in the game, which scares me because he's not talented at basketball. He did take a solid charge though, so there was that. But offensively, both teams could be looking better. Cal is just 2/10 from three right now.

3:37 PM: I love when refs get really pumped about a charge and throw the arm out all dramatically. HELL YEAH, GOING THE OTHER WAY BROTHER!!!!

3:35 PM: Vasquez tries his shot I clued you in on earlier, except it doesn't go. That came off of a Dave Neal Hustle play. Dave Neal is the Eckstein of Maryland basketball. He loves getting his jersey dirty.

3:33 PM: Maryland is such a weird team this year. Nobody on the team actually has a legitimate basketball position. We don't have a point or a center. Everyone's just kind of like, 6'6" with a good midrange jumper. Also, we're killing ourselves in this game right now with turnovers. 24-23 and Cal ball.

3:30 PM: Another commercial break, still 24-21. Terps have walked the past two times down, which also counts for the first two times travelling has been called in a basketball game since 1984. Greivis and Handles Randle both have 9 with 7 and a half to go in the first.

3:28 PM: Eddie Munster spots up for two. A weird white guy for Cal tries a shady shot and hits the side of the backboard. Turtles 24-21 before Landon "D.J. Strawberry" Milbourne walks and turns it over. When Strawberry and Milbourne were on the same team, it must have been confusing as hell to people. I mean, they look exactly alike.

3:26 PM: Big alley-oop for Cal. I wish there was a stat on giving up momentum-shifting plays. We do it more than anyone in the country. Remember Gerald Henderson's thunder dunk in the second game we played against them this year? Yikes.

3:24 PM: "The handle for Randle!" Apparently Maryland-Cal is a 1940's championship boxing match. Greivis hits a 3, it's 22-17 couch burners.

3:22 PM: Looking at the comments, I have to agree with The Boy Wonder's nickname for Greivis, "the headcase who becomes less than useless once you get him frustrated." But you forgot to mention that he's from Venuzuela.

3:19 PM: Cal opens up the 3-pt arsenal with a deep one from Patrick Christopher. 17-15 Terps at commercial with 11:38 left in the half.

3:17 PM: The Venezuelan Vanguard hits two free throws and it's Terps by six. The leading scorer right now is Dave Neal, who showed up at a party a friend of mine threw in high school. This was a big moment for me.

3:15 PM: Okay, what's up with this "Vivacious Venuzuelan" shit? Why is the media trying to force it on us that he has some weird nicknames like that? ESPN said he is "known as the Venuzuelan Sensation." Is that supposed to rhyme? God, I hate all of these people.

3:12 PM: Alright, I think I've worked it out. Unfortunately, my funny pictures won't show up right. It's been a wide open game so far, which happens when nobody is taller than 6'8. Commercial break, 14-10 Terps.

3:08 PM: Sorry this has been getting off the ground kind of slowly, my computer is taking forever to upload this post. It's been a sloppy first three minutes. Watch for Vasquez's move: He cuts right, drives through the lane, and lays it in off the glass. Ugh, what an awful time for technical difficulties on my end.

3:04 PM: If basketball games were four minutes long, Maryland would be a 1-seed. Bowie takes the tip right to the hole, Cal gets an over and back, Milbourne cans a J. Neal hustles a 3 in. Let's try the pictures!

They don't work. It was 7-0 at this point.

3:02 PM: Here we go, CBS has switched over to our game. And already one of Cal's players has been called a "mighty mite." I knew the center square should have been "smallball."

Pregame III: Just a couple minutes until tip now. I'm learning how the cold efficient machine of Gawker works. Apparently I don't need the br tag. This saves so much time for activities.

Pregame II: It seems like a lot of people are picking Maryland in this one, but I'm telling you it's a coinflip. Two really streaky teams without any real size. It could be a blowout either way, it could be close, who knows. So if you're Gary Williams, you're really going to be "sweating" this one out!!!12.

Pregame: The Memphis- CSN game pushed our tip time back to 3:03, so we've got 13 minutes of that awkward getting-to-know-you phase. How're your brackets doing? Mine already sucks. Also, apparently Cal has recruited a chicken to play power forward next year. So there's that.

