Brook Lopez had 31 points; Courtney Lee had 27. Newark Star-Ledger columnist Dave D'Allesandro called the Nets' triumph the end of "our national nightmare," which one hopes isn't some sneaky sign that the Garden State is about to start a sports-related secession movement. Anyway. The people manning Deadspin's reins on this fine Saturday, which has been dubbed No Tiger Saturday by forces beyond our control, are the people behind hieroglyphic-inspired Young Manhattanite. We will attempt to deliver you timely but most likely outdated sports content in the fashion of Larry King's USA Today column. We'll skip the credentials, you won't care anyway, but do know we are not New York-centric assholes. Hailing from the proud lands of Maryland, New Jersey, the State of Long Island, Ohio and Las Vegas, you'll see we're Real America Assholes. One of us is paying off a four-year-old debt to Deadspin editor AJ Daulerio and that's why we're here. We won't convince you otherwise.


Please send all tips to the tip tagline. And in order to provide at least a little continuity, here's another video from Faith No More. It's thematically appropriate and everything!

Faith No More - A Small Victory [Dailymotion]
[Photo: AP]

Those teams now officially suck less than this year's edition of the Nets, who lost their 18th straight and broke the record shared by the Clippers and the Heat. Barry Petchesky live blogged the game for some reason, and it turned out to be something like live blogging the Hindenburg. I'm not sure what's sadder: the 49 points the Nets surrendered to the Mavs in the second quarter or this exchange between Nets interim sap Tom Barrise and a fan:

He reached out and blurted, "Tom … Tom …" and clenched Barrise's fist and appeared to be as serious about this moment as any in his life, when he blurted these words straight from his broken Nets heart.

"One and 17 tonight, coach!" he said, and held on for a moment and repeated himself.

"One and 17!"

One day, the Nets will win a game, and perhaps they will feel about their accomplishment as former Heat guard Rory Sparrow did about his team's first victory in 1988 (over the Clippers, naturally). He calls it "the game I'll never forget." And there is hope yet that the Nets will not suck as hard as the NBA's all-time leader in suck, the 1972-73 76ers, who won nine games in all. Reports Kevin Pelton of Basketball Prospectus:

First, let's try to establish what a streak like this really says about a team. Dean Oliver considered the issue in a chapter of his seminal Basketball on Paper devoted to winning and losing streaks. Oliver showed that a team with a 20-game losing streak at any point in an NBA season has a 19 percent shot of finishing the year with 21 wins or more. So while an 18-game streak is certainly a bad sign, it's hardly proof the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers' 9-73 record is in grave jeopardy.

Honorable mentions: Wisconsin, of course. And Illinois, too, because, holy shit, did you watch that game? A 23-point a comeback? Led by two freshmen and a guy who moves like something out of a Boris Karloff movie? Oskee fucking wow-wow.

A warning: I may not have the heart to give this the attention it doesn't deserve. But I'll try my best in solidarity with my brothers across the Hudson.

9:51: And we have 0-18. That'll be it for this miserable live blog. "An imperfect storm," says Ian Eagle, perhaps misunderstanding the meaning of imperfect. What's the opposite of undefeated? "Defeated?" Yeah, that sounds about right.

9:50: 30 seconds left, and a pretty substantial cascade of boos comes down from the crowd. Not being facetious when I say "at least they care."

9:48: And we've reached the point of the game where the commentators are going over their lists of past broadcast partners they enjoyed working with more than each other.

9:47: Jason Kidd hits the bench with 16 points, 8 rebounds, 10 assists, and 5 steals. I know all other things aren't equal, but Devin Harris's corresponding numbers are 17, 1, 3 and 2.

9:45: It's an 18-point game with 3:10 left. At this point I'm just praying that Jersey doesn't make it close enough to make it worth fouling.

9:41: My will is flagging. Nets fans, is it like this every night? It's one thing to be bad, but something else entirely to be boring. The pieces look like they're there, and in a few years with a few good moves this franchise could be right back at the top, but right now, this is torture to watch.

9:38: I've never seen a team miss so consistently those just-for-fun shots after play stops.

9:35: Nets close the lead to 16, and their fan goes wild.

9:25: It occurs to me that the Nets have a very winnable game against the Bobcats on Friday, and could break their streak by moving to 1-18; the inverse of the greatest streak breaker in history.

9:21: It's 105-78 at the end of the third quarter. If we ignore that whole 49-point outburst in the second, these two teams look evenly matched. And if we ignore the previous 17 games, New Jersey is undefeated this year.

