Today’s NFL Network draft coverage came to a sudden halt when, immediately after Mike Mayock’s assertion that “I’m very much a Beavers guy,” the Bears selected Deon Bush. That pick drove the network’s panelists to paralyzing laughter, and brought on a quick cut to commercial.
Professional moron Heath Evans spoke on the NFL-owned NFL Network today and called on league commissioner Roger Goodell to throw out the collective bargaining agreement and ban teams from signing troubled quarterback Johnny Manziel.
Mississippi State defensive lineman Chris Jones had trouble staying upright as he finished his 40 attempt today at the NFL combine, and replays revealed why: his genitals came flying out of his shorts while trying to beat five seconds.
NFL Network inadvertently aired its analysts’ off-air commentary on a quarterback prospect at the NFL combine, mocking both his singing and throwing ability while declaring him “the next former Browns quarterback.”
NFL Network’s hours upon days upon weeks of Super Bowl coverage have been brain-choking, though we can’t deny that the meaningless words being spewed from the channel’s personalities are drawing viewers. But, really, how much more is there to be said about tomorrow’s game? Thankfully, this young chap turned up to make…
Buper Spowl Dedia May is off to a stantastic fart.
Vontaze Burfict was understandably taciturn following the Cincinnati’s wild card game meltdown and his role in setting up the Steelers’ winning field goal, so NFL Network analyst Deion Sanders took the Bengals linebacker to task during tonight’s postgame show—stating that refusing to answer reporters’ questions is…
We can only guess that Eisen & Co. have caught a whiff of a nearby stoner in Oakland as tonight’s NFL Network pregame devolved into a festival of giggles and Up In Smoke jokes. (Steve Mariucci is our favorite.)
Human Jock Jam Rob Gronkowski went on the NFL Network set after his 113-yard, one-TD performance Thursday night, and there wasn’t a prop he didn’t try and smash. He had to be told that the pumpkins were fake—you’d think Gronk, who CLEARLY spent most Halloweens in his youth smashing pumpkins with the Gronkowski brothers
NFL Network viewers got to see a bunch of naked Bengals players in the background of Albert Breer’s locker-room interview with Adam Jones on Sunday. Today, the network apologized for accidentally airing those dicks and butts.
Albert Breer’s NFL Network interview with Adam Jones after the Bengals’ win over Buffalo today was... interesting.
What word couldn’t NFL draft analysts keep out of their mouths last night? No, it wasn’t “grit,” “motor,” or even “intangibles.” The word was “issues.” Everyone has issues. The NFL draft ... has issues.
NFL Network analyst Charley Casserly clearly wasn’t prepared for a conversation about Jameis Winston this afternoon, freaking out about how the questions hadn’t been pre-scripted and apparently not realizing he was on live television. “Don’t ask me a question we haven’t talked about,” Casserly angry demands of host…
ESPN and NFL Network both have rights to televise the NFL draft, and, as they have in the past, this year they will show the good and just Roger Goodell that they value the product he’s bestowed upon them by not allowing their reporters to tweet picks before the commissioner announces them at the podium. That NFL…
I don't know why Heath Evans is employed by NFL Network, but if it's for hot takes like "the Patriots allegedly deflating footballs is just like the debate between creationism and science" then... he shouldn't be. This was Evans's reaction to seeing today's Bill Belichick presser:
Rich Eisen announcing his friend and colleague Stuart Scott's death live on-air this morning was heartbreaking, but his tribute to the late ESPN anchor tonight on NFL Network was enough to bring a smile back to your face. Count up the Stu Scott catchphrases down in the comments.
Our media criticism in these parts often accuses television of being so lacking in basic sensibility that it has become post-human. Stuart Scott's death at 49 prompted a reminder that, yes, these are real people on TV; there's no more accurate a depiction of this than the tentative and often fragile on-air reactions…