Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!

So the Chicago Sun-Times wasn't the only paper to mix up Matt Garza and Joaquín Benoit. The Daily Herald made the same mistake. But don't blame the papers. The error originated with a bad cutline from a wire photographer. Asshole.

The Cubs on Friday traded for Tampa Bay pitcher Matt Garza. Apparently, this confused the Chicago Sun-Times, which slapped a full-page photo on its back cover of...Joaquín Benoit. Both pitchers are right-handed. Both have facial hair. Let's stop there.

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all those people writing all those "year of the pitcher" stories, for whom Matt Garza's no-hitter provided more anecdotal evidence of a trend that probably doesn't exist.

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

Yesterday, afternoon there was an important town hall meeting to help kids say no to teen pregnancy. (Not cool, Kids!) If a Tampa Bay Ray and a governor's daughter can't set youngsters straight, who can?