Tomorrow night is "Ball-Less Baseball" night at the Hudson Valley Renegades game, a somewhat unique take on the old "Ladies Night" tradition. Fans in attendance will get massages, makeup, and mani-pedis. Oh, and men are not allowed into the stadium until after the 5th inning, a caveat that has drawn a sternly worded letter from officials in Dutchess County, New York, which owns the ballpark.

At best, the promotion is in poor taste. However, I write to warn that the promotion likely violates the New York State Human Rights Law and probably violates the guarantee to equal protection under the laws contained in the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution," the letter reads. "New York State Human Rights Law (Executive Law Section 296) expressly prohibits discrimination on the basis of gender in any place of public accommodation. Clearly, your plan to prohibit admittance based on gender runs afoul of this provision."

"Dutchess County cannot in good conscience remain silent while its citizens are subject to invidious gender discrimination."

Invidious! To the Renegades credit, they were already planning a "tailgate party" for the dudes stuck in the parking lot and were forced to admit on their website that they would not actually prevent the testosterone set from entering the building. But only in a lawsuit happy America could people actually find it necessary to bury their sense of humor and lodge a formal complaint against something so silly. Or in the world of Poughkeepsie Journal web commenters....

Whats next Renegades? Whites only? Blacks only? Gays only? Dems only? Reps only?

Yes, that's exactly where we are headed. Apartheid is clearly the next step on this slippery slope. By the way, all bobblehead promotions are now considered an affront to babies with undeveloped neck muscles. Fair is fair.

Women-only promotion under dispute [Poughkeepsie Journal]
Tampa Bay Rays affiliate in Hudson Valley, N.Y. catches flak for its version of Ladies Night [St. Petersburg Times]

The promotion amusingly refers to Leyritz as a former Newark Bear, which, strictly speaking, is true. In 2001, he played in 19 games and hit a legendary .296. The "Jimmy" is an especially nice touch. The diminutive form is always good for taking the edge off vehicular manslaughter.

This appears to be the second stop on the Jim Leyritz Redemption Tour, the first being Dan Le Batard's warm shoulder. I'm not entirely sure that an independent-league ballpark in Jersey is the wisest choice, especially for someone who was recently said to be suicidal, but, as the man told Le Batard, he's all about "reintroducing the truth every day." He'll get plenty of truth in Newark.

Promotions & Events [Newark Bears]

What is "Over 18 Night," you ask? Well, next Tuesday the Wranglers—creators of "Gov. Rod Blagojevich Prison Uniform Night"—host the Alaska Aces with the puck dropping at 9:05 p.m., about 90-minutes later than the usual first face off. Why the late start? So fans can appropriately enjoy the $20 open bar from 7:30-to-game time. (Because what if you could be second-period drunk in the first period?) Then during the game—two-for-one specials on "Russian Standard Vodka, Crown Royal, Tommy Bahama Rum, Bombay Saphire Gin and Patron Silver Tequilla." I believe that means the fans will be "crunked."

But wait there's more! DJ Mike Relm, whom your impaired brain may recognize from the soundtracks of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Yo Gabba Gabba, will pump some mind melting mashup beats into the arena all night. Meanwhile, "The V Theater inside The Miracle Mile Shops at Planet Hollywood" will be providing sideline entertainment on the concourse. What kind of entertainment? Female and male strippers, of course! They're very progressive in Vegas.

The American Storm All-Male Review will be available for pictures in the concourse. Stripper-101 will also be on the concourse, providing demonstrations on exotic dancing (no nudity).

Boo on the no nudity. Still ... booze, excess skin, and some bouncing club beats should absolutely make for the most grown up night of hockey you've ever hazily remembered. Oh, and I guess there will be a game played too. The best part of all—it doesn't appear that attendance is actually restricted to 18-and-over.

Have fun at the game kids! Daddy's got a date with the craps table!

Finally, the marriage between hockey and exotic dancing [Puck Daddy]

That night is being billed "Anger Management Night" as all spectators receive stress balls and have the opportunity to participate in a base throwing contest. (No mention of dugout bat tossing javelin or free popcorn boxes filled with Xanax, unfortunately)

Why can't major league baseball have this kind of forward thinking and creativity? I would have loved to participate in "Assault Tom Gamboa Night" anytime the Royals come to town. Fun for the whole family, indeed.
(Thanks to Rebuilding Year for the heads)
Manager's Special: Bring Your Own Base [LA Times]
We'd Like to Have an Argument Please [Deadspin]

These creatures go around to various sporting events and, so they claim, entertain people. Some of them seem fairly clever to me... I like "Derek Cheetah" and "Peyton Manatee." Some seem a little forced, like "Dennis Frogman" and "Ken Giraffey, Jr." Some, like "Ichiroach Suzuki," "Dick Flytale," and "Deion Salamdanders" just plain frighten me. And some of them seem like the names that the actual athletes might use if they done day decided to star in pornography, like "Stallion Iverson," and "LeBronco James."

If I was in charge of promotions for an National League baseball team, I'd wait for the Dodgers to come to town, hire "Nomar Garciaparrot" and "Mia Hammster," and when Nomar went to the plate, they would stand on top of the dugout and just do filthy things to each other.

They look like a lot of fun, and I highly recommend them to any team out there looking for a fun promotion. From the quotes on their site, people seem to love them. In addition, there's a page here where you can suggest new characters, and I think they need a "Rob Deer."

ZOOperstars! Entertainment Shows [zooperstars.com]

(Best part? You have to be 18 to enter. You don't say?)

Hairiest Back At The Ballpark Night [Potomac Nationals]