Watch the video below. Everyone agrees it's funny. But then everyone hastens to add that such a thing is just not done in baseball. The Los Angeles Times asked Torii Hunter what he thought of the celebration. He rolled his eyes:

"I guess it's a different game," he said. "It's all TV, acting, until someone gets hit with a pitch in the chin. I'm old school. I could never do that."

[...]

"If I was a pitcher, I'd be [ticked] off," he said. "My mouth would be wide open. I'd be shocked. Baseball is not like the NFL, where you can celebrate in the end zone. You've got to keep your cool, play the game. You can't do that."

That being said, Hunter did give Fielder and the Brewers points for style.

"I did laugh. I did think it was funny. It was very creative," Hunter said. "But it's a little strong for baseball, because you could have a 90-mph fastball coming at you the next day. You've got to have toughness and heart to do that. It's not for me. If someone did that against us and we played them again, trust me, he'd get crushed, and we'd try to fight him."

And here's Andrew Baggarly of the San Jose Mercury News:

Look, I'm not against players having fun on the field. It's a game and fans buy tickets to be entertained. Every time a college football player gets flagged for the tiniest bit of exuberance, I shake my head. Let the kid enjoy the moment a little bit, huh?

But if you have any knowledge or appreciation for the culture of baseball, you know Fielder's stunt was over the top. It was disrespectful. And if he's going to pull stuff like that, he's got absolutely no right to take umbrage the next time a pitcher gets revenge with a fastball to the ribs.

Oh, bother. Baseball has survived all manner of exuberant silliness over the years, from Rube Waddell through Jim Bouton and Dock Ellis and Rickey Henderson to Manny Ramirez today, at least on those blessed occasions when Manny decides to beam in from the Gamma Quadrant. They're all part of baseball's culture, too. And, now, so is the Brewers' silly little bit of choreography. No one's disrespecting anything, except the absurd notion that a baseball game should look like an Elks Lodge meeting.

Negative reaction pouring in to Prince Fielder's home run celebration [San Jose Mercury News]
Angels not impressed with Prince Fielder's walk-off celebration [Los Angeles Times]
Fielder's finish irked Giants [Rob Neyer]

Mota was ejected last night after plunking Fielder with one out left in the ninth inning of a 17-4 Dodger blowout. Fielder didn't take kindly to this provocation and was quite vocal about it on the field. However, he felt that he did not completely and accurately make his feelings known, so after the game was over, Prince attempted to storm the Dodger clubhouse. He got the door partially open before security and some of his teammates eventually corralled him and sent him back to his corner.

This is why we need more security cameras in baseball stadiums. Not to prevent crime, but so we can laugh at baseball players when they try to turn postgames into a scene from The Warriors. [UPDATE: And now there's video.] (LAist's detailed diagram is nice, but doesn't quite bring the scene to life.) The teams have one more game left in their season series, but the odds of Mota facing Fielder one more time are remote. So why don't they settle this like men? With a pie eating contest. (Obviously, Fielder's handicap will be enforced.)

Prince Fielder's Trek [LAist]
Milwaukee Brewers vs. Los Angeles Dodgers - Recap - August 04, 2009 [ESPN]

Err Bud: Miller Park is the pleasant brick timeshare for Cubs fans built along the Menomonee River, whose mighty waters, for many years, swept the fecal matter of baseball fans into the currents of Lake Michigan. Cynics might find something of a metaphor in this for the career of Bud Selig, once a mere local nuisance whose presence has spread foully into the wider world. Miller Park is Bud's kind of place, a tribute to the onetime used-car dealer's distinctive brand of hucksterism. At first, Selig promised a new stadium financed entirely by the Brewers. Then, Selig proposed a contribution of $105 million toward a $140 million stadium. That became a $90 million contribution toward a $250 million stadium, of which $50 million would come in the form of loan from some vaguely crooked public-private alliance.

It is now Milwaukee's $400 million lemon, the "ultimate stadium wheel-and-deal," it's been written, and "one of the biggest public bailouts in urban planning history." It cost the public $310 million. It cost George Petak his seat in the state legislature, and deservedly so. It cost the mascot his enormous vat of beer. And above all, on a windy day in 1999, during the installation of a $50 million retractable roof that probably isn't necessary more than four weeks out of the season, it cost three men their lives. Last September, Bud Selig sat in his home in Bayside, watching on television as the Brewers celebrated their first playoff berth in more than a quarter-century. Mostly, he thought about two things — the ballpark he built on the backs of taxpayers, and the introduction of the wild card — and apparently Bud Selig began to feel very good about himself and all that he had accomplished. "Before he knew it," reported the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's Tom Haudricourt, "the commissioner of baseball had tears in his eyes."

Turd.

The view from the stands (everything sic'd): "As a Chicagoan, every time I take the two-hour hike up to Miller Park, I marvel at the human skeleton's ability to support unconscionable levels of obesity. The park itself is wonderful. But when your clientele averages a size 52 pants, you better build a stadium with a colossal supply of fatty food options, wide seats, and parking no more than 60 feet from the stadium. Nothing captures the essence of Wisconsin like Miller Park's star, intra-game attraction: In the middle of the sixth inning, tens of thousands of Wisconsinites rise up to cheer as 5 encased meats race around the infield. You get the sense that this is someplace special - someplace great - a place where heart disease and hypertension aren't just societal health risks... but ways of life. Other than that, the park is great... until you think about how many people died trying to build it." (Jim T.)

