The school and the campus police are currently playing dumb, refusing to release any details about the fight and the athletic department similarly won't say why the players were given the boot. But witness told the campus newspaper that one of the guys involved in the Sunday night brawl had dreadlocks, so that pretty much cinches it. Also, Winston is a violent idiot so everyone knows he had to be involved.

As you may recall, Winston (pictured in this bittersweet moment) went to jail this summer after beating up an MSU hockey player—the player missed the whole season as a result—and was reinstated to the football team the day he was released. It's really heartwarming to see a young man make the most of his second chance. Mark Dantonio's sparkling judgment remains unblemished.

Winston, Jenrette removed from team; police, MSU silent [The State News]

Actually, there's a simpler explanation:

"One of my colleagues works at the U.S. Naval Academy and suggested we put together a trip to the Navy vs. Louisiana game last weekend. I believe there were about 30 or so who decided to go. As is the Wisconsin tradition, we also tailgated before, during and after the game. As is also UW tradition, I represented the Badgers by wearing a Badger hooded sweatshirt to the Navy game. Someone once said, no matter where you go, you'll find a fellow Badger. Sure enough, no less than a dozen Wisconsin alums stopped by our tailgate.

"As we entered the game and took our seats, I noticed the Midshipmen directly across from our seats. Then it dawned on me... I would stand out in that crowd. I told my friend to watch gate seven directly behind the Midshipmen. I went around the stadium and made my way down to the center of the Midshipmen seating section and wave to my partners in crime across the stadium. Before you knew it, several pictures had been taken. I was then informed I needed to leave the Midshipmen seating section. However, Badger Spirit had already been captured."

Yes, Waldo is very proud.

Now That Badger Stands Out In A Crowd! [Wisconsin Alumni Association]

* * * * *

Which brings me to my next order of business. My next two Saturdays are going to be occupied by football road trips. I'll be heading to the Michigan State-Michigan game on October 3, but first it's off to Madison for Michigan State at Wisconsin. I've been informed by anonymous sources that tailgating is not the hallowed UW tradition that some would lead you to believe (something about backbreaking winter weather?), but I'm more than willing to be proven wrong. Suggestions, tips and points of interest for Madison-area pregaming are welcome. Or just invite me to your FAILgate. I'll bring the video camera, you supply the horrific incidents of pain and degradation. It's win-win. (P.S. Please supply cheese curds and red ales and lagers.)

That goes for East Lansing, too. It's been awhile since I've done that town up right. I hope Dooley's is still as rockin' as ever!

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin's search for quality bratwurst. Barry Petchesky to be on later. As soon as Salisbury stops emailing.

How can a football player, who is my age, who went to my school, in my class, be finished with his career already? It doesn't make sense. I remember watching his touchdown punt return against Michigan—maybe the most thrilling game I ever saw in person—and that was ... geebus ... 14 years ago? How old am I?

He was never the best player on any of his teams (and I'm pretty sure he never accidentally shot himself in the thigh), but he was always reliable and occasionally great. He returned punts and kickoffs and caught passes with competence, which is suprisingly rare these days. He played in a Super Bowl—one of the most thrilling games I ever saw on the TV—and two Pro Bowls and again, never shot anyone, which for MSU wideouts is pretty impressive. He was just ... good. For quite a long time actually and now he's going to retire (earlier than he needs to, by the way) and will probably stay retired and open a car dealership or something. That's pretty neat. And maybe a little depressing for me.

I wish there was a YouTube of the pass he caught—lying on his back, after a horrible Tony Banks pass went right through the hands of freshman Charles Woodson—to keep that game-winning drive rolling back in 1995. I guess you had to be there.

This should suffice for the moment.

Baltimore Ravens WR Derrick Mason calls it quits after 12 years [ESPN]
Derrick Mason wasn't the receiver of the '00s, but he was close [Shutdown Corner]

Tickets are now on sale for Izzo Goes To Broadway, a "Broadway-style performance featuring Tom and Lupe Izzo and six accomplished Broadway performers." It's being staged next month on the Michigan State campus and even though it's a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society, I think even the biggest song-and-dance loving chemo patients would prefer that he just write a check and keep his jazz hands to himself.

Izzo Goes To Broadway was written exclusively as a mini-Broadway show telling the story of Coach Izzo's journey from high school to Michigan State to making it to the top on Broadway. The performance features music from several Broadway standards, including 42nd Street, Cats, Chicago, The Phantom of the Opera and A Chorus Line as sung by professional Broadway performers. Among the six-member cast is one actor with 13 Broadway credits on his resume. One of the other professionals is a Lansing native who attended Waverly schools. Several of the performers are taking a break from their current Broadway roles to be a part of this special production.

Oh, I hope there's dancing. He's like Tommy Tune in reverse.

Izzo Goes To Broadway Tickets On Sale [MSU Spartans]

The frustrating Michigan State team returned—the team that beats itself with bad decisions and worse shooting. They didn't lose a lot this season, but when they did lose, they lost bad and tonight was no exception. I guess the Spartans did better than they did in the December matchup, but not much. They were out of this game four minutes into it and I guess they didn't give up, but they certainly never had a chance. Sigh.