9:15: Sean Williams goaltends by hanging on the rim when Dirk was shooting, for some reason. Next time down the court, the Nets fail to get a shot off in their 24 seconds.

9:12:The Nets are making a run! They're within 20. Highly disappointed with this development, Rick Carlisle calls a timeout to make his players think about what they've done.

9:11: The Nets are averaging 86 points a game. Dallas scored 88 with 7:26 left in the third quarter.

9:08: Some astounding numbers from midway through the third: the Mavs are shooting 72% from the floor, and slightly better from beyond the arc.

9:05: Announcer: "Kiki Vandeweghe probably is the best shooter associated with the Nets." Honestly, put him in! If you're going to fail, at least sell tickets while you do it.

9:03: Erick Dampier goes for a put-back, lands, sets himself, and jumps again to tip in his own shot, all while three Nets defenders stand by and watch.

8:55: Oh no! Noelle is being kicked off So You Think You Can Dance! Also, probably the Nets are doing something poorly, why not.

8:53: And, we're back. Dirk hits an unguarded 25-footer. Lovely.

8:50: Let's see what's going on with the Knicks...oh, down 21. When's baseball season again?

8:48Jason Kidd and Kenyon Martin both ripped Bruce Ratner this week for caring more about real estate than the Nets. It's hard to blame him; the difference is, people expect the real estate market to rebound eventually.

8:43: Poor Nancy Newman doing the around-the-NBA highlights at the half can't keep a tinge of jealousy out of her voice every time some other team goes something good. Sad, really.

8:37: And it's halftime, with the Mavs up 77-50. It's a pattern; NJ was down 25 at the half to the Lakers on Sunday when they had a chance to avoid tying the record. "Did they give up already?" asks one non-sports-fan friend. "Maybe they just get tired easily," opines the girlfriend. I opt for all of the above.

8:33: The Muppets are singing at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting. Best sixth man: Bobby Simmons, or Rizzo the Rat?

8:30: I look up, and it's a 20-point game. When did this happen?

8:27: Spectacular ball movement by the Nets had the Mavs totally off balance, culminating in a missed 7-footer. Dirk promptly nails a three-pointer on the other end. Story of the season.

8:21: Dallas is up 48-39. It's like a child torturing a spider, pulling out the legs one at a time. The damn thing keeps wiggling, but you're just waiting for the moment when the child gets tired of the game and squishes it.

8:17: My girlfriend has put on "So You Think You Can Dance." I barely brought myself to care enough to ask her to turn it back.

8:13: The Nets' highest paid player, Bobby Simmons, has a name that makes him sound like a fat, older white guy who works at your office. He's also averaging less than 20 minutes per game.

8:07: And after a quarter, we're tied up at 28. It's the most points the Nets have scored in the first quarter all year. If these teams stay on the same pace...they'll be forever tied and we'll have infinite overtimes.

8:04: Terrence Williams with a monster dunk on a breakaway. This team has a good amount of talent, or at least not an 0-17 lack of talent. But, much like my fantasy football team, barely falling short time after time will still count as a string of losses. I'm not bitter.

8:01: The mic picks up that same damn kid, screaming "airball" at the top of his lungs. Urge to kill...rising.

7:57: Nets on an 8-0 run to tie the game at 19. I know it's early, but if the Nets pull this out, where does this rank with the greatest wins of all time? Higher than the Miracle on Ice? Upset beating Man O'War?

7:51: 6:25 left in the 1st, Mavs up 17-9. Hollinger says statistically, the T-Wolves are worse than the Nets, but as a liveblog is rapidly teaching me, sometimes you have to watch the games to see how hapless a team is.

7:48: The announcers stumble over Rodrigue Beaubois's name, leading to some French jokes culminating with "Do you like croissants?" Not sure how that's any less offensive than the Hamed Haddadi jokes.

7:46: As Kidd shoots a pair of free throws, the crowd mic picks up a child booing at the top of his lungs. Darn kids, no sense of their team's storied history.

7:42: And Jason Kidd hits the three. Told you.

7:42: Nets win the tip! And score on the first possession! This will likely be the only win, and only lead tonight.

7:39: To a man, the Nets say the record's not important. Then why is every question asked about the record?

7:35: Poor Tom Barrise. Kiki Vandeweghe takes over as coach tomorrow, so Barrise's only two games as an NBA coach are record-tying and -setting losses.

