Torre, who described watching the Yankees in Fall Classic as "surreal," is tickled pink that the Yankees won the World Series. He is especially happy for Alex Rodriguez and manager Joe Girardi.

"To watch what they've done, especially with Joe Girardi at the helm, it really made me feel good," Torre said. "Even though I am supposed to be a National League fan, when you're as close to these guys as I've been all these years, well, I was just really pleased for them."

I don't know, I'm not buying it. Wouldn't it make more sense for Torre to be resentful about the Yankees pulling it off without him at the helm? On the other hand, perhaps all that yoga and New Age bullcrap Torre is into now that he lives in Los Angeles allows him to look at it from a more positive perspective. What do you mean Torre is probably not into yoga? That State Farm commercial was totally real, right?

Joe Torre: Watching Joe Girardi, Yankees win World Series was 'surreal' [New York Daily News]

From a reader known enigmatically as "bikinisarelove" comes this snap of Friday's parade. Without the explanation, I'm not sure we'd ever get to the bottom of it.

I attended the Yankee parade this Friday...and a group of kids were picking random people to be thrown in the air just for the hell of it. This was hours before the parade started. It was quite entertaining...and this girl was being thrown around like a beach volleyball.

Okay, I've had my fun. Yankees are world champions. That's the last you'll hear from me. At least until Temple gets their BCS bid.

*****

Another weekend, come and gone. Let's see if we can make it a whole week without being sued.

And, look, they were even kind enough to include the Dominican busboy in their manwich.

Reader, Rachel would really like to see her words on Deadspin so I figured I'd oblige.

In an effort to feed my own narcissistic needs to see my words on Deadspin and dazzle you with my literary (sarcastic blogging) capabilities, I felt the need to share a couple of things about my first World Series experience as a Yankees fan (and hate if you must, but my fan-dom happened before they started winning, so it still counts). If my boyfriend were writing to you, he'd probably have you title it, "Unruly Spoiled Worshipers of Evil Empire Spread Gospel of Hate in New York City." I on the other hand, would call this post "The Only Time Your Boyfriend/Husband/Friend-With-Benefits/Guy-You-Met-8-Seconds-Ago Is Truly Not Thinking About T&A".

And why not? Well, World Series Game 6 was the most blatant display of man love I've ever seen. Not only was I with a group of 15 guys who jumped around in a euphoric, sexually non-denominational frenzy, but "strangers" (in quotations because oooobviously if you are a Yankee fan you aren't a stranger) were at risk for getting the tongue too. And so, I thank the Yankees. I thank them for being the only thing that could possibly have caused grown (relatively speaking) men to not only openly express their love for one another and baseball, but also for allowing me to be in a bar full of hammered morons without risk of being bent over the bar and violated. Oh, and there's also something awesome about celebrating with the Dominican busboy....

Pictures attached. Not that it's the greatest thing ever written, but I'm thinking you should at least seriously consider a World Series Bromance montage. I mean, that ARod-Jeter couple halloween costume is great, but drunk idiots are better.

Thanks, AJ!!

Rschau

Thank you, Rachel. Now you and your homo Yankee friends can politely go fuck yourselves.

Good morning. It's Saturday. Let's break stuff.

I once had to spend a day working with a very obnoxious woman in a New York recording studio during the playoffs back in 2001. Every five seconds, this horrible beast of a human being would sit down and shout out to no one in particular, BOY, I TELL YA, IT'S TOUGH BEING A YANKEES FAN! Any time I tried to speak, she talked right over me to talk about the fucking Yankees. That's the kind of person celebrating down in the Canyon of Heroes: worthless sacks of shit who believe the historic superiority of their baseball team somehow makes them more important people than you or I.

So allow me to take this moment to craft a very heartfelt message to the Yankees and their fans today: FUCK YOU. Fuck your team. Fuck your stadium. Fuck your history. Fuck it with a gun.

Fuck you, Joe Delessio. Don't try and tell me that you Yankee fans are sweet little angels who just happen to be blessed with astonishing success.

A common criticism of Yankees fans is that we feel entitled, that we believe we deserve only the best players, and that it's World Series or bust. This criticism has at least some merit. But can you blame us? We have to spend more on tickets, and we have to plan out which games we're going to attend in March if, God forbid, we want to sit in the upper deck without going to StubHub.

OH NOES! You have to spend money! Money that might have to come out of your yearly Paris summercation budget! And you have to buy tickets IN ADVANCE! Oh, the agony! How I wish I could be a Royals fan and wander into an empty and lifeless stadium on a whim!

Fuck you, Jay Z. The fuck are you doing on the float? You didn't do SHIT. And fuck A-Rod's hat. Fuck Billy Crystal. Fuck Joe DiMaggio and Mickey Mantle, and the astonishing number of Yankees Hall of Famers who were drunks, wife beaters, and obnoxious pricks. Fuck the fans who happily overlook the massive character flaws of said heroes because they themselves possess similar attributes. Fuck George Steinbrenner. YOU'RE DYING, AND NOTHING CAN STOP IT NOW. Why don't you go play another game of chess against a roll of scotch tape, you senile old prick?

Fuck New York City bus drivers. Will you please, for once, stop right where all of us are standing, instead of pulling thirty yards further down the curb to accommodate some ghost bus behind you that never arrives? DICKS. Fuck Mike Francesca. Fuck the real estate brokers in your town. THOSE PEOPLE ARE SATAN'S LAMBS. Fuck the subway, especially the 4 train to Yankee Stadium, which fucking blows. And double fuck that piece of shit stadium, and the way you raped an entire city to get it. Fuck the smug investment bankers and lawyers who are the only people who can afford to go and love that fact. And fuck the old Yankee Stadium too. That place was a toilet.