Make no mistake, though—North Carolina is awesome. With everyone on board, they were one of the most complete teams you will ever see. They made winning look effortless. Even if Michigan State cuts their turnovers in half and makes a few more threes, they probably still lose by 10. Obviously, we all would have preferred a more competitive final, but this outcome was inevitable from the first practice way back in October.

So the best team won, Michigan will go back to being a depressed and lonely place, and I just hope that somewhere in the student ghetto of Cedar Village, thousands of drunkards will refrain from embarrassing the Michigan State name one more time. Try to keep the fires under control, kids ... it's a school night.

SN on streets of East Lansing: "Everyone appears to be in good spirits." [The State News on Twitter]

Second Half

12:09 — [wipes tear from eye] There's just something about One Shining Moment that draws all the remaining cynicism from my lower intestine and converts it into dreams and rainbows for babies with AIDS. Despite the horrible game, I am at peace. No worries, though. I will continue to seek out petty annoyances, build them up internally, and let them flush out in the form of Deadspin's next live blog. Until then, comrades, please tell Sandy I said "WHEEEEEEEEEE!"

12:05 — Awkwardest music transition in sports broadcasting history: peppy basketball band music to Masters coverage piano melody. And now ... SHINE ON.

12:00 — IT'S MIDNIGHT AND I DON'T HAVE A SHINY SHINY MONTAGE YET.

11:58 — I'll give North Carolina this. With all those walrus-vomit-colored championship t-shirts that have come out over the years, it was nice of them to simplify with a blue "1" and an NC shield-looking thing.

11:51 — Oh, you think I'm done, bitches? We still have a fuckin' tear-jerking montage to sit through!

11:50 — Gleh. The important thing is that unemployment has ABSOLUTELY NO CORRELATION to basketball. (Exception: Billy Gillispie)

11:48 — I think I just saw Hansbrough's Elated Face. I will now be flaccid for the next 72 hours.

11:46 — GO CRAZY, SANDY! GO CRAZY!

72 89

11:45 — UNC calls a timeout to sub in the "fan favorites" for the "actual fan favorites, you know, the ones that scored all the points this season."

11:43 — I don't know what I did to deserve the presence of Idong Ibok on the court, but there he is.

11:37 — No, Jim Nantz, this was not their chance to revitalize the Michiganian economy. Have you seen Raymar Morgan's plan to create new jobs? "Just have everyone put on a mask like mine?" How is that a viable solution?

11:35 — The camera pans to the UNC bench. Look at them. Ha! Know what they all have in common? That's right, they're all ... immune to sickle cell anemia.

11:33 — It's not that people are outraged over spending 50 cents without getting a bun. It's that, without bread, people can actually taste how terrible a hot dog really is.

11:31 — I think Mr. Kellogg said something about Michigan State having to cut the lead to 10 points by this time. It's now 15 with the Heelies possessing the ball. Goodnight, Mid-Michigan!

65 80

11:28 — I will say this. MSU has not relented in drawing contact and shooting free throws. That's what's kept this game from being, well, over. If it was over, I'd be asleep by now. This is the cross Big Ten basketball has to bear.

11:24 — Stay tuned for an all new NCIS in which, just like this game, they nail the criminal 10 minutes in and then you get to watch 50 minutes of lawyers doing paperwork.

11:21 — And Gutsbrough moves up the all-time NCAA tournament career scoring list. Not sure where they keep that list. Probably in a safe place.

11:21 — Suton's elbows. Baby pandas eating your babies. DO NOT PROSECUTE THEM.

11:19 — With seven-and-a-half minutes left, I see no better time to start automatically fouling. That way foulouts will force Idong into the game.

11:16 — Look, a Vince Carter sighting! Wave to him, Canada!

11:13 — Oh, the quietly developing battle, beyond American Cars v. Foreign Cars and Apple vs. PC is Every Freaking Investing Company vs. Every Other One. Too bad TD Ameritrade got first pick in the playground draft. Sam Waterston just sweats integrity. He makes me want to talk to Chuck, but only to say "Up yours, carpetbagger!"

53 72

11:11 — "Maybe if they can make a couple of threes..." A gaudy qualifier, Clark Kellogg.

11:10 — It's free throws the rest of the way for MSU. That is the other bright spot. Just like the sunroof in the new Ford Focus. Ford: They're Cars™.

11:08 — Boy, the Spartan faithful sure remain vibrant in this game. Though, in all fairness, there is nowhere else to go that doesn't end in a good ol' shivving.

11:05 — Goran Suton's elbows are apparently considered federally protected baby pandas.

11:00 — As we go to break, perhaps Sparty can hem the shorts of all the UNC players in the huddle, resulting in 12 technical fouls and 24 free throws.

46 65

11:00 — Oh, never mind.

10:59 — THEY'VE CUT IT TO 16! HELEN WOULD LIKE A RASPBERRY DAIQUIRI!

10:56 — Eyelids. That's the problem. Tyler Hansbrough lacks eyelids! Will any lovelorn and/or goth girls donate theirs for a transplant?

10:53 — This seems like as good a time as any to put in Idong Ibok. I have some jokes in my Bindle of Wit ripe and ready for it.

10:51 — If you're just joining us, it's a VERY CLOSE GAME AND YOU SHOULD STAY PUT. Any scores you see on the TV and/or Internet are merely typographical errors and will be fixed at the end of the game.

41 61

10:50 — Oh, c'mon. Lawson bogarts his eighth pass in wild, unpredictable fashion. Well, nine, if you count Sandy's heart.