7:30: Nice little package to start the YES Network broadcast, complete with dramatic music. We're a part of history here, folks.

7:25: They're going with the same lineup tonight. Got to dance with the one what brought you, I suppose.

Let's not forget that Lawrence Frank holds the records for most wins to start a coaching tenure. And let's not forget that New Jersey shipped out the last remaining member of their Big Three at the start of this season. But someone has to take the fall for making East Rutherford the least attractive destination for LeBron, despite their piles of available cash.

I don't know about you, but I think the next two games for the Nets are just about the most fascinating matchups in this young season. The Lakers and Mavericks, with a combined eight losses between them, are all that stand between NJ and history. Assistant Tom Barrise will be on the bench for tonight's game against the defending champs, and then they'll have a cross-country flight and three long days to contemplate Dallas coming to town.

A losing streak is so much more identifiable with than an undefeated streak. We were awed by Tom Brady, and are amazed by Peyton Manning and Drew Brees, because they're light years beyond us. First, to play at a professional level, and second, to never lose? That's unfathomable. But to go down day after day, week after week is a universal feeling.

Whether it be a cold streak with women, or a terrible run in fantasy football, or even a general sense that life has never stopped shitting on us, we all know how the Nets feel. They'll try their hardest tonight, and they may still lose. Because sometimes that's what happens. Sometimes, no matter what you do, you just can't win.

•••••

Thanks for joining me today for Deadspin: Canada. We'll return you to your regularly scheduled Tiger Beat tomorrow.

Head coach Lawrence Frank went so far as say that the Nets "cheated the game" in the first half, but guard Devin Harris displayed the quiet, cool confidence after the game that one would expect out of player on a team that has lost 16 straight games.

"It doesn't matter who we have from here on out. We have to come out with the same type of intensity we had in the second half no matter if it's the Lakers or the Knicks. We have to treat everybody the same and come out with a decent effort. Yeah they're the defending champions, but they can be beat. If we give the effort we need to, we'll keep ourselves in the game."

Notice that Harris doesn't claim that the Nets can beat the Lakers, just that the Lakers can be beat - by somebody - probably not the Nets. But Harris believes if the Nets give a good effort, the Nets can stay in the game, which is good, I guess.

Either way, things are not looking good for Lawrence Frank. Some believe that he could be out of a job as soon as Sunday if the Nets lose to the Lakers and tie the record. Obviously, these people were not swayed by the barely-positive attitude displayed by Harris. That guy should be giving motivational speeches.

Winless Nets lose 16th straight, 109-96 to Kings [Yahoo!/AP]
Nets now 0-16, Lawrence Frank could be headed for unemployment line [New York Daily News]

All the way back in April 2004, Williams was originally acquitted of aggravated manslaughter, assault and other weapons charges after he accidentally killed his limo driver with a shotgun during a party in his home. However, he was convicted on four charges related to his attempts to cover up the shooting and the jury deadlocked on a lesser charger of reckless manslaughter. His sentencing on the cover-up was postponed until there could be a retrial on the reckless manslaughter case, but due to various procedural maneuvers, that trial never happened. He's basically been out on bail for five years.

The retrial was finally slated to resume next January, but sources says that Williams will go to court tomorrow and plead guilty to aggravated assault, ending all the legal challenges. (He settled a civil suit in 2003.) He will face up to three years in prison, but will get a minimum of 18 months because the crime involved a gun. Plus, he could have faced as many 13 years for the charges from the original trial, but those have likely been negotiated down with the plea bargain.

So basically, it's been nearly eight years, but Williams may finally now be punished for trying to impress his idiot friends with a loaded shotgun. If you don't count his failed life, total destruction of his reputation, and possible loss of sanity as punishment. (That's a start, but after all, he did kill a guy.)

Jayson Williams is expected to serve 18 months in prison for 2002 death [Newark Star-Ledger]
Jayson Williams taking deal in shooting [AP]
Jayson Williams to take plea deal in shooting case [ESPN]

Shabtai Kalmanovich, one of Prokhorov's partners in post-Soviet billionaire sports owner crime, was murdered on Monday. Kalmanovich is the owner of the Spartak Moscow women's basketball team that is famous for shelling out big bucks to sign WNBA stars like Lauren Jackson, Sue Bird, and Diana Taurasi. He was also gunned down on the streets of Moscow when another car pulled up alongside his and opened fire. Yeah, not exactly a random act of violence.

