It took two days for the L.A. City Council to decide that yes, indeed, the Lakers will get a parade to celebrate their NBA Championship. (You mean it didn't already happen?) But only after they managed to round up enough private donors to reimburse the city for its cost. You know, since the the whole state of California is essentially a bankrupt suburban hellscape. Hmmm, I thought the Terminator guy who made Red Sonja was taking care of all that.

Rich people ... is there anything they can't do?

Anyway, head on down to the Staples Center tomorrow morning at 11 and watch Adam Morrison do a little dance. Suggested donation: $11 billion dollars. (Hey, it's for teachers.)

L.A. City Council to vote on Lakers' parade [Los Angeles Times]
Donors Fund Lakers Parade as Unions Say City Can't Afford Cost [Bloomberg]
Pittsburgh honors Penguins; 375,000 pack Downtown to cheer Stanley Cup champs [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
My Kid's Teacher is Being Laid Off [Mom Logic]

Ok, no one believes he's completely devoid of talent, but did he maybe get a boost from having three of the greatest players ever come under his wing? NBA coaches in this era seem to be praised mostly for their ability to not get in the way of their players—and he does seem to be the best at not being the way. But do his ten titles over two decades compare to the absolutely dominance of Red Auerbach and his Celtics. (He did have Bill Russell for Pete's sake.) Let's ask someone who would really know ... Red Auerbach's son!

"Not to take away from Phil, but it's a different record," said Randy Auerbach, who lives in Los Angeles. "You're talking about a record with one team in which he won the first one and then won in eight consecutive years. Phil did it with two different teams and it wasn't consistently. It's about quantity. If that's his case, good for him.

"But it has to be broken down. It's a different record. How do you compare eight in a row, nine in 10 years?"

Good point, Randy! Now, let's ask some people who aren't completely in the tank for their old man.

Mark Woods, The Guardian

This championship may be Jackson's finest hour. Pau Gasol is no Scottie Pippen or O'Neal. Even the late Auerbach could not dispute the role Jackson has had in reshaping the Lakers from the 34-win crew that stumbled through his gap year. Twelve months ago, the Boston Celtics demolished and demoralised their old rivals in the finals. Someone had to pick up the vanquished and dust them off. Two hip replacements mean that Jackson is no longer jumping up and down on the sidelines as he once did in Chicago. Yet quietly, in his own understated manner, he has done what he always did: prodding and cajoling when required, but otherwise letting his players utilise the talents within.

Charles Barkley

I don't know if he's the greatest coach of all time, but Phil Jackson is in the conversation. I mean, you win 10 championships — that's pretty impressive. But I don't think he's coming back. Phil's done. I just think he's had enough. He's definitely gone. That's just my opinion, though.

Brian McCormick, The Crossover Movement

For some reason, we expect our coaches to yell and scream. We want to see them coaching in order to believe that they have an impact on the team. When Phil Jackson sits calmly through a game and trusts his players to make the right play, somehow that diminishes his coaching ability or reputation. This public criticism permeates every level of basketball. New coaches watch the games and listen to a player pop-off about Jackson's non-coaching, and suddenly he adopts the opposite approach with his son's under-10 team, pacing the sidelines, yelling at players, calling plays every time down court, questioning officials, etc.

Larry Brown (no, not that one), Larry Brown Sports

But even if the 10 rings suggest something else, I'd still have a hard time saying that he's the greatest coach in the game when a guy like Gregg Popovich is around

Kevin Ding, Orange Country Register

He is a champion again, but he is an altogether different champion. "He has become a giver rather than just a guy who is a demanding leader. And that's been great for him and great to watch." It pushed Bryant forward even further in prioritizing his teammates' development.

(Sorry, that was written about Kobe Bryant, believe it or not.)

Harvey Araton, New York Times

True, Jackson inherited the ringless Michael Jordan in Chicago and later Shaquille O'Neal in Los Angeles. But as Jim Cleamons, a longtime Jackson assistant, said: "Every situation that Phil has coached in, the team hadn't won before he got there. That, too, is a fact."

