Just three games into their inaugural season in the Southern Professional Hockey League, head coach Ron Handy abruptly quit to "focus on community relations and off-ice operations." Apparently, losing the team's first three games didn't fall under that rubric. Caught in a bind, general manager and team president Brent Sapergia put himself behind the bench for last week's two game series against Pensacola. It did not go well. He received a game misconduct in both games and has been banned from coaching by the league after responding to penalty call by taking anything not nailed down to his bench and hurling it on the ice.

Is Sapergia crazy ... or crazy like a fox? Is it too cynical to think that the Bill Veeck of Southeastern Minor League hockey cooked up this rant to draw some attention to his floundering expansion team? The IceGators—a non-indigenous species, obviously—were resurrected in 2009 after a previous incarnation of the franchise folded four years ago. And before this moment, were you aware that there was a hockey team in Lafayette, Louisiana? Didn't think so.

Or maybe he's just a really, really bad coach. Eh, I'll just go with that one.

[Video: AP, via Busted Coverage]
Struggling IceGators get new coach [The Independent]
The Official IceGators Website [Icegators.com]
Ice Flyers open at home with win [Pensacola News Journal]

What is "Over 18 Night," you ask? Well, next Tuesday the Wranglers—creators of "Gov. Rod Blagojevich Prison Uniform Night"—host the Alaska Aces with the puck dropping at 9:05 p.m., about 90-minutes later than the usual first face off. Why the late start? So fans can appropriately enjoy the $20 open bar from 7:30-to-game time. (Because what if you could be second-period drunk in the first period?) Then during the game—two-for-one specials on "Russian Standard Vodka, Crown Royal, Tommy Bahama Rum, Bombay Saphire Gin and Patron Silver Tequilla." I believe that means the fans will be "crunked."

But wait there's more! DJ Mike Relm, whom your impaired brain may recognize from the soundtracks of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Yo Gabba Gabba, will pump some mind melting mashup beats into the arena all night. Meanwhile, "The V Theater inside The Miracle Mile Shops at Planet Hollywood" will be providing sideline entertainment on the concourse. What kind of entertainment? Female and male strippers, of course! They're very progressive in Vegas.

The American Storm All-Male Review will be available for pictures in the concourse. Stripper-101 will also be on the concourse, providing demonstrations on exotic dancing (no nudity).

Boo on the no nudity. Still ... booze, excess skin, and some bouncing club beats should absolutely make for the most grown up night of hockey you've ever hazily remembered. Oh, and I guess there will be a game played too. The best part of all—it doesn't appear that attendance is actually restricted to 18-and-over.

Have fun at the game kids! Daddy's got a date with the craps table!

Finally, the marriage between hockey and exotic dancing [Puck Daddy]

I was in the greater Peoria area on non-blogging business — if AJ was sending me there on actual blogging business, you can guarantee it was a ploy to get rid of me — when during the second intermission of the hockey game between Peoria Rivermen and the Iowa Chops, the "Cha Cha Slide" began streaming over the loudspeaker.

Throughout my life I've campaigned tirelessly against the spread and promotion of the "Cha Cha Slide" at high school dances, night clubs, glow bowling, weddings, and lynchings of former Iraqi dictators. To little avail, DJs continue to play a song that's more effective as a torture technique than waterboarding, electrocution, and marathons of The Nanny combined. It's nothing but a bass line, drums, and instructions handed down from an unknown man that people, for whatever reason, unconditionally obey. If the song ended with "Now, riot on the streets," you can bet the unwashed masses would probably do so. Other tunes may sound worse, but none of them possess these inherently evil properties, making "Cha Cha Slide" the indisputable worst song in the history of sound.

That's when a brave little type in a Devin Hester jersey intervened. With a teddy bear for charity in one hand, he pushed an unsuspecting lemming with his other hand into his acquaintance's lap, spilling large amounts of nacho cheese down into his pants, justice — for once — finally prevailed in the War Against The Cha Cha Slide. I forget who won the hockey game.

The owners of Toledo's expansion minor league hockey and football teams have decided to give into the overwhelming feedback by its fellow citizens that the Peckerheads mascot is inappropriate, citing that dick jokes were meant to be shared between you and the Lord God. They're going to call the hockey team the Walleyes, and while they don't have a mascot for the football team, the general manager already ruled out the Woodpeckers, Peckers and Peckerheads. The story has no mention of explicitly ruling out Peckerfaces, Peckerbreaths, or the Ramblin' Peck:

"If we could push rewind, we would not have registered 'Peckers' and 'Peckerheads.' I don't think 'Woodpeckers' would've raised an eye brow. Given that we did [register 'Peckers' and 'Peckerheads'], people focused on those two names."

Shh, shh. Don't look back. Rather, look ahead to a time when this prim and proper world of minor league sports will tolerate — nay, embrace the Pecker as its beloved mascot with a loving fist, not an iron one.

Mud Hens Snag Catchy 'Walleye' As Moniker For Hockey Franchise [Toledo Blade]
Politician On A Mission To Rid Toledo Of Any And All Peckers [Deadspin]

The first 2,000 adults 18 & older at the game will receive a roll of Fresno Falcons toilet paper. The toilet paper features the Falcons logo as the Condors look to "Wipe Out The Falcons."

Free rolls of toilet paper at a minor league hockey game? What could possibly go wrong? But if you play your cards right and resist the temptation to throw it onto the ice, you could get your toilet paper signed after the game by Condors' right wing Kevin Asselin.

Toilet Paper Roll Giveaway Night [Bakersfield Condors]