<![CDATA[Deadspin: mlb closer]]> http://tags.deadspin.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/deadspin.com.png <![CDATA[Deadspin: mlb closer]]> http://deadspin.com/tag/mlbcloser http://deadspin.com/tag/mlbcloser <![CDATA[MLB Closer: Brett Myers Is Your New Bicycle, Dice-K Baffles]]> &#8226; Phillies 8, Dodgers 5
Taking the advice of his marriage counseler, Brett Myers decided to get rid of his aggression on the field by making the Doyers his bitch. Myers pitched well enough to win, but did the real damage with his bat, to the tune of a 3-for-3 night with 3 RBIs. The wife can rest easy for the next few days until he runs out of stress balls. Shane Victorino added to the madness by plating 4 runs and making a stupendous catch in center field to end a threat in the 7th.

Manny Ramirez tried to make a game of it with a 3-run shot that barely cleared the wall, but the team ended up succumbing to the mighty Phillies bullpen, managing only a pair of hits in the final four innings. If you turned off your TV after the 4th inning, you didn’t miss much. The Dodgers take the series back to LA on Sunday, when Randy Newman will collect another $6 million in royalty checks for that shitty song.

In other news, everyone’s moms are dying! Charlie Manuel managed the game with a heavy heart after learning that his mom had died that morning, and hero Shane Victorino found out after the game that his grandmama kicked the bucket. Stay tuned to see which Phillies player is going to be the recipient of the dreaded Rule of Three.

&#8226; Red Sox 2, Rays 0
Dice-K didn’t look like he’d last long after a 1st inning that saw him walk the bases loaded in roughly 3,923 pitches, but from there the man was dominant, striking out 9 and holding the Rays hitless until a Carl Crawford single in the 7th. Buster Olney described Dice-K’s pitching as “rope-a-dope”, which seems just about right. A lesser reporter would call it “effectively wild”, but when one is Asian, one gets a bit more leniency that they’re being purposefully deceptive. Papelbon closed it out with a perfect inning and presumably did his goofy dance alone in the privacy of his hotel room.

On the Rays side of the game, not much happened. James Shields pitched well enough to win, but Carl Crawford gave the BoSox a gift run when a ball bounced off his mitt. Carlos Pena ended any threat of a comeback by deciding to take Joe Maddon up on his 3-0 green light signal in the 7th, popping into a weak fly ball.

As far as brawls go – this marks our greatest chance for a classic postseason fight, after all – there wasn’t much to get excited about. Grant Balfour hit J.D. Drew in the shoulder which caused Dustin Pedroia to go to the first step of the dugout and do his best Caveman impression, but besides that, peace prevailed.

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<![CDATA[Game 162: Win or Go Home (or Play Again Tomorrow)]]> &#8226; Mets 2, Marlins 0
Johan Santana pitched the gem that the New York faithful needed from him. It was an absolutely impressive complete game, three hit shutout. But man, was it bizarre to hear Mets Manager Jerry Manuel talk about the game afterward, "Wow, wow, wow, wow. I think if I had to describe that one, I’d say that was gangsta. That’s gangsta. That’s serious gangsta right there.” Gangsta? Serious gangsta? Really? The only thing that'd make that quote more strange is if Charlie Manuel had said it.

With the huge win yesterday, coupled with a Brewers loss, New York and Milwaukee now stand tied for the NL wild card spot. If both teams were to win or lose, they would play a one game playoff at Shea on Monday to determine who will get to hit the golf links a few weeks early.

&#8226; Cubs 7, Brewers 3
Things looked promising for the Brewers heading into the series with the Cubs with Lou Piniella sending out half his bench to start each game. But the banged up Ben Sheets couldn't find his stuff on Saturday and his arm is simply not there. Well, it's there, but it's busted. "I got a broke arm, I got a broke arm. It's not really broke, but it's all I had for the year. Things definitely don't look like they're on my side," Sheets said.

Despite heading down the home stretch in less than impressive fashion, the Brewers have to like their chances on Sunday when CC Sabathia takes the mound at Miller Park. Reports are that the Cubs will rest Zambrano.

&#8226; Indians 12, White Sox 6
&#8226; Royals 4, Twins 2
The AL Central appears to be the division that nobody wants to win. The Twins hold the edge over the White Sox due to their having one more win currently with Chicago having played one less game. The scenarios are a little more complex as to how this can all play out. At this point, I fully expect this to be undecided at close of business today.

