A child is born with no state of mind. Innocent to the ways of the world. What sort of world will you be presenting to your child when they open their eyes for the first time? Will it be a world of almond milk? It does appear so. Quite.
The Indianapolis 500 doesn’t greet winners with a big bottle of champagne as most races do. They hand the winner an ice cold bottle of milk. This creates a curious artifact every year: a list of driver’s milk preferences. Who wants the whole experience? Who’d rather water it down? Behold! Here’s this year’s list.
Some very stupid lawmakers in West Virginia are sick, presumably with the shits. They lifted the state’s ban on raw, unpasteurized milk a few weeks ago, then drank some raw, unpasteurized milk to celebrate, and, well, they are feeling bad lately. This seems an opportune moment to point out that actually,…
Just a few weeks ago, West Virginians passed a law overriding the cruel, barbaric raw milk prohibition that’s plagued the state for years. To mark the occasion, these same dairy-loving lawmakers downed what else but a tall glass of milk—raw and dirty just like god intended. In totally unrelated news, a bunch of West…
Do you keep your butter in the refrigerator? You do? Stop it. Stop it right this second. You’re ruining your butter experience and making your toast taste like failure. Let me tell you why.
Yesterday, Tom Philpott decided to try his hand at food trolling (we invented that, you amateur) by declaring that almond milk is an inferior milk substitute beloved only by "ignorant hipsters." Sadly, some of our own colleagues have been suckered into agreement. All of you are wrong. Almond milk is good.
We're gonna assume this is some kind of viral marketing by dairy farmers, but after watching this I think I'm switching to Silk for good.
The Indy 500 will begin shortly, so here's a list of drivers and their celebratory milk preferences.
Remember when the Patriots ditched a nice little middle school event to, I dunno, go shoot up drugs or something? It wasn't their fault, says this New England Dairy Council press release, which was probably drafted at Belichick gunpoint.