Why Dock Ellis? Forget about the acid thing for a second, and forget about the fact that he once said he never pitched a game in the minors when he "wasn't high." Forget the drugs, forget the drug counselor career he curiously, redemptively embarked on later in life. The guy was a fucking character. Ellis used to wear hair curlers during warm-ups so he could accumulate sweat to throw spitballs. Ellis admitted to inflaming racial tensions just so he could get reporters to talk to him. Ellis' sworn enemy was Reggie Jackson. Reggie Jackson! Ellis loved to throw at other players' faces. He lived for the intensity and bullshit and trashtalk of sport, not for the competition of it, but for fun. Ellis was one of those characters in baseball's age of personality who make everyone who came before him look like nothing but a steak-and-martini gormandizing dolt, and everyone after him a faceless, anonymous, contained machine devoid of life. Our baseball players now have about as much personality as they can fit into a shot of their cocks on this here site (and the cock-loiterers who post them). That's why we need The Untitled Dock Ellis Story: to remind us that there were once interesting people playing sports, and that the major leagues are now, like everything else that goes corporate to suck of the teet of The Man, homogenized, soulless bullshit. Dock Ellis is the antithesis of that. Dock Ellis is self-expression in athletics personified. Dock Ellis is the man. And yes: Dock Ellis pitched a no-no on acid.

Because this is a biopic, we're obviously going to have to cut between the epic no-hitter and everything else that happens in his life. Because Deadspin Films are innovative, we can even go into Ellis' future in a Tarantino-esque time-split, which is kind of an accurate representation of what it's like to live on acid for a day: you see through time. Time is your bitch when you're on acid. It has the consistency of a DORITO CHIP. It can easily be crushed and consumed and come out pretty much exactly the same on the other end.

Your best titles in the comments, please; the winner goes in the headline.

[This is FEK, BTW.]

Dock Ellis, as played by Dave Chappelle. Aside from his ability to pull off profoundly funny Drug Humor, Chappelle possesses the classic comic skill of originality when it comes to being incredulous with the way the universe works. Chappelle's been gone for way too long, and he's a good enough actor/comic to merit an Oscar-bait role, but not the kind of self-serious turns that comedy actors-turned-wannabe-drama actors take (see: Jim Carrey in The Truman Show, The Majestic, etc).

Donald Hall, as played by Jack Nicholson. This man will be our Naked Indian-like mystic, except he's going to be Dock's Crunchy White Friend, Donald Hall. Hall, who was eventually the U.S. Poet Laureate, wrote the book on Ellis, literally: Dock Ellis in the Country of Baseball. Hall is a fucked-up druggie with whom Ellis finds a common bond with. When Hall originally wrote his book, he wrote that Ellis was drunk on the day he threw his no-no. Which: no. Ellis was getting strange on some acid—fucking ACID—and Hall wrote as much in the 1989 epilogue to the book's paperback release. Why the hiding? Because Ellis was playing for the Yankees when the book was published in '76, and him and Hall worried about what George "The Narc" Steinbrenner would think.

Reggie Jackson, as played by Michael K. Williams. Every story needs a foil, and the rules and regulations of drug-fearing America are too obvious (and too easily evaded) for a guy like Dock. He needed a bigger problem, and he got what he asked for in Reggie Jackson, who was rightfully controlling a lot of the discussion about race in baseball when both players were in their prime. Mr. October had been around longer, was less mischievous, was the well-behaved of the two when it came to having decorum and sportsmanship. For what it's worth, he was also the better player, which maybe Ellis might've had the potential to be recognized as had he not played each game on drugs (but: bygones). Reggie Jackson famously hit a pitch thrown by Dock Ellis in the 1971 All-Star Game into a transformer, and Dock Ellis famously retaliated by hitting Reggie Jackson in the face with a pitch. This was basically how Dock Ellis did business. Michael K. Williams played Omar on The Wire. If you've never watched The Wire, I'm sorry. if you have, you know exactly—exactly—what I'm talking about. This is perfect.