10:46 — So here's a fun* experiment. Try and guess at what point in time UNC will have scored as many points as State will the entire game. I'm saying "12:14" and "66" points.

* - Okay, YOU think of something better to do. Wait, no, DON'T LEAVE ME.

10:45 — And we're back to game action, however that's defined today.

10:41 — Wouldn't hurt just to have Bird and Magic play one-on-one for 20 minutes. Wait, who am I kidding? I'll just play Magic Johnson's Fast Break.

What To Look For In The Second Half

Will Sandy find true love? Will Helen get her feet rubbed? And featuring special guest star, Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Halftime

Now's the time to potty, smoke, stretch, scratch, and measure the distance between East Lansing and your place of residence, so as to calculate how long you have until the blaze reaches you and everything you live. Then enjoy our halftime edu-tainment.

First Half

34 55

10:21 — A quick game of NCAA Indoor Tennis breaks out, and ... that's the half. As much as I love the company ... holy shit, save yourselves. I'll letcha know if this bastard becomes interesting. I mean ... KEEP WATCHING HIT F5

10:20 — It's a three on zero! And ... oh, nobody picks up Ellsworth. SANDY NEEDS A LOZENGE!

10:16 — The State defense forces a timeout as Ty Lawson falls victim to the "Moe Howard" stance.

10:14 — The Mentalist is on Tuesday night, it seems. See, if you read Deadspin comments, this is new information for you.

10:14 — Well, look at this. A coupla stops in a row, and the lead's down to 18.

10:12 — Y'know, maybe Michigan State needs their own loud cheering lady. Perhaps that's what'll spur a comeback. We'll give them "Helen." You can't hear her, but just pretend.

10:09 — And with that timeout, here's to seeing if we can get the font right this time.

25 48

10:07 — SANDY CANNOT CONTAIN HERSELF! (Seriously. It's like they don't know she's there.)

10:05 — A pass slips through MSU's fingers. So much for the Canola Oil timeout gambit.

10:04 — Re: big font. Look, occasionally I'm just trying to cater to Deadspin often-overlooked nonagenarian demographic.

10:02 — Oh, sure, the ONE TIME Sandy is mum.

10:00 — Just the kind of news Lansing needed! Raymar Morgan, the one with the mask, goes down for the count. Clap hard, Lansing! Clap as hard as you can to bring him back to life!

18 38

9:56 — I can't help but think that all these offensive rebounds are the difference in this game. As opposed to all those offensive rebounds my college girlfriend slept with.

9:54 — A goaltending call on Heartsbrough, keeping the lead at a svelte 20 points, pushes the momentum in the Spartans favor, the way that Wile E. Coyote's umbrella pushed away those boulders.

9:53 — Gak. 23-point lead. 29 minutes left. How about I switch over to the A's-Angels game at halftime?

9:49 — Sure was nice of Radford to fill in for those first 10 minutes while Michigan State ran out and satisfied their Qdoba jones. Now, how about a good game here? Sandy's seat is becoming moister by the minute.

9:47 — [Fixes font. You saw nothing.]

11 24

9:42 — Phew. After all that flotsamming and jetsomming, the Heels still retain a double-digit lead over the Honda lawnmower.

9:40 — Chris Allen will now try those "free throws" all the kids are doing. His major: Computer Engineering. NERD! He makes 1 of 2. score++; //never forget the semicolon

9:39 — Danny Green picked up back-to-back fouls, which is the silver lining in Michigan State's game. Just like the new silver trim on the sporty new Chevy Silverado. American Cars for American-Looking Folks™.

9:38 — The lead is already 15 points. Probably wasn't a wise move to start Zach Miner for this game.

9:36 — This is unreal. After a UNC basket, Ty Lawson rapes and/or pillages the inbounds pass, and eventually the possession leads to more points. Sandy approves.

9:34 — That screaming lady catching the telecast microphone? For simplicity's sake, I'm going to call her Sandy.

9:32 — Meanwhile, GM takes the lead with the "rally cap" hat commercial. Remember, wear your hats inside out and not backwards, because that's what Detroit gangs are prone to do.

7 17

9:31 — State's rushing their shots, but the Heels are rushing them better, it seems. It's getting uglier than a Hansbrough O-face.

9:29 — It wouldn't hurt CBS at all if they lowered the volume of everything else but the announcers and that screaming woman in the 14th row.

9:28 — Fouling Tyler Hansbrough carries a $25 fine in Chapel Hill. UNC's props their lead up to five points.

9:26 — 3-point tradesies. "Dibs," "not it" and "back cuts" are still up for grabs. 5-3 Heels.

9:25 — And the Heels break the scoreboard cherry 14 seconds in. Not sure if that's legal in Michigan.

9:24 — And there's the tip ... oh, jump ball. Still tied, then.

Telecast

9:18 — OH NO TWITTER IS DOWN WHO DO MY FAVORITE CELEBRITIES HAVE WINNING THIS GAME?

9:14 — Please don't mention "destiny" as a factor in the game. Makes it sound so ... final. Why even try boxing out?

Pre-Game Babble

They just had to schedule this the same night as Opening Day, didn't they? Judging by the Tigers-Jays score, maybe that was a wise move.

