OK, so you’ve already learned about all the things we shoved inside ourselves last year. But what about our dangly bits? Rest assured, we punished them.
It’s bad enough that a Massachusetts family’s Target-purchased Christmas console wound up being a piece of wood in a PlayStation 4 box, but did whoever swapped it out have to draw a dick and balls on it?
If you thought Christmas was about peace on earth and goodwill towards men, you thought wrong. Today, we learned that Christmas is actually about making a 35-minute drive to Temecula, Calif., because some chump who was hating on Kobe Bryant on Twitter needs to catch the hands.
Trailblazers star Damian Lillard treated some members of the Portland Boys and Girls Club to a surprise shopping spree at Toys 'R Us last night, and it was the coolest thing. Just look at how happy this little kid is!
Christmas is four days away. I know this because my kids have been counting down the days since, I dunno, LAST goddamn Christmas. Children have boring lives. They have to go to school all day. They have to listen to adults tell them what to do. They can't watch porn. It blows. Christmas is one of the few bright spots…