I always believed that Jackson, with three titles at the time, certified his greatness that season [1993-94], when his Airness-less team might have gone to the finals had a referee, Hue Hollins, not made one of the worst bailout calls (for the Knicks' Hubert Davis, against Scottie Pippen) in the history of the sport.

T.J. Simers, LA Times

Phil obviously has a knack for working with headstrong, gifted athletes, and have you noticed the softening in Kobe's demeanor the last few games? It has been striking....

No question he's different now from where he was when this series started, history suggesting it's probably the Zen Master at work again — his calmness wearing off on others, and at the same time making it almost appear as if he's doing nothing. And no one does nothing better than Phil.

Jay Mariotti:

They're as different as Yoda and Danny DeVito, the Grateful Dead and Weird Al Yankovic, a complete.....

What? Oh, nevermind. Phil Jackson: He's a pretty good coach.

Any locals out in the Southland take part in the "celebration" last night? If you have your own photos/stories from the heart of darkness (or if you make it to the parade this week), send 'em in. You too, Pittsburgh. There's must be something left to burn there.

Walking downtown Los Angeles after the Lakers win the NBA championship [LA Times]
At least 25 arrested amid unrest after Lakers victory [LA Times]

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin, even when others don't. Tomorrow: back to basics.

Jonathan Weaver of Las Vegas chose ... poorly. His girlfriend, Amy, had something stupid to do, like "school", but he wanted to watch Game 3 of the NBA Finals on Tuesday. (Actually, his original plan was a minor league baseball game, but the ball and chain vetoed that.) Left with two kids (ages 1 and 2) and desperate for sports action, Weaver tied the kids up in their car seats, bound their hands—so they would touch his tools; safety first!—tied rope around their necks, stuffed cloth in their mouth, and left the young boys in the garage. Then he went down to PT's Pub to watch the game—even though he's under 21 and shouldn't have been allowed in.

Police said Weaver didn't think leaving the children was a big deal "because they have had campouts inside" the garage.

Sure. That makes sense. Did I forget to mention that mom—who was not charged with attempted murder like SuperNanny was—is pregnant with Weaver's kid? Happy Father's Day!

Police: Child Abuse Suspect Didn't Want To Miss Game - Las Vegas News Story [KVVU]
Via: Bad Boyfriend Ties up Kids to Watch Game 3 of Finals [You Been Blinded]

Just before the Lakers came back and stomped Disney World's heart into oblivion, two little ladies having, presumably, a Cosmo-fueled good time decided to take full advantage of their seat locations behind Mark Jackson. Then one fell:

And this is how reality shows on Bravo come to life.

Update: Here's a better version courtesy of Yardbarker.

****

Good morning. It's Friday. Show your swords.

Leading the charge today is the only writer Jason Whitlock hates more than Will Leitch, Page 2's hypnotic Scoop Jackson who gifts us with "Kobe Thrives On All Our Hate":

Hello, my name is Hate. I've been around for a long time. Thanks for creating me.

I'm here today to talk about Kobe Bryant. Yeah, you know, that dude. The one who keeps me alive, simply because of the way so many of you feel about him. You see, there's hate, and then there's the way millions feel about him. There's animosity, jealousy, anger … and then there's the way so many of you..."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. Scoop Jackson's hollerin' at The Haters or whatever it is Scoop Jackson does. Fist-jab for Scoop. But he's not the only one who's come to pay early respects to Kobe prior to him winning this title. Here comes ornery Oregonian writer Geoffrey C. Arnold who does his own version of hollerin' at The Haters by letting everyone know well in advance that Kobe's already great — but he's going to be one of The Greatest after this victory because it's the first title he's going to win by HIMSELF:

Jordan played with Scottie Pippen, likely a Hall of Fame selectee. Chamberlain had Billy Cunningham (Philadelphia) and Jerry West (Lakers). Russell played with a bunch of Hall of Fame players, including John Havlicek and Bob Cousy. Johnson enjoyed the talents of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and James Worthy. Bird teamed with Kevin McHale and Robert Parish, both in the Hall of Fame.