&#8226; Phillies 4, Nationals 3
The drunken high of yesterday's win to clinch their second consecutive NL East title is wearing off as the Yuengling sweats set in this morning. But clinching yesterday as opposed to the final day of the season like last year is a huge plus for the Phils. Cole Hamels can take the day off and will be ready to go in game one of the NLDS on Wednesday. Shane Victorino will also get a much needed day off after a brutal collision in shallow center last night on an incredible basket catch by Jimmy Rollins.

Saturday,'s winning pitcher, Jamie Moyer, also started the final game of the 2007 regular season in which the Phils beat the Nats to clinch the NL East. Yesterday, at the age of 45, Moyer won his 16th game of the season.

Moyer had this to say after the game, "We dream about this game. You dream about it as a kid. You're 45, and you still dream."

The dream is not over.

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<![CDATA[Tampa Bay Rays Win AL East in Fitting Fashion]]> &#8226; Tigers 6, Rays 4
The Rays lost to the Tigers last night but that didn't prevent fans on Main Street in Tampa from celebrating. With the Yankees putting up 19 runs to beat the Red Sox at Fenway, Tampa Bay clinched their first ever American League East crown. One more time: The Tampa Bay Rays are the American League East Champions.

Of course, Boston and New York had to spoil the celebration with rain delays at Fenway, forcing the Rays to wait until early Saturday morning to rock the goggles. The geriatric fans in Florida who wanted to get rowdy were not happy to be kept up past their bed time.

&#8226; Yankees 19, Red Sox 8
Derek Jeter left the game because he had a sore hand and may have broken a nail. Cody Ransom, his replacement, belted two home runs and finished three for three with three runs scored. After the game, he and Johnny Damon had a threesome with Shonda Schilling.

&#8226; Indians 11, White Sox 8
Ozzie Guillen is no longer mad. He just laughs at you, John Danks.

&#8226; Brewers 5, Cubs 1
With a one game lead over the Mets in the NL Wild Card race, Milwaukee now controls their own fate and turns to Ben Sheets today.

&#8226; Marlins 6, Mets 1
New York's late season suckitude continues. Manager Jerry Manuel's post-game quote sounds awfully familiar, "We really, really have put ourselves in a tough spot. We're the only ones to blame. We had opportunities and we didn't get it done." Of course you didn't.

With their backs to the wall today, the Mets will start Johan Santana after just three days rest and coming off a 125 pitch outing. Aaron Heilman promises to fuck it up.

&#8226; Phillies 8, Nationals 4
Ryan Howard continues to make his case to keep the NL MVP trophy in Philadelphia. Howard bashed his 48th HR of the season in the first inning giving the Phillies a 3-0 lead they never looked back from. Average Joe Blanton pitched well enough to notch the W and put the Phillies magic number at one. A Grandpa Moyer win today would not only clinch the division but also allow Cole Hamels to avoid pitching Sunday on short rest, thus setting him up as the NLDS opening game starter. I'd like that.

While Antawn Jamison Daulerio was ready to jump off the bandwagon last night, Sarah Palin borrowed his jacket for the evening.

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<![CDATA[October in Tampa]]>

• For the first time in franchise history, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are Playoff-bound. Back in Spring Training, everyone laughed when starter Scott Kazmir said his Rays were going to the dance. After all, the team had finished in last place the previous season. Well, who's laughing now?

“I knew we had something here. I knew we had the depth. I knew we had the pitching,” Kazmir, drenched in champagne and beer, said. “I knew we had everything. We just had to put it together, and we did.”

"This is amazing, man. This is really amazing," Carlos Pena said. "This is what you play for. To think that so many people go their entire careers and never experience anything like this - I'm so appreciative."

Good times.

• The Chicago Cubs are also going to the postseason this year, after winning their second straight division title. For the first time in a century, Chicago's favorite baseball team (sorry, Sox) is going to be playing in the Playoffs in back-to-back seasons. Which can only mean one thing: Let the curse talk begin already.

• It's the Phillies' turn to momentarily hold the lead in the NL East. The Mets fell half a game back in the standings last night, with Philly taking down the Marlins in a tight, one-run game. Relief pitcher Brad Lidge knows what the key to victory was:

“The bullpen as a whole was outstanding,” Lidge said. “I’m a little biased, but I think that’s what won the game tonight.”

