Many emails littered our inbox last night night asking about the weird bald-looking dude who received an uncomfortable level of face-time during the All-Star game. Of course, this is a sneaky Fox promotion for a television show. I guess we've fallen for it as well since I'm now writing about it. But here's the WIkipedia info on "The Observer":

The Observer is also seen on occasion in other Fox programs. For example, on April 7, 2009, the Observer was seen on American Idol. He was on the front row and blatantly shown near the beginning of the episode. This appearance, along with others at televised sports events, including a close-up appearance at the 2009 Major League Baseball All-Star game, is part of a viral marketing campaign by Fox Television

Bastards.

******

Anyway, good morning. It's Wednesday. There are bagels and fresh juices available on the table near the kitchen.

Consider Jason Rosenberg, the 39-year-old founder of the Vote For Manny b-log, a social rebel. After reading that the suspended Dodgers star — yes, the real one — was fourth in All-Star voting, Rosenberg took to the interwebs and made a site to urge fellow purists to vote for Ramirez and bring attention to the absurdity of Major League Baseball's PED policy. But people misinterpreted the site as a nest for Manny fanboys, which forced Rosenberg to clarify his position. A vote for Manny, you see, is a vote for hope and change. And who doesn't love that?

The perfect storm is on the horizon: Manny being elected a starter in the ASG. A vote for Manny is merely a statement to MLB that the rules need to be changed. It's not a vote for Manny, the player. Sure, the LA fans might actually want to see Manny, but that only highlights the point earlier; fans root for the laundry.

Then Rosenberg used his 15 minutes on the bully pulpit to inform his new readers how he would change the All-Star Game, so I surfed over to Buster Olney's blog, where he pointed out the futility of the grassroots movement's inspiration.

All of this (plus Ramirez's performance on the field in the last two months of last season) will make Manny a very formidable candidate in the weeks ahead. If you are waiting to see if the commissioner is going to step in and say, with some fair logic, that all players suspended for the use of banned substances or performance-enhancing drugs are ineligible for baseball's midsummer classic, well, that almost certainly is not going to happen. Such a policy would have to be collectively bargained between the owners and the union.

Either way, both Rosenberg and Olney point out, Ramirez isn't likely to play in the All-Star Game. His teeth will probably hurt, or something like that.

Fan starts "Vote For Manny" Web site [AP]
The Manny candidacy gains stream [Buster Olney]
A bit more on "Vote For Manny" [It's About The Money, Stupid]

This photo is one of a pretty amusing array posted on BLS today. Don't quite know what to say about the one below, except, I hope to God there's a monkey. Otherwise that is one sick old bastard.

My New Haircut: The Best Of Tuesday's All-Star Photos [Big League Stew]

——————————————————————————————————————

Final (15)
3 4

1:37 — Sac fly ... Morneau tags... that's it! FREEDOM! FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

1:36 — And the bases? They be all fulla All-Stars yet again. Lidge walks Drew.

1:33 — Hey, there we are. Navarro with a knock to center. Two on, one out.
1:32 — I would like to extend my utmost empathy to Camp Tiger Claw at Walkoff Walk, Tuffy at The Brooks, and anyone else still liveblogging this. Remain calm. One of you please distract Brad Lidge, take the ball, throw a 39 mph batting practice pitch, and we'll all be free from this.

1:31 — Way to hustle, Ludwick. Fantastic catch. But we will have none of that right now.

1:30 — Morneau slices a single up to center. A little candle of hope flickers in the distance.

1:27 — Here, I'll solve this. Effective immediately, we invoke the Super Baseball 2020 rules. NOW WE SET THE CRACKERS.

Middle 15th Inning
3 3
1:25 — Help us, Buck and McCarver! You're our only hope for fixing the All-Star game!

1:23 — Reporters text messaging GMs for exclusive interviews. Wave of the future!

1:20 — The AL is down to their last pitcher, Scott Kazmir. I'm sensing this game will end with James Caan roller skating around the park, everyone chanting his name.

End 14th Inning
3 3
1:17 — Yes, Wright struck out, but remember, kids. Wrong Met. It's still Billy Wagner's fault.

1:16 — Remember when the D'backs were the odds-on-favorite to win the NL West? Well, Brandon Webb's going to pitch about four innings, so you can shitcan that dream.

1:14 — Brad Lidge still plays baseball? Or did they find him in the alley, cleaned him up, and adorned him with the best fitting uniform they had lying around?

Middle 14th Inning
3 3
1:11 — Guess.

1:09 — Hit equally far, Russell Martin smokes one short of the warning track. At this point I can name the 18 guys still in the lineup, and nary another guy who played earlier in the game.

1:08 — And McLouth PUTS A CHARGE IN ONE ... right into the glove of Drew. Feh.

End 13th Inning
3 3
1:05 — Marmol is not having any of this "decided outcome." Quentin strikes out and that's 13 in the books.l Joe Buck is seemingly getting high from the Fox outro music fumes.

1:03 — A strike 'em out, steal 'em anyway. Two out and Drew is on second.
1:01 — Dan Uggla has the Timberland Golden Boot performance of the year, getting his third error.

1:00 — It's one o'clock, and this seems like an Oscar-worthy performance from, ah, take your pick:

12:58 — Carlos Marmol. Here we are.

Middle 13th Inning
3 3
12:55 — Ryan Ludwick, getting back to his Mud Hens roots, pops it up to end the inning.

