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Pink Bats, Red Faces; This One's For You, Mom
Here we go, writing about breasts again. Mother's Day was Sunday, and you know what that means: The pink bats were back. And while that's good for the fight against breast cancer, it was bad for the Cincinnati Reds, who just seemed to be horribly disoriented by the unfamiliar flashing colors. I suppose this happens from time to time in
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An Indian Offensive 'SPLOSION!
The Cavs victory wasn't the only thing Mistake by the Lakers celebrated yesterday while eagerly awaiting their next 23-cent pizza day. Grady Sizemore homered twice and drove in five runs to propel the Tribe to a 12-0 throttling of the Blue Jays. It's enough to get Indians fans off their ice cream helmet binges. The still-struggling Travis Hafner went 0-for-3 but he did get hit by a pitch. Just keep leaning into 'em like Roger Dorn, Pronk. Aaron Laffey pitched seven inning of scoreless ball to pick up his first win of the season. More »
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Papelbon's Control Goes On The Lam
Mike Lamb, he of the .213 average and no homers in 94 at-bats, was the latest to victimize the Red Sox closer, who has blown back-to-back saves. That leaves him one short of his mark through all of last season. Papelbon opened the 9th by allowing a single to Delmon Young, who advanced to third on a sacrifice and an uncontested steal. Paps then issued just his fourth walk of the season to Carlos Gomez before surrendering the game-winning hit to Lamb.
Suddenly Ian Kennedy don't look so bad: Kei Igawa made his much ballyhooed return to the Yankees rotation and ugly as it was, perhaps it came against the wrong team, as New York seems to be the only team the Tigers can beat with regularity this season. But, hey, he didn't walk anybody! Detroit improved to 4-0 against the Yanks this season despite Todd Jones doing what Todd Jones does and making things more interesting than they need to be in the 9th.
Lance Berkman is on a bit of a tear: That is, if you consider batting .750 over the last six games to qualify you for such a thing. Lance went 3-for-4 with a homer in the Astros 7-1 win over the Dodgers to bump up his NL-leading RBI total to 35. More »
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The Placement Of That Pitch Has Vexed Me, Sir. Now We Shall Wrestle
It's not really a classic baseball brawl until a tubby Don Zimmer is thrown to the turf, but this'll do. It happened on Thursday at Safeco Field: After the Rangers' Kason Gabbard tossed a fourth-inning delivery at the Mariners' Richie Sexson at face level, Sexson charged the mound and clocked Gabbard with his batting helmet. Benches emptied, and a pileup occurred near the mound. Then, as you've seen countless times in Zorro movies, Sexson crawled out from underneath the pile as everyone else continued fighting above. Here's the video. More »
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Look Who's Back, Giants' Fans!
Now back in your starting lineup, sporting an 0-7 record and a 6.95 ERA, only the third starting pitcher since 1956 to go 0-6 before May ... Barry Zito. Thank you. It was a good spot for Giants' manager Bruce Bochy to bring Zito back from the bullpen. Wednesday's opponent was the Pirates, featuring the pitching stylings of Phil Dumatrait, who came into the game with an 0-5 record in 17 career appearances. Surely Zito could win under those conditions. Pirates 3, Giants 1. Sigh. More »
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Guys And Dolls: Floyd, White Sox Back On Top
The inflatable sex doll community was shocked on Tuesday night when Chicago's Gavin Floyd once again lost a no-hitter in the late going; giving up a double to the Twins' Joe Mauer with one out in the ninth. (Inset: "Nooooo!"). Bobby Jenks came on to get the final two outs in the White Sox's 7-1 victory, which ended their six-game losing streak. More »
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Dice-K Takes That Sniffling, Sneezing, Aching, Coughing, Stuffy-head, Fever, So-You-Can-Still-Beat-The-Tigers Medicine
Yeah, well don't get too smug, Tigers' fans. Considering that you started the season 0-7, and you couldn't beat a wildly off-target Daisuke Matsuzaka on Monday, losing 6-3 — your fourth straight loss — I wouldn't be mocking the Lions too loudly. It may not be long before your fans are wearing paper bags on their heads. But I kid Tigers' fans. Um, Fire Millen? More »
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Who Is This Old Man In My Online Baseball Schedule?