2) Jerome and P.C. in Berkeley Randle, who's roster height of 5'10" was clearly measured while he was suspended in mid-air, is perhaps the fastest and most athletic player in the PAC-10 (sorry Darren Collison). When he
keeps himself under control, he can take over a game with flashy cross-overs, lightning-quick slashes and no-look dishes. And lest you sag off to try to give yourself an extra step, he'll bury you with a deadly three-point barrage (he went 8-11 from deep against Arizona in Tucson last Thursday, and is at 46.7% for the year). Christopher (who looks like LeBron James after a prolonged South Beach Diet), meanwhile, contributes his own perimeter game and has transformed into one of the premier defenders in the conference. He has scored in double-digits 24 times this season, and broken 20 in eight of those games.

3) The Supporting Cast Powerful wingman Theo Robertson (12.8 PPG, 49.5 3PT%), Jamal Boykin (Duke transfer and former California High School Player of the Year), Jodan Wilkes (7-foot senior in the middle), Harper Kamp (classic "glue-guy" and the object of Bobby Knight's undying affection) and Jorge Guttierrez (3.2 Reb, 1.6 Ass, 0.8 Stl in 16 Min/G) round out the "Fightin' Monties". They don't run particularly deep, but with great team speed and athleticism and the leading three-point shooting team in the nation (43.8% as a unit) they will never be out of a game. — Noah Frank

MARYLAND TERRAPINS

1) Fear la Tortuga An impressive ACC Tournament performance negated the bad losses to Morgan State and Virginia to send #10 Maryland to face the #7 California Golden Bears in Kansas City on Thursday. The two teams met this past season in football, where the Terps beat the Gatorade out of Cal, 35-27. Junior guard Greivis "Arantxa Sánchez-Vicario" Vasquez, the only player in the nation to wear eye black, leads the team in points (17.2), rebounds (5.5) and assists (5.1) per game. The fiery Venezuelan played high school ball with Kevin Durant at Montrose Christian in Rockville, MD. Eric Hayes, Maryland's other starting guard, always looks like he's about to turn the ball over, causing me to yell at my TV and out my window. But then he'll knock down a big three, and all is forgiven … for now. Oafy, yet lovable Dave Neal, whom Terp alum Scott Van Pelt dubs "The Mayor" for some reason, holds his own despite looking like a cross between Paul Blart and Kevin James. The lone senior leads the team in 3-point percentage and SABs (Smiles After Buckets). He's the Jimmy Fallon of basketball. Interchangeable parts Landon Milbourne, Adrian Bowie, Sean Mosely, Cliff Tucker and Dino Gregory have had their moments, but the team's success is dependent on the play of Vasquez. In Maryland's 20 wins, Vasquez averaged 19.3 ppg; in losses, he averaged just 11.5.

2) Fun Gestapo Best known for burning couches, Scheyerface, and throwing batteries at Carlos Boozer's mom, Maryland's fans can be a little rambunctious. But at least we do it in unison! So it was sad to see our Commie utopia disrupted when the university shot down the contest-winning nickname for the Comcast Center student section. Campus buzzkills deemed the name "Red Army" offensive to Eastern Europeans, proving once again that Native Americans are the only people colleges can still publicly disparage.

3) Midnight Madness On October 15, 1971, Maryland coach, Lefty Driesell, began the tradition of Midnight Madness in an effort to build up hype around his squad. At midnight, which marked the beginning of the first official day of team practice, Coach Driesell had his players run laps around Byrd Stadium's track. Reflecting on the day, Lefty said, "I got the word around campus and 500 or 600 people showed up. We didn't have (stadium) lights, so the guys ran by car lights." Not to be outdone, current coach and R.J. Bentley's frequenter Gary Williams has carved out his own Madness staple by entering the arena floor in increasingly ridiculous vehicles. A tank is considered a vehicle, right? Here's Gary in a Lambo; on a motorcycle; in a tank! — Brian Lucero

The goofballs in question are Amir and Streeter from College Humor. While Streeter was on the "slapped in the face" end of the Stadium prank, he one upped his colleague this time by incorporating the entire crowd at last night's Maryland-Wake Forest game into his payback scheme. The set up: Amir believed he would be taking a half court shot for $500,000. The twist: He would be blindfolded, so only the crowd reaction would let him know if he had made it. The reveal....