Act 1: Dock's Old Age. In fact, the first flashback/flashforward—so we can get to the peak stuff in the story at the end—should be of Ellis winning the World Series in 1971 with the Pirates, a year after he pitched his no-hitter on acid. We then go into old age, when—living with his wife and his stepdaughter—he finally comes to realize that all anybody wants to talk about are the drugs he did. For the longest time, Ellis had to keep quiet about his incredible feat, for which he'd be inevitably shamed. People would throw accusations of performance enhancement and pejoratives about how bad drug-users like Ellis are not just for society, but for sport. Ellis eventually became a drug counselor and helped people out with drug problems, but let's get one thing straight:He eventually came to happy terms with his feat. And another thing correct, here: ACID is NOT a performance-enhancing drug, kids. Anything that can give you permanent psychological scars just from looking at your dick will not help you pitch *better.* We will talk about Dock's inevitable struggle with this fact when dealing with the people he helps advise when he becomes a drug counselor in his later, post-baseball years.

Act 2: Dock's Rise To Fame.More time sequencing! Dock's trying to trace back what the hell kind of wack-ass shit happened over the last 50 years. How he got to be who he was, the racism he faced as a kid. After his career, why he was left unfufilled by it. Even though he'd won the World Series, all he ever wanted to do was win a title as a Yankee. He got to the Yankees, but he didn't win a title. What he did do? Make a name for himself. Like the time a few months before he won the World Series in '72, on May 5, when a stadium security guard maced him in the face. Or like the May 1, 1974 game where he pitched at the heads of Pete Rose, Joe Morgan, and Dan Driessen, Tony Perez, and Johnny Bench (hitting the first three), before which, he tried to lift the spirits of his team with one of the best motivational speeches in baseball: "We gonna get down. We gonna do the do. I'm going to hit these motherfuckers."

Act 3: The Dock Ellis Acid No-No. The legendary game. Now he remembers. This is who Dock Ellis was. Mischief, incarnate. The spirit of the prankster. The guy pitched a no-hitter on acid. Fucking ACID. And the world was better off. People are still trying to petition to get MLB TV to show the game that Dock Ellis couldn't live down or past: he showed up twisted out of his head on drugs, and pitched the hell out of his game. We cut from the second-to-last pitch, to Dock Ellis, the drug counselor, living out his last days in California.

Finale: Looking back on baseball and the bewildered look on his face he had after he won his no hitter, an older, wiser Ellis realizes: MLB's full of cheaters, liars, addicts, and assholes, most of whom aren't even charming. At least he stood for something. Let's face it: Ellis was never gonna be Reggie Jackson, drugs or no drugs. If he tried, he would've ended up second-rate. The guy was something on to his own, and when he both comes to peace with and embraces his legacy in our denouement, he sees the light: Dock Ellis, Fuckup, Drug Addict, Folk Hero. A title over black: "Dock Ellis died on December 19, 2008, in Victorville, California, of liver problems. He was living out his last days as a drug counselor." We flash back to that last no-no pitch in his glove, ready to be thrown. Everyone in the stadium is going wild. It all goes quiet. And right as Dock Ellis throws, the ball starts singing to him, and it's singing this song. He throws, and we cut to black over the song.

Producers recently released the full trailer for Pacquiao's latest movie—his 10th according to IMDb—and it is a doozy. The film is called Wapakman, and appears to be a semi-autobiographical tale of Manny's life as the world's greatest (only?) Pinoy superhero. It's got monsters, bikini babes, adorable kids, explosions and punching. In other words, it is awesome. Judging by the many homages to classic films in this clip, Wapakman looks like Ghostbusters, Spider-Man, Desperado, Superman, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Cider House Rules, every Jackie Chan movie ever, Rocky III and V (but not IV), Clash of the Titans, Gladiator, and Leonard, Part 6 all rolled into one.

Sadly, the film might be banned from the Metro Manila Film Festival, where it was set to debut next month, because the seven-time world champion is planning to run for congress next year and Filipino election law forbids candidates from appearing in motion pictures. This is outrageous. If a fair and open electoral process doesn't allow an elite boxer-congressman to do battle with CGI crustaceans on his days off, then what's the point of even living in a democracy? If that's what it takes to get this movie released stateside, then bring on socialized medicine!

