Sienna West is an adult actress, and like all sex workers these days, she updates the world on her, um interactions. (A Tweet the previous day ended with "G/g gang bang.") So when she had an appointment to meet Stojakovic for...something, she just had to film herself on the way.

(Note: I am definitely not the "Barry" she is speaking to in the video. The one who tells her he hopes Peja tips her.)

I have no idea if she actually met him. I have no idea what they did together, if they did indeed meet. I do know, however, what she wrote afterwards:

Sienna West [Twitter]
Professional Jump Off Makes Video Of Her Going To Meet Up With Married NBA Star...Then Puts It Up Online(Slightly NSFW) [Media Take Out]
Peja Stojakovic Gets Caught Hiring Escort Service Porn Star [Terez Owens]

Their second loss in a row last night drops Boston percentage points behind Cleveland for the number one spot in the East with only eight months to play in the regular season. So it's basically over. They should definitely consider trading all their marketable players to clear up cap space for Stephon Marbury and LeBron James. Now, that would be a dynamic duo. [NBA.com]

The equally terrible Los Angeles Lakers lost at home to the resurgent New Orleans Hornets, who may or many not be leading the Southwest Division. David West scored 40, which was one louder than Kobe Bryant, as L.A. snapped a 15-game home winning streak. Bryant went 1-for-6 in the fourth, after going 13-for-16 in the first three quarters. Then I'm guessing he went home and sent text messages to swimmers. [Yahoo]

Meanwhile, the only team that seems willing to bring any sanity to the NBA is the New York Knicks. They somehow tricked the once-mighty Celtics into losing on Sunday, which of course baffled everyone, but they managed to restore some order to things with a convincing loss to Oklahoma City (.143 winning percentage). I mean, it's been a wacky week in basketball, but let's not lose our heads. [Newsday]

In the end I think this picture, sent to us by a tipster, perfectly sums up everything you need to know about what it means to be a fan of the Knickerbockers organization. "But I really did meet Walt Frazier, you guys! Honest!"

Paul's Hornets were playing at Indiana last night and the superstar guard was having a rather listless evening. About half way through the fourth quarter, his team was trailing and Paul was just 2-for-8 from the floor in the game. After sitting out for a bit, he went to check back into the game, when a lone Pacers fan unwisely decided that he should get involved in the proceedings.

I was out in Indy sitting first row behind the scorer’s table, chatting it up with players left and right (they were, however, ignoring me). The P’s had a solid lead and CP wasn’t showing up much directly on offense, missing several jumpers. He came to check in at around [six minutes left], and I was in complete Pacers mode. Without thinking, I murmured, “CP ain’t shit.” He quickly turned around and said, “What?” High off the fact that he even acknowledged me, I said, “Yeah, you’re lucky T.J.’s (Ford) not playing.” He replied, “Yeah, I prayed for that last night,” and rolled his eyes and laughed. I was in complete disarray, and said to the man that I had so passionately spoken in MVP support for last year: “You shouldn’t have been mentioned for MVP last year, Kobe is way better than you.” He laughed and walked off. My friend gave me the “what have you done” look.

What had he done indeed? Paul made five of his next seven shots, scoring 11 points over the last 3:36 of the game. ("He wasn't looking to score, but then he got going," said Danny Granger.) Then, with two seconds left, he dished off his 12th assist on a David West jumper. Hornets win by two. But it wasn't over there....

CP went over, took a photo with someone, then walked in my direction. I stood up. He stopped directly in front of the scorers table and, pointing a solid finger, and said in LeBron fashion, “It’s your fault. It’s your fault.” My legs began to shake as my star crush walked away.

Awesome. Isn't Chris Paul the dreamiest?

An Angry Chris Paul [The Basketball Jones]
How many more times is this going to happen? [Indy Star]
Chris Paul Postgame [NBA.com]

When last we saw them: Finished 56-26, first in the Southwest Division, second in Western Conference. They lost in the Western Conference Semifinals to the desperados from San Antonio.

Welcome to the Big Easy: Devin Brown, James Posey

Na-na-nah-na, na-na-nah-na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye: Bonzi Wells, Chris Anderson (CAW!), Jannero Pargo

The Good: CHRIS PAUL. This kid is like a stick of dynamite covered in napalm and tossed into the Large Hadron Collider. This is how good Paul was last season: He was named All-NBA First Team, finished second (to Kobe Bryant) in the MVP voting, led the NBA in assists (11.6) and steals (2.7) and became the first guy in 15 years to average at least 20 points (21.1) and 10 assists. Plus, he got a major experience upgrade in last season's playoffs thanks to matchups against Jason Kidd (whom he destroyed) and Tony Parker (whom he gave a serious noogie). Oh, and then he went out and won a gold medal with Team USA. David West is a monster scoring the basketball (20.6 PPG last season) and on the boards (8.9 RPG). And, uh, he's a pretty fierce competitor. Tyson Chandler cleans the glass - he was third in the league in rebounds at 11.7 per game - and has an ESP-like alley-oop connection with Paul. Peja Stojakovic can still snipe from long distance (.441 from beyond the arc last year). And, of course, they lured James Posey away from the Boston Celtics this summer. Posey, as everyone knows, is a proven "final piece" to the championship puzzle. He can D-up perimeter players and drain clutch threes without fear. This team made a big jump last season, and they seem prepared to make The Leap.

The Bad: Depth. As in, they don't have any. Posey will be a terrific sixth man, sure, but peek behind West and Chandler in the front court and you'll see...Julian Wright, Ryan Bowen, Melvin Ely and Hilton Armstrong. Ouch. I mean, yeah, they are (technically speaking) NBA players. But just barely. (Okay, Wright has some nice potential, but he's only a second-year guy who won't be getting a lot of minutes.) The Hornets aren't exactly stocked in the backcourt either: Mike James, Morris Peterson, Rasual Butler, Devin Brown. I mean, the fact that Jannero Pargo's defection to Russia decimated their backcourt depth is a pretty bad sign. (By the way, Jannero, remember that in Russia, basketball plays you.) This not only means that the starters will likely be overworked - their "Big Four" averaged between 35 and 37 MPG last season - but also that a serious injury would prove to be a major setback: West's scoring, Chandler's rebounding, Peja's shooting and Paul's everything are all irreplaceable. Paul might be tired from his busy summer (although, fortunately, the dude's only 23 years old). Also, this team doesn't draw many fouls: They ranked 28th in the league last season at 20.8 per game.