Bryant's most talented teammate is Pau Gasol. Gasol is a two-time All-Star, but it's questionable if he'll be enshrined in the Hall of Fame. After Gasol it's Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum and Trevor Ariza.

Sweet Google-y moogly, Geoff, you're right. Compared to the other Greatest NBA Players to win titles, Kobe's the only one to do it with such an inferior supporting cast. He's playing with the Filipino transexual team compared to what Jordan, Chamberlain, and Russell had to work with. Fist-jab, chest-bump for Geoff.

And here's NBA.com's Vince Thomas who is letting us all know that, win or lose, Kobe's got nothing to prove to nobody no more so let him holler at The Haters for a bit:

This is a public service announcement for Kobe Bryant. He is two wins away from his FOURTH ring, not two wins away from his FIRST ring. The rhetoric — for the five years since Shaq bounced from Hollywood to Hollywood South — has been revisionist, ignorant and misguided. "Kobe's never won a ring without Shaq." That's what they've said. What they've meant is, "Kobe only won those rings because of Shaq. Those were coattail rings. His rings were Scottie Pippen rings, James Worthy rings." Excuse the juvenile retort, but — shut up!

Jump back! Anyway, fist-jab-chest-bump-elbow-wiggle-bro-hug for Vince. You did Kobe right.

Magic/Lakers Game Three tonight (Skeets?). Oh and hockey. (Dash will update if the Wings win tonight, I am told. Hooray for Dash)

Kobe Bryant Police Interview Courtesy Of The Smoking Gun

*****

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin, those of you still left to thank in this section. Who's out there? Can't see too well. Oh, hey UkraineNotWeak. Yeah, I see you. You got friends down there? Good. Enjoy the games.

Even the Magic fans watching this game with Orlando Sentinel cheat sheets knew it was over very, very early. Kobe, playing on Black Mamba "stun" setting, went 40/8/8. Look at that expression. That's Kobe's mindset right now. In or out, NBA fans.

PHOTO: Jeff Golden

****

Good morning. Welcome to Friday. Guest Editor intro post in 15 minutes. Now dance.

Despite its many issues, I think the NHL has made a lot of strides this year in the public's mind and has certainly come a long way from the dead and buried league of the lockout year. Meanwhile, the NBA seems to be having a crisis of confidence thanks to their officials, their money issues, their age limit, their draft lottery, their logo ... It's a running joke that the league only has one fan and he just wrote a 700-page book that will only be read on the toilet. But someone has to be sitting on that can. It won't soothe any minds to know that LeBron isn't around this week, but we'll always have Vitamin Water.

Both leagues need something big to happen in their championship series—so who are the ad wizards that decided to put both games on at the same time, leaving us nothing to watch on Wednesday or Friday? Super job, guys. Doesn't anyone in the league offices know how to work the E-mail?

Anyway, since we're all in a bind here, I'm genuinely curious what you would choose. And you can't say "Tivo" or "the clicker" or "I don't get Versus," because that's completely beside the point. If you could only watch one game tonight, what would it be? I know that both leagues have fans, but where are they and how many? This hastily thrown together, non-scientific web poll should settle the matter quite nicely.

Datsyuk hopes happy feet mean he's playing tonight [Toronto Star]
Magic, Lakers kick off NBA Finals at Staples Center [Seattle PI]

Fans tend to get annoyed by the fair-weather dorks who suddenly become experts in the local sports franchise the moment they win two consecutive playoff games, and I certainly sympathize with that. But sometimes you've got to cut the locals some slack. When you're gunning for a championship, manufactured enthusiasm from your friends and co-workers is better than snooty indifference. But the new guys should make an effort to not embarrass themselves when the National Media tries to interview them on the street, so I applaud the Sentinel's efforts to educate the populace. Even if they seriously discount the supposed basketball intelligence of Central Florida.