• In the penultimate game for their historic ballpark, the Yankees pulled out a 1-0 win over the Orioles. Robinson Cano's RBI single in the bottom of the ninth was the difference, but the big story was an injury to Derek Jeter's hand after he got hit by a pitch.

Jeter was forced to leave the game, but you can probably guess as to what his status is for tonight's grand finale.

“I don’t need to ask,” manager Joe Girardi said. “It’s not broken. It’s sore.”

So, there's that.

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<![CDATA[Zambrano's Occupied Mind, the Mets Un-Collapse, and We Go Brawlin']]>

• Carlos's previous outing ended in spectacular glory; this one not so much. Zambrano, having flown back from Venezuela after the passing of his grandmother earlier in the week, was shellacked by the Cards to the tune of eight runs and six hits. He didn't make it past the second inning, and the Cubs went down 12-6. The Wrigley faithful will have to wait a wee bit longer to celebrate their team's division title.

The emotional Zambrano had a somewhat testy exchange with his manager when he got yanked from the game, but seemed to have realized the error of his ways when the talking to the press afterward: “That was stupid,” Zambrano said. “I have too (many) things on my mind. I apologize to Lou.”

• Don't look now but the NY Mets are on a three-game winning streak and have regained the lead in the NL East, thanks in part to the Phillies' loss against the Marlins. Also, with the Brew Crew continuing their September slide, this time falling on their face against Cincinnati, the Mets also won a coin flip to decide who'd get to host the heart-wrenching event that is otherwise known as the wild card tiebraker game should it be needed.

• Fists flew in Cleveland, as a brawl broke out in the seventh inning between the Indians and Tigers. The fun began when Fausto Carmona hit Gary Sheffield in the elbow with a pitch. Sheffield, though, didn't charge the pitcher until Carmona tried to pick him off at first base. Things did not end well for Sheff (who was among those ejected from the contest), as Carmona got him in a headlock and went Nolan Ryan on his bald dome.

When the dust cleared, Jamey Carroll hit a game-winning single for the Indians.

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<![CDATA[Ike Wreaks Havoc With Baseball Playoff Races, Scheduling]]> The NFL isn’t the only league effected by that bastard Ike as the Astros and Major League Baseball have agreed to move two of Houston’s canceled home games that were scheduled against the Cubs this weekend to a “neutral” site in Milwaukee. Eddie Wade’s Astros have been on fire over the past three weeks but this turn of events may finally cool them off. Not only does Houston have to deal with a major catastrophe but to pile it on a bit more they have to play as the “home” team less than a 90 minute drive from Chicago.

Baseball obviously takes a distant second to more serious issues but in terms of making the Astros road to the playoffs much more challenging, this change of events could really hurt their chances.

While the Cubs had a typical three game weekend series scheduled in Houston, they will play one of those games on Sunday evening and another on Monday afternoon. The third game will be played, if needed to determine a playoff spot, on September 29th.

One interesting fact about the games being moved to Miller Park in Milwaukee is that the upper deck and bleachers sections will be closed to fans. The only effect that will have on the game is to mimic the vibe of some place a little more sunny, like say Tampa Bay.

Are the Brewers the New Mets?

Milwaukee, who looked to be cruising into the post season just a few short weeks ago, has dropped 9 of 12 including yesterday’s loss at the hands of the Phillies ace Cole Hamels.

The Phillies got things going early on Saturday and scored 5 runs in the first two innings following the lead off hits by Jimmy Rollins in both frames. Ryan Howard says what all of Philadelphia knows, "Jimmy's the catalyst. When he goes, we go.”

Inclement weather has also set up the Phillies and Brewers to play two games today at Citizens Bank Park with the Brewers sitting two ahead in the NL wild card hunt. Two Phillies wins today would put the Fightins in a tie with the floundering Brew Crew.

If J-Roll can find a groove over the next two weeks, the Phillies are in the playoffs.

I’ve Got a Splitting Head Ache This Morning

There were all sorts of double headers yesterday with Boston-Toronto splitting a pair as well as the Yankess-Rays and the Mets-Braves. The second Mets loss was particularly enjoyable because it came in a game started by Johan Santana. New York’s bullpen must hate that guy and we love them for it.

Surging Twins

While the White Sox sat idle due to the weather, Minnesota went out and took two from the O’s to move into a tie with Chicago atop the Central. Baltimore, who has lost 17 of 20, was hoping the rest of their season could get rained out.

