Prince Fielder is a large baseball man who hit himself a large donger in the fourth inning of this afternoon’s Rangers win. Fielder sent the ball arching past the right field pole and, somehow, directly into this fan’s phone.
If the headline writers at the Harvard Business Review are hip to the concept of trolling, I’d think that was exactly what they were doing with a recent piece on “generational issues” that claims, “The Problem with Millennials? They’re Way Too Hard on Themselves.”
The only things I have done tonight are masturbate and scroll through Cardi B’s Instagram until my wrist hurt. I am wearing a promotional Sopranos T-shirt that reads, “I WANNA MADE MAN” [sic], but what I really want is to have a drink.
Let me preempt you here: You’re right, I probably haven’t read everything written about millennials. Whatever fibers (tendons? nerves?) are strained by eye-rolling wouldn’t be able to handle all that, in my case. And, in fact, I invite you to propose other contenders for this title. But what I’ve got here is worse…