Deadspin: mike tice

Saying Goodbye To Tice (And Others)

Leitch — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 09:37:23 EST

The grand tradition of the day after the NFL season came through in full force this year: Six NFL coaches were relieved from their duties on "Black Monday." One of them, Dick Vermeil — who is about to be played by Greg Kinnear in a new movie — retired, but everyone else went down like a sack of some sort of tuber.

A rundown of the firings, as reported by each team's top blog:
• Mike Tice. "It was a dazzling action from a proprietor who is unswerving in his endeavor to institute a superlative program that will return the Vikings organization to the top of the pile." [Viking Underground]
• Dom Capers. "Seemed like a long time coming." [Houston Pro Football]
• Jim Haslett. "And the crowd goes wild ........." [Black And Gold.net]
• Mike Martz. "Glad it was quick ...." [Rams Football]
• Mike Sherman. "Sherman Cheese-Whizzed..." [Packer Palace]

Of all the firings, we have to say that Mike Tice going away was the one that made us the most sad. Will Dauber find another opportunity? Or will he just go back to his cave and gnaw on the bones of snaggle-tooth tigers. Stay tuned, America!

Black Monday [NFL.com]

You're Doing A Heckuva Job, Ticey

Leitch — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 13:30:27 EST

Imagine, if you will, Ron Artest blasting fans for getting in fights, or Damon Stoudamire organizing a protest against High Times, or Fred Smoot screaming at those who would use contraptions to "please" two women who happened to be lying prostrate on the deck of a boat. Hypothetically speaking.

Vikings coach Mike Tice, continuing his pitch-perfect sense of proper public relations, told the Minneapolis Star-Tribune that there were too many Steelers fans at the Metrodome last weekend and that fans who scalped their tickets "not really diehard season-ticket holders."

We probably don't need to remind you that Tice was nailed by the NFL in March for scalping Super Bowl tickets. Then again, as Vikings fans can tell you, no one would really confuse Tice with a "die-hard" football fan either.

I Guess They Learned From An Expert [SportsQuotes]

NFL Roundup: Bengal Breakthrough

Leitch — Mon, 05 Dec 2005 08:45:32 EST

• As Arizona Cardinals fans, we always wonder what the day will be like when, after years of torture, our team finally breaks through and shows they're serious about this whole winning business. It must have been that exciting for Bengals fans yesterday. Realize: A baby born the last time the Bengals made the playoffs probably had sex over the weekend.
• Ah, but only if Chad Johnson could have scored. Probably for the best, though; he should save the truly great material for the playoffs anyway.
• Honestly, the Vikings are going to make the playoffs. This is a truly astounding development. We mean, we're surprised Mike Tice is still alive at this point, let along leading a team into the playoffs. And we don't mean we're surprised Tice still has a job; we mean we're surprised he's alive.
• Hey, these games are starting to count for playoff stuffs; Cincinnati not only went up on Pittsburgh, but they're now tied with Denver. That would be a goofy development.
• Speaking of the Steelers, we were sent this over the weekend. Enjoy.
• Don't know if anyone was watching the 11:00 p.m. SportsCenter last night, but they went to Chris Berman's Top 10. No. 10 was Cincy and Pittsburgh, and Berman starts, "Da da da da da, here's Carson! To TJ Houshmanzada ... (brief silence)... Four turnovers on the day ... (silence) ... You know what, let me do it again, let me do it again, I, I..." Then the screen went black for three seconds, and then their pre-commercial tease thing came on. You mean, he's just doing schtick?
• Kurt Warner is making it extremely unlikely that the Buzzsaw's going to be able to draft his replacement next season. Thanks, jerk.
• We find Eli Manning more likable than Peyton. We're not sure why, we just do.

NFL Roundup: Down Goes Tice!

