Here's the thing: Messing with the Rocky statue isn't that big of a deal. Besides some moronic old-fashioned South Philly stunods, most people who don't still live in rowhomes with plastic covered couches think this monstrosity needs to be destroyed anyway. I like Stallone, I like the movies, but that stupid cast-iron piece of pop art dogshit lost its sentimental appeal about 20 years ago and is more of a blemish for the city than anything else.

Honestly, the only people who would be really pissed off by this idiotic attempt at disrespect at this point are the Balkans. So, enjoy that war with Serbia — you might have a shot at victory over them.

Canadiens Desecrate Rocky Statue [The 700 Level]

Larry Hagman and Burt Bacharach. The last time these two were names were associated together was when they were caught snorting blow out of Joyce DeWitt's asscrack at the Playboy Mansion in 1981. Oh, to be a fly on the wall that night.

Moving on, let's get to the series between the Sharks and the Stars. Jerseys with the color cleverly named "Pacific Teal" in them versus jerseys which used to have a giant "N" on the them. Ahem.

The prevailing story heading into the series is the animosity between these two Pacific Division rivals. In the regular season finale between the squads, 160 penalty minutes were assessed, including 90 in the first period alone. Five fights took place as well, including the one below between Steve Ott and the NHL's reigning regular season assists leader Joe Thornton.

Players To Keep Your Eye On:

For the Sharks, you have to include Joe Thornton in this discussion but cannot forget about Patrick Marleau, the team captain. Perhaps the most important player in the series for the Sharks is trade deadline acquisition Brian Campbell. Upon his arrival, Campbell got red-hot, with 19 points in 20 regular season games for San Jose. His production dipped a little bit in the playoffs (3 points), but look for him to get it going again in this series. Ryane Clowe led the team with eight points in the first round series against the Flames.

For the Stars, you have to begin with The Guy Who Gets To Bang Willa Ford Whenever He Chooses, otherwise known as Mike Modano. The ageless Modano tallied five goals and six assists in eight games against the Sharks this season. The key trade deadline move for the Stars was obtaining Brad Richards from Tampa Bay, who had 11 points in 12 games for the Stars. Mike Ribeiro leads the team with eight points in the postseason. The biggest question mark for the Stars is Sergei Zubov. Out since January 17th, Zubie practiced with the team on Wednesday, so his return could be imminent.

Key Stat - Home Ice May Be A Meaningless Factor In This Series:

In splitting the season series 4-4, the visiting team won the first six games.

If I Could Determine The Stakes Of The Wagers Between The Civic Leaders of Dallas and San Jose, I Would Pick:

If the Stars win, San Jose, as the self-proclaimed "capital of Silicon Valley," would allow the Mayor of Dallas to be the first person allowed to test out Adobe Systems' poorly conceived virtual reality software, Adobe Acroscat.

If the Sharks win, the Mayor of San Jose gets all the Texas Longhorn beef he can eat while simultaneously getting his knob gobbled by a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

If I Were Forced To Select A Woman Born In Each City And Watch Them Mud Wrestle, I Would Have To Choose:

Dallas native Brooke Burns

San Jose native Sheri Moon Zombie

A YouTube Video Breakdown Of The Series By A Fan:

Look out, Kige, the Crempster is moving in on your territory.

Prediction:

Sharks in 6.

If this turtle has two faces, then this series has four. Which teams are going to show up on a given night? Will it be the Candiens team that blitzed Boston 5-0 in Game 7, and scored seemingly at will in four games of that series, or the one that struggled to put anything past Tim Thomas in the other 3? Will it be the Carey Price that had consecutive games of giving up 5 goals, or the one that had two shutouts?

For Philadelphia, will it be the tough, gritty team that opened up a 3-1 lead on Washington and closed out two overtime wins, or the one that let the Capitals back in to game after game (and the series) with sloppy play? Is it possible to preview this series entirely in question form?