Police say they believe that the murder could be linked to Kalmanovich's business activities, and maybe even "his prominent role in Russian basketball." So that must make people like Prokhorov feel really safe and secure. The NBA too. It sure won't make David Stern comfortable imagining one of his owners getting blown away outside the Meadowlands. (Of course, if it happened at the Meadowlands there's a chance no one would notice.) Maybe he's trying to buy the Nets not to bring NBA "technology" to his homeland, but so he can get the hell out of dodge.

Personally, I'm shocked to learn that running a business in the former Soviet Republics could be so dangerous! Or ... here's another theory. Kalmanovich is also a former KGB spy who spent time in an Israeli prison for espionage. I'm not an expert on the post-Cold War politics of Eastern European spy networks, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say his brazen gangland murder might be related to that.

Spartak Moscow owner Shabtai Kalmanovitch assassinated [Women Talk Sports]
Ex-Shin Bet, KGB double agent shot dead in Moscow [Haaretz]
Ex-spy Kalmanovich to be buried in Israel [YnetNews]
Russian spy-turned-tycoon gunned down [The Age]

The ad wizards in Jersey have unleashed a new promotion, "Your Ticket to a Player." For $25,000, you can have the Net of your choice show up at "your home, office, school or party" for one solid hour! Imagine! Playing pin the tail on the donkey with Yi Jianlian!

Oh, you also get four courtside seats, free food, drinks and parking for 10 Nets home game this season. Like anyone would actually want watch these guys play basketball.

For $25K, Brook Lopez Will Come to Your House [SLAM]
New Jersey Nets player will go to birthday party ... for 25K [ESPN]

The whore-loving nickel salesman initially laughed off the rumors that he was being courted to invest in the soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets, but then admitted that he had indeed been approached to become a "shareholder" of the team. He did have a counter-proposal, however. It was: "Why don't you just give me all the shares and get out of my way?"

Oh, and he posted the offer on this blog. Eat your heart out, Mark Cuban!

For our group, participation in such a complex project undoubtedly is interesting only in the event that NBA technology can be used for the systematic development of basketball in Russia. ... We need to change the model of basketball development in Russia with the aid of super modern systems of training sportsmen (this is the innovative model). The basis for development should be a strong student basketball league beginning in children's sports schools. We'll get to work on this, if we realize this deal.

Over the weekend, I sent the "New Jersey" shareholders a counter proposal about our involvement in the project with an emphasis on Russian interests:

1. Commercial conditions:

* "ONEKSIM" provides financing for the construction of the new arena in Brooklyn guaranteed by a significant share in the project.
* a controlling shareholder interest in the "New Jersey" team will be transferred to the group for a symbolic price.
* as part of this deal, the group will attract correspondent financing in Western banks (I consider that if this works out, the deal would be just unique!).

2. Qualitative conditions:

* Russia would achieve a position of equality among the elites of world basketball.
* access to all modern technology and training methods with the possibility of using them in Russia.
* apprenticeships for leading Russian trainers and managers in the NBA.
* the ability to send our best students to NBA training camps.

In other words, all your Nets are belong to us. He'll build your little NBA arena, but then fill it with Russian supermen who will do his bidding. There's no rule that says an NBA team can't be owned by foreigners—or anyone crazier than Cuban—so if David Stern hasn't forgotten about his "NBA is a global game" fantasy, he might be all for it. Nine billion dollars buys you a lot of WNBA jerseys!

The only question that remains is what would be the best "symbolic price" for someone purchasing the New Jersey Nets? How about a picture of Vince Carter autographed by Kerry Kittles?

Prokhorov Issues Absurd Statement on the Nets and Atlantic Yards, No Matter How Well Translated [DDDB.net]
Russian billionaire might buy, move Nets to Brooklyn [Newsday]
Russian Tycoon Moves Closer to Netting Nets [Wall Street Journal]

UPDATE: It looks the Nets have accepted the deal. So welcome to the NBA Crazy Rich Russian Guy! [ESPN]

Ratner is still scrambling to build his terrible horrible no good very bad basketball arena right in the middle of the busiest intersection in Brooklyn. Nobody really wants it there and no one wants to pay for it—he had to fire architecture god Frank Gehry because his original design was too expensive—and the eminent domain-ed land owners will fight it tooth and nail. Yet Ratner persists. And with a "break ground or else" deadline looming he's turned to the only person who can help him—a disgustingly rich Russian oligarch.