Who knows if these pranks are 100% genuine, but either way, I don't think these two should be friends anymore.

Prank War 7: The Half Million Dollar Shot [College Humor]
Gotcha: Inside The Yankee Stadium Proposal Prank

Operation Scheyerface was conceived as a Facebook group by Maryland student Jimmy Johnston, who quickly organized a small army of 1,100 Maryland fans armed with computer images of Duke guard Jon Scheyer for Wednesday's game. From the page:

Duke guard Jon Scheyer makes possibly the funkiest facial expressions of all time while playing basketball. Therefore, we shall make fun of him. Did this two years ago and we won, so let's follow the lead of the lady terps and do it again!

This time, we need everyone to print out one black and white scheyerface (or more since I'm sure people will miss this) from the end of this description and taunt him. It doesn't matter which one, just pick one. If you are on the wall, I'm pretty sure shooting 2nd half free throws into a wall of Scheyerfaces would work to perfection.

Witness the result above.

It's the next step in fan evolution, I suppose, from the big-head sign craze, made popular at Marquette, and transferred to Indiana when Tom Crean moved to the Hoosier state.

Who knows what crazy shit we'll seen in the stands in the future? (Note to NCAA: Do not ban these signs for the NCAA Tournament. Big mistake if you do).

Of course, Operation Scheyerface didn't work exactly as planned: Scheyer hit a key 3-pointer with 1:54 remaining in the Blue Devils' 78-67 win.

Operation Scheyerface v2.0 [DC Sports Bog]
Operation Scheyerface v2.0 [Facebook]

Yes, it's hard to believe that the assault on the Blue Devils' hotel didn't produce more disastrous results, but their game last night was actually very competitive for about 35 minutes. Then the Dookies regular cast of characters—Gerald Henderson, Kyle Singler, Jon Scheyer—went on a three-point and free throw barrage and ended up winning by 11. Maryland's re-ignited tournament dreams are hanging by a very thin thread, and while they probably don't feel as embarrassed as they were by that 40-point drubbing, this one might hurt worse. Next time try the fire alarm (and wearing your actual school colors.)

Minus Vasquez, it doesn't add up [Baltimore Sun]
Dukies Take the High Road [D.C. Sports Bog]

In other action, as they say ....

Connecticut 93, Marquette 82: The Eagles lost a chance to take back the Big East lead from Connecticut and lost senior guard Dominic James for the rest of the season with a broken foot. Adjust your tournament betting strategy accordingly. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

Virginia Tech 80, Clemson 77: The Hokies' Malcolm Delaney saves his best basketball for games against Clemson—which seems like kind of a waste—but his 17 second-half points did bring the Tigers down a peg, leaving UNC/Duke to claw over the ACC title. As usual. [TechSideline.com]

Villanova 74, DePaul 72: Wait, Villanova is in the top ten now? Does Gary McLain know about this? [Philadelphia Daily News]

Northwestern 75, Indiana 53: Indiana added their team manager to the roster as a walk on. Amazingly, that didn't stop Northwestern from beating the crap out of them for the school's first win ever in Bloomington. Yeah, the Hoosiers are ... how do you say? ... not good. [Rush The Court]

Keep in mind that we are dealing with people who hang out on college basketball message boards in the middle of a Tuesday night. Everyone was in agreement that something must be done, but no one could be sure what that should be:

If y'all are serious about tomorrow, you should really F*** with these guys all night.

Naturally, prank calls were the first order of business:

Haha, I just called and asked for Gerald Henderson's room please and the lady at the front desk actually connected me to him. He just said hello and I hung up. I don't really have anything witty/funny to say.