Canadiens GM Bob Gainey raised a few eyebrows when he shipped Cristobal Huet to Washington at the deadline, anointing the rookie Price as the team's No. 1, and really, only, goaltender (unless you're a huge Jaroslav Halak fan). Immediate, persistent and probably unfair comparisons were made to two other rookie Montreal goaltending legends (and if I need to name them, you're probably just killing time hoping Daulerio finds another female streaker to post). Price will get his first real chance to prove Gainey right: the Flyers and Martin Biron beat Huet in the first round. If Montreal wins this series, Canadiens fans will take to the streets to demand that Price either run for Prime Minister or father a son, so that he can coach said son in a junior hockey brawl.

Other than goaltending, the real question in this series is whether Montreal's finesse-y defense can stand up to the pounding that Philly's violent and suspension-prone forwards will dole out. Here's a list recapping this season's Flyer suspensions:

Jesse Boulerice (no longer with team): 25 games
Steve Downey: 20 games
Riley Cote: 3 games
Scott Hartnell: 2 games
Randy Jones: 2 games

Mike Komisarek is really the only Montreal defender who can dish it out as well as take it, and the Canadiens do not carry a typical "enforcer" on their roster. These Canadiens are a throwback to the "Flying Frenchmen" of yesteryear — never mind that only a couple of them are actually French Canadian. They are a collection of fast, shifty, skilled 190-pound forwards, the lone "bruisers" being Alex Kovalev and sparingly used Guillaume Latendresse. Some might say that's a recipe for playoff disaster, but boy are they fun to watch when they're clicking.

The Flyers, on the other hand, are one giant bruise waiting to happen. I like them to win this series if they can tighten up the defensive zone coverage and avoid stupid penalties. Alternate, probably more accurate prediction: Montreal will win this series, thanks to their top-rated power play and Philly's propensity to take stupid penalties. Second alternate, more fun predictive tool: Which one of these girls is hotter (and trust me, it wasn't easy picking from among the collection of scary chicks that serve as Flyers Ice Girls. I think a couple of those girls could take Saku Koivu in a fight.)? Me, I'll take Montreal in 6 games.

Hordes of rioting fans set fire to police cars, smashed store windows and looted local businesses following the Canadiens' Game 7 playoff win over the Boston Bruins. Police arrested 16 people, who face a number of charges — including breaking and entering a business, armed assault on a police officer, mischief on a police vehicle, assault and various bylaw infractions. "After the Canadiens won their game, people started attacking private businesses, attacking police officers and throwing rocks or any objects they could find at police cars," said Montreal Police Const. Laurent Gingras.

Here's the scene right after the game. When Canadians begin whipping off their shirts, you know trouble is ahead.

Rioters Run Amok In Montreal After Playoff Victory [The Gazette]

No.1 Detroit Red Wings (54-21-7, 115 Points; Blew Game 5 and lost the conference finals to Anaheim) vs. No. 8 Nashville Predators (41-32-9, 91 Points; Shown the door by San Jose for the second-straight season)

The Red Wings are a bunch of softies? Look, don't make them participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way they do it. You make them get out of bed, you make them come over here. You make them make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney. The man could squash their nuts into oblivion! And then ... and then ... and then you deliberately hurt their feelings.

The last person I'd expect to accuse the Detroit Red Wings of being a collection of Euro wussies — the kind whose photos Don Cherry uses as urinal cakes — would be affable announcer Mike "Doc" Emrick, the man who made "BIG DRIVE!" as much a established attribute of the NHL on American television as miniscule viewership. And yet here's what Emrick said in a preview of the Detroit/Nashville series:

Emrick said Europeans have "smashed a lot of the stereotypes (about being soft), but it still raises its ugly head when you talk about Detroit.

"Do they have enough character? Are they going to be stamped as the Euro skill players, and can Nashville intimidate them? And that's the story for this series," Emrik (sic) said. "In the regular season (these teams), played eight games with no fights. They'll probably have a couple in the first game."

The Chief at Abel To Yzerman would love to hear who, exactly, these Euro softies on the Red Wings are. But there's a morsel of truth to Doc's cultural thesis. It's the reason Detroit sold its soul and traded for Todd Bertuzzi last season. It's the reason Darren McCarty was invited to escape mothballs and join the living again this season. And it's the reason Chris Chelios will likely be playing for the Red Wings until the end of Jeb Bush's second term. They've got great skill, but someone needs to mind the store.