"I seriously hate Miller Park and Brewers fans. God created the Earth in six days. He created Brewers fans in 2001. The club used to draw around an average of 20,000 (sometimes less) in the 1990s, and all the sudden they have great support. Fuck all of them. I'm the fan of a NL Central team (not the Cubs or Cardinals) that unfortunately spent two years living in Wisconsin and I was never treated worse at a baseball game than I was in the 12 games I attended at Miller Park. Most fans at Miller Park at any given night didn't give a shit about the team before 2001, and most of them know as much about baseball as Prince Fielder's smelly jock strap. Many Brewers fans are so loyal that once Milwaukee is eliminated from playoff contention, they feel no remorse about wearing Cubs hats and cheering for the Northsiders. Don't judge them harshly, though. They were Cubs fans 10 years ago." (Matthew H.)

"As a Cubs fan, my friends and I frequently travel to 'Wrigley North' to catch games. This year, we went to the April 12 Sunday Night Baseball game. My friend secured good seats, second row just about on the left field foul pole. There were four of us, seats 5-8. We show up a late, just before game time (we caught the end of the Masters before heading in). Anyway, we go down to our seats, and there is a family sitting in seats 1-4. Dad, mom, daughter (maybe 19) and son (16 or so). The problem is, being Wisconsin mouth-breathers, they are fat as fuck. Honestly, the daughter, who was supposed to be in seat 4, was spilling into the area of the bench marked 6. Each of them looked like the spawn of Dom Deluise and Rosie O'Donnell, but blonde. When my friends and I tried to cram in, the daughter had the nerve to yell AT US for trying to sit there, and told us there wasn't room. Clearly. Anyway, after shoehorning ourselves in, we proceeded to find out exactly why 'sconnies look the way they do. In the first six innings of the game (they left after 6!), the girl alone polished off the following: a bratwurst, a soft pretzel, a slice of pizza, fried cheese curds, and cheese fries. Oh, and about 4 miller lites. Welcome to Miller Park." (Brian)

"I am a lifelong resident of southeastern Wisconsin (and as such, have spent most of my life observing fat, hideous, drunk xenophobes), and I have seen more fat, hideous, drunk, xenophobic people in Miller Park than in the rest of the state combined. It's bad enough that most of the fans couldn't name more than five players that play for the team (unless, of course, 'Fuck the Cubs' is the name of a new utility infielder), but they don't even understand basic baseball stategy (e.g., booing a one-out bunt by the pitcher with runners at the corners). Oh, well. Fuck the Cubs anyway." (Timothy H.)

"The fans have a permanent inferiority complex regarding a certain NL team from Chicago. Why one would feel an inferior to the Cubs, I will never understand. However, this means that at any given game, no matter who is playing, even if it is the Minnesota Twins in interleague play, one is likely to hear 'Cubs Suck!' or 'Fuck the Cubs!' chanted during the game. When the Cubs do come in to play, Milwaukee fans bitch and moan that the stadium is filled with Cubs fans. Miller Park jacks up their prices for these games (hey, there's profit to be made here!), therefore pricing all of the comparatively lower-class Milwaukee fans out of a seat. The sad thing is that the prices are still a deal compared to Wrigley, so Cubs fans come in droves, thus causing Milwaukee fans to bitch even more. Thus. the stadium and its fans are stuck in a positive-feedback cycle of stupidity. Being a newer stadium, Miller Park is filled with all kinds of fun family-friendly destinations, guaranteed to bring out people who know jack shit about baseball to the stadium. Thus, instead of watching their mediocre team blow another game in the ninth, or fall apart in the second half of the season, the fans will be eating at a restaurant (T.G.I. FRIDAYS!) or playing in a kids' area. Even worse, every single game, guaranteed, you will see the entire stadium doing the wave. They will do your conventional wave, then perhaps a backward wave, then a forward wave, but really quickly, followed by a very slowly propagating wave." (Ryland S.)

"A group of monkeys compiled the rules for when the roof and outfield panels close. Apparently the roof is not allowed to open until the calendar hits June, there is no percentage chance of rain, there's a full moon, or there's a nearby crane ready to tip. But the biggest problem is that the fans have become overbearing, overexcitable morons that become angry, overbearing, overexcitable morons when the Cubs, Twins or Cardinals pay a visit. There was a time when going to Miller Park was a nice, quiet, relaxing time at the ballyard. But you had to watch shitty baseball. Now the place overflows with fat drunken slobs who cheer wildly for the giant phallic symbols to make their appearance in the middle of the 6th inning, and now you're watching frustrating baseball." (Corey Gloor)