12:53 — No, Corey Hart, the ball wasn't pitched there. Two down.

12:51 — Thanks for advancing no one. The lead runner is thrown out.
12:50 — Tim McCarver: "I can't remember this many bunt situations in an All-Star game." Technically, every at bat is a bunt situation. Just not a good one. Ask Dusty Baker about it. It's written on one of the sides of that toothpick.

12:48 — Liveblogger's log. Stardate 7161248. I'm ... watching George Sherrill ... pitch ... to ... Da ... vid ... Wright and HE.IS... in his ... second inning of work.

End 12th Inning
3 3
12:45 — Nope. Let's just keep playing. And if McCarver promoting "Welcome Back Kotter" didn't whet your gullet, here's Greg Gross pitching "Good Times" instead:

12:43 — Let's play a game called "how many times can we load the bases while enervating the fans to the point of insanity?" Actually, Cook just walks Morneau to get to Ian Kinsler, and leaves second base open.

12:42 — Longoria's near-fair grounder gave him a second chance to instead strike out.

12:41 — I'm on my second wind. I'm good. Sizemore moves the Guillen up to third, and there's just one of the out dots lit.

12:39 — WHO'S YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' TIGER!? Carlos Guillen launches one mere feet from a home run, and he'll settle for the ol' two-fer.

12:37 — Is everyone cool with me just futureposting portions of my 4th grade report on Count Basie instead of continuing on with this charade?

Middle 12th Inning
3 3
12:36 — Sherill's throwing eight different kinds of smoke out there. Adrian Gonzalez is history, and so are those loaded bases.

12:33 — George Sherill? What '60s sitcom is he from?

12:32 — Dan Uggla can't decide whether to end this game or keep it going. That curveball wobbles his knees and sends him back to the dugout for the second out.

12:31 — Miguel Tejada will get the free first base, his to keep, no strings attached.
12:29 — And there was another bunt ... why? Oh well, second and third with one of those "out" things.

12:28 — Ludwick gets walked, and McLouth's perfect bunt single makes up for extending this game in the first place. Those Pirates, they loves them some World Series home field advantage.

End 11th Inning
3 3
12:24 — And Guzman nimbly makes the play to end the inning. You know where I mentally stand? I think the following video is the greatest cinematic performance in television history:

12:23 — ........................ [muffled weeping]
12:22 — OH MY GOD I THINK HE'S GOING TO SCORE IT'S A BASE HIT THERE'S NO WAY HE'LL GET THROW OUT I'M FREE .....

12:20 — All right then. Navarro walked and Drew checkraised with a single. There's a man in scoring position. SO SCORE, DAMMIT.

12:18 — DON'T ... sonuva. Kinsler gets caught stealing. [eye twitch]
12:16 — Thank you, Ian Kinsler, for getting on base. Hey, uh, Aaron Cook? Please don't throw over to first base, it prolongs me typing. kthxbai

12:15 — So they keep the Bobby Murcer tribute clip in reserve until the 11th? What if this had gone regulation?

12:14 — Fox sure is bold to say that they will debut new television shows on Labor Day. For all we know they'll still be showing this one.

Middle 11th Inning
3 3
12:12 — Corey Hart fails the cause with a short flyout.

12:09 — Adrian Gonzalez gets on, but David Wright won't get him home. Joakim Soria, who's actually a valid Royals All-Star (no, seriously, stop laughing, STOP LAUGHING) also gets Guzman to fly out.

12:08 — Mark down the 2002 All-Star tie game, fi-freakin'-nally.

12:07 — IF ANYONE'S OUT THERE, SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

End 10th Inning
3 3
12:04 — And ... welp, that's it. It's going to be a tie game. Bases loaded and no out, and the AL doesn't get anybody home. I'm trapped in a live blog of my own device.

12:03 — This is fucking T-ball. Longoria weakly grounds to third, and Guzman comes home with the throw. Three on, two out.

12:02 — Nope. Sizemore's grounder gets a forceout at home. Bases are still Leyritzed.

12:00 — Walk off walk, anyone?

11:59 — Carlos Guillen will not be your ride home. He gets the on-purpose walk. This is different from when Fernando Rodney merely looked like he threw it wide four straight times.

11:57 — Quick! Start hitting it to Uggla! Another ball goes right through him — I think that actually did travel through his endocrine system — for a single to right, advancing Young to third.
11:55 — Here's Aaron Cook. Michael Young bounces up the middle, and Dan Uggla accidentally gaffed it. He did not intentionally knock it down to make it easier for someone to win.

Middle 10th Inning
3 3

11:53 — Muahahaha! The mayhem continues! Dan Uggla grounds into a double play. Save us, YouTube!

11:52 — Tejada could do it! He jams a ball into center, and Martin scrambles to third. No! We want mayhem!

11:51 — Russell Martin just barely squeezes out a first base.
11:47 — Just a thought for next year ... each All-Star team should name one reliever from the opposing league who is absolutely horrible in case both teams run out of pitchers. That way they can break ties in situations like that. And yes, I'm thinking Kyle Farnsworth vs. Eric Gagne.
11:45 — Hangin' in there, Rivera pitches to Nate McLouth. Quite well, I might add. McLouth goes down on strikes.

11:44 — For the record, this game would have gone under 3 hours from first to last pitch had Billy The Goat not have given up a run in the 8th. (I could also pin blame/credit on several others, but he's so easy, sitting right there kicking the dirt.)