Fuck your secret love for the Red Sox. Why don't you two go hump in an alley and get it over with? Fuck AJ Burnett's stupid necklace. Fuck JackO. Fuck Jeter. Fuck Michael Kay. Fuck Suzyn Waldman. Fuck Bob Sheppard. Fuck the whole of you. When I saw that Al Gore movie and he showed downtown Manhattan flooded by polar ice caps, I fucking applauded.

And fuck your championship. Congrats. You bored us for an incredible 27th time. Take your ugly-ass rings and stick them in the Canyon of Heroes residing between your legs.

I'm sure I've missed someone. Yours in the comments.

•Between the NBA All-Star game and the Super Bowl, Dallas police are expecting six figures worth of prostitutes to flood the Metroplex. Thankfully, (tonyromo) the star athletes of the city (joshhamilton) would never (dirknowitzki) get involved with women of ill repute.

•Know the name Anze Kopitar yet? You probably should. The breakout Slovenian superstar led the Kings to a dominant victory over the Stanley Cup champions, announcing their legitimacy and teaching me that Slovenia is apparently a wholly separate country from Slovakia.

•Are the Cavs even a top three team in the east? They didn't look like it last night, falling to the Bulls. Tonight will be interesting, as they travel to New York where LeBron will see his future. (Whether that future is his team dominating opponents, or losing with the Knicks depends on your point of view.

•Baseball's hot stove league kicked off in earnest, with Jeremy Hermida going to Boston, Bobby Abreu staying in Anaheim, and Jason Bay and Matt Holliday making their intentions to blow town clear. For all those teams looking for a power bat in the outfield, let me remind you that Barry Bonds is still available.

•Here's a list of the top 10 sideline reporter bloopers. Your clear number one involves double penetration, and it's not even a Vikings sideline reporter!

•Pittsburgh safety Ryan Clark is unlikely to play Monday night in Denver, because of a rare sickle-cell trait that makes exertion in high altitudes dangerous. Should the Broncos win, expect dome teams to pump a little oxygen out of their stadiums when the Steelers come to town.

•Finally, I would be remiss in shirking my duty as a conduit for your Yankee hatred. Here's a collection of celebration videos, capped off by the most touching: a man and his crazy West Indian mother.

It looks like all those newspaper layoffs have hit the New York media pretty hard, because every outlet in the city was forced to share the same headline today. And judging by a scan of stories from across the country, whoever wrote it was very busy last night. They had nine years to come up with something and this was all they could think of?

(By the way, as of 8:45 this morning, only Yahoo had adjusted their website. You guys know how the internet works, right? Unfortunately, the Post, Daily News and Newsday headlines are forever emblazoned on today's front page.)

Actually, this is exactly the correct amount of inspiration that yet another Yankee championship should generate. Congrats, Bombers, on a job ... done.

[Thanks to commenter Mickey Sabbath for catching the Yahoo page]

* * * * *

Thursday. I offer this begrudging tribute to all the Yankee fans who woke up in a drunk tank this morning.

A Philly Eagles blog had discovered, in the wild, what they declare to be the "worst sports fan in America." Yes, the mythical Yankee/Cowboy fan does exist. The license plate is obscured, so we don't where this creature lives or if he also roots for the Stormtroopers when he watches Star Wars.

If the owner of this truck would like to write in and explain how someone logically becomes a fan of both a Texas football team and a New York baseball team without just being a shameless, opportunistic front-runner, I'm sure we'd all love to hear that story. I bet it's a doozy.

Pic: The worst sports fan in America [Bleeding Green Nation]

UPDATE: Reader Adam (a Yankee and Cowboy fan) writes in to defend himself. You be the totally impartial judge:

I don't own that truck, but I am both a Yankees and Cowboys fan, as well as a Montreal Canadiens fan (but I don't like the NBA enough to have a team). The story of my fan development isn't particularly wacky (to me): I grew up during the late 80s-early 90s in a small town in New York near the border with Quebec. Hockey is the main sport there, and the closest major city is Montreal. My father was never a diehard football fan - he'd have the games playing on Sundays, but he'd root for the underdog most of the time. I was a kid, and I saw Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin and Emmitt Smith and decided that was the team I liked. Been a fan ever since, even though they haven't won anything since I started liking them as a kid. My father doesn't watch baseball, so it was never on in my house. I only started watching it in college with my friends, and I initially picked the Astros as a neutral team to root for because I didn't care to get involved in all of the Yankees vs. Red Sox bullshit, and because they were pretty good at the time. However, as I started to like baseball more and more, I realized that rooting for the Astros while living in New York wasn't worth it, as, unlike with the Cowboys, very few of their games were available for me to watch. My friends in New York post-college are mostly Yankees fans, so a couple years ago, I decided to be one too.

I understand that, at first glance, it may seem like people like me are bandwagon-jumpers, but look at my case: I started liking the Cowboys at the tail end of their dynasty, and have spent most of my life watching them lose. I started liking the Yankees during a time when all the fans had to be excited about was Jason Giambi's mustache. It was circumstance that got me on board with these teams, and that circumstance wasn't winning.

Adam

We've got emails from two more dual threats. Are you noticing a pattern?