"I'm sitting in the left field bleachers with a couple buddies and (surprise) the Brewers are getting killed. It's like the 3rd inning, when all of a sudden the people right in front of us finally find their seats. Which I have to give them credit for, because they were WASTED. It was a couple, some douche with fake Oakleys and hat sideways like he's all gangsta but is actually a huge pussy and some whore wearing a JJ Hardy t-shirt. (It's easy to spot the slutty girls at Miller Park. Just look for the 7's. ) First thing they do is order grab a round and then they drink some more. They were actually cut off by the beer guy, which I have never seen before. When they weren't drinking or peeing, they were straight up making babies on each other. They weren't even watching the game at all. The huge grope fest eventually catches the attention of the whole section, but mostly my friends and I, who had the misfortune of being 6 inches from this fat girl getting felt up her jean skirt. We started laughing at them after a while and they evenutally realized it and the dude turns around and cleverly says 'fags.' So it's like the 7th inning and they're going at it, when out of God's good graces they stop for a moment. Just like it was out of a movie, the girl just pukes EVERYWHERE. I have never laughed harder in my entire life. The people sitting in front of them got sprayed. It was awful/wonderful. But the best part is instead of helping the poor girl out, this guy IMMEDIATELY just books it up the aisle and disappears. I guess they weren't such good friends after all. Anyway, she sits there for a minute and tries to play it off like nothing happened, but there's vomit everywhere so there's nothing doing. Everyone is just howling at this girl. Eventually she gets up and stumbles off to the whoratory or wherever she was going. Then we grabbed their bobbleheads and left. (Eric G.)

Next up: The Chicago White Sox's U.S. Cellular Field. Got any horrible experiences to share? Send them to craggs@deadspin.com.

Fortunately for the young lass at this Milwaukee Brewers spring training game, an alert Prince Charming with a shining leather glove came to her rescue at the last possible moment. This unknown hero bravely threw himself between her and the ball, saving her face from certain destruction and earning a free souvenir in the process. Then they did it. Right there on the blanket. Awww yeah. (Ok, maybe I exaggerated a bit at the end there. Still, very chivalrous.)

Brewer Fan Saves Sunbathing Bikini Chick From Home Run Plunking [Busted Coverage]

The Yankees, of course, have him top on their list. According to the New York Daily News, the Steinbrenner clan will offer him in excess of the $137.5 million for six years that Johan Santana got from the Mets last winter. But now look over to Flushing Meadows and imagine Santana and Sabathia on the same staff.

A high-placed Yankee source Thursday reacted to the development by saying: "The Mets are in it? Great. Bring it on." Meanwhile, Omar Minaya was dicussing a trade for a pitcher with a GM but said he would first have to see how Sabathia's free agency was progressing, a baseball executive said. A Mets official subsequently wouldn't deny interest in Sabathia.

Begun, the Sabathia Wars have.

Of course the Yankees and Mets also want Derek Lowe, and the Yankees crave A.J. Burnett, who filed for free agency on Thursday. Oh, this will be fun.

Battle For CC Sabathia Turns Into Turf War Between Yankees And Mets [New York Daily News]

* * *

Top 9th

2 5

9:08 — A slight tease as Counsell worked a full count, but a lazy fly ball to center puts the series at two-naught. Enough of this silly game. Look for Live Blog 2 of 2 in about 20 minutes.

9:06 — Oh, this is absolutely going according to plan. Hart swings on the second pitch and flies out, putting Milwaukee's final hopes in the bendy arms of Craig Counsell.

9:05 — Hardy finishes his at-bat quickly.

9:05 — You know, if you pretend Joe Simpsons didn't say "Corey Hart on deck," and instead "Corey Hard-On deck," it's kind of funny! Oh, who am I kidding. Just finish the inning quickly.

Bottom 8th

2 5

9:02 — We're three outs away from freedom here, people.

8:58 — It appears I owe Jason Kendall somewhat of an apology. He's actually a good catcher now. Last year over 100 guys stole bases under his watch, but this year he's kept them much more honest, throwing out over 40 percent of the dudes. Jimmy Rollins is one of the 40 percenters.

8:54 — For formality's sake, we're going to finish the next two half-innings. Salomon Torres comes in to pitch.

Top 8th

2 5

8:50 — And you thought this was going to be interesting. Fielder yanks the first pitch from Romero and the splintered bat travels just as far as the ground ball which Utley — forgetting Fielder as the runner — quickly scoops with the glove and shovels to first to end the inning. I'm ready for Cubs-Dodgers when you are, folks.

8:47 — Braun knocks one into left, and there's a dude on second base with two outs. Brian Anderson calls the Brewers "resilient," which might be a bit of a reach. JC Romero will replace Madson to pitch to the Herbivore Formerly Known As Prince.

8:45 — Raymond Q. Durham grounds back to Madson, but the double play wasn't close to being close, because Durham, after 53 years of MLB service, hasn't lost too much speed down the first base line.

8:44 — Cameron v6.0 pops up in foul territory, caught by two colliding Phillies fielders, who now share one jersey.

8:43 — Rickie Weeks makes it to first after Jimmy Rollins treats the ground ball like Flubber™.

8:40 — Ryan Madson is now the pitcher, and he's called the "Bridge to Lidge." I thought we stopped wasting taxpayers' dollars on bridges that go nowhere interesting.

Bottom 7th

2 5

8:38 — Actually Gagné gets all three batters out. No wild pitches, no walks, and no HGH. Which means only one thing. Yovani Gallardo bought an Eric Gagné mask early for Halloween.

8:37 — Brett Myers is no more. He'll hand Wonderboy off to pinch hitter and noted immigration opponent Greg Dobbs.

8:34 — Hot damn. J.J. Hardy made a great play, almost implying that the Brewers haven't quit in this game. Almost.