End 9th Inning
3 3
11:42 — Yay! Free baseball that puts a strain on pitchers' regular season schedules!

11:41 — Dempster really enjoys pivoting his non-pitching wrist. In the offseason he spends his days being an oscillating fan for underprivileged inner city children.

11:39 — Dempster reaches back to find that extra speed, and it turns out to just be Miguel Tejada playing really shallow. He gets Navarro to whiff on a 96 MPH fast one.

11:35 — The immortal Ryan Dempster, everyone!

11:34 — Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Walk off walk? Here's hoping.

Middle 9th Inning
3 3
11:32 — I think Clint Hurdle went for the more popular "Hit and run" in lieu of the "whiff and pant." Ludwick strikes out, and Guzman gets glovewhapped before reaching second. Time for the inevitable American League victory.

11:31 — Toledo Mud Hens namedrop in the 9th inning? You bet your sweet Klinger that's a Deadpoint for Joe Buck, and I don't care who knows it.

11:30 — I'm sure Ryan Ludwick, of all friggin' people, will untie this game.

11:27 — Ah, there we are. With one out, Terry Francona yanks Rodriguez and Rivera ROCKS OUT TO METALLICA on his way to the mound.

11:26 — Cristian Guzman pinch runs for the just-walked Aramis Ramirez. Good to see his one true skill being put to good use (not batting or fielding).

11:24 — Wait, that's ... Francisco Rodriguez. Not Rivera? What if there's a 9th inning rally? How will Yankees fans cheer for Rivera, you know, except for going to a to-be-determined regular season game?

End 8th Inning
3 3
11:22 — And there you go. The inning is over, and the table is set for Mariano Rivera to get the win.

11:20 — Longoria doubles in Sizemore. The game's tied. Which means that the lead is...

11:18 — This might be a poor time to point out that Billy Wagner has given up 3 runs in his last two ASG innings. Two runs last year, and one in 2003. Sizemore steals second uncontested.

11:16 — So far, the fascination holds. Grady Sizemore dribbles one to right.
11:15 — Billy The Wagner, playing the role of setup man. This should be fascinating.

11:13 — Today (today) ... I consider the top center right (right ... right) the most recently marked space (space ... space) on the face of this Bingo card (card ... card ... card)

11:09 — THERE'S MY TIGER. Or at least a Tiger at all. Carlos Guillen is the final reserve to join the fray.

11:07 — Beach Boys frontman Brian Wilson leads off the inning with a fastball to the backstop.

Middle 8th Inning
3 2

11:04 — I got it. PAPELBOOED. Or PAPELBAD. How about SAP-EL-NON? I think the New Yorkers will able to derive that one, provided a Papelbon picture Photoshopped with devil horns accompanies the headline.
11:03 — You know, it was almost as if Navarro was slightly aware that Tejada was coming in on that sacrifice fly. You could practically sense the synapses firing in his head that maybe, maybe he should turn around and try to tag the runner coming in. But he decided he was better off not displaying too much effort, and the third run for the National League goes on the board.

11:02 — Miguel Tejada takes that second base right from Michael Young. Hardly a competition. Navarro's throw wicks out to the outfield, and Tejada takes third.

11:01 — And here comes the "Overrated" chant. But the preseason polls don't come out for weeks! He strikes out Dan Uggla, who gets booed by the Tampa Bay Rays fan in the building.

11:00 — Here's one for The Post tomorrow, if he blows this save: PAP-SHELLED-BON. Get it?

10:58 — New York Daily News put Jonathan Papelbon in his place. "PAPELBUM." Oh, lordy! What a glorious zing on the Red Sox closer! Papples allows a base hit to right, prompting boos. But hold on a second. A Red Sox got them back in, so naturally in Yankee Stadium a Red Sox re-digs the hole. Right?

10:57 — All right, let's start discussing who should be the MVP of the game. Well, one good idea is ... hey, hey HEY! Come back here! Don't start playing NCAA 09 on me!

End 7th Inning
2 2

10:54 — End of inning. And look! It's a tie game. Bud Selig was last seen trying to resuscitate Tim Lincecum.

10:53 — Drew launches one just over the right field fence. Here's a New York dilemma: "Um, should we boo this?" The human race: "Yes, yes you can. In fact, join in, because I already began booing him 3 hours ago."

10:52 — Joe Girardi is the bullpen catcher. Somewhere, Dale Sveum throws a Tupperware container at the television.

10:51 — The Rays' Dioner Navarro cannot swing at the high fastball. It would be improper. He sites down, and it's up to J.D. Drew to get the AL on the board.

10:49 — Kinsler's grounder slides Morneau up another base. Sacrifici-licious.

10:48 — (And yes, I now realize that it was Milton Bradley, not Morneau, who flew out to end the inning in the 6th. This deters from my joke, so I will choose to instead run with the error.)

10:47 — Edinson Volquez will now pitch. Justin Morneau doubles to right-center, because Corey Hart's attempt to bellyflop onto the ball failed.

10:45 — All right, I'm bored enough to start reading George Will columns. I'm going to start watching "NewsRadio" clips now:

10:43 — Josh Groban is as close to a Barry Zito lookalike as we're gonna see at an All-Star game for quite a while.

Middle 7th Inning
2 0

10:40 — Could a statistican out there do a box-and-whisker plot of number of outs that have been groundouts to first and flyouts to center? It seems excessive. I'll compensate you with pennywhistles for a job well done.

