Bradley Wright-Phillips Scores 90th-Minute Goal, Puts Red Bulls Past KC

Sporting KC's season is over after Bradley Wright-Phillips scored in the 90th minute to put his New York Red Bulls into the MLS Eastern Conference semifinals. » 10/30/14 10:06pm 10/30/14 10:06pm

MLS Player Gets His Dick Grabbed, Gets A Yellow Card For Flopping

It's really hard to say who comes off worse here. On the one hand, we've got New York Red Bulls defender Jamison Olave clearly grabbing a handful of Real Salt Lake forward Olmes Garcia's dick and balls. On the other hand, we've got Garcia shamelessly diving and trying to sell the idea that Olave literally shot him in… » 7/31/14 1:26pm 7/31/14 1:26pm

Thierry Henry Doesn't Give A Shit That He Just Scored A Goal

Thierry Henry popped in a goal in the 45th minute Saturday to put the New York Red Bulls up 2-1 over the Columbus Crew, but he wasn't in the mood to celebrate. » 7/13/14 12:08pm 7/13/14 12:08pm

Dickgoal Attempt Fails As Péguy Luyindula Ends Up With Nothing But Pain

You can use a lot of body parts to score a goal: your feet, your knees, your head, et cetera. You can also try using your dick, but it's not likely to turn out very well. » 3/23/14 5:14pm 3/23/14 5:14pm

New York Red Bulls Win First Trophy In Franchise History

Wow. What a sporting night. Not every night brings us a historic accomplishment 17 years in the making, but that's exactly what we got in New Jersey last night. I'm talking, of course, about the New York Red Bulls clinching the MLS Supporters' Shield. » 10/28/13 5:33pm 10/28/13 5:33pm

Tim Cahill Scored The Fastest Goal In MLS History

In a matchup rife with Supporters' Shield implications, RBNY's Tim Cahill got things going quickly. Historically quickly. From 20 yards out, just seven eight seconds in. » 10/20/13 4:36pm 10/20/13 4:36pm

New York Red Bulls, Real Salt Lake Play MLS Game Of The Year

You can skip ahead to 4:12 in these highlights of the New York Red Bulls' 4-3 win over Real Salt Lake on Saturday night. Everything after that made the game probably the best we'll see this MLS season. » 7/28/13 11:45am 7/28/13 11:45am

MLS Threatens Fans: No More "You Suck, Asshole" Chants

Within the last couple of weeks, a number of MLS supporters' groups have received letters from their teams' front offices. Important letters. Letters threatening sanctions if the fans don't eliminate what's apparently a major issue in MLS: The ever-present "You Suck, Asshole" chants. » 7/09/13 1:41pm 7/09/13 1:41pm

Say Hello To NYCFC, New York's Second MLS Team

MLS has announced its 20th team: New York City FC, which will begin play in 2015, in a yet-to-be-determined stadium. It'll be owned by Manchester City, in partnership with the New York Yankees. It will be sponsored by oil and evil. » 5/21/13 2:01pm 5/21/13 2:01pm

The "Icing The Kicker" Menace Has Spread To MLS

On Sunday, the Red Bulls found a new way to lose a game. (I don't know if MLS keeps that record, but New York surely owns it.) In the 90th minute of a 1-1 match at San Jose, Red Bulls defender Roy Miller was whistled for a handball, and 2012 leading scorer Chris Wondolowski lined up for a penalty kick. Miller, who… » 3/14/13 10:34am 3/14/13 10:34am

MLS Couldn't Dig Itself Out Of The Snow Or Its Own Ass [UPDATE]

The weather had already shafted DC United. The higher seed, they lost homefield advantage when MLS switched the legs of their home-and-home with the Red Bulls because the New York area was still cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy. It wasn't fair, and United fans were pissed, but it's hard to see that there was any… » 11/08/12 4:35pm 11/08/12 4:35pm

Red Bulls Youth Soccer Coach Is Murdered, Has Ear Cut Off In Manhattan

Michael Jones, a 25-year-old youth soccer coach, was fatally stabbed early Monday morning in Manhattan, police said. Jones was from Liverpool and worked for Major League Soccer's New York Red Bulls as a coach in the team's youth mentoring program. » 10/09/12 1:30pm 10/09/12 1:30pm

New York Red Bulls Fans Struggle With Spelling

New York Red Bulls suffered a painful 2-0 loss at home to Sporting KC last night in a match played with little fire in front of few fans. A few supporters showed up, however, and they brought a massive banner using the most tired expression about Kansas since "Bleeding." (Yes, Sporting KC plays in Kansas City, KS—not… » 9/20/12 9:00am 9/20/12 9:00am

Goalie Can't Make Save, Can Dive Face First Into Goal Post

New York Red Bulls teammates Thierry Henry and Dax McCarty hooked up for a nice goal off an Henry corner kick in the Red Bulls 3-1 win over the Columbus Crew. Poor Crew goalkeeper Andy Gruenebaum made a hell of an effort to stop it, but he came up short. » 9/16/12 12:15pm 9/16/12 12:15pm

New York City Is About To Get A New MLS Team That Might Be Owned By A…

The New York Post reports today that the city is on the verge of approving a deal for a $300 million stadium that would be little more than a corner kick from CitiField and Arthur Ashe Stadium in Flushing Meadows Corona Park. » 8/13/12 5:28pm 8/13/12 5:28pm

What Counts In Soccer As A Fight Broke Out After The Red Bulls-Galaxy…

The MLS playoffs are underway—you knew that, right?—and after the L.A. Galaxy's 1-0 victory over New York Red Bulls things got a bit testy. It wasn't brouhaha levels, mostly because the guy who appeared suffer the most pain (Red Bulls defender Rafael Márquez) wasn't actually touched, as far as anybody can tell. Even… » 10/30/11 6:50pm 10/30/11 6:50pm

Red Bull Arena Has Turned Harrison, New Jersey, Into One Of The…

Harrison, New Jersey, used to be a nice town. There was a time when people here didn't lock their doors, and the apothecary made tinctures from local berries. Then the Red Bulls showed up with their Austrian owner and built their stinking $200 million arena. The town took on $39 million in debt to clean out muck or… » 9/30/11 3:10pm 9/30/11 3:10pm

Landon Donovan Is "A (Genitalia)head," And Other Things Of Note

Your morning roundup for May 10, the day the gays were good enough for the Navy but not good enough for Uptown Sports Athlete Representation. » 5/10/11 9:45am 5/10/11 9:45am

Juan Agudelo Scored A Special Goal Against DC United Last Night

It's weird to see an American striker do this. We're so used to our forwards scoring as a function of being in the right place at the right time. Agudelo scored last night despite bad service and good marking. He created this goal out of nothing. No more Jozy Altidore comparisons, please. » 4/22/11 10:55am 4/22/11 10:55am