You hung up? Brilliant! A lot more ideas were floated for Plan B. Pulled fire alarms. Getting a hotel room. (What for? To jump on the beds?) Air horns. More prank calls. And ... that was about it. The finest internet minds gathering together to wreak mayhem and madness, and this is the best they could do? Not even a fake 100-pizza delivery order?

Of course, the Dukies were no better. Once they caught wind of this "appalling" and "classless" act, they went running to Mommy—calling Blue Devil coaches to warn them of the impending menace like so many Paul Reveres of the Web. In fact, it looks like they got more calls through to the team than the Maryland fans did.

It seems that all these half-hearted measures got phone access to the Duke rooms cut off well-before midnight, and the players and coaches no doubt slept like babies. In fact, despite much boasting and plotting and (most likely) lies, it seems that only one person managed to mildly annoy a Duke player last night. (And even that is probably made up.)

Since Jdawg asked; my Paulus transcript:

"Hello, this is ****** with the Washington Times, sorry to bother you at this hour Mr. Paulus, but we are running a small piece tomorrow and I was hoping to take 2 minutes and ask you a question?"

Him: "Uhhh, sure"

"If you had to choose between Deron Washington, Danny Green, and Dwayne Collins, who's nuts would you say tasted the best?"

Him: ...click.

Crap. He forgot to say "Bababooey."

Maryland's "Operation Scheyerface 2.0″ & Hotel Shenanigans [850 TheBuzz]
Dooks Greenbelt Marriott Hotel and digits [Terp Center]
Maryland Fans Have Crossed the Line [Duke Basketball Report]

Yep, when the new rankings come out next week, the Blue Devils will most likely be sitting up top for the first time since way back in 2005-2006. Those were simpler times, when Shelden Williams was still Candace Parker-less, and J.J. Redick was sharing his poetry with the world.

Gerald Henderson scored 17 for Duke in a game that was never close. Go crazy, Cameron. Go crazy.

No. 2 Duke blasts Maryland 85-44 [AP]

Update: Clemson just stopped another Maryland drive in the red zone. What the fuck? 10-6 Clemson.

2nd Update: James Davis just busted a 38-yard TD. 17-6 Clemson. I think a pig just shit on my roof.

Summary of Ohio State & Minnesota's opening drives: OSU: 5 rushes, 75 yards and a TD. Minnesota: The Gophers leading receiver was off the field on 3rd down because he lost a shoe.—No Soap In The John

Andre Ware and Dave Pasch = Gay buddies forever. —Dr Scooter19

Since Mike Paulus is starting for UNC today, someone on the U's defense has to teabag him for a sack. This must happen. —Signal 2 Noise

Getting excited for Michigan State/Indiana in any sport is akin to crashing through a brick wall and finding out you didn't die, and now you'll be punished for the rest of your life.  But I'm watching this one anyway.  Why?  Because I'm a poor Midwestern soul, that's why.—King Donut66

Another Saturday, another Pam Ward nationally televised game. Why does ESPN want viewers to kill themselves?—Dr Scooter19

Oh, and this Michigan State/Indiana game gets Pam Ward too.  As Weird Al Yankovic said in UHF . . . "TERRI!  I'M IN HELL!  I'M IN HELL TERRI!" or something or other . . .—King Donut66

In typical South Florida fashion, there are 27 people in the stands at the Um-UNC game.  ACC Football, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz—Mr Red Devil 4Ever

Can the losing coach of Pitt-Syracuse get fired live on TV after the game? —Signal 2 Noise

As basketball fans watch the bubble report every season, two names seem to come up with alarming frequency: the Maryland Terrapins and the Syracuse Orange. As we were batting those names around over at STF, we came up with the radical theory that perhaps the difference between the two teams is razor-thin. In fact, they are living parallel lives.