10:37 — Joe Nathan, welcome to the pitcher's mound. It's a fairly straightforward game. Just throw 8 fastballs, get three outs, and sit back down.

End 6th Inning
2 0
10:34 — Justin Morneau hates Josh Hamilton, no doubt. First he dampens the NiceStory™ by winning the Derby, then he fails to drive him in from second with a weak, un-Canadianlike fly ball to center.

10:33 — Sizemore is dreamy, but not dreamy enough to get that ball four call. Strike three looking.

10:31 — And the fourth "first" stolen base for the AL goes to Josh Hamilton.
10:30 — Joe Crede's at-bat results in a rather bland "he almost didn't stay as the starter but then he did" story. Fittingly, that popout was boring.

10:27 — It's ... a brand new infield! [Price Is Right optimistic ditty] Adrian Gonzalez, Dan Uggla and Miguel Tejada stroll onto the grass with gloves in hand. And speaking of grass, Hamilton gets a base hit.

Middle 6th Inning
2 0
10:24 — Holliday flies out to end the "lengthy" half-inning.
10:23 — Chipper Jones swings at a high one and gets nothing in return. "Guys don't come to the All-Star Game to walk." No, they go to a physical therapist to learn that.

10:21 — Pujols lines a ball back to DHnd base for a single. Duchscherer sure isn't looking too ... wait a second. This was all Billy Beane's plan. He knows his A's won't make the World Series, so he sent his pitcher to the All-Star Game in hopes of sabotaging the American League's WS home field advantage. Once I find out how he can profit from this, I'm running with the conspiracy.

10:20 — And Derek Jeter is promptly replaced at shortstop after failing to leap 150 feet in the air and catch that Berkman fly ball.
10:19 — Berkman gets under a pitch and drills it to deep center. That's enough for a sac fly. Heh. Sac. Another run for the Enn-Ell.

10:18 — Why, it's an old timey hit and/or run. Utley hits it to right for a base hit, and Hanley runs his legs around second, stopping at third.

10:15 — Hanley Ramirez's second hit gets laced to left field. Dozens of his fans rejoice, while millions of fans are sad that the ASG doesn't count for fantasy stats.

10:14 — Changes abound and too many to name. Just assume that the AL East has been replaced by the other divisions. Justin Duchscherer is now pitching.

End 5th Inning
1 0

10:10 — And Jeter's two-on, two-out, full-count swing results in a — guess! — groundout to Haren.

10:09 — MCCARVER SAID "DEAD SPIN" WHICH IS ALSO THE NAME OF A SPORTS BLOG I'M WRITING AT RIGHT NOW. WHY DO I NOT HAVE THIS ON MY BINGO CARD?

10:07 — After an Ichiro strikeout, Jeter has a pressure at-bat situation in front of him. With two on base, humans at best can get a 3-run home run. But Jeter? He's going for the 5-RBI triple.

10:05 — Pedroia draws a walk. With a red crayon. But it looks nothing like a walk. Still, he gets an A-minus.

10:04 — Tim McCarver just cannot believe that Martin and Haren have a pickoff sign. He ... just ... can't ... fathom that. And the next pitch, Kinsler steals second. Hey, the first AL stolen base of the game! Right Tim?

10:03 — Mauer dreamily grounds out. Just kidding. It's actually a base hit. Ian Kinsler pinch runs. And what a pinch.
10:02 — Quickly, Youkilis flies out to right. Why is this going so ... oh, shit. I've been sitting on my remote's "FF" button. Now I'm hoping I wouldn't have noticed that.

10:01 — More changes. Russell Martin's catching. Dan Haren's pitching. Nate McLouth is in center. There was not a video montage after the announcement of each substitution.

Middle 5th Inning
1 0
9:58 — Um ... some other guys failed to reach base. Will that suffice in terms of detail?

9:57 — We can see the view Ty Cobb sees of the game? Wacky technology.

9:56 — Alex Rodriguez is given a defensive replacement mid-inning, so the Yankees fans can cheer him off the field. Terry Francona's the one who made that decision. And I ask ... why? If I'm Francona, I play him the entire game. I also start Mariano Rivera and make him pitch seven innings.

9:53 — DINGER PATROL WARNING ALERT!!1 Matt Holliday goes opposite field for the game's first run. And the game's first actual event finally takes place.

9:51 — Grady Sizemore's in center, and Ervin Santana starts throwing. The two teams are playing a side game: first pitcher to throw more than seven pitches in an inning has to wash Tommy Lasorda.

End 4th Inning
0 0

9:47 — Milton Bradley zips down first base, which apparently caused Hanley Ramirez to lose his focus and throw the ball toward Keith Olbermann's mom He's safe ... for about 10 seconds. Zambrano picks off Ages 8 And Up to end the inning. Yes, we've played four innings in just over an hour. Now MLB has time to fit in a Foo Fighters concert between the 5th and 6th innings or something.

9:45 — Before Yogi Berra left, he transplanted his voice box into Tim McCarver. That was awfully thoughtful of him. Ramirez grounds out. Everyone grounds out. Ramirez is just like everyone else. He finally conformed.

9:45 — THEY'RE GONNA FIGHT BECAUSE THE PITCH WAS AT HIS ... oh, it was a joke. Ha! Speeding baseballs to the noggin are always so playful. "That's just Carlos being Carlos." Judges? [buzzer] Sorry, you can't mark that one down.

