miles-mikolas - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The NL Central is looking like it's Chicago and then everyone elsePicking up our tour through the winter plans for all MLB teams, and today we land in the NL Central, where the only monster within might actually be starting to act like it. ...

2023 MLB NL earned run average leadersThis article is based on data from Sportradar. Text was compiled by an AI engine that was then reviewed and edited by the editorial staff....

St. Louis Cardinals broadcaster Chip Caray is a big dumb wankerThe St. Louis Cardinals may suck ass, but they’re also petulant pissbabies too, clinging to their binky of outdated and archaic baseball theory that they can’t even apply correctly:...

Don’t worry folks, the St. Louis Cardinals still suck

We’ll get the “motherfuck” possibilities out of the way at the top, and perhaps immediately speaking to them will hold them off for a little while longer. But they will happen. 1. The NL Central is complete clown-shoes, and no matter how bad the St. Louis Cardinals play they’ll never be out of it. 2...

Sunday was yet another banner day for ESPN being morons

Perhaps ESPN spent Sunday tripping over its own dick simply to distract from all the people they’re firing. After all, make yourself look like a truly stupid and balloon-handed organization and the masses might feel that those you’ve let go are actually better off (believe me I know). That would be ...

Stop asking Yadier Molina to walk through that door

The St. Louis Cardinals have had a barely held-together beater vibe to them for a while. The only thing keeping the bumper attached is duct tape, two of the four-door handles work/are still attached, the windows are immovable, the muffler rusted off in a dorm parking lot years ago, and of course, th...

It’s never too early to laugh at the last-place Cardinals

Frustratingly, it doesn’t happen all that often, so when it does you kind of have to eschew the normal protocols of being guarded due to sample-size, and randomness in baseball. When the St. Louis Cardinals are in last place, you simply shoot that fucker right into the vein and kiss the sky. In our ...

Team USA loses exhibition to 3-9 San Francisco Giants

Mike Trout, Mookie Betts, Trea Turner, Nolan Arenado, Pete Alonso, Paul Goldschmidt, Kyle Schwarber. With a roster like that, you’d expect Team USA Baseball to dominate every game they play. They’re totally going to destroy Great Britain this Saturday in their first game of the World Baseball Classi...