Fun Facts: The franchise, as most of you know, was founded in Charlotte. However, what you might not know is that the team was to be named the Spirit. However, the organization held a name-the-team contest and "Hornets" was chosen. Why? Because of Charlotte's fierce resistance to British occupation during the Revolutionary War, which prompted Lord General Cornwallis to refer to it as "a veritable nest of hornets." This, of course, is less than meaningless now that the team is based in New Orleans, but whatever. Like the Miami Heat, the Hornets retired a number of a player who never even played for them: The Hornets retired Pete Maravich's number 7 during their first game in New Orleans in honor of the Pistol's basketball contributions to the area at LSU and with the city's former NBA team, the New Orleans Jazz. Only one former Hornet is in the Hall of Fame: Robert Parish, who played for the team from 1994-1996 when it was based on Charlotte.

Videotastic extra: Here's a fun insider's view of the Hornets' training camp. Note that, during shooting contests, Chris Paul isn't above starting over if he misses a couple shots.

Sherman, set the WABAC machine to 2004. Forget the plutonium, the Flux Capacitor and the DeLorean. Turns out you don't need 1.21 GIGAWATTS!!! to achieve temporal displacement. Doc Popovich has discovered the real secrets behind time travel, and the San Antonio Spurs were his TARDIS in last night's 91-82 victory over the New Orleans Hornets.

Said Popovich: "I was standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and when I came to I had a revelation! A vision! A picture in my head! A picture of this! This is what makes time travel possible in the NBA: Slowing the pace to a crawl, playing a suffocating and physical defense, working the ball inside to a dominant big mand and then hitting from outside when he's double-teamed, avoiding mistakes while capitalizing on the mistakes of our opponents. And it works! HA HA HA HA HA! It works! I finally invented something that works!"

The Spurs didn't shoot well — 39 percent -0 but they won the rebounding battle, hit 12 threes and, as usual, imposed their will on a younger, less experienced team. Manu Ginobili led San Antonio with 26 points, 5 rebounds and 5 assists, and he hit four free throws in the final 60 ticks to open the wormhole that would send the Spurs back to the Western Conference Finals. Tony Parker added 17 points, Timmy Duncan finished with 16 points and 14 rebounds, and the roleplayers — specifically Ime Udoka, Michael Finley and Cheap Shot Rob — knocked in clutch threes.

Meanwhile, the Hornets weren't thinking fourth dimensionally, so they have to make like a tree ... and get outta the playoffs. Chris Paul (18 points, 14 assists, 5 steals), David West (20 points, 9 rebounds), and Tyson Chandler (13 points, 15 rebounds) got their numbers, and Jannero Pargo came off the bench to explode for 16 fourth-quarter points — on about a jillion shots — to help New Orleans cut a 17-point lead to three.

But the young-uns finally acted their age and got rattled by the implacable (meaning "not able to be plac'ed") efficiency of the defending champs. Peja Stojakovic, reverting to his 2002 Sacramento Kings form, hit nothing but air on an open three. West boned an open 12-footer. And several Hornets — or was it only Pargo shooting? — missed open threes in the final minutes as the Spurs slowly walked away with the game.

Said Cheap Shot Rob: "People always talk about you being old because you don't dunk anymore or slash as fast as you used to slash, but we're one of the smartest teams in the league and we have a very good coaching staff. We didn't make stupid mistakes tonight."

The Spurs will face the Lakers — again — for the right to move on to the NBA Finals. Game 1 is Wednesday in L.A.

San Antonio versus New Orleans: Game 7

David West. And here's the big question: What's the status of West's back? In case you joined this party late and have been, I don't know, living under a rock, Cheap Shot Rob put the business to West's already injured back in Game 6. The Hornets need him — and desperately — if they're going to win Game 7. And word on the street is that West's meaty flank is "right at 100 percent" with "most of the soreness out of there." Said West: "My biggest thing is just to go out and not think about it. I'm just going to go out there and play, try to help this team advance."

Agony of the feet. Tyson Chandler's bruised foot? It's all good. So good, in fact, that he's been running after someone even tougher to guard than Timmy D: His daughter. "She may be a little tougher to chase around than Tim Duncan. She's been a handful out there — no disrespect to Tim Duncan. He knows he's my guy." Tim's feelings would be hurt...if he were humanssZZZZZAAAACKT!!

History is with them, Part I. Through six games, the home team has won each game by an average margin of 18.2 points. But Chris Paul is all, like, whatever. "You could put this game in the middle of the desert somewhere. The previous six games really don't matter too much."

History is against them, Part I. No Hornets team has advanced to a conference finals - East or West - in the history of the franchise. That's a 20-year drought. Although doesn't a drought mean there was once a non-drought? Whatever. The point is, the Good Ship New Orleans has set a course for uncharted waters.

History is with them, Part II. The Spurs have done everything the Hornets haven't: Four NBA Finals appearances, four titles, MVPs, Finals MVPs, etc., etc., etc. There's no situation they haven't faced during this mini-dynastic run. They're not going to get rattled.

History is against them, Part II. Yeah, they have four titles in nine seasons, but — SHOCK ALERT!! — they've never won two back-to-back. They've also never come back from a 2-0 playoff series deficit, which they had early on in this series.

Home sweet home, Part XVI. Road teams have only won two games so far in the second round. And the Hornets haven't lost a home game in the playoffs this year at all. Said West: "The reason we fought out games throughout the regular season was to be able to have a Game 7 on your home floor. We've been able to do that, so we've got to take advantage of the opportunity we have."

Stock up on eyedrops. According to Manu Ginobili: "You've just got to be very focused, knowing that you can't blink, that you can't let the other team get on a run, get confident on a run. It's going to be a really tense game with a lot of adrenaline. Fans are going to be going nuts. So it's going to be a very fun game to play." If there's any team that can maintain its focus in a situation like this, it's the Spurs.

My prediction: The Hornets by 15+. No. Wait. I don't want to stat curse my boys. The Spurs by 15+.

To make sure you're appropriately prepared for tonight's Hornets-Spurs Game 7 in New Orleans, The Grand National Championships has a hecker's guide so that you might effectively yell at your television tonight. A tidbit:

This is your NBA dynasty. A bunch of addicts, cheap shot artists, floppers, punks, and wannabes. They’ve brought the game back into the dark ages. I’m not writing this as a fan of the NOOCH. I’m writing this because this team has got to be stopped. I don’t care if it gives Kobe another ring. I don’t even care if it allows Boston fans to act like D-Bags.



The Spurs are all that is wrong with the on-court game of basketball. We can fade a lesser evil.

If you want to know what life is like for a soccer fan, watch the Spurs, and let your blood boil. Of course, this means they will win, and Chris Paul will spend the end of the game crawling across the floor after attacking Robert Horry's elbow with his throat.

The Guide To Hating Your Spurs [The Grand National Championships]

This is not news to anyone who has been watching him all year ... but the vast majority of people haven't been watching him all year, including us. Screw this "LeBron/Kobe is the next MJ" business; Chris Paul is the next Chris Paul, and it's pretty amazing.

We enjoyed Eric Neel's valentine on Page 2 yesterday.