There's always going to be that lingering doubt about Detroit's mettle. It's a team that's lost in the first round as a prohibitive favorite as many times as its won the Stanley Cup since 1997. Is Nashville going to join the Arturs Irbe Club of Red Wings stunners? Eh, not bloody likely.

Key Match-Up for Detroit: The Defense vs. Jason Arnott and J.P. Dumont. These guys led the Predators with 72 points apiece, and they're playoff gamers: Dumont with 20 points in his last 23 playoff games, and Arnott having won the fracking Stanley Cup with a goal in 2000. Take them out, and you've basically carved out the team's heart with a tablespoon and a rusty pair of pliers.

Key Match-Up for Nashville: Crashing the Net vs. Old Goalies. When the defense fails in front of Hasek, he's looked very human this season. Get behind those soft Euros (tm, Emrick) and make him look like a pinball in his own crease.

Worst Case Scenario for Detroit: They're not going to lose this series, so the worst case would be to lose even more players to a list of walking wounded that already includes Samuelsson and Maltby.

Worst Case Scenario for Nashville: David Legwand drives the team bus to Detroit.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Red Wings in five. Nashville's gritty enough to snag a win, but this is Detroit in a walk.

Vital YouTubeage: From his days in Dallas, a little Aaron Downey trash talking:

No. 1 Montreal Canadiens (47-25-10, 104 Points; Uninvited to the postseason pants party) vs. No. 8 Boston Bruins (41-29-12, 94 Points; Also uninvited to the postseason pants party)

Oh, joy: A matchup of the most exciting team in the entire League against a team whose only hope is to smother the fun out of it, like putting a damp pillow over a clown's face.

(As a Devils fan, I think I just had a moment of self-revelation and would like, on behalf of my colleagues, to apologize for the last 15 years.)

To call the current incarnation of this Original Six rivalry lopsided would be an insult to Tara Reid's boob job. Montreal has flat-out owned the Bruins, having won the last 11 meetings between the teams. They're better statistically across the board: In goals for, power play, penalty killing, and actually only 0.01 off the goals-against pace against a Claude Julien team that preaches defense first, second, third and fifth. Outside of the inspirational kick of seeing Patrice Bergeron make it back from concussion-ville and the potential for Tim Thomas to steal a game in goal, a Habs' loss here would be absolutely bat-shit insane.

Key Match-Up for Montreal: Shattering Spirits vs. Glimmers of Hope. Drop Game 1 to the Bruins, and this could be a dramatically different series. If you have your jackboot on the back of Boston's head, you don't let it up to breathe - you stomp the curb, son.

Key Match-Up for Boston: Shaken Confidence Vs. Carey Roy Dryden. The Canadiens have placed their faith in rookie goalie Carey Price, and play stellar team defense in front of him. Boston has to plow through that defense, crush his newbie soul and get inside his head to win this series. Or else this is all Montreal and its fans are going to see during Round One (and thanks to Eyes on the Prize for the blasphemy):

Worst Case Scenario for Montreal: They win in six rather than five or four.

Worst Case Scenario for Boston: Carey Roy Dryden is so magical, the Habs find a way to win in three.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Montreal in five. Boston should break the streak at home for a bit of a tease, but fall short. Warning: If Bergeron gives them a huge lift, if Thomas plays out of his skull and if Montreal's injuries ( like the one to Saku Koivu) prove to be too much, we might have to make a major flip-flop on this pick. And since the Bruins are from John Kerry country, I suppose that would only be apropos.

Vital YouTubeage: "We don't get a lot of French-Canadian cabbies, let alone French-Canadian goalies..."

Apparently a guy named "Raphael" — a Raphael in Montreal; go figure — hopped on the Canadiens practice rink, swiped the puck and took a few shots at goalie Jose Theodore. Somehow, he was neither tackled and bladed by players nor arrest by cops, if just because they're in Canada and all on horses.

Our favorite part of the story:

"He couldn't beat me," Theodore said. "That's the main thing."

Yes. Take your victories where you might get them.

Wacko Crashes Canadiens Practice Session [Off Wing Opinion]