When last we saw them: Finished 50-32, second in the Northwest Division and eighth overall in the West. This earned them the right to serve as the Lakers' hors d'oeuvres in the first round. (Cocktail weenies! Yum!) Note that the Nuggets had the dubious distinction of being the only team that was swept out of any round of last year's playoffs. In fact, Carmelo Anthony even accused the team of quitting. It's called "Leadership," people. Look it up.

Key Arrivals: Chris Andersen (CAW!), Dahntay Jones, Renaldo Balkman (a Knicks castoff! Yes!), Sonny Weems (I like saying "Weems." What about you?)

Key Departures: Bobby Jones, Eduardo Najera (his hair will be sorely missed), Marcus Camby (his defense will be very sorely missed), Taurean Green, Yakhouba Diawara (huh?)

The Good: Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson can and will drop 40-50 points any and every night (even if it takes them 40-50 shots to do it). In fact, the entire team can put the biscuit in the basket: The Nuggets were second in the league in PPG last season (110.7) and sixth in field goal percentage (47.0). Coach George Karl is inspired to deal with the team's crippling weaknesses face the team's varied challenges: "We have probably our most difficult challenge since I've been here, but that's fun, too. If the chemistry goes the right way and the ball bounces the right way, we can be better than we've ever been." (And if random wishes come true, the world's evil will suddenly transform into delicious cupcakes.) Anthony sounds ready to actually, you know, stop opponents and stuff: "My teammates seen what I did this summer on the defensive end. With Marcus Camby gone...it's going to almost force us to come together and play defense as a whole and not just have to rely on one person." (Yeah. I'll believe it when I "seen" it, Carmelo.) It's possible that Camby was the problem all along. J.R. Smith and Linas Kleiza both get off the bench shooting. (But, uhm, hey J.R., the rim is 10 feet high.) Kenyon Martin's flame is, apparently, still burning. Oh, and Chris Andersen is totally awesome.

The Bad: Denver's defense was a joke last season. A bad one. (Like: Knock Knock. Who's there? Amahl! Amahl who? Amahl shook up!) And don't bother quoting their defensive efficiency stats to me. The fact is, they couldn't stop opposing teams — especially the good ones — when they really needed to, and that, more than anything else, was why they failed. (And even thier coach knew it.) Not only did they not address this acquiring a defensive-minded player (like, for instance, Ron Artest), they traded away their best (read that: only) defensive player...for nothing. Carmelo and A.I. are still volume shooters who need to handle the rock too much. Iverson's contract is up this year, and it's currently unknown whether the Nuggets will resign him, allow him to leave via free agency or trade him at mid-season, and history has shown that a superstar's contract status can have a negative effect on his play and team chemistry. Much of Denver's hopes rest on the broad shoulders of Nene, but there's no telling if he's back to 100 percent and ready to finally live up to his contractual expectations. (My guess: He's not.) Chucky Atkins is still recovering from surgery on his right knee and will miss all of training camp.

Fun Facts: The original Denver Nuggets were founded in 1948 (as part of the National Basketball League) and then disbanded in 1950 (just one year into the NBA-NBL merger). Denver has a storied history of playing awful defense, highlighted by the 1990-91 squad that gave up 130.8 PPG. In fact, only two players in Nuggets history have ever made the NBA All-Defensive First Team: Bobby Jones (1977 and 1978) and Marcus Camby (2007 and 2008). Denver has only one playoff game victory in the Carmelo Anthony era. Last season, the seven games separating the Nuggets (50-32) and Lakers (57-25) was the closest margin between an eighth seed and a number one seed since the NBA went to a 16-team playoff format in 1983-84. Yet that series also marked only the second time in NBA history that a 50-win team was swept in a best-of-seven playoff series in the first round. Good times.

Videotastic extra: Carmelo owned by 10-year-olds. Ego-ecotomy.

When last we saw them: Finished 51-31, fourth in the Southwest Division and seventh overall in the West. Dirk Nowitzki wanted the Hornets in the first round. He got them...and another opening round booty-kicking. So, you know, be careful what you wish for, mein Herr.

Key Arrivals: DeSagana Diop (Part II), Gerald Green

Key Departures: Juwan Howard, Jamaal Magloire, Malik Allen, Tyronn Lue

The Good: Avery Johnson is out, and Rick Carlisle is in. Johnson had more than worn out his welcome, and Carlisle plans to make better use of Jason Kidd's skills than The Little Dictator ever did. Moreover, he wants to instill a little nastiness in a team that has been, historically speaking, a bunch of weak-willed head cases. Dirk Nowitzki should be as good as ever. The team's talented core (Nowitzki, Josh Howard, Jason Terry) has been together for several years, and continuity is supposed to be a good thing (even if that hasn't been the case in the playoffs). Howard should be motivated to prove himself to the world at large after a series of bizarre off-the-court problems (see below). Brandon Bass is an exciting young player who should get better and better. The Mavs still have the best locker room amenities in the league.