Part of it is he's so ordinary looking, so (forgive me, Chris) small. You look at Kevin Garnett and you know you're looking at some extraordinary specimen even before you watch him play. Ditto LeBron and Kobe, whose ripped, long frames seem almost predictably tied to excellence. Paul is fit but not sculpted. He's the shortest guy on the floor most of the time. He's got this unassuming, slightly pigeon-toed walk and this young, seemingly guileless grin. And even though you know he's capable of stealing Jason Kidd's immortal soul, you're still dumbfounded when he completely dominates a Western Conference semifinal game.

Neel touches on a point at the end that makes us sad; it's almost too much, too gorgeous, too fast. Please don't let Chris Paul be dating Star Jones in three years.

Somehow, the Hornets/Mavericks series told us everything about Dallas, and nothing of NOLA's team. It hammered home the Mavs' reputation for fecklessness, prompted a clubhouse implosion and pushed Avery Johnson out the door.

Josh Howard's strange, strange week hung from the clouds like an omen, obscuring the series itself and drawing attention to the Mavs' more general malaise. That the team's most promising young player should so suddenly crumble on the court, embroil himself in a major controversy, and then set off Avery's climactic fit of fire and brimstone was, to say the least, a bummer. New Orleans won the series, Dallas burnt like Rome.

Herein lies one of basketball's most frustrating conventions: It's arbitrary, or maybe just utterly subjective, where one team's folly ends and the other's excellence begins.

Coming into round one, the Hornets' youth and inexperience were widely decried, ruled fit for the plucking by a team like the Mavs. But after this summary thrashing, no one has rushed to deem NOLA fit for duty, or once and for all revoked those old criteria for post-season advancement (Atlanta being such an insane case that they prove absolutely nothing). The convincing 4-1 victory by the Hornets didn't make them legit, it just made Dallas suckier.

Thanks heavens we've arrived at the series of no excuses.

There are many reasons to hate the Spurs, and anyone devoted to this negative cause has seen fit to adjust his over time. Lately, I've come to see their reliance on big shots and random veterans delivering as basketball's answer to faith healing. But the fact remains that no team offers as definitive a foil as San Antonio. In part, it's because they're capable of playing any and every style, either mirroring the opponent or walloping them with their opposite.

It's this blank, implacable dominance that makes them the team every contender should want to go through. Beat San Antonio, and no questions remain. Put aside for a spell all the "heart of champion" mumbo-jumbo, or the apt — if empty — assertion that "they just find a way to win every time." On the level of pure basketball, there's nothing the Spurs cant counter or match; they have little or no discernible weaknesses, at least not any that come back to haunt them ("absence of awesome" only counts inside my head; youth, just a number).

What they do offer, then, is the ultimate test of credibility, a surefire way to once and for all establish one's worth. While Dallas frittered away the 2006 Finals, they did get past San Antonio on their way. Thus, any rightful trashing of the Avery years must begin with 2006-07; if anything, that series against the Spurs remains his greatest accomplishment.

So as someone who has already branded Chris Paul messiah, MVP, Mr. New Abe Lincoln, and everything in between, I welcome this nightmare matchup. Let Tim Duncan and his stolid bunch rip Paul, West, and Chandler to shreds, thus reinforcing all old thinking and sending the Hornets scurrying for off-season answers. That's what they did to the Suns, and what brought about that team's ruin. The Spurs have the power to hand down judgment like no other squad around.

Then again, supposed the Hornets hang tough, or, god forbid, win. Suppose, as a friend of mine dared to dream earlier tonight, that Paul puts together a 40-20 game. Then the Hornets will be vindicated, conventional thinking will take a beating, and most importantly, there will be no doubting that this team is for real — even if they subsequently fall to the Lakers or Celtics.

It just won't work to dismiss or qualify San Antonio's performance the way we're accustomed to doing when it suits our assumptions; they've been too good, and too resourceful, for too long. That is why, for once in my life, I come here to praise the Spurs. They are like the Bulls of old, but just mortal enough to offer hope. They are the NBA's great litmus test, of no value in and of themselves but absolutely indispensable to the landscape of the league.

I feel like we've seen this before, Part I. Well, Dirk Nowitzki and his Mavericks got the playoff matchup they wanted...and five games later, they're once again on the outside looking in. Surprise, surprise.

Chris Paul had a triple-double (24 points, 11 rebounds, 15 assists), David West scored at will (25 points, 10-for-17), Jannero Pargo gave a "suck it, Jason Kidd!" performance (17 points, 7-for-9) and the New Orleans Hornets are movin' on up after a 99-94 victory. Man, what I wouldn't have given to be on Bourbon St. last night.

The Mavs didn't go down quietly. Or wisely. Jerry Stackhouse got himself ejected with 1:47 to play for batting the ball out of Paul's hands during a stoppage in play. Then Stack got all up in West's face. Brilliant moves, Jerry, both of them. Still, Dallas cut a 17-point lead to three with 33 seconds to go, and then they forced a big miss by Paul...but failed to grab the ensuing rebound. Tyson Chandler (10 points, 14 rebounds) smacked the rock out to Paul, who passed it to Peja Stojakovic, and Peja sealed the win with a couple freethrows.

Dirk Nowitzki (22 points, 13 rebounds, 6 assists) did his best, but the results - as always - were the same. Still, Nowitzki offered that "We're better than we showed this series." Sure, Dirk. We hear that every year.

I feel like we've seen this before, Part II. Back in his MVP days, Shaq liked to quote Aristotle, who once said, "Excellence is not an act, but a habit." Unfortunately for the Suns, they have a bad habit of losing big games to the Spurs. Over and over and over again...

Speed it up, slow it down, doesn't matter. San Antonio eliminated Phoenix once again. And the 92-87 loss stung Amare Stoudemire as much as anybody else. "Every year it seems like we always play the Spurs, and they beat us every single time. As long as I'm here we're going to break it sooner or later, because I'm tired of losing to these guys. I'm sick and fed up."

And least Stoudemire is young enough to wait it out. Steve Nash - who lost the ball three big times down the stretch - might be out of time. And he knows what just happened to his team. "I think on paper we have more talent than they do. But I think their experience, their commitment and understanding of what they're trying to do is greater than ours. Their ability to play together and make small plays on both ends of the floor is unsurpassed."

As usual, the Spurs used two guys to do most of the damage. Tony Parker had 31 points and 8 assists, and Tim Duncan added 29 points and 17 rebounds. No other San Antonio player reached double figures, but, as Nash pointed out, they did all the little things champions do. And the Suns didn't.

Smackdown in Motown. Random statistical phenomenon: The Philadelphia 76ers are now 0-1 since Samuel Dalembert got his crazy-ass new mohawk. And given the importance of the game in question, this was the worst possible time for Sam to go on a spectacular hair adventure.

