Well, with Sunday's rather imposing game at Soldier Field looming, the radio folks are at it again, pumping up the crowd with "I Am Matt Hasselbeck", set to the tune of Justin Timberlake's "Sexyback." (This has been tried before, when Tigers fans put together the great line "You Down With Brandon Inge?") You know you want some lyrics ... don't you ... don't you? Of course you do!

I am Matt Hasselbeck. (YEAH!)
Them other teams don't know how to act. (YEAH!)
Our team is special, man, and it's a fact. (YEAH!)
Tony Romo, hey man, you blew the snap. (YEAH!)

(TAKE IT TO THE BEARS!)

Dirty Rex ... you see our D is just too complex. (YEAH!)

You know, we really can't type out any more of this.

"I Am Matt Hasselbeck" [KKWF]
Sweet Shaun Alexander [Deadspin]

Not just that, but his wife Sarah has also been hit by lightning. We're not sure if it's the baldness, or that guarantee he made against the Packers a couple of years ago, or the fact that his brother is married to that lady from "The View." But clearly, Hasselbeck has done something to anger the gods. Perhaps he implied to Joey Porter than this team might, um, possibly have a chance of winning a game, at some point, maybe. Perhaps Joey Porter controls the weather too.

Honestly, though: The dude has been struck by lightning twice. That didn't come up at Media Day? Really?

My Super Bowl Pick [Turf Toe]