The Bad: Josh Howard has been an embarrassment and a distraction since last April: The admission of pot use, the infamous playoff disappearance that was highlighted by a wild birthday bash he threw for himself after the team fell behind 3-1 in their first round series against the Hornets, an arrest for drag racing, and of course the national anthem brouhaha. I mean, seriously, that's downright Artestean. (But don't worry. He's sorry.) It's doubtful that Nowitzki will suddenly transmogrify into the big game player the Mavs want and need him to be. It's even more doubtful that Kidd has gotten any younger over the summer. Ditto for Jerry Stackhouse. They're still "90-pound physicist getting sand kicked in his face at the beach" weak at the center position. Mark Cuban is still liable to shoot the team in the foot by shooting off his mouth. The team has so much mental baggage at this point, it's hard to imagine them ever overcoming it short of a major roster overhaul. They inexplicably re-signed Devean George.

Fun Facts: The EA NBA Live 09 simulated season predicts that Dallas will finish 54-29 (third in the West) and lose to the San Antonio Spurs in the first round. According to Forbes Magazine, the Mavericks are the third most valuable NBA franchise (behind the Knicks and Lakers), valued at approximately $463 million. Before the Mavs came to Dallas, the city was home to the Dallas Chaparrals, an ABA team that moved to San Antonio in 1973 to become the San Antonio Spurs. The Mavericks' alternate green uniforms, which are similar to the team's '80s road uniforms, were designed by rapper Sean "P. Diddy" Combs.

Videotastic extra: If I did nothing for the rest of my life but watch this video, I would die happy. In fact, if you ever see me doing anything else at any time, it isn't me.

When last we saw them: Finished 45-37, second in the Central Division and fourth overall in the East. They pushed the eventual NBA champion Boston Celtics to seven games and were one Paul Pierce scoring explosion from advancing to the Conference Finals.

Key Arrivals: Mo Williams, Lorenzen Wright, JJ Hickson, Darnell Jackson

Key Departures: Damon "I'm the best shooter in the world" Jones, Joe "Signing that secret contract with Minnesota sure torpedoed my career" Smith, Dwyane "The Other" Jones

The Good: LeBron James is the mightiest mortal on the face of the Earth. Danny Ferry traded for Mo Williams, the latest in a series of potential Aqualads to LeBron's Aquaman, to help the team's anemic offense. (Seriously, I've read that Mo averaged 17.2 PPG for the Bucks last season so many times that it's permanently burned into my retinas.) The Cavs were one of the best defensive ball clubs in the league last year, and they should be again this season (despite the Williams acquisition). They're a strong rebounding team; in 2007-08, they led the league in rebounding differential (+4.15). Wally Szczerbiak's $13 million contact expires after this season, which makes him excellent trade bait. They replaced the real Ben Wallace with an Inflatable Defender. (Not really, but it would probably help.)

The Bad: The reason the Cavaliers are so freaking excited about Williams' 17.2 PPG average is because the team's offense under Mike Brown has been historically anemic, consisting of roughly two plays: 1) Have everybody spot up and watch LeBron drive, and 2) have everybody spot up while LeBron dribbles around the arc to set up for one of his trademark clunky threes. But Mo is a shoot-first guard who needs lots of touches to make things happen, which sort of makes him Larry Hughes 2.0 (although he's a better percentage three-point shooter than Larry was). Oh, and he's not exactly sturdy: Mo has missed a total of 54 games over the last three seasons for various reasons. Two of their critical frontcourt players (Ben Wallace and Anderson Varejao) couldn't score on a Jordan Jammer. Wallace is gradually transforming into a slow-moving paste.

Fun Facts: The EA NBA Live 09 simulated season predicts that the Cavs will finish 41-41 (fifth in the East) and lose to the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Semifinals. The Cavaliers have seven retired numbers (Bingo Smith, Larry Nance, Mark Price, Austin Carr, Nate Thurmond, and Brad Daugherty)...same as the Lakers. Danny Ferry holds the franchise record for games played (723). Last season, Mo Williams suffered from pubic symphysis, which is basically an ouchie in the man region

Videotastic extra: All that basketball talent and he can sing too?! Life so isn't fair.

When last we saw them: Finished 33-49, fourth in the Central Division and 11th overall in the East. Which would have been a pretty disappointing finish even if people hadn't been picking them to go to the Finals last season.

Key Arrivals: Derrick Rose, Elton Brown (wait, who?), Roger Powell (double who?), Darius Washington (who squared?)