The Pistons, who have apparently turned their targeting computers back on, hit 58 percent of their shots and regained the series lead with a signature 98-81 win. Chauncey Billups finally had a big game (21 points, 12 assists), Rip was his old basket-making self (20 points, 10-for-17), 'Sheed did his 'Sheed thang (19 points, 6 blocked shots), and Tayshaun Prince chipped in with 17 points.

You know how to tell that Detoit has become totally serious about finishing Philly off? The near-to-complete absence of overconfident trash talk. When asked about his team's chances in Game 6, 'Sheed said: "I don't think they're going to lay down at all. It's do or die for them. It's not going to be a cake walk." Hey...who is that guy and what has he done with Rasheed Wallace?!

Andre Iguodala - who scored a career playoff-high 21 points on 8-for-13 shooting - finally figured out how to score against the Pistons. Unfortunately for the Sixers, most of his other players forgot. Louis Williams (16 points) and Andre Miller (13 points, 5-for-17) reached double figures, but that's about it. And that amazing first round upset suddenly seems very far away...

Problem solved. The Houston Rockets finally figured out the best (and perhaps only) way to keep Tracy McGrady from suffering his patented fourth-quarter meltdown: Just end the fourth quarter with a commanding 19-point lead. Not to go all John Hollinger on you, but the Rockets win almost 100 percent of the games in which that happens. Behold the power of math!

Thanks to a 95-69 shot to Utah's meaty flanks, the Rockets have lived to fail another day. McGrady finished with 29 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists, and he even managed to scored 8 points in the fourth quarter...thanks in part to the fact that the game had already been decided. Now the King of Martyrs is filled with a ridiculous confidence. "We're in a great situation. We know we can win in Utah because we've done it before."

You know, back in college I convinced a friend to hit me with his car after a night of drinking our way through a Jackie Chan marathon. Sure, I survived, but thanks to the wonders of sobriety, I realize that just because I lived through my stupidity once doesn't mean I could necessarily do it every time. My point? Apparently, I'm an idiot.

Houston got some additional anti-elimination support from Luis Scola (18 points, 12 rebounds), Rafer Alston (14 points, 6 assists) and Creaky Mutombo (10 rebounds). Utah got double-doubles out of Carlos Boozer (19 points, 10 rebounds) and Mehmet Okur (14 points, 10 rebounds), but the Jazz shot 36 percent as a team and seemed to have developed a case of Let'swinitathomeitis.

The first sign of trouble was when Dallas followed a 30-point first quarter with a 14-point second quarter. Then David West scored 10 of his 24 points during a third quarter run that pushed the Hornets' 4-point halftime lead to 13. The Mavs would be unable to cut into that deficit, leading Jason Kidd to get kicked out for almost killing Jannero Pargo and a fan to get ejected by Mark Cuban for verbally harassing Chris Paul. It was an ugly night in Dallas all around, and it turned into an ugly 97-84 defeat for the home team.

Paul had 16 points, 7 rebounds, and 8 assists and Peja Stojakovic added 19 points and 5 boards for the Hornets, who shot 50 percent from the field and committed only 9 turnovers. The Mavericks, on the other hand, were shooting cross-eyed all night (36 percent). Dirk Nowitzki led the cowboys with 22 points and 13 rebounds, and Jason Terry scored 20. J-Kidd (3 points, 1-for-6, 3 assists) didn't do much before he got the boot, and Josh Howard hit only 3-for-16 (but it was a relaxed 3-for-16).

And while a 3-1 series deficit isn't insurmountable, does anybody have confidence that this particular Dallas Mavericks team can overcome it?

LeBron 3, DeShawn 1. That's the official score after four games, despite all the trash talk, hard fouls, and what King James called "some extracurricular activities going on outside and inside in this series." And with about three and a half minutes left in the first half, Stevenson tried to get in a little more extra credit upside LeBron's head while the King was motoring toward the hoop. The two men took a few menacing steps toward each other before teammates got between them ... much to the sweaty-palmed relief of David Stern. Still, according to LeBron, the Locksmith was lucky the incident didn't happen during a pickup game. "If we was on the park, something definitely would have escalated. But, you know, I guess that's what they want to do. They want to hurt Lebron James this series. It ain't working."

Superstars speaking in third person aside, LeBron ain't wrong. After Stevenson's flagrant foul, James hit one of two free throws and then knocked down a three-pointer from somewhere just outside the arena to help his team go on a streak of 13 unanswered points. Gilbert Arenas said it best when he explained "That (foul) got him mad."

James finished with 34 points and 12 rebounds, but his biggest play of the night came when he drew pretty much every Washington defender into the paint and this dished the ball to Delonte West, who hit the go-ahead three-pointer with 5.4 seconds left. The play was eerily reminiscent of when the Cleveland eliminated the Wizards in Game 6 of their first round series. In case you've forgotten, James hit Damon Jones for the winning bucket in the final seconds of overtime. Said James: "Washington definitely probably had a flashback." Definitely. Probably.

Gilbert Arenas — who had tied the game with a couple free throws and a crazy, off-balance banker from eight feet out — missed an isolation three-pointer as time expired. And that was that: Cleveland 100, Washington 97.

In addition to the game-winning three, Delonte West had a career playoff high 21 points. The Cavaliers also got four three-pointers out of Boobie Gibson and 12 rebounds from Ben Wallace. Antawn Jamison led the Wiz with 23 points and 11 rebounds, Caron Butler scored 19, and Brendan Haywood added 16.

Pride game! And to think: Some people thought the Spurs were going to sweep. No way. The Suns were playing for a little pride, and they came out with the kind of reckless abandon and defensive intensity that would win them a championship if they could do it every night. But at least they did it for one game and thus saved themselves the shame and embarrassment of getting eliminated at home.

And believe it or not, the Suns' superstars weren't the authors of yesterday's 105-85 butt-kicking. That honor went to the tandem of Raja Bell (27 points, 5-for-7 from three point range) and Boris Diaw (20 points, 10 rebounds, 8 assists). And their out-of-nowhere revival was exactly what Phoenix needed ... even if it came about three games too late.

And let's face it, this loss isn't going to faze anybody on the Spurs. As Tim Duncan put it: "We didn't expect to sweep these guys. We're excited to be in the situation we're in, up 3-1. We've got to win one more game, and we get to go home and try to win it there. Those are a lot of things that are in our favor." Well, actually it's only two things. But in all fairness, it's a big two.

The Big Cactus added 14 points and 12 rebounds, and he also defied Gregg Popovich's Hack-a-Shaquery by hitting 6-for-10 from the line. Tim Duncan had 14 points and 10 boards for San Antonio, and Tony Parker scored 18 but shot only 7-for-17 against Diaw's long-armed and aggressive defense. All in all, it was a great win for the Suns. But still, I have a sneaking suspicion that the 20/20 Rule could be in effect on Tuesday.

