Football players telling you what they like in a woman, to be specific. Surprisingly, it takes more than knowing which hotel they're staying in to have a chance with these hopeless romantics.

Some highlights:

Cosmo: What's a dating pet peeve you have?
Kerry Rhodes: "A pet peeve of mine is when a woman acts like she's not as hungry as she really is and all she orders is a salad. I'm like, 'Baby, please eat!'"

Cosmo: What's something a woman might say that would turn you off?
Matt Cassel: "I had garlic for lunch."

Cosmo: What's something a woman might say that you'd like to hear?
David Anderson: "'You don't have to pay for that.' Kidding. I would always be a gentleman and take care of the bill, of course...but really, it's always nice to hear a woman say, 'Thank you.' Those two words go a long way."

Cosmo: What's a piece of dating advice you wish women knew?
Wes Welker: "Call me so you know where I am, follow me to see if I'm doing what I say I'm doing, hire a private investigator...but whatever you do, do not snoop through my e-mail or cell phone!

Cosmo: What's something a woman can do on a first date to guarantee a second one?
Terrell Owens: "Good communication is the key to keeping my interest. Every man notices a woman's looks first, but a beautiful mind and great conversation is what intrigues me."

To sum up: Kerry Rhodes likes 'em thick, Matt Cassel is a jackass, David Anderson is just happy the media's talking to him, Wes Welker is a weirdo, and Terrell Owens is a liar.

Exclusive! Dating Tips from Sexy NFL Stars [Cosmopolitan]

In case you hadn't heard, the Patriots sent their "franchise" quarterback—who has fifteen non-high school starts—to the Chiefs, along with crafty veteran Mike Vrabel, and all they got in return was a single second-round pick. So wait ... that's why everyone was making such a big fuss about Cassel during the offseason? The Patriots were really going to throw out Tom Brady for a guy who wasn't worth half a second-rounder?

Or could it be that Cassel was simply a parting gift to former Patriots executive and new Chiefs GM Scott Pioli? Jay sure thinks so and he wants Roger Goodell to lay the smackdown on someone.

What better way to thank Pioli, who tag-teamed with Belichick to mold three Super Bowl-champion teams, than by setting him up with a dramatic personnel boost in his first winter? Problem is, it smacks of an integrity issue when Belichick earmarks business with a pal and doesn't maximize his return in a big trade. You think other teams aren't irked today at The Gray Hoodie's unusual graciousness? Complicating the story was a Saturday night report on ESPN.com that the Denver Broncos had pursued a three-way trade that would have reunited Cassel with new Broncos coach Josh McDaniels and sent Jay Cutler to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who would have compensated the Patriots. The talks fell through for whatever reason — all of which is said to rightfully anger Cutler, an accomplished Pro Bowl quarterback who reportedly wants to be traded now — and it prompts more questions about the Belichick-Pioli perfecta winning out.

There's more, of course, and Mariotti does sound a bit paranoid ... but that doesn't mean people aren't out to get him. Cassel is almost certainly being overrated, but one lousy second-rounder for a guy that other much dumber teams would have gladly overpaid for? Plus another player to fill a roster spot thrown in? It does seem rather generous, especially for New England. Could Jay actually be the voice of reason here? Fascinating, if true.

Kansas City's Sweetheart Deal for Cassel Warrants NFL Probe [Fanhouse]

* * * * *

Anyway, that's it for tonight. Still no word on those missing boaters, but hopefully we'll know more in the morning—and hopefully it will be good. It's a downer, I know, but wish for the best anyway.

Gooood DAY.

From Adam Schefter's blog:

For starters, Cassel and Rodgers have the same agent, David Dunn. They also have started almost the exact number of games after taking over their jobs from legendary quarterbacks this season. And once they did, the two quarterbacks have posted similar numbers.[...]

Cassel might not be as productive as Rodgers so far, but he is not far from. So if Rodgers got an average of close to $11 million per year, Cassel is expected to be anywhere in the $6-to-$10 million per year range, depending on how he finishes the season.

I can think of about ten thousand better ways to piss away ten million dollars (one of them involves power tools, thirty pounds of cocaine, and Michael Irvin), and I can't imagine any team is going to pony that up. First of all, Cassel has been able to overcome his lack of pro experience with his familiarity of Belichick's system, which he's been learning since 2005. He won't enjoy that benefit with a new team.

Secondly, those shitty teams that need a QB (San Francisco, Kansas City, Detroit) won't be shelling out that kind of money. They're shitty for a reason...okay, a handful of reasons, but one of those is their total absence in the free agent market. Look, Matt. There's nothing wrong with re-upping with the Pats for the minimum and riding Brady's jock for two or three more rings.

You can be America's Favorite Backup Quarterback, or get pummeled in Detroit. Easy choice, really.

Matt Schaub, A.J. Feeley, and Derek Anderson: living the dream, especially Feeley with his super cute soccer playing wife, Heather Mitts. These are the guys T-Mantz points to as hope for Matt Cassel's bright financial future. What kind of numbers is he looking at?

And, rest assured, if Cassel hits free agency there are going to be a lot of teams interested. The Lions, Jets, 49ers, Vikings, Rams, and Buccaneers will almost assuredly be in the market for a top signal-caller, and there are likely to be a few others that emerge between now and then, as well.

This high demand, paired with a rising salary cap, growing distrust of rookie quarterbacks, lack of other realistic options, and continued disdain for free agent frugality will lead to Cassel getting a deal somewhere in the market of six years and $70 million, with $25 million guaranteed.

Life is good living in Tom Brady's shadow.

Matt Cassel Became a Very Rich Man by Losing to the Jets

• Jack Cassel, Matt's older brother, was a September callup for the Houston Astros. A few hours after Matt Cassel had thrown a TD pass to Randy Moss on Sunday, Jack came on in relief of injured starter Wandy Rodriguez, giving up two runs over four innings during Houston's 7-5 win over the Rockies.

• Justin Cassel. The younger brother, who led the Southern League in ERA this past season with the Class AA Birmingham Barons. Was drafted out of UC Irvine.

• Barbara Cassel. Their mother is a Hollywood set designer who is currently working on the Christian Slater NBC series My Own Wost Enemy. She also won an Emmy in 2007 as one of a team of set decorators for the 2006 mini-series Tony Bennett: An American Classic.

Yes, show business is in this family's blood:

Other Matt Cassel fun facts:

• Was a member of the Northridge, Calif. team that reached the finals of the 1994 Little League World Series, where it lost, 4-3, to Maracaibo, Venezuela. Guillermo Quiroz, who played on that Maracaibo team, is now a catcher for the Baltimore Orioles.

• Played baseball for USC in 2004 and was drafted by the Oakland Athletics in the 36th round that year.

• Married former USC volleyball player Lauren Killian in 2007.

• Was backup to both Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart at USC.

UPDATE: Rick, You forgot an item on your list that is freaking HUGE on the unintentional comedy scale. Matt and his little brother Justin were featured on the HBO series "Freshman Year" back in 1999 (I think) in which a camera crew followed Justin and some of his classmates around their high school all year and filmed a reality TV show based on their experiences as freshman in high school. I know this because, I used to live in Chatsworth, and that would've been my high school had I not moved. It's absolutely hilarious, and HBO still airs it fairly consistently on Friday evenings on the HBO Famliy channel. — Will Seaborn