I also am a Yankee/Cowboy fan. Ill make it short and sweet. My parents were immigrants from Europe, so my Dad was a soccer/boxing fanatic. Growing up in the 70's in Queens NY was tough being ant kind of NY sports fan. Giants/Jets were terrible at that time so it was either Cowboys/Raiders/Dolphins or Steelers. I loved the Cowboys because of the cheerleaders, and they were always on TV, and loved watching them on Thanksgiving, plus they had Staubach, Dorsett, Newhouse, Pearson etc etc etc….those were my boys, and I have been a diehard ever since. Now the Yankees were an easy choice because my first baseball game as achild was a bat day at Yankee stadium in the early 70's. I got Roy Whites bat and I think he hit a HR that day. Also loved Billy Martin, Reggie, Piniella, Murcer, Nettles, Micky Rivers and so on. Also the Mets were really bad back then.

That's about it.

Thanks
Ed K
Somerset NJ
Formerly of Ridgewood Queens, NYC

I start my defense with the theory that most fans attach to a team in three ways: (1) It's the local team, (2) It's a parent's favorite team or (3) It's a team that just happens to be successful at the time they start watching and understanding the sport.

For me, I became a Cowboys fan as a 8 year old because they were the best team at the time I started watching football and understanding the game. Also, I detested the Buffalo Bills because I couldn't fathom how a team could lose that many Super Bowls in a row. Growing up in Syracuse NY it was fun to mock Bills fans (including most of my family). So, I attached to the team that killed them the worst. Since then, I've stuck with the Cowboys through the last 15 years of Jerry Jones' madness. If I was a bandwagon-jumper I would have jumped to the Eagles like a lot of people I know when they drafted McNabb.

As for the Yankees, they are a local team here and I grew up watching their games on MSG. Also, I became interested in Yankee history at time in 1992, 1993 when they played second fiddle to the Blue Jays. Especially, in Syracuse where the local AAA team was with the Blue Jays. I admit that we got spoiled by 4 out of 5 World Series, but I got to suffer in 2004.

In my opinion your only a bandwagon- jumper if you totally leave your team when another gets good. I've stuck with these two teams in good times and bad. To balance this out I have to suffer through SU Football, and with the exception of 2003, repeated SU Basketball chokes.

Craig

A note on "Bandwagons": I propose that picking a team simply because they are the best (even, or especially, if you're new to a sport) is the definition of bandwagonism. However, I will grant that young children make poor decisions—I myself flirted with the Bradshaw-era Steelers before I even understood what that meant—and sticking with that team even when they are terrible is an admirable trait.

That being said, voluntarily choosing to support what are arguably the two most hated teams in sports will never win you sympathy.

Two more. First, the quite reasonable Mike.

A friend of mine forwarded me the article you wrote. I am a Cowboy and Yankee fan. I hear the "you're a bandwagon fan" comment several times a year, all from people who don't know me. My friends and family know that I have been a fan of both my entire life. Here is my story. I was born in New Jersey in 1973. My family are all Yankees and Giants fans. My father was in the Army and we were stationed in Kansas in 1976.

The reason I chose the Yankees is fairly obvious. My family are all die-hard Yankees fans. I remember my grandfather would watch Yankees games on TV while wearing headphones listening to the radio braodcast.

As for my choosing the Cowboys. I think it was a combination of two things. I think while I was living in Kansas, they showed the Cowboys alot. That coupled with the fact they had some pretty hot cheerleaders settled the deal. When I was 4 (1977) I received a Roger Staubach jersey for Christmas. We also moved to Northern Virginia that year, where I have lived ever since.

I remember being the only Cowboys fan in school. I hate Joe Montana to this day for "The Catch". I remember pleading with my mom to let me stay home from school the day after Dallas lost to Washington in the NFC Championship game. I suffered thru Dallas' 1-15 season, only win against the Redskins.

People may say I am bandwagon fan. If being a fan of the Yankees and Cowboys since I started watching sports as a 3-4 year old and being a fan of both ever since makes me a bandwagon fan, then I guess I am.

Just wanted to share my background as to why I am a fan of both.

Thanks
Mike
Virginia

Then Gino, who is not helping the cause....

In addition to being a lifelong die-hard fan of these two teams, I also root for the North Carolina Tar Heels (Jordan and Carter are my two favorite players) and the Michigan Wolverines (guilty of being the #1 team in the country when I discovered college football at the tender age of 6).

I was born in 1991 and live less than 30 minutes outside of Albany, NY. This is Yankee country, so I don't see why I should even need to defend my love for the team. Granted, my youth ran parallel to the late-90s dynasty, and all I knew at the time was that the Yankees had lots of championships and were about to win a lot more. But I was unaware of the apparent law that I needed to be inherently bitter and reject the all the success of a team that had supplied me with cherished childhood memories.

As for the Cowboys, I was born in a Cowboys home. My dad was born the same year the team was founded, and grew up in a non-English speaking home. In an effort to assimilate into American culture, he rooted for America's Team, which they indisputably were at the time. And what more does a guy want than to find a woman who loves him, start his own successful business with her, and have a son in his own image who he can share his love for his favorite football team with? That's where I came in, and I was fortunate enough to grow up while Dallas was winning 3 Super Bowls in a 4-year period. But by the time I was 5, the winning had come and gone. And yet I have continued to watch and support this team through 3 consecutive 5-11 seasons, pathetic displays of management, and a barrage of late-season collapses.

I finish by saying that I neither want nor need anybody's sympathy for rooting for these teams. Need I remind you that LeBron James, who is inevitably becoming the face of sports, is both a Yankees fan and a Cowboys fan? I'll put my fanhood up against anybody's, and I may be celebrating prematurely here but the sporting world better brace itself for the very real possibility that the Yankees and the Cowboys will once again both be champions at the same time. The Yankees didn't rebuild, they reloaded. And how far can an undrafted QB and an undrafted WR take a team in the playoffs? We shall see.