Here's some sample questions from the "getting to know your basketball team" Q&A:

• Why is there a 24-second clock over the basketball hoop?
• What does "in the paint" mean?
• The announcer shouts something about scoring off the dribble. What does "off the dribble" mean?
• You may have noticed a number of NBA players have their heads adorned with headbands (no matter how dorky they look). None of the Orlando Magic players wears them. Is that by choice?
• I thought goal tending was a position in soccer. It's not?
• Is a technical foul really technical?
• What's the deal with the one sleeve worn by some players?

Actually, I've been wondering about that last one for awhile now.

New to the Orlando Magic bandwagon? Here's a guide for new fans [Orlando Sentinel]

Breen seems to have something of a following out there, and the only possible explanation is that he appeals to the kind of glowering basketball fan who secretly hates basketball. As usual, Free Darko has the definitive take:

Mike Breen sounds as though he'd prefer to file a book report about lacing sneakers and holding the ball high rather than to actually think about the fluid, emotional, athletic, personality-driven sport of basketball. ... [C]onservative, judgmental, preachy, sufficient, and bland. That is Mike Breen, an unimaginative man who peers out at the basketball world through a colorless lens that precludes the sort of expansive, emotional, romantic vision that best and properly captures the NBA.

Nuggets-Lakers, Game 4 — Dahntay Jones shakes loose and finds himself on an easy breakaway and, instead of a layup or a simple dunk, opts for a big, bright, dunk-contest, fuck-you of a windmill. You can watch it here. It was a wonderful, prideful moment in a very big game. It would've been a wonderful, prideful moment had he clanged the ball off the back of the rim and into the loge seats. It was the sort of thing that briefly made the Nuggets the best, most unconstipated thing about the playoffs. Breen's response: "It still counts as two."

This is already shaping up to be a mostly colorless finals, unless you're the sort of person captivated by storylines involving the Van Gundy brothers and candy. And now here comes Mike Breen, with his "Bang!"s and his "Blocked!"s, who will primly usher the whole damn show into ratings oblivion. I fear for these finals. People seem to be on the verge of turning them into a morality play about sportsmanship and teamwork, and Breen (who is a sure bet to share his thoughts about LeBron's Psych Heard 'Round The World) will be right at home here.

The NBA: where moralizing happens.

Toothpicks Do Not Add up to Salvation [Free Darko]

1. Michael Beasley: Dude is a straight-up athlete. His size, strength, and Plastic Man-like arms allow him to score from inside (53 percent shooting) and out (38 percent from three). During his freshman year at Kansas, he put up points (26.2), pulled down boards (12.4) and showed great versatility (in the NBA, he'll be able to play either SF or PF). His 1:2.5 assist-to-turnover ratio is a concern (think Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph), but let's face it: You want Beasley scoring, not running the offense. His biggest drawbacks seem to be that he's "immature" and — instead of the 6'10" he was reported to be in college — he's actually about four feet tall.

2. Derrick Rose: This kid is a strong, speedy PG who can blow by his man and shoot from distance but tends to think pass-first (ala Deron Williams). The biggest positive, though, is that he's solid on offense and defense. He's supposed to be a great leader, too. The biggest negatives are his sometimes clunky jumper (think a slightly better version of Rajon Rondo) and his poor freethrow stroke (71 percent). Fun fact: Rose has a tattoo on his left biceps depicting a wizard holding a staff in one hand and a basketball in the other. The tat is below the word "Poohdini."

3. O.J. Mayo: He's a shooter who can also get to the hoop and finish. People say he's very strong and has an "NBA-ready body" (I assume this means he's capable of fathering multiple children with several different women). Mayo can light it up (20.7 PPG last season) and bomb from deep (41 percent three-point shooting), and he can also D-up (when he chooses to). Unfortunately, he tends to believe that "defense" is just "waiting to get back on offense." Furthermore, he doesn't have a mid-range jumper and he's not much of a passer (3.3 APG compared to 3.5 TOs). Reports say that he's an egomaniac...but what NBA player isn't?