Key Departures: Chris Duhon (usually he didn't play much anyway), JamesOn Curry (no more public urination!), Shannon Brown

The Good: Derrick Rose. (According to NBA.com, "Many consider Rose to be a 6-3 version of LeBron James." Wait...what? Really?!) Luol Deng signed a six year, $71 million deal to stay in Chicago, which should keep him from being all sulky and distracted like he was last season. Ben Gordon finally resigned (although only for one year), and he's really excited about it (according to his agent, anyway). The core group (Deng, Gordon and Kirk Hinrich) have been together for several years now, and that's supposedly always a good thing (even if it wasn't last year). Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes should be totally integrated into the team now. Vinny Del Negro has assembled a group assistants with actual NBA coaching experience (Del Harris, Bernie Bickerstaff, Bob Ociepka). Benny the Bull's legal problems should be a thing of the past.

The Bad: An extremely crowded backcourt (which includes Rose, Hinrich, Hughes, Gordon, Sefolosha and Washington ) is complimented very noncomplimentary by an herbal tea-thin froncourt (which features two players - Joakim Noah and Tyrus Thomas - who couldn't develop an offensive game even if a genie gave them three wishes). Del Negro is a rookie head coach who's already being compared, by his own GM no less, to Doug Collins. That is not a good thing in my book. Rose might be their best and most important players, but he's a rookie and it's still unclear whether he'll start or even how big a role he'll play on the team this season. The Bulls used to be a premier defensive club, but they suffered the biggest defensive dropoff in the league last year (7.1 more points allowed per 100 possessions). Currently, they don't have that defensive identity anymore...or any other identity for that matter. Ben Gordon's one-year deal means that, once again, this is a contract year for him, and that's probably going to affect his play and attitude. John Paxson has yet to find a reliable low post scorer, even though that's been the team's biggest and most glaring weakness for the last few years. This means — you guessed it! - the Bulls will yet again live and die (mostly die) by the jump shot.

Fun Facts: The EA NBA Live 09 simulated season predicts they'll finish with 41 wins (a sad fourth in the Eastern Conference) and make the playoffs, losing in first round to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Derrick Rose goes by the nickname "Pooh," an alias invented by his grandmother when he was an infant because, apparently, he was yellow and chubby, just like Winnie-the-Pooh. (Seriously.) Rose has a tattoo on his left bicep of a wizard holding a staff in one hand and a basketball in the other, below which is the word "Poohdini." The Chicago Bulls are actually the third NBA team in Chicago, after the Packers/Zephyrs (now the Washington Wizards) and the Stags (1946–50). The Bulls logo has horns that are tipped with blood; it was designed by noted American sports artist Theodore W. Drake in 1966.

Videotastic extra: I always get a kick out of these Michael Jordan bloopers. Yeah, some of them happened when he was with the Wizards, but he'll always be a Bull...no matter how many other teams he front office manages into the ground.

When last we saw them: Finished 32-50, which was fourth in the Southeast Division and 12th overall in the East. Amazingly, with those 32 wins, they finished only five games out of the playoffs. Go Eastern Conference!

Key Arrivals: Alexis Ajinca (type that out five times fast), D.J. Augustin, Shannon Brown

Key Departures: Derek Anderson, Earl Boykins, Othella Harrington (in other words, nobody they regret parting ways with)

The Good: Oooookay. Must. Stay. Positive. Well, they paid Larry Brown a crapload of money convinced Larry Brown to coach the team. And as we all know, Brown once directed a championship ball club and stuff. He also has a history of getting the most out of underachieving and talent-challenged teams. Adam Morrison and Sean May are back, and both of them should be (coughcoughcough) healthy. They signed Emeka Okafor to a six-year contract extension. Rookie D.J. Augustin should be pretty good. Gerald Wallace is already pretty good. Jason Richardson is always capable of scoring 20 points (usually on around 20 shots). Oh, and bobcats are totally vicious. Rrowrr!!

The Bad: Remember how I mentioned Larry Brown has a history of improving bad teams? Yeah, well, he also has a bad habit of bolting at the first sign of trouble (or even boredom). To wit, this is his ninth stop as a head coach. I guess what I'm saying is: Don't expect loyalty. Sean May has played in a whopping 58 games in three pro seasons and hasn't materialized on the court since March 14, 2007. So, you know, I'll trust in his health once he makes it through more than 35 games. (May already told the Charlotte Observer that: "Obviously, the knee (that he's had three surgeries on) is going to probably be in the back of my mind. I like to say I'm not thinking about it. But subconsciously, I probably am. It'll be a little while before I'll get over that. I'll have to take some hits." Good sign, huh?) Adam Morrison might be healthy, but does that even matter? Emeka Okafor is good, but is he really $72 million over six years good? (The stats say: Not so much.) Oh, and Okafor has managed to avoid injury in only one of his four NBA seasons. Not coincidentally, that happened last season...which was a contract year. Speaking of paid absences, Gerald Wallace has also had his share of those, although he blames last year's injuries on the fact that he had to put in so much time at power forward. Did I mention that Michael Jordan (a real front-office guru) and Nelly (the rapper) are two of the three principle owners?