Very sincerely,
Gino (aka the worst sports fan in America)

You know, I could have taken Gino's side on this if he didn't also admit to backing two different colleges he has no affiliation with that just happened to be among the winningest programs in the history of their sport. Sheesh.

* * * * *

It's Wednesday. Dibs on the pumpernickel bagel.

First pitch is in an hour or so. Please use this as your open thread. A new era of Yankee exceptionalism begins presently. I can't wait!

Photo by Stephanie Wei

* * * * *

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin.

Our first repeat winner, but it's hard to argue that he doesn't deserve it since he's finally earning a lifetime of $250 million contracts in one shortlong month. ("The New Mr. October and New Mr. November!") After Games 1 and 2 of the World Series (0-8, 6 Ks) it looked like all his post-season "failures" were coming back to haunt him once again. Then, with the Yankees in trouble in Game 3, he bounces one off a camera to start the rally and then comes up with another huge hit—under pressure even!—to give himself the game-winning RBI in Game 4. Plus, he got hit by a pitch three times in two days, because intentional walks just aren't rough enough for this guy.

You know what? I'm just going to say it. If there's anyone on the planet who can get away with hanging a painting of himself depicted as a mighty centaur over his bed, it's Alex Rodriguez. He's got True Yankee coming out of his ... well, everywhere.

Alex Rodriguez earns "true Yankee' status [Allentown Morning Call]
A-Rod all about quality, not quantity in Series [Daily News]
The 2009 MLB Season Has Belonged To A-Rod [Rumors and Rants]
Cashing in with the best team that money can buy [AP]
Matthews: A-Rod is now a postseason powerhouse [Newsday]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Johnny Damon: The real hero last night, Damon got a huge hit off Brad Lidge then stole two bases to set up A-Rod's big moment. Didn't he used to play in Rhode Island or something?

Vince Young: By waiting until his team played a very beatable Jacksonville squad (and until the Titans' season was pretty much over) to work his way into the starting lineup, Vince Young looks like a hero again. It was a very sane and mentally balanced performance. [The Tennessean]

Ted Ginn: Two 100-yard kickoff returns and 299 total kick return yards after not being allowed to start the game at WR. Obviously, he's much too valuable to be allowed to play offense. Also, I think the Jets might have some concerns on special teams. [Star-Ledger]

Unidentified Minnesota Quarterback: Yeah, yeah. I know.

Texas Longhorns: UT leapt over Alabama in the polls and the BCS simply because the Tide took the week off. Pussies. [AP]

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!: For the first time in 27 years, the NYC Marathon was won by a goddamn red-blooded American. (Who was born in Eritrea.) We will take that. [New York Times]

And the Weekend Loser?: The Oakland Raiders Receiving Corps. Just the way they drew it up.

After last night's base stealing extravaganza, Johnny Damon is feeling pretty good about himself. Good enough to revive his devilish tongue salute with Nick Swisher. Although I suppose it never really went away, did it?

Can they finally lick it up tonight? And by "it", I of course mean a big bowl of chocolate ice cream that they are eating in celebration of another Yankee championship. I know you're giddy from anticipation, but try to contain yourselves.

[Photo: AP]

* * * * *

More on the game in a bit. It's Monday morning. We've got a lot to cover today so do what you can to cancel your meetings. Priorities, people.

Let's cut right to the chase here, because there is no side-stepping the absolute ridiculousness of it. In an *EXCLUSIVE* story, US Weekly reports that a former lov-ah characterizes Rodriguez as a narcissist of sorts, going so far as to have two portraits of himself depicted as a centaur.

"He was so vain," his ex tells Us Weekly. "He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure?"

Adds the ex, "It was ridiculous."

Hoo boy. Apparently, one portrait hung over his bed. No word on the location of the other painting. Perhaps hanging above his ha-tub?

Moving on, Kate Hudson, A-Rod's current flame, has a tendency to gush during about their spirited bouts of Skanko-Roman wrestling.

"They love sex!" a pal tells Us Weekly of the pair who began dating in May. "They talk about it all day. Kate gets graphic talking about his body, even to her parents."

Holy crap! A couple is passionate about their lovemaking at the beginning of their relationship? Scandalous! All I know is Chris Robinson is weeping. Not because of Kate Hudson, his ex, but because he just ran out of grass. I hate it when that happens.

We have long suspected that Mr. Rodriguez may have some "issues," but if this is true, it really takes the cake. I mean, a centuar? Come on. How very droll. Sure, with the vast sums of money I have accumulated from sports blogging, I recently commissioned a painting of me as a minotaur, but since a minotaur is a man with a bull's head, it turned out just to be a regular old portrait of me. I guess I should have consulted my Dungeons & Dragons Monster's Manual beforehand. I'll never get that money back.

Nevertheless, a centaur is an interesting choice, especially for A-Rod. Wouldn't have a satyr, in particular the god Pan, been more appropriate? Not due to Rodriguez's penchant for Dionysian revelry, but because he's on his way to being the goat of the World Series?

Get it? You do? Still not laughing? Oh.

(Image courtesy of the wonderfully-talented Jason Fry of the Mets blog, Faith and Fear in Flushing)

Exclusive: Ex: A-Rod Had Portraits of Himself as Centaur Hanging Over His Bed [US Weekly]
A-Rod Has Some Very Peculiar Taste in Art [Last Angry Fan]

For this, the season's final installment of our stadium series, I asked a wide range of writers, critics, community activists, urban planners and fans to explain all that's loathsome about Versailles-on-the-Harlem River.