Order is restored. For now. The Detroit Pistons pulled off one of their patented "big wins just when everybody thinks they're down and out," using a 34-16 third quarter blitzkrieg to beat Philly 93-84 and tie their first round series at 2-2.

Said Chauncy Billups: "Everybody knows that we are good under pressure. I hate that we put ourselves in this position a lot of times. I believe in the guys who are in our locker room." Those guys certainly made believers out of the 76ers, particularly Tayshaun Prince (23 points, 11-for-12) and Rasheed Wallace (20 points, 10 rebounds, 3 three-pointers in the third quarter).

In addition to 'Sheed raining down threes, the Pistons forced seven turnovers during their third-quarter turnaround. As Sixers coach Maurice Cheeks put it: "The game turned just like that. We gave them life in the third quarter."

Philadelphia's biggest problem, besides the whole losing the game thing, is the continued MIA status of leading scorer Andre Iguodala. The Detroit defense has totally taken him out of his game all series. Last night, he scored only 12 points on 4-for-16 shooting and committed 5 turnovers. It's hard to imagine Philly winning another game in this series if that continues.

If you listen real close, you can hear Lawrence Frank scratching in the background.

New Orleans Hornets: We For Real [You Been Blinded]

After Dallas wrapped up their season and secured the seventh seed by beating the Hornets, Dirk Nowitzki went and opened his big German mouth. "This was definitely a win we wanted to get. The Lakers are probably the hottest team in the West. We definitely didn't want to face them in the first round. ... (New Orleans) had a great year, but I think we match up pretty well."

You know, it's one thing for a team to have a preferred first round matchup — everybody has one — but it's another thing altogether to tell it to the media. Do you really want to give your opponents additional ammunition? (No.) Do you want your enemy to be able to motivate themselves with the "lack of respect" card? (No.) And do you really want to tempt the fates that have been so cruel to you over the last few years? (No.) Seriously, Dirk ... WTF?

The season series: The series was tied at 2-2, with the home team winning every game.

Good news for the Mavs: Dallas went 6-3 down the stretch, and that streak included wins over the Warriors (who were fighting to make the playoffs), Suns (who trying to get homecourt advantage), Jazz (ditto) and Hornets (who had nothing to play for but were seemingly trying to win the game). Even better, Dirk Nowitzki won the Phoenix and Utah games with big shots down the stretch. Could it be ... is it possible ... that Dirk has finally overcome his case of clutchshotitis?!

Bad news for the Mavs: The Hornets are 30-11 at home and won both games against Dallas at New Orleans Arena. On the flipside, the Mavericks — while great at home (34-7) — have the same road record as the "they're tragically bad on the road" Utah Jazz (17-24). And did I mention they don't have homecourt advantage? As Hubie Brown would say: "You've got to win on the road in the playoffs if you want to advance."

Reality check: Do you trust the Mavericks? They're like a girlfriend/boyfriend who keeps cheating on you: It's going to take a lot for them to earn your trust back, you know? At the end of the day, I just don't think they have it in them to win in the playoffs ... even with Jason Kidd.

Hornets player(s) to watch: Chris Paul. He is the New Orleans offense. David West. He must score points so Paul doesn't feel pressured to do everything (and perhaps too much). Jannero Pargo. He must be the spark plug off the bench. Bonzi Wells. He's their only lowpost option, and an inside game is critical in the playoffs.

Mavericks player(s) to keep an eye on: Jason Kidd. He has to contain Paul, and he has to hit a shot or two from the outside. Dirk Nowitzki. He has to lead — really lead — and I'm not sure he's ever actually done that before. Josh Howard. He just needs to do what he does. Erick Dampier and Brandon Bass. They need to control the boards and keep Chris Paul out of the paint. Preventing Tyson Chandler from getting all those uncontested alley-oops would be nice, too.

Key(s) to the series: The Hornets need some solid contributions from their bench. Dallas needs to play like gangbusters on the road. Mark Cuban needs to keep his mouth shut and trust his coach and players to win without his constant yelling and lobbying to the officials.

Prediction: Hornets in seven.

Get ready for one of those vaunted point guard battles, which is kind of like saying "prepare to see who grows lawns better," or "great moments in quarterback duels." It's true, Chris Paul and Jason Kidd will guard each other; given Paul's problems with the chunky Deron Williams, Kidd might be able to keep him from penetrating non-stop. But what's important here is that, on the whole, the struggle is largely parallel. Being a point guard involves a lot more than facing down the man in front of you.

In fact, this whole series is about two teams passing in the night. Neither one will be vindicated or shamed by the outcome, because it's the merest blip compared to the baggage they carry. The Mavs, in case you've forgotten, were unceremoniously ousted in last year's first round by those Satanic Warriors. They became a running joke, Dirk had everything down to his zip code questioned, and they started the year determined to move on. Then they swung a big trade for the aging Kidd, had to live without a full-speed Josh Howard, lost Nowitzki for a minute and then rallied to sneak into the postseason.

Cheap irony of the century: If the Warriors' win was fueled by BELIEVE, the Mavs are fighting an uphill battle against doubt. You've got to figure that a dominant regular season would've been even worse for them in this respect, since it would've set them up the punchline. But this team is fighting to prove itself, not in a "we are the underdog" way, but to battle past practical and psychological obstacles as they try to restore their shattered credibility. The Kidd trade just diverted the issue — it felt like an admission of failure, which is an important part of the healing process. And yet this current configuration hasn't exactly been all barrel-chested, and no amount of qualifiers can excuse the fact that, still, people don't believe in the Mavs.

The Hornets, on the other hand, have spent all season trying to convince the league that they're for real. Well first, they had to get people to acknowledge their existence. But after accomplishing that, the basketball public just kept waiting. What's more, while Paul's got that chip on his shoulder from the 2005 Draft, and M.I.A.'ers like Mo Peterson and Rasual Butler could easily embrace the "us against everyone mentality," this team lacks edge. They just kept winning, never acknowledging how unlikely their ascent had been, carrying themselves like NOLA Hornet, Toast of the West was a perfectly natural occurrence. And thus, people still expect things to snap back to their appropriate order, as they seemed to slightly when the Lakers passed them in the standings.

Chris Paul has claimed a position as his own in a way reminiscent of Nash, Shaq or Duncan. Kidd is an old master with nothing to prove but always ready to remind the world how much he matters. It's weird, Kidd goes back and forth between neglected and receiving an O'Neal-like slurp-job from the media. This is your point guard battle, guns drawn at high noon, but it really doesn't encapsulate what's going on in this series.