Fun Facts: The EA NBA Live 09 simulated season predicts they'll finish with 39 wins and actually make the playoffs, losing in Round One to the Miami Heat. How "good" were they last year? Here are some numbers: Points Scored 97.1 (19th); Points Allowed 101.4 (20th); Field-Goal Percentage .452 (17th); Opponents' FG% .466 (22nd); Rebounding Diff. -3.11 (27th). Gerald Wallace suffered a Grade 3 concussion on February 23, 2008 after getting clocked by Sacramento's Mikki Moore. For the sake of clarification, the American Association of Neurological Surgeons defines a Grade 3 concussion as ones that "involve post-traumatic amnesia for more than 24 hours or unconsciousness for more than five minutes." Adam Morrison once portrayed Spiderman in a reenactment of the classic saga The Revenge of the Sinister Six. The parts of the Sinister Six were played by couch cushions.

Videotastic extra: Some dude named David Arnott wrote and recorded this song, and filmed the outstanding video, for a Bobcats fan contest. Remember: He doesn't care if you don't understand. He'll never give up being a Bobcats fan.

When last we saw them: Finished 66-16, best record in the league, and defeated the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals to win the franchise's 17th NBA title.

Key Arrivals: Darius Miles, Patrick O'Bryant, rookie J.R. Giddens

Key Departures: James Posey, P.J. Brown, Scott Pollard (snicker)

The Good: Boston's Big Three Menage a Trois have all returned and appear healthy. The starting five remained intact. The team - which was almost entirely remade in the summer of '07 - has been together for a full season and now have that all-important championship experience. KG's intensity will continue to push the team. Tom Thibodeaux is still guiding their league-best defense. Their talented youngsters (Leon Powe, Rajon Rondo, Kendrick Perkins, and Glen "Big Baby" Davis) should continue to develop.

The Bad: James Posey is gone, lost to the New Orleans Hornets, and the Celtics will be hard-pressed to replace his tenacious "arms-and-elbows" perimeter defense and clutch three-point shooting. Kendrick Perkins is still recovering from the arthroscopic surgery he had on his left shoulder last July. Paul Pierce has been suffering from laryngitis for the last month, oddly enough. Darius Miles hasn't played in an actual NBA game since 2006. Ray Allen (33), Kevin Garnett (32) and Paul Pierce (31) aren't getting any younger...and Allen always seems like an injury waiting to happen. There seems to be some question as to whether they'll have the same level of desire after winning the big one last year (the dreaded "Championship Hangover"). Oh, and everybody comes out gunning for the champs.

Fun Facts: The EA NBA Live 09 simulated season predicts they'll finish with only 44 wins and fall in the Eastern Conference Finals to the Miami Heat. Ray Allen is a 12 handicap golfer and has a bowling average over 150. Red Auerbach's brother Zangwell designed the Celtic Leprechaun logo. Former Celtic Chuck Connors - better known as TV's "The Rifleman" - was the first NBA player to break a backboard (he did it during warmups on November 5, 1946).

Historical footnote: The Hawks aren't the only team that had their own music video in the late 80s. Here's a totally rad rap/song/whatever from the last time the Celtics tried to repeat as NBA champions...

Key Arrivals: Mo Evans, Othello Hunter, Randolph Morris

Key Departures: Josh Childress

The Good: They retained the services of Josh Smith, their second leading scorer, after Smith signed a $58 million offer sheet to play with the Memphis Grizzlies. They have a strong starting five of Mike Bibby, Joe Johnson, Marvin Williams, Smith and Al Horford. The acquisitions of Hunter and Morris will improve their frontcourt depth. Bibby will have the benefit of a full training camp, which should lead to improved chemistry with his teammates, especially backcourt partner Joe Johnson. They're a good fast break team that likes to crash the offensive glass. Confidence is high after the way they pushed the Celtics to the limit in the first round of last year's playoffs.

The Bad: Josh Childress flew the coup in order to hoop it up in Greece. They tend to be inconsistent on the offensive end because they rely so heavily on streaky jump shooting (Johnson, their leading scorer, was 43 percent from the field in 2007-08). Weak three-point shooting. At times, they don't seem to give their full effort, especially on the road, where they were 12-29 last season. They might be thinking a little too highly of themselves right now, due to their playoff performance against the Celtics (who clearly weren't at their best in the early rounds). The EA NBA Live simulated season shows them finishing with only 36 wins and out of the playoffs.