Anyways, let's get right down to the action. Here's the analysis you won't get anywhere else. Everyone thinks Chevrolet is going to walk away with the victory tonight, but I don't know. Those Ford guys are really scrappy. Especially their used cars. Yes, everyone is going to point to the rout last December in car sales, but it's a very different ballgame today. It will be closer than this double-digit profit margin everyone's talking about, but I still think Chevrolet, with the combination of Howie Long and that terribly irritating little red-headed girl, will pull out the victory tonight.

I'm live blogging a two-hour car commercial, right? I mean, I assumed that's why it's in Detroit. And for what it's worth, I had my bracket all wrong. I had Chrysler, Honda, Saturn, and Rickshaw, Inc. as my Cinderella team.

By the way, in my haphazard Mateen Cleaves research, I discovered that he's still trying, God bless him. Tell Khalid El-Amin he still has my Vertical Horizon poster.

The ELP are girding for unbridled mayhem tonight whether Michigan State pulls out a win over North Carolina in the championship game or not. They're deploying about 230 officers on the streets of East Lansing. Lowering expectations is a game that this department plays well; here's what they described as "peaceful" following Saturday's MSU win over UConn:

People were arrested for a variety of offenses, including throwing objects, indecent exposure, attempted arson and assault. Several couches were set on fire shortly after MSU's win, but were quickly extinguished.

Authorities say several couch fires were extinguished in the 500 block of Stoddard. They also responded to reports of students hanging off street lamps.

By comparison, there were only 24 arrests made in 1999 in what CBS News described as "a riot" following the Spartans' loss to Duke in the semifinals.

What can stem the mayhem this time? Don't worry, everyone; Mitch Albom is doing all he can to dampen the mood:

It will not save us. No basketball game can do that. No matter who wins Monday night, Tuesday morning the jobs still will be gone, the factories still silent and empty, the houses still for sale or abandoned altogether. The out-of-town media who see a national championship tonight at Ford Field as some uplifting salve for downtrodden Detroit are a bit misdirected.

My big question in all of this: Where the hell is Robocop?

MSU Die-Hards Revel In Saturday Win, Gear Up For Monday Night [Detroit Free Press]
East Lansing Police: 60 Arrested In 'Peaceful' Celebration [Lansing State Journal]
EL Police Brace For Title Game [Lansing State Journal]
Pride Not Pity Should Be Detroit's Finals Legacy [Detroit Free Press]

You know I'm usually not one for trash talking, especially after the fact, but ... screw the Big East. The "greatest conference of all time" had three number one seeds this year and the ugly, brutish Big Ten beat two of them. Easily. And they scored 80 points doing it. (Sorry, Digger Phelps!) They don't play that way because they can't play any other way—or because Leitch and I enjoy it so much—they play that way because it works.

Now that I got that "no one believed in us" crap out of my system, I can just sit back and enjoy Monday night. I don't know if Michigan State can beat North Carolina, and I don't really care. The Tar Heels are finally starting to look like the team that dismantled the Spartans back in December; I just hope it will be closer than 35 points this time. But everyone knew they were the best team then and everyone knows they are the best team now and if UNC wins the title, so be it.

Because I do believe they are going to play the second-best team in the country and I'm just glad that State was able to prove it. I didn't get to Detroit this weekend or get alcohol poisoning on Cedar Street, but I think my downstairs neighbors know what's what. Plus, the Spartans sent a message and the State of Michigan got at least one nice victory—and three million new jobs, right?—and that's enough for me this year. Big bad UConn got pushed around last night and the looks on the players' faces as that realization slowly came over them was all I needed to see.

Police disperse Cedar Village crowd; few incidents reported [The State News]

Yes, I checked into the emergency room on Friday night (for, let's say ... "exhaustion") about a half-hour before the tip of the Michigan State-Kansas game. Still have no idea what happened there. On Saturday afternoon, after 20 hours of staring at the ceiling, I figured the Regional Final games would help me pass the time, but apparently, the closest CBS affiliate broadcasting the game was in Guam. It was fine as long as none of the players moved.

Even better, when they finally did discharge me ... it was in the middle of the first half of the Louisville game on Sunday. So I had to rush to the pharmacy to get prescriptions, then rush home in time to catch the second half, and somehow ... it wasn't even that close. Not that I'm complaining. I don't think my fragile system could have handled a Villanova-like nail biter.

So my alma mater is in the Final Four again and I missed almost all of it, but I finally spent last night in my own bed, dreaming of reasonably-priced ticket packages. Of which, naturally, there were will be none. I'm sure that even in a depressed economy you will be able to find 75,000 Michigan residents able to pony up the home team premium for seats. But that's okay. I'll probably just end up stabbing myself in the thigh on Friday night and heading back to the E.R. Hey, you don't mess with a streak.

Oh, and one more thing about all the "the State of Michigan really needs this" stories that will nauseate you this week. I don't want to get into a whole Detroit/Ann Arbor/East Lansing "who loves who more" thing, but to all our Michigan-based readers out there, I just want to say this. If you catch any out-of-work Wolverine fans trying to latch on to this everybody-feel-good moment and saying things like "I was pulling for State all along" and (heaven forbid) "I hope WE can pull it out" ... just go ahead and punch them right in the mouth.