9:43 — Alex Rodriguez goes down without resistance.

With all these commercial product tie-ins, I'd like to happily announce that this liveblog also has a sponsor.
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Middle 4th Inning
0 0
9:40:45 — Oh my god they're getting out too fast for me to keep up. Chiptholomew Jones grounds out to end the inning.
9:40 — Ichiro absolutely guns down Pujols trying to stretch a should-be-a-double-but-isn't into a double.
9:38 — Before the game, everyone was watching Mariano Rivera give a lesson on how to throw a cut fastball. Here's my lack of based-ball insider knowledge here, but don't you think they've had this kind of information all their career? Just now they're learning the ancient Latino secret of the cutter?

9:37 — Roy Halladay will pitch now. (Oh, and Carlos Zambrano pitched the last half-inning.) Halladay gets Berkman to swing away and not hit anything.

9:36 — Yogi Berra is most likely lost in the stairwell by now.

End 3rd Inning
0 0

9:34 — Joe Buck summarizes Josh Hamilton's coke habit in one easy digestible sentence before he grounds out.
9:33 — Jeter grounds into a double play, which in his world is merely known as a hustleclutch timeout. And we were goddamn close to the "Ichiro can hit 3,000." McCarver said 2,000. Half-mark it.

9:32 — Ichiro fans the ball to right field for an elegant base hit.

9:30 — Theory. "Step Brothers" is merely the remastered deleted scenes from Will Ferrell's cameo in "Wedding Crashers." Discuss.

Middle 3rd Inning
0 0

9:29 — Hanley Ramirez grounds out. Wow, let me tell you, this may not be interesting baseball, but by Jove every inning like this means another 5 minutes of sleep I get tonight.

9:28 — The fuck? How did McCarver know what museum Yogi Berra went to?

9:26 — Soto flies out too, then nimbly avoids Manny Ramirez's carrot-baited box trap. Did I mention John Lackey is pitching? John Lackey is pitching. Tough break for Cliff Lee, he gets the no decision.

9:25 — Kosuke Fukudome his a ground ball, and the end result is nothing like MXC. One out.

9:23 — Yogi Berra joins Buck and McCarver in the booth. Why is Berra on the same eye level as the other two? He must be sitting on either three phone books or Don Zimmer.

9:22 — Larsen's perfect game. Marky mark.

End 2nd Inning
0 0
9:19 — Dustin Pedroia's fly lands in center field. Instead of 18 little kids bumping into each other fighting for the ball, a major league centerfielder is there to catch it. Interesting move by Clint Hurdle. Then again, it's easier to write in Fukudome than it is to platoon a dodectet of Mrs. Rayburn's third-grade class.

9:18 — Ben Sheets really, really wants to throw a lot of pitches. He walks Joe Mauer on a full count. Or maybe he just wanted to gaze into his eyes as long as he possibly could, without arousing suspicion.

9:15 — Bradley steals second. Stealing is a crime in all 50 states, so the umpires are conspiring to get him ejected for it. Tim McCarver prematurely declares it the first stolen base for the American League, then gets jabbed by the Statistican Scepter and is reminded that Jeter had on in the first inning. Maybe McCarver was thinking that Jeter didn't have a stolen base so much as he had a hustleclutch, which is a completely separate statistic.
9:14 — "Youk," "Boo" — at this point it all has to sound the same to Kevin Youkilis. You'd think at this point Youkilis would assume total strangers only know the long "o" sound and haven't evolved their lexicon too much.
9:13 — Milton Bradley, despite all attempts from the umpiring crew to call strikes, walks to first.

9:12 — Manny being 0-for-1.

9:11 — Joe Buck's apologizing for mispronouncing Justin Duchscherer. While you're at it, Joe, my friends and I have a list of other things we'd like you to retract.

9:09 — Oh, what levity! Instead of a baseball bat, Manny Ramirez is going to swing using a coat rack. How original! We should all play baseball more like him.

Middle 2nd Inning
0 0

9:06 — Ryan Braun, showing he didn't exercise while hunting animals, strikes out to end the inning.
9:04 — A single back up designated hitter base (hey, just goin' by the pre-game choreography here) for Chipper Jones. Matt Holliday grounds out weakly, sacradvancing Jones up a base.
9:03 — Cliff Lee would exercise while deer hunting. Don't worry, he did pull-ups on a lion's tail so as to remain blended in with the environment.

9:02 — A first pitch strike to Pujols. Well, Lee's in a jam out there. Warm up John Lackey!

End 1st Inning
0 0
8:59 — Geovany Soto handles the foul pop for the third out, then slips on Manny Ramirez's warm-up bat. Oh, what a free spirit, that Manny! Always leavin' stuff in places.

8:57:30 — Hamilton K's. A moral victory for atheists everywhere.
8:57 — Then he swipes second while Ben Sheets was preoccupied with Josh Hamilton and the Home Run Derby.
8:56 — And Derek Jeter, the man who by all baseball algorithms shouldn't be in this, lines to second base and mystiques Chase Utley, who can't come up with it. Base hit for Jeter.

8:54 — Ichiro steps up against Ben Sheets and はえ右翼に.

Middle 1st Inning
0 0

8:51 — Lee induces Lance Berkman to fly to center. Now if this goes like every other Cliff Lee-started game, watch his team not score any runs until the 7th.