Fun Facts: Dominique Wilkins is the new Hawks TV analyst on FSN South and SportsSouth, joining play-by-play announcer Bob Rathbun. Former NBA sniper Mark Price has joined the team as a shooting consultant. Last season, Josh Smith joined Hall of Fame Centers Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as the only players in NBA history to average 17 PPG, 8 RPG, 1.5 SPT and 2.5 BPG in a single season. What's more, Smith was younger than any of the four when they did it. The Hawks will appear on national television only once thsi season, on December 17th against the Celtics.

Historical footnote: During the 1986-87 season, local Atlanta band Tom Gross and the Varsity released a 45 rpm record for the Hawks, titled "Nothing Can Stop Us, We're Atlanta's Air Force." And here's the video:

• 1. Keep On Truckin' Baby. Trucking magnate Arthur Brown established the franchise was established in 1967 as part of the American Basketball Association, planning to name them the New York Freighters, based on Manhattan's east side. But pressure from the New York Knicks forced their arena, the Armory, to back out three months before opening day. The team was forced to move to Teaneck, New Jersey, and changed its name to the New Jersey Americans.

• 2. Boo-yah! Blame Vince Carter's 2001 playoff exit on Stuart Scott. On the morning of Game 7 of the 2001 Eastern Conference playoffs (Raptors vs Philadelphia 76ers), Carter attended his University of North Carolina graduation, in which Stuart Scott gave a graduation speech. That night, Carter was 6-of-18 from the floor and missed a potential game-winning shot with two seconds remaining.

• 3. Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Nenad Krstic — nickname Curly — was voted third most eligible bachelor by Serbia's version of People magazine.

• 4. Computer Glitch. While a senior at UConn, Marcus Williams was charged with trying to sell four stolen laptop computers taken from dormitory rooms on the university campus. He was suspended for the fall semester and did not play his first game of the season until January 2006.

• 5. Hassan Chop! As a senior at Arizona, Hassan Adams recorded a double double; being charged with both disorderly conduct and a DUI on two seperate occasions. In the latter, he was found to be driving with blood alcohol level of .124 (the Arizona legal limit is .08). He's still pretty good, though.

• 1. Pay No Attention To That Power Forward Behind The Curtain. The 76ers are the NBA's oldest franchise, beginning as the Syracuse Nationals in 1939, the same year that The Wizard of Oz was released. In 1946, they joined the National Basketball League, becoming the league's easternmost team. In 1949, the Nationals were one of seven NBL teams that merged with the Basketball Association of America to form the NBA.

• 2. Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine ... Andre Tyler Iguodala, nicknamed "Iggy," wore jersey number 4 until 2005, when Chris Webber arrived and wanted it. Iguodala subsequently switched to number 9, Webber buying him a Rolex watch in return.

• 3. Chairman Of The Board. When he was 17, Allen Iverson and three of his friends were arrested after a fight with some white teenagers, and subsequently convicted of "maiming by mob." Iverson was convicted as an adult on the felony charge (hitting a woman with a chair) and received a 15-year prison sentence (10 years suspended). He spent four months at the Newport News City Farm before Virginia Governor Douglas Wilder granted him a pardon. In 1995, the Virginia Court of Appeals overturned the conviction. The whole thing was a pretty raw deal, actually.

• 4. Breaking From The Pack. Shavlik Randolph played for Duke, but was named after his grandfather Ronnie Shavlik, an All-American center for North Carolina State. As a child, Randolph was an NC State ball boy.

• 5. That 70s Show. Kyle Korver so resembles actor Ashton Kutcher that Shaquille O'Neal refused take the court for a 2004 All-Star Game practice in Los Angeles because he thought he was about to be Punk'd. Korver is also believed to be the only athlete to have had his own bobblehead designed with actual (synthetic) hair. His reaction: "I think it's terrible. Why can't they have fake hair and some real socks?"

• 1. How's It Going, Mr. Peterson? Morris Peterson is the NBA's current Ironman with 360 consecutive games played and counting. AC Green has the all-time record with 1,192. Peterson, who majored in child development at Michigan State, established Mo's Maniacs in 2002, in which he invites at-risk youth to attend home games. — (Thanks to Kid Canada).

• 2. Ten-Four, Good Buddy. Chris Bosh is known by the nicknmae CB4, for his initials and uniform number, but also for the 1993 film CB4, described as "a rockumentary, covering the rise to fame of rappers MC Gusto, Stab Master Arson, and Dead Mike." (It was written by and stars Chris Rock and was ahead of its time, even though it's still not very good.)

• 3. From Across The Pond. Not only did the Raptors make Andrea Bargnani the first European ever to be drafted No. 1 overall, they also made Maurizio Gherardini the first European ever to serve as Assistant GM of an NBA franchise. He was the GM of Benetton Treviso from 1992 until being hired by Toronto this summer. Coincidentally, this is the same team that Bargnani (and fellow new Raptor Jorge Garbajosa) played for — as did Toni Kukoc, Bostjan Nachbar, Zeljko Rebraca and Tyus Edney. — (Thanks to Kid Canada).

