John Oliver Chugs Bud Light Lime To Celebrate Blatter's Resignation

When Last Week Tonight host John Oliver pledged last week to consume a variety of McDonald’s, Budweiser, and Adidas products if those brands made Sepp Blatter go away, nobody imagined he’d have to make good so quickly. But make good he did, last night—though not before describing Bud Light Lime as tasting like “the… »6/08/15 9:57am6/08/15 9:57am

FIFA Sponsors Double Down On Endorsement Of Slavery

If you expected this week’s sham re-election of Sepp Blatter after a massive federal corruption takedown to be the final straw in corporate slave sponsors’ relationship with FIFA, you have far too optimistic a view of the world. McDonald’s, Anheuser-Busch, Coca-Cola, Visa, and other FIFA sponsors are smiling and… »5/30/15 12:35pm5/30/15 12:35pm

Chicken Fight: McDonald's Artisan Grilled Vs. Taco Bell's Chickstar

Traditional fast-food sales are in decline in America, maybe because we’re finally smartening up and becoming more reluctant to treat our tongues, wallets, and digestive systems as mortal enemies. We’re still fat, ridiculous bastards, of course, but chain-restaurant sales data indicates that we’re starting to become a… »4/30/15 1:17pm4/30/15 1:17pm

The New McDonald's Ad Is Bullshit

Whether you watched football or the Golden Globes yesterday, you were likely exposed to a new McDonald's ad that featured inspirational messages ("BOSTON STRONG," "HUG THOSE DADS," etc.) from the fast-food company's readerboards around the country. (We made our own, more honest version of the ad, which you can watch… »1/12/15 2:01pm1/12/15 2:01pm

Rape, Murder, Violent Racism: The Weirdest McDonald's Ad Campaign Ever

So 28 years ago this month, McDonald's put together a campaign that would dominate the fast-food giant's advertising strategy for years. "Mac Tonight," a ploy to redefine the restaurant as a place worthy of serving you not just breakfast and lunch, but dinner, too, starred an anthropomorphic crescent moon/Jay Leno… »12/22/14 1:24pm12/22/14 1:24pm

Smackdown: Burger King's Extra Long BBQ Vs. McDonald's Jalapeño Double

At first glance, a horizontally oriented double cheeseburger doesn't seem very flashy: Mankind is well accustomed to taking our meals the long way. Cheesesteaks, ribs, roll-ups, Twinkies, wraps, corn, whatever the hell a hoagie is: All these and more have been served to us on the landscape setting since long before… »8/13/14 2:36pm8/13/14 2:36pm

Big Mac Vs. Whopper: The Ultimate Burger Smackdown

It's been a rocky week for the USA. We were let down by our Supreme Court and our soccer team, and we head into a potentially hurricanous Independence Day licking our wounds and pondering our mistakes and just kidding, we fucking RULE, and that's partly due to geographic good fortune and relatively sound governance,… »7/03/14 1:20pm7/03/14 1:20pm

The Fast-Food Bacon Wars: McDonald's Goes High, Burger King Goes Low

Over the past decade, the American burgersphere has been shaped by three major forces: The first and most odious is the grind-your-own contingent's constant harping about how to flip a fucking hamburger. Having declared victory in their charcoal-fueled war against convenience (gas grills are still more popular among… »4/28/14 2:53pm4/28/14 2:53pm

Press Release Touting Newer, Hipper Ronald McDonald Is Batshit Crazy

Ohhhhh, Darren Rovell. Oh, you picked the wrong day to be suspended from Twitter, amigo. Because McDonald's just issued a press release for a fully redesigned Ronald McDonald, and it is fucking nutty. They don't even bother trying to sound human. They went the full Poochie. Let's take a look. »4/24/14 3:27pm4/24/14 3:27pm

Torin Yater-Wallace Is The Stoner-Philosopher Of The Olympics

There is no one in the world I would rather have to guide me through the intricacies of a food court than an 18-year-old freeskier from Colorado. Torin Yater-Wallace, now America's greatest sporting hero after raiding the Olympic Village McDonald's for a pile of cheeseburgers, was tracked down by Yahoo's Jeff Passan »2/13/14 1:23pm2/13/14 1:23pm

McDonald's Has 10 Million Pounds Of Unsold Mighty Wings

This fall, McDonald's introduced Mighty Wings, those seasoning sticks vaguely flavored like chicken. Remember those commercials with Joe Flacco and Colin Kaepernick? They threw footballs for wings! What a world! Anyway, the promotion started with an inventory of 50 million pounds of wings, and there are still 10… »12/19/13 8:40pm12/19/13 8:40pm

Your Handling-Lots-Of-McDonald's-Food-At-Once Problems Are Solved

Hey guys, remember back when you'd go to the drive-thru at McDonald's, and you had to, like, read the menu and, like, pick some stuff to eat, and then friggin' tell the guy what you wanted, and then you drove up to the window and opened your mouth and they fired all the food at your face with a giant slingshot? Man,… »9/09/13 4:34pm9/09/13 4:34pm