Lansing March Mania [Lansing State Journal]
Destined 4 Detroit [The State News]
A fairy tale for Tom Izzo, Magic and all Spartans [Detroit Free Press]

2) Case closed Michigan State is 5-0 all-time in NCAA Tournament games in Indianapolis and 7-0 as a No. 2 seed. It's like they don't even need to play the game. (Seriously, if Kansas wants to forfeit, that's cool with me.)

3) Half Right Like they did against Kansas in January, the Spartans have a habit of shutting down opposing offenses for long stretches of time. It's a trait that is reminiscent of the 2000 championship team, which was one of the best defensive and rebounding teams ever seen. However, State also has a less attractive habit of forgetting to score their own points during those stretches. For example: in their second-round game against USC, the Trojans tied the score at 67 with 4:36 left, yet scored no more field goals the rest of the game. Over the same period, Michigan State scored two and the game was still in doubt with under a minute to go. Yes, defense wins championships, but it helps to throw a few points in there too.

KANSAS JAYHAWKS

1) The Beast From Bloomington With 13 points, 20 rebounds, and 10 blocks, Cole Aldrich recorded the first official triple-double in Kansas Jayhawks history last Sunday against against the Dayton Flyers. Why the official disclaimer? The NCAA didn't record blocks or steals until 1986. I have no idea how the hell that's even possible, but when it comes to the NCAA there's nothing they can't screw up, even stats. If we ignore the official caveat, one must go back to 1957 for the last Kansas triple-double, which of course was posted by Wilt Chamberlain during Christmas Break '57 when he "acquainted himself with" 14 redheads, 12 blondes, and 11 brunettes in the course of a single Saturday night. Back then, of course, "acquainting oneself with" a young woman was a euphemism for anal sex.

2) This time it's personal It's only been a little over two months since KU met Michigan State in the regular season (the results of which shan't be discussed here), but it's been slightly longer since the two basketball powerhouses have met in the NCAA Tournament. In 1986, the Jayhawks met the Spartans in a Southeast Regional semifinal matchup at Kansas City's godforsaken Kemper Arena. Some shot clock irregularities gave the Jayhawks an extra 10-15 seconds of game time, which they used to complete their comeback from a second-half deficit and send the game into overtime, which they then of course won. Michigan State fans were livid about the supposed home cooking, and it's one of those minor footnotes in history that fans on the internet still get all CAPS LOCK-y about still today while conveniently ignoring the fact that Michigan State blew a few chances in the waning moments of the second half to seal a victory.

3) Your seats, show them to me. The greatest KU basketball story ever told isn't one you'll find in the pages of Inside Sports or the Twitter feed of Rick Rielly. No, the greatest KU basketball story ever told is the one that popped up last year on an anonymous, now-dormant blog. Both Kansas fans and opposing fans have latched onto it with glee, and retell it with relish. Is it true? Who knows? Who cares? Ladies and gentlemen, the AIN'T NO SEATS story:

Someone from my dorm last year had a class with Sherron Collins and a few other basketball players (Darrell Arthur, Brady Morningstar, maybe someone else) and they always sit next to each other and cheat on tests and such. Sherron enters class on a test day and immediately goes and sits right next to the other players, and of course you're supposed to have a seat between you and the closest person. The teacher tells Sherron to sit in the front of the class, where there are five or six completely empty rows. Sherron doesn't even look up and just yells 'AIN'T NO SEATS' and proceeds to continue in his studious ways and miraculously gets an A on the test while sitting next to the basketball players.

Remember — "Most of us are going pro in something other than sports."

The explanation is simple, of course—they need to sell tickets. It's hard enough to fill the Breslin Center for a regular MSU game, but try doing it for four teams that no one in East Lansing could give a rip about. So the Spartans (and some other teams that did not necessarily deserve it) got to play at home for rounds one and two, despite being the lower-seeded team in both games. So what happened? Two wins, including a sweet, sweet smackdown of top-seeded Duke, now led by State's former coach.

Joanne P. McCallie left East Lansing for Durham in 2007, one month after signing a $500,000 contract extension. She actually tried to sell it as a good thing for women's basketball, because the fact that one school would pay out big bucks to pinch a coach from another program means that the ladies' game has finally arrived. Yay, headhunting! Just like the men! I think the fact that a coach who took a team to its only Final Four appearance was booed on her return to campus probably says something too.

So yes, it's totally unfair that a No. 9 seed got to play two postseason games at home, but honestly ... no one cares. Spartan fans will take it.

Spartan women knock off Duke, McCallie, 63-49 [Lansing State Journal]
Duke's Coach P stands on way she left Michigan St [AP]
Losing Joanne McCallie to Duke was blessing in disguise for Michigan State [Gang Green]
2009 Women's NCAA Tournament Bracket [ESPN]

Right off the bat, let's get this off my chest: I know fuck all about college basketball. My credentials for writing this are solely that I attended Michigan State University during their 2000 championship run, which in turn led me to see five different female breasts during the Mardi Gras-like celebration that ensued. As such, if I get some of the "rules" wrong, get off my back! (Apparently, there's this line that the players can attempt shots behind that will give them three points instead of two if they make it! Who knew?)

Just to set the scene, I'm in now-dark Southern California, midway through my third beer, watching the game on the NCAA feed on my desktop computer – in HD, to see every one of Izzo's beautiful, beautiful hairs! – and typing furiously on my laptop, which is resting on my lap, warming my genitals, murdering millions of sperm as we speak.