Neil deMause, Field of Schemes co-author and blogger:

The 1970s-renovated Yankee Stadium Mark II bore all the hallmarks of that decade's architecture — bland poured concrete, ugly escalator ramps tacked onto the exterior — but they were at least still slathered over the original skeleton of the House That Ruth Built, its tight upper-deck overhang and sweeping grandstand making it far more intimate than any stadium seating 57,000 had a right to be. By comparison, the new building bearing the Yankee Stadium name has taken all the worst aspects of the 1970s stadium and discarded anything worthwhile. Enough sloppily painted concrete and crappy aluminum panels to fill a dozen commuter rail stations? Check. Field-level seats that require a credit check, and upper-deck seats where the game is only a rumor? Check. The eradication of any genuine baseball flavor in favor of the kind of faux-history that usually is restricted to Las Vegas tourist traps? Check. A hideous restaurant in the batter's eye that simultaneously blocks the view of the field from the bleachers while submerging the markers to Yankees greats in a dark hole dubbed "Monument Cave"? You got it. If you're going to spend $1.2 billion in public money and leave local kids with no public parks to play in for five years, you'd hope you'd at least get a nice place to watch a ballgame out of the deal. Instead, the designers of Fake Yankee Stadium effectively turned their back on any populist tradition of the Bronx Zoo days and instead institutionalized the team's most grandiose, corporate traditions: They might as well have inscribed "Where It's Like Rooting For U.S. Steel" over the entrances.

John Pastier, architecture critic:

I used to play football on the grounds of today's Yankee Stadium more than 50 years ago, and now, as an enfeebled and doddering old geezer, I just don't have the wit or energy to kvetch about the monumental and hyperactive commercialism that saturates every nook and cranny of its interior, its outrageously inflated ticket prices, its officious bag-checkers ("We're the number two terrorist target" — oh, if only it were so!), its whopping Giuliani-concocted public subsidies, both visible and concealed, the inadequate bathrooms in its Hard Rock Cafe, its dimensionally-challenged right field porch (even shorter than the old joint's), its confiscation of public parkland, the pretentious banality embodied in its mausoleum-like limestone exterior, and the inexcusable lack of any historic plaque commemorating my athletic presence on the site well before Roger Maris even thought of setting foot in the Bronx.

And to think that George Carlin, Martin Scorsese, and I went to high school just six blocks away. Had George lived long enough to witness this outrageous intrusion into his old neighborhood, he would have been able to do full justice to this travesty. Now my last hope is that Scorsese will someday be moved to make a movie revealing how this all came to be. It'd be a film noir.

Martin Pedersen, executive editor, Metropolis Magazine:

Why Does Yankee Stadium Suck? Let me count the ways:

1) IT WAS THE PRODUCT OF A THOROUGHLY UNDEMOCRATIC POLITICAL PROCESS. The Yankees had spent the better part of three decades ignoring, criticizing or exploiting the South Bronx. Now in exchange for a new stadium, they get the promise (and remember here, the Yankees made and broke a lot of promises to the neighborhood, following the botched 1970s renovation of the original stadium) of a new park, located...on top of a parking garage (thank you very much). In the meantime, a woefully underserved neighborhood goes without a park for who knows how long?

2) IT'S DESIGN IS PROFOUNDLY UN-AMERICAN. Baseball has traditionally played a unifying role. The ballpark is where people of different classes and races and religions actually mingled. The box seats, where the swells sat, weren't physically separated from the proles. The new stadium is like an architectural system of class apartheid, with far fewer cheap seats pushed way up to the heavens (closer to God, at least) and many of the bleacher seats (home to the most loyal and ardent fans) with obstructed views. There is actually a concrete and plexiglass moat separating the I-bankers paying two or three thousand dollars a pop from the mere middle-management types paying, oh, three hundred dollars seat. (It's interesting: After the first playoff game against the Twins, Michael Kay and David Cone were speculating about the subdued nature of the crowd. Was it the 6 o'clock start? The early lead by the Twins? "Excuse me, guys," I shouted at the TV, "it's the fucking architecture!")

3) IN A BUILDING THAT'S ALMOST TWICE AS BIG, THERE ARE ABOUT 5000 FEWER SEATS. This is baseball stadium-as-mall.

3) THE NEW YANKEE STADIUM IS NOT A PRIVATELY FINANCED. We paid for a large portion of this stadium. Why Bloomberg, who had no stake in seeing the Yankees get a new home, went along with it is a mystery to me. It's simply unconscionable for a city, with children attending classes in janitor's closets, to spend money on for-profit sports franchises.

4) THE ORIGINAL STADIUM, AN AUTHENTIC PIECE OF AMERICAN HISTORY, COULD HAVE BEEN RESTORED. The truth is, it badly needed it. It wasn't build for 4 million fans a year, but that's why you hire architects and designers. To examine the problem and propose solutions. Why was Fenway Park, which is far smaller than the original Yankee Stadium, renovated and not "The Cathedral of Baseball"? (By the way, this is how the Yankees referred to the old stadium during its final year.) The original stadium, even deftly re-configured, wouldn't include as many luxury boxes and theme restaurants as the new stadium. It also would have forced the Yankees to share a stadium with the Mets for two seasons, thereby forgoing the opportunity to milk the original stadium's Final Season for all its worth. It was simply far easier and more profitable to take a neighborhood park and start fresh.

5) WHY DEMOLISH A CATHEDRAL?

David Gratt, former season ticket holder (sec 37 Row C seat 1) and former director, Friends of Yankee Stadium:

Because the $400,000,000 direct public investment is the equivalent of 8,000 teachers or cops or firemen at $50,000 per year.

Because the remaining $800,000,000 of the city's bonding authority was supposed to go to build things that we actually need, like the Second Avenue Subway, improved parks, or new or improved schools, police stations, firehouses or hospitals.