WAPAKMAN Trailer! [YouTube]
Manny Pacquiao Starring in the Greatest Movie Ever [Last Angry Fan]
‘Panday,' ‘Wapakman' may be banned from Metro film fest [Manila Bulletin]

It was bad enough when they tried to weave the plot lines of Game 4 into a hackneyed story about blue rastafied cat aliens, but the most egregious example of fake enthusiasm for this sure-to-be-terrible movie was the actual fake enthusiasm by the fans watching it on the big screen at Cowboys Stadium. Look, if News Corp. wants to show their three-minute infomercial on the jumbotron that's fine. But don't make people pretend that it was it so exciting it brought them to their feet. I haven't seen acting that forced since the last episode of Joe Buck Live. Were they paid to do that or did those poor saps spend all their dignity just to earn tickets to a Cowboys game?

By the way, funny how the trailer listed James Cameron's previous sci-fi triumphs, but forgot to mention "The Abyss." What an odd oversight!

Plus, I'm not sure how many people will pay $10 to sit through a two-hour movie about franchise relocation. The amateur filmmakers fully admit that the reason they made "SonicGate" was to find an outlet for the sadness and frustration that they felt as aggrieved fans of a basketball team that was sold out from under them and shipped off to another town. Not that they're bitter! It's all part of the mourning process.

Our whole purpose is to get the story out so that everybody in the country and the world can see what happened here. We want to get the story out there. Get it told." These guys feel as if there already is too much greed in the Sonics' saga. They don't want to add to this money grab.

"We're doing this for the right reasons," editor Lund said. "For the passion, for the history, for the story. We're putting it out there and saying, 'Yeah, it's not always about money.' It can't always be about money."

It's not exactly "Hoop Dreams," but if you care about this stuff at all you should probably check it out. Be warned, though. Even one of the directors says, "It's kind of a downer."

Oh boy! Fire up the popcorn maker!

Requiem for a Team [Watch @ Sonicgate.org]
Film finally gives Sonics fans a chance to mourn [Seattle Times]

This week I got to sit down with first-time director Robert Siegel (writer of "The Wrestler") and actor/comedian Patton Oswalt to chat about their movie. I learned how sports fans are like comic book geeks, Giants fans are classier than Jets fans, and what profession is crappier than blogging. Oh, and I may have gotten someone fired in the process.

Robert: So you write for Deadspin, yet you're a woman.

Sarah: Imagine that! We're quite progressive.

Patton: Impressive.

Sarah: In the movie breakdown, you call the lead character Paul a "complex everyman"…

Robert: What?? Is that what it says? I didn't write that…

Sarah: Well, Paul comes across as exactly the opposite of the everyman.

Robert: Well, I think what that idiot meant - whoever wrote that – is that maybe he's relatable because he's passionate about something…

Patton: Right

Robert: ...like that we all have something we're passionate about maybe…

Patton: Despite all logic

Robert: …but yeah, he's relate-able. I'm just covering the tracks of whatever asshole wrote that description.

Patton: "As mercurial director raged against his own PR people, flipping over the table upstairs at the Playwright tavern and polishing off his eighth Jameson's of the afternoon…"

Sarah: Uh oh. Is someone getting fired?

Patton:That's actually a good catch. I didn't think anyone ever read the crap the PR people send out.

Sarah: I was bored on the bus.

[At this point I sense I may have sent someone to the unemployment line, so I move on.]

Sarah: You've mentioned previously in a couple of interviews that you aren't really a sports fan….

Patton:Not at all. I have no…it's not that I hate sports, it's just that I don't have any knowledge.

Sarah: So what did you draw on? Because your character is very passionate and obsessive about his team.

Patton:Well I'm very passionate and obsessive about films, pop culture, politics, comic books, so I was able to draw from all of that. It's the same spark, just different thrill every time. These guys all move in the same lurching, lonely direction towards the thing that they worship.

Sarah: So you see a connection between sports fans and comic book geeks.

