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ant sabotage
his beard will go on
Man's Ashes Have More Fun Than He Ever Did
Dear tiny infant Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you, "Jezus," please welcome Big George Helms (pictured here) into your Heavenly kingdom. But first, kindly bear with us as his remains take a couple of laps at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Then its over to the KFC drive-thru, and then straight to you, Lord. Amen. More »
vroom vroom
Nicole Manske Will One Day Rule The World
So you probably new that NASCAR has its own Erin Andrews (although I prefer the original). But did you know that Nicole Manske has her sights set on the NFL? Manske, a former Miss Illinois Teen USA and native of Rockton, Ill. (where she was a high school cheerleader on the same squad with Danica Patrick), was a host on Speed Channel until recently moving over to ESPN to host NASCAR Now. But her plans most likely do not stop there. More »
shake 'n bake!
Making That NASCAR Love Connection
OK, I admit that the photo here is a cheap shot, and is not intended to be a representation of the typical NASCAR fan. After all, the woman isn't flashing her boobs. But let's just get on to the big news: Meet Me At The Races.com is here! If you're like me, you attend NASCAR events for just one reason: to meet your future wife. So now here's your chance. Sure there are a lot of NASCAR dating sites out there, but this is the only one that allows you to make possible love connections right at the race track of your choosing. More »
daytona 500 preview
One Day, NASCAR Will Own Your Ass
The Daytona 500 is this weekend. That's one of the more important of the Cars Going Around In A Circle contests they have on this planet. We don't understand NASCAR, obviously, but we suspect some of you do, so we've asked Jay Busbee, of Sports Gone South, to explain to us why we should care about all this stock car business. More »
nba closer
Those of you constantly demanding to see Dirk Nowitzki leaning out of a car window while taking a lap at the Texas Motor Speedway can stop your letters and e-mails: Your wish has finally been granted. Of course now that I see it, I have the urge to jump in the car and take my dog for a drive. Come'n, boy! (shakes keys). It all occurred on Sunday, as Nowitzki attended a NASCAR race with, among others, Vince Vaughn. Here we have Dirk trying on a helmet and looking a bit like a frightened giraffe. Why the Dirk-NASCAR connection? I have no clue. But I do know that it inspired greatness the following evening, as Nowitzki and the Mavericks lapped the Rockets, 107-98. More »
The Mavericks Invite You To Eat Their Dust
Those of you constantly demanding to see Dirk Nowitzki leaning out of a car window while taking a lap at the Texas Motor Speedway can stop your letters and e-mails: Your wish has finally been granted. Of course now that I see it, I have the urge to jump in the car and take my dog for a drive. Come'n, boy! (shakes keys). It all occurred on Sunday, as Nowitzki attended a NASCAR race with, among others, Vince Vaughn. Here we have Dirk trying on a helmet and looking a bit like a frightened giraffe. Why the Dirk-NASCAR connection? I have no clue. But I do know that it inspired greatness the following evening, as Nowitzki and the Mavericks lapped the Rockets, 107-98. More »
negro nascar
You may remember The Assimilated Negro from his Negro Bowl I coverage for us last year. He returns to us to discuss NASCAR's odd decision to try to Negro-ize their sport. More »
When Assimilation Goes Wrong: Negro NASCAR
You may remember The Assimilated Negro from his Negro Bowl I coverage for us last year. He returns to us to discuss NASCAR's odd decision to try to Negro-ize their sport. More »
stop scratching it will never heal
NASCAR Fans Are Apparently Contagious
We've never been to a NASCAR race, but we imagine their big drunken vats of fun. We think it would be a grand time. The House Homeland Security Committee apparently doesn't agree ... unless they've gotten their shots, anyway. More »
only one man wins
Another Demographic Infuriated By ESPN
We are definitively not NASCAR experts, which takes away one of ours — and many sports fans' — favorite pastimes: Making fun of ESPN coverage of sporting events. Fortunately, the NASCAR diehards are taking care of that for us ... and they're stomping mad this morning. More »
nascar
ESPN Now Doing To NASCAR What It Does To Everything Else
This Friday, the much-hyped — so unusual for them — NASCAR On ESPN series kicks off. We're not inherent NASCAR fans, so we're not sure how the light, delicate ESPN is going to affect the sport's hardcore fans. But it's safe to say those fans are a little nervous. More »
bad idea jeans
A Baby Name Which Will Cause No Future Embarrassment Whatsoever
When all is said and done, I blame the mom. When your last name is Karr, and dad comes up with the brilliant idea of naming the new baby Chevy, that's when you put your foot down, ladies. And you put it down hard ... on dad's genitals while he's sleeping, if necessary. And if he still insists, then you take the kids and get the hell out. More »
coke and heroin
Big Weekend For NASCAR Substances
It was an active weekend in the world of NASCAR. Well, it must have been, anyway, considering we're writing about it. And they involved coke and heroin! More »
sorry kid, the hell is just beginning
Your Importance Is Minimal, Child
We don't mean to imply that Jeff Gordon's newborn child — Ella Sofia Gordon, born yesterday at 9:09 — isn't going to be the most important person in her own family, but the following paragraph appeared on his official site today. (Via the Celebrity Baby Names Blog ... now there's a blog! It's almost as good as Cakes And Babies!) More »
to catch a predator
NASCAR Is Tolerant Of All Kinds Of Things
A fellow named Chip Williams, who used to do public relations work for NASCAR, was sentenced yesterday to 26 years in prison. He pled guilty to charges of using a computer to entice a child into sexual activity and coercing a minor into sexual activity for the purpose of making pornography. More »
women's prison
Most NASCAR Owners Started This Way
Because she adds to what already could be the most historic weekend ever for women in auto racing, let's take a second to appreciate the "NASCAR stripper." More »
literature
Reading Material To Take Your Mind Off The Dale Earnhardt Jr. Thing
I recently become aware of something called the "NASCAR Library Collection." which sounded intriguing. So, what is it, a collection of books on the history of NASCAR, the sport's impact on society, and in-depth biographies of the sport's most interesting figures? More »
nascar
Stone Cold Tony Stewart Tells It Like It Is
If only Don Imus had thought of this. Tony Stewart says he was fighting a fever on Tuesday night on his weekly radio show when he accused NASCAR of rigging their races like professional wrestling, which is a big insult to either NASCAR or professional wrestling, we're not sure which. More »
nascar