8:50 — Cliff Lee, the redemption story that didn't result in tattoos, strikes out Ramirez and Chase Utley rather quickly.

8:47 — Holy crap a major league fastball pitch. Did Cliff Lee throw it to Hanley Ramirez so he could foul tip it and deflect it to another baseball legend? Donnie? Don Mattingly, you're nowhere near where the ball landed. Could it be ... ah, this is the "game" portion of the All-Star Game festivities. I don't have that in my program anywhere.

8:42 — And the award for the worst voice dubbing in commercial history ... Bob Melvin and Taco Bell! Congratulations, Bob Melvin and Taco Bell.
8:41 — Putting this in perspective, I could have watched three-and-a-half full episodes of Robot Chicken and not have missed anything.

8:40 — Tim McCarver breaks down the 3-4-5 hitters on the National League side. Which is great ... because by the 4th inning, they'll be pinch hit for.

8:36 — The combined results of the first pitches will be the starting count on Hanley Ramirez. Anything to speed this up.

8:34 — Big Stein is either weeping or leaking formaldehyde. I can't tell from here. We're gonna need a zoom-in.

8:32 — Is ... is that George Steinbrenner? I'm amazed that he is making a public appea... oh, wait, never mind, I can see the strings.

8:31 — Number of thrown pitches: 0. And it's not even a Mike Hampton scheduled start.

8:29 — An ad for Texas. "It's like a whole other country." I know! It's as if ... it used to be Mexico.

8:27 — Joe Buck: "The greatest collection of baseball All-Stars ever assembled on one field." Somebody hasn't seen my saved game from Baseball Mogul 2007.

8:26 — D'aww. Lookit the little dude. Yogi Berra comes up to yay here. This explains why he was such a prolific catcher. He didn't have to squat down.

8:22 — Josh Hamilton's introduced. "Wait ... I'm remembering more of my dream. I dreamt I was introduced by the son of a legendary broadcaster, I ran out to the Yankee Stadium outfield, and some old guy was there. Then ... then I was flying. I couldn't land. There were dancing pandas all around me. Then I woke up."

8:19 — Sort of an ... odd placement for the DHs to stand. Second base? Why not the batters box? Or the on-deck circle? Or on a platform raised above the pitcher's mound? Or via satellite at the home of Harold Baines? So many other good choices here.

8:15 — I sincerely hope the Hall of Famers have to stay on the field for the entire game. Manny Ramirez could use Willie McCovey's wheelchair to better steal second. What a character!

8:14 — UNNECESSARY PAN-ZOOM ON WHITEY FORD. On the plus side, his nostrils have never looked more svelte.
8:11 — National Anthem time. A practical question. Do we, the live bloggers, have to stand up and remove our hats? More pressing, do we have to put on pants?

8:06 — Those pre-game speeches reminded me to share this Jeff Passan column about Ichiro's legendary pre-game speeches filled to the brim with fuck-burgers and inspiration ("baseball’s amalgam of Anthony Robbins and George Carlin"). The American League is pretty convinced it's this speech that has caused the American League to win them all since 2001. For the National League, Jose Reyes' plan to invent a new handshake and not tell the other team hopes to be equally effective.

8:05 — Not nearly as much booing of the Red Sox as I'd have liked to see. Then again, only 15% of New York is hammered at this point.

Pre-Game Babble

I loved how Fox Sports's website said the game began at 7 p.m., while everyone else said the thing started at 8 p.m. That was Rupert Murdoch's sinister ploy to get me to watch taped coverage of the All-Star parade. Also, nice redneck touch by carrying some of the great Yankees of our time parade-style down a red carpet in ... pickup trucks.

Mark Grace interviewing Kosuke Fukudome in Japanese. Right there was the most awkward side-by-side I've seen in a while. Okay, second most awkward.

As for the game itself, any premonitions of this ol' showdown was probably paraphrased best by The Onion: "Game will determine if American League representative will win World Series at home or on the road."

A Tim Lincecum update: After his hospitalization from flu-like symptoms, he will not be at the game tonight. How diabolical of a Yankee Stadium sendoff would it be if Lincecum was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease?

And here's your Bingo card for the night.

That night, according to the Smoking Gun, America's home run derby almost-king punched in the windshield of a friend's truck, tore off its rearview mirror, and busted a baseball bat over his knee. (Brute strength or junkie strength?)

Unlike the cracked-out wizard sleeves he's so ashamed of, Hamilton was at least able to remove the two earrings. Was he into Color Me Badd or something?

But tonight, the world will be anxiously waiting for Hamilton to hit another home run, to save everyone's mortal soul in "Left Behind"-like fashion, and complete his heroic comeback without the Justin Morneau letdown ending. The more interesting subplot at the All-Star Game will be hearing the heartfelt welcome the Phillies' Chase Utley receives from the New York fans after he politely told them to fuck themselves last night.

Of course, once again, we have the most estimable member of the Live Blogerati, Matt Sussman, dutifully chronicling all the All-Star action and showing off the raw keystroke power the Lord gave him.

Be bold tonight, Deadspin readers, and mighty forces will come to your aid. Come back tomorrow. Please?

Josh Hamilton Mug [The Smoking Gun]

Anyway, Jon Heyman of SI breaks the news properly:

San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum was taken to a New York City hospital Tuesday afternoon after complaining of not feeling well, a Giants spokesperson said. That same spokesperson said Lincecum was dehydrated and had flu-like symptoms.