8:32 — Eric Gagné's "I'm Not On Steroids" Farewell Tour continues with an appearance in this inning.

Seventh Inning Stretch Halftime Entertainment

Leave it to the Germans to not watch Ren & Stimpy.

Top 7th

2 5

8:27 — Jason Kendall's not much about starting a second scoring rally in an inning, so he'll just poke the ball somewhere in the infield and take his out accordingly. But, wow! A manufactured run! Wasn't that breathtaking?

8:27 — My ... my God! Milwaukee didn't screw that up at all! Counsell's ground ball turns the game into a three-run deficit.

8:25 — Hart's fly ball to right just barely gets Hardy to move up to third. Now how do they blow it? I'm going with a squeeze play that ends in a pop-up.

8:23 — Who taught them that? J.J. Hardy begins the inning with a double. I'm pondering the possibilities how Milwaukee could ruin this inning. I'm thinking hit-and-run lineout double play.

Bottom 6th

1 5

8:19 — Lo and behold, the Phillies pile in a few runners but don't score any more runs. I see no reason why we don't do this for three more innings. Hell, why mess with riveting baseball? (Translation: SOMEBODY FUCKING SCORE.)

8:17 — Six innings in and we finally got our first square of the night. And it's Grant Balfour's yelling at the batter after striking out Orlando Cabrera, which just might be my favorite moment of the playoffs so far. (Thanks for putting the best games during the day, MLB!)

8:12 — Shane Victorino honks a double to deep center. Careful, Phillies. You don't want to give the Brewers any ideas of what they might need to do to get back into this game. It's best to just go down quietly. Regardless, there's a dude on second and another one (Ryan Howard) on first who got the on-purpose walk.

Top 6th

8:07 — Seven pitches, and Myers has already gone back into the dugout to cook some meatloaf for displaced Hurricane Ike victims.

8:05 — Five-plus innings in, and Brett Myers has as many hits as the Brewers.

8:03 — This is most likely a Michigan-only occurrence, but I just saw an Obama ad followed by a McCain ad. Back to back. Ugh. You know what? Whichever political ad I view closest to Election Day, I will vote for them.

Bottom 5th

1 5

8:02 — Prince Fielder makes a nice little catch on a hard line drive. "That could make a huge difference." Yes, because it seems like Milwaukee's about to break out and score four runs at any minute, right?

7:59 — At this point, Brett Myers could trip over a homeless man and cure him of leprosy. After a couple of walks, Myers singles to load the bases.

7:53 — Seth McClung's now pitching. Boy, I'm glad he's got the hell out of Tampa Bay in order to have a chance to complete for a pennant!

Top 5th

7:51 — In conclusion, absolutely nothing else of note happened this inning.

7:47 — Get this ... apparently Tony Gwynn, Jr. sounds just like Tony Gwynn, Sr. Could they be related somehow?

Bottom 4th

1 5

7:41 — Stetter saves the day by — guess! — striking out Ryan Howard. Whee, they're only down four!

7:37 — One more walk ... and it's as if Sabathia just couldn't pitch on three days rest 86 jillion times in a row anymore. He can't escape the fourth inning, and Dale Sveum — who, to CC, looks like Brett Myers in a Brewers warmup jacket — takes the ball from him and sends in relief man Mitch Stetter.

7:33 — Shane Victorino won't get a grand slam this inning. Nuh-uh! Well, not only because the bases weren't full, but also because he just intentionally walks him.

7:31 — Everywhere CC looks, he sees Brett Myers. Brett Myers on first. Brett Myers on second. Brett Myers in his own dugout, sending signs. Brett Myers having sex with his wife, who also looks like Brett Myers.

7:30 — Rollins doubles down the left field line. The reason? You guessed it: Brett Myers.

7:27 — Myers flies out to right, but he still got a huge applause from the audience. This might rank second in history among Inexplicable Praise From Fans only to Dane Cook.

7:26 — There's just magic in the stratosphere when Myers is at the plate. He fouls off another pitch and a kid in the first row catches it with his hat.

7:25 — Remember Brett Myers's walk? Well, you won't be able not to when we mention it every other inning!

7:24 — Sabathia belly flops toward Ruiz's ground ball, then throws toward first and it somehow finds Prince Fielder's glove. One out.

7:23 — Is it sad that a fictitious office manager in a commercial knows how to send picture messages with a cell phone, which is more than I can say?

Top 4th

1 5

7:20 — Meanwhile, the Brewers got two outs quickly, then Corey Hart gets baseballed in the back of his back. Someone from the booth just said, "you gotta get three outs," which was nice, because I thought two outs and one man hit also counted. Counsell bends his arms forward 360 degrees and rolls over a pitch to create the third out.

7:18 — Phillies hitting coach Milt Thompson describing that second inning. It appears he's never actually spoken to anyone in the media before. "It was the greatest at bats of the year ... and JRoll walked ... and Victorino got that hit ..." If they wanted stuttering and hesitation to describe that inning, I was available to give a recounting of what happened.

7:17 — Ah, another Frank TV ad, this time lampooning the fact that they run so many Frank TV ads. In that case, now I like them!

7:15 — Frank Caliendo's impression of Donald Trump might be more spot-on if it was audio only.

