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Rejoice: The New Mascot In The Washington Nationals' Presidents Race Is William Taft, Our Fattest And Sleepiest President [Update]

At a fan fest today, the Nationals will announce the addition of a new American president to their much-beloved mascot race, which already saw a shake-up late in the Nationals' season when Teddy Roosevelt won for the first time ever. Crowd-pleasers that the Nationals are, they understood that fans really mostly want…

After One Of The Most Excruciating Losses In Postseason History, The Nationals Sent Their Fans A Ticket Presale Notice For The World Series

Want Nationals World Series tickets? That is too bad, because they lost their series with the Cardinals in objectively horrifying fashion last night, and you can't even get NLCS tickets, or any tickets, because there are no more games for the Nationals. The loss was painful, the way they lost was twisting the knife,…

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Bryce Harper Will Train To Become A Firefighter In The Offseason So He'll "Have Something To Fall Back On"

Once upon a time, MLB players held jobs in the offseason. The good ones owned local businesses—car dealerships and the like—the not-so-good ones dug graves. But now that the owners and the union have thoroughly streamlined the process of separating you from your money, players don't need jobs in the offseason anymore.…