Patton: Well, with all enthusiasts, like foodies or people who follow a pop star or urban explorers who go exploring ruins of New York City. They're passionate people. The problem is most people use it to enhance their lives, Paul uses it to replace his life. That's the distinction.

Sarah: I found myself relating, as a sports fan, to a lot of the ways Paul reacts to his team and the way he handles his rivalry with the Philly fan…

Robert: Which parts did you relate to?

Sarah: I don't want to reveal too much about the movie, but for example when Paul and his friend were going over the upcoming season's schedule and tallying up the potential wins. Most sports fans I know do the same thing.

Robert Yeah, I used to do that when the schedule came out too. That's part of what makes him relatable in that all sports fans take a certain measure of abuse. As a sports fan you have to eat shit, uh, whether it's your team losing or…in a league with...how many teams?

Sarah: 32

Robert:…32 teams, it's funny how you listen to pretty much any fan of any franchise, you'll listen to them and they'll talk like they are…like they have an intimate relationship with loss and pain that no other team or not other fans could possible understand…

Patton:Like they feel responsible for the victory…

Robert:When in reality, 31 teams don't win the Super Bowl every year but they all think of themselves as the most long suffering. I can relate to this, believe me I can relate to this as a Kansas City Chiefs fan.

Patton: Sometimes you pick the wrong hero…

Robert: Right. So there's the pain of the losses and then the other indignity you suffer as a sports fan is when your heroes turn out to be creeps, cheaters, or steroid users or wife beaters. Not that they all are, but you know, it happens pretty frequently. It's often that you'll find that your hero is not what you hoped he'd be.

And then there's ticket prices…you know…if you're a Yankees fan, I mean $2,500 for crappy seats. You can't help but feel like it's a big "fuck you", you know? It's just everything. It doesn't love you as much as you love it. It's really a one way street. Your loyalty is sort of tested and taken for granted and abused, you know? Yet your faith is strangely unwavering like [Paul's] is. You may not get actually punched in the face by your favorite player but you get metaphorically punched in the face. But you'd never consider dumping your team.

Sarah: Which makes your comparison to comic books and politics interesting because I don't think anyone would really feel that way about their favorite super hero.

Patton:Well, there really are people who do take it too far, you know, they do take their politics to far. Like, look at the people who are still following Sarah Palin after she's saying the kind things that would normally end a politician's career, people would not waver from her. It's getting too Orwellian now. She's a leader by quitting, don't they understand that? And there are people that get way to into power fantasies and comic books, like there are Star Trek fans who want to be addressed as commander and wear the uniforms. Or people who follow the Jedi religion. People translate Shakespeare to Klingon for crying out loud.

[Ten minutes into the interview, Robert's attention has drifted to some point behind me in sort of an empty gaze. It's like most dates I've been on, except I'm pretty sure this interview won't end in me leaving with my underwear in my purse.]

Sarah: You've written this character, a guy who lives with his parents, masturbates, and is obsessed with his team. I, for one, am grateful you didn't make him a blogger.

Robert: Ha, yeah. He's kind of a pre-internet guy.

Patton: He just missed the internet.

Sarah: Right. So then what made you decide to make him a parking lot attendant?

Robert: (to Patton) See, I didn't know that your King of Queens character was a…

Patton: He was a token booth salesman in the subway…

Robert:…I had no idea. I found that out way after. People are going to be like "He's playing the same character…"

Patton:Those are the "King of Queens" nerds.

Robert:I didn't know, just for the record. So why the parking lot attendant? Uh, it just seemed like a really shitty job, you know, his interaction all day long is with people who have just come out of the hospital and he's asking them for a lot of money for parking. His day is filled with abuse and negative interactions all day long.

Patton: It's just a horrible job to have.

Sarah: OK, so I get the whole New York angle, but why the Giants?

Robert: You mean the Giants as opposed to the Jets?