Witness:

• Large eastern state schools with a basketball-first mentality (granted, this may not be completely by choice)
• Each program is run by an old-school coach with a persecution complex
• Both Boeheim and Williams are coaching at their alma maters
• Maryland won the NCAA title in 2002, Syracuse the very next season
• The Terrapins experienced a decline in returns, missing the tournament in 2005 and 2006. The Orange missed out in 2007 and are likely to do the same this year
• Maryland no longer plays in Cole Field House. Syracuse no longer runs plays for Derrick Coleman

The evidence speaks for itself. Perhaps Gary Williams sweats so much because he is, in fact, Jim Boeheim in a Gary Williams suit.

It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again.

Mom Always Did Like Pat Best. St. Josephs 71-Xavier 66. Maybe all that talk of a Philly curse was premature. I'm not going to say Xavier tanked, but they have already locked up the at-large bid from the A-10, and found plenty of minutes for bench players on this road trip. Nonetheless, this is a huge win for St. Joe's profile, and it helped them close Alumni Fieldhouse in truly memorable fashion. Pat Calathes had a fine Senior Night, going for 17 points, 8 rebounds, and 2 steals in 39 minutes. And one last sweet floor-storming.

Meanwhile, In the Maritime Provinces... Providence 85-UConn 76. Friars... Huskies... Dunkin Donuts Center.... Too many jokes, head exploding!!!!! Seriously, though. Big, bad UConn got Efejuku'd last night, as the Providence Guard poured in 25 points to keep his team within farting distance of the bubble. Still, it's not really jake to storm the floor when you just ran your record to 15-14, unless you beat a top-5 team. So let it be written, so let it be (not) done.

Lord, I'm not Asking for Much. Just Big Kenny vs. Duke in the Dance. UNC-Asheville 75-Liberty 57. Big Kenny George's knees were good for 24 minutes, 19 points, and 11 rebounds. The 7'7" Junior didn't get any of his signature blocks, which was probably a result of (or proximate cause of) the Flames taking 30 three-point shots and making only nine of them. The Bulldogs set up a home-floor rematch with Winthrop for the Big South title and a shot at the Big Dance.

Tournament Bids decided this weekend:

March 8
• Ohio Valley: There's a 75% chance that a team from Tennessee gets in.
• Big South: 2-seed Winthrop plays #1 Asheville on Bulldogs home court.
• Atlantic Sun: Belmont is the favorite, but Gardner-Webb is still pulling upsets.

March 9
• Missouri Valley: Respek for Arch Madness in St. Louis. Drake is #1 seed.
• America East: Retrievers, Great Danes, Terriers... who will be Best in Show?

Top 25 Action:

Saturday

• Louisville (24-6) at Georgetown (24-4). A great deal of Big East marbles hang in the balance. Louisville's Padgett has either been dominant (20+ points in wins over Notre Dame and Pitt) or schlominant (single digits in wins over Syracuse and 'Nova). Which guy shows up to do battle with Roy Hibbert?

• North Carolina (28-2) at Duke (26-3) .Yawn - Apparently this is supposed to be some big deal. Like, Coach K won his 800th game or something? But he, like, has to still play this Roy Williams guy, OK? Like maybe even twice? But anyhow, this game is going to be on television. As if.

Sunday

• Florida (21-9) at Kentucky (17-11). The ultimate in bubble warfare. Two-time defending champs vs. All-time wins leader. The prize? A shot at a middle-low seed and a possible first-round exit. Man, times be changin'. Patrick Patterson's stress fracture complicates this one for the 'Cats.

• Virginia Tech (18-11) at Clemson (21-8). Clemson is shopping for bracket position with a skylight and a nice view of the ocean. Virginia Tech will take a garden-level efficiency, and thank you for it. Aside from that, both teams are currently 9-6 in the ACC, so this could have tournament seed implications as well.

I'll be at the CAA tournament in Richmond starting today and running through the Championship game on Monday. If you're so inclined, you can follow the action through the auspices of the fantastic CAAZone, where they'll be hosting chats, live-blogs, video streaming, and more.

Eric Angevine writes about college basketball in a few different places, usually with a minimum of embarrassing factual, logical, and grammatical errors. He can be reached at stormingthefloor@gmail.com.