Fading Diamonds

Arizona lost in extra innings last night after the Reds managed to come from behind earlier in the game. To rub a little more salt in the wound, it was former Diamondback Micah Owings, the “player to be named later” in the Adam Dunn deal, who drove in the winning run for Cincinnati.

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<![CDATA[MLB Closer: Okay, Lord... Me and You, Right?]]>

Six games didn't get off the ground without the assistance of rising tides today, thanks to enough moisture across these United States to make you think Tammy Faye Bakker herself had been disinterred by her own post-mortem weeping. Division races from the AL Central to the NL Central (oh, and the NL East, too) shut down for a forced sabbatical. Hopes stay strong that Friday's tilts can be squeegeed off in time for use Saturday or Sunday, but we may be looking at a lot of 160- and 161-game seasons when all has been totaled.

&#8226; Have You Looked in the Bottom of that Ark?: When they did bother to play last night, they didn't bother to play well. Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Boston, and Texas took St. Louis, Kansas City, Toronto, and Oakland behind the metropolitan woodshed last night for blowout beatdowns. Apparently, everyone would have rather been in Milwaukee last night. Can't say that often.

&#8226; Noah, How Long Can You Tread Water?: When they did battle for a division crown, they did so to a standstill. The Dodgers took out mile high flood insurance with three runs in the ninth for a 7-2 win in Denver. James Loney sent three men home without supper and Chad Billingsley did his darnedest to create separation in our minds from the A Christmas Story kid with a decent pitching effort in the thin air. However, we're sure someone very old turned in a very clutch performance by handing out Gatorade between innings or some such. Go old people!

The Diamondbacks managed to ding the 20th win of Brandon Webb's year with a 3-2 victory in Phoenix over the Reds despite trying every last possible trick in the Good Book to throw the game away in the top of the ninth. (Except rain. They didn't think of rain. You're not going to believe this, but there haven't been too many rainouts for the Diamondbacks this year. Relatively few.) They stay 3.5 back in the West.

&#8226; Let It Rain for Forty Days and Forty Nights and Wait for the Sewers to Back Up: Your magic numbers are 0, 11, 11, 13, 14, 16.

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<![CDATA[MLB Closer: Grand Slams, Extra Innings and Joe Torre]]> Toronto catcher Gregg Zaun hit a game winning Grand Slam in extra innings to shut down Tampa and cut the Rays' lead in the division to two games. The Blue Jays' Lyle Overbay had a pair of solo home-runs during regular play, but the Rays tied the game up in the ninth with a three-run inning. Zaun's game winner came after an exhausting round of extra innings, bringing the game to a close in the 13th.

"If I hit it anywhere else it's a game-ending flyball," Zaun said of his shot into the right-field bullpen. "I got it far enough down the line, it got over and they all count. It was a big moment. That was a lot of fun."

Fun indeed. The Rays, who have only won one in five games so far this September, could see their lead slip even more to the Red Sox with another loss in today's game.

&#8226; With their win over the Diamondbacks yesterday the Dodgers took over first place in the NL West, routing Arizona 7-2. Manny Ramirez, looking comfortable in blue, put on a show with a three-run homer and a two-run double to put LA in position to take over the division lead. Arizona, who have held or shared first place since April 5, have struggled through the last 12 games, dropping nine of them. Said Joe Torre of the win:

"It doesn't count until the last game of the season. A week ago yesterday, we were five games out in the loss column. We've come a long way in a short time."

So true, Joe. So true.

&#8226; Jim Thome hit a walkoff shot in the 15th inning to bring victory to the White Sox in their 7-6 win over the Angels and extend their lead in the AL Central. The Sox now have a 2 1/2 game lead on Minnesota in the division while, despite the loss, the Angels maintain a commanding 16 game league in the AL West. Wow, 16 games is just ridiculous. The clash of the titans comes to a close with today's final game of the series.

&#8226; The Phillies/Mets match-up was held off by bad weather yesterday, forcing a day/night doubleheader today in New York. It will be Cy Young day at Shea with Pedro Martinez pitching the early game and Johan Santana in the second.

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<![CDATA[MLB Closer: Mike Schmidt Knows How To Motivate a Team]]> Before last night's match-up between the Mets and the Phllies, Mike Schmidt had some words for his former team.