Bottom 3rd

7:15 — No runs here. Pedro Feliz strikes out and Sabathia escapes the first trimester of the game with just over 70 pitches thrown.

7:14 — Feliz is living the American Dream. No, not playing postseason baseball. Hitting foul balls in the direction of the Phanatic, in hopes of injuring it.

7:11 — Now that CC has been getting batters out this inning, the analysts finally have case studies on why he's such a dominant pitcher. Until Jayson Werth hits ANOTHER double in almost the same spot on the field. If Feliz his another double down the left field line, Ruiz walks, and Brett Myers fouls off four more pitches, we might check to see of Sabathia's clock radio keeps playing "I Got You Babe."

Top 3rd

7:04 — Ryan Braun hits one much closer to home than his first at bat. Carlos Ruiz chases it down and it looks like Milwaukee might not have any fight left in them. And it's only the third inning! This seems promising.

7:03 — Brian Anderson on Brett Myers: "When he gives it up, he gives it up early." Yet another thing Brett Myers has in common with my ex-girlfriend.

7:02 — Ray Durham totally missed that.

7:00 — Cameron Carbon Copy #4063 pops straight up to second.

Stat That Looks Really Awesome And Telling If You Read More Into It Than What Is Actually There

EARNED RUNS GIVEN UP BY CC SABATHIA

Month of August: 6
Tonight: 5

Bottom 2nd

1 5

6:55 — Chase Utley can't follow that act, because there is no five-run home run. So instead he swings and misses, ending the inning.

6:53 — Shane Victorino makes Hawai'i proud (local time: 3:54 a.m. or something ridiculous) with a 2-out 2-strike grand slam, which is Sabathia's least favorite kind of Grand Slam. Let this be a lesson to you, young pitchers: never, ever, walk the opposing pitcher.

6:51 — Four straight balls zip by Jimmy Rollins. This is all punishment for Sabathia not straightening his goddamn hat in his entire career.

6:49 — Damn. Myers draws a nine-pitch walk. CC's up to 40 pitches through not-even-two innings.

6:47 — I've never seen a group of fans more pleased at Brett Myers fouling off Sabathia's pitches.

6:45 — Brett Myers is 4-of-58 for the season, "but one of his hits got him his only RBI," says announcer Brian Anderson, spoken as if it's unusual that base hits provide run production.

6:43 — The first one of you who says "You Gotta Feliz!" gets a fistful of smoke and groan. Pedro Feliz's double ties the game.

6:41 — Jayson Werth — neither of his names seem like they're spelled right — knocks a double to left-center. The ball never got behind Mike Cameron, so it was certainly a Bases Loaded-type extra base hit.

6:38 — David Aldridge reports on the shortage-of-African-American-players crisis in Major League Baseball, and how it's getting better. With a contrasting report, Jimmy Snyder reports that the situation is actually getting worse.

Top 2nd

6:34 — Rumor has it Craig Counsell got the inspiration for his batting stance from Rubberboy. But sadly he strikes out, and Kendall plus Sabathia go down quietly.

Bottom 1st

1 0

6:28 — Want to guess what Ryan Howard did? I'll give you hint. It was my trademark stat in Little League. End of inning.

6:26 — All Chase Utley really had to do was ground the ball, but he was having none of it. He instead ops to miss Sabathia's pitch entirely. Two out. Now it's time for Ryan Howard's at bat, and Milwaukee puts 12 fielders on the right hand side of the field.

6:24 — Victorino steals third. Naturally, Jason Kendall barely notices.

6:23 — Shane Victorino hits third base so hard with a line drive it left a mark. (His starting pitcher would be proud.) The ball trickles into foul territory, and Victorino gets himself two bases. In Rock 'n Jock baseball, that would probably be worth five runs.

6:21 — Proving baseball heavily involves luck, Jason Kendall is catching a postseason game.

6:21 — Too easy. CC Sabathia has "great mound presence."

Top 1st

1 0

6:17 — Escaping any more damage, Myers convinces Corey Hart to ground into a double play.

6:16 — J.J. Hardy walks in a run. It might be kind of enhance the action if they make the player walk to first, push the batter on first to second, and so on.

6:15 — Screen graphic: Brett Myers has allowed 31 runs in first innings. That'll teach him to steal Jeremy Bonderman's underwear.

6:13 — Ray Durham walks, then Ryan Braun plusses Myers fastball for a double off the left field wall. That'll cause Myers to intentionally-plus-walk Prince Fielder to load the bases.

6:09 — I'm half convinced there are actually five Mike Cameron cyborgs in the game today. One such is leading off for the Brewers. He strikes out.

More Pregame

6:07 — John Smoltz says Brett Myers has a "plus fastball." I've never heard of someone who had a minus fastball.

6:05 — Some cell phone commercial has her dad forbidding her daughter to call "Derek with a mustache" in the new cell phone plan. If that certain guy is Derrike Cope, then I don't blame him. That's just creepy.

Pre-Game Babble

Ah, the baseball postseason. This was, if some of you recall, the time last year which began my live blogs on this here site. So let's celebrate this anniversary by risking suicide and live blogging back-to-back games.

Anyways, let's talk about the Phillies-Brewers game specifically. Did you hear about Tampa Bay's win? Did you know Tampa Bay's in the playoffs? How about Tampa Bay! Tampa Tampa Tampa. It will be interesting to see if either Philly or Milwaukee plays Tampa Bay in the World Series.