According to Forbes, Mikhail Prokhorov is the richest man in Russia, worth approximately $9 billion. (And he's single! Ladies?) Reports are saying that Ratner has offered Prokhorov an ownership stake in the Nets if he helps build the arena. Other sports teams have dropped Prokhorov's name recently in order to make people think they are a viable business, so it could just be a smokescreen. On the other hand, the guy loves basketball and probably wants to meet LeBron James and Jay-Z, so who knows? Doesn't he look like a man who wants to play some hoops?

In other news, the Nets should just move to Boise or something. Plenty of space there!

Prokhorov May Fund NBA Stadium [Moscow Times]
Huge Atlantic Yards project wins crucial approval [Crain's]
New Jersey Nets' new arena could get assist from Russian tycoon Mikhail Prokhorov [ESPN]

In what has to be a first, the Nets are running a promotion that gives fans who buy a 10-game package five reversible jerseys. On one side: one of the league's superstars. On the other: some shitty Nets player.

Want a Kevin Garnett uni? Then you're going to have to accept a Yi Jianlian one. Got your eye on that snazzy LeBron jersey? It's yours, if you take this Jarvis Hayes jersey too.

Most curious of all is what appears to be a throwback Stephon Marbury jersey paired with Kobe's Lakers uniform.

It's an interesting proposition. The Nets are essentially saying to fans, if you want these sought-after replica jerseys, you're going to have to take our team's stuff with them. But there's a fatal flaw: no one will ever wear them as Nets stuff except on laundry day.

And if five jerseys don't sweeten the pot enough, you get a month's subscription to the New York Post. You can keep your D-Wade jersey, I'm already sold!

Nets 10 Game Match Up Plan [NJNets.com, H/T reader Ray]

The Nets have changed their road uniforms for the upcoming season to just say "Nets" instead of "New Jersey", which means thousands of NBA fans in other cities will be watching a visiting team and have no idea where they came from. This prompted Senate Minority Whip Kevin O'Toole (R-Cedar Grove) to look around at the big NY signs on Giants and Jets paraphernalia and say, "Heyyyy, wait a second...."

"New Jersey's professional sports teams, the Nets, Jets and Giants, have no problem feeding at the taxpayer funded trough, yet seem to forget who their benefactors are when they order the teams' uniforms," O'Toole said. "The taxpayers of this state have poured hundreds of millions of dollars into infrastructure upgrades in the Meadowlands where all the teams play their home games. Is it too much to ask that professional sports teams that benefit from the support of the New Jersey taxpayer recognize the state on their uniforms?

No, I suppose it isn't, sir. Of course, one could also make the argument that pro sports teams don't deserve taxpayer-funded anything because they are filthy rich corporations that don't need government largesse to stay in business. Instead, you would rather insist that the Nets continue to embarrass your entire state by admitting that they belong to you.

At least the Devils don't hate you! (Yet.)

O'Toole slams Nets for dropping 'NJ' from uniforms, suggests withholding state subsidies for teams that don't show Jersey pride [Politicker NJ, via Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Sean Williams was at the Park Meadows Mall outside of Denver yesterday, when police say he got into an argument with a clerk at a cell phone store. Williams allegedly "picked up the computer monitor and threw it, destroying a printer and other equipment in the process," reportedly causing about $1,300 in damage. He was asked to spend the rest of the afternoon in jail, but the good news is that he missed his team's 25-point drubbing at the hands of the hometown Nuggets later that evening.

The only headlines Williams has made so far this year came when he got kicked off the Boston College campus for trespassing, but this should definitely help keep his name in the papers—especially since his basketball playing ability is not. You don't suppose that has anything to do with his rage issues, do you?

Nets player throws computer, is jailed [Denver Post]
NBA player arrested after altercation at Lone Tree cell phone store [9News]
Can You Hear Me Now?
Earlier: Sean Williams Knows How To Make An Entrance (And Exit)

Notice, I didn't say alma mater because Williams was kicked off the Eagles team back in 2007 and then banned from the campus in May of last year. But I guess the appeal of a Duke game was too much to keep him away. Too bad he never made it inside.

When he was spotted shortly after 4:30 p.m. Sunday, police questioned why he was there and police stated, "He started to act belligerent and walk away," the report reads.

Police warned Williams that if he continued to, "act unruly or resist," he would be pepper-sprayed, according to the report....

Williams is accused by Boston College police of writing "(expletive) you" in place of his name on both a fingerprint card and a trespass warning while being booked.