The winner of this game gets to take on the [insert condom joke here] of USC. But most importantly, this game leads us West Coasters almost RIGHT into the series finale of "Battlestar Galactica". If any of you East Coasters throw spoilers up on this thread, I will track you down and murder you in your sleep. I'm not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly, and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.

Let's do the man-dance!

PRE-GAME - I don't care how often I see him, Tom Izzo is as close to a Leprechaun Coach as we're ever going to get.

19:57 - Almost immediately, Raymar Morgan shows Robert Morris who the REAL financier is. Whatever that means. Slam-dunk, 2-0.

17:20 - And just like that, Robert Morris is back in the game. And since we're going to be here awhile, just know that RoMo is now how I'm shortening the name of this odd school. 8-7, Spartans.

16:09 - If anyone has the "less than 4 minutes into the game" square for how long it would take to mention Izzo's focus on rebounding, you're a winner!

14:56 - Great and-1 drive to the hoop by Nuwigmay? Noowignay? I'd look his name up, but I don't even know how to pronounce it.

Commercial Break - I guess it's time to take Arby's off the list of places I'll be eating at in the near future. I know they're making a point that they're not greasy, but I still didn't need the visual of a grease-ball high schooler wiping his hair back with a burger.

13:35 - I'm going to go with Nuwigway. Is this somehow racist if I don't care enough to look it up? Spartans up, 17-14.

12:27 - I already admitted that I haven't seen a WHOLE lot of college basketball this year, but I have seen a number of MSU games, which is why I'd like to say that I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Robert Morris wins this match-up. If MSU starts going cold - something they've done nearly every other game all year - then the Big Ten could be looking awfully foolish after this weekend. 19-18, Sparty.

Commercial Break - Do girls really have sex with you immediately if you use Axe Body Spray, as if they're an armpit roofie? Does anyone have any insight on this, by chance?

10:40 - A blocked shot lands right in the large, should-be-Eastern-European arms of Goran Suton, leading to an old fashioned 3-point play. 22-18, Spartans.

10:21 - John Segel? JOHN Segel? I'm sorry, Gus Johnson. It's JASON Segel that's on "How I Met Your Mother". You might remember him from the enormous cock he showed off in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Your ass just got served!

9:07 - Len Elmore has the rulebook sitting open in his lap, doesn't he? 26-23, Spartans.

Commercial Break - Regarding the "Resident Evil 5" commercial: Isn't it a cheat to use that "Requiem for a Tower" score in, well, anything anymore?

Commercial Break? - So, um, something happened in the game for about 2 seconds and then they went right back to commercials, including the awesomely homoerotic Sheraton Hotels one with a bunch of same-sex couples showcasing their fetish for wearing rival school's outfits, something you just know they're going to "punish" each other for later in the bedroom. (Hint: By "punish" I mean "sexual intercourse"!)

7:37 - Robert Morris can't even check in right? Step it up, small school! This is the big leagues!

5:59 - New-wig-weigh ties up the game with a nice 20-footer and completely destroys the Internet in the process, sticking my computer on "Buffering" mode for a good 30 seconds. 28-28.

4:15 - Kalin Lucas double-clutch reverse kick-flip 360 beauty puts MSU up, 32-30.

3:44 - During the timeout, I got the following text message from my younger sister: "Who is John Holmes?" I'm kind of scared to answer.

2:58 - A nondescript Robert Morris player throws up a shot, which gets halfway down before rattling out. Kind of like sexual intercourse! Am I right, people? (Note: While I was crafting that amazing joke, MSU just went on a run. 41-30, MSU.)

Commercial Break - Since this looks to be the time when MSU starts getting serious, and when Robert Morris starts playing like Robert Morris (presumably), this sucker's about to get boring real quick. As such, here's a very NSFW image of a man having sex with his tailpipe. You're welcome.

Halftime - MSU heads into the locker room with a 41-30 lead over Robert Morris, and even though RoMo has put up a bit of a fight, this seems like it might already be in books. The Spartans ended the half with an 11-point run, and it won't be surprising if, after the first 5 minutes of the second half, MSU is up by 20 points or so. Which means it's time for another beer. Go ahead and crack one open, readers. You've earned it.

Still Halftime - Goddamnit. I'm really upset I didn't do the reverse-time-posting version of the live-blog like everyone else. I'm sorry that you all have to scroll down every time after refreshing. But that just means you'll get an extra shot at clicking on the "guy fucking his car" link above. Lemons into lemonade.

Halftime, Continuing - This AT&T "At the Half" has all of the production value of my high school TV production class. And boom goes the dynamite!

Halftime, But We're Getting Close - This live feed from the NCAA website of the half-time activities, with it's camera in the corner of the stadium is kind of mesmerizing. I think I lost the last 5 minutes of my life to a daze.

18:45 - Morgan plays with the smaller non-rebounding folk of Robert Morris before getting fouled on the shot, misses both, and MSU gets the rebound, misses the shot, MSU gets another one, and puts it in. 43-30, MSU as CBS showcases the 9.9 rebounding margin lead that MSU has had for the year. They LOVE to rebound!

17:30 - Morgan's on the sideline, stretching his knee out, which would be big news if Robert Morris hasn't scored a field goal in the last 8 minutes.