So I'm perusing the Giants schedule on their MLB site and look what I see on May 22. Apparently we're all going to the movies! I expect to see ads on the periphery of my baseball schedule, but within the schedule itself? It's just one small step from that to Doritos ads on players' uniforms. (They're already doing that with Zito; they have to make back that money somehow). Apparently this Indiana Jones ad is appearing on every schedule in the majors. What the fungus is going on? More »
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Arizona Cannot Be Stopped
Brandon Webb didn't have his best performance of the year, but he can thank Augie Ojeda for helping him notch a seventh consecutive win. The Arizona reserve filled in mightily for the injured Orlando Hudson, driving in six of the runs in the 10-4 win over the Mets. Ojeda had three hits, including two that went for doubles. He also got on base in the seventh when Aaron Heilman drilled him in the leg for his trouble. More »
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Skip to My St. Lou'
Skip Schumaker lifted the Cardinals to a dramatic 11th inning victory over the Cubs with one of the night's two walk-off homers (video of the other one after the jump). The unlikely hero got just enough of Chad Fox's offering to send it over the wall for the 5-3 victory, and saving from Jason Isringhausen another loss. Izzy walked two, and gave up a home run to Alfonso Soriano. It was the third blown save of the season for the beleaguered• Brian Wilson wants to go back to bed. Pat Burrell played the hero role to critical acclaim with a huge home run in the bottom of the tenth inning. More »
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May Day! May Day! Detroit Is On Fire!
So May started out pretty well if you happen to live in the 3-1-3. Within the space of two hours, the Pistons dispatched the 76ers to go to Round Two of the NBA Playoffs, the Red Wings pummeled the Avalanche to sweep that series, and the Tigers ... well, the Tigers pulled off the greatest feat of all. Ramon Santiago temporarily transformed the term "utility infielder" into "Golden God," as his two-run triple helped the Tigers beat the Yankees 8-4. It was the crowning touch that sent D-town into a realm of ecstasy not seen since the orgasmatron scene in Sleeper. The victory completed the Tigers' first three-game sweep of the Yanks since 1966. Pitcher Larry Sherry, we salute you. More »
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Cliff Notes: Indians Say There's No Place Like Home
Cliff Lee and Progressive Field were both winners on Wednesday; although after the game one went out and celebrated, and the other spent the night covered with a tarp. Cleveland's stadium took the top spot in the Sports Illustrated fan survey for best Major League ballpark, and inspired by his home yard's impressive win — or perhaps just hopped up on caffeine — Lee went out and won his fifth straight start, 8-3 over the Mariners. Poor Seattle; their stadium only finished sixth. More »
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Well, So Much For A Cubs World Championship
I found this over at The Big Lead and couldn't stop laughing. Why would Sports Illustrated do this to the Cubs? Chicago is in first place in the NL Central, a game ahead of the Cardinals, just minding their own business and enjoying their place in the sun for once ... and then SI has to pummel them with their jinx bat? This is the sports equivalent of you stomping on the elaborate sand castle that your little brother had spent six hours constructing. The thing had a working drawbridge! Bastards. More »
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Breaking: Pirates Bobblehead May Be Giving Us The Finger
The Pirates and Mets were rained out on Monday, giving Pittsburgh fans a little extra time to pull their Tom Gorzelanny bobblehead dolls out of their boxes and examine them closely for the first time. Fans received the bobble on Saturday as the Pirates took on the Phillies at PNC Park. Examining the craftsmanship, we see that it certainly is a handsome item, and ... hey ... is he flipping us off? Hey! More »
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So Let Me Introduce To You, The One And Only Jimmy Shields ...
There's no way to sugarcoat this so I'm just going to say it: We live in a world where the Rays and the Marlins are both in first place. It's a world where James Shields outpitches Josh Beckett, where Sweet Caroline is played at Tropicana Field, and where Manny Ramirez is stealing bases. Me no like Bizarro World. Neither do the Red Sox, 3-0 losers to Tampa Bay on Sunday, which completed a three-game sweep. More »
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Kerwin Danley Takes His Umply Lumps
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Teddy Wins His First Presidents Race!
Only to get disqualified by Screech, the world's most useless mascot, for cutting a corner of the warning track. He was just following Cartman's advice! That's okay, because I found Frank Robinson sitting with me in the bleeds down the right field line. As for the game, the Nats jumped to a lead with a two-run homer by Nick "Yes, SexyBack is still my batting music" Johnson. The Nats' bullpen does what it do: issuing a bases loaded walk to tie the game at 3 in the 8th. Wil Nieves, using that extra energy he has from not having to carry around that second "L" in his name, ended it in the bottom of the 9th with a two-run walkoff. More »
