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Maurice Clarett
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maurice clarett
Wheels Of Justice Grind Slowly For Clarett
The Maurice Clarett story, with its deep debts and Israel mobs and Grey Goose, has almost become too sad for us to take much joy in goofing on it anymore, though we're still always going to be a little tickled by the fact that he had a hatchet. More »
college football
Clarett Story Continues To Take Scary Turns
Say what you will about the kids at Bristol, but they continue to move the needle on all matters Maurice Clarett, at least. The network learned yesterday that Clarett, who has had a rough couple of weeks, was in deep to the Israeli mob, and that might have been the reason he was, you know, carrying a hatchet when he was arrested earlier this month. More »
fake football
Somebody Please Stop Jim Terry. Soon.
You might think this (CURRENTLY ON SALE!) T-shirt would be the work of a prankster on CafePress, the type of guy who does stupid knockoff T-shirts any one's whim. More »
maurice clarett
Judge Makes The Bold Move Of Questioning Maurice Clarett's Mental Health
The latest news in the Maurice Clarett situation isn't that he's being required to undergo a mental health evaluation. The news is that he doesn't think he needs one. When the judge ordered the evaluation, Clarett scoffed at him. He was later quoted as saying, "I clearly understand everything, and I don't know why we have to drag this thing out." More »
football
Fictional League Somehow More Fictional Now
Now that the whole Maurice Clarett business has veered into Greek tragedy story with Tom Friend's breathtaking ESPN story, we turn our focus to the part of his story it's easy to make fun of: His "upcoming" stint with the Mahoning Valley Hitmen of the Eastern Indoor Football League, a league that has as much chance of playing actual games next year as our fantasy league does. More »
college football
The Last Clarett Update
Probably time for one final update on our man Maurice Clarett, who has gotten himself in so much trouble that we're actually worried about him. And not just because we're afraid he'd shoot us. More »
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This Could End Up Affecting The Eastern Indoor Football League Opener
It's almost no fun to point out Maurice Clarett's foibles anymore. But when cops pull him over with a bunch of loaded guns and a hatchet in the car, it's probably worth mentioning. More »
college football
Maurice Clarett, Handling Himself Just Fine, Yep
We thought we might check in and see how our old friend Maurice Clarett is doing, now that he has fired his lawyers just two weeks before his trial. Well, he has some new lawyers, and they have exactly a fortnight to, you know, find out what the hell the case is about. More »
college football
Someone Could Really Use Matlock Around Right Now
We don't mean to imply that matters have gotten as bad as they possibly could get for Maurice Clarett just two weeks before his robbery trial ... but they're as bad as they could possibly get. More »
indoor football
Maurice Clarett's Imaginary League
So we've been mulling over this Maurice Clarett playing indoor football story, and we're really kind of amazed. First off, it's important to point out that this is not the Arena Football League; that league has been around for 20 years and even though it just lost its NBC contract, it seems likely to continue to thrive. More »
polls
Poll Results: Super-Size New Mexico!
You have spoken, dear readers, and it's perhaps little surprise that you'd be most afraid to run into Marcus "New Mexico" Vick at your local McDonald's. You know what's cool, though? He has a THUG LIFE tattoo across his McRib. More »
polls
Poll: Whom Do You Least Want To Run Into At McDonald's?
We still haven't quite come to terms with the bat-shit crazy weirdness of Marcus "New Mexico" Vick whipping out a gun at McDonald's the day after he declared for the NFL Draft, but it did get us to thinking: We haven't been to McDonald's for a long, long time. At first, we thought it was because we're older now and have more refined taste in cuisine (like, say, Wendy's). But we realize now that's not it; we're actually scared. You never know whose path you'll cross at a McDonald's. More »
college football
Maurice Clarett's Experienced Defense Team
Today's Maurice Clarett update: The "troubled" — that is to say, "known for pretty much everything other than being a football player — posted a $50,000 bond to be released after his charges of aggravated robbery. We'll put aside for a moment how a guy with little discernible income over the last three years came up with 50 grand on the spot — maybe he was robbing people! — and instead look at Clarett's lawyer, William Settina. More »
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