South. S-O-O-U-T-H. South.

The Scripps National Spelling Bee, which alongside poker, cheerleading, and hot dog eating constitute the E for Entertainment in ESPN, featured an actual sports word in the third preliminary round of its competition today in Washington, D.C. as "sabermetrics" made its appearance.

At the tender age of six, Lori Anne Madison just became the youngest person ever to qualify for the Scripps National Nerd Olympics, otherwise known as the Spelling Bee. But despite the media attention and mounting pressure, Lori Anne says she's not nervous at all. "I've been in competitions with older kids before." Her…

America's newest tween spelling champion is Anamika Veeramani. Her sponsor for the Scripps National Spelling Bee? The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio. Here's a word for you, Bron-Bron: F-A-C-E-D!

Laodicean? No problem for Kavya Shivashankar, but I almost feel bad for this girl. For the rest of her life, people are going to ask her to spell things like Krzyzewski, and she's going to have to feign interest. It's not S-H-I-S-H-E-T-S-K-Y; just say N-O and move on. [ESPN]

The Scripps National Spelling Bee is going primetime tonight, but if you weren't in front of a TV this afternoon then you missed out on the drama, the haircuts, and the soul crushing tween angst that makes competitive spelling such a riveting spectator sport.