Sarah: Yeah

Robert: Well I didn't want him to be in the Stadium, I wanted him to be watching outside in the parking lot. I had this image of that. I thought it would be much more realistic that he's a Giants fan because it's not nearly as hard to get Jets tickets as it is for the Giants. There's that history with the Giants where tickets are handed down from generation to generation. The idea that he was kind of an outsider, even within the culture of Giants fans, there are kind of the cool fans and the un-cool fans, the haves and the have-nots. I just wanted him to be a fan of a more upper class…uh…

Sarah You can say it. Giants fans are better than Jets fans.

Robert: Well, yeah. Or, well, there's a higher percentage of upscale Giants fans.

Sarah: I know a few Jets fans who would beg to differ.

Robert: Well, it's kind of like Giants, Yankees, Rangers are more Manhattan, kind of white collar teams and the more blue collar side of things I always think of as the Jets and the Mets. The Giants are further up in the hierarchy of New York sports. Now that I think about it, he probably should have been a Jets fan. It seems like more of his personality…

Sarah: A loser?

Robert: Yeah…well…I don't really think he's a loser. He's just more blue collar. And growing up in New York you sort of associate different areas, like Queens or Long Island with certain teams. Staten Island is more Giants country.

Patton: I wish I knew what he was talking about, but I have no idea.

Robert: That's ok.

Sarah: We can translate this into Klingon for you…

Patton: (laughing) Can you put this into Greedo's language?

[Patton breaks into impressions and I'm dying.]

Sarah: Did you get any push back from the Giants, especially with this whole Plaxico situation?

Robert: It's actually been nice and quiet so far. Howard Cross, do you know him? Tight end?

Sarah:Yes

Robert: He's done a few Q&A's for us. He actually interviewed me for a New Jersey news piece. He's kind of been our ambassador. But no, we do not have any formal relationship with the team. We haven't had any issues yet.

Sarah: Until the movie comes out and the phone starts ringing.

Patton: Right

Sarah:So you didn't need permission to use the team name?

Robert: No, we didn't need permission. The first amendment affords us certain rights that are rarely executed in Hollywood. They usually opt not to exercise those rights and make movies about the New York Wizards, you know? As a sports fan, fake teams take me out of the reality the movie. The teams are a part of our culture. They have significance and a resonance. Whenever I see a movie with a fake sports teams, I just don't get it.

Sarah:Last question. In the movie, Paul ultimately has to choose between his team loyalty and money. As a sports fan, which would you choose?

Robert: I don't like suing people…

Patton: The whole idea about these lawsuits, there's something like a lack of pride. There's something about it that rubs me…

Robert: You know, even if it was the right thing to do, I think I'd feel like a real shithead fuck-face asshole if I ever were like…

Patton: I would be very uncomfortable doing it…

Robert: …even if I were at McDonalds and someone poured hot coffee in my lap…

Patton: Like, where do you pull $40 million out of the air? It's like, really? I think McDonalds had to pay $20 million or something.

Sarah: I think the woman you're talking about actually spilled it on herself.

Patton: Really? That's even dumber then.

Robert: See, I'm Jewish, you know? I feel like, you know, there this stereotype…

Sarah: So, no, then?

Robert: I'd just feel like a real dick.

So there you have it. I got a chance to watch the screener and it's definitely worth checking out. Sports fans will find themselves strangely connected to this character, a die-hard radio call-in fan, who clearly needs a reality check. The casting was great (Michael Rapaport plays the nemesis Philly fan) and you leave questioning whether your own fandom goes a bit too far.

It's an amusing caper tale that's fun for the whole family! When Dempsey was 14 years old, he played for an All-Star baseball team that made its way to the Pony League World Series. During the same summer that he was leading his charges on an improbable post season run, their coach, John Jennings, robbed 13 Los Angeles-area banks with the help of a partner. No one suspected a thing, even though his third baseman was the son of an LAPD detective.

Eventually, the FBI caught up to them and Jennings spent 10 years in prison. Six players from that team, including Dempsey, signed professional contracts. One was Robin Yount's brother Larry, who appeared in one game as a pitcher for the Houston Astros, but hurt his arm warming up and never got to throw a major league pitch. (Hardest hard luck story ever.)