15:35 - Alley oop puts the finishing touches on a 21-point run by the Spartans of East Lansing, giving them a 51-30 lead. Let's go ahead and mark this one as "over". At least point, I'd recommend changing over to another live blog for a more exciting game. Maybe Florida State-Wisconsin. Or Ohio State-Siena. Pretty much anything but this.

15:22 - And Robert Morris is on the second-half board with a pair of free throws. 51-32, MSU.

14:25 - Time to run some clock off, boys. That "Battlestar Galactica" series finale isn't going to watch itself.

12:34 - Goran Suton, who's had a monster of a game on the boards tonight, knocks a rebound to a teammate who dribble-drives for the deuce. 58-39, MSU.

Commercial Break - Honestly, go watch another game. I'll get over it. Think about yourselves.

Commercial Break - Don't these Coke Zero people realize that they're owned by the same people as Coke? Seems like they shouldn't want the main product to do poorly, especially in these hard economic times.

10:31 - Suton hits the jumper, to go along with 17 rebounds, as MSU takes a 64-41 lead. And this is now what I think about this game, [Via Eye on Springfield]:

9:23 - Suton hits another jumper, giving him 11 points so far. He's easily the MVP of the game, if that matters.

8:31 - Marquis Gray pulls a bone-headed move by fouling a RoMo player on the shot, giving them a 3-point opportunity. The free throw cuts the lead to 66-49, MSU, and gives Izzo a much-needed "coachable moment" with the youngster.

Commercial Break - I'm not afraid to say it: The Beer Guy Falling Down The Aisle is easily the weakest of the Southwest "Want to Get Away?" commercials.

5:29 - Morgan throws down another dunk, giving MSU a 71-50 lead. Zzzzzzzz ....

4:10 - If my updates have been more and more sporadic, you'll have to excuse me. The Ohio State-Siena game just got pretty interesting.

3:38 - And Tom Izzo clears his bench, which means the white folks are coming in! His team is ahead 73-52. This win sets up a very intriguing battle Sunday between these East Lansingettes and the Trojans of Southern California. Everyone immediately got on the USC bandwagon after their dominant win earlier tonight, but if the MSU team plays like this, they'll be sleep-walking into the Sweet 16.

3:00 - Hey, that Wisconsin-Florida State is getting kind of interesting as well. Go watch that one!

2:15 - MSU takes a 75-55 lead. And if I hear another whistle, I'm going to egg some ref's house.

1:03 - And with the score 75-62, Tom Izzo calls a timeout. Jerk. You better believe I'm not writing another post until the end of this monstrosity.

Final - And the game, mercifully, comes to an end. After a good first 15 minutes, Michigan State started taking Robert Morris seriously, making this a blow-out really quick. If you had to point to one big factor as to why MSU ended up winning, it's that they were much, much, much, much, much, much, much better than Robert Morris. 77-62 is your final. Keep it safe, boys and girls.

2) Midwest is the best When Michigan State won its last title in 2000, they won the Midwest Regional Final in Detroit (Auburn Hills, if want to get technical about it) and then won the Final Four in Indianapolis. This year, the Midwest Regional is in Indianapolis (the same place they won their regional in 1979) and the Final Four is in ... Detroit. Did someone open a window because I just got a chill down my spine!!

3) These are not coincidences, people Michigan State has never played Robert Morris and the schools had no common opponents this season. However, Robert Morris almost sounds like Raymar Morgan (just go with it) who is second on the Spartans in both points and rebounds. State is 19-2 when Morgan plays more than 20 minutes, but a bout of mononucleosis kept that from happening for almost a month this season. The leading scorer and rebounder for the Colonials is Jeremy Chappell. The sixth-leading scorer on the 2000 championship team was ... Duke transfer Mike Chappell! Somebody hold me, because this is getting scary!!! — Dashiell

ROBERT MORRIS COLONIALS

1) Who Is Robert Morris? The original Robert Morris was one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. Robert Morris was also one of the main financiers of the American Revolution, supplying cash, ships, and various other essentials to Washington's army. As far as the educational institution goes, Robert Morris University is located in Moon Township, Pennsylvania, just outside of Pittsburgh. There's an NAIA school called Robert Morris College in Illinois, but there's no connection between the two other than their shared namesake. The nickname for the Robert Morris that's going dancing is the Colonials, and they evolved from a simple dome logo to an oversize version of the Sam Adams logo.

2) What It Took To Get Here. Mike Rice, Jr. took over the head coaching job last year from Mark Schmidt, who left for St. Bonaventure. The son of current Portland Trail Blazers broadcaster and former Duquesne/Youngstown State head coach Mike Rice, Sr., the younger Rice has led the Colonials to 50 wins in just two seasons. The 26-win season (highlighted by an upset win over Boston College and Tony Lee's back-to-back triple doubles) last year was mired by a loss to eventual Northeast Conference champion Mount St. Mary's in the conference tournament semifinal and ended with a near upset of Syracuse in the NIT. Minus two 1,000 point scorers in AJ Jackson and Tony Lee, the Colonials were picked to finish third in the NEC this year. They struggled through the first half of the year before going 9-0 in January and 17-3 in 2009. The final? A rematch versus Mount St. Mary's (also, by the way, their hated rival; think of it like a mini version of Pitt and WVU), that was a 48-46 defensive slugfest capped by Dallas Green's bizarro world game winning shot.

