Deadspin: nfl 2:30 update

Traditionally, 11 Man Defenses Work Better

sussman — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 14:38:00 EST

I've read in a couple places that the Redskins' first defensive play featured a 10-person formation in honor of Sean Taylor, which the Bills also thought was proper, because they used that play for a 22-yard gain. (Good thing it wasn't a 21-yard run.) The pride of Wallaceburg, Ontario and BGSU's own Shaun Suisham is kicking all the points for D.C. in this one. Redskins 9, Bills 2

Vinny Testaverde scoffs at the 49ers. Well, yes, the San Francisco football team, but also the actual Gold Rush participants for thinking they could strike it rich. That's why Testaverde put his savings in the upcoming railroad industry, and made a fortune. Vinny T. has himself 11-of-16 passing for 101 yards and a touchdown. Trent Dilfer has two completions to Panthers defenders. Panthers 17, Niners 0

Peyton Manning has three touchdowns, one to Reggie Wayne and two to Dallas Clark, and ... wait, this one's a repeat. Cursed writer's strike. Colts 21, Jaguars 7

Whoa whoa, slow down, fellas. You're filling up on points too quickly. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? Seahawks 21, Eagles 17

The Falcons secondary has a slimming effect on Gus Frerotte. He should wear it more often. Three touchdowns in the first half, and only five incompletions. Rams 21, Falcons 0

So I guess Adrian Peterson's okay then. Chester Taylor's not untalented either. And Tarvaris Jackson has ... two touchdown passes. I don't understand. Vikings 35, Lions 10

It's ugly. It's tied. It's intense. It's must be the AFC West. Chargers 10, Chiefs 10

If nothing else, 'm sure the fans of these two teams are enjoying the game. Texans 10, Titans 7

Favored, my ass. Jets 20, Dolphins 13

Footbaw!

skeets — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 14:35:46 EST

Type "Giants fan" into Google Images and that's one of the first images to grace your 15-inch monitor. Seems about right. Eli Manning is 6-for-garbage, with two interceptions. He threw four picks in his last meeting against the Vikes, so he's right on pace. Minnesota 24, New York Giants 7.

1st-10, Buffalo 45. J. Losman rushed up the middle for 1-yard loss. J. Losman fumbled. J. Losman is big fat piece of donkey shit. You know you really suck when the Gamecast starts calling you out. Jacksonville 13, Buffalo 7.

Buccaneers kicker Matt Bryant drinks a chocolate milkshake on the night before each of his football games. Fact. Bryant has four fieldgoals already from 35, 27, 48 and 39 yards. I suggest you play those numbers on the lottery. Tampa Bay 16, Washington 3.

Fuck you, Matt Hasselbeck. Fuck. You. St. Louis 19, Seattle 7.

The Klaus Daimler, Thanks A Lot For Not Picking Me Games
• Cleveland 14, Houston 10
• Cincinnati 14, Tennessee 6
• New Orleans 10, Carolina 3
• Kansas City 10, Oakland 6

Budweiser's Right: The Browns Are So Good They Don't Even Need A Logo

skeets — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 14:35:14 EST

Gus Johnson, calling that exhilarating Bills-Fins game today, just got done saying before the half that he thinks the Steelers are being slept on and that they could easily hang with the Patriots or Colts. DA says, "Suck on my Horse Balls, Gussy!" Browns 21, Steelers 9

Vikings running Jesus, Adrian Peterson, has 45 yards on nine carries. But Packers rookie Ryan Grant has 92 yards on 12 carries, including a nice 30-yard TD. Musonius Rufus, anybody? Anybody? Packers 13, Vikings 0

Stephen Jackson finally found the end zone, punching in a 2-yard touchdown near the end of his first quarter. Up next? Waldo! Rams 17, Saints 7

I love when a safety fucks up the look of an NFL score. Royals 8, Rockies 6.

The Klaus Daimler, Thanks A Lot For Not Picking Me Games
Redskins 12, Eagles 7
Jaguars 14, Titans 3
Dolphins 3, Bills 0
Panthers 10, Falcons 7

The Reggies Are Running Rampant In New Orleans

sussman — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 14:35:00 EST

Okay, which one of you smart-alecks told me that the Jaguars had a good defense? Because then I went and told everybody, including my local priest, and now I just look foolish. Most of the touchdowns were scored by one of many Reggies (Bush has two for the Saints, and Williams caught an 80-yard pass for the Jaguars). Maurice Jones-Drew also has a kickoff-return-for-touchdown. Saints 24, Jaguars 17

The passing numbers for David Carr and Vince Young are very similar. Proceed as normal. Titans 13, Panthers 0

Detroit aims to go 2-0 against the AFC, and it looks like that will happen. As for the Broncos ... hey look. Patrick Ramsey. How about that. Lions 16, Broncos 0

Green Bay's monstrous 6-0 lead was blown in the final seconds of the first half, when fantasy player angerer Larry Johnson scored. Chiefs 7, Packers 6

Say goodbye to that winning record, Washington. Mark Mangino and Kellen Clemens found a way to score points in the first half.Jets 17, Redskins 9

There's Nothing Funny To Say About Any Of These Games
Buccaneers 10, Cardinals 3
Falcons 14, 49ers 7
Chargers 7, Vikings 7
Bengals 14, Bills 13