Pete was in Houston doing a radio interview, because that's where he and his as-yet-unnamed girlfriend met with a Playboy talent scout. But lest you think the young lass is nothing more than a pair of freakish fake breasts,

[M]y girl's a real educated girl - she graduated from Arizona State. She had a very prestigious job several years ago when she was a flight attendant for Korean Airlines, which is really a big deal in Korea, and she's Korean."

Pete also laid the sole blame for his ban on Bud Selig, but let's be honest. You only clicked on this post to make that photo bigger. You haven't read this far down.

Pete Rose Goes To Bat For His Lady! [Sports Radio Interviews]

Give them credit. When baseball's "leaders" stick their head in the sand, they really stick it in there. No outside noise will ever affect their judgment. The 2009 postseason was the most embarrassing display by the umpires in recent memory. It wasn't that they missed a lot of close plays—the calls they botched were glaringly obvious mistakes. Even the most ardent anti-replay sticklers had to admit that it probably would have come in handy more than a few times this October. The time was ripe! So, of course, baseball's GMs said "No, thanks."

"Right now, the commissioner doesn't see any reason to consider it."

Really? No reason at all? I guess they just want to spare baseball fans from 10-minute replay reviews on Sony Watchmans (mens?). On the other hand, they can't even figure out how to announce the league MVPs within two months of the actual season taking place, so when has speed ever been a concern? The sport's "old fogey" reputation remains solidly intact.

Trail to instant replay must be laid with dollar signs [CBS Sports]
What controversy? Baseball's GMs bypass instant replay debate for umpires' calls [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

A quick recap for that majority of you who couldn't give a toss about baseball until springtime: as part of the collective bargaining agreement, MLB and the Players Association agree to let the Elias Sports Bureau use a formula to rank the free agents as either Type A, Type B and unclassified. If a team fails to re-sign a Type A player, they receive the first round pick of the team who does, and a supplemental pick on top of that. A Type B player is worth only a supplemental pick.

It's simple, but that's the only part of this sordid business that is. Elias defines a Type A player as within the top 20 percent at his position, and a Type B as within the next 20 percent. But where does this formula come from?

It's a tightly guarded secret, but much of it has leaked out over the years (Here's a good rundown). There's a ton of things wrong with the stats, but we'll highlight a few.

•Stolen bases aren't taken into account. That's the most glaring, since a player who can single, then steal second 95 percent of the time, is unquestionably valuable. That extra base is akin to a huge jump in slugging percentage. Which reminds us...
•Slugging percentage isn't taken into account either. If two players have identical averages, and one is a slap singles hitter and the other consistently doubles and triples, which is more valuable? According to Elias, they're equal.
•Defense doesn't matter for half the players. Fielding percentage doesn't factor in to the valuations for outfielders and first basemen. As if a cannon arm and great first step for a center fielder don't save as many runs as they do for a third baseman.
•Control doesn't matter for starting pitchers. While relievers have their hits per inning, and K/BB ratios factored in, there's nothing similar for starters.

It's ludicrous that Elias, home to more obscure stats than anyone else, doesn't even use now-common measures like OPS and WHIP in their valuations. (Though it's impossible to blame them; this was the formula agreed upon by baseball and the MLBPA.) This gives us major inconsistencies, like these chronicled at Lookout Landing:

Among the potential free agents, there are 26 Type A's, 52 Type B's, and 102 unranked. The average 08/09 WAR (Wins Above Replacement) of the Type A's is 4.6. The average 08/09 WAR of the top 26 Type B's is 4.9.

The average 08/09 WAR of the bottom 26 Type B's is 1.5. The average 08/09 WAR of the top 26 unranked is 2.9.

21 unranked potential free agents posted a combined 08/09 WAR of 2+. Nine Type A's and 16 Type B's were below 2.

Guillermo Mota and David Weathers are Type B's despite posting WARs below zero.

Garret Anderson is a Type B despite being one of the least valuable players in the Major Leagues last year.

But the most egregious variable in the ratings is that they are determined by performance over the past two years. This minimizes breakout players, and ignores those who have broken down completely and suddenly.

