Not only did he ghostwrite the MLB.com recap of his own article, but he got the win, hit a homer, and perhaps used some ancient warlock magic to cause Albert Pujols to bobble a ground ball. Ah, the Phoenician stumblus-wumblus incantation. My one weakness. How did you ... kn ... ow ... urrrgh...

In other baseball notes, Pedroia Smurf will not be playing in the All-Star game, as he will be visiting his wife, who's experiencing labor complications, and not the kind that cancelled the 1994 World Series. Carlos "False Tilde" Peña will be taking his place, putting exactly 81 first basemen in the All-Star game. I can't wait to live blog it. OR WILL I?

* * * * *

It's probably time I put down the pen. I've made a terrible mess that only the daytime crew can clean up. Much appreciated for you to have me today. Last one to leave, please feed the llama.

MLB.com's clumsy handling of Adenhart's death throughout their site has been mentioned before, and this doesn't mean that they're horrible, hurtful people or anything like that, but WHY would you take the time to put up an editor's note above a "prospect" mentioning that he died (well over a month ago now, mind you) instead of removing him from the list:

Editor's note: On Thursday, Apr. 9, just hours after pitching six shutout innings in his 2009 season debut, Nick Adenhart was involved in a car accident and died from his injuries.

Also, keeping Adenhart on the list must be really annoying to the 36th MLB.com prospect, pitcher Jake Arrieta.

MLB wants journalists to know that their online baseball coverage is limited, at best.

According to Sports Business Journal, starting this coming season news organizations will be limited to no more than 120 seconds of audio or video from league facilities. To add to that, "with game highlights restricted only to rights holders that have a separate rights deal with MLB Advanced Media." As further reported:

The 120 seconds of MLB content cannot be streamed live, and like the NFL's rule, the cap does not apply to news outlets providing their own analysis or reporting, commonly known as "talking head" material. The new MLB rules, in development for roughly six months, also prohibit news organizations from posting more than seven photos from any game online and from creating a photo gallery on their Web sites. In addition, non-text content created at MLB ballparks cannot stay up on a news outlet Web site for more than 72 hours.

Just 120 seconds! Sheesh, that's not even one Steve Trachsel pitch.

NFL-Like: MLB To Impose Online Content Restrictions [The Biz Of Baseball]

It turns out that MLB.com has changed their server suppliers — or some tech thing we don't understand — and if you bought any of those games, they no longer work. And they never will: They're now useless, and MLB isn't giving refunds.

Just got off the phone with a MLB customer service supervisor. "MLB no longer supports the DDS system" that it once used and so any CDs with downloaded games on them "are no good. They will not work with the current system."

Great. Just effing great. ... As I told the supervisor, this is right in line with how wrong-headed and stupid and ass backwards MLB does everything. I was told there is absolutely nothing MLB can do about these lost games. Plus, they said my purchases were all "one-time sales" and thus "there are no refunds".

So, let this be a lesson to anyone out there who considers purchasing anything from MLB.com: Whatever you just bought will be obsolete whenever MLB.com decides that it is, and there's nothing you can do about it. Really makes you want to whip out the credit card, doesn't it?

MLB Rips Off Fans Who Bought DRM Videos [Boing Boing]

(UPDATE: MLB just sent out the following email:

Dear Valued Customer,

It has come to our attention that a small subset of our MLB.com Digital Download customers are unable to access and watch certain games that they purchased prior to 2007. MLB.com is committed to ensuring that all non-functioning MLB.com Digital Downloads that were previously purchased are again made available at no additional cost to our customers.

If you are unable to view any MLB.com Digital Download game that you purchased prior to 2007, please contact MLB.com Customer Service by either (1) sending an e-mail to customerservice@website.mlb.com listing the games that are no longer accessible, or (2) by calling 1-866-800-1275 to speak to a representative.

We will then send you an e-mail containing information on how to re-download and access these games. Please note that all Regular Season games will be available, in the originally purchased format, and all Postseason games will be made available, in the same format currently used on mlb.com/downloads.

We regret any inconvenience, and value your continued support.

Sincerely,
MLB.com)

They had a deal where they would send up the audio, and I would listen to the games while I was doing my normal work stuff. But none of my friends would tell me what would happen, because I wasn't able to usually listen in real time. That worked real well, although one friend blew the World Series. A friend is a Cubs fan, and I don't know if he wasn't paying attention, because NASA is pretty good about sending out a list, so that they know who can email us directly. But it was 3 to 1 (Cardinals won in five) when he blew it, so I knew where it was going.

If we were in space, and we had learned that the Cardinals had won the World Series while we were in orbit, we would be convinced the earth had been taken over by robots, who had enslaved us all. And we'd still be happy.

Baseball Reaches The Final Frontier [MLB.com]

That's right: Your friend and ours, Mr. Harold Reynolds, out of a job since being fired by ESPN for now "official" reason in July, has been hired by MLB.com to work as a broadcaster. Here's the official press release.

After the Major League Baseball All-Star Game, Reynolds will appear five days per week at 2 p.m. (ET) to bring his unique viewpoint of the game directly to fans around the globe. Reynolds will also interact with fans via weekly online chats and through his blog, giving MLB.com users unprecedented, round-the-clock access to one of baseball's most knowledgeable and popular personalities.

"I am grateful for the opportunity to work with the Major League Baseball family," said Reynolds. "I look forward to being a part of the MLB.com team and taking full advantage of this chance to service baseball fans worldwide across Major League Baseball's array of multimedia platforms."

Wow, that's all Harold, all the time: Five days a week! We would ask ESPN their view on this ... but, as we all know, they refuse to admit Harold ever existed. Well, other than to respond to his lawsuits.

Welcome back, Harold. We're glad to have you. Just to be safe, though ... we think you know which restaurant chains to avoid.

Reynolds To Work At MLB.com [PDF]

MLB.com sent out to its mailing list — many of you probably got it — this email, saying that "U.S. Figure Skating extends an invitation to MLB.com fans to check out iceskating.com's groundbreaking coverage of the 2007 State Farm U.S. Figure Skating Championships."

Yep, it's a email address sharing project between MLB.com and iceskating.com. We suppose it was inevitable.

In Case You Had Any Doubt, MLB Doesn't Care About You At All [Deadspin]

Jewel spoke with MLB.com's Casey Stern about the insipration and message behind Goodbye Alice in Wonderland. She also looked back on her now decade-long career and looked ahead to her tour with Rob Thomas.

Sure, you might think that doesn't have, uh, anything to do with sports, but, as has been noted repeatedly, Jewel's time in Alaska involved much hockey, leading to years of tooth dysfunction.

Jewel On MLB.com [MLB.com]

MLB.com

Press Release [MLB]

1. Paid by MLB.
2. Go to offices in buildings owned by either MLB or individual teams.
3. Answer to bosses who answer to bosses who ultimately answer to Bud Selig.

Yet, MLB.com still maintains the illusion that the "journalists" who cover the teams are dispassionate and unbiased; real beat reporters, rather than, say, PR hacks. The main way they try to convince us: The tagline on every story, which reads, "This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its clubs." This has always been a rubber-stamp template that's meaningless. Now we have proof.

MLB's site today runs a letter from commissioner Bud Selig addressed directly to fans. It's the usual prattle; we want to clean up the game, we care about you, please keep stuffing the dollars in the G-strings, don't you have anything larger than a five, so on. But sure enough, at the end of the story, there it is: "This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its clubs."

This is a letter directly from the commissioner. Heavens, if he didn't approve it, who did? God? (David Stern?)

Selig Outlines Testing Goals [MLB.com]