4. Jerryd Bayless: Don't be concerned by the fact that there are some vowels missing from his first name. Jerryd can score (19.7 PPG) and shoot (41 percent from downtown), and his decision-making ain't bad (1.4:1 assist-to-turnover ratio). A lightning-quick first step combined with mad springs allow him shuttle past his defenders, which sure compliments his air game. Don't expect this kid to hit the glass, though. And his defense is a little lacking for somebody so athletic (only 1.0 SPG). Can get a little shot-happy from time to time.

5. Kevin Love: Everything inside my brain is screaming to drop Love out of the Top 5. He's a white banger who draws favorable comparisons to Bill Walton. Need I say more? He put up numbers (17.5 PPG and 10.6 RPG) while shooting lights out (56 percent), and is considered an "amazing passer" despite his 1.9:2.0 assist-to-turnover ratio. He has a complete offensive game — baby hooks, mid-range jumpers, long-distance bombs, fantastic shot fakes, etc. — and he's tough on the boards and his opponents. But he's slow, bound by gravity, lacks stamina and has already struggled with knee issues. All of which mean he could end up being more Ostertag than Walton.

6. Russell Westbrook: I'll admit it: Westbrook has seduced me with his athleticism. He can sprint and slash, and explodes off the ground like NASA built him. He's not a great ball-handler and can't hit consistently from distance, but he's an above average passer who has shown a knack for improvement. He has strong work ethic and an aching hunger to play defense. He has...I can't believe I'm saying it...incredible upside.

7. Danilo Gallinari: Hey, what would the Top 10 be without at least one Euro player? And the G-Man is your typical Euro-style baller: He can score, rebound and pass, moves without the ball, hits from mid-range and has the all-important "high basketball IQ" (read that: he's not fast or athletic, but he can still play). He's got some solid pro-lite experience playing in the Italian league — in 2006 he was nominated best Italian player of LegADue championship and he was recently awarded with the Euroleague 2007-08 Rising Star Trophy — but anybody described as "a better long-term prospect than Andrea Bargnani" makes me nervous. Very nervous.

8. Eric Gordon: Some say he's like Ben Gordon 2.0. Okay, I said that, but still. The kid's a jumping jack who can shoot from area code range and take it to the hoop thanks to his crazy speed and springs. He's also a rugged defender who knows how to play the game. Unfortunately — to continue the Ben Gordon comparison — he's small for a SG (6'3") but not really cut out for point duty (mediocre handles, questionable shot selection, erratic passing). His shooting got ugly after he suffered a wrist injury in January. But he should be fine now. Ideal role: Sparkplug off the bench who can put up points fast.

9. Brook Lopez: Normally, I'd never let somebody named "Brook" sneak into my Top 10. However, the dude is big (7'1") and beefy (258 lbs), and he has a wide range of post moves. Hell, he can even stroke the J from up to 18 feet out. He's reasonably athletic and has a solid mind for hoops, but he's a little substandard on the boards despite his size and athleticism (8.2 RPG last season). His shot selection is sometimes under suspicion of sucking.

10. D.J. Augustin: This kid can score (19.2 PPG last season) and serve the rock (5.8 APG with a 2.1:1.0 assist-to-turnover ratio). He can bomb from outside (38 percent three-point shooting) and use his speed and springs to get to the rim...and finish. Here's the problem: He's not even as tall as the 6'0" he's listed at (probably closer to 5'10"). So no matter how talented he is — and he's really, really talented — that kind of, ahem, shortcoming will make it hard for any team to play him consistently against bigger PGs (which is just about everybody).

11. Joe Alexander: This guy has skills (scores inside and out, can leap out of the gym, knows the game, quick on his feet) and pedigree (three seasons at West Virginia). BUT...he can't handle the rock, tends to streak (at best) from distance and is a so-so rebounder for somebody his size. Makes me think of Brad Lohaus, and that's not a good thing. But one scout claimed that Joe is "obsessed" with improving and reminds him more of Tom Chambers. Maybe he's somewhere in between, more of a Brad Chambers, perhaps.