Because it would have only taken about $40,000,000 to fix up Macombs Dam Park, the Park that "new Yankee Stadium" sits on top of, while it will cost $120,000,000 to demolish Yankee Stadium and build replacement parks.

Because one of the rationales for the "new Yankee Stadium" was the Macombs Dam Park was too heavily used and needed to be replaced…indicating that success equals obsolescence.

Because attendance will never be higher than in 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008, again indicating that success equals obsolescence.

Because all of the potential move locations (New Jersey, Midtown, Yonkers) were off the table so the Yankees had no place to go…except Yankee Stadium.

Because the city had the Yankees over a barrel, and instead of dictating the terms, the city just gave the Yankees everything they wanted.

Because the city and the Yankees made all of the important decisions without public input; all that was left for the public to weigh in on was the terms of surrender. The public input process in NYC is a sham.

Because the city was paying the Yankees to develop a new stadium proposal …so when city officials met with Yankee officials about the proposal, both sides of the table were being paid out of the same pot of money.

Because the economic analysis rationalizing the project was primarily predicated on enormous increases in ticket prices…which were also possible at Yankee Stadium.

Because the same economic analysis double counted some job creation figures and revenue estimates creating to misleadingly sunny figures.

Because any new stadium has the same economic impact as a department store.

Because no one who actually studies these things believes that a stadium is a good municipal investment; there are just really bad deals and much, much worse deals.

Because, despite all the evidence against stadia as municipal investments, NYC politicians pushed through, not one, but two.

Because increasing the amount of Yankee operated concession space eight-fold, while good for the Yankees, is bad for the neighborhood.

Because the new stadium cuts down on seats but increases parking spaces.

Because city traffic and transportation engineers claimed that additional parking spaces would actually improve the traffic situation, a statement which is just wrong.

Because Reggie Jackson embarrassingly prostituted himself at a City Council hearing. So much for that alleged 160 IQ.

Because, while the Yankees did a great job of demonstrating why they wanted a new stadium, they never actually got around to demonstrating why they needed one.

Because city officials claimed that the Yankees needed a new stadium because the "cramped conditions" were impacting the Yankees' business operations; as if that is a concern of the city.

Because the same city officials claimed that it was impractical to have the Yankees play at Shea during a renovation process because Coke was a Yankees sponsor and Pepsi was a Mets sponsor.

Because the city never bothered to determine a cost estimate for a full renovation of its own asset.

Because a renovation might have cost $250,000,000 and kept Yankee Stadium current for the next 85 years.

Because the outside looks like a mausoleum…a mausoleum for baseball.

Because the inside looks like the Ballpark at Arlington. Way to go, HOK. Once other ballparks were modeled on Yankee Stadium. "New Yankee Stadium" is modeled after the AL West.

Because no one will ever care whether anyone hits a home run out of the "new Yankee Stadium"

Because Thurman Munson never played there.

Because it's not Yankee Stadium.

Lukas Herbert, urban planner and former member of New York City's Community Board 4:

Yankee Stadium sucks because it epitomizes everything that sucks about corporate America today, all rolled into one stadium.

The Yankees, probably the biggest corporate bastards of all baseball teams, started out by receiving a huge amount of corporate welfare from the City and State governments. Just like Wal-Mart plays off one town against another as a way to exact taxpayer dollars to improve their bottom line, the Yankees unbelievably told the City that they would "move somewhere else" if their demands for free land, free infrastructure and direct construction subsidies were not met. While few New Yorkers actually believed such a threat, Mayor Bloomberg had no problem using it as cover to shower the Yankees with financial gifts. So instead of using the money to fix crumbling schools, repair a subway system that's practically held together with duct-tape or keep firehouses and libraries open, the money went to build one of the fanciest stadiums in human history. Take from the poor and give to the rich!

Then of course, the taxpayers who helped to fund the stadium can barely afford to buy a ticket. Just like those corporate fat-cats who took government bail out money to reward themselves with high salaries, why should the Yankees do anything differently? If the taxpayers are helping to build this stadium, why not just use the money to provide more luxury seats for the rich? Or subsidize the outsized paychecks of the players? Clearly intended for the pre-bust era, the only irony of this situation was that nobody had any money to buy these fancy seats after the stadium got constructed, leaving the lower bowl noticeably empty for so many of this season's games.

Green buildings? What's that? The Yankees were apparently asleep for the last couple of years when it suddenly became un-cool to waste natural resources like oil and electricity. The lights that light up the stadium's field are often on 24-hours a day. The lights on the roof of the VIP parking garage were apparently installed with no off-switch (as a way to save money?) and have been on morning, noon and night since the stadium opened. Having suddenly realized that they were now driving the "Hummer" of stadiums in a world that was now desiring Priuses, the Yankees made a truly lame attempt to "greenwash" their stadium through token efforts like using hand sanitizer in bathrooms, instead of soap, to save water. Or biodegradable cups for soda. (You mean, like paper cups?) Tons of new buildings are being built in NYC with true "green" building amenities, but the Yankees never even gave it a thought. Now this lame "greenwash" public relations effort will probably only dupe the stupidest of people.

