metaphors Page index.xml - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jags coach Kevin Maxen isn’t obligated to shut up about his personal life
There are almost 400 coaches on NFL staffs, however, openly homosexual male coaches were non-existent from the active pool until Friday when Jacksonville Jaguars strength and conditioning coach Kevin Maxen came out to Outsports.com....
Lou Holtz Stupidly Compares College Football Games to D-Day at Normandy
Former college football coach Lou Holtz has become the latest individual to make ridiculously stupid comments about the return of college football during the coronavirus pandemic....
That Andy Dalton Feeling
It’s a strange and sad fact of how sports works in this moment that the number of people who cared about poor Andy Dalton being benched by the ultra-moribund Cincinnati Bengals and the Washington Nationals winning the World Series in thrilling and satisfying fashion is pretty close. But when we reco...
Mike Tomlin Mangles Metaphor
Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin is plenty fired up to play the Patriots on Sunday, and he’s not afraid to say so. From ESPN:...
Metaphors Made By Scott Boras Today, Ranked
Baseball’s GM meetings are happening this week, and agent Scott Boras has been doing his typically excellent job of talking up his clients’ value as he calls for them to get paid. Here are some of the metaphors he made today, ranked....
BBC Snowboard Bros Strike Again, Drop Some Knowledge On Lingo
It's possible that you are watching snowboarding for the first time—or are, at best, a casual viewer of the sport—and have absolutely no idea what anyone is talking about. If you fall into this category of viewer, we hope you're watching the BBC feed because not only are Tim Warwood and Ed Leigh en...
Florida Put The Players In A Dump Truck For Its Homecoming Parade
Florida hosts Vanderbilt today at noon for homecoming and 24 hours before kickoff, the Gators paraded through campus for the 90th year in a row. 90 years is a lot, and worth celebrating itself, so they got a corvette and put the players in a dump truck. ...
CNN On An Empty Boston: "It's As Though A Bomb Had Dropped." Oh?
Hell of a metaphor, Susan Candiotti....
"Team Obama Loses Early Wicket": The Romney-Obama Debate Was Like Every Sport Conceivable, According To Internet
The debate Wednesday could be compared to many things—a slow dance in which the partners are holding potato peelers to each other's throats, perhaps, or a restaurant in which you, the diner, get to watch a prep cook slow-spit on your burger before it's served—but of course everyone immediately turne...
Yup, A Giant Truck Full Of Fish Crashed Into A Building Named After Jeffrey Loria
Good writers spend ages searching for the perfect metaphor, the one that makes everything make sense. Agnostics spend their years searching for some sign that a higher power guides the universe. Look no further, heretics (and Marlins beat writers). Everything was revealed today, in the midday sun at...
Is A Monster Stalking The River Outside London's Olympic Stadium? An Investigation
LONDON—The River Lea winds its way southeast from the industrial town of Luton to London's East End, where it drains into Thames a couple miles upstream of the ingenious tidal barrier that keeps the capital dry. A tame body of water by any account, the Lea disperses toward the end of its course into...
Kevin Garnett Made One Hell Of A Cooking Metaphor Today
This year's NBA training camp is shorter than usual, and this upsets a lot of players who'd like more time to gel with their teammates. It has especially upset Boston's Kevin Garnett, who blessed us with this train wreck of a cooking metaphor during the Celtics' practice today:...
Florida's Dominique Easley Has Giant Metaphor Draped Around His Neck
Unpack this as you will. [Gainesville Sun; related]...
Mets Ask For $50 Million More In Loans, Tell Mom They're Doing Fine, Just Need Some Money To Join A Gym
On Friday, we learned that the Mets had received $25 million in funding from Bud Selig's secret piggybank, on top of $75 million they'd already borrowed from Major League Baseball. Surely this meant the Wilpon family would finally have to explore selling the team. Or at the very least turn themselve...
Your Religion/Textile/Baserunning Metaphor Of The Day
Anyone want to explain this one? "What appeared to be 90 feet, teased from the fabric of New York Yankees resolve, with each tug brought more yards of grace."...
President Of Bolivia Knees Political Rival In The Groin During Soccer Exhibition
Bolivia held a friendly match to commemorate the re-opening of the newly refurbished La Paz stadium on Sunday....
All The News That's Fit To Analogize Ridiculously To Food
Your food metaphor of the day, courtesy The New York Times: "We all know the cliché that a prosecuting attorney can persuade a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich, but Clemens — and Barry Bonds, with his trial scheduled for next March — are not mere ham sandwiches but rather the prime beef of baseba...
ESPN Radio Intern Inadvertently Scratches Junk On Camera
It's been a while since we heard about a sports radio intern doing something untoward but look at what we have here. Intern Alex of Primetime with Isaac and Big Suke, we offer you our praise and condolences. [Bob's Blitz]...