Those teams now officially suck less than this year's edition of the Nets, who lost their 18th straight and broke the record shared by the Clippers and the Heat. Barry Petchesky live blogged the game for some reason, and it turned out to be something like live blogging the Hindenburg. I'm not sure what's sadder: the 49 points the Nets surrendered to the Mavs in the second quarter or this exchange between Nets interim sap Tom Barrise and a fan:

He reached out and blurted, "Tom … Tom …" and clenched Barrise's fist and appeared to be as serious about this moment as any in his life, when he blurted these words straight from his broken Nets heart.

"One and 17 tonight, coach!" he said, and held on for a moment and repeated himself.

"One and 17!"

One day, the Nets will win a game, and perhaps they will feel about their accomplishment as former Heat guard Rory Sparrow did about his team's first victory in 1988 (over the Clippers, naturally). He calls it "the game I'll never forget." And there is hope yet that the Nets will not suck as hard as the NBA's all-time leader in suck, the 1972-73 76ers, who won nine games in all. Reports Kevin Pelton of Basketball Prospectus:

First, let's try to establish what a streak like this really says about a team. Dean Oliver considered the issue in a chapter of his seminal Basketball on Paper devoted to winning and losing streaks. Oliver showed that a team with a 20-game losing streak at any point in an NBA season has a 19 percent shot of finishing the year with 21 wins or more. So while an 18-game streak is certainly a bad sign, it's hardly proof the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers' 9-73 record is in grave jeopardy.

Honorable mentions: Wisconsin, of course. And Illinois, too, because, holy shit, did you watch that game? A 23-point a comeback? Led by two freshmen and a guy who moves like something out of a Boris Karloff movie? Oskee fucking wow-wow.

Super Cool Beas is facing questions after TMZ published photos of him on a recent boat trip, including the above shot of Beasley trying to sleep something off. (Whether that "something" is a long wholesome day of fun, or something else, is the controversy here.)

Normally we'd laugh, perhaps tut at an underage player being photographed sleeping near a pile of empties, but this is a man best known for a rehab stint spurred by a picture of him near a baggie of weed. So obviously there are going to be questions.

The Heat said the fishing boat excursion was arranged by the team, and the captain is on record as saying the beers belonged to another group on board. Also, Beasley's substance abuse counselor was aboard (perhaps that's her next to him). So no action's going to be taken.

But, Jesus Christ man, Beasley doesn't need a counselor. He really needs someone to confiscate all cameras and cell phones when he's off duty.

Rehabbed NBA Star — Sleeps Off Temptation [TMZ]

Beasley spoke with reporters earlier today. You can read Ira Winderman's account, but to get a full sense of the awkwardness in the room, just check out the transcript:

Q. Since we're not really familiar, and with the limitations on comments we've received, can you tell us, when you went to Houston, originally, what was the plan there and then what changed about the plan?

A. "I feel like that's going into a little too much detail. I was in Houston for quite a while. Halfway through the process, I was told I was going to be there for a while longer, and I got kind of upset. That's pretty much what I want to say."

Q. The Twitter postings, the picture, and all that, what was that a result of? Because there were strong comments there that led to concerns from people?

A. "I would like to start off by saying I'm not suicidal. And I never, ever thought about killing myself or doing anything like that. Those Tweets were miscommunications that were misunderstood. I think I kind of channeled my emotions and threw my emotions the wrong way. That was the day I was told I was going to be at the facility for 30 more days, on top of the days I already did, and I was pretty upset. That's what the Tweets came from."

Q. Because it's the Internet, because everything is available to everyone, there is a picture posted and then removed, with your tattoo on the back, with wild assumptions, clearly some of that had to get back to you. Were you surprised the people inspected it almost as if it was Houston CSI and looking at that picture and seeing what they thought. What was your reaction to the reaction?

A. "I was surprised, because I was just there to get a tattoo. I didn't know what was in the picture. Had I have known, the picture wouldn't have gone up. I saw the picture. I tried to analyze the picture myself. I couldn't tell what was in it. To this day, I don't know what was in it. But it wasn't mine. That was just me not being aware of my surroundings. I have to get better than that and stop putting myself in vulnerable situations."

Q. Does Michael Beasley have a substance-abuse problem?

A. "No sir."

There was also the following exchange:

Q. If you can get into it, what was your daily schedule like?

A. (Shakes head, turns to team media-relations official, does not answer.)

Q. Can you give some perspective, people were trying to figure the type of setting you were in, whether it was a hospital setting, whether it was a comfortable social setting, something more stern. When Michael Beasley was in in-patient rehab, the term we've used now for the month, what was that like? Was it a single-dorm room, a comfortable setting, a tense setting, people have different visions. Was it frightening? Was it scary?

