Big Mac Vs. Whopper: The Ultimate Burger Smackdown

It's been a rocky week for the USA. We were let down by our Supreme Court and our soccer team, and we head into a potentially hurricanous Independence Day licking our wounds and pondering our mistakes and just kidding, we fucking RULE, and that's partly due to geographic good fortune and relatively sound governance,… » 7/03/14 1:20pm 7/03/14 1:20pm

The Fast-Food Bacon Wars: McDonald's Goes High, Burger King Goes Low

Over the past decade, the American burgersphere has been shaped by three major forces: The first and most odious is the grind-your-own contingent's constant harping about how to flip a fucking hamburger. Having declared victory in their charcoal-fueled war against convenience (gas grills are still more popular among… » 4/28/14 2:53pm 4/28/14 2:53pm

Press Release Touting Newer, Hipper Ronald McDonald Is Batshit Crazy

Ohhhhh, Darren Rovell. Oh, you picked the wrong day to be suspended from Twitter, amigo. Because McDonald's just issued a press release for a fully redesigned Ronald McDonald, and it is fucking nutty. They don't even bother trying to sound human. They went the full Poochie. Let's take a look. » 4/24/14 3:27pm 4/24/14 3:27pm

Torin Yater-Wallace Is The Stoner-Philosopher Of The Olympics

There is no one in the world I would rather have to guide me through the intricacies of a food court than an 18-year-old freeskier from Colorado. Torin Yater-Wallace, now America's greatest sporting hero after raiding the Olympic Village McDonald's for a pile of cheeseburgers, was tracked down by Yahoo's Jeff Passan » 2/13/14 1:23pm 2/13/14 1:23pm

McDonald's Has 10 Million Pounds Of Unsold Mighty Wings

This fall, McDonald's introduced Mighty Wings, those seasoning sticks vaguely flavored like chicken. Remember those commercials with Joe Flacco and Colin Kaepernick? They threw footballs for wings! What a world! Anyway, the promotion started with an inventory of 50 million pounds of wings, and there are still 10… » 12/19/13 8:40pm 12/19/13 8:40pm

Your Handling-Lots-Of-McDonald's-Food-At-Once Problems Are Solved

Hey guys, remember back when you'd go to the drive-thru at McDonald's, and you had to, like, read the menu and, like, pick some stuff to eat, and then friggin' tell the guy what you wanted, and then you drove up to the window and opened your mouth and they fired all the food at your face with a giant slingshot? Man,… » 9/09/13 4:34pm 9/09/13 4:34pm

Jay Cutler, Diabetic, Shills for McDonald's

The commercial was filmed in June of 2008 and has recently started airing on Denver television. This means the commercial was filmed after Cutler realized he had diabetes. The commercial combines the hilarity of the Coors Light press conference commercials (read:none) but adds an annoying little kid reporter. It's… » 9/15/08 3:15pm 9/15/08 3:15pm