Speaking of what Floridians love all of a sudden, here's 25 squares with different phrases on them.

Note: This card will also carry over for the Cubs-Dodgers series. Marks on the cards will rollover to the late night game. Y'know, most families would kill for milky bingo cards.

"I'm jumping up and down and celebrating, and when everything calmed down, I'm like, 'I think I peed my pants!'" Niki laughed. It was actually her water breaking, but this Brewers' fan and her husband Brian didn't leave the park. They waited to see the outcome of the Mets' game. Addison was born the next day at the hospital.

The win, along with a Mets loss that day in New York, propelled the Brewers into the playoffs. The family watched Game One of the NLDS with the Phillies from home, where the baby presumably was not amused about being 0-1 lifetime in the playoffs.

The O'Connors named the baby Addison, apparently not aware of the street address of Wrigley Field, home of the team they beat on Sunday.

Here's some video of these two totally insane dedicated Brewers fans.

Woman Gives Birth After Cheering Braun's Home Run [TMJ4-Milwaukee]
Playoff Baby Watches First Brewers Game [MSNBC]

And, oh, yes...it's time to officially start worrying about Brad Lidge. Brad Lidge is "tired"?

Good news for Milwaukee fans, though — C.C. Sabathia is not:

“Everybody who knows me and that’s close to me knows how competitive I am,” Sabathia said. “If I’m healthy enough . . . to pitch, they’re not going to tell me not to because I’m not going to listen to it. We’re going to end up getting into an argument.”

And in other cooch-related news, there's this amusing anecdote featuring a drunken Phillies cretin heckling some Brewers fans in the stands:

About three rows in front of them a Phillies fan was feeling no pain. He turned and gave the couple a piece of his mind. The Brewers fans ignored him

My friend describes what happened next:

"The subjects had an unknown projectile thrown in their direction."

My friend is a lawyer. Forgive him.

"I think it was a peanut. The guy in the Braun shirt didn't do anything. He was just being stoic. Kinda taking the lumps you might get if you go into enemy territory."

In the ninth, the game tightens up. So does the obnoxious Phillies fan, described as an ordinary-looking guy in his 30s. A clean, well-lighted cretin.

"Fielder is up, and we're all sitting there worried that he's gonna knock one out of the park, and that's when the Phillies fan starts acting up. You know when you toss a beer at someone, but hold onto the bottle so you just flick your wrist? He did that. He doused the guy with his beer. A full frontal, he gave. And the Brewers fan still didn't do anything.

But the section of Phillies fans that surrounded the couple did.

"A good half a dozen Phillies fans converged on this guy and just friggin gave it to him. He got no support for his antics. The whole section was pointing at him and berating him. They got him tossed out immediately."

Afterward, my friend reports, a lot of people approached the couple to apologize.

If the Phillies lost, that apology probably wouldn't be as forthcoming. And that cup of beer most likely would have been some sort of animal urine that they smuggled in.

Two more to go...

Jumping back into the fire [JS Online]
Good news: Lidge is now tired [Philly.com]
The Polite Phillies Fans [Blinq]

The only thing that was pretty about it was Cole Hamels who did everything he was supposed to do as the reluctant ace of the staff. Other than that — thank you Mike Cameron. I guess his glove is also no longer using performance enhancers. Tomorrow it gets ugly as the suddenly jittery Brett Myers faces off against C. C. and his chubby bionic arm. There is a surprising amount of confidence in Philadelphia, even though the Phils, for the most part, played like dogshit today. The bats were limp and Brad Lidge suddenly looks as vulnerable as Leitch said he would.

But a win is a win is a win, and if this is what it takes to get out of the sissy round, then it's fine by me.

Dodgers/Cubs are starting and now I have to go evacuate the Schmitter before another unfortunate incident ruins a second pair of perfectly good Gap underwear.

Enjoy the rest of your evening and I'll be back bleary-eyed and bushy-faced tomorrow morning.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

Series Schedule
Game 1: Wednesday, October 1, 3 p.m. Milwaukee (???) at Philadelphia (Hamels).
Game 2: Thursday, October 2, 6 p.m. Milwaukee (???) at Philadelphia (???).
Game 3: Saturday, October 4, 6:30 p.m. Philadelphia (???) at Milwaukee (???).
Game 4 (if necessary): Sunday, October 5, Time TBD. Philadelphia at Milwaukee.
Game 5 (if necessary): Tuesday, October 7, Time, TBD. Milwaukee at Philadelphia.

SEVEN THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE PHILLIES-BREWERS SERIES

1. Seriously, That Really Is Dale Sveum Managing The Brewers. Of all the potential Steve Fisher/Phil Garner interim-to-pennant-winner candidates, Sveum has to be considered the least likely. Ask any Red Sox fan about Sveum's epic incompetence at waving runners home from third base; you had to wonder if he was just flipping a coin, Two Face style, and randomly flapping his arms accordingly. And now he's 11 wins away from a World Series title. If that happens, Bob Brenly will be displaced as Worst Manager To Win A World Series, and, once again, we'll have more proof that managers don't really do a thing.