A. "It was like the Four Seasons."

Q. Was it that nice, seriously?

A. " Seriously."

Q. And did you feel comfortable in there?

A. (Shoulder shrug, no answer.)

Not long ago, Henry Abbott at TrueHoop made a noble run at explaining the situation. Why was Beasley really in rehab? There was hushed talk of guns and cars and women. It made him sound like Bugsy Siegel, when all outward indications, to that point, suggested that he was merely a magnificently talented, probably stoned 20-year-old flake whose only real crime was the NBA felony of producing bad PR. Sports people have always overreacted to flakes, and I'd like to think that's all that was going on here. Beasley certainly sounds the part:

Q. Your SuperCoolBeas tattoo on your back, what was the inspiration for that, the placement for that on your body. Can you background what happened there?

A. "Because I'm super cool. What inspires any tattoos? And I had an open space on my back."

To which one can only respond: (shoulder shrug.)

Michael Beasley insists he has no drug, depression issues, vows to mature [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]
Michael Beasley's summer odyssey: In his own words [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

Maybe the royalties haven't been flowing from Riley's trademark of "Threepeat," (seriously, look it up), but Miami's a little short of cash. Rather than let people go, Riley asked everyone on the basketball side of operations to take cuts of up to 20 percent. And of course, by "asked," I mean "told."

That means everyone from PR people to scouts, coaches on down to ball boys will be seeing a little less green this year. All the while Quentin Richardson continues to make $9.4 million. There's no justice.

For top earners like Riley, Spoelstra and certain execs, this means cuts in the six figures. It's a noble sacrifice, but I wouldn't want to be the one to inform Riley that this won't help with the salary cap, which the Heat are $3 million over with two roster spots to be filled.

Pat Riley, Miami Heat Coaching Staff Endure Major Pay Cuts [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

The Heat knew what they were in for when they drafted a man once described as "rudderless", but this isn't simply immaturity. It's been a while since we've seen someone so young melt down so completely and publicly.

The story broke tonight that Beasley's residence at a Houston-area substance abuse program is due to getting caught hotboxing a hotel room at last summer's rookie symposium, and has nothing to do with being photographed with a suspicious baggie, or some disturbing Twitter messages this weekend.

Michael Beasley Sr. went on Jorge Sedano's show on 790 The Ticket, and gave some of the usual fatherly platitudes ("it wasn't his marijuana in the photo," etc.). But he did say that the pressures of transitioning to the NBA, especially as a number 2 pick, have been getting to Beasley:

He talks about how it's a job now. In college there wasn't a lot of pressure on him so he could go out and play, but now he's got high expectations and it's work now. I think that became kind of stressful for him going from playing 30 games to 82 games and the playoffs, and it probably took a toll on him."

To his credit, Beasley says that doesn't excuse his son's actions. He's not the only one dealing with professional stress, but his personal situation isn't helping matters:

You have to abide by team rules. I don't think that it was just him. A lot of other guys on the team have to do the same things. I don't think it's that. I really think it's the overwhelming responsibility of being a father. I think that's kind of catching up with him."

Obviously there are some things wrong with Michael Beasley's life. This isn't just the case of someone liking marijuana a little too much; for that, they don't send you to rehab, they force you out of the league like J.R. Rider.

Reportedly Beasley's rehab stint will last up to 30 days, with little to no contact with the outside world during that time. His own father hasn't been able to see him:

He can't have visitors on phone calls so I'm trying to get in contact with John Lucas so I can get down there and see him just to give him a hug and let him know I love him, and I love him unconditionally, and we're here to support him in this time."

One of my most-hated journalistic conventions is when the writer has to tell you how sad a story is. So, I don't know how to end this.

The Miami forward checked into a rehab hospital in Houston this morning, allegedly at the request of his Heat bosses. After the internet took notice of that crazy picture on Saturday night—in particular the mysterious plastic baggie in the background—Beasley started to crack, posting the following two messages on his Twitter.

"Y do I feel like the whole world is against me…I can't win for losin"

"Feelin like it's not worth livin!!!!!!! I'm done."

Shortly thereafter, all his online accounts were gone and now he's in rehab. Who knows how close he was to actually going over the edge, but now he will get some downtime with former coach John Lucas. (The NBA's Tony Dungy, I guess.) Is this just a PR move by the Heat or is Beasley seriously in trouble?