Paul will sparkle. Kidd will have three triple-doubles. Yet neither of these two men can provide an answer to their searching teams. This is about David West getting someone to recognize him on the street. Peja making it known that his three-point shooting is more potent than ever. Dirk and Josh Howard playing like a one-two punch that deserves a title shot. The Mavs asserting their commitment to defense, the Hornets lifting the veil that has thus far clouded their objectively lovely track record. Hell, this isn't even about these two teams playing each other; it's not a match-up, per se, it's two mirror images in desperate need of very much the same affirmation. Winning will start the process, but in a way, it doesn't matter who advances.

Next round, these questions will be only slightly less settled for whichever of these teams passes through the gauntlet. And that's a shame, since this will be one hell of a series. Reports of Dallas's demise have been greatly exaggerated, and the void around NOLA is almost as weird as the team's unexpected ascent. Maybe, at some point, we'll realized that these two teams are essentially playing themselves — in more ways than one. Both are wrestling with issues of identity that may linger until they're eliminated, and yeah, these two teams do have their similarities.

Let's just hope they don't look each other in the eye, or else they might all catch on fire and bring about the end of the world.

Little Monta Ellis led Golden State 35 points and 10 [!!] rebounds, but the Warriors fell a half-game behind the Nuggets with only five games left to play. Uh oh. About the only thing that could help their cause was if Denver lost to the SuperSonics. And what are the chances of that happening, you know?

(Okay, seriously, how is Chris Paul not the MVP? Everybody talks about the Lakers' injuries, but they traded for Pau Gasol right after Andrew Bynum got hurt, effectively replacing him with a better scorer and passer. And sure, Gasol went down for 10 games or whatever, but L.A. has one of the best benches in the league ... whereas New Orleans has the second-to-worst, in terms of point production. And let's not forget that the Lakers are guided by a Hall of Fame coach and the Hornets are, well, not. I'm just sayin'.)

I don't know what surprised me more. The fact that Dirk Nowitzki turned all clutchtastic on us - scoring 12 of his game-high 32 points in the fourth quarter, including the deal-sealing jumper (while falling down) with 32.2 seconds left - or the fact that the Suns scored only 9 points in the fourth quarter. Seriously, I can't choose which of those two things are more shocking. It's like hearing the moon jumped over the cow or that C-A-T actually spells "dog." Anyway, the Suns' fourth quarter collapse allowed the Mavericks to win 105-98 and establish a two-game lead on Denver for the seventh seed in the West. Dallas is now 2-11 against winning teams since the Jason Kidd trade, so I guess everything is totally cool now.

Game to forget: Steve Nash shot 4-for-17, 1-for-9 in the second half, and 0-for-6 in the fourth quarter. Nash, why hast thou forsaken us?

Stayin' alive, stayin' alive, ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' aliiiiiiive! Dick Diener's nephew scored 15 of his 18 points in the fourth quarter to help the Pacers notch a 105-97 victory over the "waitin' for vacation" Bucks, thus staving off their inevitable mathematical elimination from the Eastern Conference playoffs for another day. Way to stay strong, boys. Indiana got 27 points out of Danny Granger, and Jeff Foster scored a season-high 16 points (all on putbacks) to go along with his 15 rebounds. Michael Redd put up some points (27) for Milwaukee...when he wasn't using his iPhone to search for discount flight plans on Priceline.com, that is. Fun fact: The Pacers have won eight out of their last 11 games. Who saw that one coming?

Don't look for this one on ESPN Classic anytime soon. Or ever. The Spurs beat the Trail Blazers 72-65 - no, that isn't a third-quarter score - in a game that saw both teams shoot in the 30s and set the sport of basketball back almost 10 years, when the Knicks-Heat rivalry transformed "winning" into something truly horrific to watch. Kind of like Leonard Part 6, only with less Bill Cosby. Timmy Duncan waved his magic wand, making 27 points and 11 rebounds appear out of thin air (I think he did it with mirrors), and Manu Ginobili (10 points) and Kurt Thomas (13 boards) did some stuff too. Brandon Roy made his return for the Blazers and scored 18 points, but unfortunately he couldn't prevent Portland from losing its fifth straight and falling one game under .500. Bad news Blazers: Martell Webster missed the game due to an irregular heartbeat and Joel Przybilla broke a bone in his hand in the second quarter and will miss the final five games of the season. Bummer.

You know, this used to be a rivalry. The Pistons continued to get their starters some much-needed nappy time with a 91-75 win over the Miami Heat Washington Generals. The shining star of Detroit's victory was the suddenly dominant Rodney Stuckey, who scored 19 points on 7-for-11 shooting. Generals coach Pat Riley summed up his team's performance with the following brilliant observation: "We just couldn't make anything." It's been that kind of season, coach.

Wow. That's not good. The Orlando Magic pretty much have the third seed in the Eastern Conference all wrapped up, but they still aren't resting their starters. I guess Stan Van Gundy wants to iron out the team chemistry before the playoffs? If that's the case, it didn't happen last night, when the Magic lost 100-90 to the ... Wilson Chandler-led New York Knicks?! Yup, it's true. The rookie scored a game and career-high 23 points, which — along with Zach Randolph's 20 and 11 — helped the Knicks snap a five-game skid. See? The Donnie Walsh Era is already improving the team! 2009 NBA Finals, here they come! Orlando got 22 points out of Hedo Turkoglu plus 13 points and 15 rebounds from Dwight Howard. It was Howard's 66th double-double of the season, best in the league and just two shy of the franchise record Shaq set back in 1992-93.

Fun fact: Has this season driven Knicks fans completely loony? It sure seems like it. Last night, a fan ran onto the court during the fourth quarter while Turkoglu was shooting freethrows. The wacko came from behind one of the baskets and managed to run the length of the court and into the seats before security nabbed him. Of course, this is the second time this season that some nut jumped out of the Madison Square Garden crowd, with the first time being when that dude ran down onto the floor to molest LeBron James. I guess MSG security guards are about as apathetic as the Knicks.

Uh, remember that half-game lead the Nuggets took several paragraphs ago? Well, forget about it. Their Top 10 Defense (in terms of defensive efficiency) struck again, this time giving up 151 points in double-overtime to the Seattle SuperSonics. Or should I say, the 18-win SuperSonics who usually score only 97 PPG and had already lost to the Nuggets three times this season by an average margin of 37 points? I'm sure you get the point either way. Rookies Kevin Durant and Jeff Green bothed had career-highs in scoring — 37 and 35 points, respectively — in what was a virtual layup line for Seattle. Wow.

At least Golden State lost to the best team in the West on the road. What's Denver's excuse? (Hint: Maybe it was George Karl's bizarre space tie. Seriously, that design looks like an alien superweapon from the Star Trek series.) Said Allen Iverson: "Career nights from two people. You have two 30-point scorers and other guys doing what they did out there, what can you say?" Uh, how 'bout, "We should have played some defense out there"?