“One pitch, one at bat, one play, one situation, think ’small’ and ’big’ things result, tough at-bats, lots of walks, stay up the middle with men on base, whatever it takes to ’keep the line moving’ on offense, 27 outs on defense, the Mets know you’re better than they are,” Schmidt said in an email to team manager Charlie Manuel.

It seems to have worked as the Phillies came away from the game with a 3-0 win, pulling themselves within two games of the division leading Mets. The bats were relatively quiet, aside from a two-run homer by Greg Dobbs, and the star of the game was Phillies pitcher Brett Myers. Myers managed to leave the game with an impressive 10 strikeouts in 118 pitches.

When told of the pre-game pep email from Schmidt, Mets reliever Billy Wagner was not impressed, having only this to say: “Did Gary Carter send us one?”

Twins/Tigers:
Minnesota put a hurting on the Tigers in a 10-2 romp that featured a Justin Morneau grand slam. Delmon Young joined the fun with a homerun and an RBI double while Liriano pitched a season-high nine strikeouts.

Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga had a season-high of his own, walking six batters. The Twins stand at 1.5 behind in the division while the Tigers are licking their paws 12.5 games back.

Diamondbacks/Dodgers: The Dodgers routed the D-backs 7-0, cutting Arizona's lead in the NL West to only half a game. LA's' Andre Ethier went an incredible 5 for 5 with 5 RBI's, who according to my google searching, is only the fifth player in Dodger history to have five hits and RBI's in a game. Dodgers pitcher Derek Lowe shout out Arizona, holding them to only two runs and forcing them to continue a major losing slide. The Dodgers, who were 4 1/2 games back and on an 8 game losing streak a week ago, could pull ahead of the D-backs with a win today. What else would you expect from a Torre team?

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<![CDATA[A Tale of Two Bullpens]]> &#8226;Back Away From the Ledge, Mets Fans: In all fairness, you can't expect a major league bullpen to hold a one-run lead for almost three whole innings. The Mets relievers wasted another strong performance by starter Mike Pelfrey, as Aaron Heilman walked in the game-winning run in the bottom of the ninth to hand the two-time World Series Champion Marlins a 4-3 victory. In other walkoff walk news, the Nats beat the Braves in the tenth in the same anticlimactic fashion. Boy, treadmill shrimp earned his plankton last night.

&#8226;Huddle 'Round the Lidge, Phils Fans: In all fairness, you can't expect a team to score three runs in just two innings against a major league bullpen. Phils reliever J.C. Romero struck out the side and left the bases loaded in the eighth, as the Phillies closed the gap in the NL East to one with a big 5-2 win over the Cubs. Brad Lidge is now a perfect 32-for-32 in save opportunites, and the Cubs winning streak was snapped at seven. Jayson Werth homered twice and Ryan Howard belted his 37th in the win.

&#8226;Why Can't You Be More Like Brad Lidge?: It was all about the bullpen yesterday. Twins closer Joe Nathan's throwing error in the bottom of the ninth allowed both the tying and winning run to score as the A's topped the Twins 3-2. The Twins literally threw away an opportunity to move into first in the AL Central, as Boston beat the White Sox 8-2.

&#8226; This Is Why He Makes the Big Bucks, Folks: In a game with no, I repeat, NO playoff implications, the Jays beat the Yankees 7-6. So why bother with the recap? Because A-Rod hit into a rally-killing double play in the bottom of the ninth, that's why. It's what the man does. Rodriguez has 80 RBIs this season. Exactly one of them has come in the ninth inning.

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<![CDATA[Mets Solidify Position for Upcoming September Collapse]]> Forgive New York fans for celebrating just a bit harder than usual last night. After all, they are coming off a big win on the last Friday before the month-that-shall-not-be-named. Carlos Beltran's dramatic grand slam put his team up by three on the Marlins heading into the bottom of the ninth. The Mets bullpen then shut the door in characteristic fashion...which is to say they allowed four hits and two runs before stranding the winning run at second. The W increased New York's lead in the NL East to two, because...

&#8226 Keep the Change, Barack ...earlier in the day, the Phillies dropped a 3-2 decision to what I presume is John McCain's favourite Chicago team. Alfonso Soriano homered in the bottom of the seventh to grab the lead and, in true Don Henley fashion, the Cubs didn't look back (you can never look back). Philly fans will be complaining today about a blown call at first that killed a potential seventh-inning rally, but I couldn't find anything about this in the box score.