Obviously, he hasn't kicked the weed habit that's been following him since the draft last year, but that doesn't necessarily mean his life is falling apart. He could just be grasping at straws or maybe the Heat finally have drawn a line for him. Clean up your act or we're cutting you lose? Did Twitter just save his life or ruin it?

Heat's Beasley admitted into rehab center [Yahoo Sports]

Atlanta and Miami put together one of the ugliest playoff bouts you're ever going to see, severely testing the limits of fan endurance. There were fifteen lead changes—total—in seven games. Every game was a double-digit blowout and most were marred by ugly play and hard, unnecessary fouls. The only reason the Hawks even won was because in the final game their power forward decided to start chucking three-pointers for no apparent reason. (Joe Johnson was 6-for-8 on Sunday; 4-for-15 the rest of series.) And now their reward: the Cleveland Cavaliers, who will destroy them.

So thanks for wasting everyone's time, Atlanta. Next time, try to be more like Chicago and Boston and capture the hearts of a nation with your spirit and determination. Sheesh.

Bradley's Buzz: The Hawks win a series, and people notice! [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
Loss a reminder of how far Miami Heat has to go [Miami Herald]
Was the Bulls-Celtics series overrated? [The NBA Lottery Pick]

Here are some funny clips from last night of "Voice of the Hawks" Steve Holman mocking Dwayne Wade's supposed diva-like qualities. I guess. Constantly saying his full name in a sing-songy voice ("Dwayaaane Waaade") seems to imply that he doesn't have a lot of respect for man.

My favorite part is when Holman channels the spirit of Wade saying—in a perfect imitation, by the way—"You can't foul me. I have a hurt head. I'm Dwayne Wade." Then his unknown partner chimes in with: "I do commercials." Zing!

Game 6 in Miami should be interesting, if Wade can be bothered to take a break for his lavish pretty boy lifestyle, especially after Josh Smith tried (and failed) a between the legs windmill dunk late in the blowout. Flagrant fouls, showboating, announcer mockery? Now that's good radio.

Hawks Announcer Steve Holman Rips DWade [Fandome]
Atlanta Hawks beat Miami Heat 106-91 [Sun-Sentinel]

So many questions, so little time. When did this happen? Why did this happen? Where did this happen? Who the hell is the drunken boob, why is he wearing a $20,000 white suit, and is he really, as the video alleges, a billionaire? I DEMAND ANSWERS.

Update: Should've guessed — Viral marketing. (HT: John)

Update #2: Ethan Jaynes of NESW Sports has figured out that it's probably a Converse viral marketing campaign.

It's kind of unfortunate that the NBA is marketing this with their little "NBA Cares" logo and sugary background music, like Wade was sent to the kid's house to boost the league's image. This story doesn't need any help, Stern. Just let it happen. Michael Stolzenberg is an 8-year-old Miami-area boy who almost died from a bacterial infection caused by an insect bite this past summer. Michael, the starting quarterback on his youth football team and an avid basketball player, had both his hands and feet amputated due to the illness.

The Heat heard of the efforts to raise money for Michael's rehabilitation, and Wade visited the boy in his Weston home. Then, during the Heat's game with the Grizzlies on Monday, the magic happened. When Wade's shot at the buzzer beat Memphis in overtime, he knew what he wanted to do. Michael was at the game, and Wade gave the boy his jersey.

"I knew where he was sitting, so when I caught his eye and saw him smile right back, it's great," Wade said. "It didn't matter at that time, the connection that we had, it didn't matter who was looking. It was just us."

"He lights you up, the smiles on his face. He seems so happy," Wade said. "Everything that's happened to him is unfortunate. But he lights you up. He makes you feel good. He's a kid I've had a relationship with for a while. I've been to his room. He has everything already in there, and I wanted to add to it."

You've added a lot more than a jersey, my friend.

Damned airborne particles ..

Dwyane Wade Gives His Jersey To Disabled Weston Boy In Stands [Florida Sun Sentinel]
Michael Stolzenberg Trust

The NBA politely reminded the Miami Heat last weekend that these disgusting displays of personal expression are not allowed on their courts, and while that may seem like a case of fussy old white men taking all the fun out of pro basketball, this was actually a necessary corrective meant to restore competitive balance.

Wade was named February's Eastern Conference Player of the Month after being "aided," no doubt, by his fancy adhesive bandages. Yes, he's scored 87 points in his last two games without the performance enhancing strips, but his 41 last night against Cleveland still left him one point shy of opponent LeBron James—and the Heat lost to the Cavs.

Obviously wearing a custom Band-Aid on your face is good for one free throw a night. And no matter how many fans get excited about the craze or start buying the bandages for charity, that's just too much of an edge for Wade. Problem solved!