Dempsey has been trying to option the idea for years, and finally got Happy Madison (Adam Sandler's company) to bite. The story sounds like a golden (and hilarious) premise for a summer comedy—but since it is not based on a comic book or an old TV show it will probably never get produced.

Happy Madison plays ball [Variety]
Rick Dempsey & The Bank Robbers [Baltimore Sun, via NetShrine]

I'm not saying that they're not effective (they do get the word out) but do they have to do every movie? During the playoffs this year I counted Star Trek, Land of the Lost, Transformers 2 and Year One-with the basketball/movie connection getting progressively more idiotic. Also, am I making this up, or did they once do "The Chronicles of Riddick?

Hence the wish list. If there's anyone out there with iMovie and free-time, I'd really like to see a nonsensical NBA Playoff mashup with any of the following films:

Gettysburg
Au Revoir Les Enfants
Remains of the Day
Blue Velvet
Synechdoche, New York
Kangaroo Jack
The Triplets of Belleville
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Deep Throat
Lawrence of Arabia

We could do this all day.

Daniel-San appeared on the Boomer and Carton show on WFAN radio on Tuesday, and it didn't take long for the topic to land on our favorite 1984 film. Macchio:

"I'm not so sure I'm out of that mold outside of the fact that I'm aging enough that I don't look exactly as I did twenty something years ago. That movie came about at a certain time and it was a pretty big hit and it sort of stood the test of time through generations. It's a tough thing to shake, I was in the films "The Outsiders" and "My Cousin Vinny" and these other films that found their place, but I think on my tombstone, The Karate Kid will be between my first and last name."

Of course you knew that Will Smith is directing a remake, to star his son, Jaden. Hmm, is this wise?

"So one day I get this phone call and it's Will Smith asking for advice. I told him that if you can find your own way to carve your own angle into the story, the story will work forever. It's whether you guys choose to do a copycat version. ... I think it's going to be a tall order and I think replacing what Pat Morita, the magic of Mr. Miyagi is going to be a huge task."

And who will play that role? Oh no.

Why must all of out favorite cult movies be despoiled? And more importantly, who will play Johnny Lawrence? Oh, this thing has disaster written all over it. I can't wait to see it.

Wax On Wax Off [Sports Radio Interviews]
WFAN
Will Smith Calls Ralph Macchio For Karate Kid Advice [StarPulse]
Jackie Chan: Karate Kid's New Mr. Miyagi? [The Huffington Post]

But ever year there's a movie that one William F. Leitch falls madly in love with just based on a trailer or a concept alone, then if the movie turns out to be everything he'd hoped it be, he becomes obsessed with it. One year it was "Punch Drunk Love"; this year, it's "The Wrestler" directed by Darren "Ass to Ass" Aronofsky and starring Mickey Rourke as a Randy "Macho Man" Savage-like character. Even though it's an odd premise, the film is inexplicably getting all sorts of Oscar talk right now. And, Will, of course, has vowed to pound this drum until everyone listens to him and Mickey Rourke gets his statue. (If you don't agree with this notion he will most likely say something along the lines of "I'm surprised you're able to walk upright" or something.) Somehow he kept his composure and pulled together "Ten Things You Need To Know About 'The Wrestler'" for New York magazine's Vulture blog. I admit, regardless of how awful an experience it is listening to him yammer about movies, he makes a compelling case for this one:

Rourke’s Randy “the Ram” Robinson was a star wrestler in the eighties, which means the whole movie is soundtracked by glorious, awesome hair metal, his preferred genre. Haven’t heard Accept’s “Balls to the Wall” in a long time? You’re in luck: The Ram rocks out, HARD. One particularly amusing exchange between the Ram and Marisa Tomei’s stripper, Cassidy, features the line, “The eighties fuckin’ ruled, man, till that pussy Cobain came and fucked it all up.” Expect to hear the soundtrack played ironically at Christmas parties on the Lower East Side.

And there are nine more of these.