2. This Is It For The Brewers. Sure, Ryan Braun's gonna be around for a while, and Corey Hart and his ilk are serviceable. But, much like the Astros (though not as stupidly), Milwaukee placed all its bets on this season. Sabathia's gone after the year — and, with Matt LaPorta already knocking the ball around in Cleveland, at no small price — and it's unlikely they'll be able to sign Ben Sheets either. And you get the sense Prince Fielder's "old player skills" are going to offer diminishing returns as well. They're going to look extremely different next year than they do now. If they go out early, you have to wonder if it was worth it.

3. Brett Myers Is Unstable As A Pitcher As Well. When Brett Myers hasn't been busy punching his wife in the face, he has been having one of the more bipolar years in recent memory. His struggles early in the season were so profound that he was sent to the minor leagues. When he returned, he was dominant, going 7–2 with a 1.80 ERA heading into September. Then, this month, he's been awful again. It's almost as if the guy has wild mood swings or something. Just a theory. The Phillies are an extremely likable team, but you can be forgiven if you pull against them in Game 2.

4. Listen To Beltran. Just for fun, let's hark back to Carlos Beltran's words in the preseason: "Without Santana, we felt, as a team, that we had a chance to win in our division. With him now, I have no doubt that we're going to win in our division. I have no doubt in that. We've got what it takes. To Jimmy Rollins: We are the team to beat." One might forgive a Phillies fan for taking a little joy — again — in watching the Mets' implosion. But they're not ones to gloat.

(Photo via New York Daily News)

5. Never Forget. Yes, yes, Brad Lidge has been amazing this year. He hasn't blown a save all season, and he generally looks like unhittable, like he did in the glory days of Houston. But let us not forget what happened to Lidge the last time he was in the postseason. Of course, everybody remembers this:

But let's not also look past what happened in that World Series: Lidge lost two games, including the decisive Game 4, in which he gave up the lone run in a 1-0 loss. That postseason devastated him for two seasons, and he's just now back to form. But the postseason punishes the fragile. How much will he sweat when facing Ryan Braun with a one-run lead and a runner on in the bottom of the ninth? Could he handle that again?

6. The Brewers Aren't Particularly Likable. You have to be happy for Brewers fans, who have waited 26 years for a return to the postseason. But you don't necessarily have to like this team, which, in the opinion of this Cardinals fan, have taunted, showboated and chest-pounded to a rather excessive amount for a team that, until yesterday, had never won a damned thing. (Whatever my thoughts on the Cubs franchise, their players act like they've been there before.) I know, I know: Complaining about baseball etiquette is the last refuge of the elderly, jilted, crotchety fan. I'm pretty certain that I'm only acting out of emotion and am 100 percent wrong. But still: I'm not the only person who feels this way.

7. If The Brewers Can Win Early, Look Out. The Brewers' rotation is a shambles right now, other than Sabathia of course, but sometimes, Sabathia is enough. He'll never be this good again, but this moment, Sabathia's pretty much a superman. If the Brewers can get away with throwing him just once this series and still win, he could start Game 1 of the NLCS. If Sveum was willing to throw him on three days rest in Game 4 — which of course he will be — he'd get three starts in the series. That would scare anybody ... especially the Cubs.

PREDICTION
The Brewers have done everything they can to blow this season, and, somehow, they still couldn't find a way to do it. Why should the NLDS be any different? Brewers in 5.

Perhaps the most joyful of playoff entrants this year are the Milwaukee Brewers, who just a couple weeks ago were in the midst of an epic free-fall out of wild card contention. Ned Yost was shown the door, Dale Sveum moved over to the manager's stoop (and didn't wave anyone home from the dugout), their bats woke up, and C.C. Sabathia continued his difference-making pitching performances that appear well worth the price of Matt LaPorta's future excellence.

Sabathia pitched another ridiculous outing on short rest shutting down the Cubs 3-1 in front of a sold out, raucous Miller Park crowd.

At Brewers' blog "Brew Crew Ball", the ecstasy of a playoff berth was summed up this way: "Pee your pants! We made the playoffs!"

Congratulations, Milwaukee. You have two days to sober up.

Keg Party! Sabathia finishes what he starts [JS Online]

The Mets were actually tied up in the 8th when the pen gave up back to back solo homers to put the Marlins up 4-2. It was none other than former Philadelphia Phillies outcast Wes Helms who hit the go ahead homer to send the Mets season and Shea Stadium into oblivion.

Unlike the Mets beleaguered relievers, the Marlins pen got the job done.

The Mets did show signs of life early in the game when Carlos Beltran hit a clutch 2-run home run in the sixth. Shocking, I know, but they failed to ever mount a legitimate come back in the 8th or 9th.

The National League playoffs should look like this: Milwaukee Brewers will face the Philadelphia Phillies and the Chicago Cubs will face the Los Angles Dodgers.

All that's left now for Shea Stadium is the drunken Long Island frat boys singing along to Billy Joel lyrics.

So long, Shea. Somebody will miss you.

With the huge win yesterday, coupled with a Brewers loss, New York and Milwaukee now stand tied for the NL wild card spot. If both teams were to win or lose, they would play a one game playoff at Shea on Monday to determine who will get to hit the golf links a few weeks early.