Cleveland vs. Miami Highlights [NBA.com]
NBA bans Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade's stylish Band-Aids [Miami Herald]
NBA Cracks Down on Personalized Band-Aids just in Time [The Sports Union]

According to Jose Lambiet of the Palm Beach Post, former Wade business partner Richard Von Houtman said he witnessed Wade smoking pot, and that that he saw "remnants of sex parties" at a Miami Beach apartment used by Wade, who was married, and his entourage.

"The man isn't what people worldwide think he is," Von Houtman said Sunday in an extensive interview. "He and his friends are just a bunch of idiots. I mean, I'm in Chicago at a charity party in 2007, and weed is being passed around and Wade takes a hit. In front of everybody.

"I got sucked into doing business with him because he has a first-class media persona, the new Michael Jordan. He was that good guy, father-of-the-year, celebrity who had his head on his shoulder. I found out after a year he was not like that."

Von Houtman rented Wade a $1.7 million, two-story condo in the Spear Building on Miami Beach for $20,000 in 2007 and '08. He turned it over to Wade and his childhood friend Marcus Andrews to use as headquarters for their marketing company, Wade Global Enterprises. But, according to Van Houtman, it also became a headquarters for sexy time.

"They'd have these parties in there two or three times a week," Von Houtman said. "There were always dozens of people in there. Rappers, Dwyane and his entourage, women they'd pick up in clubs. They (Wade and Andrews) both made it clear to me how their goal in life is to have sex with as many women as possible."

It's worth noting that Wade's publicist says that Van Houten's claims are "fairy tales." Wasn't it just a short while ago that Wade was the ultimate super-religious, happily married straight arrow? When did evil Dwyane escape the Phantom Zone?

Ex-Partner: D. Wade's Condo Used For Sex Parties [Page 2 Live]
So Dwyane Wade Likes To Have Wild Sex Parties ... [Sportaphile]

When last we saw them: Finished 15-67, fifth in Southeast Division, 15th in the East, dead last in NBA...and in our hearts. [Insert sad walking away music here.]

Walking through that door: Jamaal Magloire, James Jones, Super Mario Chalmers, Michael Beasley, Shaun Livingston (maybe), Yakhouba Diawara (gesundheit!)

Not walking through that door: Alonzo Mourning (but I'm sure he's still flexing somewhere), Jason Williams, Ricky Davis, and all those D-Leaguers they had to sign just to have 12 warm bodies on the roster last season

The Good: Dwyane "I'm finally healthy again" Wade looked so good in the Olympics that it was like he'd been exposed to Cosmic Rays or rebuilt almost entirely out of bionic parts. He was strokin' the J, shutting people down, and running and dunking with an athleticism we'd all sort of forgotten he had. Shawn Marion brings that do-everything, can't-see-it-all-in-the-box-score goodness wherever he goes (even to children's parties!). And he's playing for a new contract. (Never underestimate the power of the Contract Year Phenomenon.) Michael Beasley was a monster in college (26.2 PPG and 12.4 RPG as a freshman at Kansas State last season), and he should be, like, a mini-monster almost immediately in the NBA (especially since he won't be the focal point of the team). Keep in mind that Beasely is one of, like, five or six low post scorers in the entire league. Udonis Haslem is strong on the boards and provides a steady stream of mid-range jumpers. Pat Riley's obsessive control freakiness will be operating upstairs and away from the players. (Unless he decides to descend from the darkness and take over again. But what are the chances of...oh, wait, never mind.) Oh, and Mark Blount could totally win a hot dog eating contest, any time, any place. Don't test him. Okay, okay, go ahead and test him.

The Bad: D-Wade, Marion and Beasley are a nice one-two-three combo, but past that? Mark Blount is their center. Their starting center. At the point, they'll be starting either Mario "I'm a rookie!" Chalmers, Marcus "Me, Me, Me!" Banks, or Chris "Holy crap how am I still in the league?" Quinn. That, my friends, is what we call a triple-threat negative. And when that kind of trash dubious talent finds its way into your starting lineup, it sort of indicates what you can expect from the bench (James Jones and Jamaal Magloire are as "good" as it gets.) Unless Wade lets these guys in on the Power of Greyskull or whatever it is he's been channeling lately, the Heat could be are in trouble. Mind you, this mish-mash of a team - the Heat had the highest player-for-player turnover in the entire league, by the way - is being governed by rookie head coach Erik Spoelstra, who's best known for...well, crap, I have no idea. Let me check his NBA.com bio: "Known for his game preparation and superb attention to detail as the Heat's Assistant Coach/Director of Scouting, Spoelstra had the primary role of developing game plans for upcoming opponents for the past seven seasons." So he was developing game plans for last year's 15-win squad? This should work out just great then!