• 4. Buiilt Ford Tough. T.J. Ford is the only former University of Texas basketball player to have had his jersey retired by the school. The only three other Longhorns to have received the honor are Earl Campbell, Ricky Williams and Roger Clemens.

• 5. The Glory That Is Rome. The only Italian-born player in the NBA, Andrea Bargnani is a fierce fan of Roman soccer club S.S. Lazio.

• 1. It's Not Easy Being Green. The more things change (honest to goodness point guards, brand new dance team) the more they stay the same. The once celebrated Celtics/Lakers rivalry may not be what it used to, but Jack Nicholson still refused to wear any Celtic gear while shooting The Departed, which is set in Boston. — (Thanks to Kyle Gustafson).

• 2. They're After Me Lucky Charms. This season will mark the inaugural year for the Celtics Dancers, women with big hair who normally stay bundled up in bulky sweaters for the long New England winters. In 2003-04, Boston fans were treated to the birth of Lucky, the mascot of the C's who looked nothing like an Irishman. While other mascots get to hide their shame behind a giant mask, the Celtics exposed theirs for full public ridicule. — (Thanks to FilthyFowl).

• 3. Damn Schedule. The Celtics' Chuck Cooper was the first African American to be drafted by an NBA team. He wasn't the first to play however. That same year, Nat Clifton was the first black player to sign a contract with an NBA team, and Earl Lloyd was the first black player to play in an NBA game; his team started its season one day before Cooper's and four days before Clifton's.

• 4. From the Celtics Pantheon Of Stars. Theophilus Curtis Ratliff is from Demopolis, Alabama.

• 5. Life Of Brian. Brian Scalebrine may be the best warm-up player ever. In pre-game warmups he'll drain 3 after 3 after 3 like he's Dan Majerie. Everyone's energy seems to flow right through him up until Doc informs him that he's another DNP tonight, so Al Jefferson can get more minutes. — (Thanks to Matthew Ozelius).

• 1. Well, You Gotta Have Something To Fall Back On. From Mike James: "If I wasn't playing basketball, I'd be a criminal. That's the only other thing I knew besides basketball. That's the only other thing that came natural to me besides basketball." — (Thanks to Sonia Grover).

• 2. Dances With Wolves. Superfan Bill Beise, 50, has been a T-Wolves season ticket holder since their first season, 1989. His game rituals include: Lucky stone which all four members of his family must touch before a game; taping a dollar bill to the bottom of his seat; rolling up programs and spending the entire game squatting on the floor, banging program on the ground. The team offered a "Bill Beise bobblehead" promotion in his honor in 2003. — (Thanks to Sonia Grover)

• 3. Anatomy Of An NBA Player. Rookie Randy Foye's heart is on the right side of his chest.

• 4. The Dance, She Is Over. Of course, Eddie Griffin's masturbation habits and Rashad McCants' poetry are more than tidbits at this point; they are legend. But what of Mark Madsen's dancing? He only does it when his team wins a championship, so let's all root against Minnesota this season.

• 5. Drumline. Troy Hudson has recorded three rap albums and goes on road trips with a drum machine.

• 1. What Will Brown Do For You? Graduating from Proviso East High School in Maywood, Illinois, where he played quarterback on the football team and drew recruiting interest from Florida State, Dee Brown finished with a class academic ranking of 16th out of 382 graduates. Oh, and Dee Brown is freaking awesome ... and back with Deron Williams!

• 2. Money Don't Matter 2 Night. Carlos Boozer is the only member of the Jazz to have sued rock star Prince. Boozer, through his corporate entity C Booz Multifamily I LLC, maintained that Prince had made unauthorized alterations while leasing Booser's house. The suit was later dropped by Boozer.

• 3. Andrei The Giant. The Russian Superleague has a slam dunk competition — who knew? — at which Andrei Kirilenko finished second in April, 2000 as a member of CSKA Moscow. The winner was someone named Harold Dean of Lokomotiv Mineralnye Vody. But in the overall scheme of things, isn't Kirilenko the winner here? His wife reportedly has agreed to allow him to sleep with another woman for one night a year.

• 4. His Nickname Should Be Midnight Express. Please enjoy Mehmet Okur's web page. Hope you speak Turkish.

• 5. Shifting Gears. Mark Eaton, who played for the Jazz from 1982 to 1993, attended the Arizona Automotive Institute right out of high school and graduated as a repair technician. He was discovered while repairing cars by Cypress Junior College basketball coach Tom Lubin.

• 1. Driving The Lane. Ah yes, the Denver Larks of the American Basketball Association. Those were the days. And then they were known as the Denver Rockets, winning division titles in 1970 and 1975. The name "Rockets" was derived from the Rocket Trucking Company, which had the same colors (orange and black).