3) The Chappell Show: Dallas Green will be the one immortalized in every March Madness highlight clip because of his winning shot, but Jeremy Chappell is driving force behind the goodship Colonial. A four year starter, Chappell was lightly recruited out of Cincinnati but made himself into the NEC Rookie of the Year as a freshman under Mark Schmidt. Tony Lee earned himself national recognition with his back-to-back triple doubles last year, but Chappell is more athletic and will likely go down as the best player in Robert Morris history. In fact, he is the only player in Northeast Conference history with 1,500 points, 500 rebounds, 250 assists, 250 steals, and 200 three-pointers. Yes, fans chant "Chappell Show" after significant plays. No, he looks nothing like Crazy Dave. Yes, the Colonials now have two "television" shows in their starting lineup: The Chappell Show and Rob "Swiss Family" Robinson. Yeah...the last one needs work. But if the Colonials were to shock the world and upset Michigan State, Robinson and Chappell would be the ones to do it. — Andrew Chiappazzi (Colonial's Corner)

Join the Deadspin Pants Party Group Pool [ESPN]
Download the Deadspin Bracket [PDF or JPG]

Freshman Andrew Conboy (who took Kampfer down from behind) and sophomore Corey Tropp (who slashed him with his stick after he was down) were suspended for the rest of the season and Conboy immediately dropped out of school. Tropp is reportedly considering it, because he will need permission to rejoin the team next year and it's possible he won't get it. That's surprisingly tough and fair.

But that doesn't mean we're done answering The Big Questions. For example, there's still the matter of Kampfer's father, who stormed down to the visitor's locker room after the game, threatening to beat up any Spartans who got in his way. Not exactly a mature response, but then again, maybe they shouldn't have stopped him. And maybe this criminal violence says something larger about the game of hockey and fans who crave it. Oh, and what about those nasty Wolverine students who chanted obscenities in front of the children. Real classy, Michigan! You couldn't have at least waited until the player's backs were turned before verbally assaulting them? Sheesh.

An inside look at ugly incident on and off the ice [Detroit Free Press]
Conboy leaves MSU, Tropp's future still not certain [The State News]
As Michigan State players withdraw from team, DPS looks into on-ice incident at Yost [Michigan Daily]

You may remember Kampfer as the unfortunate hockey player who got his skull cracked open by a member of the Wolverine football team. Kampfer recovered from his injuries and made it back to the ice this season—until Saturday night when two Michigan State hockey players worked the ol' No. 6 on him:

In the final minute, Michigan State freshman forward Andrew Conboy came up behind Kampfer, grabbed him by the neck and slammed him to the ice. With Kampfer defenseless on the ice, Michigan State sophomore forward Corey Tropp — who had been knocked down by a clean open-ice hit moments earlier by Kampfer — slashed him in the neck area with his stick. Tropp received a double disqualification, and Conboy received two roughing penalties.

Michigan State hockey is a embarrassing joke this season. Just two seasons removed from a national championship, they are currently in last place in their conference. They have never had a losing record or finished lower than sixth since joining the CCHA in the early '80s, but that's all but assured this year. Worst of all, they were swept by arch rival Michigan this season, losing three of those games by four or more goals. Disfiguring a helpless opponent would certainly release some of that frustration, but I'm not sure if it really helps the program.

Mike Milano was kicked off the U-M football team for what he did to Kampfer, and nobody should cry foul if the same happened to Tropp or Conboy. (Coach Rick Comley said he would "deal with" his players.) With MSU football seemingly revived and the hoops team on its best roll in years, the least the Spartan hockey goons could have done was kept their putridness under the radar and not killed anybody. Good thing no one cares about hockey, right? (Grumble, Grumble....)

Kampfer speaks out after slashing incident [Detroit Free Press]
What We Learned: Don’t trust the Spartans, passerby [Two Line Pass]
[Photo via The State News]

Even more impressive is their tendency to constantly find themselves in handcuffs. We all know about Captain Sweatpants, and you probably heard about Charles Rogers' latest misadventure. He was released from jail this week—after violating his probation for a domestic dispute—and ordered into a drug and alcohol treatment program. Well, former New York Giant Mark Ingram was not about to let those two goons steal all the Spartan alumni headlines. He was supposed to be in Kentucky last Friday to begin serving a 92-month sentence for money laundering, but I guess Ingram thought to himself, 'what if I just didn't show up?'

Hurley issued an arrest warrant for Ingram on Monday, after federal prosecutor Richard Donoghue told the judge Ingram had not appeared at the federal prison in Ashland, Ky., to begin his sentence, according to court papers.

Ingram's attorney, Raymond Colon, could not be reached for comment. Donoghue, who said in court after Ingram missed a sentencing date that the ex-football player apparently believed court dates were "optional," declined to comment yesterday.

Oh, so that's what happens. Go State! By the way, I like that the AOL slideshow on "Sports Figures in Trouble With the Law" has 96 pictures! I don't think the football team has that many scholarships to give out.

Mark Ingram, Who Used to Run Routes for the Giants, Is Now Running From the Police [Fanhouse]
CENTRAL ISLIP: Arrest warrant issued for ex-Giant Ingram [Newsday]
Ex-Lion, MSU star Rogers sentenced to treatment [Free Press]

*Okay, I'll always have a soft spot for Jim Miller.