&#8226 Won't Someone Put an End to this Small-Market on Small-Market Violence? Wild card? What wild card? The Twins thrashed Oakland 12-2 to inch within a half-game of the AL Central-leading White Sox, who put up a timely goose egg in an 8-0 loss to the Boston Other Sox. Minnesota's J.M. Twins (trademark pending) combined for nine hits, five RBIs, three runs scored, 22,000 tickets sold and one cat saved from a tree. They then jointly adopted the cat, whom they christened "Johan Santana".

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<![CDATA[MLB Closer: Do Not Taunt Surly Third-Place Kitty]]> Zach Miner of Los Tigres Detroit committed regicide on the monarchs from Missouri, allowing only three singles in seven innings on the way to a 4-0 victory in Kansas City last night. How could he get away with such domination on a major league franchise while only striking out three? How could he know he would get away with allowing so much bat-on-ball violence without much damage? Let's look at the Royals lineup... Mike Aviles is the best hitter in the lineup? By, like, a lot? Sweet baby Rany. Let's move on.

On the other hand, we have warts: When Jesse Litsch commits roughly the same act against the Red Sox, though, it's somewhat more impressive. Six innings of three-hit ball and four outs by dodging wood disappears, though, in the throttling of young Mr. Lester of the cancer-defeating Lesters. Toronto wins 11-0 on the strength of two Vernon Wells home runs. By the way, those two shots allowed Wells to take the team lead in homers with... uhm, 12. Yeah. We're walking; we're moving; we're not stopping.

Cats and dogs living together; mass hysteria!: Carl Pavano and Barry Zito won decisions last night. If Mike Hampton had pitched last night as well, the world may well have been torn asunder. Hug your kids this morning. If you don't have kids, hug someone else's. (Ask first.)

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<![CDATA[This Could Be It For Tom Glavine]]>

Tom Glavine is out for the season. Dude tore up some ligaments in his elbow and says he won't come back if he has to get that ligament completely replaced. The 42-year-old went back to the Braves, turning down more money from the Mets to play where he had kept his offseason home. But he hasn't played well this year; he's 2-4 with a 5.54 ERA in 13 games, and it might be time for that tryout with the Thrashers that he's always wanted.

Ken Griffey, Jr. has yet to stifle the hopes and dreams of the Chicago White Sox, who still share a lead in the AL Central. Most people remember the pennant-racing that the Mariners enjoyed after Griffey left Seattle, and one can't help but wonder if Junior, who was given away by Cincinnati for pennies on the dollar, will fit into a clubhouse not concerned with bending to his frivolous wishes. But so far, so good for the Sox, actually, as they beat Oakland in Saturday action, 2-1. The Sox share the division lead with Minnesota.

Roy Halladay pitched a complete game for the Blue Jays, his eigth, as Toronto rolled past Boston Saturday night, 4-1. He's now 10-4 in his last 16 starts, and the object of affection to women everywhere.

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<![CDATA[Daryle Ward Will Eat Your Children In Broad Daylight]]> The Chicago Cubs have just won their ninth straight game. In related news, Hell has frozen over, pigs are flying, gas is now 75 cents a gallon, and Andy Dick just had sex with a girl. This wild chain reaction began when Ward, in the midst of an 0-for-13 slump, hit a three-run homer in the ninth to power the visiting Cubs past the Marlins, 6-5. Too bad nobody was there to see it.

Also, Peter Gammons has been discussing some MVP candidates on his Insider Blog, which is currently free for some reason. One of the more unusual candidates IS rookie catcher Geovany Soto, who has 18 home runs and one mediocre goatee.

And my domestic partners at Walkoff Walk pointed out this guy who can't seem to name the Gwinnett Braves new mascot. You can check it out here, but it's basically your stock chipmunk humanoid wearing a baseball cap and glove. Why the fuck are people dressing animals like people? I'd rather name a mascot in his natural habitat; lying dead on the side of the road, for example.