12. Brandon Rush: Rush is athletic, tall for a SG (6'7") and can flat-out light it up from Three Land (43 percent over three seasons at Kansas). Rush also rebounds well for a guard. He's strong, long-armed and versatile enough to play spot duty at SF. Three years at college means he's (probably) more mature and ready to contribute than most of the one-and-dones. The digs are that his handles are broke and he can't create his own shot. He's also had a history of ACL woes and he can't straighten his arm because of a childhood elbow injury.

13. Kosta Koufos: Typically, I don't trust big men from Ohio State. Remember that Greg Oden guy who went number one last year? What a bust! But it's hard to pass up a seven-footer with the wingspan of a pterodactyl who can score inside, shoot from outside and throw his weight around. He had a decent freshman year and averaged 26.5 points, 13 rebounds, 3.5 blocks and 1.4 steals in the U-18 European Championships this summer. That's the good news. The bad news is he's a sluggish defender who tends to disappear when he's not playing well...and his toughness has already come under question. Might be Darko Milicic 2.0.

14. Anthony Randolph: Athletic. Go-Go Gadget Arms. Wacko springs. Offense from the low post to mid-range. Fast. A solid rebounder and shot blocker. So why's he here instead of up there? Dude is a freaking twig: He's 6'10" but only 197 pounds. It's time to invest Beefcake 2000, otherwise a strong wind might blow this kid and all his potential far, far away.

15. Darrell Arthur: Mr. Arthur can streak from end line to end line, and his length and superior athletic ability allow him to score and defend against both SFs and PFs. He can score with his back to the basket and hit from the middle of the floor, and he'll even crash the boards. The not-so-upside is that he's a bit puny for the forward position, lacks three-point range and has been labeled a "black hole." Not good. Oh, and he tends to zone out. He's gotten this far on potential. It'll be interesting to see if he realizes it.

The goofy looks around the bar at halftime betrayed any fear of jinxing; this title was happening, and one couldn't pretend otherwise. The dominance of the Celtics was overwhelming, all-encompassing and enthralling; it really had the feel of a Harlem Globetrotters-Washington Generals game. Down the stretch, it was like a band winding down a great set. There's Big Baby Davis with a dunk! Leon Powe! Eddie House! Give it up for James Posey! Everybody got their moment. What drama was sucked out by the blowout was more than made up for by the emotional earthquake afterwards; we were legitimately frightened Kevin Garnett was going to explode into a splash of blood and confetti.

It was a celebration, a reminder of what Boston basketball once was and what it was again. We found it best not to attach the Celtics to the Patriots and the Red Sox; let the true diehards have their moment, for they had earned it. (Though if the Celtics win again next year, all bets are off.)

We'll talk about Kobe Bryant and how no one can ever think of him the same, no matter what happens the rest of his career, a little later. For now, we congratulate the Celtics and their fans; these come along rarely, even for Boston fans, and must be held as tightly, for as long, as possible.

Complete and utter destruction. There's no other way to describe last night's 131-92 obliteration of the Los Angeles Lakers. The Boston Celtics didn't just earn their 17th banner, they wrapped it around the Lakers' collective neck and choked them with it. The 39-point bulge set an NBA Finals record for the largest margin in a deciding game. Boston pounded L.A. on the boards (48-29), bogarted the ball at every opportunity (a Finals record 18 steals) and put up a defensive wall the likes of which none of the Lakers — including regular season MVP Kobe Bryant — had ever seen.

"They were definitely the best defense I've seen the entire playoffs. I've seen some pretty stiff ones and this was right up there with them." The entire playoffs? How about his entire career? To my knowledge, no team has ever done such a good job of containing and/or flat-out stopping the Mamba over eight games — twice during the regular season and six times during the finals — than these Celtics. And I'm not talking about the skittish rookie who was tossing up airballs against the Jazz in 1997. I'm talking about Kobe at the height of his powers during his MVP season. Tom Thibodeaux, none of us are worthy.