Billy Wagner is a Type A; Joel Piniero is a Type B. Bengie Molina is a Type A; Carl Crawford is a Type B. Jason Kendall is worth compensation; Hideki Matsui is not. You get the idea.

Do I have a better plan? I do not. I am a blogger, and my job is to complain and not to be constructive. But something needs to be done, because this is a system that is good for no one.

The players lose because the added cost of losing a pick scares some bidders off, keeping offers lower. Half the teams lose because in order to qualify for compensatory picks, they have to offer arbitration to players they'd otherwise let go without a fuss. The other half lose because they have to surrender draft picks to sign players. So who does win?

Just like with the luxury tax, it's the teams that can't or won't spend money. Too cheap to hang on to your home grown superstars? No worries, they're a Type A and you'll receive another potential star just for being stingy. It's an incentive to break your fanbase's heart. You can almost picture Robert Nutting counting the draft picks for when he inevitably lets Andrew McCutchen go.

But, hey, once all the problems with steroids, TV revenue sharing, a salary cap, a salary floor, stadium financing, the USA's poor showings in the WBC, the lack of African-Americans in the game, verifying the ages of Latin American players, the MLB Network, and instant replay get sorted out, I'm sure baseball will get right on fixing this one.

Baseball's general managers, meeting in Chicago right now, chose not to vote on replay. From the Associated Press:

"We talked about the mechanics behind instant replay. We talked about the structure. We talked about where it's housed, the umpires' procedure," said Jimmie Lee Solomon, executive vice president of baseball operations in the commissioner's office. "But it was all confined to the current instant replay system that we have."

Commissioner Bud Selig opposes widening the use of video review.

"I know there are some who have talked off line about the expansion of instant replay," Solomon said. "Right now, the commissioner doesn't see any reason to consider it."

Selig's in the wrong, of course, as he often is. One day, rest assured, baseball will clean up its umpiring. But unfortunately that won't happen until the game first rids itself of the human element known as Bud Selig.

GMs pass on expanding instant replay [AP]

Prosecutors have vowed to proceed anyway. The San Francisco Chronicle explains:

Villalona, 19 - who three years ago became the most expensive minor-leaguer ever signed by the Giants, at $2.1 million - still faces a charge that he shot a man to death in September in a wild bar fight in his hometown of La Romana, Dominican Republic. But the no-bail hold he had been under was relaxed because the family and prosecutor have not been able to pin a motive for the shooting on Villalona, Cedano [Jose Arturo Cevallos Cedano, Villalona's lawyer] said.

"Angel was just there with a friend," Cedano said. "There was no evidence that he did the shooting."

Prosecutor Jose Antonio Polanco, however, told The Chronicle the only thing that has changed in the case is that the victim's family signed a waiver saying it will not file civil charges against Villalona.

"We are continuing the prosecution," he said. "The agreement is only on civil charges, not criminal."

The Chronicle, incidentally, puts the figure at 5 million pesos, which is closer to $140,000. Diario Libre says 2 million. With the family bought off, it's not clear how much of a case prosecutors will have left if this ever comes to trial. Nor is it clear how the Giants will handle Villalona in the seemingly likely event that he's exonerated. Fellow Giants farmhand Garrett Broshuis isn't too comfortable with the situation:

I wanted to believe my teammate was innocent. I wanted something to come forward to exonerate him. I wanted to see him walk out of prison a free man. But not like this. This just smells like rotten sushi, and nobody likes rotten sushi.

Unseemly though it may be, a payoff like this one is fairly common. It's happened with another ballplayer, in fact. Perhaps you recall the precedent established in Juan Uribe v. Two Dudes Who Got Way Too Close to Juan Uribe's Jeep?

Giants' prospect makes bail [San Francisco Chronicle]
Libertan a Villalona tras compensar madre joven muerto con RD$2.0 millones [Diario Libre]
Villalona: paying off a family? [Life in the Minors]

Because Chicago's baseball writers haven't had anything to write about for three months now, this has become the story in the Second City. The Tribune went to one of Sosa's friends, who gave a perfectly reasonable answer for why he Slammin' Sammy had an MJ look going the other day.

He is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin," [Rebecca] Polihronis said. "Women have it all of the time. He was surprised he came out looking so white. I thought it was a body double. Part of (the photo appearance) is just the lighting.

