Becks: Shalom, Brother

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.

I'm kvelling, and not just because I'm going to be eating matzo all next week. No, the reason I'm feeling so good is that David Beckham is sending his son Cruz to a Jewish nursery school in Los Angeles.

David Beckham Is Allegedly Back In The MLS

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.

It's not often that I plan my Saturday night around watching a MLS game, especially when it kicks off right when my man Tyler Hansbrough is in the midst of giving little Ricky Pitino a facial for the ages. But this was not just any MLS game, it was the showcase match of the league's opening weekend, and it involved a certain English underwear model who plays for the LA Galaxy and, who from all accounts, was finally healthy and ready to justify his "$250 million" hype as the latest Messiah of American Soccer.

The MLS Cup Could Be Yours

MLS Exhibition Livened Up By Naked Man

What Went Wrong With Beckham And The MLS?

Only In New Jersey, Kids

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin and PLAY Magazine about soccer.

Here are two things I never thought I'd see in my lifetime: a scalper at an MLS game shouting "who needs tickets, who needs tickets" to people who actually did, and a mostly professional soccer score, 5-4, that matched Tom Cruise's height. Yet, in one surreal evening, I witnessed both. Only in New Jersey kids, only in New Jersey.

It's not that I didn't expect to encounter a frisson of pandemonium when Goldenballs' magical mystery tour rolled into Giants Stadium, I just never anticipated the seismic nature of the event. Soccer historians — both of them — will tell you that the last time this many fans — 66,237 — paid to see two American teams was 27 years ago, when the Cosmos were snorting themselves silly at Studio 54. Back then, it only cost you $20 to boo the shit out of Giorgio Chinaglia; whereas on Saturday night someone offered me $200 for my $50 seat (believe me, I thought hard about it before remembering that I'm already under investigation for my role in the Bad Jewz Kennel) for the privilege of peeing on Beckham's parade.

Who would have thunk it? The man whom American soccer is hoping will rescue it from a tsunami of indifference being jeered by the Red Bulls faithful, perhaps resentful of the 55,000 extra fans who had intruded on their unmolested privacy. Ever the gentleman, Beckham looked up at the hecklers shouting "who are ya? who are ya?" put a finger to his lips and proceeded to flight perfectly weighted balls onto the heads of his teammates that screamed "if you can't nod this into the back of the net, you're even more of a stinking heap of MLS dung that I thought."

Sports By Brooks points out what many missed after David Beckham's first MLS goal the other night: There were hardly anybody in the stands. Attendance was 17,223 at an arena that holds 27,000, and reports are there were 8,000 tickets given away. We doubt this will be a problem at the Meadowlands this weekend, but it's probably still worth noting. Of course, now that people know he's actually playing ...

Lots Of Announcers Saying "Bend It"

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.

Any questions? I trust all of you who participated in the month-long orgy of Becklash after Goldenballs landed on our fair shores and healed his ankle poolside at Tom and Katie's will at least stay quiet for another week and let the rest of us enjoy last night's Hollywood moment.

David Beckham Actually Does What He's Paid To Do (For 20 Minutes, Anyway)

The MLS Is Expanding, With Or Without Beckham

Beckham May Someday Play, Maybe, Who Knows?

Searching For Beckham In LA, And Finding Alexa

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.

I did not endure three nerve-jangling hours stuck on the tarmac without so much as a drop of alcohol simply to witness David Beckham gimp around the field for 13 minutes, however life-altering those minutes may have been. Nor did I fly 3,000 miles to savor the fact that within the celebrity-drenched throng at the Home Depot Center, I found myself for a blood-engorging minute (before someone called security) the Hebrew National Salami in a Brooke Shields/ Alicia Silverstone sandwich.

No, I was in LA for something greater — the mother of all money shots, that moment when months of media foreplay culminated in a flood of worldwide recognition that would once and for all legitimize the future of American soccer.

But what I got was Alexa, and let's just say that her work rate later that night at the Silver Reign Gentleman's Club was every bit as impressive as the Galaxy's in the first half against Chelsea.

A False Alarm For Beckham This Weekend

Get Thee To Denver, Fast

Beckham Is Here! (And So Is Our Winner)

In preparation for David Beckham's debut in the MLS this weekend, Wmagazine published a series of photos of the soccer "star" and his wife Posh. Boy. We are so freaking amped for soccer now.

By the way, your definitive Here Comes Beckham post is up at That's On Point.