Fun Facts: The team is referred to as the HEAT (all capital letters) in most official team publications. And I don't think it's a simple Caps Lock error, so let's do it here too! The HEAT have two retired numbers, and neither one honors a former HEAT player: The first is Michael Jordan's number 23 (because Pat Riley was secretly in love with him), and the second is Miami Dolphins legend Dan Marino's number 13 (because the HEAT felt sorry that Dan never won anything in his career). Rumor has it that when Riley finally calls it quits, the HEAT will become the first team to ever officially retire a former coach's hair. Only one HEAT player has ever received NBA Rookie of the Month Honors: Caron Butler did it four times (November 2002, January through March 2003). The HEAT's alternate logo is kinda lame. And I bet you never even knew they had an alternate logo. HEAT mascot Burnie was once sued for $1 million after he "assaulted" the wife of a U.S. federal court judge.

Videotastic extra: Speaking of Burnie, here's a little video where he gets assaulted. What is it with Pistons fans and throwing beers?

Earlier today, the old home to both the Miami Heat and Florida Panthers got demolished, and we've got video of the implosion following the jump:

Here's to hoping that toke buddies Mario Chalmers and Michael Beasley didn't go to the wrong practice site this morning.

Image Source

Miami Arena to be demolished Sunday [Miami Herald]

The Heat's number one pick was slapped with a $50,000 fine after he finally admitted he was in the cheeba-and-chick filled hotel room that night, but only after weeks of dodging the accusations and separating himself from the incident. TrueHoop's Henry Abbott seems legitimately concerned for the former K-State stud, whom he calls "rudderless"after this latest incident which comes soon after the odd ordeal with his former agent :

Maybe these kinds of messy decisions are par for the course for someone his age.

Here's what worries me though: He's at a stage where he's taking a big step up. The level of competition he's facing is about to leap. Those are times when it's all about work. When there is a lot to prove.

It's like exam day. (One of the early exams is a basic intelligence test: Can you stay out of trouble throughout the few days of the League's seminar on staying out of trouble?)

Beasley's house may not be in order — but some other players' are. They're working it all out. All those worries, the agent selection, the marketing deals, the money management, the things your family needs from you, the trouble with the league ... it all takes time and energy.

Miami Heat president Pat Riley backed Beasley and praised him for (eventually) coming forward and admitting it, but only after he took his number one pick to the top of the American Airlines Arena and scared him straight:"You smoke weed, doncha! Go ahead. Jump!"
The Good Ship Michael Beasley, Adrift [TrueHoop]

Dwyane Wade's plummet from fresh-faced NBA megastar to injury-prone cellphone salesman continues on its downward spiral, as the Miami Heat guard has popped up as the new face of Chinese-based "Sueper Sex", a pre-intercourse "time delay capsule" according to Black Sports Online. (Via Sports Business Digest)

But not so fast: The image on the packet is the same one used on NBA Live 06 and was, according to Wade's spokespeople, not authorized by the NBA star. So, this isn't one of those situations where high-profile celebs get millions of dollars in Asia to promote blue jeans or beer. This is actually more comparable to when Ellen Griswold becomes the shower-dancing star of "The Hot, Wet Wife" in Italy.

Hopefully, D-Wade has a good lawyer in his five.

Dwayne Wade: Long, strong, and down to get the friction on! [Sports Business Digest]















From Finals MVP To Sex Pill Pusher [Black Sports Online]

The Heat were the worst team in the NBA this year, and Wade's buddy Shaq is gone. More to the point, though ... Wade's supposedly dating Star Jones (Star Jones! Seriously!) and having alleged groupies of his call into radio stations. Wade went from the superstar everyone can like to a beaten, injured spirit who's showing up in gossip pages everywhere. (With Star Jones!) (!!)

We dunno; we supposed we're just worried about the guy. That seemed to turn, like, really fast.

Dwyane Wade Groupie Discusses Hookup On The Radio [You Been Blinded]
Sportsman Of The Year: Dwyane Wade [SI Vault]

According to a person affiliated with the Miami Heat organization, Star Jones has been picking up Dwayne after most of their recent home games. The insider told MediaTakeOut.com, "[Dwayne's] teammates are even joking around with him about it. They say he has to watch his back - cause Al's gonna get him."

Pat Riley should really learn to keep his mouth shut and mind his own business.

G.W.H.T.I.T.: Dwyane Wade Is Dating Star Jones? [Sports By Brooks]
(Photo: Gliteratti Gossip)