"He is in the middle of doing a cleansing process to his skin. The picture is deceiving. He said, 'If you saw me in person, you would be surprised. When you see me in person, it is not going to seem like the picture.'"

But this isn't just a case of Sosa forgetting to wash off the moisturizer before going out on the town. Discoloration and lightening is a common side effect of laser treatments he might be undergoing "after years and years (of playing baseball) in the sun."

So now that we have our answer, we can all go back to pretending Sosa never existed.

Sammy Sosa Says Skin Rejuvenation Process Reason His Skin Appears Lighter [Chicago Tribune]

The Twins had long advertised a "Garage Sale," to clear out all the merchandise clogging up the basements and attics of the Metrodome, and indeed 15,000 fans showed up. (Yes, that's more people than at a good number of Twins games.) So what hidden treasures did fans line up around the parking lot for?

A few feet away, Centerville resident Kevin Peickert was lugging a life-sized cutout of Kent Hrbek that set him back $50. It was, he said, worth a 12-hour overnight wait.

"I knew you had to be here early to get the good stuff, because it was going to be gone right away," he said.

Twelve hours for a cardboard standup? Surely Mr. Peickert just had poor taste, and others did better.

After waiting outside the Dome since 4:30 a.m., Buffalo resident Ron Miller emerged triumphant a few minutes after the doors were open. His prize: a 30-foot banner commemorating the late Kirby Puckett's induction into the baseball Hall of Fame in 2000.

For now, though, the banner is "unfortunately" destined for a closet at home because Miller said he doesn't have a big enough place to display it.

The scene after the savage hordes had their way with the stash wasn't pretty:

Not much left but bobbleheads, Homer Hankys and refrigerator magnets," said Rusty Krentz, who drove three hours from her home in far western Minnesota to pick through the sale. "It was worth it, though."

The stuff, most of it ephemera, was piled on folding tables along 15 sections of the Dome's concourse. By noon, the pickings had gotten pretty slim.

Ball caps and straw hats went for $3, a bobblehead of TC, the team's furry mascot, cost $5. Logo-emblazoned socks: $4, and whiffle bats were $2.

This is the way the Metrodome ends. Not with a bang but a closeout sale.

Metrodome's Long, Good Buy [Star Tribune]

The agreement, which still must be approved by a judge, will basically wipe out any charge involving the 3.3 grams of weed Lincecum had on his person when he was pulled over in his Mercedes for going 74 mph in a 60 mph zone on October 30th in Hazell Dell, Washington, his home state.

Grant Hansen, the Clark County deputy prosecutor, explains:

"We negotiated the case in the manner we do with just about every first-time marijuana-drug paraphernalia case where the individual is cooperative with the officer," Hansen told The Columbian. "We dismissed possession of marijuana and amended the other charge to buying or selling drug paraphernalia, a Class A civil infraction."

But to have a case like this to be resolved this quickly is strange, right? Nope.

"His attorney came to our office Monday. We negotiated the case in the manner we do with just about every first-time marijauana/drug paraphernalia case where the individual is cooperative with the officer," Hansen said Friday.

Right. Every first time offender who is a famous Major League pitcher that has a $500/hour attorney on retainer, correct? Not so fast, so says deputy prosecutor Hansen.

The prosecutor told The Columbian "it could have been the kid next door" getting the same treatment. "The fact it's a celebrity doesn't mean he doesn't get the same deal."

Very true. It is not surprising in the least that anyone busted with a couple grams of bud would get this deal, especially in a state like Washington which has such liberal marijuana laws. What is surprising, however, is how quickly this has gone down and how willing the authorities were to cooperate to resolve this matter as quietly as possible. Perhaps this is a sign of how far we have come with how we perceive recreational marijuana use in this country.

Of course, I completely support how this case was handled (which I assume doesn't come as a surprise to anyone around these here parts). Shit man, have Lincecum pay his measly fine and let him get on with his life. There is a whole bunch of weed to smoke in the Pacific Northwest and times wasting, you dig?