The final tally this year: ACC 8, Big Ten 3, and it didn't even seem that close. North Carolina hammered Ohio State, Michigan lost at home and our Illini fell to Maryland once again. (Curses, Van Pelt!) This doesn't mean Bruce Weber's in any trouble, but this is shaping up to be another down year for both our Orange and Blue and the league in general. We should all be used to this by now; someday, the Missouri Valley is going to earn more NCAA slots than the Big Ten, and no one will be able to argue.

Fortunately, most of the rest of the Big Ten games are on the Big Ten Network, so none of us will have to watch them.

How Much Longer Will Weber Last? [Chicago Bull]

Well, for a while, anyway, His dad, John Turner, was the band's drummer before being replaced by Bobby Blotzer. Lead singer Stephen Pearcy kicked Turner out in 1982, right before the band went "huge."

But Turner had the last laugh; we're sure Pearcy was watching the game Saturday, wondering why he couldn't have fathered a football player. He surely was.

Terps' QB Turner Is The Son Of A Rocker [Inside Charm City]

Or, well, knocking some West Virginia dudes to the ground, anyway.

Wearing West Virginia gold, weaving his way through hostile Terrapin football territory, he nearly made it to safety - almost. Tackled from behind, he got up and saw a scene played out dozens of times last night: Terps fans standing, cheering and ... barbecuing?

The roughest tackle last night didn't involve Terps defensive players Erin Henderson or Dave Philistin. No, the big moment came when junior American studies major Thomas Agbonyitor took down a West Virginia fan walking through Lot U4, delighting Terps fans tailgating in the area. "I saw this fan standing around all cocky," Agbonyitor said. "So I did my best Shawne Merriman impression and took him out; everyone cheered. I hate when opposing fans come to our stadium and act like that."

It's not quite squishing a man's testicles, but it'll do the job. But wait: We sure that wasn't Van Pelt?

Terps Fans Show Intensity Against Rivals [Diamondback Online]

MARYLAND TERRAPINS

1.We Burn Couches Better Than You. We Burn Couches....YES we do! Maryland has a history of causing town riots up and down Route 1 in College Park after meaningful victories (and losses). The most famous was in 2002, with 18 arrests, $10,000 worth of damage and eight trips to the hospital after the National Championship.

2. I'm Mike Jones! Because of his shared name with Rapper Mike Jones, Terrapins senior guard Mike Jones gets a giant "Who?!" yelled when his name is announced after a made basket. Jones also set the Maryland record for 3-pointers made in a game early this season with nine.

3. The Italian ACC. Maryland hoops alum, and gun aficionado Lonny Baxter has made it to Italy after serving a two-month prison sentence. He is currently averaging seven points and four rebounds for the Italian League's Mens Sana Basketball. The 2004 League Champions are frequently referred to as Montepaschi Siena (due to the sponsorship from a Siena bank), and the team starts three former ACC standouts in Baxter, Terrell McIntyre and 2001 ACC Player of the Year Joseph Forte. — Awful Announcing

DAVIDSON WILDCATS

1. OK, let's get it straight now — Steph-en. If you pay attention to this team over the next week, you'll hear a lot about Stephen Curry, who pronounces his name as if it were spelled, "Steffen," not how most people named Stephen say their name. Not a big deal, except it touched off a (very) mini-controversy when some blabberheads got it wrong during one of Davidson's (very) few mentions on a four-letter network. So some Wildcats faithful got a little fired up because Curry has been overlooked most of his career. He is getting some pub now, but only after averaging 21.2 points a game — second-most in the country by a freshman behind some dude in burnt orange named Durant. As the story goes, Stephen wanted to follow in the footsteps of father and former NBA sharpshooter Dell Curry and go to Virginia Tech. The Hokies didn't want any part of him, so he wound up at little ol' Davidson, where he rewrote a whole bunch of freshman, scoring and 3-point records. At one point, Davidson also was in the hunt for the son of a more famous former NBA star (Jeff Jordan - you might have heard of dad, Michael). Word is that Jeff might be headed to Loyola Chicago instead, but the Wildcats are plenty happy with the son of a former NBA player they have.