But perhaps the worst offense of the new Yankee Stadium is what you no longer see: 16 acres of parkland that were taken away from one of the poorest communities in the country. Playing the subsidy game, the Yankees asked for free land –- a community park -– to build their new stadium. Since poor people, minorities and immigrants don't count for much in Michael Bloomberg's New York, why not just give the park over to the Yankees? Sure, the parks will be replaced (at City taxpayer expense), but that will only happen after the needs of the Yankees are met and the old stadium is demolished. (Which is taking way longer than anybody thought it would.) Just like a greedy oil company that goes into a poor country and screws everyone over in the name of "economic development", the Yankees have employed the same model in this community, promising economic benefits while damaging people's lives. Asthma and childhood obesity are issues that plague the inner cities. They way to solve these problems is through more active open space and more trees. The Yankees chopped down 300 mature trees and took away 16 acres of parkland for the next several years to have their stadium. Public health ills be damned! Just like life expectancy is shortened when a greedy corporation opens a pollution-spewing factory in an area with few economic resources, so has this been the situation with this greedy corporation (the Yankees) in the South Bronx chopping down our trees and taking away our open space. People now have crappier lives and worse health because of this stadium.

There are some people in this world who make consumer choices based on their moral beliefs. Maybe they don't wear fur, or eat meat, or buy food shipped in from China, or drive gas guzzlers, or buy from companies that support oppression around the world. So if you are already making these choices with your wallet, why should major league baseball be exempt from your scrutiny? The Yankees have shown themselves to be an evil corporation willing to take massive taxpayer subsidies and waste them on an energy-inefficient stadium priced only for the rich, all while screwing over a poor community and stealing what little they had in terms of trees and open space. Just because they are a baseball team, does that make them any less responsible?

Joyce Hogi, Bronx resident and 2nd vice president of the Bronx Council of Environmental Quality:

I think Yankee Stadium sucks because it was built on valuable parkland that was taken away from the community and they haven't been fully replaced. It will be at least another 2 years; possibly longer, until that happens. I think the stadium sucks because the attention paid to the construction of the bleacher areas is an insult to those fans that cannot afford the pricey seats. It sucks because the stadium's lights are on 24/7 and those residents who live a mere 100 ft across the street can get no relief from them. It sucks because the police become super aggressive toward the community during games by blocking streets, putting up barricades to direct fans from the garages and train stations right into the stadium so there is little or no pedestrian traffic to the local businesses.

Killian Jordan, Yankees fan and Bronx resident:

Yankee Stadium is hateful because it's a monolith, more than a building — huge and looming. Imposing, but far from beautiful. It has turned a neighborhood of parks into a neighborhood of parking garages. It charges more for beer than a Dubai country club. While the team has some personality, management has only an overheated ego and absolute contempt for its surroundings. Like any royal with a proud history of droit de seigneur, it just fucks everything it touches.

The view from the stands (everything sic'd):

Yankee stadium sucks because they had to spend 1.5 BILLION dollars to make it look like an older one they fucked up in the ‘70s.

Yankee stadium sucks because it's in the armpit of the Bronx – why do you think they show pictures of manhattan when they show "outside shots of the city" on tv. Where is the shot of "Ball Park Sports Bar & Grill" under the tracks?!

Yankee stadium sucks because even during a rain delay you can't move down beyond the "moat" – they have armed guards keeping you and the black knight at bay even in monsoons.

Yankee stadium sucks because beers are $9 at the cheapest, and after the 3rd inning, you actually start to believe you are getting a good deal.

Yankees stadium sucks because the morons who built the pathways to monument park didn't account for proper head height, so there is an triangular cut in the concrete as you pass underneath an angled beam – this is the what the millions and billions went towards? Getting Ortiz's jersey out of the foundations and correcting stupid mistakes.

Yankees stadium sucks because the towel dispensers in the bathroom are 2 inches above the sinks. I dare you to try to finish using a towel dispenser and try to be dryer than when you first stepped up to it.

Yankee stadium sucks because of the legends suites. Douchebag McTools from around the Tri-State area show up at these "exclusive" restaurants and bars and seats just to express their douche-iness.

Yankee stadium is awesome because when it's time to dance the camera men do a great job of showing hot and/or skanky women rocking out seemingly to themselves until it is too late. (John B.)

I was able to score 4 tickets to the first exhibition game at the new yankee stadium. with little interest in the game, we took a tour of the concourse, where we happened upon an art gallery. at a baseball stadium. I couldn't believe my eyes. However, it got worse. As I entered the gallery, I saw a guy take a painting off the wall and take it to the register. After placing the art piece on the counter, he asks if he can keep the price tag that was still hanging on the wall. The lady agrees, but before he grabs it I see the price: $3,000. (Pedraic)

I went to a Yankees-Angels game in May with my father, father-in-law, and brother. A foul ball came towards us and my klutzy brother, who was sitting on the aisle, got up, turned around to try and catch it, and tripped over the step, falling into the person sitting across from him us in section 112. This man, who was at the game with his wife and three daughters (who looked to be about ages 5-10), violently shoved my brother back and threatened that if he touched him again, he would punch my brother in the face. My brother is fifteen years old. I explained to this lout that it was an accident and his response was that he was pushed into his kids and he was going to protect them (ostensibly by punching my brother in the face). I told him my brother was a kid too and that there wasn't going to be any punching of anyone. I think it failed to dawn on this person that maybe it would do more good for his children if he were a good role model rather than threatening to punch another child in the face at a baseball game.

Anyway, it's people like this (not to mention the ones who yell awful, racist stuff when the Red Sox are in town) that make me somewhat embarrassed to classify myself along with them as Yankee fans.

Also, attached is a pic I took of Father of the Year.

(Michael S.)

I was up there for the Phils - Yanks series on Memorial Day weekend. How is that Phillies fans are there in equal numbers to Yankees fans? What a complete joke, how many people live in New York, 15 million and you can't fill a baseball stadium with your own fans. Pathetic. Riding the subway up there was hilarious, the whole subway car was chanting let's go Phillies the entire time.