Awesome. If that wasn't enough, Williams blew off his arraignment today, saying his busy schedule with the Nets prevents him from doing silly things like going to court. Then again, he's only appeared in three games since Dec. 12, so his schedule can't be that full.

Judge nixes warrant for Sean Williams on skipped court date [Boston Herald]

When last we saw them: Finished Record: 34-48, fourth in the Atlantic Division, 10th overall in the East and 273rd in the Galactic Consol of Glartz

Placeholders: Bobby Simmons, Brook Lopez, Chris Douglas-Roberts, Eduardo Najera, Jarvis Hayes, Keyon Dooling, Ryan Anderson, Yi Jianlian

Cleared out for future LeBron cap space the purposes of winning: Bostjan Nachbar, Darrell Armstrong, DeSagna Diop, Marcus Williams, Nenad Krstic, Richard Jefferson

The Good: Okay, so, what's "good" about a team that's being rebuilt to win a few years from now? Well, this is going to sound nuts, but the Nets were an incredibly unselfish team last season: They racked up 1,925 assists, second-most (behind Toronto) in the East and sixth overall in the NBA. But it's even better than it sounds, because the Nets assisted on 67.4 percent of their field goals, which led the league. And ball movement leads to good basketball! Uh, right? [Glosses over last year's 10th place finish] ANYWAY...franchise centerpiece Vince Carter can do it all (21.3 PPG, 6.0 RPG and 5.1 APG last season). And maybe, with Kidd gone, Vinsanity will be inspired to give it his all and lead this young team to the playoffs. (Farfetched, I know, but still.) Devin Harris, the principle pickup in the Jason Kidd trade, is a young speedster who can score and dish, and Lawrence Frank is building the offense around his PG. Said Harris: "It's so wide open. There's no set down-picks and cross-screens. It's pretty much just reading off of what I do when I start the offense. It's me getting in the lane. It's pretty much predicated on what I do." They've assembled a young core (Boone, Williams, Jainlain, Lopez, Anderson and Douglas-Roberts) that might be really good. In a couple years. They brought in some veteran leaders (Najera, Dooling and Hayes) to keep the kiddies in line in the meantime. And, most importantly, management has arranged the books so they'll have only $25.6 million in salary for 2010-11...when, as we all know, LeBron "I heart New York" James will become a free agent.

The Bad: For starters, a team that's not being built to win right now probably, you know, won't win right now. That's enough to demotivate even the stoutest heart. And as we all know, Vince Carter doesn't have the stoutest of hearts. Seeing as how Mr. "I will freaking quit on you if things don't go my way" Carter is in the second year of that $61 million contract he signed last summer - all guaranteed money, by the way - I don't see him killing himself in the name of the team, do you? As noted, Frank is instituting an offense that can be described in short as "Give our point guard the ball then let him dribble the hell out of it until he finds an open teammate or forces up an outside shot." I'd feel better about that if the PG was Steve Nash. Devin Harris? Not so much. Even worse, there's reason to suspect that Harris has caught the Vince Carter Syndrome: In 39 games with the Mavs last season, Harris attempted 48 percent of his field goals from "inside" (six feet or closer). But in 25 games with the Nets, that number sunk to 34 percent. As did his field goal percentage: From 48.3 percent for Dallas to 43.8 percent for New Jersey. Yikes. Also, this is a team that was 25th in the league in scoring last season(95.8 PPG), and frankly, beyond Carter and Harris I have no idea where the points are going to come from this season. Especially if opposing teams choose to clog the lanes (which they will) and dare the Nets to try and beat them by hoisting bad jumper after bad jumper (which they totally will).

Fun Facts: The Nets won only four games in their division (the Atlantic) last season. Minnesota, Sacramento, Miami and Memphis were the only teams that won fewer games in their own division. The franchise was founded in 1967 as part of the ABA. The team was originally known as the New York Americans. However, owner Arthur Brown couldn't find anyone to host their games because nobody wanted to piss off the Knicks. So the team was forced to play in New Jersey and therefore changed their name to the New Jersey Americans. So, you know, the Nets have always been about EXCITING BASKETBALL ACTION (EBA). The Nets have had two players named Rookie of the Year: Buck Williams (1982) and Derrick Coleman (1991). It is said that during the later days of Tribulation, the Dark Lord will punish the unfaithful by making them watch Nets games over and over.

Videotastic extra: Sure, we've all seen it, but can we really get enough of watching Devin Harris schooled by a white British dude in a sweater?