• Cubs 7, Brewers 3
Things looked promising for the Brewers heading into the series with the Cubs with Lou Piniella sending out half his bench to start each game. But the banged up Ben Sheets couldn't find his stuff on Saturday and his arm is simply not there. Well, it's there, but it's busted. "I got a broke arm, I got a broke arm. It's not really broke, but it's all I had for the year. Things definitely don't look like they're on my side," Sheets said.

Despite heading down the home stretch in less than impressive fashion, the Brewers have to like their chances on Sunday when CC Sabathia takes the mound at Miller Park. Reports are that the Cubs will rest Zambrano.

• Indians 12, White Sox 6
• Royals 4, Twins 2
The AL Central appears to be the division that nobody wants to win. The Twins hold the edge over the White Sox due to their having one more win currently with Chicago having played one less game. The scenarios are a little more complex as to how this can all play out. At this point, I fully expect this to be undecided at close of business today.

• Phillies 4, Nationals 3
The drunken high of yesterday's win to clinch their second consecutive NL East title is wearing off as the Yuengling sweats set in this morning. But clinching yesterday as opposed to the final day of the season like last year is a huge plus for the Phils. Cole Hamels can take the day off and will be ready to go in game one of the NLDS on Wednesday. Shane Victorino will also get a much needed day off after a brutal collision in shallow center last night on an incredible basket catch by Jimmy Rollins.

Saturday,'s winning pitcher, Jamie Moyer, also started the final game of the 2007 regular season in which the Phils beat the Nats to clinch the NL East. Yesterday, at the age of 45, Moyer won his 16th game of the season.

Moyer had this to say after the game, "We dream about this game. You dream about it as a kid. You're 45, and you still dream."

The dream is not over.

• Mets 7, Cubs 6. So New York just might make the playoffs after all, and it would be a shame if Mr. Met caught a cold and missed it all. Carlos Beltran made sure that the final three regular-season games at Shea Stadium would be relevant with his two-out, game-winning single in the ninth — off the glove of first baseman Micah Hoffpauir — as New York remained in a tie with Milwaukee atop the wild-card standings. The Mets split the four-game series and moved within a game of idle Philadelphia for first place in the East. So, three game remaining at home with the Marlins, and they might have to put off the Shea demolition for a couple of weeks. One question though: Just how far out of the baseline are you allowed to go to avoid a tag at the plate? Can you actually go into the stands?
Remaining schedule(s):
Mets: Three games versus the Marlins.
Cubs: Three games at Milwaukee.

• Padres 7, Dodgers 5. Should a team be allowed to pop champagne after losing to the Padres? Please look into this, Mr. Selig. That's just what the Dodgers did on Thursday, backing into the NL West title after St. Louis beat Arizona 12-3 in an afternoon game. That clinched things for LA, which still had to wait until after its night game with San Diego to celebrate. And part of that celebration was on the field, which was weird. Oh, and then there's this: Following the game, Dodgers manager Joe Torre said he received a text message of congratulations from Diamondbacks manager Bob Melvin. Dude. LOL. No word yet from Dodgers superfan Alyssa Milano, but if you want to ask her about it, she'll be at Busch Stadium in St. Louis tonight modeling clothes from her TOUCH collection.

Even though the Cubs seemingly handed the game over to them on multiple occasions it just didn't happen. Even after they get to Zambrano early, even after they get the lead runner on base multiple times, even after Samarzdidazaidza walks in the tying run, even after Daniel Murphy leads off the 9th with a lead-off triple with the heart of the order behind him, the Mets just could not win. Original gangsta manager Jerry Manuel recognizes the missed opportunity and the foul-smelling wind that's a blowin':

That's bad. You've got to find a way. We've got to keep pushing and pressing. To have a guy at third, leadoff, a young player like that, and not get him in. . . . We gotta do a better job than that."

To make matters even more pressing, the Brewers continued their Dale Sveum-led resurgence, defeated the Pirates and are now tied with the Bastards for the wild card lead. The Phillies, suffering from their own bouts of bed-shitting of late, are also feeling rattled. But not as much as the Mets, their fans, and their bar owners, according to one Deadspin reader:

I am a Philly native and recent New York transplant. I was hoping you could help spread the word about a bar that no one should ever go to.Today (well not its yesterday) was my 25th birthday and I went out with some friends. I live in the Village. We ended up at the Village Pourhouse at like 9th and 3rd. Mets/Cubs was in the bottom of the ninth when we got there and I was openly rooting for the Cubs to win since the Phils had already lost. There was a guy by the bar in a Mets jersey who heard me and starting yelling at me. Turns out it was the owner of the bar. The Mets lost. I yelled at my friends who were Mets fans that we were still up 1.5 games. Some time passes and I need another drink. I get the smoking hot bartender's attention and she gets a beer for my friend and informs me that she can no longer
serve me. I ask why and find out that because of being a Cubs fan (which I told her I was not), I could no longer drink at the bar. I showed her my license to explain it was my birthday (apparently she did not care). She said she was not getting involved and not risking losing her job over giving me a drink. I was furious, stole the signed credit card receipt from my friend's drink, and after my friend's finished their drinks, stormed out of the bar. Please let Philly people know never to go to this bar. They are anti-Philly and its atrocious that this happened to me. I want to destroy the income
of this bar.

Welcome to playoff baseball.

Mets tied with Brewers for Wild Card [NY Daily News]