Ten Things You Need to Know About The Wrestler [Vulture]

Producers have around three weeks to look through their tapes for "horror" and report it to authorities, the General Administration of Press and Publications said in a statement posted on the government Web site. Offending content included "wronged spirits and violent ghosts, monsters, demons, and other inhuman portrayals, strange and supernatural storytelling for the sole purpose of seeking terror and horror," the administration said.

So, the following are definitely banned:

• Halloween.
• Friday the 13th
• The Exorcist
• Planet Terror

On the bubble:

• Ghost Dad
• Addams Family Values
• The Mummy II
• King Kong

Although horrible and frightening, probably OK:

• Over Her Dead Body
• Jumper
• Any Given Sunday
• Good Luck Chuck

Instant death penalty if caught with:

• Fool's Gold

But seriously; WTF, China? With all the genuine misery occurring on in the world that you could help stop, you have the police running around confiscating copies of Alien Vs. Predator? And I thought our priorities were messed up.

Regulators Now Spooked By Ghost Stories [Yahoo News]

But beyond that we say, why so negative? Why can't it be the five best movie performances by an athlete-turned-actor? (Waves magic wand) Ding! And so it shall.

After the jump, we present associate editor Rick Chandler's guide to excellent athlete performances.

Worst Athlete Turned Actors [MSNBC]
The Thing With Two Heads [BlackHorrorMovies.com]

5. Johnny Weissmuller, Tarzan. Weissmuller won five Olympic swimming gold medals and one bronze medal, won 52 U.S. National Championships and set 67 world records. And starred in 12 Tarzan movies. When Mark Spitz jumps into the river from the back of a wildebeest and subdues a crocodile, get back to me.

4. Jim Brown, 100 Rifles. Simply put, Jim Brown kicks ass. He kicked German ass in The Dirty Dozen, he kicked Federali ass in Rio Conchos, and he even kicked alien ass in Mars Attacks! And he kicks ass here, with the added bonus of some sex scenes with Raquel Welch; pretty unconventional stuff for 1969.

3. Woody Strode, Sergeant Rutledge. Now practically lost in the mists of time, John Ford's remarkable 1960 western co-starred Strode as a cavalry sergeant falsely accused of rape and murder. Not a conventional Ford effort, and Strode was no conventional man; he was one of the first black players in the NFL (Los Angeles Rams, 1946) and was also a decathlete at UCLA.

2. Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Airplane. A couple things we'll bet you didn't know: Pete Rose was originally supposed to play Kareem's role in this film ... and David Letterman had a screen test for the role of Ted Striker. We're so glad it ended up as it did.

1. Burt Reynolds, Deliverance. Buddy Reynolds was a star high school halfback in Florida before earning all-conference honors at the same position at Florida State. It was only due to multiple knee injuries that he turned to acting, and with Deliverance, well, what can you say? A defining moment in American film. And even without it, he'd still get the top nod for The Longest Yard. Or Rent-a-Cop.

Zitiste resident Bojan Marceta came up with the idea after seeing Rocky VI, and they've contacted the city of Philadelphia for advice. The statue is designed to symbolize that the people of Zitiste can always bounce back, relying on the simple-minded moviegoing American public that doesn't demand or appreciate creativity a can-do, bounce-back attitude. It's also supposed to attract tourists.

If you think this seems like a bad decision now, it's going to seem like a really bad decision when the statue gets destroyed by a flood.

Rocky to knock out disaster news [Metro.co.uk]

When Will asked if I was interested in being a guest editor for a day, I said, yes, but only on one condition: I was allowed to do a post about RAD ... the Greatest. Movie. Ever. Unfortunately, for some of you at least, Will told me to go crazy and write whatever the hell I wanted too. Woops!

Now, I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again: From the ages of 8-13 my life basically consisted of six things: (1) Kicking a soccer ball at a big red fence in my backyard, (2) Whipping a tennis ball off the hospital wall, (3) Throwing a football over the rhubarb patch in our backyard, (4) Playing Nintendo video games like Mario, Contra, Gyromite w/ the R.O.B., (5) Trading cards, and (6) Watching the movie RAD.