Quick roundup: The Lakers and Rockets proved they can still beat up on sub-.500 teams. L.A. crushed Sacramento 114-92 behind Kobe Bryant's 29 points. Meanwhile, the Rockets destroyed the Clippers 105-79 behind a well-rounded team effort that doesn't sound all that interesting when you write about it, no matter how many Dikembe Mutumbo finger wags were involved. Oh, and Memphis beat Minnesota 113-101 in what may have been the most meaningless game of the season so far.

LeBron James (21 points, 3 rebounds, 8 assists) hit one of his trademark driving layups to give the Cavs a 99-98 lead with 7.7 ticks on the clock, but he couldn't contain Paul, who drew three defenders on the final play before hitting West for the game-winner...just like Byron Scott drew it up. "We knew we were going to have a chance to get the ball to Chris Paul and let him create. We knew we were going to get a good look at it. If we got the shot, we didn't want to leave a lot of time on the clock. It was 0.6 when David nailed it. It worked to perfection." No kidding. Although, and I mean no offense to Scott, but designing a play that calls for Paul - who had 20 assists and only 1 turnover in 42 MVP-esque minutes - to "create" is a pretty easy call to make, isn't it?

Bron Bron tossed up a 75-foot prayer at the buzzer that went ignored by God (maybe the Lord had money on the Hornets), and then he threw a King-sized tantrum, punching his fist and complaining to Cleveland assistant coach Mike Malone before heading to the locker room (and this was after he was seen yelling at teammates during the fourth quarter). Is LeBron James about to choke a bitch? If so, can I volunteer Wally Szczerbiak for the honor? Western Conference Playoff race update: The win allowed New Orleans to hold onto the West's top spot. Stay tuned.

Must not make "Suns set in the East" joke. Damn it! The Suns are going to be hard-pressed to rise out of the wreckage of the Western Conference Wars, but if they do, they're probably hoping they won't have to face Detroit or Boston. Phoenix went 0-2 in back-to-back games against the East's top two teams, although last night's 117-97 pounding at the hands of the Celtics was a little more dispiriting than Monday's overtime loss to the Pistons. Kevin Garnett got a nice "M-V-P!" chant for his 30-point night, and Paul Pierce - who scored 27 himself - was fine with that.

"I couldn't have imagined it a year ago. The whole face of the Celtics turned around when the trade happened with [Garnett]. Everyone talks MVP, and they talk about numbers, but this guy has changed the whole culture around here." That's a pretty sound argument, if you ask me. Meanwhile, Shaq's pick for MVP is his old nemisis, The Black Mamba. "The Kobester. He's an assassin. With LeBron coming in right behind." When asked whether Garnett deserved consideration, The Big MVP Voter said: "I'm going to have to go with my guy (Amare Stoudamire) before him. All day, every day." Oooookay.

Gonna fly now! You know that training montage scene in the original Rocky movie where Rocky's beating up big hunks of meat, and chasing after live chickens, and running around the city with a bunch of people inexplicably following him, and Bill Conti is singing "Getting strong nooooow....gonna fly noooooow," and you suddenly realize that Rocky has become some sort of unstoppable fighing machine who could punch holes through granite walls and live on a diet composed of broken glass and rusty nails? Well, that's the feeling I'm starting to get from the Philadelphia 76ers. I know that sounds like a grand overstatement, especially since the team is only 37-35. But they've gone 11-2 so far this month, with wins over the Celtics (in Boston), Nuggets, Spurs, Pistons (in Detroit), and Suns (in Phoenix).

The latest victory was a 121-99 mandangling of the Chicago Bulls. Andre Miller set the pace with 18 assists, Andre Iguodala dropped in 21 points, and Lous Williams came off the bench to score a game-high 23 points. Thaba Sefolosha led Chicago with an ultimately meaningless 20 points.

The Hawks are hearing footsteps. But thanks to a 115-96 victory over the Milwaukee Bucks, Atlanta maintained their slippery hold on the Eastern Conference's eighth playoff spot. I'm not sure if the dirty birds have a slogan for their late-season push, but I'm thinking it should be something like, "Four More Games!" Joe Cool scored a game-high 28 to go along with 8 assists, and Josh Childress added 20 off the bench. Mike Bibby had 16 points but appeared to sprain his surgically-repaired thumb in a third quarter collision with Milwaukee's Dan Gadzuric. Uh oh. Speaking of injuries, Andrew Bogut (27 points, 9 boards) left the game during the fourth quarter after Atlanta's Marvin Williams hit him in the face. Bogut's nose might be busted, and that'll really hurt his modeling career. [Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] But them's the breaks! [/Arnold Schwarzenegger voice]

The Strange Case of Doctor Detroit and Mr. Piston. The Pistons have been stuck in a big win/bad loss cycle ever since the All-Star break. Last night apparently was the "bad loss" part of that cycle as Detroit dropped an 89-82 decision to the previously struggling Toronto Raptors. Chris Bosh was the wrecking ball to Detroit's dilapidated building, and T.J. Ford - who's recent pouting and gunning apparently convinced Jose Calderon to surrender his starting job - finished the urban renewel with 15 points and 9 assists. Chauncey Billups, who had 24 points and 9 assists, tried to explain away his team's focus problems after the game. "Our thing is not the division or the East. Our thing is the whole thing. That's the way we think." Riiiight. Well, good luck with that, Chauncey.

In all fairness to the Pistons though, they were without leading scorer Rip Hamilton (sore left hip) for the second straight game. What's up with all the hip injuries this season? I thought that injury was reserved for old, sick people.

Where the hell did this come from? After taking a 50-game (or so) nap, Vince Carter suddenly cares again. Last night he scored 22 points and grabbed a season-high 14 rebounds to help the Nets beat the Pacers 124-117 and stay within a half game of Atlanta for the final playoff spot in the East. Look, are we sure this is the real Vinsanity? I keep expecting to read a report that Lawrence Frank found an empty body snatcher pod in the team's locker room or something.

Speaking of passionate resurgence, Devin Harris added another 22 points and also dished out a career-high 15 assists...wait, he can pass?! Did Mark Cuban know that before he traded Harris to New Jersey? Maybe he was too preoccupied with his fight against the blogging menace to noticde. Mike Dunleavy Jr. tried to play hero for the Pacers by going off for 33 points, 6 rebounds, and 7 assists, but as has often been the case throughout his career, he came up short. But according to Indiana's Jeff Foster, it's not all doom and gloom. "It's been a disappointing season for us, but with 10 games to go we have a chance to salvage it and make the playoffs." He's kidding, right?

Must-not-see TV! Heat! Knicks! A thrilling overtime duel! What more could you possibly ask for? Other than for a merciful God to look down from his Easy Chair in the clouds and cause the very earth beneath us to open up and swallow both teams, of course. After 53 hard-to-watch minutes of pulse-stilling excitement, New York outlasted Miami 103-96. According to the Associated Press recap, "These didn't look like two teams trying to lose." Please excuse the noisy squelching of my huge throbbing brain as I scream, "Duh!" As far as I can tell, nobody ever accused either team of trying to lose. Tragically and dramatically sucking, yes, trying to lose, no.