Lincecum is in New York for the All-Star Game, but began complaining before the red carpet ride through midtown Manhattan on Tuesday. The Game is tonight in the neighboring borough of the Bronx. Lincecum will be hydrated and monitored at the hospital.

Lincecum, a 24-year-old righty in his second major league season, last pitched on Sunday, going eight innings in Chicago and beating the Cubs to run his record to 11-2 with a 2.57 ERA and 135 strikeouts. This was his first All-Star Game.

More when it happens...on the ominous "flu-like symptoms."

Lincecum Hospitalized [SI]

Lincecum Out Of The All-Star Game? [Bay City Ball]

Lincecum Treated For Flu-Like Symptoms [ESPN]

Former Yankees' catcher Jim Leyritz, seen above, wobbling and ivehashjushacoupladrinksh-ing for Fort Lauderdale police before his DUI arrest last Dec. 28th is upset. That night Leyritz, 44, was involved in an accident with 30-year-old Plantation, Fla., native Freida Veitch. Veitch had a BAC of .18, but was killed in the accident. Leyritz is awaiting trial for DUI and manslaughter charges. Tragic and disturbing circumstances, of course, but what's also disturbing is Leyritz's pouting over the Yankees not making him feel welcome during the All-Star festivities.

Leyritz, who showed up this week not as a guest of the Yankees, says he "understands" why the organization wouldn't want him involved in the Old Timer's game or any other events, "But at the same time, yes, I am disappointed somewhat in not being able to be a part of it, because of the history that I have there."

Somebody's got a wacky sense of entitlement. Yes, Leyritz is technically not guilty for the time being, but did he drink away his tact that night in Florida as well? Don't show up, dude. And if you do show up, be prepared to answer questions about how you possibly killed a woman after getting hammered on your 44th birthday.

Oh, and if you, media member, would rather ask Jim about that whole manslaughter trial and not give him any ink about the Yankees' perceived mistreatment of him, he's handing out prepared statements from his attorneys about all that.

"Unfortunately, I am unable to comment about the specific facts of what took place that early morning; however, the testimony of the witnesses and other evidence produced to date fully support our defense," Leyritz said. Of course, he does.

Leyritz Returns To Yankee Stadium, But Not As A Guest [Sun-Sentinel]
Former World Series Hero Leyritz Says He's Been Shunned At Stadium [NY Daily News]

Jeff Allison, the 23-year-old pitcher buried in the Florida Marlins farm system is destined to hear the Josh Hamilton comparisons throughout the rest of his career. Like Hamilton, Allison was a highly-touted prospect, a high school pitching phenom, who's been featured in more fall-from-grace stories than positive ones in his disappointing, drug-addled career. Allison, now a pitcher for the Single-A Jupiter Hammerheads, is keeping a close eye on Hamilton during this All-Star game. It's all he's got, really.

In the five years he's struggled in the minor leagues, he's had plenty of "he's turned the corner" moments, only to quickly stumble off the wagon and return to hopelessness.

The Boston Herald contacted Allison on the phone last night before Hamilton jaw-dropped the world with his first round Derby performance, just to see what he was feeling. Hope, of course. And sadness. Amazingly, Allison and Hamilton have yet to meet.

Josh Hamilton was where I am now. And I know that when he was in my situation a couple of years ago, he had some motivation behind him. I know if I ever meet him, I’ll have a few questions for him. For now, I’m going to watch the All-Star Game and it’s going to mean a lot to me to see Josh Hamilton on the field. I remember last year, when he got a standing ovation when he got his first hit, and it meant so much to me. I choked a little bit. It brought chills down my spine.

It's highly unlikely that Allison will bounce-back from his heroin addiction and live up to his golden-armed promise of 2003. His unspectacular numbers in single-A this season don't have him on the fast-track to the bigs anytime soon, but that's not the only thing that's important to him right now. "If Josh Hamilton can make it, I can make it, " he told the Herald. You get the sense that he wasn't just talking about baseball with that statement.

Jeff Allison Finds Inspiration [Boston Herald]

'I'm Proof That Hope Is Never Lost' [ESPN]

• Chase's Four-Letter Fallout. It was a mistake on Utley's part and he knew it. But Chase is a good guy and good guys make amends. After the game, he set us straight, "I do want to apologize because it was definitely a poor choice of words. I really didn't mean anything by it. I was kind of just joking around with my buddy over there [Uggla], so again, I do want to apologize." [The 700 Level]

• Chase Utley Is An American Hero. One million bucks says that half of these rich yuppies don’t even know who Chase Utley is, with the other half ordering yagah bombs. Well Chase how do you feel after being booed? [The Fair Pole]

• Entering Josh Hamilton Over-Saturation. At some point you reach over-saturation with a story, and I’ve completely hit that point. I actually am starting to feel bad that Hamilton won’t ever be just an All-Star because his reputation consistently precedes him. Now you might be thinking at this point: Hey, the guy belted 28 home runs in the derby and was a freaking star, of course we’re going to be talking about him. Very true. But I actually developed this feeling even before the derby began, just hearing the hoards of talking heads on ESPN gush over the guy. I feel bad for Hamilton now because he’s getting so much attention, he’s probably sick of himself. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Rick Reilly Thinks There Are Too Many White People In The HR Derby. "This is like a Kiwanis Club meeting!" Karl Ravech could not have wanted to change topics more quickly. Priceless. [Real Clear Sports]