2. Time to win one of these games. There's a fairly legitimate theory that schools such as Davidson should be happy just to make the NCAA tournament, but enough is enough. This is the Wildcats' third NCAA appearance since 2002, and they need to win a game. And there is a lot of reason to think that this is the year it will happen. The Wildcats graduated seven seniors off last year's NCAA team so this was supposed to be a rebuilding year. Instead, they went 29-4, winning 25 of their last 26 games with winning streaks of 12 and 13 games. They also were hammering people all year, winning by an average of 13.4 points and turning into a virtual cash machine, going 21-8-1 against the spread. This is coach Bob McKillop's fourth NCAA trip, passing Lefty Driesell for the most by a Davidson coach. The Wildcats went to the Elite Eight twice back in the 1960s but have gone 0-5 since. This shouldn't be the year it happens, but with all of this surprising success, maybe it should be.

3. So why not now? Earlier this month, Davidson inducted two of its most seminal sports figures — at least for somebody who might have been enrolled there between, say, 1992 and '96. The inductees were former men's soccer coach Charlie Slagle and basketball star Brandon Williams. Slagle took the Wildcats to the NCAA soccer final four in 1992 — when Davidson happened to be hosting the thing. This is sort of like the Arizona Cardinals reaching the Super Bowl when it is in Phoenix. After all, they put the big game there because nobody expects the home team to make it. The Wildcats got wiped out in the semifinal, but let's just say sobriety was a scarce commodity that weekend. As for Williams, aka Ozone (because he played up in the ozone layer), he was the star for a relatively great basketball run from 1994-96. That included NIT bids in '94 and '96, although the latter year should have been in the Big Dance. That's when the Wildcats wound up 25-5 and went 14-0 in the regular season before choking in the tournament final to Western Carolina. Davidson was crushing people like it did this year. Now that they got past the conference tournament hurdle, an NCAA win should be up next. As for Williams, he wound up buried on the San Antonio Spurs roster a couple years later and won a championship. This is sort of like an Arizona Cardinals player winning a Super Bowl ring. — Matt Pitzer

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2. I'm Mike Jones! Because of his shared name with Rapper Mike Jones, Terrapins senior guard Mike Jones gets a giant "Who?!" yelled when his name is announced after a made basket. Jones also set the Maryland record for 3-pointers made in a game early this season with nine.

3. The Italian ACC. Maryland hoops alum, and gun aficionado Lonny Baxter has made it to Italy after serving a two-month prison sentence. He is currently averaging seven points and four rebounds for the Italian League's Mens Sana Basketball. The 2004 League Champions are frequently referred to as Montepaschi Siena (due to the sponsorship from a Siena bank), and the team starts three former ACC standouts in Baxter, Terrell McIntyre and 2001 ACC Player of the Year Joseph Forte. — Awful Announcing

You know, new Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson isn't known as a disciplinarian in the way that Bob Knight is, but, jeez, he sure does make his players do some pretty publicly humiliating things to their teammates when they lose on national television, doesn't he?

Anyway, the ACC won three of five last night in that whole Challenge thing, taking a 4-2 lead in the supposed "competition." We haven't quite figured out what Indiana was doing in that last possession — nothing better than driving the lane when down by three with fewer than four seconds left — but the pivotal loss was our Illini falling to Maryland, the first non-conference loss in Assembly Hall since Y2K destroyed our nation's technological infrastructure.

It did feel nice to have it all back last night, though, even the hated ambiguously gay duo of Coach K and Dick Vitale. We're ashamed to say that we missed them a little. Another highlight: When the Illini were down late and desperately needing threes, Brent Musberger — whom we will always love in the same way we will always love whippets; an immense, sudden vaporization of brain cells that leads to an undeniably pleasant sensation — yelled, "the Illini need to start jackin' it here." That they do, Brent: That they do.

Guard Play Awful; Work To Be Done [Mark Tupper Blog]

Apropos of absolutely nothing, here's a rather silly photo of Maryland head basketball coach Gary Williams. Careful with those wings, Coach.