Cubs 6, Marlins 5 [Worldwide Leader]
Peter Gammons on ESPN Insider [Land Of Sports Whoredom]
Geovany Soto player profile [ESPN]
Help Uncreative Ad Execs Name This Anthropomorphic Rodent [Walkoff Walk]
Daryle Ward [image credit]

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<![CDATA[Contreras Injury a Blow To Chicago]]> It was the Sox Bowl Part II as the Red ones took on the White ones. And you know what happens when you put Red Sox in the mix with White Sox (besides all your shit turning pink). You get some pretty good baseball. Big Papi busted his slump with a three-rub double off the wall in Boston's 6-2 win over Chicago and helped topple the White Sox from first place in AL Central division. The unintentional comedy came when Ortiz thought his shot went yard:

"Oh yeah, oh yeah," said Ortiz. "Papi knows when the ball is gone, but I guess Mother Nature doesn't want me to hit it out tonight. The wind was blowing really hard tonight."

White Sox pitcher Contreras fell to the ground in the second inning after attempting to cover first. The official word is that he's out for nine months. Dice-K got his 13th win of the season while Boone Logan took the loss and probably a ticket back to the minors. The series stands split with the rubber match later today.

• Astros' longballer Carlos Lee is out 6-8 weeks after getting hit by a pitch in Houston's 3-1 win over Cincinnati. Lee has 28 home runs this season and leads the league in RBI's with 100. Lee is on the 15 day for now with a broken pinky.

• The Twins have found themselves in first place, following an outstanding outing by Liriano and a late game offensive surge by the Twins. Their 7-3 win over the Royals included a 5 run sixth inning following a two run homer by Delmon Young in the second. The Twins were able to take first place in the division after the White Sox loss to Boston.

• Things turned ugly when Phillies manager Charlie Manuel headed out to the mound to pull Brett Myers from the game. After having words on the field, the two continued to quarrel nose to nose in the dugout. Myers had a stellar game before that, allowing only one run and five hits in just over seven innings. The Phillies went on to win 4-2 and Manuel and Myers kissed and made up after the game.

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<![CDATA[Jim Edmonds Jogs La Russa's Memory]]> Cubs outfielder Jim Edmonds has gotten past the drama of being traded from the Cardinals in the offseason. Or maybe not. After refusing to discuss his former manager, Tony La Russa, with the media, Edmonds proceeded to go two for four, both hits going yard in a 3-2 win over his ex-team. The game stretched to a tedious eleven innings with Cubs reliever Bob Howry getting the win. The loss was handed to the Cardinals Ryan Franklin with a bases loaded single by Henry Blanco to bring in the winning run.

If La Russa shared Edmonds' memory loss before the game, you can be sure he remembers him now. The Cubs maintain an easy lead in the National League as the Cardinals sit seven games behind in the NL Central. The series continues this afternoon with Wellemeyer and Zambrano facing off on the mound. If anyone needs Will, he'll be at the bar drunk on wine coolers and crying in the fetal position.

• CC Sabathia pitched another complete game, his fourth since being traded to Milwaukee. Sabathia, who is unbeaten in seven starts with his new team, tossed a shutout in the Brewers 5-0 trouncing of the Nationals. Prince Fielder extended his hitting streak to eleven games with a single in the first inning and both Mike Cameron and J.J. Hardy went long for a combined three runs. The Brewers are chasing the Cubs in the NL Central while the Nationals are chasing their tails.

• Toriiiii Hunter and the Angels handed the Yankees a pounding in their 10-5 victory over New York. Hunter went 4 for 5, with a double and a home run in a big "Welcome Back" for the Yanks pitcher Ian Kennedy. Kennedy, who made it to the third inning before getting pulled from the mound, rejoined the team after Joba Chamberlain's trip to the DL. The Angels remain the best team in baseball while the Yankees remain screwed.

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<![CDATA[MLB Closer: Brewers Win, Fat People Hug it Out]]>

C.C. is perfect: So far, in a Milwaukee Brewers uni, Sabathia is 5-0. Last night, he rumbled into Turner Field and emerged with a 4-2 victory over the Braves. In case you couldn't sift through the blubber above, that's Prince Fielder and C.C. Sabathia sharing a joyous moment following their win over Atlanta.

Manny sees ball, Manny crushes ball: Ramirez launched his first homerun in a Dodger uniform, a towering shot to left-center field. L.A. then proceeded to take down Arizona 4-2, behind the arm of Hiroki Kuroda (6-8).

Ontario > Texas: OK, not really, but the Blue Jays did beat the Rangers 6-4 yesterday. The win moved Toronto to .500.

