Not that Ditka wouldn't be a good choice to end corruption in the state; just look at the way he courageously spoke the truth about America's clogged sewer systems. But if chosen, would he run?

No word from the tough-talking Ditka about the governor's office. Though he campaigned for Republicans John McCain and Sarah Palin in the presidential election, Da Coach balked at the opportunity to run against Barack Obama in the 2004 Senate race because he didn't want to go through the rigors of a campaign or abandon his lucrative businesses.

Although many say that the reason Ditka didn't run was that he would have been beaten soundly, and he didn't want any part of that. At any rate, I've seen Ditka play golf, and he just loves it; he's out on the course with a big cigar and a bigger grin, just loving life. No way would he give that up for politics.

Although the two aren't mutually exclusive, I guess.

Ditka For Governor [DaGovernor.com]
Da Coach Mike Ditka For Illinois Governor? [Chicago Tribune]
How About Mike Ditka To Replace Rod Blagojevich As Next Illinois Governor? [The Critical Fanatic]

I've never been to a celebrity roast for anyone but I like to think this happens every time. Paul Hornung takes the stage and welcomes the roastee to the rostrum, roastee is wasted, knocks over his own table when standing, and then crumbles to the ground when shoved by Hornung. See Mr. Bear's finest moment after the jump.

Supposedly this video is from March 2001 but it's never reached blogdome until now. Why not? Because each and every one of you has failed us. Remember when Ditka almost ran against Barack Obama for Senate? How close did this come to being the Congressional cloakroom every Friday?

The Bears still suck [Deuce of Davenport]

Don't get us wrong: Ditka is the most famous guy on the retired players' side, and Congress does like to have celebrities hanging around. But this is also a guy who hasn't always shown the most acute mental abilities — which, to be fair, could come from being pummeled across the head so often — and is most famous these days for doing boner ads. He's not the type of guy who's gonna be able to dig the deepest down in the story.

That said: With John Kerry on the panel, he's lucky he wasn't tasered.

"It seems to be that the league itself has dropped the ball here, no pun intended," said Senator John Kerry, Democrat of Massachusetts.

So to speak. Such a card, that Kerry.

Mike Ditka Is The Most Out Of Place Person On Capitol Hill Since Sammy Sosa [The Angry T]

Cough.

Yeah, you heard us right; Mike Ditka has his own wine label. After a long night of medicated lovemaking, there is nothing that former Bears' coach enjoys more than a nice glass of vino. Or hell, the entire bottle. So why not make his own? Let's all run down down to the ... um, where's it available again?

"One word: powerful . . . with a nice, pleasant pepper finish," said Bill Hanson, Midwest region vice president for Costco, which will carry the wines.

Just the thing to go with our Buddy Ryan Fondue Set.

Nothing Says Wine Like ... Ditka? [Chicago Sun-Times]

Well, it kind of figures: Any sport that employs terms such as ice screw, hand jammies, micro nuts, crampons and bouldering has to be fun. Scientists, however, disagree.

Unwanted sexual arousal usually is not a problem, says Dr. Peter Hackett, a founding member of the Wilderness Medical Society. "There has to be sexual stimulation, which is usually not available on a mountain-climbing expedition. You are just struggling to survive."

Even so, if your ascent lasts more than six hours, please consult a physician.

Viagra Used To Prevent Pulmonary Edema At High Altitudes [Chicago Tribune]

Just to get you adequately prepared for a season of the NFL being back on NBC (and all that comes with it, up to and including Bob Costas), here's an old clip from Super Bowl XXVII in which Costas introduces a "Computer Bowl" matchup between analyst Mike Ditka and non other than O.J. Simpson. This was January 1993, so O.J. actually had another year of cheesy television appearances left before, well, you know, before.

I can't think of a better way to celebrate that Super Bowl anniversary. It's really incredible the way coach [Mike] Hohensee turned this team around after adding Bobby Sippio.

Excuse us, but we were pretty sure we'd go our entire lifetime without hearing Mike Ditka gush about a player named Bobby Sippio. Other exciting Arena Bowl highlights:

• In a game in which the teams combined for 130 points, they named a "top defensive player." It was former State University of West Georgia defensive back Dennison Robinson.
• In a pregame ceremony at the Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas, the United States Army officially enlisted a group of local youngsters.
• The Predators earlier this season gave up 87 points in a loss to Dallas, which is more points than 15 NBA teams averaged this season.

Rush, D'Orazio Complete Title Match [Chicago Sun-Times]
Sublime Mingles With Ridiculous [Las Vegas Review-Journal]

But a little myth never bothered Mike Ditka. Via our friends at Mr. Irrelevant, we present Scott Towels' Halftime Flush, some sort of bizarre promotion encouraging people to, like, not clog their toilets or something. Ditka, as always, is more than eager to act like a buffoon for a paycheck, though, to his credit, at least this advertisement has nothing to do with erections. The NFL isn't in that game anymore and is keeping its corporate sponsors nice and high-class, comfortably ensconced in the world of poop removal.

Halftime Flush [Scott Towels] (Mr. Irrelevant)