Spurs 97, Clippers 88. This is what we call a mercy killing, folks. Chris Kaman returned from his fake injury, but apparently he didn't use the time off to devise a way to stop Tim Duncan, who had game-highs in both points (26) and rebounds (12). The Clippers shot 39 percent - thanks in large part to Corey Maggette's 7-for-23 shotspasm - and make me very, very sad.

Now that's more like it! After a rough post-Streak stretch that saw them lose three out of five games, the Rockets have strung together a couple wins against sub-.500 teams. And Tracy McGrady (23 points, 11 rebounds, 9 assists) suddenly thinks he's all clutchtastic and stuff. "The fourth quarter, usually the best player has got to step up and lead the team. I just couldn't afford for us to lose the game, so I had to impose my will on it." Please note that it may, in fact, be easier for T-Mac to impose his will in a meaningless regular season game against the 18-52 Timberwolves and the iron-fisted defense of Marco Jaric than it will be come playoff time. But I guess we'll see, won't we?
Now that's more like it, Part 2! Nothing cures a case of the late-season doldrums quite like a trip to Seattle. These days, anyway. And thanks to the kindly walk-all-over-us-ness of the SuperSonics, the Wizards bounced back from an ugly loss with a104-99 win. Tough Juice and Antawn did their usually dirty work (a combined 38 points, 17 rebounds, and 13 assists), but the real one-night superstar was Roger Mason, who rose dramatically off the bench to drill five three-pointers and score 22 points. Kevin Durant tried to put a stranglehold on the Rookie of the Year award by netting 32 points and grabbing 7 rebounds.

I wrote this line before the game had even started. "The Lakers beat the Bobcats. How else did you expect this one to end?" Nice, huh? Nostradamus I ain't. The 'Cats jumped on the Forum Blue and Gold early, held off a late rally, and finally beat the Lakers 108-95...in L.A. no less. Jason Richardson and Raymond Felton got sick yesterday morning after eating breakfast, but they both recovered enough to throw up all over the Lakers: Richardson had 34 points and 10 rebounds and Felton added 13 points and 10 assists.

With 3:40 to play and Charlotte leading 100-86, Kobe got the boot after bustin' on referee David Jones for a foul call he strongly disagreed with. That little outburst raises Kobe's season total for technicals to 15, and one more will earn him an automatic one-game suspension, so expect a more introspective Mamba over the final 10 games of the regular season. Bryant left the Staples Center in a big huff and didn't speak to reporters, and Phil Jackson was even more enigmatic than usual. "Well, I may look like I'm here to explain something, but I have nothing to explain. I can't explain it, so don't ask me any questions. It just looked like we were out of character, tremendously out of character, in more ways than one - irrational play at times, inconsistent at best, but some poor judgments, poor decisions." When a reporter asked him about Kobe, Jax smiled that annoyingly smug smile and waddled out of the interview room. Way to be good losers, guys.

Western Conference playoff race update: The Lakers fell into a three-way tie for second place (with the Rockets and Spurs), one full game behind the Hornets.

• I guess he's good enough to be an All-Star reserve. With the New Orleans crowd - all 26 of them - chanting "M-V-P," Chris Paul scored 23 points, grabbed nine rebounds and dished 17 assists, each of which created a tiny parallel universe full of Jessica Albas making out with Scarlett Johanssons in an inflatable pool full of JELL-O brand gelatin. I don't impress easily, but even I have to admit that's pretty rad. Paul's teammate Tyson Chandler wasn't half bad either, scoring 10 points and grabbing 16 of the Hornets' 52 rebounds. Denver wasn't quite as good on the boards (33) or in that whole "putting the ball in the basket" thing (42 percent shooting and 19 turnovers), so the the Hornets stung the Nuggets into a lumpy 117-93 submission. Allen Iverson scored 23 and Kenyon Martin had 18, but most of the other Nuggets were barely able to outscore Carmelo Anthony, who, in case you didn't know, is still out with a sprained left ankle.

• A Maverick ain't 'fraid a no Grizzly. Grizzlies are terrifying creatures. It's a scientific fact that the only living things that aren't afraid of them are Bruce Willis and cowboys. A cowboy, he'll just walk up, stare that grizzly bear in the eye, then lasso that sucker and dress it in his sister's prom dress. Because that's how cowboys roll. Anyway, sometimes art (in this case basketball) imitates life (in this case cowboys), and Dallas hogtied Memphis on their way to a 103-84 victory. Josh Howard scored 26 points (and hit his first eight shots!), Dirk Nowitzki had 20 points and 11 rebounds, Erick Dampier added 11 points and 12 rebounds, Jason Terry...you know what? Most of the Mavs played really well, and pretty much everybody on the Grizzlies didn't. (Okay, Rudy Gay looked pretty good in scoring 18 points, but that's it.)

• Tim Duncan misses his comfy chair. My grandpa, he loved his comfy chair. And the older he got, the less he wanted to leave that chair. Similarly, the Spurs - considered "very ancient" by most NBA age experts - don't like leaving their own version of the comfy chair, otherwise known as the Alamodome. Heading into their 9-game "rodeo trip," San Antonio was only 8-9 on the road. And I hate to ruin the ending for you, but their situation didn't improve in Utah. Tim Duncan showed up with 26 and 11, but he lost the ball 7 times. Tony Parker shot 1-for-7, Michael Finley was 2-for-8, and I think Robert Horry was actually embalmed at halftime. The somewhat youthier Jazz, meanwhile, showed a shocking lack of respect for their elders. Carlos Boozer and Andre Kirilenko each scored 23 points, and Deron Williams handed out 14 dimes as Utah scored a 97-91 victory that moved them from ninth place in the Western Conference to fourth!

• Where meaningless games happen. The Bobcats versus the Clippers. Let's face it, unless somebody on these teams can call you "mom," then chances are you really don't care about the outcome of this game. If for some bizarre reason you do care - and in that case I pity you - here are the facts: Charlotte won 107-100 behind Gerald Wallace and his 23 points (8-for-11), 6 rebounds, and 8 assists. Tim Thomas arose from his season-long slumber to score 29 points and grab 13 rebounds for the Clips, proving once again that he is at his absolute best when it really doesn't matter.

We would love to see big Chris Anderson back, desperately, now that you mention it. He was always ridiculously fun to watch, even though it's certainly possible that he was using cocaine while on the court. (We'll know that was the case if he returns and appears to have mono.) We'd have to think the Knicks could take a chance on him, yes? Why not?

"Birdman" Hoping To Fly Again [Denver Post]