• 2. My Name Is Earl. While playing for Golden State, the Arena would play the song "It's a Small World" whenever Earl Boykins would enter the game. His nickname: "The Double-Digit Midget."

• 3. Bringing Up Baby. Nen (born Maybyner Rodney Hilario on September 13, 1982 in S o Carlos, Brazil) began as a soccer player, but switched to basketball at age 14 when he tried the sport and destroyed the basket while dunking.

• 4. You Camby Serious. In Clothinggate last season, Marcus Camby criticized the NBA's new dress code by saying: "I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes." Camby made $7.5 million that year.

• 5. Cut Me, Mick. Chopper Travaglini, who was the Nuggets team trainer from 1975 to 1999, is in the Colorado Sports Hall of Fame.

• 1. The Don Ohl Era Begins. The Wizards began in 1961 as — no, not the Bullets — the Chicago Packers. Then the Chicago Zephyrs. Then in 1964, they moved to Baltimore and became the Bullets. That season they pulled off a blockbuster trade, sending Terry Dischinger, Rod Thorn and Don Kojis to the Detroit Pistons for Bailey Howell, Don Ohl, Bob Ferry and Wali Jones.

• 2. It's Gilbert Time. All of your Gilbert Arenas shopping needs can be found under one roof. Here, here and of course here.

• 3. Would You Prefer Multiple Choice? Guess which Wizards player had his name accidentally printed as "Antawn" instead of "Antwan" on his birth certificate, with his parents just deciding to keep it. Give up? Hoo; you're not exactly the smartest banana in the bunch, are you?

• 4. No Man Is An Island. Besides being born on April Fools Day (1978), Etan Thomas (Uncle Etan to his friends) is the only Wizards player from Grenada. He also writes poems about Abe Pollin's prostate.

• 5. Jordan Rules. Head coach Eddie Jordan led Rutgers to the NCAA Final Four in 1976, then went on to play for the Cavaliers, Nets, Lakers and Trail Blazers. He has five children from two marriages and one, well, not-so-married. It happens.

• 1. A Cat Named Bob. Up close it looks like a big kitty ... which can gnaw off your foot. But the Bobcats originally were to be named the Flight; at least that's the nickname the fans voted for when the Charlotte Hornets left town in 2002. Also, their owner is "A cat named Bob" ... Robert L. Johnson.

• 2. "You Have To Look Ahead Or You Are Lost". W lter Herrmann, who is of German descent but was born in Argentina, led the Argentines to gold in the Athens Olympics. He lost his mother, sister and girlfriend in a car accident in 2003. Exactly one year later, his father died of a heart attack.

• 3. Fear The Mustache. Adam Morrison likes Rage Against the Machine, X-Raided and Metallica, is friends with J.J. Redick, had posters of Che Guevara and Larry Bird on his wall at Gonzaga and always eats steak and baked potatoes two hours and 15 minutes before a game. Oh, and he cries like a little bitch when there's still time left in the game and his team has the ball.

• 4. Swat Team. Gerald Wallace averaged 2.19 blocks and 2.44 steals per game last season, making him only the third player in NBA history (those stats have only been kept since 1973) to average 2.0 or more in a season in each category.(David Robinson and Hakeem Olajuwon).

• 5. Catch This. Kevin Burleson is the older brother of Seattle Seahawks wide receiver Nate Burleson. Tale of the tape: Kevin Burleson, 6-foot-3, 205. Nate Burleson, 6-0, 192.

• 1. For The Seafood Lover In You. Udonis Haslem's favorite movies are Bad Boys and Scarface, his favorite rap artists are Jay-Z and the Hot Boys, his favorite restaurant is Red Lobster and he is a huge University of Miami football fan.

• 2. She's A Maniac, Maniac On The Floor. Forget the 2005-06 NBA Championship. Also last season, the Heat Dancers won top dance team in the NBA as voted by the fans. Also, Heat Dancer Layla El won the WWE Diva Search.

• 3. Whiplash Lawsuit On The Horizon. Comedian Mickey Joseph has a routine in which he imagines what an NBA game would be like if all the players were naked. A good portion of the bit involves Joseph — who is about 5-foot-8 — protecting himself with his arms against Shaquille O'Neal's imaginary penis.

• 4. They Were Tough In The Paint. Jason Chandler Williams played basketball at Dupont High School in West Virginia, where one of his teammates was Randy Moss. His nickname is Fanny Lightning.

• 5. Action! Shaquille O'Neal has appeared in eight movies. Can you name them? Ah, you missed one — Good Burger. Everyone misses that.

• 1. I'll Have The Royale With Cheese. Hidayet T rko lu, the first Turkish-born player in NBA history, has a Burger King menu named after him in Turkey, called Hido Menu.