Leitch — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 09:22:21 EST

• What's funnier than Mike Tice being rolled over and knocked down on the sideline? Nothing, that's what. By the way, we find Tice's dopey sideline celebrations undignified, and Tom Coughlin's constant gyrations of fury incredibly amusing.
• Samkon Gado, baby, Samkano Gado. Two touchdowns, one great MySpace profile and our hearts: He's got 'em all.
• The Bears have one of the top five records in football, and Kyle Orton is like Roethlisburger lite. Crazy. Making a strong case for how to spend your bye week, that's for sure.
• We had the best time watching that Redskins-Buccaneers game yesterday, but — and we've never been there in person — doesn't that stadium just look ridiculous? Not just the ship, but the whole fake storefront on Universal backlot feel of the place? Or is that just TV?
• We grew up very much respecting and admiring the Rev. Jesse Jackson. We think it would be wise for him to be more careful in his public company these days, however.
• Not to say the Buzzsaw season hasn't quite turned out the way we expected, but Joey Harrington threw three touchdowns against them yesterday. Yep.

NFL Roundup: Portis' Head

Leitch — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 10:15:19 EDT

• Contrary to popular belief, Redskins running back Clinton Portis was not doing an impersonation of Yankees center fielder Bernie Williams chasing a fly ball while doing that cartwheel in the end zone yesterday. Good guess, though.
• We're not saying that Cincinnati was getting a little too excited about this week's game with Pittsburgh, but sheesh, they were already making a team song (with Bootsy Collins!). So yeah. Maybe a little jumping the gun there.
• Just asking: You think maybe Kenny Chesney is wondering if he "backed" the wrong Manning?
• The Eagles might have had their breakthrough moment yesterday. It would not surprise us at all to see them reel off, like, seven straight wins right now. Still, Terrell Owens' touchdown celebration didn't really make sense to us. Maybe we should Ask Jeeves?
• Kyle Orton, baby. The guy's the frontrunner for Rookie of the Year, a first-place quarterback and a world-class Jack Daniels man. How do you not love that?
• Honestly, it's no fun when the Vikings win anymore. We want chaos and madness and fights and self-destructions. We find it difficult to get behind a Mike-Tice-rises-from-the-ashes storyline.
• Hey, the Buzzsaw won! Sweet.

Vikings In Desperate Need Of Dramamine

Leitch — Mon, 17 Oct 2005 11:30:54 EDT

All kinds of developments from the Vikings orgy boat story over the weekend. The highlights:

• Bad Jocks is all over this story. Their interesting wrinkle: The Vikings players involved could have broken the federal statute "The Mann Act," which became law in 1910 to "punish those accused of taking women across state lines for the purpose of prostitution." Their complete archive of info on the case is right here. BadJocks was born for this story.
• According to the Pioneer-Press' "Whispers" page — because everyone whispers in Minnesota — the price for players to get on the sex boat was $5,000.
• Players on the boat included Daunte Culpepper, Bryant McKinnie, Fred Smoot (of course) and a very engaged Mewelde Moore, who pleaded, "Sex? What are you talking about? That's crazy. Look, I'm engaged. So none of that. That will put me in trouble." So you know.
• Oh, the Vikings got their ass handed to them by the Bears yesterday. In case anyone was still paying attention.

Vikings Sex Boat Orgy Scandal [Bad Jocks]
"Whispers" [Pioneer Press]

Dead. Man. Walking.

Leitch — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 15:59:24 EDT

We're watching Vikings coach Mike Tice on ESPN News right now, and it's making us sad. He started his press conference swaying back and forth, like a kid in desperate need of Ritalin, and in the next sentence, he compared his players to sailors vomiting off the side of a ship and called himself a "good captain." He's turning some strange shade of green. He looks like a guy who is wondering why he didn't just become a ticket scalper rather than an NFL coach. Poor fellow.

By the way, on a whim, we checked out MikeTice.com. It's a fan site, with the following statement:

This site was developed by a Vikings fan who believes Coach Tice will be the first coach to take the Minnesota Vikings to a Super Bowl and win. All of you non believers that jump on the bandwagon when it's convenient, remember you heard it here first. This guy has brought a much needed ingredient to the Super Bowl equation.......DISCIPLINE!!!

Yeah, let us know how that works out for you.

Mike Tice Must Be Fired [Purple Pride]
Welcome To MikeTice.com [MikeTice.com]