The Celtic roster was filled with heroes. Paul Pierce, playing on his famously (or infamously) injured knee, finished with 17 points, 10 assists and 1 Finals MVP award. Kevin Garnett, who described his performance in Game 5 as "trash" and "garbage," had 26 points, 14 rebounds, 4 assists, and three steals. Ray Allen, who almost got his eye gouged out, hit seven three-pointers and scored 26 points. Rajon Rondo, who was left for dead by everybody outside of the Boston locker room, scored 21 points (on 20 shots) to go along with 7 rebounds, 8 assists and 6 steals. James Posey was 3-for-3 from beyond the arc. And the rest of the lineup did what they had to do.

Meanwhile, the Laker roster was filled with goats. Kobe, after opening the game with 11 points on 4-for-5 shooting, missed seven shots in a row and finished with 22 points (7-for-22), 3 rebounds, 1 assist and 4 turnovers. Lamar Odom had a double-double (14 points, 10 rebounds) but shot 2-for-8 and missed five free throws. Pau Gasol (11 points, 8 boards) played small and coughed up the ball five times. Vladimir Radmanovic took some awful threes and barely finished with more points (6) than fouls (5). And...well, you get the picture.

The only downside of the amazing turnaround from 24 wins to an NBA title — at the expense of the hated Lakers no less — is the fact that Red Auerbach didn't live long enough to see it happen. But I have to assume that Red passed the Celtic matrix of leadership on to Danny Ainge, Optimus Prime-style. Because, let's face it, last summer Ainge put together a championship team faster than I can make a grilled cheese sandwich. (Damn my hook hands!)

And Paul Pierce, who (unlike some superstars) spent years and years playing (for the most part) selflessly for bad teams, has finally carved out his own spot in Celtic lore. Said the Truth: "It means so much more because these are the guys, the Havliceks, the Bill Russells, the Cousys. These guys started what's going on with those banners. They don't hang up any other banners but championship ones. And now I'm part of it."

And so is Kevin Garnett, who was bursting apart at the seams after the win, dropping to his knees and kissing the Celtic leprechaun before embracing his hero/father figure Bill Russell and saying: "I got my own! I got my own!"

Said Russell: "You sure did."

Ubuntu.s

The game was almost a formality. Hey, it was nice of the Lakers to show up to the arena and wear different-colored jerseys in hopes that the Celtics didn't have to clinch by doing lay-up drills, but that's what it felt like. I mean, seriously? A freakin' 39-point victory to finish the series? This is what it came to. Somebody fiddled with the NBA Jam cheats for the Boston side and enabled everything but large heads.

Where was the drama? Where was the semblance of a comeback by the venerable Phil Jackson, the assassin Kobe Bryant and his now-trusted teammates? Moreover, when do his trade rumors start up again?

So there you have it. Boston is again a championship town. Phew, that was a harrowing couple of months.

Kevin Garnett. KG dropped an greasy stink bomb in Boston's Game 5 loss. And he knew it. This is how Garnett described his craptacular performance: "It was trash. I played like garbage tonight." But he also said, "I can do better and I will," later adding that "It's going to be like coming into the Amazon, into the jungle. I look forward to coming home and playing." Ooooookay. Well, KG, giving the Celtics some scoring, rebounding, and sound interior defense would be nice. Avoiding a bunch of stupid reaching fouls would be even better.

Fickle fate, Part I. The Celtics have two chances at home to win the title...and that's about the only thing they have going in their favor right now. Paul Pierce has a bum knee and nobody knows how bad it is (he refused an MRI because he didn't want to know had bad the damage was until after the Finals). Rajon Rondo sprained his ankle and his confidence. Kendrick Perkins has a strained shoulder and is a game-time decision (my prediction: he plays, but poorly). And, finally, Ray Allen has been dealing with an undisclosed health issue with one of his kids. Note to Danny Ainge: This is what happens when you make a deal with the Devil. It never ends well.