• Idiot Yanks Fans Welcome MLB Mascots To The Bronx. Not content yesterday to boo the Red Sox player who won the MVP award for the Futures Game, Yankee bleacher creatures turned their unemployed anger on the MLB mascots who were congregating behind the right-field wall. Our favorite chant: “Mister Met sucks,” while followed closely in second place by “you’re a loser.” [Busted Coverage]

• Fake Phillies Player Draws Crowd At Fanfest. Who is C. Yaeger, you ask? Well, he's the guy in the following video — just an average dude, who happens to enjoy going to every Phillies game dressed up like a ballplayer, head-to-toe. He could be easily confused for an actual ballplayer. But I can assure you, he is not. He works for a regional sports media company in Philly and never played ball beyond high school. However, kids at the FanFest, with their underdeveloped little brains and thirst for autographs, do not know all this. So you see where this is going. Here's a taste of the feeding frenzy that occurred around Yaeger. [The Sporting Blog]

That's apple-bottomed "Today Show" correspondent Maria Menounous all decked out in her finest Taco Bell All-Star Legends and Celebrity Softball game get-up presumably ducking from the unholy zephyr that has taken hold of Billy Baldwin's comb-over. This event will be seen tonight on ESPN after the Home Run Derby/Josh Hamilton lovefest.

And tonight,up-all-night Deadspin readers, you'll be able to follow all the homer-whackin' action as Live Blog specialist Matt Sussman will be taking you through each and every dinger, foul ball, ground ball, embarrassing whiff, and amusing shot of first time All-Star attendees enthusiastically Camcordering.

Seriously, Sussman is the absolute best in the business when it comes to live bloggery, so it'll be a thoroughly enjoyable read even if the Derby is not. Plus, we have him tomorrow night for all the hot American League-on-National League action that is the All-Star game at Yankee Stadium.

Enjoy tonight and embrace tomorrow unreservedly.

Thank you for your continued patronage.

Maria Menounos In Action [SI.com] [Via Hot Clicks]

Post photographer Larry Schwartzwald says that Jackson was on East 61st Street and Madison Avenue, negotiating with a painter named Peter Zonis, when he asked the artist, "Are you Jewish?" as the haggling persisted. Luckily for Schwartzwald, he had his video camera with him and decided to ask the former slugger and unwitting Queen Elizabeth assassin what exactly he meant by the exchange. "Are you Jewish, too?", Jackson responded to the lensman and then explained his remark this way:

Mr. October then explained that the artist was driving a hard bargain and said he asked the man if he was Jewish "because he's always working me."

Looks like Reggie might be forced to wear a Yankee yarmulke during the All-Star game festivities if this picks up any speed.

Swing And A Diss By Reggie [NY Post]

Make no mistake, the Times knows exactly what it's doing. It's only a matter of time before Bradley's famous temper spectacularly erupts, and the paper wants a front-row seat for all the excitement. Which is why they had to be a bit disappointed with the first effort; in which Bradley describes a game of dominoes with Eddie Guardado and Eric Hurley. What?

Ron Washington was standing over my shoulder talking trash like he always does and had everybody laughing hysterically when he asked me to come see him in his office for a minute. I dropped everything and headed to his office wondering: “What have I done now?”

Boooring. Although it's a testament to Bradley's body of work that he thinks he could be in trouble and not even know what he did. I respect that.

Despite the dull start, rest assured that I will be checking in with this blog daily.

Milton Bradley: 'What Have I Done Now?' [New York Times]

Yeah, you too can have a Kansas City Royals Statue of Liberty figurine. Don't like that one? (How could you not?) Well, try the Houston Astros

Or the Florida Marlins.

Or the Atlanta Braves.

You can see them all right here. We never realized just how freaking ugly baseball team colors were. Poor Lady Liberty; they've turned her into a doll that you'd find in the toolshed of that disturbed kid from Toy Story.

What, Do You Hate America Or Something? [Siberian Baseball]

While we assume this means the ridiculously named Citifield in Flushing will be hosting in 2011 — assuming, of course, alien captors with superior technology have not overrun our planet by then, harvesting our internal organs to produce the precious fuel their planet had dried up — we wonder whether or not the Yankees overload by then will have become so official and overwhelming that an All-Star Game will be too much to tolerate. Or, more to the point, if Rudy Guiliani, deep into his run against Sen. Barack Obama for the presidency, will throw out the first pitch.

Last Hurrah: Yankee Stadium To Host '08 All-Star Game [ESPN]
St. Louis Awarded 2009 All-Star Game [MLB.com]

And hopefully, the players will do a better job of voting than the fans. There are 16 starting spots up for grabs to be decided by fan voting, and 10 of the current leaders play in either Boston or New York. Among them, Paul Lo Duca and Robinson Cano. Jason Varitek currently holds a slight lead over Joe Mauer. Six of the eight AL spots are likely going to Yankees or Red Sox, and one of the other two guys, Ichiro, has an entire country voting for him. Getting the fans involved always sounds like such a good idea.

Drop in your predictions here, your hatred for undeserving guys, your votes of confidence for deserving guys who might not make it, and your general contempt and jealousy for either the Yankees, Red Sox, or both. And let's see if we can guess which Kansas City Royal is going to end up on a squad. I'm voting for Bret Saberhagen.