And honestly, that's it. I just really wanted to post a video of Bill Allen and Lori Loughlin slow-dancing on BMX bikes to Send Me An Angel on Deadspin. So... um, thanks, I guess.

And with this final nonsense, I'm done. Have a fantastic New Year's everyone, thanks for putting up with my Track & Field bubble-butt and elastic-burned nutsack today, and enjoy your real guest editor AJ Daulerio until The Man returns from Fair Winds.

Eaten had some internal conflict on his way to the NBA; growing up ashamed of his own height. He played water polo as a child, eventually did get around to basketball in high school, but couldn't get off the bench. He had a brief career as an auto mechanic before UCLA gave him a scholarship to once again sit on the bench. The Jazz ended up spending a 4th round pick on him, and he went on to become the shot-blocking force that we all know, love, and still have posters of in our bedrooms.

"The greatest thing I see is how basketball allowed him to smile and be happy with himself. Everything that has happened was supposed to happen. That's how I feel. It's just beautiful."

The Ryan Leaf Movie Will Probably Be Just Like "Brian's Song" [Deadspin]
The Mark Eaton Story: Coming Soon to a Theater Near You [NBA FanHouse]

What you just saw was the trailer for Leaf: An Almost True Story. I read the article at Football Outsiders three times to convince myself that this wasn't a joke. But it's not. Leaf: An Almost True Story is happening sometime next year.

I understand that you might not share my enthusiasm, but I'm more excited about this than I was the news of the Will Ferrell ABA movie last weekend. Full disclosure: I was a huge Ryan Leaf fan. I'm not kidding. I remember beaming with pride on the day he was drafted; my heart filled with glee that the Chargers had the reckless, doesn't-give-a-damn, cocky prick instead of the polished, safe, say-the-right-thing golden boy Peyton Manning.

And then he ruined every one of my Sundays for about three years. Looking back, my judgment on the Leaf/Manning situation might've been a little off.

But yes, independent film maker Tim Carr is making and starring in the Ryan Leaf movie. The other subjects he considered were Maurice Clarett, Jeff George, George Best, and Billy Ripken. At least Leaf won this one for me.

Too Deep Zone: Leaf! [Football Outsiders]

IMDB lists the plot outline was, "Jackie Moon (Ferrell), the owner-coach-player of the American Baketball Association's Flint Michigan Tropics, rallies his teammates to make their NBA dreams come true."

Will Ferrell may have been born for the sole purpose of playing an ABA player/coach. I don't know that I've ever seen Andre Benjamin act, but that's of secondary importance. Woody Harrelson has been cast, too, though I don't know in what role. He's got a pretty decent track record with basketball movies.

It's described as being in "pre-production," and I don't know exactly what that means, but I think it means the movie is a long, long way away from being in a theatre. There's another reason to keep on living if you were running short.

Andre 3000 becomes basketball pro [Monsters and Critics]

I'm not a movie reviewer, so the best I can probably do for you is to tell you that if you liked Anchorman, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and Wedding Crashers, Talladega Nights can walk proudly amongst any of them. And that's not something I'd say lightly.

Of course, not everyone feels that way. I was a little bit curious as to how NASCAR fans would receive the film. The people quoted here like it. This guy absolutely hated it. But then again, that guy thinks that John C. Reilly was in Anchorman, so, you might not want to take his word for it.

I didn't feel like the movie made fun of NASCAR much at all, which, to be quite honest with you, was a bit of a disappointment to me. Here's the review of the guy sitting in for Roger Ebert (I miss Roger Ebert), here's the Rotten Tomatoes link, and here's a review from a guy who doesn't like Will Ferrell or NASCAR, but loved the movie. And here's a post at Mister Irrelevant with a link to an interview with Sasha Cohen, where he describes some late night hijinx with Will Ferrell.

The Top Grossing Sports Movies Of All Time [Sportsocracy]
'We Had a Little Wrestle' [Mister Irrelevant]
Talladega Nights is dumb and dumber on the NASCAR circuit [Around Osceola]
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby [RogerEbert.com]
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby [Rotten Tomatoes]
'Talladega' an extremely funny movie [2theAdvocate]