Fickle Fate, Part II. As if all that crap wasn't enough, the Celtics - like the Spurs before them — had plane problems after a critical playoff game. The team was supposed to leave L.A. yesterday at 11 a.m. Pacific time, but because of mechanical issues with the plane, they didn't leave until after 2:30 p.m., and they arrived at Hanscom Field in Bedford around 10:30 p.m. Eastern time. So basically, instead of being all banged up, they get to be banged up and tired. But what can you do? Nothing, according to Doc Rivers. "There's nothing you can do about it. It's a tough one, as tough as you can have. I think going West to East is tougher. Sleep patterns are messed up. There's no way around it. It's just a tough turnaround. I wish we could do this on Thursday and just skip a Tuesday." And I wish I was swimming in a giant money bin full of gold coins and hookers, but it's probably not in the cards.

Officiating. Tonight's referees: Eddie F. Rush, Bennett Salvatore, and Joey Crawford. And we all know about the controversies surrounding the last two (but you can go here to read about it if you want). For some reason, the ongoing officiating situation reminds me of that scene from Monty Python and The Holy Grail where the townspeople are trying to prove that chick is a witch. With the refs being the townspeople, of course.

Must-not-see TV, Part I. This is Celtics-Lakers, baby! Everybody's watching, right? Wrong. This year's NBA Finals are currently on pace for only the sixth-best championship round rating in the 10 years since Michael Jordan pushed off of Bryon Russell and shot his way to a storybook ending that he would later totally ruin by playing in Washington. Anyway, the ratings for Game 5 were up 11 percent from Game 5 of the 2006 Heat-Mavs Finals, which is only slightly more impressive than being named "primary staff contact" for your local Storm Trooper garrison. I blame the NBA. That week of waiting for the Finals was stuffed so full of classic games and hype articles that even die-hard basketball fans are vomiting purple and gold and pooping out green and white.

Must-not-see TV, Part II. Boston sportswriter Bob Ryan has his pink princess panties all in a bunch over how unwatchable the Finals have been so far. Because three out of five games featuring 20-point comebacks with thrilling finishes is totally yawntastic. I'm sure that Bob is dreaming wistfully of those halcyon days of 1984 when his beloved Celtics won the championship despite shooting 39 percent from the field...now that would be awesome.

Matt Damon. He's a Celtics fan who — according to Bill Simmons — had the temerity to root for his team in the vicinity of Phil Jackson. And Phil Jackson didn't like that. Apparently, the Zen Master told Damon to "Sit down and shut the fuck up." Ouchie. Sounds like Phil needs a little daily om. Anyway, the real reason I brought this up was so I could link to this clip from Team America: World Police. Matt Damon!!!

He said it. Paul Pierce, who dropped a mighty 38 on the Lakers in Game 5, proved he could shoot off at the mouth, too. Said the Truth: "We're one up, with two games to go at home. It still feels like we have the advantage, and I do feel like we're the better team." Oh, man. Aren't guys supposed to save the whole "we're the better team" shtick for when they're whining and making excuses about why they lost? Just ask Doug Christie.

Kobe Bryant. He's spent the last several days talking about Harry Potter and reminiscing about how his grandparents used to live in Muhammad Ali's old house. Which I guess is his way of avoiding the subject of how the Celtics have contained him and all the discussion about how he's not like Mike after all. But boy wizards and old boxers aside, Kobe needs to stop bleeping the bleep out of his teammates and bleep up the Boston defense, because if he doesn't dominate, the Lakers are finished.

We hope that Sox fans will remember how Busch Stadium security — in a move that's pretty magnanimous even for St. Louis fans — allowed Red Sox boosters outside the old Busch Stadium to watch the end of Game 4 of the World Series for free. You have to be nice to us now, right?

More to the point: For all the success, infuriating and otherwise, that the New England area has had to celebrate over the last few years, they've never actually clinched a title at home. Both the World Series wins were on the road, and the Super Bowl wins were, you know, at the Super Bowl. We are curious how Boston will handle a hometown championship win.

If it happens, of course.