Report: Lincecum has agreement on pot charge [The Associated Press]
Lincecum makes deal with Clark County prosecutors [The Colombian]
(previously on Deadspin) Tim Lincecum Cited In Least Surprising Pot Bust Ever

No other player has been so afflicted with the terrible pop psychology of sportswriters as Alex Rodriguez, and even now that he's just won the championship that he was supposedly too selfish and inner-directed to win, Rodriguez is being subjected to yet more inane psychologizing. Here's Ronald Blum of the Associated Press:

But this was a new A-Rod, liberated and transformed in his 16th big league season. Finally starting to grow up at age 34, he shed the distractions caused by his $275 million contract and an entourage of handlers he picked up from Madonna. He glowed in his relationship with new girlfriend Kate Hudson.

Ted Keith of SI.com:

If the legacies of Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Andy Pettitte and Jorge Posada were crystallized by their fifth world title, then in winning his first, Rodriguez's was transformed. He may still be slightly vain — a centaur? Really? — and may still be highly ambitious, but he has undoubtedly acquired a new level of humility that, in fairness, may have been hard to come by as he was performing like the best player in the world (winning three MVP awards in five seasons) and being paid like it (signing not one but two contracts in excess of a quarter-billion dollars just seven years apart).

That transformation began with his much-dissected press conference, but the real impetus for change came a few weeks later when he went to lunch with some friends of his and heard them "tell me a lot of things that I needed to hear," he says. "I listened and I humbled myself. I look in the mirror and I was honest with myself and I didn't like what I saw."

This all makes for a pleasant story arc — ooh! he's having another moment in front of a mirror — but it's nonsense, and one day, Rodriguez will have a good chuckle over it while polishing his World Series ring. Does anyone really believe he went .365/.500/.808 because he located some new wellspring of humility? Or because he shed those infamous "distractions," stopped counting his money and fetched up with a more PG-13 celebrity? He hit .365/.500/.808 because he's one of the greatest hitters of his generation, Kate Hudson or no.

Consider: As a regular, A-Rod has now figured in 11 playoff series; by my reckoning, he played poorly in only three of them. In the others, he was good, if not brilliant: .409/.480/.773 for Seattle in the 2000 ALCS against the Yankees; .421/.476/.737 with the Yankees in the 2004 ALDS against the Twins. He very nearly went 0-for-Detroit in 2006, but otherwise, even discounting his supposed Great Awakening this season, Rodriguez has enjoyed the sort of postseason success that the Mike Lupicas of the world are usually so quick to label "clutch." That they never did was probably out of fealty to the public image of a wealthy, sybaritic loser that they had so laboriously constructed for A-Rod. But he was great before, and he was great again, and the only transformation that took place was in the imaginations of those sportswriters who never tire of assigning moral value to things that happen in a baseball game.

A-Rod finally a champion after year of turmoil [AP]
From steroids to celebrations, what a year it's been for Alex Rodriguez [SI.com]

* * * * *

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Barry's back tonight, and I'm sure he'll have some pleasant and totally sufferable thoughts to share about the World Series.

"Six years later, he is back in new Yankee Stadium, still pitching for the honor of Red Sox Nation," Shaughnessy begins. He means Pedro Martinez, who is fated to spend the rest of his natural days being trailed by a herd of Back Bay poet manqués, even though he has now pitched for five teams in all, four of which were not the Red Sox.

Pedro Martinez gets the ball in Game 6 tonight of the World Series, and he is the only thing standing between the Evil Empire and its 27th world championship.

In his role as Philadelphia Phillies starting pitcher, Pedro knows he is carrying the colors for Sox fans around the world - just as he did in 2003 when Grady Little left him on the mound too long in the ancient ballpark across the street.

And the curly-haired boyfriend concludes:

The Yankees were Pedro's daddy when Grady left him on the mound too long in 2003. Tonight Pedro has a chance to make everything right. All these years later, he's still pitching for the Red Sox.

Yes, at last, a second shot at redemption (after that first, successful shot at redemption in 2004). This one's not just for Pedro, either. It's for all of Red Sox Nation, those long-suffering souls who've tragically gone a full month without anyone giving a shit about them.

A night at the theater [Boston Globe, via Can't Stop The Bleeding]

* * * * *

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Barry won't be here tonight, but remember, you can always entertain yourselves merely by using the handy #duan hashtag. Talk about baseball, threaten to sue, whatever.