• 2. Always With Him In Spirit. Trevor Ariza, who played one year at UCLA before enterting the NBA draft, suffered tragedy 10 years ago when his younger brother Tajh, 6, fell out of a hotel window 30 stories to his death.

• 3. What About The Popped Collar? In addition to unsuccesfully attempting to avoid DUI checkpoints, other lesser-known facts about J.J. Redick are: He got his nickname as a toddler because his twin sisters each repeated his original nickname of "J"; He as tattoos of Bible verses, including "Isaiah 40:31" and "Joshua 1:9" along with the Japanese word for courage; His younger brother, David, will will play football for Marshall University next season; majored in history and minored in cultural anthropology at Duke; got middle name of Clay because his father is a stoneware potter.

• 4. Well That's Very ... Wha ... Handball? It's Christmas at the Diener house, and once again everyone is getting basketballs. Travis Diener's high school basketball coach was his uncle Dick Diener, his sister Brittney plays basketball for Lewis University, his sister Rachel plays basketball for Saint Louis University, a cousin, Drake, played basketball for DePaul and currently plays professionally for Castelletto Ticino in Italy, another cousin, Drew, played basketball for Saint Louis and is currently the director of baskeball operations at the University of Virginia, and cousin Derek played basketball and handball at West Point.

• 5. Blessed Be The Playmakers. Dwight Howard is a devout Christian who drew attention when he talked about a dream he had in which the Christian cross was added to the NBA logo.

It's hard to believe, but the NBA season is just around the corner. So come with us now as we present five tiny tidbits on each team, just to get you in the mood. Today we begin the Southeast Division, so do us a favor and send your tips to tips@deadspin.com.

• 1. The Highest Flyers In The NBA! The 1986 Hawks apparently had a slammin' music video to the tune of "The Atlanta Hawks: Atlanta's Air Force", by the timeless supergroup T. Grose and the Varsity. And if that doesn't grab you, how about a Tyrone Nesby rap? — (Thanks to Hotlanta Matt and J.E. Skeets).

• 2. Red Storm Warning. Speedy Claxton's sister, Lisa, currently is in her second season as a point guard for the St. John's women's basketball team.

• 3. He's Zaza, Dahling! Zaza Pachulia is possibly the best-dressed player in the NBA. "When I'm dressed nicely and when I feel good, I play well and my day is going good," he said. According to Salim Stoudamire, "The best dresser is probably Zaza. He's always got the Armani suits, stuff like that, with the little shoes that point up in the air."

• 4. Two-Timer. Assistant coach Bob Bender is the only person to have played in NCAA title games with two different teams. He was a freshman on Bob Knight's undefeated 1976 Indiana team, and was point guard at Duke from 1977-80, including an appearance in the 1978 title game against Kentucky.

• 5. The Lower 48. The Hawks haven't advanced beyond the second round of any playoff format since 1961, the NBA record. They also hold the record for most consecutive years without winning an NBA title, at 48.

• 1. He's The Hoff. Of all of Ron Artest's controversial actions, perhaps the most egregious of all: During his rookie season with the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City just to get an employee discount. Also, like David Hasselhoff, he is beloved in Germany.

• 2. Always With Him. Francisco Garc a's 19-year-old younger brother Hector was shot to death in an apartment complex in the Bronx in 2003. The night after the shooting, Garc a led Louisville with 24 points as the Cardinals beat Seton Hall. After the game, he flew home to attend the funeral. In his brother's memory, he taps his heart twice and then points to the sky in between his foul shots.

• 3. Gotta Support The Team. Maurice Taylor is not allowed to attend any Michigan home basketball games until 2012. Taylor, who played for the Wolverines, was accused of taking money from booster Ed Martin, somewhat tarnishing his college achievements. Taylor was in the stands in New York with another former Wolverine, Jalen Rose, to support the team during the 2006 NIT Final Four. And this isn't a "Mitch Albom says they're there" kind of "in the stands;" they were actually there.

• 4. Fifty-Five Years And Counting. The Kings began life as the Rochester Royals in 1945, then winning the National Basketball League title in 1946. In 1948, the Royals moved to the Basketball Association of America, which absorbed the NBL the following year to become the National Basketball Association. The Royals won the NBA title in 1951, which remains the only championship in the team's history. The Royals moved to Cincinnati in 1957 (you may recall Oscar Robertson), then to Kansas City, Missouri. Renamed the Kings (because of the Royals baseball franchise in the same community), the team initially divided its home games between Kansas City and Omaha, Nebraska. They moved to Sacramento in 1985, bit it is rumored that the owners, the Maloof brothers, want to move them again.

• 5. Lost In The Woods. Seven-foot-1, 245 pound center Loren Woods had been viewed as a lock to be a first round selection in the 2001 NBA draft, but slipped to the second round; some say due to his volattile personality. During the summer games following his selection, he fought with fellow 2001 draft pick Brendan Haywood.