Mike Mussina doesn't believe in angels: Moose clipped the wings of the last 17 Anaheim batters he faced, going strong for seven innings to earn the 8-2 victory. Mussina talked after the game about his working relationship with catcher Jose Molina: “It’s almost like we’ve been buddies for 15 years,” Mussina said. “We don’t need to sit down … We make up a game plan after we’ve started.”

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<![CDATA[MLB Closer: Manny Makes His Dodger Debut]]> Manny Ramirez unveiled his "Manny-ness" (he wore the number 99) to his new fans in Los Angeles last night, but things didn't exactly go according to plan.

With the Dodgers down by a run and with a man on base, Ramirez came up in the bottom of the ninth with a chance to add to his resume of late-game heroics. Diamondbacks reliever Brandon Lyon, however, got the newly-traded slugger to weakly ground out into a double-play and Arizona hung for the win. Said the winning pitcher, Randy Johnson: “That’s a storybook ending right there—Manny getting traded here and coming up (representing) the winning run. But Brandon made some quality pitches and got the double play. He’s done his job pretty well all year.”

Jason Bay Quickly Earns Fenway Faithful's Love: Unlike the man he was traded for, Bay's debut in Boston went exactly according to plan, as he scored the winning run in the 12th inning to push the Red Sox past Oakland. Jason also had himself a triple, and received a standing ovation from the Beantowners. Tampa Bay was able to maintain its three-game lead in the AL East over Boston, as they took care of the Tigers at home.

The Kid Comes to the Southside: A nervous Ken Griffey Jr. - he hadn't eaten in about a day - showed up for his first day of work as a member of the Chicago White Sox, and collected two RBI's as Chicago beat Kansas City 4-2. Griffey also nearly hit one out of the park, but gravity had other ideas.

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<![CDATA[The Brewers Pull Even With The Cubs]]> Ryan Braun did most of the heavy lifting, but once again it was Bill Hall providing the winning hit. Hall's RBI single in the eight inning put the Brewers out in front of the Astros who ultimately fell 6-4. Eric Gagne picked up the win in relief before Salomon Torres closed the door in the ninth for the save. The Cubs and Brewers now sit tied atop the Central standings with the two set to meet for a crucial four game series in Milwaukee starting tomorrow.

• Tim Lincecum matched Brandon Webb pitch-for-pitch in a match-up of two of the NL's most dynamic aces, but in the end it was Webb picking up his league leading 14th win of the season. Lincecum's 13 strikeouts went to waste when Tyler Walker was belted for three runs.

• Carl Crawford's two triples lifted the first place Rays to another win over the lowly Royals, maintaining their three-game lead in the AL East. Boston sits two games behind Tampa with the surging Yankees three back. Troy Percival gave up a run in the ninth inning, but he was able to hold on from there for his 22nd save.

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<![CDATA[Joba Rules Fenway]]> The Yankees came into Boston on a six-game winning streak and in the end Mariano Rivera kept it alive. Joba Chamberlain dominated the Red Sox lineup for seven shutout innings, striking out nine while allowing just three hits. Kyle Farnsworth did his best to fuck things up in the eighth when he gave up a pair of quick hits before being pulled in favor of Rivera. The closer came on for the five-out save, inducing a pop-up from David Ortiz and striking out three batters, including the game's final two. Jason Giambi's infield single produced the game's only run, scoring Bobby Abreu from third base in the third inning off of Josh Beckett.

The Yankees are now three games back in the AL East (2 behind the Red Sox), and now they've filled the two biggest holes on their team. Outfielder Xavier Nady will provide a huge boost to the lineup and Damaso Marte is the perfect addition to keep Farnsworth off the mound. The 33 year-old lefty has never had an ERA over 3.77 in his seven full seasons.

Dye's Blast Is the Difference. Jermaine Dye's 22nd home run of the year was a two-run shot off of Todd Jones with two outs in the ninth inning. Bobby Jenks shut down the Tigers in the bottom half of the inning, and the Sox escaped with a 6-5 win over the Tigers. Chicago has now won three straight and Ozzie Guillen is starting to run out of reasons to be all pissed off.

Speaking of the AL Central... The Twins dropped to three and a half games behind the White Sox after losing their fifth game in a row. Minnesota made it close with two ninth inning runs of their own, but they fell short by a score of 5-4. Cliff Lee improved to a preposterous 14-2, the highest win total in the majors. The All-Star starter truly earned the victory striking out 10 in eight innings of two-run ball.

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