So we start off the afternoon by heading over to Stan's to stock up on beers that don't cost us 10 dollars (we remembered after arriving at said bar that in NYC everything costs double what it should). Highlight of Stan's was one of my buddies puking all over a middle aged lady and two of are other friend's pants. We arrive in the stadium to find out that like most other Phils fans who never been there before it takes 20 minutes to reach your seats in the upper deck. After riding on an endless parade of escalators we reach our seats. Now had I never been to the old stadium I would have thought that the view wasn't that bad. But as anyone who had been to the old stadium can tell you, the new place cannot even compare. You are twice as far from the field and the ticket is more money. Awesome. Now I'm spoiled after going from the Vet to CBP but shouldn't a brand new stadium result in a better product for the customer? Well, I'm sure the BOA suite is an upgrade on the old one. The other obvious thing about that place is the center field eyesore. Who puts something that looks like a 1980's haunted house in the center field seats of a major league ballpark? That, and the fact that Steinbrenner decided to put ads all over the place. Its like watching a game being played on a giant billboard. I understand a few ads here and there but that is out of control. I guess you have to pay for that team somehow. Anyway, the old Yankee Stadium was amazing, the new place sucks. (Bob E.)

I learned this year that the new Stadium isn't immune to the...enthusiastic nature of Bombers fans. In the middle of an otherwise unmemorable and totally meaningless September loss to Baltimore, Edwar Ramirez came in and promptly gave up 3 or 4 runs (as is his nature.) The guy sitting in front of me was not amused. I believe the exact quote he screamed was "GOD DAMNIT! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS BUGS BUNNY MOTHERFUCK! THIS TIME I'M GOING TO KILL HIM, I SWEAR TO GOD! HE'S FINISHED!" He then proceeded to storm out of his seat, presumably to go from the second to last row of the stadium down to the dugout to kill Edwar Ramirez.

What's crazier than that? I had seen almost the exact same scene play out 2 years earlier, only Kyle Farnsworth was the one in mortal danger.

Go Yankees. (Henry D.)

Every year my family and a few close friends do a big group trip to see a game in a different MLB ballpark. This year, we decided to go see a game in the new Yankee Stadium. Now, I used to live in NY and CT so I've learned to really hate the Yankees, but I am a baseball fan so I was looking forward to seeing Monument Park. The Yankees' website advises us that it's open until 45 minutes before game time. We arrive about an hour and a half before game time and find a line longer than my...well, it's long. Whatever, we decide to wait in the retardedly long line...only to have two security guards who couldn't give a shit about their job tell us that the line was cut off at the person right in front of us. Never mind that some of us had flown cross-country, or that it's still open for 45 minutes, they assure us there is no fucking way we are getting in. Three of us say fuck that and go watch BP. The rest of our group decided to take their chances at the end of the line. 45 minutes later, the rest of my family catches up with us. They wouldn't let them in. Fucking dicks.

So while we're watching BP, Phil Coke is shagging balls in the outfield, and he throws one up into the first few rows. The first few rows are nice, individual seats, which are separated from the bleachers and the fans who just wandered down for BP by a big concrete wall. One of the fans in the bleachers, who is proudly sporting a "Bleacher Creatures" shirt, yells down to Coke, "Hey Phil! How 'bout one for the REAL fans?" The bougie fans in the first few rows did not take kindly to that remark and turned around to advise the Bleacher Creature to shut the fuck up. Nice caste system the Yankees are creating with their fans. To Phil Coke's credit, he did throw the guy a ball.

Also, Yankee Stadium, in all of its corporate branding glory, features the most pathetic beer stand ever:

(Alex)

Thanks for all your contributions, and please start racking your brains for nasty things to say about Tropicana Field, Chase Field, Minute Maid Park, Rogers Centre, Great American Ball Park, Progressive Field, Coors Field, Comerica Park, Land Shark Stadium and PNC Park. Send them to craggs@deadspin.com.

He's obviously somewhat self-conscious about it, seemingly making an effort to keep them covered in public (See here for a typical photo). But what would possess a man with perfectly fine teeth to turn into metalmouth at age 45? A promise to his daughter.

Buried deep within this amateurish local station's "blog" (this is the kind of stuff they're going to be charging for, people), is the story of how Girardi's then-5-year-old daughter was scared of getting braces, so he made her a deal: if she needed them, he'd get them too.

So little Serena's teeth got all crooked, and Papa Joe lived up to his end of the bargain. That's adorable. Almost makes me forget that Damaso Marte and Jerry Hairston have no business being on a major league field.

The Yankees Go Hollywood! [News 12]

Line up changes for tonight. We have a Matt Stairs sighting! He'll DH for Philly. For the Yankees, Swisher and Posada are out, Hairston and Molina (to catch Burnett) are in. Fortunately for New York, their opponent also has to replace Cliff Lee and his magic glove. Pedro Martinez gets one more chance to take down the hated Yankees before he's cast out into the Atlantic on a flaming barge.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WHO WILL PREVAIL? WILL I HAVE ENOUGH NACHOS TO LAST PAST THE SIXTH INNING! I can't wait to find out the answers. Especially the nachos one.

[Photo by reader Brian B.]

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I would rather starve than eat your pizza rolls. Barry P. is on deck with some designated hitting of his own. Thanks you for you continued support Peter King's trainer.

There's no point in previews or predictions at this stage (I think there will be at least four games ... and three groin pulls) so just go ahead and open thread your brains out below. Angry rants and trash talk are more than welcome, but anyone who says "an A-bomb from A-Rod!" is automatically banned. Now go get some.

[Photo: Getty]

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Barry P. will have some other nonsense for you later. Thank you for your continued support of the Deadspin Dream Factory.